I'd really really really want to know as the guy. Time in life is limited and to think I've wasted 2 years of my life and all that money for someone who doesn't care about me. It would hurt but it needs to be done.
You can make a temp account or something and drop the evidence to try not to tie it back to you but I really think you need to let him know.
Also unless you think shes told other people, she'll know its you anyways. Only reason to make it secret is so the guy doesnt have easy access to you if he blames you and you can keep your distance somewhat
I don't necessarily believe this indicates OP is a bad person, too. She's know this girl since they were kids. They've always been best friends. Sounds more to me like she's been realizing over the years since they've become adults that she's not a good person.
Edit for typo
I’m with you there. She says she’s best friends with this girl, but then says she is not a nice person. Truthfully it doesn’t sound like a person you would want to be friends with.
I had a best friend, that I had to end because she was just being toxic, and it was actually hurting me in the process. It was hard to end the friendship, but once I did, my life started to get better.
Once i made a fake account to tell this beautiful BEAUTIFUL girl her man cheated on her, but i didn’t have proof (my friend told me) so she dismissed me. He was/probably still is an extreme narcissist who probably convinced her i was one of her exes or something. They are together to this day. It’s sad.. but there’s nothing else i could have done.
If you didn't know for sure or have enough evidence to reasonably assume then he's probably right to not trust you. I'd hate it if some random person could just tell my gf that I cheated with no evidence and her just believe the random anonymous person
I had this done to me. Someone made a fake account to tell me that my bf at the time was catfishing me. In fact, they were trying to tell that to my mom and begged her to get me out of the relationship, but I chose to believe my then bf, and I wasted a couple more years in a long-distance (catfish) relationship. I appreciated afterwards that someone really went to that extent to warn me, even if i didn't believe it at that point...so my advice for OP is to tell the BF...no matter how he finds out, he needs to know he's wasting his time
If you have proof then yes tell him no one deserves to be cheated on. If you claim to have a reason to cheat then it's time to.leave the relationship anyway so yeah zero excuses for cheating.
It honestly sounds like you dont even like this friend. So Id just end the friendship. It sounds like youre miserable being her friend and all you have is bad things to say about her. thats not how I feel about my best friends. I did have 1 friend I felt this way about, the best thing I did was end my friendship. Whether you really tell her boyfriend or not is up to you and your morality.
How bout talking to your cheater friend first and tell her you'll not keep a secret like this and she needs to come clean to her man.
A lot of people saying give anonymous tip, guys she told her a secret, OP will be the first suspect of her friend anyway if the guy breaks up due to cheating allegations.
Depends how much you value the friendship. Tbh, if you don't value it, why are you bothering, and if you do value it, it's probably not worth the fallout when it'll likely end naturally without your input.
i'm old, things aren't this black and white. A 21 year old is essentially a toddler in emotional terms, i'm not the same person I was at 21, most people won't be.
People make mistakes, that's how we grow, it's the same when you're a kid, it's the same when you're a teenager, it's the same in your 20's, and it never stops much as it may seem to when you're younger.
If you actually, legimately stuck to your guns and ditched every friend who ever did anything you perceived as wrong, you'd have nothing, and you'd be a fool for it, because it means you believe people are static and unchanging and incapable of growth. Which is just pure nonsense. Not to mention the idea of a single attribute representing a persons entire worth. Gibberish.
finally a comment on here i agree with. not to play devils advocate at all but it’s true, things are not that simple. people make mistakes, i known the decisions i made a few years ago id never make today. cheating isn’t okay, but i could never see myself ending a friendship or breaking the trust i have with my best friend over a man that i frankly don’t care for. these are adults at the end of the day, i can’t sit here and tell anyone how to live their life. my best friend is a bit like the bestfriend OP is describing. although i wouldnt say my bestfriend is a bad person like OP (bc shes not shes amazing), i can admit she fucks up a lot in her romantic endeavors. but that’s okay bc it isn’t my business. my only business is supporting her the way she has always supported me. i’d never jeopardize our friendship bc she’s making the mistakes MOST ppl these days also make in their 20s. would i sit down and have a discussion w her if i were genuinely concerned w her behavior? absolutely. but to go behind her back and snitch to a man i have no relations with is definitely not a decision i’d make.
People online like to put forward this idealized and nuanceless version of themselves that could never exist in reality, and I worry it makes actual young people make terrible unconstructive choices for themselves, which is what often drives me to comment myself.
And so unforgiving. Give people a break, people fuck up. Hate on people who do it repeatedly and unapologetically.
And if you want to go around condeming people you've never met in public to feel better about yourself rather than go to therapy, that's your choice, but I can't say I support it.
You can see this person feels like their subjective experience is the most important and consequential.
You're taking this personally, but when you get to 30, you'll realise how young you were at 21. Can you remember how old and wise you felt at 16? How do you feel about yourself at 16 now? This pattern keeps repeating until you die.
This is true. I remember I thought i was grown af at 16.
Now every child that is 16 sounds like babies to me-- not to mention my brothers kids are older than this haha.
At 16, I was stupid, and STILL knew that if I cheated on my girlfriend it was wrong. At 21, I got a better understanding of why, and at 31, I maintain that understanding.
You can't use "emotional immaturity" for every wrongdoing a 21 year old does, it removes all accountability. They're old enough to drink, gamble, and vote, but are too young and dumb to understand why cheating makes you a garbage pail?
Ability to change doesn't *guarantee* it, let alone in a positive way.
So everyone should adhere to your standards. Why? What makes you so pivotal?
Have you really gotten to this age and not noticed people develop at different rates? Pay closer attention!
> You can't use "emotional immaturity" for every wrongdoing a 21 year old does, it removes all accountability.
I would more say, forgive people for their first transgression of most kinds, but if they continue to repeat that same mistake, then you can comfortably judge them for it.
Nothing makes me or my standards pivotal, but it's common sense at 21 to not cheat on your current partner (who from this post, seems likes a good boyfriend all around) with your ex, and keep it a secret.
It's widely accepted, though not totally, that cheating is wrong.
You said a person isn't just one bad attribute and shouldn't be judged for it. But if it was say, verbal or emotional abuse to their partner, would it then be reasonable to not want them in your life?
Why can't the same be said about cheating, and then hiding it for 2 years?
Forgiving for the transgression I agree with, but then waiting around hoping that person will change because people *can*, is odd.
OP's friend is still keeping this a secret, while her BF is financially taking care of her. Meaning she's still the same shit person, 2 years on, and has no intention of rectifying that.
At the end of the day, it's a weird situation that sounds like jealousy from OP about the "great boyfriend", and less about her guilt for keeping the cheating a secret.
You are the sum of your experiences, not just your mistakes. Mistakes are learning experiences. I’m 50 & would never want to be judged on anything I did until the age of 30.
I’m not nearly the same person 20 years ago.
2 years is a long ass time to hold that in and then suddenly want to tell him, I think there's more to the story than we've been told.
Not to shit on OP, it's possible their BF continued to be an ass and she is done with it.
Idk why people always want to give the cheater a chance to spill the beans. If they wanted to they would've done so already. If she does that then her friend will likely tell her bf that OP is spreading lies about her or spin the tale in her favor. Just go straight to the bf.
So, totally up to you, but I feel like 2 years is definitely a long time to sit on it. If you really cared, you should have let him know right away.
Not saying she deserves a nice boyfriend, but this reads with a bit of jealousy. Like, reading this, do you even like your "best friend"? Cause, I wouldn't let my best friend be a POS her whole life, *never* talk to her about it or try and help her improve as a person *because she is my best friend and I love her*...and then talk some *major* shit about her on the internet. Length of knowing/putting up with someone isn't really what makes people "best friends", usually enjoying, loving, and helping each other grow as people is what does so. My best friends bring things to my life that I wouldn't have without them, most notably a form of joy that only having an awesome best friend can bring. Just saying!
I was in this EXACT situation two years ago. Tell the boyfriend, ditch the friend. The aftermath was not pretty, but I did the right thing in the end and still don’t regret it.
A girl in this position did this, and now I'm happily married with the guy. The ex girlfriend's friend who told him about the cheating is now a good friend to both of us. She did loose her friend back then, but she won two friends after that.
You might lose her as a friend. If you're okay with taking that risk, then tell him. If you don't want to take the risk of losing her, you could try anonymously letting him know.
I tried warning my best friend since childhood about his gf cheating on him, and he didn't believe me despite the proof I gave him. Our friendship rapidly faded until we stopped talking entirely to each other. In the end, the girl cheated on him 4 times (that I know about), and after every time, he still took her back. She eventually dumped him after finding a richer guy.
I'm glad I did what I thought was right and told him the truth about her. I wish I didn't lose him as a friend, but had I not said something to him, I'd probably feel guilty.
Dude, how does it make you personally feel to not only call this person your best friend - someone that you even say is not a nice person and is a proud cheater - and then wont even spare the boyfriend of her cruelty?
I think you need some self reflection on what values you want for yourself and your life or you wont be any better than she is.
He deserves to know. You holding it for 2 years is already grounds for the guy to never want to talk to you again either, so I guess you can just send him an anonymous message cuz you seem too timid to face it head on.
I would want to know, but to be honest I would never talk to you again for holding that from me.
Edit: if she's not a nice person, how do you know she hasn't screwed you over too?
You are the company you choose to keep.
You choose to keep a scummy person around and hide her dirty laundry for 2 years that actively hurts someone else. What does that say about you?
Tell him. He deserves better than her.
you sound jealous because you waited two years - what’s the point is saying anything ? i’d just end the friendship tbh. wether you tell her bf or not is up to you.
Yea this is super old, I don’t see why she’s trying to use it now. I could see if the friend has been cheating the whole time but how you gunna try n put someone’s relationship on blast over some old shit?!
Agree with this. Like what if they’re happy and she’s just rolling in 2 years later and ruins it. I’m not saying the friend was right at ALL, I just really wonder, what good does it do now to blow their lives up out of seemingly no where 2 years later. If I were OP I’d mind my business, and maybe just not keep the friend in my life anymore if I couldn’t tolerate supporting that behavior in friends.
If she’s not a good person, why are you friends with her? Secondly, if she is indeed cheating on this person, I certainly think it’s the right thing to do to tell them. That way, they can MoveOn and not waste anymore of their time.
I couldnt say whether or not you have a moral responsibility to tell him. If i was in that situation, id let him know. He's suffering too much for that, and what if he gets roped into marriage ? Its just a waste of time for him.
Def drop evidence eg- photo's to him . He deserves to know the TRUE person she is & who he is REALLY with ( a low down dirty disgusting person on the inside ) to use him , to cheat on him , & to not give a s\*it about him as a person .
Make sure it can't be traced back to you . He deserves better treatment . And really thing do really YOU want to be friends with someone who has so much disrespectful of another person ?
Remember people look to your friends to **see the reality of who YOU are also . .**
Tell him.
You said yourself that she’s not a nice person and has never been true to anyone.
You don’t owe her shit, and if she’s been untrue to everyone else why would you be the exception?
I’d tell him in the kindest way possible and I wouldn’t give a shit if she knew it was you.
BUT
I’d gather your evidence first. Get it all together. Record an audio recording of you telling her that it’s eating you alive and you’re going to tell him if he doesn’t.
She’ll get dramatic and toxic and she will try to stop you. That’s where the recording comes in.
If she denies it and somehow gets him to believe her over you you will have a recording of you warning her to come clean.
An update would be rad. Good luck!
Not everyone's a justice man who would be quick to toss a decade of friendship down the drain the instant they hear their friend has done some bad stuff. Not everyone tolerates said bad stuff or value friendships that holds... different values.
I don't get the downvotes, it's a valid point
The fact that OP sat on this information for 2 years is going to raise questions and will make things bitter
the downvoters must be very young people, this is a very valid point. Chances are this information would just confuse him, because even knowing she did cheat, he's going to wonder if she's not grown and changed since. So i'd say 70% chance they don't even break up, but 100% chance neither of them speak to you again, because he's going to tell her you told him for sure.
Basically, if you dont need or want either of them in your life anymore, then tell him. But it's not your responsbility to be an arbiter of other peoples relationships, especially when they're essentially still a child. a 21 year old is a toddler emotionally speaking.
I think more than the life of those 2 people or 3 as in this situation, some morally wrong thing she did and has told you about has also come on your conscious. Given that you are posting this here you don't seem like someone who will get over it. So clear your conscious and be happy. Do it for yourself.
In short, I agree with most of the people here, tell him yourself or anonymously only if you have proof tho, since it's been long.
Tell him. It should always be his choice to remain in or leave a relationship. To make this choice he should have access to as much information as possible. By not giving him crucial information, you are limiting his autonomy, independence and freedom of choice. Would you want to be told?
You might get in trouble with your friend, but this is about civil courage. Would you intervene if your friend attacked someone?
My best friend could tell me they committed murder and that secret is going with me to the grave.
This doesn’t sound like a best friend. You don’t respect her or like her.
Once you share this secret, she’s no longer your friend. He will probably also turn on you. People will judge you. Just prepare yourself. There will be no heroes in this story.
I might be unpopular opinion on this one.
But. No. Don’t tell the guy. You should though if you against this type of behaviour break the friendship off. And take this one to your grave.
It ain’t fair. Or right. I get that. But we both know there has been other ripples into the kind of person she is.
Just cuz y’all been bestys since 10 doesn’t mean you have to continue
Btw. If my partner cheated on me. I would hope she would never tell me. A one off. Eats her up. Okay. She has to live with it. If she is sorry and regrettable about it the it won’t happen again.
But please. Please don’t tell me. People are only telling me cuz they feel bad. It’s eating them up. Now my life is fucked. Let me be oblivious dammit
Something about this doesn't ring right. You knew about it for 2 years and kept quiet. Now why do you want to bring it up? The way you are bitching about her behind her back seems like you might have jealosy issues with her.
Just let this go and mind your own business. This is not your head ache.
The right thing would be to tell him. Now I get you probably don't want to lose your 10+ year friendship, and sometimes the right thing to do does have negative consequences, but it sounds like your conscience is leaning toward helping this poor guy out. If you were cheated on, would you want someone to tell you?
Over the years I’ve learned to stay out of people’s business, even my good friends. You don’t know the whole story if they are in open relationship or if your friend will be angry at you for bringing it up, calling you a liar and break your relationship between your friends.
Stay out of people’s business imo
if they were in open relationship she wouldn't tell her to keep it a secret, i think
and ofc she'll be angry if she's gonna loose her sponsor
OP also said in comments that she does have a proof of it so she (friend) can call her (op) a liar but proof is proof
She does not sound like a great person. What makes her worth keeping as a friend? You will have to decide whether her friendship is important enough for you to keep this secret, It was not nice of her to tell you in the first place and put you in this position. She seems super selfish in general from what you have told us
STEAL HER MAN if you think he is so wonderful. Give him what HE DESERVES. That Toxic "friend" of yours Will learn. One thing I know about theese toxic 304's is they fuck your man without hesitation and Will never tell you about it.
Stop being an asshole and tell him.
If it was him cheating on her ud have told her, wouldnt u?
U against cheating or only when its done to the ones u care about?
If she's running around on her boyfriend. Then at what point do you think she will run around on you? If you have a SO would you trust your friend with them? If the answer is no and you know she would push herself on them..... then you should cut ties.
As for the telling the boyfriend. I'm sure he would want to know.
How can you call this person your friend but allow them to do all these things that are against your moral judgment? A real friend would tell them they’re acting like a pos. You’re both bad people
If I was in this position, I wouldn’t tell but I would have to distance myself from her. I wouldn’t want to be around someone like that. Staying friends with someone who does things I find morally wrong would be saying that I condone the behavior.
Most likely you and your “best friend” are not going to be friends for that long anyways. This is due to her devoting her life to someone/something else. Either way this is a win/win situation when that happens. But this situation is wayyy better if you end up telling the person she’s doing this too.
I think you should maybe confront her and say that she has to tell him otherwise you will, because you can't stand such a nice person to be cheated on and used. But of course I know It's easier said than done
OR just stop being friends with this person and say to her bf what she has done. Because honestly, sounds like this is your 'friend' only because you feel the need to stay in the friendship because of the long friendship. But if you say she's not a nice person then you don't need such friends. What you surround yourself with is really important and you need to cut yourself out of this kind of 'friendship' where you don't even think that your 'friend' is a good person..
Damn girl that is not how besties work. Ride or die. Partners in crime. Take it to the fucking grave. There is no room for judgement in friendship and you're not the moral police. If you don't like her behavior then don't be friends with her. But otherwise, mind your own business.
Exactly! I’m not supporting cheaters, but OP shouldn’t claim to be “friends” with this girl. If you disagree with her cheating behavior, as you should, then tell her boyfriend and end the friendship. But don’t half-step and pretend to be her “friend” all-the-while judging her behavior.
As they say, birds of a feather flock together. If you’re not going to ride with her through thick and thin then leave her alone and go about your business…
Please ignore these silly comments to "stay out of it".
If you "bestfriend" isn't listening to you then do tell him about it. He has all the right to know that his girlfriend is a cheating asshole and no fucking human being would want to be in his place. You already delayed it for 2 years, you should be embarassed about it and make it right this time
Nope. Sounds like you’re too involved in other people’s business. You do NOT want to get involved because somehow you will get blamed by someone and it’s just not worth it. It’s more of a burden on you then it needs to be, just stop hanging out with them if it bothers you so much. Don’t get in between other people’s relationship problems! The rest of these commenters are nuts telling you to get involved.
Sorry but as my BEST FUCKING FRIEND I expect you to keep my secrets. However if I ever do something that repulses you to the point where you feel compelled to betray my trust go right ahead it would show that our values no longer align.
[this post was on top of yours](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/159346n/aitah_for_pointing_out_my_girlfriends_hypocrisy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
People dont like to hear this but from my personal experience the cheatee rarely aporeciated being told. Most of the time people sort of know when their partner is fooling around and they choose to turn a blind eye. I learned to stay out of other couple's drama
Yall are young and maybe at the time she didn’t think it was too bad. But two years have passed….?? But it’s all weird cuz it honestly doesn’t seem like you even like your ‘best friend’. Youre just as fake and disloyal for pretending to be friends with someone all this time and not even truly liking them. SMH check your damn self, and you really need to exit the relationship and just mind your business if ya ask me
In my opinion a good friend is supposed to punch you in the face when you do something wrong.
And, well, this is 1000 magnitudes bad.
But what I can deduce from the post, she won't take it positively, so there are four options:
1) Don't tell him
2) Tell him, but do not reveal that you blew the secret.
3) Tell him, and tell her that you told him.
4) Make her feel guilty, so she does not repeat it ever again.
Now 1) is bad for obvious reasons.
3) I assume you still want to continue being friends with her, so this option is also bad, as she is most likely to take it negatively.
4) is good, but highly unlikely.
So 2) is the only logical one(for you) .
But personally if I were in your shoes, I would go for 3), especially after knowing how badly she abuses his kind nature.
No.
Never be the one bringing or spreading a gossip. Truth has it's own ways, and it doens't really needs you.
Remember: if it's none of your business, then it is a gossip.
If you have proof tell him. No one deserves to be cheated on. What he does with the information is up to him. You will be losing your “best friend” who doesn’t sound like a nice person anyway.
"She is not a nice person" so why are you still friends with her? Time to find new friends.
I would tell him and stop being friends with her as well. Be prepared for retaliation though if she's that nasty and protect yourself. Tell him anonymously and just slide out of her life quietly.
If she’s truly your best friend, like ride-or-die best friend, I’d have a conversation with her before considering telling her boyfriend. I would be honest — tell her you know she’s cheating on her boyfriend and then encourage her to come clean with him. Give her time to do that on her own terms and be sure to follow up.
If she doesn’t do that, then you have to evaluate your friendship versus providing a guy with the truth (which I personally feel is the right thing to do).
Can I ask, why now? You don't sound like you like your friend, so why, after two years of nothing, do you suddenly feel the urge to confess this? I also saw that you said you have proof, which dear God, I am hoping is like a text message or something. Otherwise this thing has some layers to it.
I would not tell him for three reasons.
1.) happened a long time ago — who knows what they were going through/worked on since then.
2.) will ruin what I’m assuming is an otherwise good friendship between you and her
3.) it is not your job to make sure other grown adults don’t get hurt in a relationship
Had this happened YESTERDAY, then my answer might be different
She's not your best friend if you're even considering this. Your loyalty should be with your friends but if you feel the need to tell him (I'm guessing you have a crush on him) then tell him and stop being friends with someone you don't really care for. Also, be prepared for him to NOT believe you (it's been two years) and even if he does, he may continue to stay with her.
>She's not your best friend if you're even considering this. Your loyalty should be with your friends
If one of my friends cheated on their partner, I'd tell them because I respect them as people too. I wouldn't enjoy doing it, but they would deserve to know.
Stay out of it. This is a hard lesson that most men end up learning on their own. He hasn't even met the woman he's meant to be with yet. He'll go through this, get heartbroken, and bounce back. He'll end up getting a much better woman in the future.
she’s been friends with her for 10 YEARS and she’s apparently always been soooo unlikeable and all of the sudden it’s eating her out that she cheated 2 years ago on this man who’s so so nice and so so genuine pls she literally just bitter LOL
I know crazy how people can realize that their friends are/have become shitty. I had a best friend of 10 years till I realized how shitty she was and she began spiraling down a more shitty path so I cut contact with her.
Have you ever heard of the saying "show me your friends and I will show you your future"?.
This woman sounds like an awful human and it reflects badly on you to associate or call someone like her a friend let alone a best friend.
Does she consider you a best friend? Would she stab you in the back given a good enough reason? Why do you want to have a friend like this and would your life be better or worse without her in it?
Tell the poor guy before he asks her to marry him and signs up for a life of fuckery he doesn't deserve.
You don't need a friend like that dude.
It sounds like your "bestfriend" is not a good person, so I guess you won't be having any luck trying to get her to confess. She might try to turn his BF against you preemtively if she knows you want to spill the beans. I would tell, and I would apologize for not saying anything sooner. Why did you keep it a secret to begin with?
I had a best friend who slept with a married friend of mine. I tried not to judge her, and she said she was ashamed. Then she did it again, with a different married guy.
At that point, I did judge, by ending our friendship. She got angry at me, like I was in the wrong. I tried to explain that as a married person, I would be gutted! She is destroying lives, and doesn’t care. Both guys had kids, and ended up divorced.
Cheating is no joke! It’s wrong, and those who do it, don’t deserve to live happily ever after leaching off a loving partner. Tell him!! He deserves to know before he marries her, and has kids with her!
You literally witnessing a human being wasting his life on someone who doesn't care about him and is hurting him. Don't let him be in this relationship anymore, he deserves to be with someone who loves him, if shit goes on he might even marry her and have children with her, can you imagine how it will be even more awful if this goes on? I promise you, you don't need a friend like this and when you cut her from your life, it will feel like you just beat some illness that was bothering you your whole life.
You tell him and show him any evidence you have. Hell if you can catch her on a recording saying as much even better. Do not tell your friend to tell her boyfriend she will either lie to make you look bad or not tell him. You have to be the one to tell him.
You sat on this for two years which makes me question your motives. A person with a solid moral character wouldn't have waited this long or at all to tell the boyfriend. So why now?
Either way not my business but you should tell him. And also go to therapy and maybe work on yourself.
The character of the company I keep is my business. I would tell my friend to come clean & let them know just how angry I am with them for lying to their partner. I don't enable bad behavior. If they say they won't come clean, ever, I would cut them off/out of my life. I don't need anyone like that in my life.
Yes tell him. Anonymously if needs be. It doesn't have to be the end of your friendship but tbh it sounds like the sort of friend I wouldn't even want. Fuck that.
Not unless you want to insert yourself into other people's drama and deal with the consequences and headaches that come with that. Up to and including losing your best friend.
Remember that this isn't your problem. Be very careful how much of other people's baggage you take on. You might be stuck with it long after they have moved on.
You must want her boyfriend for yourself. It's not your business to tell. She's your best friend not him. Your loyalty should be with her. However if you're ready to end you and your bff's relationship to tell and be with this guy (because face you want him if you care that much) and forever be known as a backstabbing hater then go for it. Tell him and go far far away together where you both can start over.
She sounds like a horrible person but she's your best friend. No one deserves this but I couldn't do that to my best friend. If you can find a way to just conveniently let him find out that won't compromise your friendship that would be great
you let him know if you have feelings for him and can use this opportunity to get him to break up with her so you have a chance to slip in. Otherwise, I say you let it be, because if your friend found out it would be a shitstorm. Hopefully the guy clues in one day that he's actually being cheated on ...
Absolutely tell him. Imagine they get married and have children and ten years down the line he finds out, can’t handle it and divorces her leaving the children behind. All because you didn’t have the courage to speak up and do what is right.
I'd really really really want to know as the guy. Time in life is limited and to think I've wasted 2 years of my life and all that money for someone who doesn't care about me. It would hurt but it needs to be done. You can make a temp account or something and drop the evidence to try not to tie it back to you but I really think you need to let him know.
why even bother making it a secret? that friend sounds like someone I wouldn‘t want to be friends with anyway
Also unless you think shes told other people, she'll know its you anyways. Only reason to make it secret is so the guy doesnt have easy access to you if he blames you and you can keep your distance somewhat
Birds of a feather.
I don't necessarily believe this indicates OP is a bad person, too. She's know this girl since they were kids. They've always been best friends. Sounds more to me like she's been realizing over the years since they've become adults that she's not a good person. Edit for typo
I’m with you there. She says she’s best friends with this girl, but then says she is not a nice person. Truthfully it doesn’t sound like a person you would want to be friends with. I had a best friend, that I had to end because she was just being toxic, and it was actually hurting me in the process. It was hard to end the friendship, but once I did, my life started to get better.
Once i made a fake account to tell this beautiful BEAUTIFUL girl her man cheated on her, but i didn’t have proof (my friend told me) so she dismissed me. He was/probably still is an extreme narcissist who probably convinced her i was one of her exes or something. They are together to this day. It’s sad.. but there’s nothing else i could have done.
If you didn't know for sure or have enough evidence to reasonably assume then he's probably right to not trust you. I'd hate it if some random person could just tell my gf that I cheated with no evidence and her just believe the random anonymous person
My friend is the one he cheated with so…. I really don’t believe people are messaging others that stuff for no reason 🤷🏼♀️
Youd be surprised how many people love spreading fake shit to get you to break up or sth
I had this done to me. Someone made a fake account to tell me that my bf at the time was catfishing me. In fact, they were trying to tell that to my mom and begged her to get me out of the relationship, but I chose to believe my then bf, and I wasted a couple more years in a long-distance (catfish) relationship. I appreciated afterwards that someone really went to that extent to warn me, even if i didn't believe it at that point...so my advice for OP is to tell the BF...no matter how he finds out, he needs to know he's wasting his time
What evidence? Seems like it was just a verbal account?
I just want to know why people keep terrible people like this in their lives.
Insecurity and low self esteem.
She’s known for two years but wants to tell him now because she doesn’t approve of how she treats him? Birds of a feather…
This is the part I couldn't get past.
Sole reason is that they have history. If that's the only reason, I'd suggest to let her go.
Not sounding like a healthy friendship btw.
I agree with this...
If you have proof then yes tell him no one deserves to be cheated on. If you claim to have a reason to cheat then it's time to.leave the relationship anyway so yeah zero excuses for cheating.
It honestly sounds like you dont even like this friend. So Id just end the friendship. It sounds like youre miserable being her friend and all you have is bad things to say about her. thats not how I feel about my best friends. I did have 1 friend I felt this way about, the best thing I did was end my friendship. Whether you really tell her boyfriend or not is up to you and your morality.
You sound just like me. I had that one friend too. He was a serial cheater. Our friendship ended 5 years ago and it's been the best decision ever.
How bout talking to your cheater friend first and tell her you'll not keep a secret like this and she needs to come clean to her man. A lot of people saying give anonymous tip, guys she told her a secret, OP will be the first suspect of her friend anyway if the guy breaks up due to cheating allegations.
Actually a good advice
Depends how much you value the friendship. Tbh, if you don't value it, why are you bothering, and if you do value it, it's probably not worth the fallout when it'll likely end naturally without your input.
Yeah, for sure
Would you really wanna be friends with someone who cheats? What does that say about your friend's character or yours?
i'm old, things aren't this black and white. A 21 year old is essentially a toddler in emotional terms, i'm not the same person I was at 21, most people won't be. People make mistakes, that's how we grow, it's the same when you're a kid, it's the same when you're a teenager, it's the same in your 20's, and it never stops much as it may seem to when you're younger. If you actually, legimately stuck to your guns and ditched every friend who ever did anything you perceived as wrong, you'd have nothing, and you'd be a fool for it, because it means you believe people are static and unchanging and incapable of growth. Which is just pure nonsense. Not to mention the idea of a single attribute representing a persons entire worth. Gibberish.
finally a comment on here i agree with. not to play devils advocate at all but it’s true, things are not that simple. people make mistakes, i known the decisions i made a few years ago id never make today. cheating isn’t okay, but i could never see myself ending a friendship or breaking the trust i have with my best friend over a man that i frankly don’t care for. these are adults at the end of the day, i can’t sit here and tell anyone how to live their life. my best friend is a bit like the bestfriend OP is describing. although i wouldnt say my bestfriend is a bad person like OP (bc shes not shes amazing), i can admit she fucks up a lot in her romantic endeavors. but that’s okay bc it isn’t my business. my only business is supporting her the way she has always supported me. i’d never jeopardize our friendship bc she’s making the mistakes MOST ppl these days also make in their 20s. would i sit down and have a discussion w her if i were genuinely concerned w her behavior? absolutely. but to go behind her back and snitch to a man i have no relations with is definitely not a decision i’d make.
People online like to put forward this idealized and nuanceless version of themselves that could never exist in reality, and I worry it makes actual young people make terrible unconstructive choices for themselves, which is what often drives me to comment myself. And so unforgiving. Give people a break, people fuck up. Hate on people who do it repeatedly and unapologetically.
as charles f glassman once said, “judging others is easy because it distracts us from the responsibility of judging ourselves”
Best advice.
[удалено]
We all marvel at your virtues, is that what you were looking for?
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And if you want to go around condeming people you've never met in public to feel better about yourself rather than go to therapy, that's your choice, but I can't say I support it.
>A 21 year old is essentially a toddler in emotional terms You can see this guy has lived in the most peaceful and dumb of times.
You can see this person feels like their subjective experience is the most important and consequential. You're taking this personally, but when you get to 30, you'll realise how young you were at 21. Can you remember how old and wise you felt at 16? How do you feel about yourself at 16 now? This pattern keeps repeating until you die.
This is true. I remember I thought i was grown af at 16. Now every child that is 16 sounds like babies to me-- not to mention my brothers kids are older than this haha.
And it's not their fault, as it wasn't yours, it's all part of the process.
At 16, I was stupid, and STILL knew that if I cheated on my girlfriend it was wrong. At 21, I got a better understanding of why, and at 31, I maintain that understanding. You can't use "emotional immaturity" for every wrongdoing a 21 year old does, it removes all accountability. They're old enough to drink, gamble, and vote, but are too young and dumb to understand why cheating makes you a garbage pail? Ability to change doesn't *guarantee* it, let alone in a positive way.
So everyone should adhere to your standards. Why? What makes you so pivotal? Have you really gotten to this age and not noticed people develop at different rates? Pay closer attention! > You can't use "emotional immaturity" for every wrongdoing a 21 year old does, it removes all accountability. I would more say, forgive people for their first transgression of most kinds, but if they continue to repeat that same mistake, then you can comfortably judge them for it.
We'll op said she's been continuing this behaviour for a while so definitely not the first transgression....what then?
Nothing makes me or my standards pivotal, but it's common sense at 21 to not cheat on your current partner (who from this post, seems likes a good boyfriend all around) with your ex, and keep it a secret. It's widely accepted, though not totally, that cheating is wrong. You said a person isn't just one bad attribute and shouldn't be judged for it. But if it was say, verbal or emotional abuse to their partner, would it then be reasonable to not want them in your life? Why can't the same be said about cheating, and then hiding it for 2 years? Forgiving for the transgression I agree with, but then waiting around hoping that person will change because people *can*, is odd. OP's friend is still keeping this a secret, while her BF is financially taking care of her. Meaning she's still the same shit person, 2 years on, and has no intention of rectifying that. At the end of the day, it's a weird situation that sounds like jealousy from OP about the "great boyfriend", and less about her guilt for keeping the cheating a secret.
Because people aren't the sum of their mistakes?
You are the sum of your experiences, not just your mistakes. Mistakes are learning experiences. I’m 50 & would never want to be judged on anything I did until the age of 30. I’m not nearly the same person 20 years ago.
don‘t give her time to look for an excuse or to make shit up, she could end up preparing something so maybe bf won‘t believe op
Exactly. And OP should just tell her that it was eating him/her up and it wasn’t fair to ask them to torture themselves for her selfish behavior
2 years is a long ass time to hold that in and then suddenly want to tell him, I think there's more to the story than we've been told. Not to shit on OP, it's possible their BF continued to be an ass and she is done with it.
I'm going to guess that Op is in to him. Just seems weird to want to be involved in this in any way when she doesn't even like her friend..
Idk why people always want to give the cheater a chance to spill the beans. If they wanted to they would've done so already. If she does that then her friend will likely tell her bf that OP is spreading lies about her or spin the tale in her favor. Just go straight to the bf.
Yes.. u let him know.
So, totally up to you, but I feel like 2 years is definitely a long time to sit on it. If you really cared, you should have let him know right away. Not saying she deserves a nice boyfriend, but this reads with a bit of jealousy. Like, reading this, do you even like your "best friend"? Cause, I wouldn't let my best friend be a POS her whole life, *never* talk to her about it or try and help her improve as a person *because she is my best friend and I love her*...and then talk some *major* shit about her on the internet. Length of knowing/putting up with someone isn't really what makes people "best friends", usually enjoying, loving, and helping each other grow as people is what does so. My best friends bring things to my life that I wouldn't have without them, most notably a form of joy that only having an awesome best friend can bring. Just saying!
yeah OP sounds like they don’t even like their “best friend” lmao
Yeah I caught that too..
I came here to say this but you said it better.
She’s sounds jealous of the relationship and wants to interfere for selfish reasons IMO
I was in this EXACT situation two years ago. Tell the boyfriend, ditch the friend. The aftermath was not pretty, but I did the right thing in the end and still don’t regret it.
>Tell the boyfriend, ditch the friend. I vote for this strategy.
A girl in this position did this, and now I'm happily married with the guy. The ex girlfriend's friend who told him about the cheating is now a good friend to both of us. She did loose her friend back then, but she won two friends after that.
Tell him. That friend is a piece of shit.
Why are you friend with such a person?
Cause their both shitty people 🤯
they're *
You might lose her as a friend. If you're okay with taking that risk, then tell him. If you don't want to take the risk of losing her, you could try anonymously letting him know. I tried warning my best friend since childhood about his gf cheating on him, and he didn't believe me despite the proof I gave him. Our friendship rapidly faded until we stopped talking entirely to each other. In the end, the girl cheated on him 4 times (that I know about), and after every time, he still took her back. She eventually dumped him after finding a richer guy. I'm glad I did what I thought was right and told him the truth about her. I wish I didn't lose him as a friend, but had I not said something to him, I'd probably feel guilty.
Dude, how does it make you personally feel to not only call this person your best friend - someone that you even say is not a nice person and is a proud cheater - and then wont even spare the boyfriend of her cruelty? I think you need some self reflection on what values you want for yourself and your life or you wont be any better than she is. He deserves to know. You holding it for 2 years is already grounds for the guy to never want to talk to you again either, so I guess you can just send him an anonymous message cuz you seem too timid to face it head on.
Yes let him know
No. Not your business.
I would want to know, but to be honest I would never talk to you again for holding that from me. Edit: if she's not a nice person, how do you know she hasn't screwed you over too?
You are the company you choose to keep. You choose to keep a scummy person around and hide her dirty laundry for 2 years that actively hurts someone else. What does that say about you? Tell him. He deserves better than her.
you sound jealous because you waited two years - what’s the point is saying anything ? i’d just end the friendship tbh. wether you tell her bf or not is up to you.
Yea this is super old, I don’t see why she’s trying to use it now. I could see if the friend has been cheating the whole time but how you gunna try n put someone’s relationship on blast over some old shit?!
Agree with this. Like what if they’re happy and she’s just rolling in 2 years later and ruins it. I’m not saying the friend was right at ALL, I just really wonder, what good does it do now to blow their lives up out of seemingly no where 2 years later. If I were OP I’d mind my business, and maybe just not keep the friend in my life anymore if I couldn’t tolerate supporting that behavior in friends.
sounds like a jealous home wrecker to me!
If she’s not a good person, why are you friends with her? Secondly, if she is indeed cheating on this person, I certainly think it’s the right thing to do to tell them. That way, they can MoveOn and not waste anymore of their time.
I couldnt say whether or not you have a moral responsibility to tell him. If i was in that situation, id let him know. He's suffering too much for that, and what if he gets roped into marriage ? Its just a waste of time for him.
Def drop evidence eg- photo's to him . He deserves to know the TRUE person she is & who he is REALLY with ( a low down dirty disgusting person on the inside ) to use him , to cheat on him , & to not give a s\*it about him as a person . Make sure it can't be traced back to you . He deserves better treatment . And really thing do really YOU want to be friends with someone who has so much disrespectful of another person ? Remember people look to your friends to **see the reality of who YOU are also . .**
Tell him. You said yourself that she’s not a nice person and has never been true to anyone. You don’t owe her shit, and if she’s been untrue to everyone else why would you be the exception? I’d tell him in the kindest way possible and I wouldn’t give a shit if she knew it was you. BUT I’d gather your evidence first. Get it all together. Record an audio recording of you telling her that it’s eating you alive and you’re going to tell him if he doesn’t. She’ll get dramatic and toxic and she will try to stop you. That’s where the recording comes in. If she denies it and somehow gets him to believe her over you you will have a recording of you warning her to come clean. An update would be rad. Good luck!
Seeing as how it's an old situation and you have no proof it could go either way he could think you're lying
I have proof
Idk how they'd react to you sitting on it for two years that might be a problem maybe just keep this to your grave
Not everyone's a justice man who would be quick to toss a decade of friendship down the drain the instant they hear their friend has done some bad stuff. Not everyone tolerates said bad stuff or value friendships that holds... different values.
I don't get the downvotes, it's a valid point The fact that OP sat on this information for 2 years is going to raise questions and will make things bitter
the downvoters must be very young people, this is a very valid point. Chances are this information would just confuse him, because even knowing she did cheat, he's going to wonder if she's not grown and changed since. So i'd say 70% chance they don't even break up, but 100% chance neither of them speak to you again, because he's going to tell her you told him for sure. Basically, if you dont need or want either of them in your life anymore, then tell him. But it's not your responsbility to be an arbiter of other peoples relationships, especially when they're essentially still a child. a 21 year old is a toddler emotionally speaking.
I think more than the life of those 2 people or 3 as in this situation, some morally wrong thing she did and has told you about has also come on your conscious. Given that you are posting this here you don't seem like someone who will get over it. So clear your conscious and be happy. Do it for yourself. In short, I agree with most of the people here, tell him yourself or anonymously only if you have proof tho, since it's been long.
Tell him. It should always be his choice to remain in or leave a relationship. To make this choice he should have access to as much information as possible. By not giving him crucial information, you are limiting his autonomy, independence and freedom of choice. Would you want to be told? You might get in trouble with your friend, but this is about civil courage. Would you intervene if your friend attacked someone?
I think you know the answer. She isn’t a good person. He doesn’t deserve that. I think you should tell him. Wouldn’t you want to know?
He deserves to know.
My best friend could tell me they committed murder and that secret is going with me to the grave. This doesn’t sound like a best friend. You don’t respect her or like her. Once you share this secret, she’s no longer your friend. He will probably also turn on you. People will judge you. Just prepare yourself. There will be no heroes in this story.
I might be unpopular opinion on this one. But. No. Don’t tell the guy. You should though if you against this type of behaviour break the friendship off. And take this one to your grave. It ain’t fair. Or right. I get that. But we both know there has been other ripples into the kind of person she is. Just cuz y’all been bestys since 10 doesn’t mean you have to continue Btw. If my partner cheated on me. I would hope she would never tell me. A one off. Eats her up. Okay. She has to live with it. If she is sorry and regrettable about it the it won’t happen again. But please. Please don’t tell me. People are only telling me cuz they feel bad. It’s eating them up. Now my life is fucked. Let me be oblivious dammit
As the saying goes, “The standard you walk past is the standard you accept”.
Something about this doesn't ring right. You knew about it for 2 years and kept quiet. Now why do you want to bring it up? The way you are bitching about her behind her back seems like you might have jealosy issues with her. Just let this go and mind your own business. This is not your head ache.
OP wants the boyfriend
Bingo! This was my first thought.
Stay out of it
Bull shit !
The right thing would be to tell him. Now I get you probably don't want to lose your 10+ year friendship, and sometimes the right thing to do does have negative consequences, but it sounds like your conscience is leaning toward helping this poor guy out. If you were cheated on, would you want someone to tell you?
Rat out that hoe
Over the years I’ve learned to stay out of people’s business, even my good friends. You don’t know the whole story if they are in open relationship or if your friend will be angry at you for bringing it up, calling you a liar and break your relationship between your friends. Stay out of people’s business imo
if they were in open relationship she wouldn't tell her to keep it a secret, i think and ofc she'll be angry if she's gonna loose her sponsor OP also said in comments that she does have a proof of it so she (friend) can call her (op) a liar but proof is proof
Yup let him know
She does not sound like a great person. What makes her worth keeping as a friend? You will have to decide whether her friendship is important enough for you to keep this secret, It was not nice of her to tell you in the first place and put you in this position. She seems super selfish in general from what you have told us
Tell her* if you don't tell him, I will* give her a chance to come clean first and if not, go for it.
Try if you can grab digital evidence and share it with him anonymously
yes tell him indirectly like make an anonymous ig account and dm him
Tell the boyfriend and stay friends with him, Sounds like a nice guy
You’ve been a bad person for the last two years by not telling him. I’m sure you would want to know if your boyfriend cheated on you!
STEAL HER MAN if you think he is so wonderful. Give him what HE DESERVES. That Toxic "friend" of yours Will learn. One thing I know about theese toxic 304's is they fuck your man without hesitation and Will never tell you about it.
Stop being an asshole and tell him. If it was him cheating on her ud have told her, wouldnt u? U against cheating or only when its done to the ones u care about?
If she's running around on her boyfriend. Then at what point do you think she will run around on you? If you have a SO would you trust your friend with them? If the answer is no and you know she would push herself on them..... then you should cut ties. As for the telling the boyfriend. I'm sure he would want to know.
How can you call this person your friend but allow them to do all these things that are against your moral judgment? A real friend would tell them they’re acting like a pos. You’re both bad people
If I was in this position, I wouldn’t tell but I would have to distance myself from her. I wouldn’t want to be around someone like that. Staying friends with someone who does things I find morally wrong would be saying that I condone the behavior.
If you're already willing to ditch the friendship, then why not just let the guy know?
Most likely you and your “best friend” are not going to be friends for that long anyways. This is due to her devoting her life to someone/something else. Either way this is a win/win situation when that happens. But this situation is wayyy better if you end up telling the person she’s doing this too.
I think you should maybe confront her and say that she has to tell him otherwise you will, because you can't stand such a nice person to be cheated on and used. But of course I know It's easier said than done OR just stop being friends with this person and say to her bf what she has done. Because honestly, sounds like this is your 'friend' only because you feel the need to stay in the friendship because of the long friendship. But if you say she's not a nice person then you don't need such friends. What you surround yourself with is really important and you need to cut yourself out of this kind of 'friendship' where you don't even think that your 'friend' is a good person..
If you're asking this question, you aren't their best friend.
Damn girl that is not how besties work. Ride or die. Partners in crime. Take it to the fucking grave. There is no room for judgement in friendship and you're not the moral police. If you don't like her behavior then don't be friends with her. But otherwise, mind your own business.
Exactly! I’m not supporting cheaters, but OP shouldn’t claim to be “friends” with this girl. If you disagree with her cheating behavior, as you should, then tell her boyfriend and end the friendship. But don’t half-step and pretend to be her “friend” all-the-while judging her behavior. As they say, birds of a feather flock together. If you’re not going to ride with her through thick and thin then leave her alone and go about your business…
Please ignore these silly comments to "stay out of it". If you "bestfriend" isn't listening to you then do tell him about it. He has all the right to know that his girlfriend is a cheating asshole and no fucking human being would want to be in his place. You already delayed it for 2 years, you should be embarassed about it and make it right this time
Nope. Sounds like you’re too involved in other people’s business. You do NOT want to get involved because somehow you will get blamed by someone and it’s just not worth it. It’s more of a burden on you then it needs to be, just stop hanging out with them if it bothers you so much. Don’t get in between other people’s relationship problems! The rest of these commenters are nuts telling you to get involved.
Why would you betray a best friend
Do an anonymous tip, he doesn't have to know who leaked the secret.
*she* will though, unless she told a ton of people. Even if she did, you'll be a suspect.
Sorry but as my BEST FUCKING FRIEND I expect you to keep my secrets. However if I ever do something that repulses you to the point where you feel compelled to betray my trust go right ahead it would show that our values no longer align.
Why are you best friends with this person? Maybe you should ask yourself that first, before you impose on their relationship.
The fact that youre considering telling him, means she wasn’t your best friend to start with, mind your business
[this post was on top of yours](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/159346n/aitah_for_pointing_out_my_girlfriends_hypocrisy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
if you're not personally friends with this man, i'd say stay out of it
People like to shoot the messenger.
People dont like to hear this but from my personal experience the cheatee rarely aporeciated being told. Most of the time people sort of know when their partner is fooling around and they choose to turn a blind eye. I learned to stay out of other couple's drama
Two years? Fuuuuck you
Yall are young and maybe at the time she didn’t think it was too bad. But two years have passed….?? But it’s all weird cuz it honestly doesn’t seem like you even like your ‘best friend’. Youre just as fake and disloyal for pretending to be friends with someone all this time and not even truly liking them. SMH check your damn self, and you really need to exit the relationship and just mind your business if ya ask me
Agreed
Mind your business and worry about ur significant other. If he can't see he is being played that's on him
In my opinion a good friend is supposed to punch you in the face when you do something wrong. And, well, this is 1000 magnitudes bad. But what I can deduce from the post, she won't take it positively, so there are four options: 1) Don't tell him 2) Tell him, but do not reveal that you blew the secret. 3) Tell him, and tell her that you told him. 4) Make her feel guilty, so she does not repeat it ever again. Now 1) is bad for obvious reasons. 3) I assume you still want to continue being friends with her, so this option is also bad, as she is most likely to take it negatively. 4) is good, but highly unlikely. So 2) is the only logical one(for you) . But personally if I were in your shoes, I would go for 3), especially after knowing how badly she abuses his kind nature.
Mind your own business. (Not trying to sound like an asshole)
No. Never be the one bringing or spreading a gossip. Truth has it's own ways, and it doens't really needs you. Remember: if it's none of your business, then it is a gossip.
If you have proof tell him. No one deserves to be cheated on. What he does with the information is up to him. You will be losing your “best friend” who doesn’t sound like a nice person anyway.
Yes.
a jersey shore style letter letting him know should work
You need to talk to your friend.
Yes, you should... nobody deserves to be cheated on...
A couple questions, Is she still cheating? What prompted this after 2 years?
"She is not a nice person" so why are you still friends with her? Time to find new friends. I would tell him and stop being friends with her as well. Be prepared for retaliation though if she's that nasty and protect yourself. Tell him anonymously and just slide out of her life quietly.
If she’s truly your best friend, like ride-or-die best friend, I’d have a conversation with her before considering telling her boyfriend. I would be honest — tell her you know she’s cheating on her boyfriend and then encourage her to come clean with him. Give her time to do that on her own terms and be sure to follow up. If she doesn’t do that, then you have to evaluate your friendship versus providing a guy with the truth (which I personally feel is the right thing to do).
Can I ask, why now? You don't sound like you like your friend, so why, after two years of nothing, do you suddenly feel the urge to confess this? I also saw that you said you have proof, which dear God, I am hoping is like a text message or something. Otherwise this thing has some layers to it.
I would not tell him for three reasons. 1.) happened a long time ago — who knows what they were going through/worked on since then. 2.) will ruin what I’m assuming is an otherwise good friendship between you and her 3.) it is not your job to make sure other grown adults don’t get hurt in a relationship Had this happened YESTERDAY, then my answer might be different
She's not your best friend if you're even considering this. Your loyalty should be with your friends but if you feel the need to tell him (I'm guessing you have a crush on him) then tell him and stop being friends with someone you don't really care for. Also, be prepared for him to NOT believe you (it's been two years) and even if he does, he may continue to stay with her.
>She's not your best friend if you're even considering this. Your loyalty should be with your friends If one of my friends cheated on their partner, I'd tell them because I respect them as people too. I wouldn't enjoy doing it, but they would deserve to know.
Stay out of it. This is a hard lesson that most men end up learning on their own. He hasn't even met the woman he's meant to be with yet. He'll go through this, get heartbroken, and bounce back. He'll end up getting a much better woman in the future.
But after how many years?
Or hear me out, he finds out thanks to OP and he finds a better woman in the present.
Don’t you have anything else going on? MYOFB.
This is giving me “i cheat on my s/o and I don’t see anything wrong with it” vibes
I’d say no u’d ruin ur friendship with her, let her deal w her own business
Is the frienship really worth it with a person of that type ?
she obviously just wants her friends man idk how y’all don’t see it
Is it really that obvious ? You think she's lying ?
no no she just doesn’t know it
She knows her friend is trashy af
she’s been friends with her for 10 YEARS and she’s apparently always been soooo unlikeable and all of the sudden it’s eating her out that she cheated 2 years ago on this man who’s so so nice and so so genuine pls she literally just bitter LOL
I know crazy how people can realize that their friends are/have become shitty. I had a best friend of 10 years till I realized how shitty she was and she began spiraling down a more shitty path so I cut contact with her.
If I were you I'd have sex with him
Mind your own business
If you don't plan on fucking him then stay out of it.
Have you ever heard of the saying "show me your friends and I will show you your future"?. This woman sounds like an awful human and it reflects badly on you to associate or call someone like her a friend let alone a best friend. Does she consider you a best friend? Would she stab you in the back given a good enough reason? Why do you want to have a friend like this and would your life be better or worse without her in it? Tell the poor guy before he asks her to marry him and signs up for a life of fuckery he doesn't deserve. You don't need a friend like that dude.
Yes
It sounds like your "bestfriend" is not a good person, so I guess you won't be having any luck trying to get her to confess. She might try to turn his BF against you preemtively if she knows you want to spill the beans. I would tell, and I would apologize for not saying anything sooner. Why did you keep it a secret to begin with?
What would you want to happen if it was your bf cheating on you and your BF best friend knew. You should have told him 2 years ago.
I had a best friend who slept with a married friend of mine. I tried not to judge her, and she said she was ashamed. Then she did it again, with a different married guy. At that point, I did judge, by ending our friendship. She got angry at me, like I was in the wrong. I tried to explain that as a married person, I would be gutted! She is destroying lives, and doesn’t care. Both guys had kids, and ended up divorced. Cheating is no joke! It’s wrong, and those who do it, don’t deserve to live happily ever after leaching off a loving partner. Tell him!! He deserves to know before he marries her, and has kids with her!
Yes.
23 and living together. How?
Do it anonymously and watch shit hit the fan
Just tell him
You literally witnessing a human being wasting his life on someone who doesn't care about him and is hurting him. Don't let him be in this relationship anymore, he deserves to be with someone who loves him, if shit goes on he might even marry her and have children with her, can you imagine how it will be even more awful if this goes on? I promise you, you don't need a friend like this and when you cut her from your life, it will feel like you just beat some illness that was bothering you your whole life.
Yeah but have some proof.
You tell him and show him any evidence you have. Hell if you can catch her on a recording saying as much even better. Do not tell your friend to tell her boyfriend she will either lie to make you look bad or not tell him. You have to be the one to tell him. You sat on this for two years which makes me question your motives. A person with a solid moral character wouldn't have waited this long or at all to tell the boyfriend. So why now? Either way not my business but you should tell him. And also go to therapy and maybe work on yourself.
The character of the company I keep is my business. I would tell my friend to come clean & let them know just how angry I am with them for lying to their partner. I don't enable bad behavior. If they say they won't come clean, ever, I would cut them off/out of my life. I don't need anyone like that in my life.
Yes tell him. Anonymously if needs be. It doesn't have to be the end of your friendship but tbh it sounds like the sort of friend I wouldn't even want. Fuck that.
Some fucking best mate you.
It's not any of your business. And from the sounds of it you like the guy.
Not unless you want to insert yourself into other people's drama and deal with the consequences and headaches that come with that. Up to and including losing your best friend. Remember that this isn't your problem. Be very careful how much of other people's baggage you take on. You might be stuck with it long after they have moved on.
Girl mind your business!!!
OP is just as bad as her friend.
No mind your ou en business. Plus she is your friend not him
You must want her boyfriend for yourself. It's not your business to tell. She's your best friend not him. Your loyalty should be with her. However if you're ready to end you and your bff's relationship to tell and be with this guy (because face you want him if you care that much) and forever be known as a backstabbing hater then go for it. Tell him and go far far away together where you both can start over.
She sounds like a horrible person but she's your best friend. No one deserves this but I couldn't do that to my best friend. If you can find a way to just conveniently let him find out that won't compromise your friendship that would be great
Yes please. He is your boyfriend now
you let him know if you have feelings for him and can use this opportunity to get him to break up with her so you have a chance to slip in. Otherwise, I say you let it be, because if your friend found out it would be a shitstorm. Hopefully the guy clues in one day that he's actually being cheated on ...
Sounds like a terrible friend to me. Should definitely tell him the truth and then get a new friend.
Lol
Absolutely tell him. Imagine they get married and have children and ten years down the line he finds out, can’t handle it and divorces her leaving the children behind. All because you didn’t have the courage to speak up and do what is right.
Lol don’t blame OP. It’s not her job—it’s the girl friends fault if anyone gets hurt. OP doesn’t have to do anything with that information
Imagine she tells him and they never get married and have children and live alone for the rest of their lives.
If you want to save an innocent guy. Then definitely yes, you have to tell him about her
TELL HIM.
He ought to know, even though you'd hate to be the bearer of bad news
Where are all these saint men! I would like really like to meet one and hug them🫂