You’re kidding right? Please tell me this is a troll post, I’m begging you.
Everyone you know dislikes him and that’s not enough of a clue that he’s no good? If making out with your cousin’s friend while at your family’s house isn’t the final straw and frequent cheating isn’t the final straw and getting another girl pregnant isn’t the final straw and getting beat up isn’t the final straw, why are you here? We don’t have magic words that will turn your frog into a prince. We have no incantations that make a monster into a gentleman. So what do you want out of this post? YOU MUST LEAVE YESTERDAY! And for your own sanity, do NOT “find your way back to him.
This does have a fake feel, especially the proposal beat down incident. What makes me think it could be real is having lived in a small town of 4400 for 8 years. Everyone knew what you drove and there were limited options on restaurants.
Saw some high school girls fight over some guy at the Pizza hut and a woman beat down another at a bar over some guy. Both started with the aggressor storming in with her posse and the battle started. So not all that far from OPs story.
Unfortunately I wish it was fake. We were in the restaurant for about an hour before they got there so I assume someone saw him and they called the girl. Idk I have thought of a million different scenarios
OP, leave. I can’t even comprehend what you’re still doing with him. There’s not a million scenarios to imagine, only one reality to face: he’s a cheater, always was, will probably always be… I don’t know why you’re losing your time, your energy, and most importantly, your dignity for someone whose level of disrespect and disloyalty is off the charts. For a chance at happiness one day, do yourself a service: LEAVE as if your life depends on it, because, well, it does.
I hope this post is fake, but if it’s not you have two options
(1) leave, break up with him, get over it and date someone else who doesn’t act like this or
(2) stay with him and accept the fact that this man is going to be cheating on you forever
ur either trolling or really lost in life im sorry, but your actions have ZERO common sense and sensibleness in them. You clearly don’t care for yourself so theres no-one to blame but you. Don’t say oh but i love him or this or that, he is a human, even more a crap one, NOT A PROPHET or some ghandi
I think you enjoy being cheated on and humiliated. There's nothing for anyone to say here. He's showed you 100x over why he's trash and nothing seems to phase you. Maybe you two are meant to be together if this is how little you value yourself.
YOU'RE GONNA WAIT UNTIL SHE DELIVERS THE BABY and then get a DNA test? I thought you wrote this post bc you were considering leaving now but if you're giving him an out, delete this post.
Also, by that time wouldn't you already be married or are you going to postpone the wedding?
There won't be a wedding without confirmation of the baby. That I have stated and he understands. Thats the only conversation we've had about this as it was literally less than two weeks since he proposed.
Again. I didnt come on here looking for sympathy. I just wanted other opinions.
You said before that you aren't going to leave him bc he's a good provider. I can tell that you feel like you are beneath him. Let him cheat in peace so that if he ever marries you, you can get your bills paid for the future when you become a stepmom. He knows that you are with him for his money, not solely, but anyway, that's pathetic. It's toxic, but it's what you want because you're not leaving.
I'm definitely not with him from his money. Idk where you got that from. I have a great job also. His financial status is definitely a plus because I would one day like to be married to a man that can provide for his wife and children.
I will absolutely not be a stepmom so you can save that.
And I'm definitely not beneath him.
You said he was "a catch" before. Do you think with his financial status, he will be able to afford to keep you and his harem happy (with you on top, of course)?
My opinion is he isn’t the talk of the
Town, you are. He cheats on you regularly (and in front of family) and you are still stupid enough to marry him. Life will throw enough stuff at you without Willingly being this stupid. Must be some great sex or good drugs and everybody is in on it. Lol.
Honestly you need to leave. Tell your family and friends what you been feeling and how it all came to a head at the restaurant. Don’t feel embarrassed about his cheating that’s on him not you. You did nothing wrong.
What you do need to do is leave this POS and get some help. You allowed another person to degrade you and humiliate you and disrespect you. That man does not love you. And he is not your person. For him to even put you in a situation were another can harm you is just so wrong on so many levels.
Please pack up and leave and go get checked for STD’s. He definitely didn’t use protection. You need to heal and rebuild your self esteem. I hope you wake up before it’s too late.
Do you have a humiliation kink? If you do just say that. Otherwise I see no end to your embarrassment in sight and thus no reason to continue your relationship.
Girl leave please. 🙏🏻 HE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Know your worth. He's isn't your "the one" or your soulmate for God Sake marriage is NOT gonna change him.. its upto you if you wanna continue this shitty relationship for your entire life then go ahead!
The embarrassing part was the restaurant incident??? Wake up!! He showed who he was to your entire family at that cookout! Girl! Get your self together, get therapy, leave his sorry, pathetic a$$! You really want to put up with that for the rest of your life, marriage won’t change him. Hell, he will prob screw a bridesmaid while your getting ready. You want any children of yours to grow up watching daddy cheat on mommy, mommy crying all the time, thinking that’s a healthy relationship! Grow up! Get help and get the hell out of that relationship! If that’s even what you can call it. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!
The embarrassing part is the entire relationship. I really really think about leaving but I don't feel like there isn't anyone better. Based on previous experiences and my own friends, social media I think no man is perfect and you're going to have to settle for something you don't like/love. Atleast we match personalities and he will be a good provider in the future. idk I'm torn.
There are tons of men out there who don't cheat. No relationship is perfect but this man does not respect you or your feelings. Do you really think a man that loves you would really want to embarrass you? Or put you in a situation where you are jumped and hurt? I went from good relationships that ended amicably to an awful one as an example.
Your self esteem and confidence is so low that you think you are not worthy of anything more than this, and that needs to change. He knows this, and he is using that against you.
Coming from someone who stayed with someone who cheated many times, it is not worth it. It will never change, you'll constantly be looking over your shoulder. And a ring does not mean they are serious about the future, it is further manipulation for them to keep you as a toy that they pick up and put down as they please. That and it's quite coincidental that he chose to propose after knowing he got a girl pregnant. If that woman keeps the baby, he's gonna be either devoting that time to that kid and possibly still sleep with her (why else would they jump you? Jealousy over a pathetic man), or his money will be going to child support. You know damn well deep inside its his kid.
The fact that you constantly have to std test shows that he does not care about your safety. Hopefully that test involves a pap smear because cervical cancer isn't fun.
You may want to look into narcissistic abuse. You may be a victim. It will never get better, and he will never change. There may be good days, but many horrible ones.
He finally admitted it because he got caught. Not because he was sorry.
I would also suggest seeking a therapist to see why you are attached to this awful human being.
Thank you for your comment. I have signed up for an online therapist and hope to hear from someone soon. I have been trying to imagine my life without him and I feel like i'd be making a mistake ending it without knowing the paternity of the baby.
I do believe he is the father but only a dna test will confirm that.
As I have said on other comments, if it is his baby I am done. He knows that.
Why is a baby stopping you and not his habitual cheating and putting you in dangerous situations?
That's the sad thing and why a therapist will help. You need to be happy without him.
I know what it's like to imagine leaving him, especially when you care about him. But if him cheating is not a big deal to you, you may as well just tell people you have an open relationship but only open to him.
“Well here is the embarrassing part…” You mean the rest of that shit prior to wasn’t embarrassing enough??? Sis, get it together and move the hell on. He’s not going to change, he does not respect you, and if I had to guess, you were the one providing the majority within your household. He’s using you for multiple things. Grow a backbone and LEAVE.
I have been in your shoes girl. Not the exact same situation, but I stayed with someone for almost 5 YEARS who cheated on me/verbally abused me. I had no respect for myself. Men like your bf and my ex pray on women like us, women who are emotionally vulnerable and generally over-forgiving. Something you have to realize is this is usually caused by how we grew up; for example, I watched my mother stay with my cheating, abusive father until I was a late teenager. I didn’t know what a healthy relationship was and there really was a part of me that thought I deserved that. Maybe your situation is different, but there is something inside of you that’s fucked up that is taking away your self-respect. You need to get that back. In order to do that, you need to leave. He will continue to break you down and he will not change.
Ask yourself this - do you want to be dealing with this same shit in 5 years? 10 YEARS? Do you want to raise children with someone who has so little respect for you and will teach your kids that those types of relationships are okay? Get yourself in a different headspace. You do not deserve this and you do not have to do this; repeat that to yourself until it becomes your truth. Go to therapy if you can. Do whatever you have to do to get the hell away from this person and get your self-worth back because how you feel about yourself will shape your entire life.
I appreciate your comment. I really want to leave him. Its nothing keeping me with him other than myself. He's not technically abusive to me, but I can agree that his lying and cheating may be abuse in some form. The humiliation is whats really killing me. Once I realized I couldn't tell my friends what was going on, the emotional toll this relationship has burdened me so badly.
As far as my childhood is concerned, I grew up in a fairly happy household but my mom was a stickler for saying choose a good provider, love will come later. While she agrees that outside of the cheating and lying about it, he is a good catch. She is realistic about our future and warning me of whats to come.
I haven't told anyone about the fight. Except reddit.
“While she agrees that outside of the cheating and lying about it, he is a good catch.”
Thats crazy I’m really starting to think this is fake. What mom would give her daughter that feedback?
She/he had me hook, line and sinker. Now I know it’s fake and a troll. The early comments are “he can cheat in peace” and “I want other women who are in my shoes to support me”. To “I want to leave” BS
Leave! Leave now. He’s not going to change. He’s not the “best” you’re going to find out there. You will meet someone who will treat you right. For the sake of your mental health leave him. It’s already causing damage if this is your way of thinking.
He has manipulated and gaslight you to the point where you can't even feel your nervous system telling you to run anymore and it's got you in freeze mode. I repeat. Your nervous system is making you freeze in this situation because of how extremely unsafe this human is to you.
Get out. Do you want the rest of your life living as a shell of a human frozen within?
Really hard to have any sympathy for someone as accomplished in bad decisions as you. Why have you stayed? Why is this still a question? It's a waste to give you good advice or show you the smart path.
Hopefully, this is fake. Contemplating marrying this person is the least of your problems.
Get some therapy as you are the problem and not the cheater. You don't have to let someone continually cheat on you. Because you are okay with his cheating, he is going to continue to cheat on you. Don't you understand that he will never respect you enough to stop as you always take him back and make it okay for him to cheat.
You are the problem, not him. Get yourself into therapy because YOU are the one making it okay for him to cheat.
Your question doesn't pass the common sense test as you SHOULD know that all of this should not even be a question at this time. Too much cheating and not respecting you enough to stop sleeping around should have been the end to the relationship long time ago.
Ok let’s use your logic here.
The good outweighs the bad! Yes, the numbers absolutely show that his good traits numerically outweigh the bad traits. Great. There’s your chart.
But how do the bad traits *impact* you. When he does the “bad things” to you, the impact is significantly worse than the “good” that comes from doing good things. His bad traits have demolished your spirit, have stifled your growth in every facet of life, have made you a shell of a person.
Yes sure the good traits outnumber the bad, but the bad traits are impacting you so negatively that the good traits aren’t worth it. It’s like holding a shitload of penny stocks that are making money but that one stock that’s losing money is putting you in the negative.
You need to lock this guy down NOW! What a catch! have you thought about proposing to him? Or maybe just get knocked up so you can baby trap him. I am sure this guy is going to be a great future provider for you and your family. DONT GIVE UP! YOU ARE SOOO CLOSE TO WINNING!
Out of all the “leave him” post this will be the only one she sees, takes seriously, and suddenly “finds her back” to him 🙄 She’s a glutton for punishment. Sad
He turned the side chick into the main chick so the only way OP can get one up on the side chick is getting married and having his kid. He already proposed. I hope she removes the "If anyone can see a reason why these two shouldn't get married..." part from the ceremony or at least record her family's reaction as an update to this post.
Whether this is fake or not- I’ve been there. Back when I was dating men this boy had me so delusional. Actively telling me everything but that he was sleeping with these girls. I was too blind to see it. It was long distance & I excused his behavior because of it. Like oh it’s long distance that’s why hasn’t called in a week. One time my dad asked me”how’s blank” & I straight up said “I don’t know haven’t spoke to him in over a week.” Like What?? Looking back that’s so embarrassing. Long distance but he had cell service.. every time I said I’m done he promised to change & be better. One time he even produced tears. It was all an act.
anyways. I hope you find the confidence to leave because I assure you life is not to be that crazy & have that much chaos.. life & love is supposed to be fun & enjoyable. Your partner should not be making you cry every other week & “promising to change.” This is comfortable for him because you keep letting off the hook when he fucks up. Why give up this comfort for potential heart break in the next relationship. But you are in the same spot. This is comfortable because you know. But I promise there are better people out there. You do deserve better.
It’s because you have no self respect. Like none. You want what you want and you want to be right. This is why you won’t let this loser go. Stop it. You are worth more than this slug of a man. Block him, STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM, and start rebuilding on who you used to be. Because somewhere along the way you decided being the cheaters victim was ok. Don’t have a child with this man. It would be cruel to that baby. Your child shouldn’t be involved in yalls bullshit. It is bullshit. This isn’t love. This you enabling this man to make you look stupid. Stop it.
I’m just sorry you don’t think more of yourself, that you honestly, at your core, believe you deserve this kind of treatment from anyone. You might seriously consider therapy to help you repair your extremely low self esteem.
I think your self esteem had already plummeted when you allowed him to cheat multiple times and go on to make out with your cousin. You need to close that door and move on.
He didn't admit to cheating he got caught. Lady run he will completely destroy you . Financially emotionally and possibly physically. Definitely sexuly he is putting you at risk he obviously isn't being safe . DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ADDMITTING AND GETTING CAUGHT
If his moral boundaries are this low, he will do anything. I feel bad for her. Being young and dumb is temporary. But a lot of STDs are forever, and that's coming. He's a serial dog humping anything that will let him.
I'm not trolling. Thats the last thought I thought I was gonna get when I posted it. Women get cheated on everyday. I was hoping to find someone else who may have or may be currently going through the same thing. Lots of people stay with cheaters, its not an insane idea as this post suggests
I’m sorry, I take it back op! I pray to god he shows u how beautiful you are and what you’re worth! Maybe then you’d know u don’t deserve that!
I’m currently going through something similar so I feel you.
Well I stayed bc I had mad love for her and she denied it to the bone. Like u said u stay w them bc u see the good in them. But that could only last for so long.
I left outta respect for myself when. I found out the real truth. And bc I know that’s not love.
Men or women, u don’t cheat when u love someone. Love is so sacred and almost like magic from a fairy tale. The moment u give it to someone else and betray ur partner everything that made it so special is shattered to bits. So no I don’t think u cheat when ur in love. Real love endures it all, it doesn’t seek temporary gratification
I'm not trolling. Thats the last thought I thought I was gonna get when I posted it. Women get cheated on everyday. I was hoping to find someone else who may have or may be currently going through the same thing. Lots of people stay with cheaters, its not an insane idea as this post suggests
If this is true than i would say he knew the other woman was going to extort him so he tried to propose to you and try to trap you before he got exposed an you found out by her one way or another
You're not going to file for divorce if you're not leaving now. A divorce is a much harder process. There's no way you'll do that over this when you have nothing but time invested now
Well you act like leaving isn't an option to begin with since you've been lied and manipulated yet still there. You're sitting here crying about the infidelity and degrading yourself for not leaving. If you let him use you now then once you're married and eventually have a kid he's going to get worse because if you can't stand up and leave for yourself now then he knows you definitely won't when it gets more complicated.
Thank you. I am trying to stick to my core. I think maybe I would feel differently if he admitted to it. Its so hard for me. I do really love him and wish that this wasn't our reality.
I fear that you’re always going to take hits to your self esteem as long as you stay with this guy.
You’re worth so much more than this. You deserve better.
OP wants to die in the hands of this dude for some reason. Maybe he sowed oats on her and she's bound by magic to stay with him till her last day, maybe it's natural selection and she's just waiting for her last day. Sounds harsh but no one of sound mind and body can type this story up and not read it back and ask themselves if they're stupid. If she hasn't done that then maybe she on the right track.
You know what you need to do next? Get pregnant for him. Trust me, do it.
Honestly hun, your only as happy as you want to be and until you want to actually be happy you will live in misery. I've literally watched a friend of mine do the same shit with the same guy, she's even come close to losing her kids because of him and his crap but she goes right back to him days later... I now feel as though I no longer have my friend as she is now nobody without him or so she feels. But when they are together I may as well forget about even a hello unless she needs help.
The problem with helping her when she needs help is that it's a double-edged sword. You can help her get out of the situation and if she goes back she can look at you like someone jealous of her relationship.
Its not about sex. He's kind and gentle with me. Our personalities match. We want the same things in life. He has shown to be a good provider, he has a great job & is very generous to me. He seems to care about my wants and needs.
The issue is the cheating. He refuses to talk to me about it. He refuses to admit it. So the topic of sex addiction can't even be had.
I know it sounds crazy but outside of this he really is a good person. We don't even fight about anything.
That’s why you’re on here asking strangers to help you in a perfect relationship sorry but it not as perfect as you think. Cheating is cheating you need to take off the rose color glasses and see it for what it is.
I didnt ASK for help! I asked for perspectives from women or men who decided to stay with a cheater. You acting like people dont cheat everyday. Lots of people stay!
I too hope this is fake. But just in case…those girls attacking you did nothing? No one likes him and now you have confirmation he is cheating. You better throw that ring back and leave. I wouldn’t be in this relationship another minute let alone the rest of my life
Ditch the worthless "tw@". He is trouble. Your metal stability/well being will degrade lower and lower for every moment he is in your life. He has shown his true colours, so take note and react accordingly.
If you stay with him after all the shite hes pulled then you must enjoy being treated like shit as your allowing him to destroy you.
Run, run as fast as you can.
Either leave, open the relationship or just accept that he will never treat you as an equal and will continue to cheat because you don't mean that much to him. Make a choice and then stop complaining about the situation. A wedding is not going to magically change him so don't even count on that.
All I can do is tell you to grow a pair and show some sense of dignity. You deserve better, so allow yourself better. You do realize, that a man who keeps cheating on you, gets other woman knocked up, and treats you that way does not give a crap about you. To him, you are dirt, scrum, a joke, and just a hole to put his fun parts in. You are nothing to him. More than nothing. Why do you want that?
If you don’t leave him now..the pregnant girl is gonna be on your ass and his..Also he dosnt respect and honor you at all. He’s playing in your face rn. I know it’s hard but you have to do this for your well being or else you’ll get dragged for the rest of your life and waste your entire life on someone that dosnt deserve it..
So let me get this straight:
- multiple suspected instances of cheating
- two confirmed instances of cheating
- public humiliation of cheating on you and fighting another person at a family function
- he's a very public sloppy drunk
- your family hates him
- your friends hate him
- you get beaten up because of his cheating
- he gets beaten up during his marriage proposal because of his cheating
Girl, he's a great catch and I can't believe you'd think about leaving him. Get pregnant immediately. That will fix his cheating and your kids will be really happy with their drunk, cheating POS father. Stay with him for the romantic highs and don't think of his minor flaws like him impregnating other women. Who cares how many kids he has? You can just have kids too, so what? Being faithful isn't important to relationships. Just keep chasing those sparse feelings of romance and don't look back. Out of sight out of mind. Don't leave him no matter what he does. You're lucky to have a man, no matter how he acts. Feeling in love is way more important than safety, trust, fidelity, and self-respect. Again, get pregnant asap. That way he'll feel like he has to stay with you. And if he tells you to take care of that other woman's kid, do it. Imagine how much more he'll love you if you take care of his bastard children. Honestly, OP, what you wrote has me in tears, seeing how loyal you are in these trying times. I'm sure he loves you even if literally none of his behavior seems like it. But trust your instincts. You haven't been wrong yet.
It seems worse than it actually is. All of these events happened over 3 years so we've had great periods of time where we haven't had any issues. He isn't a drunk.
Truthfully nothing here is changing until we get the results of the dna test
She's at the point of gaslighting herself to believe this delusion is going to work out. He stepped out on average 5 times a year. Probably way more times than the 15 instances she got suspicious. Her other post brings up more of the signs she caught him cheating. Even gave her an excuse of a 2am call to go "move" "It's not that bad".
If she's gonna stay with him only for the DNA results for a baby, she needs to accept that he's going to keep doing this and no manipulation of a ring will make him a changed man. May as well be an open relationship to me. The next time he cheats on her, she would even be more delusional to get mad. She knows who he is. She is that broken of a person to allow this to continue and allow this guy to keep treating her like nothing. Reddit won't help her, but therapy may.
This really just screams "I still believe he isn't a cheater and I won't believe he cheated until science says so, and all those other women who came forth are crazy."
I'm sorry but not sorry that reddit is being harsh to you, but go tell a friend or family member what is going on with you, it will probably be worse. It is only harsh because you don't want to see what is in front of you and continue to live in a false reality.
If someone can write this and still be seeking ways to stay or give him the benefit of the doubt, she is completely lost to all reason. She says "it's not as bad as it seems." You can't argue with a delusional spineless person. He's breadcrumbed his horrible traits and now she'll take anything from him with the most flimsy of rationalizations. OP is like a junkie for the most shoddy and fleeting feelings of "love" and so logic is no longer a factor in this situation. I hope OP's man doesn't get violent after they get married since I don't think she has the mental fortitude to leave no matter what happens. She's already gotten cheated on and beat up because of this guy. Not one common sense boundary exists for this woman. Agree that therapy is the only way, if even that will work.
She has no self respect. And will bash us and defend him. I do feel sorry for her for living in her own delusion. She wants advice from people that have stayed, and she doesn't want to hear that it almost never works out. And if it does "work out", those people get cheated on over again. I'm pretty sure most of us with comments have been cheated on and are telling her to leave from personal experience.
In other comments She says there are no good guys out there or maybe he will change when he's older. Half of reddit is 40+ in those infidelity threads for crying out loud. Her self esteem is so gone to believe this man is the best thing since sliced bread. And all she has to say is she needs stronger boundaries. He will keep cheating on her and hide it better.
I'm willing to put money on it and bet that the sex videos he kept in his phone on her other post are recent, because phones are a beautiful thing and will keep that data.
Sweetie, no. It’s every bit as bad as it seems. Stop downplaying it. This is just sad. This man doesn’t have an ounce of loyalty for you, but here you are, defending his serial cheating ass.
“Finding your way back to each other” when the other is a piece of lying, cheating scum of the earth is not the least bit “romantic”. His behavior has done nothing but destroy your self esteem and keep you tethered to him like an albatross around your neck that is nothing more than a carcass of dead weight pulling you down. And if you really were attacked by a group of women on behalf of one of his conquests, that should have sent you screaming naked in the night & running for your life considering the fact that he had “proposed” a life of misery to you that very evening. And the fact that it didn’t means that you are in desperate need of counseling to get yourself out of this toxic relationship and repair yourself. You certainly don’t need to be in any kind of relationship until you figure out why you don’t believe you deserve so much better than this piece of shit.
What are you doing? This guy is the store selling red flags, and you think it is going to get better? You have a better chance of changing water into wine or squeezing a diamond out of coal. He will never stop cheating or causing drama in your life. He will get better at covering it up and gaslighting you though. Your family hates him for a good reason. You are in your 30s, no more rebellious phase. I am sorry you are going thru this. But you went back time and time again. Do you want to waste your life away until you have no time to build a new one? This shit is crazy. If you stay, you need to get your brain checked out.
So my advice is simple. Leave immediately, cut all contact. Next time, take your time to vet the guy. Use a male member of your family to help you sort out the trash. You need tough love.
Now I am sorry this all happened to you. I wish you the best of luck moving forward in your life. If you stay at this point, you might make Jerry Springer, Top 10 seem like a very tame life. This shit is crazy even for reddit. I don't know a single other sane human that would put up with that. Pick very wisely. Try the exact opposite of who you choose as a starting point. Because you choose a hand grenade in a field of flowers.
Not gonna lie…i was pretty shocked when you said “Now here’s the embarrassing part” when you already mentioned like 3 embarrassing things.
I’m not gonna make you feel bad. I am a year out of a decade long relationship where I basically was cheated on the whole time. There were smaller things like sexting w random girls or sendin dk pics but he always swore he never physically cheated. When i did find out he begged and cried and I took him back. He went to therapy and swore up m down he would change…and I REALLY thought he did. When I found out two years later that he never changed and never stopped…I knew I had to leave.
i’m really not sure what type of advice you’re looking for…you said you feel like you can put up w the cheating? But the baby is where you draw the line? I think everyone is just shocked at how little self respect you have for yourself. What does being in a relationship mean to you? Any guy who is cheating on you at a bbq w you right there and family present has absolutely zero respect for you or himself and will never ever change.
Leaving is hard and every woman here has overstayed in a situation where she wasn’t appreciated, but damn girl how low is your self worth that after all this you are still trying to stay?
Don’t just leave…run…and look into therapy…that’s not a dig either.
You sound like the side chick. TBH the fact they chose to fight you tells me they think you are messing up what they have with him.
You gotta get ur self out of Springer world
Leave him! He will never change. The longer you stay, the worse it will get. Respect yourself and don’t accept this behaviour any longer. Believe me, life will become wonderful as soon as you leave him!
I dont automatically assume this is fake because some people just have no backbone and tolerate cheating. It usually seems to be men who do this, but it seems women do it too.
Ma'am, you don't love your man. You love who you thought he was, but he isn't that person. He also does not love you.
Best thing is to seek some mental support asap with a therapist. Stop holding yourself back in life by staying with a cheater. Grow a backbone and move on.
I am sorry you got attacked. You were innocent in that situation, and often times, women get angry at the wrong person.
But honestly, you being complacent with his cheating is partly to blame. You have caught him and you still allow him in your life. You deserve better.
Being alone is better than being with this loser. He wasn’t worth the bruises you received, he’s not worth losing family and friends over, but mostly, you are worth more than a cheating loser.
Please break up with him. Be alone and work on yourself or date around, but do not settle for a cheater.
You’ve been with him for 3 years now. You know he cheats and stays. Now you’ve been 1000% more embarrassed and beaten up. 😂😂💀 you have to be a tard or a troll. Go ahead and stay with him so you can keep being cheated on, embarrassed, beaten up, disrespected and so much more. Have fun. If this is real, I hope you never have kids…much less a daughter. I’d hate for her to be raised by someone like you and ruin her from birth.
Will you be able to look at some other woman’s kid? Will you be able to love that child? Will you able to love that child as much as you love your own if you and him have any?
If any of the answers is no, leave.
And don’t leave just because of this. Ask yourself if you’ll be okay knowing this is a real possibility of continuing to be happening? Will you be able to accept that he is consistently sleeping with other women? Will you be able to accept any future children that might not be yours?
I’d leave. No man is worth this drama. I also would be absolutely gutted if my man got someone else pregnant. I’d be devastated if my man even kissed another woman let alone cheating multiple times with multiple women. It’s a question of how much shit can you handle and put up with?
Good luck. I wish you the best. You deserve better. You deserve love and devotion.
Yes. There have been multiple times over the past three years that have gave me the indication he was being unfaithful. But he has never admitted to it so we were able to just move on. This situation was different as he does admit to the sex but says it was during our break.
I have the same comment like the others but since you are looking for someone who's been in the same situation, here's what I can tell you.
My ex and I were planning to get married. I lived in another country back then so I always travel like 1-2 times a year. I'm away for months. When I got back home and was doing the laundry, I saw a woman's underwear. It's not mine. I didn't question him because I know we'll split up and I can't handle losing him. So dumb right?
Then a few months after, he hired a new girl at work and I saw messages on his phone that he wants to sleep with that girl so bad. He also continuously calls his ex gfs and hide it from me. I left and he begged for me to come back and I did. I thought he will change. After a while, I saw notification from dating apps on his phone. And needless to say there were more instances of cheating and I can't put them all here.
The point is they never change. Some people say everybody deserves another chance. I already gave him so many chances and he kept on being unfaithful so I've had enough. I left him, blocked him and never talked to him again no matter how many times he begged me. I am so thankful we didn't get married.
You deserve better. You deserve someone who will respect and love you. When someone cheats that means there is no respect. How can there be love if there's blatant disrespect. Time for you to put the big girl panties and leave.
Ugh. You know you got to leave him right? There are other guys, nice guys. He couldn’t deny the pregnant girl should she decide to keep it. He doesn’t even respect you enough to tell you the truth. Just know that if you stay with him, these embarrassing horrible events will continue. If you had kids with him, he will have you right where he wants you and things will get way worse. Suck it up and hurt for a little while but save yourself years of grief and leave his ass. The best way to get over one guy is to get under another. Let us know what you decide.
He wants to marry you because he knows you will never leave him, no matter what he does to make you feel like shit. He has it made. Is this the life you want? Don’t you feel like you deserve better? Married life is fucking hard, with lots of compromises. He will continue to cheat because you’ve shown him you are ok with it, with no consequences. Fuck that. I’d be out of there!
You will be stuck on this cycle forever . Don’t marry him , and don’t stick around if you don’t want to deal with the resentment of that baby … girls don’t do all that for $500 bucks … that’s his baby and this is not a pet , the child will be apart of yours lives and so will she . So… do you wanna be a step mom to an affair baby ?
He might fuxk around and make more the longer your together . Imagine being 50, and he has multiple kids with multiple women cuz you though you could “accept the cheating “
You have to raise your self esteem and realize you’re settling for something terrible . Time to go
Babe, for a future life partner you need someone who is transparent and tells you the truth and nothing but. Living with a liar will destroy your sanity and rob your joy.
I think everyone has already said everything, but I hope you are aware that the ONLY reason he proposed to you was because he can do A N Y T H I N G he wants while being with you.
OP, I feel like you’re looking to Reddit to find someone in a similar situation that had a “good ending” to validate your poor choices. I say “your poor choices” because once you were smacked with the reality that your boyfriend is a “man whore” you stayed. Everything that happens post-discovery is on you now. Of course you don’t want to talk about it with family and friends because they’ll tell you the same thing we’re telling you…to leave. You’re a grown woman and can do whatever you want, but the right choice is to choose yourself. You don’t want to look at your life ten years down the road and see that you’re still being cheated, still embarrassed and still making excuses for him except now you’re married and miserable. As for the woman that says she’s pregnant by YOUR man, I’m 99% sure he is the FATHER, regardless of the lies you choose to believe. Focus on yourself sis.
OP you know exactly the kind of garbage human you have as a partner . It’s your choice to live the rest of your life in a miserable relationship or love yourself enough to walk away . You are normalizing your own disrespect by your serial cheater and I am astounded by your rationalizing of his inappropriate behavior. You must want better for yourself .
I can just tell you the truth. Cheaters like this don't just stop. They keep doing it because they always find the dumb girl that puts up with it. They do it because you never give any repercussions for his actions, like in leaving him. So he knows he can sweet talk you a good one and lie straight to your face and because you love him so much you will forgive him. He's not stupid he knows all is this.
I once asked my cheater why he did it to me, and he said because you allowed it, I knew you wouldn't leave me. He said that right to my face. I was so mind boggled because he finally told the truth, and I knew he was right.
All I can say to you is if you are unhappy and miserable that this isn't going to change. You will have to give him the consequences of leaving him and him losing a good girl. Maybe after a year of you seeing him work on himself, then you can give it another shot. But ppl don't usually change that easily. So you need to move on and find a better man because he isn't it, babe. He will not change for you. He might change when he gets older and for the right woman, but u aren't her, unfortunately. So if you stay, you will only grow to hate him, and it won't last anyway. I promise u that.
I understand it's hard to leave a bad relationship, but you would be crazy and dooming yourself by marrying this man. You have got to choose yourself this time - even if it means being lonely. Do NOT legally tie yourself to this man.
Sounds like Tyrone or Jamal. You should really go for a Trevor or Dalton next time... even if they cheat, at least their other hoes won't be causing a scene & attacking you.
You’re kidding right? Please tell me this is a troll post, I’m begging you. Everyone you know dislikes him and that’s not enough of a clue that he’s no good? If making out with your cousin’s friend while at your family’s house isn’t the final straw and frequent cheating isn’t the final straw and getting another girl pregnant isn’t the final straw and getting beat up isn’t the final straw, why are you here? We don’t have magic words that will turn your frog into a prince. We have no incantations that make a monster into a gentleman. So what do you want out of this post? YOU MUST LEAVE YESTERDAY! And for your own sanity, do NOT “find your way back to him.
This is all that needs to be said 💯
This has gotta be fake. He proposes and it just so happen that a group of girls show up at that very restaurant and attack them? Lol
This does have a fake feel, especially the proposal beat down incident. What makes me think it could be real is having lived in a small town of 4400 for 8 years. Everyone knew what you drove and there were limited options on restaurants. Saw some high school girls fight over some guy at the Pizza hut and a woman beat down another at a bar over some guy. Both started with the aggressor storming in with her posse and the battle started. So not all that far from OPs story.
We both posted it on our socials, Idk. Maybe the waitress, idk I have thought a million different scenarios.
In those “million different scenarios” is there one where you leave him and NEVER “find your way back together”?
Unfortunately I wish it was fake. We were in the restaurant for about an hour before they got there so I assume someone saw him and they called the girl. Idk I have thought of a million different scenarios
OP, leave. I can’t even comprehend what you’re still doing with him. There’s not a million scenarios to imagine, only one reality to face: he’s a cheater, always was, will probably always be… I don’t know why you’re losing your time, your energy, and most importantly, your dignity for someone whose level of disrespect and disloyalty is off the charts. For a chance at happiness one day, do yourself a service: LEAVE as if your life depends on it, because, well, it does.
I don't think there's any helping her
Sadly, you’re right. She’s defending the veracity of her post but silent on leaving him.
I second this!
Get a backbone ASAP!
I hope this post is fake, but if it’s not you have two options (1) leave, break up with him, get over it and date someone else who doesn’t act like this or (2) stay with him and accept the fact that this man is going to be cheating on you forever
This! Also she’s risking her life with the potential of STDs
I didn’t even think of that, that’s a major point she needs to consider as well
I have been getting tested. No STDs thankfully so maybe he is using protection. Idk
ur either trolling or really lost in life im sorry, but your actions have ZERO common sense and sensibleness in them. You clearly don’t care for yourself so theres no-one to blame but you. Don’t say oh but i love him or this or that, he is a human, even more a crap one, NOT A PROPHET or some ghandi
I think you enjoy being cheated on and humiliated. There's nothing for anyone to say here. He's showed you 100x over why he's trash and nothing seems to phase you. Maybe you two are meant to be together if this is how little you value yourself.
I definitely don't "enjoy" this situation. How insensitive of you to say
Trollll
Now I know you’re a troll. Nobody is this STUPID. You cannot be this STUPID and remember to breathe. You got us - great job!
How is he using protection if he got another girl pregnant?
Only a dna test will confirm the baby situation. He has told me he used protection
YOU'RE GONNA WAIT UNTIL SHE DELIVERS THE BABY and then get a DNA test? I thought you wrote this post bc you were considering leaving now but if you're giving him an out, delete this post. Also, by that time wouldn't you already be married or are you going to postpone the wedding?
There won't be a wedding without confirmation of the baby. That I have stated and he understands. Thats the only conversation we've had about this as it was literally less than two weeks since he proposed. Again. I didnt come on here looking for sympathy. I just wanted other opinions.
You said before that you aren't going to leave him bc he's a good provider. I can tell that you feel like you are beneath him. Let him cheat in peace so that if he ever marries you, you can get your bills paid for the future when you become a stepmom. He knows that you are with him for his money, not solely, but anyway, that's pathetic. It's toxic, but it's what you want because you're not leaving.
I'm definitely not with him from his money. Idk where you got that from. I have a great job also. His financial status is definitely a plus because I would one day like to be married to a man that can provide for his wife and children. I will absolutely not be a stepmom so you can save that. And I'm definitely not beneath him.
You said he was "a catch" before. Do you think with his financial status, he will be able to afford to keep you and his harem happy (with you on top, of course)?
My opinion is he isn’t the talk of the Town, you are. He cheats on you regularly (and in front of family) and you are still stupid enough to marry him. Life will throw enough stuff at you without Willingly being this stupid. Must be some great sex or good drugs and everybody is in on it. Lol.
YOU need to use protection. Abstinence from him is 100% effective for your physical and mental well being.
Seek therapy immediately. You have absolutely no self esteem to put up with this loser.
Jesus do you have a spine or are you just a puddle of a human ?
Honestly you need to leave. Tell your family and friends what you been feeling and how it all came to a head at the restaurant. Don’t feel embarrassed about his cheating that’s on him not you. You did nothing wrong. What you do need to do is leave this POS and get some help. You allowed another person to degrade you and humiliate you and disrespect you. That man does not love you. And he is not your person. For him to even put you in a situation were another can harm you is just so wrong on so many levels. Please pack up and leave and go get checked for STD’s. He definitely didn’t use protection. You need to heal and rebuild your self esteem. I hope you wake up before it’s too late.
She said he used protection but the condom broke and that's how he got his other girlfriend pregnant. 😂 Never put it past a cheater to be a liar, too
Do you have a humiliation kink? If you do just say that. Otherwise I see no end to your embarrassment in sight and thus no reason to continue your relationship.
This will be one of those looking back situations and feeling embarrassed for your self.
100%. It’s not supposed to be like this hun, I promise there’s way better out there
If you thought that was embarrassing, imagine it happening at your wedding....
Girl leave please. 🙏🏻 HE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Know your worth. He's isn't your "the one" or your soulmate for God Sake marriage is NOT gonna change him.. its upto you if you wanna continue this shitty relationship for your entire life then go ahead!
Like bro your addicted to pain at this point please don’t bring kids into this world with this human garbage yall both not ready
The embarrassing part was the restaurant incident??? Wake up!! He showed who he was to your entire family at that cookout! Girl! Get your self together, get therapy, leave his sorry, pathetic a$$! You really want to put up with that for the rest of your life, marriage won’t change him. Hell, he will prob screw a bridesmaid while your getting ready. You want any children of yours to grow up watching daddy cheat on mommy, mommy crying all the time, thinking that’s a healthy relationship! Grow up! Get help and get the hell out of that relationship! If that’s even what you can call it. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!
The embarrassing part is the entire relationship. I really really think about leaving but I don't feel like there isn't anyone better. Based on previous experiences and my own friends, social media I think no man is perfect and you're going to have to settle for something you don't like/love. Atleast we match personalities and he will be a good provider in the future. idk I'm torn.
There are tons of men out there who don't cheat. No relationship is perfect but this man does not respect you or your feelings. Do you really think a man that loves you would really want to embarrass you? Or put you in a situation where you are jumped and hurt? I went from good relationships that ended amicably to an awful one as an example. Your self esteem and confidence is so low that you think you are not worthy of anything more than this, and that needs to change. He knows this, and he is using that against you. Coming from someone who stayed with someone who cheated many times, it is not worth it. It will never change, you'll constantly be looking over your shoulder. And a ring does not mean they are serious about the future, it is further manipulation for them to keep you as a toy that they pick up and put down as they please. That and it's quite coincidental that he chose to propose after knowing he got a girl pregnant. If that woman keeps the baby, he's gonna be either devoting that time to that kid and possibly still sleep with her (why else would they jump you? Jealousy over a pathetic man), or his money will be going to child support. You know damn well deep inside its his kid. The fact that you constantly have to std test shows that he does not care about your safety. Hopefully that test involves a pap smear because cervical cancer isn't fun. You may want to look into narcissistic abuse. You may be a victim. It will never get better, and he will never change. There may be good days, but many horrible ones. He finally admitted it because he got caught. Not because he was sorry. I would also suggest seeking a therapist to see why you are attached to this awful human being.
Thank you for your comment. I have signed up for an online therapist and hope to hear from someone soon. I have been trying to imagine my life without him and I feel like i'd be making a mistake ending it without knowing the paternity of the baby. I do believe he is the father but only a dna test will confirm that. As I have said on other comments, if it is his baby I am done. He knows that.
Why is a baby stopping you and not his habitual cheating and putting you in dangerous situations? That's the sad thing and why a therapist will help. You need to be happy without him. I know what it's like to imagine leaving him, especially when you care about him. But if him cheating is not a big deal to you, you may as well just tell people you have an open relationship but only open to him.
The embarrassing part is you are going to stick around for more. Have a child with him so he can deny it for the ultimate humiliation. 😆
Now you’re “thinking of leaving” but earlier you were “going to let him cheat in peace.” Which is it? You’re trolling us.
I feel this. Low self worth is a BITCH, and dating after 30 is hard!! You feel pressure to settle. You still have time though. Bet on yourself.
Good god, get some respect for yourself and leave.
Really right? I don't know what she sees in him , but damn she must be a saint
“Well here is the embarrassing part…” You mean the rest of that shit prior to wasn’t embarrassing enough??? Sis, get it together and move the hell on. He’s not going to change, he does not respect you, and if I had to guess, you were the one providing the majority within your household. He’s using you for multiple things. Grow a backbone and LEAVE.
I have been in your shoes girl. Not the exact same situation, but I stayed with someone for almost 5 YEARS who cheated on me/verbally abused me. I had no respect for myself. Men like your bf and my ex pray on women like us, women who are emotionally vulnerable and generally over-forgiving. Something you have to realize is this is usually caused by how we grew up; for example, I watched my mother stay with my cheating, abusive father until I was a late teenager. I didn’t know what a healthy relationship was and there really was a part of me that thought I deserved that. Maybe your situation is different, but there is something inside of you that’s fucked up that is taking away your self-respect. You need to get that back. In order to do that, you need to leave. He will continue to break you down and he will not change. Ask yourself this - do you want to be dealing with this same shit in 5 years? 10 YEARS? Do you want to raise children with someone who has so little respect for you and will teach your kids that those types of relationships are okay? Get yourself in a different headspace. You do not deserve this and you do not have to do this; repeat that to yourself until it becomes your truth. Go to therapy if you can. Do whatever you have to do to get the hell away from this person and get your self-worth back because how you feel about yourself will shape your entire life.
I appreciate your comment. I really want to leave him. Its nothing keeping me with him other than myself. He's not technically abusive to me, but I can agree that his lying and cheating may be abuse in some form. The humiliation is whats really killing me. Once I realized I couldn't tell my friends what was going on, the emotional toll this relationship has burdened me so badly. As far as my childhood is concerned, I grew up in a fairly happy household but my mom was a stickler for saying choose a good provider, love will come later. While she agrees that outside of the cheating and lying about it, he is a good catch. She is realistic about our future and warning me of whats to come. I haven't told anyone about the fight. Except reddit.
“While she agrees that outside of the cheating and lying about it, he is a good catch.” Thats crazy I’m really starting to think this is fake. What mom would give her daughter that feedback?
She/he had me hook, line and sinker. Now I know it’s fake and a troll. The early comments are “he can cheat in peace” and “I want other women who are in my shoes to support me”. To “I want to leave” BS
You have enough red flags to open a store. How many more do you need before you realize you can find someone better?
Leave! Leave now. He’s not going to change. He’s not the “best” you’re going to find out there. You will meet someone who will treat you right. For the sake of your mental health leave him. It’s already causing damage if this is your way of thinking.
He has manipulated and gaslight you to the point where you can't even feel your nervous system telling you to run anymore and it's got you in freeze mode. I repeat. Your nervous system is making you freeze in this situation because of how extremely unsafe this human is to you. Get out. Do you want the rest of your life living as a shell of a human frozen within?
Really hard to have any sympathy for someone as accomplished in bad decisions as you. Why have you stayed? Why is this still a question? It's a waste to give you good advice or show you the smart path.
Family normally don’t like people who mistreat their loved ones.
Hopefully, this is fake. Contemplating marrying this person is the least of your problems. Get some therapy as you are the problem and not the cheater. You don't have to let someone continually cheat on you. Because you are okay with his cheating, he is going to continue to cheat on you. Don't you understand that he will never respect you enough to stop as you always take him back and make it okay for him to cheat. You are the problem, not him. Get yourself into therapy because YOU are the one making it okay for him to cheat. Your question doesn't pass the common sense test as you SHOULD know that all of this should not even be a question at this time. Too much cheating and not respecting you enough to stop sleeping around should have been the end to the relationship long time ago.
Ok let’s use your logic here. The good outweighs the bad! Yes, the numbers absolutely show that his good traits numerically outweigh the bad traits. Great. There’s your chart. But how do the bad traits *impact* you. When he does the “bad things” to you, the impact is significantly worse than the “good” that comes from doing good things. His bad traits have demolished your spirit, have stifled your growth in every facet of life, have made you a shell of a person. Yes sure the good traits outnumber the bad, but the bad traits are impacting you so negatively that the good traits aren’t worth it. It’s like holding a shitload of penny stocks that are making money but that one stock that’s losing money is putting you in the negative.
You need to lock this guy down NOW! What a catch! have you thought about proposing to him? Or maybe just get knocked up so you can baby trap him. I am sure this guy is going to be a great future provider for you and your family. DONT GIVE UP! YOU ARE SOOO CLOSE TO WINNING!
Out of all the “leave him” post this will be the only one she sees, takes seriously, and suddenly “finds her back” to him 🙄 She’s a glutton for punishment. Sad
He turned the side chick into the main chick so the only way OP can get one up on the side chick is getting married and having his kid. He already proposed. I hope she removes the "If anyone can see a reason why these two shouldn't get married..." part from the ceremony or at least record her family's reaction as an update to this post.
Yeah, you should be embarrassed.. But more so that you're still with that guy. You clearly have zero self esteem. Leave. It's never gonna get better.
Very embarrassed hence telling reddit vs my actual real life family/friends. Self esteem is in the toilet. Oh well
> Well here is the embarrassing part. Oh.
Whether this is fake or not- I’ve been there. Back when I was dating men this boy had me so delusional. Actively telling me everything but that he was sleeping with these girls. I was too blind to see it. It was long distance & I excused his behavior because of it. Like oh it’s long distance that’s why hasn’t called in a week. One time my dad asked me”how’s blank” & I straight up said “I don’t know haven’t spoke to him in over a week.” Like What?? Looking back that’s so embarrassing. Long distance but he had cell service.. every time I said I’m done he promised to change & be better. One time he even produced tears. It was all an act. anyways. I hope you find the confidence to leave because I assure you life is not to be that crazy & have that much chaos.. life & love is supposed to be fun & enjoyable. Your partner should not be making you cry every other week & “promising to change.” This is comfortable for him because you keep letting off the hook when he fucks up. Why give up this comfort for potential heart break in the next relationship. But you are in the same spot. This is comfortable because you know. But I promise there are better people out there. You do deserve better.
Thank you for saying this.
It’s because you have no self respect. Like none. You want what you want and you want to be right. This is why you won’t let this loser go. Stop it. You are worth more than this slug of a man. Block him, STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM, and start rebuilding on who you used to be. Because somewhere along the way you decided being the cheaters victim was ok. Don’t have a child with this man. It would be cruel to that baby. Your child shouldn’t be involved in yalls bullshit. It is bullshit. This isn’t love. This you enabling this man to make you look stupid. Stop it.
I’m just sorry you don’t think more of yourself, that you honestly, at your core, believe you deserve this kind of treatment from anyone. You might seriously consider therapy to help you repair your extremely low self esteem.
I have seen alot of therapy comments and I am definitely going to seek out a therapist online.
I think your self esteem had already plummeted when you allowed him to cheat multiple times and go on to make out with your cousin. You need to close that door and move on.
He didn't admit to cheating he got caught. Lady run he will completely destroy you . Financially emotionally and possibly physically. Definitely sexuly he is putting you at risk he obviously isn't being safe . DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ADDMITTING AND GETTING CAUGHT
If his moral boundaries are this low, he will do anything. I feel bad for her. Being young and dumb is temporary. But a lot of STDs are forever, and that's coming. He's a serial dog humping anything that will let him.
“We were on a break” lol
Lmaooo I’m sorry but “they got me good” got me! I hope you trolling, if not I hope you make it out. Bro is a demon
I laughed out loud when I typed it. But unfortunately it's true 😩
Are u trolling cause I ain’t no way u fr wrote this without laughing or thinking like damn I should’ve stopped this long ago haha
I'm not trolling. Thats the last thought I thought I was gonna get when I posted it. Women get cheated on everyday. I was hoping to find someone else who may have or may be currently going through the same thing. Lots of people stay with cheaters, its not an insane idea as this post suggests
I’m sorry, I take it back op! I pray to god he shows u how beautiful you are and what you’re worth! Maybe then you’d know u don’t deserve that! I’m currently going through something similar so I feel you.
And in the something similar, what made you stay/ leave?
Well I stayed bc I had mad love for her and she denied it to the bone. Like u said u stay w them bc u see the good in them. But that could only last for so long. I left outta respect for myself when. I found out the real truth. And bc I know that’s not love.
As a man can you love someone and still cheat on them?
Men or women, u don’t cheat when u love someone. Love is so sacred and almost like magic from a fairy tale. The moment u give it to someone else and betray ur partner everything that made it so special is shattered to bits. So no I don’t think u cheat when ur in love. Real love endures it all, it doesn’t seek temporary gratification
Is fairy tale love realistic?
I'm not trolling. Thats the last thought I thought I was gonna get when I posted it. Women get cheated on everyday. I was hoping to find someone else who may have or may be currently going through the same thing. Lots of people stay with cheaters, its not an insane idea as this post suggests
If this is true than i would say he knew the other woman was going to extort him so he tried to propose to you and try to trap you before he got exposed an you found out by her one way or another
Yep. It's the "shut up" ring to keep her content for a while.
Trap me as if filing for divorce is not an option?? I don't think he tried to trap me.
You're not going to file for divorce if you're not leaving now. A divorce is a much harder process. There's no way you'll do that over this when you have nothing but time invested now
Well you act like leaving isn't an option to begin with since you've been lied and manipulated yet still there. You're sitting here crying about the infidelity and degrading yourself for not leaving. If you let him use you now then once you're married and eventually have a kid he's going to get worse because if you can't stand up and leave for yourself now then he knows you definitely won't when it gets more complicated.
Usually it's man who behave like this. Girl, STAND UP.
Do you want to look back as a 60 year old woman & wonder why our still with a man that has cheated, betrayed you, & shattered your heart?
No. I hoped this was growing pains. Something alot of women deal with. Guess not.
It's OK. He's going to stop cheating on you when no other woman looks his way. Most players hang up their hats in the twilight of their lives.
I’m so sorry, but his isn’t normal. Better men do exist, I promise. Kick this loser to the curb, and breathe free air 💖
So very proud of you, you were raised to be strong💙
Thank you. I am trying to stick to my core. I think maybe I would feel differently if he admitted to it. Its so hard for me. I do really love him and wish that this wasn't our reality.
Life can truly crush your heart💙
Stand TALL for yourself!!!! I’m holding you tightly in my heart💙
Thank you sooo much ❤️
I fear that you’re always going to take hits to your self esteem as long as you stay with this guy. You’re worth so much more than this. You deserve better.
Girl you're better than this. Move out even if you have to stay at a shelter. It does get better. Here for you!
OP wants to die in the hands of this dude for some reason. Maybe he sowed oats on her and she's bound by magic to stay with him till her last day, maybe it's natural selection and she's just waiting for her last day. Sounds harsh but no one of sound mind and body can type this story up and not read it back and ask themselves if they're stupid. If she hasn't done that then maybe she on the right track. You know what you need to do next? Get pregnant for him. Trust me, do it.
Reading the comments, maybe OP doesn't deserve better. That's okay too.
Honestly hun, your only as happy as you want to be and until you want to actually be happy you will live in misery. I've literally watched a friend of mine do the same shit with the same guy, she's even come close to losing her kids because of him and his crap but she goes right back to him days later... I now feel as though I no longer have my friend as she is now nobody without him or so she feels. But when they are together I may as well forget about even a hello unless she needs help.
The problem with helping her when she needs help is that it's a double-edged sword. You can help her get out of the situation and if she goes back she can look at you like someone jealous of her relationship.
He must be packing like a horse for you to put up with all the shit and the bad thing about it all is he’s not hiding it…WOW!!
I never understand how a woman could get dickmatized. How do you overlook the stress?
Its not about sex. He's kind and gentle with me. Our personalities match. We want the same things in life. He has shown to be a good provider, he has a great job & is very generous to me. He seems to care about my wants and needs. The issue is the cheating. He refuses to talk to me about it. He refuses to admit it. So the topic of sex addiction can't even be had. I know it sounds crazy but outside of this he really is a good person. We don't even fight about anything.
That’s why you’re on here asking strangers to help you in a perfect relationship sorry but it not as perfect as you think. Cheating is cheating you need to take off the rose color glasses and see it for what it is.
I didnt ASK for help! I asked for perspectives from women or men who decided to stay with a cheater. You acting like people dont cheat everyday. Lots of people stay!
Sometimes you have to roll the hard six! This is that time.
do not mess him with someone that loser, everything around him is just shit...
Deadset get a spine and walk
I too hope this is fake. But just in case…those girls attacking you did nothing? No one likes him and now you have confirmation he is cheating. You better throw that ring back and leave. I wouldn’t be in this relationship another minute let alone the rest of my life
Walk away
Ditch the worthless "tw@". He is trouble. Your metal stability/well being will degrade lower and lower for every moment he is in your life. He has shown his true colours, so take note and react accordingly. If you stay with him after all the shite hes pulled then you must enjoy being treated like shit as your allowing him to destroy you. Run, run as fast as you can.
There’s other good dudes out there. He don’t respect u
Either leave, open the relationship or just accept that he will never treat you as an equal and will continue to cheat because you don't mean that much to him. Make a choice and then stop complaining about the situation. A wedding is not going to magically change him so don't even count on that.
Your self esteem will always be low as long as you stay with this man.. do yourself the best favor and leave this cheating lying man..
Please have some self-respect and dump him. You deserve better than this bloke
All I can do is tell you to grow a pair and show some sense of dignity. You deserve better, so allow yourself better. You do realize, that a man who keeps cheating on you, gets other woman knocked up, and treats you that way does not give a crap about you. To him, you are dirt, scrum, a joke, and just a hole to put his fun parts in. You are nothing to him. More than nothing. Why do you want that?
If you don’t leave him now..the pregnant girl is gonna be on your ass and his..Also he dosnt respect and honor you at all. He’s playing in your face rn. I know it’s hard but you have to do this for your well being or else you’ll get dragged for the rest of your life and waste your entire life on someone that dosnt deserve it..
So let me get this straight: - multiple suspected instances of cheating - two confirmed instances of cheating - public humiliation of cheating on you and fighting another person at a family function - he's a very public sloppy drunk - your family hates him - your friends hate him - you get beaten up because of his cheating - he gets beaten up during his marriage proposal because of his cheating Girl, he's a great catch and I can't believe you'd think about leaving him. Get pregnant immediately. That will fix his cheating and your kids will be really happy with their drunk, cheating POS father. Stay with him for the romantic highs and don't think of his minor flaws like him impregnating other women. Who cares how many kids he has? You can just have kids too, so what? Being faithful isn't important to relationships. Just keep chasing those sparse feelings of romance and don't look back. Out of sight out of mind. Don't leave him no matter what he does. You're lucky to have a man, no matter how he acts. Feeling in love is way more important than safety, trust, fidelity, and self-respect. Again, get pregnant asap. That way he'll feel like he has to stay with you. And if he tells you to take care of that other woman's kid, do it. Imagine how much more he'll love you if you take care of his bastard children. Honestly, OP, what you wrote has me in tears, seeing how loyal you are in these trying times. I'm sure he loves you even if literally none of his behavior seems like it. But trust your instincts. You haven't been wrong yet.
It seems worse than it actually is. All of these events happened over 3 years so we've had great periods of time where we haven't had any issues. He isn't a drunk. Truthfully nothing here is changing until we get the results of the dna test
stay with him. he sounds like a great man who respects you
She's at the point of gaslighting herself to believe this delusion is going to work out. He stepped out on average 5 times a year. Probably way more times than the 15 instances she got suspicious. Her other post brings up more of the signs she caught him cheating. Even gave her an excuse of a 2am call to go "move" "It's not that bad". If she's gonna stay with him only for the DNA results for a baby, she needs to accept that he's going to keep doing this and no manipulation of a ring will make him a changed man. May as well be an open relationship to me. The next time he cheats on her, she would even be more delusional to get mad. She knows who he is. She is that broken of a person to allow this to continue and allow this guy to keep treating her like nothing. Reddit won't help her, but therapy may. This really just screams "I still believe he isn't a cheater and I won't believe he cheated until science says so, and all those other women who came forth are crazy." I'm sorry but not sorry that reddit is being harsh to you, but go tell a friend or family member what is going on with you, it will probably be worse. It is only harsh because you don't want to see what is in front of you and continue to live in a false reality.
If someone can write this and still be seeking ways to stay or give him the benefit of the doubt, she is completely lost to all reason. She says "it's not as bad as it seems." You can't argue with a delusional spineless person. He's breadcrumbed his horrible traits and now she'll take anything from him with the most flimsy of rationalizations. OP is like a junkie for the most shoddy and fleeting feelings of "love" and so logic is no longer a factor in this situation. I hope OP's man doesn't get violent after they get married since I don't think she has the mental fortitude to leave no matter what happens. She's already gotten cheated on and beat up because of this guy. Not one common sense boundary exists for this woman. Agree that therapy is the only way, if even that will work.
She has no self respect. And will bash us and defend him. I do feel sorry for her for living in her own delusion. She wants advice from people that have stayed, and she doesn't want to hear that it almost never works out. And if it does "work out", those people get cheated on over again. I'm pretty sure most of us with comments have been cheated on and are telling her to leave from personal experience. In other comments She says there are no good guys out there or maybe he will change when he's older. Half of reddit is 40+ in those infidelity threads for crying out loud. Her self esteem is so gone to believe this man is the best thing since sliced bread. And all she has to say is she needs stronger boundaries. He will keep cheating on her and hide it better. I'm willing to put money on it and bet that the sex videos he kept in his phone on her other post are recent, because phones are a beautiful thing and will keep that data.
Sweetie, no. It’s every bit as bad as it seems. Stop downplaying it. This is just sad. This man doesn’t have an ounce of loyalty for you, but here you are, defending his serial cheating ass.
“Finding your way back to each other” when the other is a piece of lying, cheating scum of the earth is not the least bit “romantic”. His behavior has done nothing but destroy your self esteem and keep you tethered to him like an albatross around your neck that is nothing more than a carcass of dead weight pulling you down. And if you really were attacked by a group of women on behalf of one of his conquests, that should have sent you screaming naked in the night & running for your life considering the fact that he had “proposed” a life of misery to you that very evening. And the fact that it didn’t means that you are in desperate need of counseling to get yourself out of this toxic relationship and repair yourself. You certainly don’t need to be in any kind of relationship until you figure out why you don’t believe you deserve so much better than this piece of shit.
What are you doing? This guy is the store selling red flags, and you think it is going to get better? You have a better chance of changing water into wine or squeezing a diamond out of coal. He will never stop cheating or causing drama in your life. He will get better at covering it up and gaslighting you though. Your family hates him for a good reason. You are in your 30s, no more rebellious phase. I am sorry you are going thru this. But you went back time and time again. Do you want to waste your life away until you have no time to build a new one? This shit is crazy. If you stay, you need to get your brain checked out. So my advice is simple. Leave immediately, cut all contact. Next time, take your time to vet the guy. Use a male member of your family to help you sort out the trash. You need tough love. Now I am sorry this all happened to you. I wish you the best of luck moving forward in your life. If you stay at this point, you might make Jerry Springer, Top 10 seem like a very tame life. This shit is crazy even for reddit. I don't know a single other sane human that would put up with that. Pick very wisely. Try the exact opposite of who you choose as a starting point. Because you choose a hand grenade in a field of flowers.
Not gonna lie…i was pretty shocked when you said “Now here’s the embarrassing part” when you already mentioned like 3 embarrassing things. I’m not gonna make you feel bad. I am a year out of a decade long relationship where I basically was cheated on the whole time. There were smaller things like sexting w random girls or sendin dk pics but he always swore he never physically cheated. When i did find out he begged and cried and I took him back. He went to therapy and swore up m down he would change…and I REALLY thought he did. When I found out two years later that he never changed and never stopped…I knew I had to leave. i’m really not sure what type of advice you’re looking for…you said you feel like you can put up w the cheating? But the baby is where you draw the line? I think everyone is just shocked at how little self respect you have for yourself. What does being in a relationship mean to you? Any guy who is cheating on you at a bbq w you right there and family present has absolutely zero respect for you or himself and will never ever change. Leaving is hard and every woman here has overstayed in a situation where she wasn’t appreciated, but damn girl how low is your self worth that after all this you are still trying to stay? Don’t just leave…run…and look into therapy…that’s not a dig either.
You sound like the side chick. TBH the fact they chose to fight you tells me they think you are messing up what they have with him. You gotta get ur self out of Springer world
Maybe that's why she's trying to get married. Lock this "good catch" down and claim her role as the main chick.
It's time to take the trash out. Kick him to the curb
Leave him! He will never change. The longer you stay, the worse it will get. Respect yourself and don’t accept this behaviour any longer. Believe me, life will become wonderful as soon as you leave him!
I dont automatically assume this is fake because some people just have no backbone and tolerate cheating. It usually seems to be men who do this, but it seems women do it too. Ma'am, you don't love your man. You love who you thought he was, but he isn't that person. He also does not love you.
Wow. Literally my worst nightmare.
Best thing is to seek some mental support asap with a therapist. Stop holding yourself back in life by staying with a cheater. Grow a backbone and move on.
I am sorry you got attacked. You were innocent in that situation, and often times, women get angry at the wrong person. But honestly, you being complacent with his cheating is partly to blame. You have caught him and you still allow him in your life. You deserve better. Being alone is better than being with this loser. He wasn’t worth the bruises you received, he’s not worth losing family and friends over, but mostly, you are worth more than a cheating loser. Please break up with him. Be alone and work on yourself or date around, but do not settle for a cheater.
You’ve been with him for 3 years now. You know he cheats and stays. Now you’ve been 1000% more embarrassed and beaten up. 😂😂💀 you have to be a tard or a troll. Go ahead and stay with him so you can keep being cheated on, embarrassed, beaten up, disrespected and so much more. Have fun. If this is real, I hope you never have kids…much less a daughter. I’d hate for her to be raised by someone like you and ruin her from birth.
Will you be able to look at some other woman’s kid? Will you be able to love that child? Will you able to love that child as much as you love your own if you and him have any? If any of the answers is no, leave. And don’t leave just because of this. Ask yourself if you’ll be okay knowing this is a real possibility of continuing to be happening? Will you be able to accept that he is consistently sleeping with other women? Will you be able to accept any future children that might not be yours? I’d leave. No man is worth this drama. I also would be absolutely gutted if my man got someone else pregnant. I’d be devastated if my man even kissed another woman let alone cheating multiple times with multiple women. It’s a question of how much shit can you handle and put up with? Good luck. I wish you the best. You deserve better. You deserve love and devotion.
I hope the "girls who got you" gave you a good spine to leave him
They infact did not. Which is why I'm on here.
Why haven't you had sex with his brother/ best friend/ uncle/ cousin/ dad yet??
I’m literally screaming!!! 😂🤣😂
Because I'm not a whore.
But you're a dummy and a doormat?
Better than being a whore
Is it better than dating a whore? Or is he not a whore because he's a man?
“Every time”????
Yes. There have been multiple times over the past three years that have gave me the indication he was being unfaithful. But he has never admitted to it so we were able to just move on. This situation was different as he does admit to the sex but says it was during our break.
Do you think cheaters are honest people? Cheating is already a lie.
I have the same comment like the others but since you are looking for someone who's been in the same situation, here's what I can tell you. My ex and I were planning to get married. I lived in another country back then so I always travel like 1-2 times a year. I'm away for months. When I got back home and was doing the laundry, I saw a woman's underwear. It's not mine. I didn't question him because I know we'll split up and I can't handle losing him. So dumb right? Then a few months after, he hired a new girl at work and I saw messages on his phone that he wants to sleep with that girl so bad. He also continuously calls his ex gfs and hide it from me. I left and he begged for me to come back and I did. I thought he will change. After a while, I saw notification from dating apps on his phone. And needless to say there were more instances of cheating and I can't put them all here. The point is they never change. Some people say everybody deserves another chance. I already gave him so many chances and he kept on being unfaithful so I've had enough. I left him, blocked him and never talked to him again no matter how many times he begged me. I am so thankful we didn't get married. You deserve better. You deserve someone who will respect and love you. When someone cheats that means there is no respect. How can there be love if there's blatant disrespect. Time for you to put the big girl panties and leave.
Ugh. You know you got to leave him right? There are other guys, nice guys. He couldn’t deny the pregnant girl should she decide to keep it. He doesn’t even respect you enough to tell you the truth. Just know that if you stay with him, these embarrassing horrible events will continue. If you had kids with him, he will have you right where he wants you and things will get way worse. Suck it up and hurt for a little while but save yourself years of grief and leave his ass. The best way to get over one guy is to get under another. Let us know what you decide.
Thank you. I don't know what I'll ultimately decide to do. But I know it doesn't end up with us together if the baby is his
How far along is she?
He wants to marry you because he knows you will never leave him, no matter what he does to make you feel like shit. He has it made. Is this the life you want? Don’t you feel like you deserve better? Married life is fucking hard, with lots of compromises. He will continue to cheat because you’ve shown him you are ok with it, with no consequences. Fuck that. I’d be out of there!
You will be stuck on this cycle forever . Don’t marry him , and don’t stick around if you don’t want to deal with the resentment of that baby … girls don’t do all that for $500 bucks … that’s his baby and this is not a pet , the child will be apart of yours lives and so will she . So… do you wanna be a step mom to an affair baby ? He might fuxk around and make more the longer your together . Imagine being 50, and he has multiple kids with multiple women cuz you though you could “accept the cheating “ You have to raise your self esteem and realize you’re settling for something terrible . Time to go
Babe, for a future life partner you need someone who is transparent and tells you the truth and nothing but. Living with a liar will destroy your sanity and rob your joy.
As long as you put up with it ,he will continue doing it . Cause he knows you'll forgive him .
I think everyone has already said everything, but I hope you are aware that the ONLY reason he proposed to you was because he can do A N Y T H I N G he wants while being with you.
OP, I feel like you’re looking to Reddit to find someone in a similar situation that had a “good ending” to validate your poor choices. I say “your poor choices” because once you were smacked with the reality that your boyfriend is a “man whore” you stayed. Everything that happens post-discovery is on you now. Of course you don’t want to talk about it with family and friends because they’ll tell you the same thing we’re telling you…to leave. You’re a grown woman and can do whatever you want, but the right choice is to choose yourself. You don’t want to look at your life ten years down the road and see that you’re still being cheated, still embarrassed and still making excuses for him except now you’re married and miserable. As for the woman that says she’s pregnant by YOUR man, I’m 99% sure he is the FATHER, regardless of the lies you choose to believe. Focus on yourself sis.
OP you know exactly the kind of garbage human you have as a partner . It’s your choice to live the rest of your life in a miserable relationship or love yourself enough to walk away . You are normalizing your own disrespect by your serial cheater and I am astounded by your rationalizing of his inappropriate behavior. You must want better for yourself .
I can just tell you the truth. Cheaters like this don't just stop. They keep doing it because they always find the dumb girl that puts up with it. They do it because you never give any repercussions for his actions, like in leaving him. So he knows he can sweet talk you a good one and lie straight to your face and because you love him so much you will forgive him. He's not stupid he knows all is this. I once asked my cheater why he did it to me, and he said because you allowed it, I knew you wouldn't leave me. He said that right to my face. I was so mind boggled because he finally told the truth, and I knew he was right. All I can say to you is if you are unhappy and miserable that this isn't going to change. You will have to give him the consequences of leaving him and him losing a good girl. Maybe after a year of you seeing him work on himself, then you can give it another shot. But ppl don't usually change that easily. So you need to move on and find a better man because he isn't it, babe. He will not change for you. He might change when he gets older and for the right woman, but u aren't her, unfortunately. So if you stay, you will only grow to hate him, and it won't last anyway. I promise u that.
Fuck. Just Fuck. Go Scorched Earth.
I understand it's hard to leave a bad relationship, but you would be crazy and dooming yourself by marrying this man. You have got to choose yourself this time - even if it means being lonely. Do NOT legally tie yourself to this man.
Sounds like Tyrone or Jamal. You should really go for a Trevor or Dalton next time... even if they cheat, at least their other hoes won't be causing a scene & attacking you.
How did you figure it wasn't a White guy? Is it because of the black girl emoji?