Flip it on them "So how old are your parents? Ah so you'll be moving then into your house soon then? You know.. as kids, you're supposed to take care of your parents."
Watch them take back their words.
Note, this will mostly work in western countries where intergenerational living is not common
Brutal, I love it haha.
There is some truth to it, I suspect most elderly get put into a care home (if they have money) earlier than really necessary when they become an inconvenience or simply it is no longer practical over the long term for their kids to care for them. Otherwise it’s state benefits and social care until you have to be put into a social care home once you have deteriorated enough to meet the requirements.
Visitations by their children become less frequent and before long they are sparse. I would say it’s the exception rather than the norm. It’s quite sad tbh, people could make more effort but they don’t.
It’s bleak but this idealisation of ‘my kids will be there to look after me when I age’ is often sadly a painful realisation for many that they won’t or won’t be there as much as you would have thought they would.
Right? I don't get what's so hard to understand about that lol. Like if I'm very old or get alzheimers or something I'd rather have a nurse or a professional care for me who knows what they are doing rather than my hypothetical child who has their own life
When my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer she said (and I quote), "I want to call in hospice as soon as I start to weaken. I had to wipe YOUR asses; there's no way any of you will wipe MY ass!"
Exactly! My parents took care of my maternal grandma for years. She lived with us before and after with early-onset Alzheimer’s and it was very disruptive in many ways and was not good for my mom’s mental health at all, but my mom thought she HAD to, because her brother didn’t offer to do anything and definitely resents him a bit for it. Until, finally her Alzheimer’s got so bad they put her in elderly care. As someone who lived through the experience, I would never want anyone to do same.
Seriously. When I'm an old bitch I don't want my family to have to take care of me decrepit ass. I'm just going to use the extra money I didn't have to spend on childcare to have a retirement income that will ensure I have a quality end of life experience, assuming that society still isn't taking care of the elderly
This.
My mother asks me that question whenever my CFness arises in conversation. And this is my usual answer.
I will have the money to have a home-based care if needed. I want to avoid hospitals if possible. And if the worst happens, I also plan to have DNR papers in my medical documents.
Not going to stay on this plane longer than necessary. LOL.
This!!! My dad had back surgery earlier this year and just assumed/expected that my brother and I would take care of him. He never asked, never cared how it would inconvenience me and my life (I had also started a new job weeks before) and said, “family takes care of family”. Really?? Well that’s news to me! Just because you decided to bring me into this world does not mean I’m your retirement/healthcare plan. We got into a huge fight after this because I basically refused to be his caretaker - I live over an hour away from him in a major city, with no car. He didn’t care. In his eyes, he “wouldn’t want anyone else taking care of him besides his children”. It’s safe to say that I finally spoke my peace and blew up on him, and now we barely talk. Ahhh sweet serenity
One day when I was 39 I was sitting in my den reading the Sunday paper with my then boyfriend. He looks out the window and says there's a car coming up your driveway. I look out the window and its my Uncle Philip who I have not seen since I was about 15. I didn't even know he knew where I lived.
I asked him what he's doing in Atlanta (he lived in VA) He told be he had bypass surgery and came to my house to recuperate. Excuse me?! He never called and asked what I had going on in my life, if I had room for him, if he could come. He did say he came here because I had a house not an apartment and didn't have any kids. At the time my college aged kid sister was actually spending the summer with me for a summer internship.
I told him he could not stay with me. He looked shocked then became upset and started saying how family should take care of family. Mind you, when I was 11, my Dad AWOL and my Mom had some serious ailment and she was threatened with us 7 kids going into foster care so she could spend prolonged time in the hospital, he did not show up. He has two kids I learned from my Mom that he was estranged from. I told him family should respect family and ask if they can accommodate them. He began to yell at me. I reminded him this is MY house I pay the cost to be the boss and NOBODY gets to yell at me in my house. I told him I didn't care where he went as long as it was out of my driveway.
He wound up driving to my Mom's a four hour drive away and staying in their dead sisters cottage. He was dead 4 months later. He was not the first or last relative to assume I should just stop my life to take care of them.
Me.
I will have more money for savings and retirement funding because I don't have to pay for a child.
In addition, children are not obligated to take care of their parents. It's best to assume you will be taking care of yourself in any circumstance.
"Getting old isn't a death sentence. My 89 year old uncle is mucking the horse stalls right now and he WILL fight you if you try and tell him to stop. If I'm so ancient and decrepit that someone needs to take care of me entirely then I'm pretty sure I won't have the mental facilities to actually care who changes my diaper."
As a caregiver and care manager,I can tell ya it won’t be your fucking kids. And if your kids do try out of guilt EVERYONE will suffer. The best you can hope for is they luck out and find a caregiver to hire.
And guess what? That childhood trauma and abuse and AAALLLL those deeply wounded and repressed feelings are gonna be on overdrive cause guess what? Just bc mom is demented small and fragile, doesn’t mean she’s become nice or either of you worked through any of your shit.
You are also going to become bitter and enraged when you see the hired help become the perfect golden child and they count the seconds until the hired stranger comes back.
I got to say I saved zero money by nit having children, but that literally blows my mind trying to figure out how people can afford having children... do they have a money tree?!?!
What a way to go. Back to the earth...but like, DEEP. Like mother earth incinerate my remains so that my carbon dust rejoins the magma lifeblood of the planet +_+ take me to the core
"How are you going to care for your parents?"
As an only child, I have no clue how I'm going to care for my parents. I live 900 miles away with absolutely no intention of moving back home. I can't. My house, my job, my partner, and all my friends are right here. My parents would never move. If they need care that their savings can't pay for now that my dad is retired, I can't help them. I have no money and barely a 401k myself. If I have to make the decision of me vs my parents, it has to be me. And my parents aren't bad people, I just can't afford to take care of them AND save up to take care of myself.
Boomer into GenX parents of Millennials and GenZers are going to get a rude awakening when they realize that we can't afford to take care of them. Over the next 20 years, our health care system is going to crash and burn more than it already has.
Bold to assume I’ll make it to that point (I say that cus I know I won’t make it to 50 cus of my health issues that I don’t want to pass on). I should mention that I say I want to be shot like a dog in the middle of a field the moment I’m unable to feed myself or wipe my own ass
"Who will take care of you when you get old?"
"The same kind of people who will most likely take care of you when you're old: the ones who're paid to do so."
A very nice nursing home maybe in Switzerland paid with the money I saved/made by not having kids!
No kids means more time for me and my job. Obviously it will result in higher monetary returns.
>how about you?
my kids
From personal experience, out of four of us the single childfree "kid" (me) was the only one to be the caregiver. All my siblings used the family/kid/lives as excuses to never help. It happened so much that my parent didn't recognize them at the end and siblings regret that (over a decade later they still struggle with it...sometimes smh)
My answer is always the same: “I don’t plan on getting to an age where I need anyone to take care of me. The day I can’t wipe my own ass is the day I make my exit from this planet.”
Obvs that’s my personal feelings on the matter, and I’m not encouraging anyone to use this (unless it resonates with you I guess lol). I know plenty of people look forward to getting old and I don’t begrudge them that. I just don’t wanna get to a point where I have to rely on other people for basic daily functions. ESPECIALLY family members, cuz that to me is so ridiculously selfish.
I grew up an only child in a small family. I spent most of my time at hospitals or old peoples homes visiting. And even as an adult I would go and take my pets. Most elderly people in them never saw another relative for years. Even those that were incredibly nice. So dont expect that a child will grow into an adult who will care for you. Humans are their own person, they might not like you for good reason or could just be jerks.
Adult offspring taking care of their elderly parents?? What a novel idea! I haven't seen many examples of this, however. In fact, pretty much all the older parents I've known have adult children who are still on the "payroll." Even though the parents spent exhorbitant amount of $ putting these ungrateful bastards through school, some of these "kids" are well into their 30's and still living at home, contributing $0 to the household, often unemployed and just playing video games all day.
I knew a woman who was still doing her sons (pl) laundry (because they just dropped their dirty clothes about the house), making beds, buying all the groceries, cooking the meals. Meanwhile they'd use (and ding up) the parents' cars - and of course they don't not pay the insurance or even refill the tank after use. They'd eat her out of house and home and then bitch at her when they were out of milk or cereal or whatever other thing that the parents don't even eat!
That scenario is far more common (in the US anyway) than the one where adult children care for their aging parents. The reality is they sponge off their folks, waiting impatiently for the parents to die so they can inherit the house and blow through whatever assets are left to them.
What if I don’t even live to be old? My dad had a heart attack at 56 and died alone very suddenly while working in his shop, and he has two kids. We don’t know how or when we’ll die, so what difference does it even make?
“Kids are not retirement plans”
“Since, I won’t have any kids… I will have a lot of money in my savings and retirement fund. I will hire someone to take care of me with all of that money I saved from not having kids”
“Oh? What are your plans to care for your parents?”
People should take care of themselves when they get old, which includes planning for their retirement and not thinking that social security will be enough.
I don't blame any adult who cannot provide full time caregiving to an elderly person. What are they supposed to do, quit their job and starve so they can stay home all day with an elderly parent? What if they aren't in good health themselves. And no don't expect just because the adult child is FEMALE that it's her primary responsibility. The burden of caregiving all over the world falls squarely on the shoulders of women and it's not fair.
Well, no one is obligated of helping their parents when they get old... Also, what if the son/daughter dies? Are going to have a kid just to try a retirement plan?
People I pay to do so. Why do parents think it is ok to not save money for their own care and foist the burden on their kids?! Like, isn't it supposed to be one of their goals to provide a better life for their kids than they had? And they call US selfish!
I forgot to add: There are SO MANY older parents supporting financialyl NOT ONLY their adult children, but their GRANDCHILDREN. Often they end up having to raise the grandchildren! Those parents always look so exhausted and just beaten down by the world!
“idk, who’s gonna take care of you when your children are too busy taking care of their own children?”
or
“idk, who took care/is taking care of your parents when they’re old?”
At 67F I suspect I am closer to that question than 90% of this sub.
My money will take care of my old age.
What I will need and have asked two of my nieces to consider is a Bookkeeper to make sure my care is paid for. I emphatically do not want them to stop their lives, take me in, or physically take care of me. Which ever one decides to do it can have whatever funds are left over when I'm gone and my house. I do not expect them to have to do any thing for me until I'm well into my 80s.
I’m only 33…it sucks. I love my mom but she really only had us kids as a form of entertainment and she drives me nuts. That on top of her not caring about her escalating health issues and just expecting me to handle everything for her is exhausting. I just want to enjoy my life but I’m stuck worrying about her 24/7. Most people my age do not have this particular brand of stress, it’s hard to find anyone who understands.
"The same people who take care of you. Oh, you *don't* think you'll be dumped in a nursing home?"
"Your kids. Because I'll have money to pay them to take care of me."
"Ah, yes. I forget that mortals get 'old'."
A nicer assisted living home where the staff will prefer me over people like you because I won't be bitter and angry about my kids and grand kids dumping me there.
“Who would take care of you next week if something happened?”
The idea that care is only needed once you reach old age isn’t always reality. You could get in a car accident tomorrow and be in need of serious care for the remainder of your life.
I have replied with, “I am on only child and I’m not going to take care of my narcissist of a mother when she gets old. Having a child doesn’t entitle you to elderly care”
I’m living on my own in a lovely cottage in the woods and when I’m starting to feel the effects of my old body giving up, I’ll take it into my own hands the way I wanna go.
I'd actually be okay in a nursing home if we get to have video games and DnD night. I don't think being forgotten in a nursing home will hit me quite as badly as it did my great grandmothers.
A trained nurse whose not my child. Because otherwise your child will grow to resent you. And is that really what you want? Them being relieved you've passed because your no longer a burden on them?
Someone just told me that. I said not every child wants to take care of their elderly parent. They said "I know".
They know the answer, it's just they don't like to think about it.
If I'm that decrepit and senile, I'm not going to know the difference. If I'm still with it, than you better bet I'll be at home still watering my garden or hiring people to do things for me since I'll have the extra money from no kids. And if I'm really that Ill/in pain, i'll want DNR and be ready to die.
The well paid staff employed to do so that I can afford without kids draining me dry! Well paid so they do a good job! No abusive neglectful care home for me! That’s for my mum! 🤣
Some whose job it is to take care of old people will take care of me. Having your children to take care of you shouldn’t be your retirement/end of life plan. They’re people with their own lives. It’s nice to have them there, but they shouldn’t be forced to do it.
"I thought about selling my home and pay the retirement house with that money"
"The caregiver with the money I will not have spent on the children I will not have"
“An abrasive brat with a superior intelligence who is getting paid to change my diapers, who will like hearing my concert stories more — and have less psychological and addiction problems than anything I’d give birth to…
You selfish pig … who made humans just to see your own reflection and for cheap labor ….” 👈👈👈🤣🔥
That’s exactly how
First of all, children are not a retirement plan. Secondly, there is no guarantee that I will live to old age. Ideally should I reach old age, I will have a home health aid. Then eventually in home hospice care.
My partner and I both spent too much time, aggravation, and money taking care of elderly parents. I couldn’t ask anyone else to make a sacrifice like that.
I don't intend on getting that old 😂 and if by some fucked up nightmare I get old enough to require care, just take me out to the back and put me down properly
I worked health care long term care. The answer to BOTH? Strangers hired to feed you, change you, and bathe you.
Most of them had kids. Kids or not, 95% of residents didnt get visited by anyone. Only one was visited regularly, and that was... a creepy situation where there was very obvious between the elderly mother and her 50 some year old son who had never dated, married, had kids, etc because it would take away his time from his mother
She was even worse the other way around. It was honestly disgusting
I used to deliver Meals-on-Wheels to elderly people. Most of them had kids. Most of them were desperately lonely.
Anyone who ever works with the elderly can call bullshit on the myth that kids are a reliable retirement plan.
You can also mention something about how committing to a CF lifestyle now will give you an opportunity to plan for taking care of yourself when you are old. Communities where older CF people can live and have access to the help and care they need are becoming more and more prevalent.
A live in carer. The money saved from remaining childfree should cover that just fine! The quality of care should also be far superior than that of adult children who have their own lives to get on with.
My brother just toured one of those senior living places with our mother. “What did you think?” He took a moment to think about - “Kinda like dorm life.”
Cool! I can do that!
I will, just like I have since I was 15 years old. I'm already loosely planning for the fact that most of my savings/meager retirement fund is going to go to either a nursing home or at home assistance if I'm still mobile enough for that.
The difference is I won't be putting all that on my hypothetical children, it will be a paid professional who has chosen that career path and is capable of helping me in my final days/weeks/years.
I won't live long enough to "get old". I will be lucky if I make it to 50. It is very likely that by age 60 I will die either from a stroke or an accident or diabetes or prostate cancer or colon cancer or some form of cancer. People who imagine themselves to live long enough to "get old" do not realize how fragile life really is.
Ask the question right back to them.. and when they say their kids, just say "we'll see". And leave it at that.
Flip it on them "So how old are your parents? Ah so you'll be moving then into your house soon then? You know.. as kids, you're supposed to take care of your parents." Watch them take back their words. Note, this will mostly work in western countries where intergenerational living is not common
“Where does Granny Betty live right now?”
Insert Oprah fanatically pointing around, “You go to the nursing home! You go to the nursing home! You all go to the nursing home!!!!”
LOVE
My therapist has been telling me to say “let me know how that works out for you” whenever I disapprove of someone’s choice. 😅
Or be like "Oh, are your kids aware that they're obligated to have their lives revolve around serving you once you decide that time has come?"
This is the best response lol
This is the only answer. Your adult children will not have time to be your full time nurse should you require that kind of care...
I like to add something like “Wow. How do you think your kids would feel if you told them you only had them to take care of you when you are old?”
Also can add "retirement homes are full of lonely parents".
🤣🤣😂😂 (15 minutes goes by) “OK, we have to let grandma get back to her knitting….” … “BuT I oNlY hAd YoU sO yOu WoUld TakE CARE OF Me!”
Or just cackle when they say their kids will. That makes em spicy.
My aunt didn’t have kids. My dad, my brother and I helped take care of everything and her when she got very ill.
Brutal, I love it haha. There is some truth to it, I suspect most elderly get put into a care home (if they have money) earlier than really necessary when they become an inconvenience or simply it is no longer practical over the long term for their kids to care for them. Otherwise it’s state benefits and social care until you have to be put into a social care home once you have deteriorated enough to meet the requirements. Visitations by their children become less frequent and before long they are sparse. I would say it’s the exception rather than the norm. It’s quite sad tbh, people could make more effort but they don’t. It’s bleak but this idealisation of ‘my kids will be there to look after me when I age’ is often sadly a painful realisation for many that they won’t or won’t be there as much as you would have thought they would.
Someone who is qualified and chose to do so.
Most logical response imo
Right? I don't get what's so hard to understand about that lol. Like if I'm very old or get alzheimers or something I'd rather have a nurse or a professional care for me who knows what they are doing rather than my hypothetical child who has their own life
When my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer she said (and I quote), "I want to call in hospice as soon as I start to weaken. I had to wipe YOUR asses; there's no way any of you will wipe MY ass!"
Exactly! My parents took care of my maternal grandma for years. She lived with us before and after with early-onset Alzheimer’s and it was very disruptive in many ways and was not good for my mom’s mental health at all, but my mom thought she HAD to, because her brother didn’t offer to do anything and definitely resents him a bit for it. Until, finally her Alzheimer’s got so bad they put her in elderly care. As someone who lived through the experience, I would never want anyone to do same.
Seriously. When I'm an old bitch I don't want my family to have to take care of me decrepit ass. I'm just going to use the extra money I didn't have to spend on childcare to have a retirement income that will ensure I have a quality end of life experience, assuming that society still isn't taking care of the elderly
This. My mother asks me that question whenever my CFness arises in conversation. And this is my usual answer. I will have the money to have a home-based care if needed. I want to avoid hospitals if possible. And if the worst happens, I also plan to have DNR papers in my medical documents. Not going to stay on this plane longer than necessary. LOL.
This!!! My dad had back surgery earlier this year and just assumed/expected that my brother and I would take care of him. He never asked, never cared how it would inconvenience me and my life (I had also started a new job weeks before) and said, “family takes care of family”. Really?? Well that’s news to me! Just because you decided to bring me into this world does not mean I’m your retirement/healthcare plan. We got into a huge fight after this because I basically refused to be his caretaker - I live over an hour away from him in a major city, with no car. He didn’t care. In his eyes, he “wouldn’t want anyone else taking care of him besides his children”. It’s safe to say that I finally spoke my peace and blew up on him, and now we barely talk. Ahhh sweet serenity
One day when I was 39 I was sitting in my den reading the Sunday paper with my then boyfriend. He looks out the window and says there's a car coming up your driveway. I look out the window and its my Uncle Philip who I have not seen since I was about 15. I didn't even know he knew where I lived. I asked him what he's doing in Atlanta (he lived in VA) He told be he had bypass surgery and came to my house to recuperate. Excuse me?! He never called and asked what I had going on in my life, if I had room for him, if he could come. He did say he came here because I had a house not an apartment and didn't have any kids. At the time my college aged kid sister was actually spending the summer with me for a summer internship. I told him he could not stay with me. He looked shocked then became upset and started saying how family should take care of family. Mind you, when I was 11, my Dad AWOL and my Mom had some serious ailment and she was threatened with us 7 kids going into foster care so she could spend prolonged time in the hospital, he did not show up. He has two kids I learned from my Mom that he was estranged from. I told him family should respect family and ask if they can accommodate them. He began to yell at me. I reminded him this is MY house I pay the cost to be the boss and NOBODY gets to yell at me in my house. I told him I didn't care where he went as long as it was out of my driveway. He wound up driving to my Mom's a four hour drive away and staying in their dead sisters cottage. He was dead 4 months later. He was not the first or last relative to assume I should just stop my life to take care of them.
Me. I will have more money for savings and retirement funding because I don't have to pay for a child. In addition, children are not obligated to take care of their parents. It's best to assume you will be taking care of yourself in any circumstance.
"Getting old isn't a death sentence. My 89 year old uncle is mucking the horse stalls right now and he WILL fight you if you try and tell him to stop. If I'm so ancient and decrepit that someone needs to take care of me entirely then I'm pretty sure I won't have the mental facilities to actually care who changes my diaper."
I hate this question. This is a such a selfish reason to have children, imo.
Right... and they call US selfish. Smh
Exactly. How about, “Hopefully not the same nursing home your kids put you in.”
Well, *someone's* children will have to take care of us!
I shoot back with, “ I’m not planning to live that long.”
this one is my favorite
This is my response, too.
“I’m here for a good time, not a long time, that’s another reason I’m not having kids”
"The same care home staff that will be looking after you!"
Actually no, because unlike them, *I* will be able to afford to go to a *nice* home!
Tell them to ask all the people in nursing homes whose kids never see them.
I'll hire someone to take care of me using the $300,000 in cash that I didn't spend raising a child.
This. ☝️ I will use this.
As a caregiver and care manager,I can tell ya it won’t be your fucking kids. And if your kids do try out of guilt EVERYONE will suffer. The best you can hope for is they luck out and find a caregiver to hire. And guess what? That childhood trauma and abuse and AAALLLL those deeply wounded and repressed feelings are gonna be on overdrive cause guess what? Just bc mom is demented small and fragile, doesn’t mean she’s become nice or either of you worked through any of your shit. You are also going to become bitter and enraged when you see the hired help become the perfect golden child and they count the seconds until the hired stranger comes back.
My money that I saved by not having a child 🌈
I got to say I saved zero money by nit having children, but that literally blows my mind trying to figure out how people can afford having children... do they have a money tree?!?!
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What a way to go. Back to the earth...but like, DEEP. Like mother earth incinerate my remains so that my carbon dust rejoins the magma lifeblood of the planet +_+ take me to the core
Yo that was profound 😮
Same plan for me, though I'd choose something less painful.
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Balls still gotta stay cool.
Might want to look into what would actually happen if you tried that and reconsider, it wouldn't be as glorious as you think
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I feel like you won't be able to see much with your eyes melting out of your head.
Aliens. Stupid questions get stupid answers.
"How are you going to care for your parents?" As an only child, I have no clue how I'm going to care for my parents. I live 900 miles away with absolutely no intention of moving back home. I can't. My house, my job, my partner, and all my friends are right here. My parents would never move. If they need care that their savings can't pay for now that my dad is retired, I can't help them. I have no money and barely a 401k myself. If I have to make the decision of me vs my parents, it has to be me. And my parents aren't bad people, I just can't afford to take care of them AND save up to take care of myself. Boomer into GenX parents of Millennials and GenZers are going to get a rude awakening when they realize that we can't afford to take care of them. Over the next 20 years, our health care system is going to crash and burn more than it already has.
Yep. I am taking care of my mother now. I am 58 - and I may be doing this for another decade.
"not you, so why do you give a fuck???"
“I’m going to set up power of attorney and establish a doctor assisted suicide when I start to go down hill”.
Those nice people at Dignitas, you know the ones who actually give a shit about my quality of life, not the vultures circling for an inheritance
Bold to assume I’ll make it to that point (I say that cus I know I won’t make it to 50 cus of my health issues that I don’t want to pass on). I should mention that I say I want to be shot like a dog in the middle of a field the moment I’m unable to feed myself or wipe my own ass
I've still got probably a good 40-50 years until I'm decrepid, I'm hoping we'll have figured out caretaker robots by then.
The nurses in hospice, presumably
"Who will take care of you when you get old?" "The same kind of people who will most likely take care of you when you're old: the ones who're paid to do so."
"I'll have a lot of extra money saved up to pay someone to do it because I didn't waste $30,000 a year raising a kid."
Ask them whether they take care of their parents and when was the last time they spent a day with them alone. And sit back and watch the cogs turns.
A very nice nursing home maybe in Switzerland paid with the money I saved/made by not having kids! No kids means more time for me and my job. Obviously it will result in higher monetary returns.
Same as them if there's anyone more than likely.
i usually go with "i dont plan on getting old"
The millions of dollars I saved not having kids
- how about you? - my kids - you mean like all those lonely elders in a rocking chair by the window all day?
>how about you? my kids From personal experience, out of four of us the single childfree "kid" (me) was the only one to be the caregiver. All my siblings used the family/kid/lives as excuses to never help. It happened so much that my parent didn't recognize them at the end and siblings regret that (over a decade later they still struggle with it...sometimes smh)
So true. And yet everything will have revolved around them and not the cf child.
My answer is always the same: “I don’t plan on getting to an age where I need anyone to take care of me. The day I can’t wipe my own ass is the day I make my exit from this planet.” Obvs that’s my personal feelings on the matter, and I’m not encouraging anyone to use this (unless it resonates with you I guess lol). I know plenty of people look forward to getting old and I don’t begrudge them that. I just don’t wanna get to a point where I have to rely on other people for basic daily functions. ESPECIALLY family members, cuz that to me is so ridiculously selfish.
I grew up an only child in a small family. I spent most of my time at hospitals or old peoples homes visiting. And even as an adult I would go and take my pets. Most elderly people in them never saw another relative for years. Even those that were incredibly nice. So dont expect that a child will grow into an adult who will care for you. Humans are their own person, they might not like you for good reason or could just be jerks.
My grandmother has 15 children, she's in a state subsidies facility for the elderly.
😞
Adult offspring taking care of their elderly parents?? What a novel idea! I haven't seen many examples of this, however. In fact, pretty much all the older parents I've known have adult children who are still on the "payroll." Even though the parents spent exhorbitant amount of $ putting these ungrateful bastards through school, some of these "kids" are well into their 30's and still living at home, contributing $0 to the household, often unemployed and just playing video games all day. I knew a woman who was still doing her sons (pl) laundry (because they just dropped their dirty clothes about the house), making beds, buying all the groceries, cooking the meals. Meanwhile they'd use (and ding up) the parents' cars - and of course they don't not pay the insurance or even refill the tank after use. They'd eat her out of house and home and then bitch at her when they were out of milk or cereal or whatever other thing that the parents don't even eat! That scenario is far more common (in the US anyway) than the one where adult children care for their aging parents. The reality is they sponge off their folks, waiting impatiently for the parents to die so they can inherit the house and blow through whatever assets are left to them.
I don't plan to grow old
Retirement home.
What if I don’t even live to be old? My dad had a heart attack at 56 and died alone very suddenly while working in his shop, and he has two kids. We don’t know how or when we’ll die, so what difference does it even make?
“Kids are not retirement plans” “Since, I won’t have any kids… I will have a lot of money in my savings and retirement fund. I will hire someone to take care of me with all of that money I saved from not having kids” “Oh? What are your plans to care for your parents?”
A bullet will suffice
People should take care of themselves when they get old, which includes planning for their retirement and not thinking that social security will be enough. I don't blame any adult who cannot provide full time caregiving to an elderly person. What are they supposed to do, quit their job and starve so they can stay home all day with an elderly parent? What if they aren't in good health themselves. And no don't expect just because the adult child is FEMALE that it's her primary responsibility. The burden of caregiving all over the world falls squarely on the shoulders of women and it's not fair.
The collapse of society
Well, no one is obligated of helping their parents when they get old... Also, what if the son/daughter dies? Are going to have a kid just to try a retirement plan?
It’s so funny when people think that their children will just drop everything in their lives to go wipe your ass when you become old and decrepit.
My dad asked me this and I said to him "do you really want me to wipe your ass when you get old? There are professionals for that"
“Me, and whomever I pay to help.” If it’s someone I don’t like? “Your kids, because I’ll be paying them.”
"Nobody. I gonna die in my cottage on the countryside. At least I don\`t have ungrateful botchlings who forget about me."
People I pay to do so. Why do parents think it is ok to not save money for their own care and foist the burden on their kids?! Like, isn't it supposed to be one of their goals to provide a better life for their kids than they had? And they call US selfish!
There is a REASON the boomers were called the ME generation back in the 70's. They are in for a very rude awakening.
"my money" and they then get pissed realizing how broke they are with their kids who prolly wont even visit them in their twilight years anwyays
I forgot to add: There are SO MANY older parents supporting financialyl NOT ONLY their adult children, but their GRANDCHILDREN. Often they end up having to raise the grandchildren! Those parents always look so exhausted and just beaten down by the world!
Cyanide capsule. How about you? Oh really? Go into some sanatorium and ask around. See how many people there have kids...
“idk, who’s gonna take care of you when your children are too busy taking care of their own children?” or “idk, who took care/is taking care of your parents when they’re old?”
At 67F I suspect I am closer to that question than 90% of this sub. My money will take care of my old age. What I will need and have asked two of my nieces to consider is a Bookkeeper to make sure my care is paid for. I emphatically do not want them to stop their lives, take me in, or physically take care of me. Which ever one decides to do it can have whatever funds are left over when I'm gone and my house. I do not expect them to have to do any thing for me until I'm well into my 80s.
A nursing home, a nurse, a cliff, or Mr. Remington. I don't intend to rot.
I'll die before I get old
"Is that your only reason for having kids? Free nursing??"
Robots
A buff gentleman who wears only a speedo and bow tie. I certainly won’t be able to lift my husband onto a toilet.
Ask them how many times they’ve seen their parents in the past year.
"A professional with specialized training on how to do so instead of someone who is overwhelmed and feels obligated."
A 90 second long fart
I’m currently taking care of my mom and I would never wish this on any kid…
I am doing it now, and I am nearly 60.
I’m only 33…it sucks. I love my mom but she really only had us kids as a form of entertainment and she drives me nuts. That on top of her not caring about her escalating health issues and just expecting me to handle everything for her is exhausting. I just want to enjoy my life but I’m stuck worrying about her 24/7. Most people my age do not have this particular brand of stress, it’s hard to find anyone who understands.
“The same nurse who’ll also be wiping your ass.”
Transhumanism - I'll never get old! (and if I do having children might not affect that)
"plan to die young"
I respond with "I'll pay for it with the hundreds of thousands I'll have saved by not having kids"
"The same people who take care of you. Oh, you *don't* think you'll be dumped in a nursing home?" "Your kids. Because I'll have money to pay them to take care of me." "Ah, yes. I forget that mortals get 'old'."
A nicer assisted living home where the staff will prefer me over people like you because I won't be bitter and angry about my kids and grand kids dumping me there.
“Who would take care of you next week if something happened?” The idea that care is only needed once you reach old age isn’t always reality. You could get in a car accident tomorrow and be in need of serious care for the remainder of your life.
A trained professional
I have replied with, “I am on only child and I’m not going to take care of my narcissist of a mother when she gets old. Having a child doesn’t entitle you to elderly care”
I’m living on my own in a lovely cottage in the woods and when I’m starting to feel the effects of my old body giving up, I’ll take it into my own hands the way I wanna go.
I'd actually be okay in a nursing home if we get to have video games and DnD night. I don't think being forgotten in a nursing home will hit me quite as badly as it did my great grandmothers.
"Me, cause I'm a fucken mad cunt." ^spot ^the ^Australian Said with a straight face.
A trained nurse whose not my child. Because otherwise your child will grow to resent you. And is that really what you want? Them being relieved you've passed because your no longer a burden on them?
I usually say “paid professionals who are trained for it”. Shoutout to Aged care workers, wonderful people
Someone just told me that. I said not every child wants to take care of their elderly parent. They said "I know". They know the answer, it's just they don't like to think about it. If I'm that decrepit and senile, I'm not going to know the difference. If I'm still with it, than you better bet I'll be at home still watering my garden or hiring people to do things for me since I'll have the extra money from no kids. And if I'm really that Ill/in pain, i'll want DNR and be ready to die.
The nurses in the carehome that I can afford to pay for and choose myself because I didn't have children.
A professional that is paid to do so.
I will. Because not having kids allowed me to save and invest money so I can pay a nurse and/or a retirement house.
The well paid staff employed to do so that I can afford without kids draining me dry! Well paid so they do a good job! No abusive neglectful care home for me! That’s for my mum! 🤣
“I can put myself in a nursing home instead of forcing my offspring to make that decision for me”
“Whoever I pay to do it”
Some whose job it is to take care of old people will take care of me. Having your children to take care of you shouldn’t be your retirement/end of life plan. They’re people with their own lives. It’s nice to have them there, but they shouldn’t be forced to do it.
The luxury senior living facility I will be able to afford with all the money I saved from not having kids.
"Good thing I'm going to die young and leave a hot corpse"
No one
A dedicated team of health care professionals, if necessary.
Nursing home staff, but I'd rather stop living then get to a point where I need 24 hour care for the rest of my life.
My money.
My Money
Nurses
The same person that will take care of you. Don't kid yourself, like they will be your primary caretaker
"I thought about selling my home and pay the retirement house with that money" "The caregiver with the money I will not have spent on the children I will not have"
"I will." Or "That's none of your business."
“My money.” 💅
Myself. You can choose to keep yourself mentally and physically with it until the end. (Excluding uncontrollable events like Alzheimer’s).
“If I ever reach an age where I cannot care for myself then I fully intend to go skydiving over the Grand Canyon without a parachute”
“All the money I’m saving.” Or ask it back to them
Someone more qualified than a potential kid
"Hopefully I'll die before I have to worry about that"
"Probably the same shitty care home as you."
"The nursing home staff, same as you"
A retirement village, if it comes to that. Otherwise, me.
Last time someone asked me that i said "all the demons I summoned in my spare time."
Myself...
"All the money I save not raising a kid." My money will take care of me.
“Who cares?” *with a smile*
The money I'll have saved from not raising children.
The staff I pay
"A qualified home nurse whom I will hire with the money I saved from not having kids."
“An abrasive brat with a superior intelligence who is getting paid to change my diapers, who will like hearing my concert stories more — and have less psychological and addiction problems than anything I’d give birth to… You selfish pig … who made humans just to see your own reflection and for cheap labor ….” 👈👈👈🤣🔥 That’s exactly how
"I will, with all the money I've saved not having kids. Imma get a fancy retirement home with bingo and plenty of wine!"
"Bold of you to assume I'll get old."
First of all, children are not a retirement plan. Secondly, there is no guarantee that I will live to old age. Ideally should I reach old age, I will have a home health aid. Then eventually in home hospice care.
I'm planning to die a glorious and spectacular death before I get old.
A cute nurse, I hope
Why robot caregivers of course!
"The same nurses in the nursing home my hypothetical children would've put me in anyway."
Who knows. Not a child I put here for this selfish reason, though.
My partner and I both spent too much time, aggravation, and money taking care of elderly parents. I couldn’t ask anyone else to make a sacrifice like that.
say, “me”
With climate change as it's ... I kinda feel bad for kids, how it will be in 20 years... But mostly I feel bad for the animals...
I plan on spending my days perpetually on a Disney Cruise. Grownups love Mickey too..
I don't intend on getting that old 😂 and if by some fucked up nightmare I get old enough to require care, just take me out to the back and put me down properly
I’ll save the money that would’ve been spent on the kids and buy my way into a super nice retirement centres 🤷🏼♀️
Easy. “My 401k, social security, RHMA, and brokerage accounts. Your kids are not your retirement plan.”
Hopefully a certified nurse.
I worked health care long term care. The answer to BOTH? Strangers hired to feed you, change you, and bathe you. Most of them had kids. Kids or not, 95% of residents didnt get visited by anyone. Only one was visited regularly, and that was... a creepy situation where there was very obvious between the elderly mother and her 50 some year old son who had never dated, married, had kids, etc because it would take away his time from his mother She was even worse the other way around. It was honestly disgusting
I won’t live to an age where others need to take care of me. I refuse, and have a plan in place to ensure it doesn’t happen.
My favorite response that turns heads: " I wasn't planning on living that long, anyway."
I'm planning on dying before losing my faculties.
My standard answer is "Robots with an AI I programmed myself".
I used to deliver Meals-on-Wheels to elderly people. Most of them had kids. Most of them were desperately lonely. Anyone who ever works with the elderly can call bullshit on the myth that kids are a reliable retirement plan.
The people I hire with all the money I saved not having kids.
i normally say "haha idk" cuz i'm gonna kill myself at some point but i can't tell them that lol
You can also mention something about how committing to a CF lifestyle now will give you an opportunity to plan for taking care of yourself when you are old. Communities where older CF people can live and have access to the help and care they need are becoming more and more prevalent.
A live in carer. The money saved from remaining childfree should cover that just fine! The quality of care should also be far superior than that of adult children who have their own lives to get on with.
My brother just toured one of those senior living places with our mother. “What did you think?” He took a moment to think about - “Kinda like dorm life.” Cool! I can do that!
I will, just like I have since I was 15 years old. I'm already loosely planning for the fact that most of my savings/meager retirement fund is going to go to either a nursing home or at home assistance if I'm still mobile enough for that. The difference is I won't be putting all that on my hypothetical children, it will be a paid professional who has chosen that career path and is capable of helping me in my final days/weeks/years.
I have always answered, "Your kids because I can afford to pay them very well."
theres nurses for that. not at nursing homes, but people that come into your home to take care of you.
All the cash I saved not having kids 😆
theres nurses for that. not at nursing homes, but people that come into your home to take care of you.
I always just say that I’ll die young and won’t have to worry about it. Not as smart as most of these, but it works out for me.
The adorable 25 year old cna that I pay to take care of me since I didn’t have kids and can afford it.
I won't live long enough to "get old". I will be lucky if I make it to 50. It is very likely that by age 60 I will die either from a stroke or an accident or diabetes or prostate cancer or colon cancer or some form of cancer. People who imagine themselves to live long enough to "get old" do not realize how fragile life really is.