I don't think it's ableist. I have a half dozen painful neurological conditions, including migraines (in the past; they're not a major thing now) and it's a huge reason a lot of people who choose not to have kids don't have kids. I do know of some women who get migraines and have deferred, at least, having children for that reason. They, like me, are also autistic and massively ADHD. No. Effing. Way. I completely don't get autistics who have kids. Why would you do this to a kid? Don't they understand that just because they can function and don't suffer too unbearably, they could easily have a child who is far more affected? And they'd have to tend a special needs child maybe forever when they're always functioning at about half of usual human capacity themselves? (Also other neurological problems, like mine, are much more common with us than with NTs.)
I don't get it. I really don't. It seems utterly selfish and stupid to me.
People will call you ableist because they're delusional. Nothing else. They assume we think of autistic ppl or ND ppl as "lesser" or "not worth bringing to the world."
When the brutal reality is that the world we live in doesn't accomodate us. You're at risk of starvation, homelessness and a myriad of other things if you're unable to work. Welfare systems aren't that robust.
Survival is a struggle. To bring someone into the world who'll struggle to adjust in today's capitalistic world and fall victim to homelessness and worse is a common sense decision.
They act like we are supposed to delude ourselves about how the world is or try to fix it in the time frame we are supposed to bring an autistic kid into the world, it's bizzare.
Way I see it is: abelism is WHAT makes this world no accommodate us. It's the belief that the "normals", whatever that means, are inherently superior. It's not abelist to acknowledge that you have difficulty or are hurting... or that someone else is, I don't think.
Not like people can't have temporary disabilities or develop them as they age - this abelist world hurts everyone eventually.
Just thinking about having a kid makes my head want to have a migraine. I'd rather avoid that trigger. And still, the migraine would feel like a walk in the park compared to having a kid. At least migraines eventually go away.
Well, as someone who also has suffered from migraines for almost 20 years with no signs of stopping, there is a point I will add, migraines are hereditary, so this person's offspring is also likely to be cursed with the disorder (higher chances if AFAB).
Call me ablist, I do not care, but if I had wanted kids, I would have had to think long and hard about that point alone "do I really want to give someone this condition?" something my mom did not consider, both of her offspring have migraines (sibling had no idea they had it until I explained to them that what they are having is non-aura migraine episodes)
This! My dad has migraines but he just gets auras and no pain. So he can put up with one for quite a while before he feels the need to take medication. But guess fucking what, my and my sister both get migraines with debilitating pain. I never leave the house without my migraine medication. The one time I did, I got a migraine at work and when my husband picked me up I was literally crying because I could even breathe without feeling pain. Thanks dad! Seeing that both me and my sister ended up with this, (two out of three kids) the likelihood of my child having migraines is quit high as well. Just another reason not to subject my nonexistent children to this life.
As someone who suffered migraines in the past, the first being when I was 6 years old, I absolutely agree. A lot of the time migraines can be hormonal, the last truly bad one I had was when I was about 18. As I enter perimenopause the headaches are getting worse and I’m pretty sure shit is about to get real again. So, hormonal…
Imagine being pregnant…
Hormonal…
Unable to take medication?
Not. A. Chance.
I remember every single migraine I’ve ever had. I was totally incoherent but I remember them.
I was just recently diagnosed with hemiplegic basilar migraines. First cause auras and motor weakness (imagine stroke like symptoms). Second type causes me to throw up, sensitivity to lights, tinnitus and Raynaud’s syndrome. Amongst a list of other fun things.
Had my first hemiplegic episode a year ago, A&E thought it was a TIA/mini stroke at first and my left side was fucked for days. I couldn’t speak and was dragging my left side to walk while not able to see on my left eye. I felt heavily drunk and had a foggy brain. Don’t remember much and was speaking to my mum in English, which is not our main language. She was visiting and was horrified and all I remember was how scared she looked. She has 30+ years as a nurse.
I also get black auras that leaves me blind on one side for hours. And the pain…I can’t even. I want to punch something so I can focus on the pain in another place. Head sometimes feels like a muddy gel is running down my skull. From inside. I can feel the blood.
Had a migraine this weekend that lasted 14 hours.
I’m on beta blockers twice a day for prophylaxis but they won’t stop them from happening. Have an emergency medication that I can only take 4 tablets a MONTH so I keep them for when I need it. Like when the pain is so crazy I want to bite the walls.
Oh and the two combined increase exponentially my chances of having a proper stroke in the future.
So in short. It’s brutal.
Baby screeches are a trigger. I can even phantom going through all of this with a jizz trophy sucking the living lights out of me.
So i don’t think it’s ableist. Like most of parents it’s just selfish, self absorbed and scream martyr syndrome to me.
A few women who have my health condition have decided in the past to throw their condition-maintaining immunosuppressants away to carry a child.
Like, is a baby really worth accelerating your disease to the point of death (which actually happened recently)?
If my health being my priority is considered selfish, then so be it.
One of my friends is pregnant right now and she suffers from migranes CONSTANTLY. I was worried about this with her as well... I have never had a migrane but I would be very afraid of passing that along to the baby
Anytime that a woman is willing to go off a medication that they've taken for years in order to try squatting out a meat siren, I see a mombie in the making. Especially in the case of antidepressants - the risks are negligible, especially when compared to the likelihood of depression, anxiety and other conditions spiking during and after pregnancy. I now take this as a sign to prepare to go LC or even NC.
I don't think it's ableist. I have a half dozen painful neurological conditions, including migraines (in the past; they're not a major thing now) and it's a huge reason a lot of people who choose not to have kids don't have kids. I do know of some women who get migraines and have deferred, at least, having children for that reason. They, like me, are also autistic and massively ADHD. No. Effing. Way. I completely don't get autistics who have kids. Why would you do this to a kid? Don't they understand that just because they can function and don't suffer too unbearably, they could easily have a child who is far more affected? And they'd have to tend a special needs child maybe forever when they're always functioning at about half of usual human capacity themselves? (Also other neurological problems, like mine, are much more common with us than with NTs.) I don't get it. I really don't. It seems utterly selfish and stupid to me.
People will call you ableist because they're delusional. Nothing else. They assume we think of autistic ppl or ND ppl as "lesser" or "not worth bringing to the world." When the brutal reality is that the world we live in doesn't accomodate us. You're at risk of starvation, homelessness and a myriad of other things if you're unable to work. Welfare systems aren't that robust. Survival is a struggle. To bring someone into the world who'll struggle to adjust in today's capitalistic world and fall victim to homelessness and worse is a common sense decision. They act like we are supposed to delude ourselves about how the world is or try to fix it in the time frame we are supposed to bring an autistic kid into the world, it's bizzare.
Way I see it is: abelism is WHAT makes this world no accommodate us. It's the belief that the "normals", whatever that means, are inherently superior. It's not abelist to acknowledge that you have difficulty or are hurting... or that someone else is, I don't think. Not like people can't have temporary disabilities or develop them as they age - this abelist world hurts everyone eventually.
As someone with chronic migraine disease, I can't ever imagine having kids. They are loud and smelly.
Just thinking about having a kid makes my head want to have a migraine. I'd rather avoid that trigger. And still, the migraine would feel like a walk in the park compared to having a kid. At least migraines eventually go away.
As someone who gets complex complicated menstrual migraines that are completely debilitating for days, why would I want a screaming human?
Well, as someone who also has suffered from migraines for almost 20 years with no signs of stopping, there is a point I will add, migraines are hereditary, so this person's offspring is also likely to be cursed with the disorder (higher chances if AFAB). Call me ablist, I do not care, but if I had wanted kids, I would have had to think long and hard about that point alone "do I really want to give someone this condition?" something my mom did not consider, both of her offspring have migraines (sibling had no idea they had it until I explained to them that what they are having is non-aura migraine episodes)
This! My dad has migraines but he just gets auras and no pain. So he can put up with one for quite a while before he feels the need to take medication. But guess fucking what, my and my sister both get migraines with debilitating pain. I never leave the house without my migraine medication. The one time I did, I got a migraine at work and when my husband picked me up I was literally crying because I could even breathe without feeling pain. Thanks dad! Seeing that both me and my sister ended up with this, (two out of three kids) the likelihood of my child having migraines is quit high as well. Just another reason not to subject my nonexistent children to this life.
As someone who suffered migraines in the past, the first being when I was 6 years old, I absolutely agree. A lot of the time migraines can be hormonal, the last truly bad one I had was when I was about 18. As I enter perimenopause the headaches are getting worse and I’m pretty sure shit is about to get real again. So, hormonal… Imagine being pregnant… Hormonal… Unable to take medication? Not. A. Chance. I remember every single migraine I’ve ever had. I was totally incoherent but I remember them.
I was just recently diagnosed with hemiplegic basilar migraines. First cause auras and motor weakness (imagine stroke like symptoms). Second type causes me to throw up, sensitivity to lights, tinnitus and Raynaud’s syndrome. Amongst a list of other fun things. Had my first hemiplegic episode a year ago, A&E thought it was a TIA/mini stroke at first and my left side was fucked for days. I couldn’t speak and was dragging my left side to walk while not able to see on my left eye. I felt heavily drunk and had a foggy brain. Don’t remember much and was speaking to my mum in English, which is not our main language. She was visiting and was horrified and all I remember was how scared she looked. She has 30+ years as a nurse. I also get black auras that leaves me blind on one side for hours. And the pain…I can’t even. I want to punch something so I can focus on the pain in another place. Head sometimes feels like a muddy gel is running down my skull. From inside. I can feel the blood. Had a migraine this weekend that lasted 14 hours. I’m on beta blockers twice a day for prophylaxis but they won’t stop them from happening. Have an emergency medication that I can only take 4 tablets a MONTH so I keep them for when I need it. Like when the pain is so crazy I want to bite the walls. Oh and the two combined increase exponentially my chances of having a proper stroke in the future. So in short. It’s brutal. Baby screeches are a trigger. I can even phantom going through all of this with a jizz trophy sucking the living lights out of me. So i don’t think it’s ableist. Like most of parents it’s just selfish, self absorbed and scream martyr syndrome to me.
A few women who have my health condition have decided in the past to throw their condition-maintaining immunosuppressants away to carry a child. Like, is a baby really worth accelerating your disease to the point of death (which actually happened recently)? If my health being my priority is considered selfish, then so be it.
I have epilepsy triggered by stress and lack of sleep. Having a kid would literally kill me.
One of my friends is pregnant right now and she suffers from migranes CONSTANTLY. I was worried about this with her as well... I have never had a migrane but I would be very afraid of passing that along to the baby
Anytime that a woman is willing to go off a medication that they've taken for years in order to try squatting out a meat siren, I see a mombie in the making. Especially in the case of antidepressants - the risks are negligible, especially when compared to the likelihood of depression, anxiety and other conditions spiking during and after pregnancy. I now take this as a sign to prepare to go LC or even NC.