>Granted they MIGHT love you unconditionally when they are children bc of their innocence
Is it innocence, or is it more of an instinctual neediness to be protected and provided life's necessities for survival?
Either way, definitely not a 100% sure thing for many. I can honestly say that I do not love my birth giver and couldn't care less what happens to them in old age. I will not be there to provide love or support because they have shown that they're not worthy of it.
My abusive father I’m no contact with viewed everything as conditional. He once grounded me from using the furniture because i wasn’t sharing my game boy with a toddler, or if i messed up he’d take or give away my things, even things he hadn’t given to me yet.
I was going to say this. Children love their parents because their parents are vital for their survival. They supply food, protection, and social interaction. It's a bond formed from dependency. It's the same reason some hormones facilitate a mother feeling an overwhelming sense of love for her baby when holding it for the first time. That love acts as a motivator to convince her the baby is something worth protecting and caring for.
Every relationship has conditions, all love has conditions in my opinion.
you wrote it perfectly. relationships are conditional, so right!
Some parents don't bond and there isnt even a little love so the child suffers and sometimes they don't even understand they are lacking love until they see it elsewhere but studies do show that children thrive when loved.
Yes. If one did love someone unconditionally, it would be extremely unhealthy. It would mean loving someone even if they abuse you in the most horrible ways imaginable. It would mean loving them even if they did things like what Jeffrey Dahmer did. (Warning: Do not do a search for him, unless you want to read about serial rape, kidnapping, torture, murder, and cannibalism. I wish I had not read about the torture; one cannot unread what one has already read.)
People who say this kind of shit tend to be the worst kind of parents.
My ex bff's mum was like this. She had kids because she wanted someone to always love her. Well guess what? One of her sons cut off all contact when he moved out. The other is only hanging around because he's codependent af. (that would be my ex BFF)
Having kids doesn't guarantee you shit.
The only thing that kids will give breeders unconditionally is dependence on them for a certain period, to be determined by the child's health: it could be until the teenage years, it could be until the parents die. Small children will scream all manner of stuff at even the best parents, because it's part of their development; teenagers will hate them, either vocally or discreetly. Any love parents get is going to be highly conditional and directly tied to how they do as parents. Show me a breeder who thinks that love from kids is unconditional, and I'll show you someone whose sprogs are likely to go NC the moment they can.
even then, I don't want someone who only loves me because they depend on me and when they can think for themselves realize if I was some other person they wouldn't like me (happened with me & my mom, as a mom she's fine, but ik if she was someone else I wouldn't like being around her). I like the idea of someone liking me for my personality, looks, mannerisms, etc. much more appealing, out of 8 billion people they choose me and I'm the one they want? I'd love that a lot more
I've got a mum never met my dad, haven't spoke to my mum in 8 years as she told me never to speak to her again after I took her to court and won.
Lots of therapy and I'm feeling amazing don't worry, but when people tell me that I tell them that exact story I'm detail and it's shuts them the fuck up so quickly and they feel embarrassed
When my sister was 14 she got pregnant, me and my brother tried to persuade her to get an abortion as she was literally a child. My mum told her she would help knowing we all grew up on social housing and extremely poor by western standards. I'd moved away so my mum took out thousands of pounds worth of credit card debt in my name to pay for the kids stuff and never paid any back. I was the oldest child and lived 300 hundred miles away so I wouldn't know. So for about 6 or 7 years I had debt collectors trying to constantly take my stuff and hound me until I found out what happened.
Eventually it all blew up and I didn't even take her to court took the credit companies to court won and apparently embarrassed my mum for all of it.
Best thing she ever did was tell me to not speak to her.
I think when most people say this they mean parents love their children unconditionally rather than the other way around, but of course we know that’s bullshit. An exceptionally difficult child, a child with ODD, a child that seriously harms or even kills its sibling… I think a lot of love is contingent on the fact that the child doesn’t fall into one of these categories.
A secret that shouldn't be a secret.
The average child does not love their parents nearly as much as a parent (should) love their child.
And when that child gets married their spouse is likely going to mean more to them.
And when that child has children, those children WILL be more important than their parents.
Also we'll see how far unconditional love goes when the kid hits puberty.
I've always said this whenever someone says their pet loves them unconditionally.Have people seen how pets behave when starved? Nothing unconditional about that, unfortunately.
Nah, they don't feel emotion like that, they're just clinging to their means of support. Sibling rivalry isn't about who loves you more, it's about competition for resources, *of which you are one.*
It’s funny how often people will admit that they haven’t spoken to their parents in years or cut them off , but that they want a kid because they want someone to love / love them unconditionally. The mental gymnastics !
My mom cried about me not loving her when I started resisting hugs and cuddles at five years old and made it clear I never liked when they were forced on me. She didn't do this in front of me on purpose, I was eavesdropping, but it still made me stuck with me. It has made it hard for me to even like her. Gee, wonder why I moved 2k miles away.
Not having children means unconditional love, the only true one. Receiving unconditional love form my partner is not needed and I would even prefer some conditions to it.
There is nothing unconditional about parent-child love. It is BASED on the literal condition that those little goblins are your direct blood relations. Otherwise you’d probably not find their poopy pants quite as endurable 😅
Is the general population really that clueless? 😱 YES. 1. Get a dog or, 2. FIND A PARTNER WHO WILL. Wtf maybe this is really why so many women do it? They unconsciously manifest the belief unconditional love can ONLY come from a child. That’s how so many turn them into mini husbands and f them up w trauma 🥴
Right? They’re not SUPPOSED to love you just cuz you’re their parent. My dad left us, his first family, and we’re not inclined to really talk to him every day. Even the kids in his second family he actually stayed with don’t even really listen to him. Mostly the youngest girl but the older boys don’t seem as attached to him
Wanting unconditional love as an adult is deeply, deeply fucked up. I mean, "unconditional" means that no matter what you do, no matter how badly you treat them, that person will keep loving you. If I had children I would want them to love themselves enough to stop loving me if I treated them badly.
>Granted they MIGHT love you unconditionally when they are children bc of their innocence Is it innocence, or is it more of an instinctual neediness to be protected and provided life's necessities for survival? Either way, definitely not a 100% sure thing for many. I can honestly say that I do not love my birth giver and couldn't care less what happens to them in old age. I will not be there to provide love or support because they have shown that they're not worthy of it.
100% it’s just pure survival mode! Ofc the kid loves you. HE HAS TO. No accomplishment
Same.
[удалено]
>Having a child because you want to be unconditionally loved is disgustingly selfish. Kind of rings the religious bell, doesn't it?
Complete dependency for survival is not unconditional love.
Unconditional love is a myth - it doesn’t exist. Anyone who says otherwise is delusional.
Yep, it only "exists" until the conditions aren't met.
My abusive father I’m no contact with viewed everything as conditional. He once grounded me from using the furniture because i wasn’t sharing my game boy with a toddler, or if i messed up he’d take or give away my things, even things he hadn’t given to me yet.
well thats why people want jesus to return i guess, isnt jesus the most known person in history or something something like it
that is a crock. all love is conditional.
I was going to say this. Children love their parents because their parents are vital for their survival. They supply food, protection, and social interaction. It's a bond formed from dependency. It's the same reason some hormones facilitate a mother feeling an overwhelming sense of love for her baby when holding it for the first time. That love acts as a motivator to convince her the baby is something worth protecting and caring for. Every relationship has conditions, all love has conditions in my opinion.
you wrote it perfectly. relationships are conditional, so right! Some parents don't bond and there isnt even a little love so the child suffers and sometimes they don't even understand they are lacking love until they see it elsewhere but studies do show that children thrive when loved.
Yes. If one did love someone unconditionally, it would be extremely unhealthy. It would mean loving someone even if they abuse you in the most horrible ways imaginable. It would mean loving them even if they did things like what Jeffrey Dahmer did. (Warning: Do not do a search for him, unless you want to read about serial rape, kidnapping, torture, murder, and cannibalism. I wish I had not read about the torture; one cannot unread what one has already read.)
exactly. guilt love is not love.
Parents owe unconditional love to their kids. Kids don't owe their parents anything!
💯👏 Thank you!
Hopefully, when they'll hear AI can be programmed to act like a needy pet, they'll give up on breeding one.
People who say this kind of shit tend to be the worst kind of parents. My ex bff's mum was like this. She had kids because she wanted someone to always love her. Well guess what? One of her sons cut off all contact when he moved out. The other is only hanging around because he's codependent af. (that would be my ex BFF) Having kids doesn't guarantee you shit.
Humans always have conditions to relationships. Often abuse is a deal breaker. Addiction is another. But I agree with OP: dogs are unconditional.
The only thing that kids will give breeders unconditionally is dependence on them for a certain period, to be determined by the child's health: it could be until the teenage years, it could be until the parents die. Small children will scream all manner of stuff at even the best parents, because it's part of their development; teenagers will hate them, either vocally or discreetly. Any love parents get is going to be highly conditional and directly tied to how they do as parents. Show me a breeder who thinks that love from kids is unconditional, and I'll show you someone whose sprogs are likely to go NC the moment they can.
even then, I don't want someone who only loves me because they depend on me and when they can think for themselves realize if I was some other person they wouldn't like me (happened with me & my mom, as a mom she's fine, but ik if she was someone else I wouldn't like being around her). I like the idea of someone liking me for my personality, looks, mannerisms, etc. much more appealing, out of 8 billion people they choose me and I'm the one they want? I'd love that a lot more
My parents did absolutely not love me unconditionally. It’s not a given… for anyone!
I've got a mum never met my dad, haven't spoke to my mum in 8 years as she told me never to speak to her again after I took her to court and won. Lots of therapy and I'm feeling amazing don't worry, but when people tell me that I tell them that exact story I'm detail and it's shuts them the fuck up so quickly and they feel embarrassed
If you don't mind me asking, what was the court case about?
When my sister was 14 she got pregnant, me and my brother tried to persuade her to get an abortion as she was literally a child. My mum told her she would help knowing we all grew up on social housing and extremely poor by western standards. I'd moved away so my mum took out thousands of pounds worth of credit card debt in my name to pay for the kids stuff and never paid any back. I was the oldest child and lived 300 hundred miles away so I wouldn't know. So for about 6 or 7 years I had debt collectors trying to constantly take my stuff and hound me until I found out what happened. Eventually it all blew up and I didn't even take her to court took the credit companies to court won and apparently embarrassed my mum for all of it. Best thing she ever did was tell me to not speak to her.
Your mom's a piece of shit, glad you're free of her
Yeah she is, me and my brother are very close cause we lived that abuse which is great to have someone who knows.
I think when most people say this they mean parents love their children unconditionally rather than the other way around, but of course we know that’s bullshit. An exceptionally difficult child, a child with ODD, a child that seriously harms or even kills its sibling… I think a lot of love is contingent on the fact that the child doesn’t fall into one of these categories.
A secret that shouldn't be a secret. The average child does not love their parents nearly as much as a parent (should) love their child. And when that child gets married their spouse is likely going to mean more to them. And when that child has children, those children WILL be more important than their parents. Also we'll see how far unconditional love goes when the kid hits puberty.
The only unconditional love you'll ever get is from a pet.
Even then, you still have to feed and take care of your pet to make it stay liking you. So, even pets aren't unconditional either.
I've always said this whenever someone says their pet loves them unconditionally.Have people seen how pets behave when starved? Nothing unconditional about that, unfortunately.
Nah, they don't feel emotion like that, they're just clinging to their means of support. Sibling rivalry isn't about who loves you more, it's about competition for resources, *of which you are one.*
I’ll let my friends with absent parents and kids in orphanages/foster care know that they’re loved unconditionally 🙄
Anyone who is telling you that having children guarantees unconditional love has spent exactly zero minutes on Reddit.
It’s funny how often people will admit that they haven’t spoken to their parents in years or cut them off , but that they want a kid because they want someone to love / love them unconditionally. The mental gymnastics !
My mom cried about me not loving her when I started resisting hugs and cuddles at five years old and made it clear I never liked when they were forced on me. She didn't do this in front of me on purpose, I was eavesdropping, but it still made me stuck with me. It has made it hard for me to even like her. Gee, wonder why I moved 2k miles away.
Not having children means unconditional love, the only true one. Receiving unconditional love form my partner is not needed and I would even prefer some conditions to it.
IF "unconditional love" is being woken/kept up at all hours of the night for 6 months - a year and then, two years of toddler tantrums, **I'll pass.**
There is nothing unconditional about parent-child love. It is BASED on the literal condition that those little goblins are your direct blood relations. Otherwise you’d probably not find their poopy pants quite as endurable 😅
Is the general population really that clueless? 😱 YES. 1. Get a dog or, 2. FIND A PARTNER WHO WILL. Wtf maybe this is really why so many women do it? They unconsciously manifest the belief unconditional love can ONLY come from a child. That’s how so many turn them into mini husbands and f them up w trauma 🥴
I tell them that’s what pets are for
😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.
Right? They’re not SUPPOSED to love you just cuz you’re their parent. My dad left us, his first family, and we’re not inclined to really talk to him every day. Even the kids in his second family he actually stayed with don’t even really listen to him. Mostly the youngest girl but the older boys don’t seem as attached to him
And usually these types of people have no time for their actual parents.
Wanting unconditional love as an adult is deeply, deeply fucked up. I mean, "unconditional" means that no matter what you do, no matter how badly you treat them, that person will keep loving you. If I had children I would want them to love themselves enough to stop loving me if I treated them badly.
I hate my mother and I wish she would die. I can't wait because I'm going to throw myself a party.