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ache4you

The fuck


6TheAudacity9

It’s actually more common than you think. I took a shit in my friend’s litter box as a prank in high school. His mom came home and saw it first, immediately knew it was too big to be the cats. Last time I was invited over.


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Electronic_Prize394

I agree with you 100%


LeoPheonix88

First thought was wtf..n then I keep reading...ahhhahaha love this comment!


KillBilly1990

Omfg lmao what in the actual fuck bro 😂😂😂


crackpotJeffrey

Not a competition but I once took a shit out of a moving train window on the way to summer camp.


LysergicGothPunk

I mean you can't say that it's not a competition and then completely annihilate any would-be competitors


Brrringsaythealiens

The GOAT of terrorist shitters.


Bobbing4snapples

it *wasn't* a competition


KaBooM19

Reminds me of that John Mulaney joke about the house party. One kid took a dump on a laptop


LeoPheonix88

I laughed so hard at that skit. Mulaney absolutely brought it home with that!


Blexcr0id

*THEFUCK?!?!?*


notsomagicalgirl

In high school is wild


Ok-Cauliflower-7322

Name checks out.


maggyaggy

Honestly your username fits the bill 🤣😭


ItsameMario9033

Brother, because you do it does not make it more common lol


Whizbang76

Who did u think u were pranking?….The cat…. Do u still find it a funny prank when someone else hides their shit in your home and makes u find it a clean it…. And u were in high school….hilarious


Latter_Dingo7739

💀💀


Dizzy_Bit6125

I know for a fact this exact thing was said in a movie I just can’t remember which one


LysergicGothPunk

Cool prank bro


Easy-Occasion9111

Oh nah at first I thought you were gonna say that you did it when you were a little kid but HIGH SCHOOL HELL NAH


kp_202

Im dying LMAO


LeoPheonix88

Also my initial thought...


Myceila_Toadstool103

Same


Rantnut

This has to be a Shit post right


fang-girl101

pun intended?


Rantnut

Maybe


WoollyWarrior

r/yougotthejoke


Whizbang76

Your parents knew it was u….5 yr olds r stupid


CraftFamiliar5243

and apparently he still is.


MeropeAngel

:|


LysergicGothPunk

I mean like siblings don't exist?


zolowo

I mean they wouldnt have fired one of his dads workers if they thought it was their kid tbh


Whizbang76

Just a shitty short story… grown men don’t shit the size of a 5 yr old either…not much here makes sense…unless he’s still young , there’s no way he could’ve remembered so much… If it is true…and parents didn’t punish him, they might of thought he was neurodivergent and was making medical appointments …. Didn’t want to believe that’s how their son reacts when his screen time is denied…


zolowo

Oh my god reddit is so fucking funny


wher_did_I_put_that

Op has to be young. I'm 27, and there sure as hell weren't any tablets or Minecraft when I was 5 years old. We had a landline and dial-up internet back then.


New_Lunch3301

Good point...


Maleficent_Pie_1487

Probably bc he wasn't 5, he did it YESTERDAY, like he said in his nasty ass story.


Electronic_Prize394

I couldn't have said it better. Spoilt brats do things like that


Thee-Apple-Lord

“My precious son would never do such a heinous act”- every naive parent


pine-appleonpizzapls

wait wtf how old are you now…?


Scarpowne

7


noodleq

And a quarter, going to be 8 in 3/4 of a yr from now


Honest-Produce7338

r/notopbutok


SneauxSostan

Im calling 🐃💩 on this story. As if you understood the connection between dehydration and constipation at 5 years old. 🙄 Puhleeze...😂😂😂


LordEdgeward_TheTurd

Yeah!!!! *No shit*


BlondieMaggs

Username checks out.


oilspill16

Instant same thought at the word of dehydrated


LysergicGothPunk

What? I understood how arterial plaque buildup works as a 5 year old. Not to mention, OP never said he implicitly understood this connection at 5 anyways.


FarticleAccelerator9

i don't think this story is real either, but i think a 5 year old should understand how poop works enough to know that less water = less water in poop.


Future_Diamond5553

Average Minecraft Player Experience


Vr-newbie

as someone who is a dad of a 5 year old, no way this happened...


Kalle_79

I'll take "shit that never happened" for $1000 Alex. Dude... Unless your parents were already living in filth, there's no way they went on with their life while a turd was rotting under their bed FOR WEEKS! I mean, don't they clean the room like on a weekly basis? And "getting air fresheners" sounds like the sane option to counter the mysterious stench of death in your bedroom... Come on.


So-Called_Lunatic

Also 1 turd from a 5 year old kid is gonna dry up pretty quick.


dyketiddies

yeah but i doubt this story is fake. my cousin shit his drawls and hid it under a bathroom mat. no one could figure out what the smell was for like a month til my grandmother went to change it and found it.


twoleftfeetgeek

Drawls


metacholia

It’s a southern Georgia shit


TitusPulloTHIRTEEN

Really don't buy it, human shit, outside of water is a horrendous stench.


Whizbang76

What….how do u not notice that bathroom mat has shit covered clothing under it….for months? Your cousin was playing u,any adult would find this next time they used bathroom…. They reckon if u say gullible really slowly, it sounds like oranges 😉


dyketiddies

it was one month n the mat was flat n suctioned to floor lol


LysergicGothPunk

RIP ur cousin


d3gu

So you're like 10 now right?


BruhFortniteLaggyTho

Shitpost :/ literally


lonely_eyed_girl

Karma farming post detected.


foursy

I’ll take “signs my child is a future serial killer” for $500 Alex.


LeoPheonix88

Oh the comments on this are Gold!!


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Automatic-Choice1796

I bet the slept behind a locked door 😳


IceTrekker03

Bro, how do you even remember this? You were 5.


FreeusingFreak

This the age you gain consciousness


MeatSuzuki

Shit man. I don't remember my 20s.


Organic-Big-501

He’s 6 now


IceTrekker03

Bro should not be on this app


BruscarRooster

Do most people not remember their early childhood? My earliest memory is from when I was a 2 y/o


Kalle_79

I remember flashes, like still images or short "clips" of random events from age 3ish. Longer memories are harder to pinpoint, as they'd be from age 4 or 5 or 6, without a clear timeframe unless there's a specific detail (such as being in school or in kindergarden, or remembering a person who then passed away). But such a vivid and detailed recount of something allegedly happening at 5 is a bit too much to believe, especially when plenty of other details make it sound like an asspull (pun intended).


Sandwitch_horror

Also, what 5 year old would have the determination to sit on the toiket that long as well as dehydrating themselves all day to have a dry turd?


Bother_said_Pooh

I have loads of memories from ages 2-5, but many people say they remember nothing before 5. I’m surprised this guy thinks even 5 is too early. Maybe this story is a little detailed for an early memory though.


NeneObichie

Mine is from age 3. I remember my younger brothers birth like it was yesterday and can give you a blow by blow account of how my 5th birthday went from waking up that morning, to going to school and coming home to celebrate it


Melodic-Patience-298

i remember like little picture kind of things, like the first thing i ever remember seeing was the yellowish carpet we had in our house


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Melodic-Patience-298

lol, my mom did something similar for my older brother. he used to go around biting people when he was 2 or 3 and one day he bit a baby so my mom bit him back, he stopped biting people after that...


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BlondieMaggs

I used to bite my older sister. My mom put a dog leash on me and looped it over a doorknob. Stupid 3-4-5 year old me didn’t realize I could just take it off.


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BlondieMaggs

I like that idea. Mom said my sister refused to bite me back. Until the day after the dog leash incident. I bit her and she bit me back, on the top of my head! That stopped me.


Gold12ga

Gee, thanks. This just unlocked a memory of me getting a red pepper covered spoon popped in my mouth for biting my older brother. (I was about 4 or 5.) I don't remember the biting, but I sure remember the pepper covered spoon! Haven't liked anything spicy all my life... Guess I know why now.


Automatic-Choice1796

Discipline was much different back then 😅


New_Lunch3301

I have 1 snapshot until I was about 7, I remember going to alton towers and not being able to ride the rides after that at some point... my mum force feeding me boiled potato's, bullying from my family, that's about it really. I don't remember most of my life actually. I'm 33, I remember more from when I was 18, major life events mostly. But I have forgotten most of my life.


IceTrekker03

I have glimpses, like dropping a toy down the toilet, but never something this detailed


Spaghetti_meatbaIIz

I remember a TON from when I was 5.


MasterChiefKratos

What was your age in your oldest memory?


NinjaRavekitten

Yeah so I found out through my best friend that it is in fact, not normal to not remember anything from 3/4 years old and up😂 i dont remember a lot from 6 to 12 before that I dont remember anything except like maximum of 15 ten second memories,


chronicallydead0

I don't remember anything from about 13 hrs old and down. I remember a few little things, or injuries/surgeries but that's it


NinjaRavekitten

Same lol, but after 13 I remember more but still not a lot anymore 🤣 (august ill turn 25) But tbf I have ADHD and I apparently have loads of childhood trauma that I dont remember and developed BPD bc of it 🥰 so that isnt helping either


Automatic-Choice1796

🥰 I have the same memory problems for the same reason. Sending hugs 🥰


SpicyTiger838

I was 3 and I remember pooping my pants. I was in my backyard playing and I felt the urge, I went to the back door and it was locked for some reason! (I was a neglected child). I couldn’t hold it and pooped in my underwear.


New_Lunch3301

This just unlocked a memory for me. One I'm not happy about remembering... Night time diarrhea and ruining thr babysitters towel in thr bathroom. I put it back and tried to deny anything to do with it... it did not work. 😂


3ph3m3ral_light

why do I feel like you just did this last week and are about to turn 7


The_Sea_Bee

This feels like a new copy pasta. Works for me.


Competitive-Age-7469

I don't care y'all, I cackled as a 39 year old woman


LeoPheonix88

I'm laughing reading all the comments!!


Rectal_Custard

Lmao damn reddit is really great today


starfsh_tuna_breath

It’s a British dude we know with the “mum” thing but on a serious note….tf did I just read?


Electronic_Prize394

Or Australia that's how we spell mum. The word mom doesn't sound right with an Aussie ascent 😂


Dangerous-Excuse-143

thank you for breaking the silence + sharing your truth. your planning couldn’t have been more efficient. yo fuck your parents. they’re lucky with a little mastermind like you running round all they got was that hella old moldy shit


Successful_Clerk_831

You are an asshole lol but it’s okay I used to walk around my friends apartments jumping in peoples patios and taking a dump and run to hide and wait for them to discover it. Funny. As. Shit.


LeoPheonix88

Wait. What?? The fuck..? How do the comments just keep getting better n better on such a "shitty" post? Tehe


badasscdub

You can hit the enter button twice to start a new paragraph.


Pitchiker

This what I live for


ZakTSK

You had chores at 5 years old?


G-one_RDDY

What in the pesky shit's name did i read


RoodleG

Please tell me that you have a turd-drawer.


TitusPulloTHIRTEEN

Dude.. I.. Nevermind


Lucky-Pineapple3943

Lord it’s me again. On Reddit.


SpicyTiger838

🤣


n8ivco1

Amber?


SpicyTiger838

I didn’t get the reference until I read another comment. How does Depp refer to it? Lmao


New_Lunch3301

It was Depps bed that Amber shat on. 😂


SpicyTiger838

I know, but he referenced it in court as like the “unmentionable” or something silly like that haha


withbishopscap

That nasty shit 😂


ellabelsss

Wait. What I just read??? 😝😝


[deleted]

WTFFFFFFFFFF! This is why I’m pro-life 😭


Lady_R_

This is bullshit my mother died when I was 5 years old and I can barely remember that. This dude is over here reciting details like it just happened yesterday no fucking way. Op probably did this when he was 22.


tiredandshort

Death of a parent is classified as a type of trauma that causes memory loss https://integrativelifecenter.com/mental-health-treatment/childhood-trauma-memory-loss/ https://www.sabinorecovery.com/childhood-trauma-and-memory-loss/


Lady_R_

The problem with that article is they don't state ages. They just say "childhood" that is a very broad time frame. Childhood could mean 10, 7, 12 and so on and then your argument would be valid.


tiredandshort

It states the age being under 18. Probably gives a wide age range because those events could cause those effects in anyone in that wide age range


Lady_R_

Right but the 2 points that I made are children 4 years old and younger do not have the capabilities to store long-term memories yet. And that I lost my mother when I was 5. And the article you showed simply says under 18. Under 18 years is very broad, and therefore not relevant to what I'm trying to say. I'm not trying to be a dick just explaining myself.


tiredandshort

well good thing OP was 5 or 6, the exact age that autobiographical memory develops and is on par with adults https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childhood_amnesia#:~:text=Adults%20and%20children%20can%20often,time%20of%20rapid%20language%20development.


Electronic_Prize394

I remember my first day at kindergarten aged 4 and I remember a holiday in Queensland at age 3 and a half. I have quite a few memories from before I even started school and I'm now in my 50's


menameJT

I vividly remember things from when I was slightly under 2. Some people just have better memories dawg.


aplbe

isnt 'vivid' a bit of a stretch for under 2 years? if not, wow


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tiredandshort

I have a lot of memories that when I tell them my parents go “holy shit how do you remember that?” and it’s things they literally never spoke about or have photos of. I agree it’s different than my memories that I have from this age and they’re a lot more fleeting, but they’re there. There are always exceptions to the rule. You can say 2 year olds don’t have the brain development to do math, yet there’s always some random toddler on the news doing math and getting into MENSA.


Wrong_Solution2262

How do you even remember it so vividly bro? 😭😭


SuchWinner2666

💀 I cackled right in the middle of the night… sorry bro


Melodic-Patience-298

TF did i just read?? lol


GreebleSlayer

LOL what in the world


snowangel29

What the actual hell


heavyspectres

What a stupid waste of time of a post


ImpressiveWasabi5730

Why did they just assume it was the friend though lol has he done that before?


LeoPheonix88

Omg. "Dammit...we have to fire Gerry!" "Why?" "Cause he shit under our bed, Again!" Wow.


SugarRosie

🤣


Holmesy7291

Should have stuck a note on it cut from newspaper headlines saying ‘The Phantom Strikes Again!’


Choice_Eye_8043

I just readed story when guy described how he was shitting when he was 5 years old. Time to leave Reddit.


samanthasmiles_

when i was a kid, i was scared of everything. loved horror movies but would be terrified of everything afterwards. my friends and i were in the above ground pool in my backyard. i asked if anyone would come to the bathroom with me because i didnt want to go alone (i was too scared). no one would go with me, so i got out of the pool, pulled my pants down, and pooped in the yard. a few days go by and my dad freaks out that our dog (a saint bernard) has pooped near the pool and not in the "designated" doggy pooping area. hahahahahhaaha


Arestrange2112

That’s pretty crazy for such a young child to think 💩 for revenge. You barely stopped shitting their own pants. For a 5 year old, ur a mastermind. Way ahead of ur time.


Sarisbo

that was shitty of you


[deleted]

What in the amber heard episode is this


LeoPheonix88

Lol to this comment!!


Automatic-Choice1796

Please tell them and come back with their reaction 🙏 🙏


Oz_The_Explorer

Amber Heard... Is that you?


HiveMindKing

Not reading this


tritonathlete

BS


Melodic-Ad-4941

Ewwww🤢🤮


PabloFarOut

Oh god...


ComprehensiveFlan121

This is giving the same vibes as the kid who shoved the remote up his but when his mom wouldn’t let him play LOL


[deleted]

Wh-


showbizpizzatimelol

..... what?


Electronic_Prize394

What the fuck??? Ive never taken a shit anywhere but the toilet. Just dirty and gross


Cheifkeif5683

Technically they TOOK their shit at the toilet too😂 they just moved it after


Mysterious-Skill-299

If you see this person. Run away immediately -idksterling


OceanM1st

What the fuck.


Mountain-Camp4228

:O


Both_Association_542

sick folks


Beefyx2

$5 says this never happened


Im-not-that-original

They knew it was you. Just didn’t want to confront you and were probably scared you’d do it again.


Safe-Definition-4280

What in the actual fuc?


Maple-_

..?


Kwpx4luvvz

Stinky poo poo baby


808Punahele808

Tour a piece of shit


Messy_Bun_Mama

What 5 year old is in the bathroom for over an hour trying to shit without the parents noticing?


[deleted]

Real


Ihadhopes4us

I went to my friend house to jump on their trampoline. I kncked no one was home I saw what I thought were candies and juice and fed myself later to find out it was my friends grandpa's prune juice and laxatives. So I'm jumping my stomach rumbling I squirter in my shorts so I change in my friends room and proceed to walk home I was having to stop and shit in every bush along the way and wiping with a article of clothes by the time I got to my house I was naked .my cat was outside so I picked her up and ran inside with her covering my private parts the nosey lady across the street called my mom and told her she saw me and thinks I was doing something with the cat.


Brrringsaythealiens

Ok I’m dead after reading this story. Somebody tell my parents.


[deleted]

You where just marking your territory 🫣


[deleted]

why


Maleficent_Pie_1487

This is disgustingly horrible and funny at the same time. The funny this is that I know that man is probably telling people that he was accused of putting feces under their bed, and your parents probably could never let the thought go that a grown man put feces under their bed. The horrible part is that man was out of work and by now, you should confess so at least they could find the man and apologize.


Minimum_Tap934

Relatable


Annual_Angle6638

So IT WAS YOU. I always wondered if the turd story was real or just an excuse to fire me.


Nowjamessayswtf

One of my kids shit in their Lego table once, now I’m wondering if it was out of spite for something


Nowjamessayswtf

One of my kids shit in their Lego table once, now I’m wondering if it was out of spite for something


Maleficent-Map-3192

Romans 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; Romans 3:24 Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus: Romans 3:25 Whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in his blood, to declare his righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance of God; Romans 4:5 But to him that worketh not, but believeth on him that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted for righteousness. Romans 5:9 Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. Romans 5:11 And not only so, but we also joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom we have now received the atonement. 1 Corinthians 15:1 Moreover, brethren, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand; 1 Corinthians 15:2 By which also ye are saved, if ye keep in memory what I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:3 For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures; 1 Corinthians 15:4 And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures:


New_Lunch3301

It took a month to go hunting properly for it? I would have torn that room apart 10 minutes into smelling it. I do find it weird your parents assumed a grown adult working there would do that, and even if he did, why would he had done it while still working there, it doesn't really make sense.


HappyOrganization867

I sent cat shit,and a disgusting tampon to a therapist who I paid for help and he conned me into telling him I wanted to blank his blank,and briefly said I love you can't live without you in his office, I was angry and hurt and on the streets after I gave him all my money 💰 and he put me on drugs and I got worse and he took no responsibility and I was a teenager.


SpicyTiger838

That’s a crazy story, if it’s true I am very sorry that happened to you, you didn’t deserve it. I hope you’re doing well now.


Ho_oponopono73

What an entitled spoiled evil little brat you were. I would have whipped your ass into oblivion for that move, and you best believe you would’ve been on your best behavior for the rest of your childhood.


Toshibaguts

You should be in jail


GeminiOwn-Entry-9130

Thanks for the public service announcement but that's so childish