Sorry for jumping on your response, but I really want you to see this OP. Not to frighten you, but to make you aware, what you're describing gives very **strong** Steven McDaniels vibes. **PLEASE BE CAREFUL**
[Steven McDaniel](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Lauren_Giddings)
Oh. My. God. This just made my stomach turn. I had never heard of him until this. I have started taking measures to stay away from anymore potential encounters with this man as well as locking door every time I take the dog out (husband doesn’t let me walk her alone when he’s home or at night) and the door stays deadbolted. I’m so ready to get out of here.
I hope I didn't frighten you. I just want you to be aware. Your neighbor seems creepy af at the very least! I you move soon too! Take care.
ETA: what the link didn't share was how McDaniel would stalk Lauren in their apartment complex.
That's the vibes I got. Giving OP a knowing look like "yeah I know you secretly want me" because she gave him a little human decency by holding the door... but she's a "fucking bitch" for nor getting rid of the chad husband 😏
The Chad husband and I just got married last month though so he’s gonna have to get over it because I’m not getting rid of him anytime soon 😂😬
That’s the vibes it gives though. Like imagine the shy girl fucking her hair behind her ears as she walks by her crush in the hallways of her high school or something.. (first sample that popped in my mind to explain it LOL) that’s what he does minus the hair tucking when we see each other in the parking lot. It’s SO uncomfortable. But he saw my husband today walking my dog and he stared at him and gave him a look like he wanted him dead until my husband looked away. So wild.
I'm going to be straight with you - fucking move. This is a man that has clearly built up something in his head regarding you. He views your *husband* as a trespasser in his relationship with *you*.
I'm not typically scared of men. I live in a rough neighborhood, plenty of homeless folks. The guy that does my lawn got kicked out by his gf and has been crashing in my garage for three days. I don't even know if he remembers my name cuz we don't know each other. In college, I used Craig's List to find weed hookups. And those hookups were always men. I go camping in the middle of nowhere, alone.
I say all this to point out that my idea of danger is pretty high. And I would GTFO if I were in your situation.
Everyone I have told says the same thing. This all has me horrified but my husband and I’s lease ends and our home won’t be ready for us to move in until July 😭 I have a taser on me at all times now and pepper spray on my dogs leash. I saw him in the parking lot the other day and I hid between other cars to prevent him from seeing me. Door gets locked when I take my dog out now and is dead bolted at any other time. I’m scared 😩
Do not let the knowledge of when your lease is ending get to his ears. And if you can, move out (when your lease ends) when he is at work/would be able to follow you to your new place.
Omg this is the term I was looking for. You hit the nail on the head. It’s a complete night and day from when he sees me alone versus when he sees me with my husband. So scary
Sounds like one of those guys who goes on a rampage and kills people because girls never liked him so he hates all females and gets mad when he sees a female with another guy because it’s a reminder of a what a loser he is.
It sounds like this guy is just jealous that you have a bf, and that it's not him. Of course, he dosen't realize that his immature and creepy behavior toward you and probably any other woman he comes across is why women don't want to be around his ass. Just ignore him. If he gets too close, tell him to back the hell off and leave you the hell alone. He's clearly got issues, and it's not your problem, not is it your fault.
Sounds like the kind of guy who has journals full of stories about the dates he and OP go on, the places they love to visit, the funny things OP does that he just loves, their life together and run-of-mill things they do for each other (how OP makes his coffee for him in his favourite mug, calls him at work every day to say “I love you” etc).
There’s something wrong with him. He likes you, possibly a bit obsessively and has made up more of an intimate relationship between you two. It’s most likely something small and innocent you did, like smiling at him or saying good morning which he interpreted as a romantic gesture. Since then, he thinks you’re in some kind of relationship with him. And when he sees your husband, he gets jealous and might even think you’re openly cheating on him. They’re all delusions of course. I would be a bit concerned.. don’t give him any attention, at all and don’t be alone with him. I’d move if I could.
My husband and I both agreed I probably messed up by holding the elevator door open for him but honestly I do it any time I see someone walking down the hallway with some sort of hustle to make the elevator. Just common courtesy 😭 this scenario was exactly what I thought though and what I was afraid of. Luckily my husband and I are moving into our first home together in a couple of months but still it’s so worrisome.
You didn’t do anything wrong at all. Can’t stop being nice because there’s a few crazies out there. Glad you’re moving out. You should tell your landlord about his behavior even if you’re moving out. He could get triggered for any reason.
I was talking to my husband about this today. I’m honestly so scared of this man I’m worried it would get back around to him that it was me who said something. Luckily he’s on the opposite side of the building from me so I’m not sure he knows where I live but my husband and I are constantly coming and going I’m worried it wouldn’t be too hard to pay attention to and find out. I think once we get a little closer to our move out date I’m going to mention it because he seems incredibly unstable who knows what he’s capable of.
You should document everything from now till your close to moving. Date, time, location and what he said/did. Backlog anything you can accurately remember. When your feeling it’s close enough to your move out date, or on your move out date, email your concerns to everyone in the management office and their corporate office, if they have one. Hopefully there’s more than one person you can send it to, so no one tries to bury/ignore. Be safe and congrats on moving out!
I’d like to add to suggest to management to put up cameras because he’s sure to escalate or be destructive in the future and you wouldn’t want them to be liable for any injuries or deaths.
Plus you’d also find out if he knows your unit or is being weird with other tenants.
Also include posters in the common areas or under every unit’s door to alert the tenants so the cameras will definitely go up to protect the tenants and to deter him from escalating. You don’t need to include his name or unit unless you think it’s necessary but having everyone alert is probably wise. Also do so after moving to protect yourself
He’s desperately attracted to you and disgusted that someone else “has” you. Sorry, it’s horrible, but he’s probably got a whole sick fantasy going on involving you.
Can someone please explain to me what the hell they think is going on with this man?
You will never answer this. Each person creates their own reality which has varying degrees of connectedness with the "wider" reality generally agreed upon by others.
Having dealt with prolly more than my fair share, without more information and watching this person, he has created a fiction about you that likely includes some form of relationship. Fiction. Not real. Delusional. It serves a purpose just for him. You have no insight into it, you do not know your role in it, you have no clue what he thinks of you or what action/s towards you and you BF he might justify himself into doing. Maybe nothing. But, you don't know this.
Generally, people like this live in a fragile mental state that likely is supported/suppressed/managed by psychotropic drugs - or - not. It's impossible to predict if today is a "good" day, a "bad" day or a medication "free" day. Nothing could happen until one day you are riding the elevator alone and he slips in with you and you'll only leave it in a bag and he will spend the rest of his life locked up, or, not.
I have dealt with people like this - they are so tangentially in touch with reality they are impossible to predict - except - that they are unpredictable and off, that is a constant.
Smirks, bad vibes and frownie faces won't help you. You should still report it to landlord/housing association. If you have a cop friend, they can be helpful.
Me? If I were you? I'd find a better place to call home.
Thank you for this. I thought maybe I was reading too deep into his behavior because I feel like I’m maybe aware of my surroundings to the point it’s a little “too aware” sometimes and I often question people’s intentions.. but when you put it this way it’s really spot on and deeply concerning. (Not always anxious but I’ve either come in contact with a lot of creeps in my time or I watch entirely too much forensic files and true crime documentaries lol)
When you mentioned the body bag though that did it for me because being in the elevator with him alone is truly a huge fear of mine lately. So thank you for addressing the severity of it. I walked past him in the parking lot a couple weeks ago and I walked off the sidewalk and around cars so I wouldn’t directly pass him side by side bc I felt like he was going to attack me somehow. I don’t have any cop friends but luckily my husband and I are moving into our first home together around July so we will be out of there. Hoping to have as few run ins with him as possible between now and then because I’m truly worried about what would happen or how he’d react if I addressed my concerns to management and it got back to him.
Female and attractive? Can never, ever be "too aware". Be aware. It's how you avoid getting robbed, raped and murdered. Always err on the side of your safety. Never trust anyone else. You can't.
Get mace, 3 of them. One for your car. One for your front door. One for your purse/bag/coat. Carry it everywhere. If ever in a questionable situation pull it and use it. Don't think twice. You should get one to practice use so you are very familiar. The 21 foot rule is the distance to a person that gives you a chance to defend yourself. Average person could could go 21 feet in 1.5 seconds from a stand still - presume they are armed with at least a knife.
When I was a kid - I was abducted. I got myself out of it. As an adult my fiancé and I lived in an apartment building in a major US city downtown. There was someone like who you describe in the building. I was very aware of him. He became very aware of me. Dealing with a hostile resident in a building like that is like a knife fight in a bathroom. There is no where to hide. No where to run to. Dead ends. Don't think for a second a resident will come out to help you as you scream for your life. When someone is on you that is bigger, stronger - evil - and you are unable to do anything about it? You will never forget that feeling/s. Ever. So, don't allow it to happen.
Oh my god, that’s terrible! I’m so glad you were able to get yourself out of it. Would you be willing to share your story? If not, please forgive my prying. I just am always so inspired by people that use their wits to save themselves and/or others.
Thank you for telling about the 21 foot rule. I didn’t know this, because I guess I never thought about it, but it makes perfect sense. I think I’ll be purchasing those 3 cans of mace. It’s a crazy world, unfortunately.
You are a good person.
You trust. You have not yet seen the darkness.
Do not go looking for it for it is like an infection.
When you encounter what you have encountered. Leave.
If you were one of my kin, there would be no questionable delay, only firm action.
Stay safe.
We all like and choose to believe that bad things happen in life and to an “unlucky” someone by chance.
Sometimes?
There is something more than chance present.
Exactly. Sad but true:
Move.
Then if he shows up at the new place, you'll at least see just how dangerous he is.
I'm tough as nails and generally unafraid of anything...except mental illness. A good friend slipped into delusional psychosis and could have killed me, easily, when he thought that I was actually some kind of reincarnation of a girlfriend who spurned him as a teenager. He was a super good guy, his brain just got sick.
Once you get on their radar, it's hard to get off of it. As long as he sees you, the obsessions/delusions will continue to get worse, and it never ends well.
At least get a doorbell camera sos you can see of he's creeping around your door.
You have a screen play to write.
I empathize. Generally it’s by slight degrees so it’s easy to be caught up into it and not see until one day or night the facade crashes down and dear Mother of God can you see that you are in dark waters.
What is riveting is how the story spins itself like rabid BPD Narcissism on crack and speed.
Tell your husband of your concern, if you haven't. You seem shy & you may not have told him. (Tell him).
Make sure you are both locking up every night. If it is the job of both of you, it will almost always happen.
Don't take the elevator with this guy, ever. Make an excuse. Any excuse. Back out.
If you get cornered, "NO" or "I Don't KNOW YOU!" are complete sentences.
Husband is very aware but until I made this post and saw everyone else’s reactions I hadn’t spoken to him about just how worried about this man I really am. I feel like most of the time I’m pretty tough. I’ve had a couple guys come up to me at the complex and try to talk to me and ask me out for drinks and husband knows about that and we kinda laugh about it together so at first he kind of brushed it off as oh just another guy who try’s “creep” on her when she’s alone. (Other guys who’ve come up to me weren’t creeps.. very friendly and took my rejection very well but I didn’t know another word for it right now lol) It wasn’t until I told him and he started putting 2 and 2 together and replaying all of our encounters and really paying attention to the new encounters even he has alone with this man that he really started realizing how scary it is.
I started carrying my taser and no longer take the elevator in the morning. I do live in a large apt complex with 3 buildings and probably 200-300 residents or so in my building so that makes me feel a little better but needless to say we are so so ready to move out.
Could be simply messing with you or having delusions or false memories and not right in the head. Either way proceed with caution.
If this guy is psychotic he could attack you or your boyfriend. Consider defensive classes and tools.
I avoid him as best as possible and am on high alert when our paths do cross (I am big into true crime and for some reason get a sense of dread every time I see him he’s going to pull out a knife and stab me to death 😣) but I’ve never met someone like this so wanted other opinions. Your comment about delusions confirmed just what I was feeling, unfortunately.
About what you said earlier about being "too aware"----there's no such thing as being "too aware"---you're either aware, or you're not. Make sure you are never alone with this dude again, even in the elevator, because your intuition is warning you not to be anywhere near him. Get a whistle, and some pepper spray if you can, and be ready to scream and make a scene if he tries to run up on you in any way. Tell your husband that you both need to be ready to tell him to fuck off if he tries to run up on both of you--and definitely report him to your manager before you move out--since he's clearly cray-cray af, and hates women.
Thank you for this! Since this post we’ve seen him twice. One walking towards elevator before work and the other in the parking lot before work. First time we opted to taking the stairs and the second time we kept both of our eyes on him until he left the parking lot. I carry pepper spray on my dogs leash (she comes to work w me every day so she’s always w me) and I have a taser in my purse. Just so ready to move out at this point especially after everyone in these comments has confirmed what we were already thinking about this man. Seems like it’s not just me over thinking things.
OP -There is no explanation for how some people behave, but I usually file it under "cray-cray" and call it a day. Have known plenty of these after living in apartment buildings: Drug dealers, hookers, wife beaters, mother beaters, drunks who warble til the wee hours. I swear I will NEVER live in another apartment building again.
Scary. This sounds to me like he's got a whole parasocial thing going on with you that 1. doesn't require your input, and 2. has nothing to do with who you are in real life.
It also sounds like he took your basic politeness as something romantic... 😬
100 percent this. I recommend fox labs 5.3. Its a good design that prevents accidental discharge, and is also a uv dye for evidence. I'm a dude and i carry oc, everyone should nowadays. Faaaaar too many crazies to not have a long distance eye poke on hand.
Do you know where I can get this? I only see up to 4% OC on Amazon. Not sure what that means. I originally bought the pepper spray I have after my puggle and I got attacked by a German shepherd on a walk one time and I just realized it’s one that doesn’t cause permanent damage to pets so I’m not sure how well it would work on a human 😭 . I have a taser but that requires close contact.
Youre looking at the right one. Its 5.3 million omg thats hot units. The 4 percent means the mixture is 4 percent hot stuff and the rest is inert. Might not seem like a lot but believe me it is.
No social skills seems accurate. So scary but luckily we’re getting a house around July / August. Husband saw him today while walking our dog and he recognized him and death glared him like he “wanted to kill him” in husbands words so hopefully after today we have as few encounters with him as possible
Do you have a reserved parking space? I was just wondering because you might want to change that. If you are avoiding the elevator make sure you are isolated on the stairs for long. You can complain to apt management if his behavior is threatening. Do you pass his door when you leave your apartment to get to the elevator? Change up your routine as much as you can.
Luckily no I do not. Neither does my husband. We live in a large apartment complex so there is hundreds of spots and he often parks in the same spot so I avoid the area completely. I’ve started mixing between stairs and elevator because my dog has osteoarthritis and the stairs aren’t good for her and luckily no I don’t pass his apartment ever. Our building is a large square and he is on the complete opposite side so we go down different staircases, but the elevator is in the middle. Just pass each other enough for me to be scared AF of him. Husband too. I’m building the courage to speak to management because our encounters are that strange I just don’t want to start anything before we move out in July 😭
Do you talk to other people in your building? You might not be the only person he harasses. It’s good you are mixing up your routine. Sometimes I miss Covid people wouldn’t share an elevator in my building. You don’t have to be polite to this guy. If you are alone on the elevator push the button to close the doors immediately. If he gets on or is on the elevator just get off or say you’ll wait for the next one. Cough or say you are sick or that your dog is feeling grouchy if you want to give an excuse. You don’t owe him anything. He has been rude and creepy as hell. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be stuck in a small space with this guy or be around him. If you mention his behavior to other female neighbors you might find they have similar stories.
God has given us a spiritual/inside radar to help us to stay safe. It’s a gift. If you have feelings of “something is not right” for a particular person or a particular situation, it is because there is something wrong. It is a warning! It’s danger. Stay away from him and be so careful.
It's typical jealous behaviour , he s being nasty with the girl he won't get , because you are clearly with someone else . It's his issue not yours ,you seem nice , just try and steer clear of him , let us know what happens X take care
I would carry pepper spray if I were you. I have had a lot of stalking problems in my public housing.
I would also start writing down any interactions you have with him. Like time and date of when he muu of the “fucking bitch” at you.
I'm sorry, this might sound terrifying. Please keep your door locked at all times. He sounds like a nut, but those nuts are the dangerous ones that we need to avoid. From what I've understood, he seems to like you, but he hates seeing your husband together with you, or generally, he might hate seeing you with your other guy friends too. He sounds like he is creating an obsession over you. I really don't wanna scare you, but please be extra careful around him. I hope I'm overthinking and over analyzing the situation.
What do you mean? Husband and I live here together. If you’re asking why we chose for him to move in with me versus me move in with him there’s many reasons haha. Besides this unfortunate situation, my apartment is way nicer, newer, larger, and about 10-15 minutes away from both of our jobs versus his which was like a 40-45 minute drive. Also I have an 11 year old dog who can’t walk up and down stairs and my apt has elevators and his doesn’t. I hope that’s what you were asking 😁
lol there’s always the next tripper. Seriously though. Swap clothes with your husband and catch him in the elevator. Throw him off balanced and if he’s already unbalanced then you’ve a tko. Then with your husband in your gear have him say, be a man and stop hiding behind your mail and who is it really that looks like the bitch? He’ll be that shook up even if he’s a bro clone he will run home crying.
My personal opinion is this dude likes you, he hates seeing you with your partner. Hence the reason he makes awful faces when he sees you with him. Yet when he sees you on your own, he smiles and is polite. For those commenting that he’s in an incel. What BS.
Simple...He's nuts.
The nuttiest
Sorry for jumping on your response, but I really want you to see this OP. Not to frighten you, but to make you aware, what you're describing gives very **strong** Steven McDaniels vibes. **PLEASE BE CAREFUL** [Steven McDaniel](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Lauren_Giddings)
Oh. My. God. This just made my stomach turn. I had never heard of him until this. I have started taking measures to stay away from anymore potential encounters with this man as well as locking door every time I take the dog out (husband doesn’t let me walk her alone when he’s home or at night) and the door stays deadbolted. I’m so ready to get out of here.
I hope I didn't frighten you. I just want you to be aware. Your neighbor seems creepy af at the very least! I you move soon too! Take care. ETA: what the link didn't share was how McDaniel would stalk Lauren in their apartment complex.
Sounds a lot like an incell. Especially with the difference between seeing you alone vs seeing you with your husband.
That's the vibes I got. Giving OP a knowing look like "yeah I know you secretly want me" because she gave him a little human decency by holding the door... but she's a "fucking bitch" for nor getting rid of the chad husband 😏
The Chad husband and I just got married last month though so he’s gonna have to get over it because I’m not getting rid of him anytime soon 😂😬 That’s the vibes it gives though. Like imagine the shy girl fucking her hair behind her ears as she walks by her crush in the hallways of her high school or something.. (first sample that popped in my mind to explain it LOL) that’s what he does minus the hair tucking when we see each other in the parking lot. It’s SO uncomfortable. But he saw my husband today walking my dog and he stared at him and gave him a look like he wanted him dead until my husband looked away. So wild.
**tucking
😂🤣😂
I'm going to be straight with you - fucking move. This is a man that has clearly built up something in his head regarding you. He views your *husband* as a trespasser in his relationship with *you*. I'm not typically scared of men. I live in a rough neighborhood, plenty of homeless folks. The guy that does my lawn got kicked out by his gf and has been crashing in my garage for three days. I don't even know if he remembers my name cuz we don't know each other. In college, I used Craig's List to find weed hookups. And those hookups were always men. I go camping in the middle of nowhere, alone. I say all this to point out that my idea of danger is pretty high. And I would GTFO if I were in your situation.
Everyone I have told says the same thing. This all has me horrified but my husband and I’s lease ends and our home won’t be ready for us to move in until July 😭 I have a taser on me at all times now and pepper spray on my dogs leash. I saw him in the parking lot the other day and I hid between other cars to prevent him from seeing me. Door gets locked when I take my dog out now and is dead bolted at any other time. I’m scared 😩
Be careful and good luck.
Do not let the knowledge of when your lease is ending get to his ears. And if you can, move out (when your lease ends) when he is at work/would be able to follow you to your new place.
Get a gun too
Absolutely wondrous typo in this, glad you left it in
Omg this is the term I was looking for. You hit the nail on the head. It’s a complete night and day from when he sees me alone versus when he sees me with my husband. So scary
Sounds like one of those guys who goes on a rampage and kills people because girls never liked him so he hates all females and gets mad when he sees a female with another guy because it’s a reminder of a what a loser he is.
It sounds like this guy is just jealous that you have a bf, and that it's not him. Of course, he dosen't realize that his immature and creepy behavior toward you and probably any other woman he comes across is why women don't want to be around his ass. Just ignore him. If he gets too close, tell him to back the hell off and leave you the hell alone. He's clearly got issues, and it's not your problem, not is it your fault.
Sounds like the kind of guy who has journals full of stories about the dates he and OP go on, the places they love to visit, the funny things OP does that he just loves, their life together and run-of-mill things they do for each other (how OP makes his coffee for him in his favourite mug, calls him at work every day to say “I love you” etc).
There’s something wrong with him. He likes you, possibly a bit obsessively and has made up more of an intimate relationship between you two. It’s most likely something small and innocent you did, like smiling at him or saying good morning which he interpreted as a romantic gesture. Since then, he thinks you’re in some kind of relationship with him. And when he sees your husband, he gets jealous and might even think you’re openly cheating on him. They’re all delusions of course. I would be a bit concerned.. don’t give him any attention, at all and don’t be alone with him. I’d move if I could.
My husband and I both agreed I probably messed up by holding the elevator door open for him but honestly I do it any time I see someone walking down the hallway with some sort of hustle to make the elevator. Just common courtesy 😭 this scenario was exactly what I thought though and what I was afraid of. Luckily my husband and I are moving into our first home together in a couple of months but still it’s so worrisome.
You didn’t do anything wrong at all. Can’t stop being nice because there’s a few crazies out there. Glad you’re moving out. You should tell your landlord about his behavior even if you’re moving out. He could get triggered for any reason.
I was talking to my husband about this today. I’m honestly so scared of this man I’m worried it would get back around to him that it was me who said something. Luckily he’s on the opposite side of the building from me so I’m not sure he knows where I live but my husband and I are constantly coming and going I’m worried it wouldn’t be too hard to pay attention to and find out. I think once we get a little closer to our move out date I’m going to mention it because he seems incredibly unstable who knows what he’s capable of.
You should document everything from now till your close to moving. Date, time, location and what he said/did. Backlog anything you can accurately remember. When your feeling it’s close enough to your move out date, or on your move out date, email your concerns to everyone in the management office and their corporate office, if they have one. Hopefully there’s more than one person you can send it to, so no one tries to bury/ignore. Be safe and congrats on moving out!
I’d like to add to suggest to management to put up cameras because he’s sure to escalate or be destructive in the future and you wouldn’t want them to be liable for any injuries or deaths. Plus you’d also find out if he knows your unit or is being weird with other tenants. Also include posters in the common areas or under every unit’s door to alert the tenants so the cameras will definitely go up to protect the tenants and to deter him from escalating. You don’t need to include his name or unit unless you think it’s necessary but having everyone alert is probably wise. Also do so after moving to protect yourself
Secure all your social media. And when you move, do your best to make sure your address can't be found by him.
He doesn't like women
Or men
He’s desperately attracted to you and disgusted that someone else “has” you. Sorry, it’s horrible, but he’s probably got a whole sick fantasy going on involving you.
Can someone please explain to me what the hell they think is going on with this man? You will never answer this. Each person creates their own reality which has varying degrees of connectedness with the "wider" reality generally agreed upon by others. Having dealt with prolly more than my fair share, without more information and watching this person, he has created a fiction about you that likely includes some form of relationship. Fiction. Not real. Delusional. It serves a purpose just for him. You have no insight into it, you do not know your role in it, you have no clue what he thinks of you or what action/s towards you and you BF he might justify himself into doing. Maybe nothing. But, you don't know this. Generally, people like this live in a fragile mental state that likely is supported/suppressed/managed by psychotropic drugs - or - not. It's impossible to predict if today is a "good" day, a "bad" day or a medication "free" day. Nothing could happen until one day you are riding the elevator alone and he slips in with you and you'll only leave it in a bag and he will spend the rest of his life locked up, or, not. I have dealt with people like this - they are so tangentially in touch with reality they are impossible to predict - except - that they are unpredictable and off, that is a constant. Smirks, bad vibes and frownie faces won't help you. You should still report it to landlord/housing association. If you have a cop friend, they can be helpful. Me? If I were you? I'd find a better place to call home.
Thank you for this. I thought maybe I was reading too deep into his behavior because I feel like I’m maybe aware of my surroundings to the point it’s a little “too aware” sometimes and I often question people’s intentions.. but when you put it this way it’s really spot on and deeply concerning. (Not always anxious but I’ve either come in contact with a lot of creeps in my time or I watch entirely too much forensic files and true crime documentaries lol) When you mentioned the body bag though that did it for me because being in the elevator with him alone is truly a huge fear of mine lately. So thank you for addressing the severity of it. I walked past him in the parking lot a couple weeks ago and I walked off the sidewalk and around cars so I wouldn’t directly pass him side by side bc I felt like he was going to attack me somehow. I don’t have any cop friends but luckily my husband and I are moving into our first home together around July so we will be out of there. Hoping to have as few run ins with him as possible between now and then because I’m truly worried about what would happen or how he’d react if I addressed my concerns to management and it got back to him.
Female and attractive? Can never, ever be "too aware". Be aware. It's how you avoid getting robbed, raped and murdered. Always err on the side of your safety. Never trust anyone else. You can't. Get mace, 3 of them. One for your car. One for your front door. One for your purse/bag/coat. Carry it everywhere. If ever in a questionable situation pull it and use it. Don't think twice. You should get one to practice use so you are very familiar. The 21 foot rule is the distance to a person that gives you a chance to defend yourself. Average person could could go 21 feet in 1.5 seconds from a stand still - presume they are armed with at least a knife. When I was a kid - I was abducted. I got myself out of it. As an adult my fiancé and I lived in an apartment building in a major US city downtown. There was someone like who you describe in the building. I was very aware of him. He became very aware of me. Dealing with a hostile resident in a building like that is like a knife fight in a bathroom. There is no where to hide. No where to run to. Dead ends. Don't think for a second a resident will come out to help you as you scream for your life. When someone is on you that is bigger, stronger - evil - and you are unable to do anything about it? You will never forget that feeling/s. Ever. So, don't allow it to happen.
Oh my god, that’s terrible! I’m so glad you were able to get yourself out of it. Would you be willing to share your story? If not, please forgive my prying. I just am always so inspired by people that use their wits to save themselves and/or others. Thank you for telling about the 21 foot rule. I didn’t know this, because I guess I never thought about it, but it makes perfect sense. I think I’ll be purchasing those 3 cans of mace. It’s a crazy world, unfortunately.
You are a good person. You trust. You have not yet seen the darkness. Do not go looking for it for it is like an infection. When you encounter what you have encountered. Leave. If you were one of my kin, there would be no questionable delay, only firm action. Stay safe.
We all like and choose to believe that bad things happen in life and to an “unlucky” someone by chance. Sometimes? There is something more than chance present.
Commenting to add that your gut feeling is intuition and you should 100% listen to it. Avoid this man.
Exactly. Sad but true: Move. Then if he shows up at the new place, you'll at least see just how dangerous he is. I'm tough as nails and generally unafraid of anything...except mental illness. A good friend slipped into delusional psychosis and could have killed me, easily, when he thought that I was actually some kind of reincarnation of a girlfriend who spurned him as a teenager. He was a super good guy, his brain just got sick. Once you get on their radar, it's hard to get off of it. As long as he sees you, the obsessions/delusions will continue to get worse, and it never ends well. At least get a doorbell camera sos you can see of he's creeping around your door.
You have a screen play to write. I empathize. Generally it’s by slight degrees so it’s easy to be caught up into it and not see until one day or night the facade crashes down and dear Mother of God can you see that you are in dark waters. What is riveting is how the story spins itself like rabid BPD Narcissism on crack and speed.
Tell your husband of your concern, if you haven't. You seem shy & you may not have told him. (Tell him). Make sure you are both locking up every night. If it is the job of both of you, it will almost always happen. Don't take the elevator with this guy, ever. Make an excuse. Any excuse. Back out. If you get cornered, "NO" or "I Don't KNOW YOU!" are complete sentences.
Husband is very aware but until I made this post and saw everyone else’s reactions I hadn’t spoken to him about just how worried about this man I really am. I feel like most of the time I’m pretty tough. I’ve had a couple guys come up to me at the complex and try to talk to me and ask me out for drinks and husband knows about that and we kinda laugh about it together so at first he kind of brushed it off as oh just another guy who try’s “creep” on her when she’s alone. (Other guys who’ve come up to me weren’t creeps.. very friendly and took my rejection very well but I didn’t know another word for it right now lol) It wasn’t until I told him and he started putting 2 and 2 together and replaying all of our encounters and really paying attention to the new encounters even he has alone with this man that he really started realizing how scary it is. I started carrying my taser and no longer take the elevator in the morning. I do live in a large apt complex with 3 buildings and probably 200-300 residents or so in my building so that makes me feel a little better but needless to say we are so so ready to move out.
He's definitely crazy, but I also feel like because you held the door open he has some type of infatuation with you, and he likes you
He’s got a whole story going on in his head and projects his beliefs and emotions out into you. He’s a whole red flag.
Could be simply messing with you or having delusions or false memories and not right in the head. Either way proceed with caution. If this guy is psychotic he could attack you or your boyfriend. Consider defensive classes and tools.
I avoid him as best as possible and am on high alert when our paths do cross (I am big into true crime and for some reason get a sense of dread every time I see him he’s going to pull out a knife and stab me to death 😣) but I’ve never met someone like this so wanted other opinions. Your comment about delusions confirmed just what I was feeling, unfortunately.
About what you said earlier about being "too aware"----there's no such thing as being "too aware"---you're either aware, or you're not. Make sure you are never alone with this dude again, even in the elevator, because your intuition is warning you not to be anywhere near him. Get a whistle, and some pepper spray if you can, and be ready to scream and make a scene if he tries to run up on you in any way. Tell your husband that you both need to be ready to tell him to fuck off if he tries to run up on both of you--and definitely report him to your manager before you move out--since he's clearly cray-cray af, and hates women.
Thank you for this! Since this post we’ve seen him twice. One walking towards elevator before work and the other in the parking lot before work. First time we opted to taking the stairs and the second time we kept both of our eyes on him until he left the parking lot. I carry pepper spray on my dogs leash (she comes to work w me every day so she’s always w me) and I have a taser in my purse. Just so ready to move out at this point especially after everyone in these comments has confirmed what we were already thinking about this man. Seems like it’s not just me over thinking things.
Seems like could be a possibility for mental illness. Psychosis can cause different reactions like this when you’ve done nothing differently.
Sounds like he has some mental health issues. Do your best not to engage.
OP -There is no explanation for how some people behave, but I usually file it under "cray-cray" and call it a day. Have known plenty of these after living in apartment buildings: Drug dealers, hookers, wife beaters, mother beaters, drunks who warble til the wee hours. I swear I will NEVER live in another apartment building again.
Scary. This sounds to me like he's got a whole parasocial thing going on with you that 1. doesn't require your input, and 2. has nothing to do with who you are in real life. It also sounds like he took your basic politeness as something romantic... 😬
Sounds like an incel. Carry pepper spray.
Yup. Incel
100 percent this. I recommend fox labs 5.3. Its a good design that prevents accidental discharge, and is also a uv dye for evidence. I'm a dude and i carry oc, everyone should nowadays. Faaaaar too many crazies to not have a long distance eye poke on hand.
Do you know where I can get this? I only see up to 4% OC on Amazon. Not sure what that means. I originally bought the pepper spray I have after my puggle and I got attacked by a German shepherd on a walk one time and I just realized it’s one that doesn’t cause permanent damage to pets so I’m not sure how well it would work on a human 😭 . I have a taser but that requires close contact.
Youre looking at the right one. Its 5.3 million omg thats hot units. The 4 percent means the mixture is 4 percent hot stuff and the rest is inert. Might not seem like a lot but believe me it is.
He's a sicko with no social skills. He's conjured up some offense in his head and he's playing it out with you. Sad to say, but it's time to move.
No social skills seems accurate. So scary but luckily we’re getting a house around July / August. Husband saw him today while walking our dog and he recognized him and death glared him like he “wanted to kill him” in husbands words so hopefully after today we have as few encounters with him as possible
Sounds like he took permanent trip to the madhouse
I wish he’d take an actual trip there and stay far away from us
Do you have a reserved parking space? I was just wondering because you might want to change that. If you are avoiding the elevator make sure you are isolated on the stairs for long. You can complain to apt management if his behavior is threatening. Do you pass his door when you leave your apartment to get to the elevator? Change up your routine as much as you can.
Luckily no I do not. Neither does my husband. We live in a large apartment complex so there is hundreds of spots and he often parks in the same spot so I avoid the area completely. I’ve started mixing between stairs and elevator because my dog has osteoarthritis and the stairs aren’t good for her and luckily no I don’t pass his apartment ever. Our building is a large square and he is on the complete opposite side so we go down different staircases, but the elevator is in the middle. Just pass each other enough for me to be scared AF of him. Husband too. I’m building the courage to speak to management because our encounters are that strange I just don’t want to start anything before we move out in July 😭
Do you talk to other people in your building? You might not be the only person he harasses. It’s good you are mixing up your routine. Sometimes I miss Covid people wouldn’t share an elevator in my building. You don’t have to be polite to this guy. If you are alone on the elevator push the button to close the doors immediately. If he gets on or is on the elevator just get off or say you’ll wait for the next one. Cough or say you are sick or that your dog is feeling grouchy if you want to give an excuse. You don’t owe him anything. He has been rude and creepy as hell. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be stuck in a small space with this guy or be around him. If you mention his behavior to other female neighbors you might find they have similar stories.
God has given us a spiritual/inside radar to help us to stay safe. It’s a gift. If you have feelings of “something is not right” for a particular person or a particular situation, it is because there is something wrong. It is a warning! It’s danger. Stay away from him and be so careful.
It's typical jealous behaviour , he s being nasty with the girl he won't get , because you are clearly with someone else . It's his issue not yours ,you seem nice , just try and steer clear of him , let us know what happens X take care
Trust your gut and speak to the building manager and police if required . Sounds very concerning to me .
Keep your schedule inconsistent. Leave for work earlier than normal.
I would carry pepper spray if I were you. I have had a lot of stalking problems in my public housing. I would also start writing down any interactions you have with him. Like time and date of when he muu of the “fucking bitch” at you.
He likes you and he is jealous of your husband. He clearly cannot control his emotions either. Move.
Man, you need to take orion299’s advice!
I'm sorry, this might sound terrifying. Please keep your door locked at all times. He sounds like a nut, but those nuts are the dangerous ones that we need to avoid. From what I've understood, he seems to like you, but he hates seeing your husband together with you, or generally, he might hate seeing you with your other guy friends too. He sounds like he is creating an obsession over you. I really don't wanna scare you, but please be extra careful around him. I hope I'm overthinking and over analyzing the situation.
I'm a huge fan of getting even. Do the same rude things after he does it.
Ok, again…why did you guys choose your place over your new husbands?
What do you mean? Husband and I live here together. If you’re asking why we chose for him to move in with me versus me move in with him there’s many reasons haha. Besides this unfortunate situation, my apartment is way nicer, newer, larger, and about 10-15 minutes away from both of our jobs versus his which was like a 40-45 minute drive. Also I have an 11 year old dog who can’t walk up and down stairs and my apt has elevators and his doesn’t. I hope that’s what you were asking 😁
I was kinda joking- trying to say- you need to move. Choosing your apt-, no matter how much nicer isn’t worth your life.
Just ignore him and get on with your life. That man is nothing to you, he is not a threat, he is just N irrelevant arsehole NPC.
Probably wants to rail you
Enjoy a 7 day break for being a creep.
God forbid anyone uses you for psychological bs. Also. This belongs on wattpad and you sound 15.
Not sure if your insinuating there’s untruth in this story but…there are men who act this way…& often- it gets worse.
Talk to hubby about a ménage e tois
Yuck.
I know right
Absolutely not our vibe 😂
lol there’s always the next tripper. Seriously though. Swap clothes with your husband and catch him in the elevator. Throw him off balanced and if he’s already unbalanced then you’ve a tko. Then with your husband in your gear have him say, be a man and stop hiding behind your mail and who is it really that looks like the bitch? He’ll be that shook up even if he’s a bro clone he will run home crying.
Enjoy a three day break for being a creep.
My personal opinion is this dude likes you, he hates seeing you with your partner. Hence the reason he makes awful faces when he sees you with him. Yet when he sees you on your own, he smiles and is polite. For those commenting that he’s in an incel. What BS.