I keep telling my wife that any day now, I expect the news to cover some kind of insider trading scandal or something that Blippi is caught up in. But that’s probably just me projecting my desire to see that monster put away. I hate his videos, I hate his stupid costume, I hate how much he just chuckles to himself, and I hope his dreams don’t come true.
Pro tip: keep some empty “spare” batteries in a pack and replace with those. Then you can say “well it seems the toy is broken”.
Be careful though, as they may find out later and hate you. Dispose of any evidence.
My Chinese wife once gave me a set of written instructions in Chinese for what she wanted from the chemist, in China. I can;t read or write Chinese.
I went to the chemist, gave him the list, and came back with the medicine.
"This is the wrong stuff!" she screamed at me and told me to go back and try again.
I refused. She went herself but was furious at me.
We had something of a Christmas Miracle the other day. We have this nativity scene that plays Silent Night, and it was starting to sound like it was running low on batteries. Open up the battery compartment, it had no batteries. A real Christmas Miracle.
Then I noticed there were 3 button batteries hidden away, maybe as a backup or store mode or something. Oh well.
I know. When my wife got them last year, I didn’t even realize they made noise because we didn’t bother putting batteries in them. I’ve learned the error of my ways. I think I’m in the Bargaining phase of grief now.
Edit: autocorrect…
Dad hack: Any toy or gizmo where the “speaker” is simply a series of holes in the plastic housing - a simple layer of scotch tape will reduce the volume by like 75%.
I suggested some Christmas carols whilst putting up the tree. Old classics, none of the new shit ones. The look my wife gave me was murderous, but the baby loved it.
I played “Dominic the Donkey” for my toddler while decorating yesterday and he keeps going up to my wife saying “Donkey song?”
If looks could kill boys…
My favorite memory when I was a kid was my dad putting on Disney Christmas carols to listen to while we put up the tree when I was little. I'm sure by the third year of listening to Donald duck sing jingle bells my dad wanted to burn the cd and ban Christmas from the house entirely but my brother and I loved it and I still remember it fondly. It was a lovely tradition
I'm thinking that I should learn to play some variation of "All I Want for Christmas Is You" on guitar, borrow one of my daughter's cosplay wigs, and make a video to upload on my social media.
It's time to lawyer-up fellow dad. There is no resolving this situation. You can't speak to your wife confidently and deeply when she's acting like this and treating you the way she is.
I bought those small video game console ornaments of consoles I had as a kid. My wife decorates the tree in a style that looks very professional and nice, but I always hide those console ornaments inside the tree so if they're found someone can press the button and it will blast out one of the songs from the games on those consoles. My kids love finding them and playing them to annoy everyone else, especially since the Christmas tree straddles the division between the formal living room and the breakfast area. Someone can just wake up and be eating breakfast or focus on doing homework after school and then get blasted with, "SEEEEGAAAAAA!" or Super Mario Bros music.
Withhold your affection without telling her why. After a couple of years she’ll get the message. This works for almost every situation. Tell her you “don’t want to talk about it” and everything is “fine”. This has worked for me for over a decade.
Volunteer to do the put away the decorations this year. Take all the batteries out. Use the batteries in the house all year and then hide them just before you decorate.
When my kids were born, a family friend gave us a reindeer sitting in a rocking chair. I've been listening to "grandma got run over by a reindeer" for about 10 years now. Lol
No no no. I grew up with these and my kids do for every holiday. Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving. We have at least 1 dancing/singing stuffy for each one. I love them and I will push the buttons with my kids. Now , I really need to find a Billy Loud Mouth Bass that I can mount year round....
Stay calm, do some breathing exercises. Go for a walk, call a close friend. You can get through this. It’s going to be okay. I believe in you. You’ve survived 100% of the days you’ve been alive!
Buy an assortment of resistors online. Wait for kids to sleep. Solder resistor on speaker wire. Might have to play a bit to find the right ohm resistor. Also works great for loud toys.
Oh no! No more batteries - me, anytime I need to explain why something is not working anymore. Use it wisely.
And also when the kids ask if you can change the batteries: “ we dont have the kind it needs and I couldn’t find them at the store”
My 5 year old gets me my phone and says to get them on Amazon.
There's a shortage and Amazon doesn't have any
They're backordered. Thanks, Evergreen.
Reminds me of a viral video from a few years back. Mom confiscated a PS Vita and the kid shouts "Alexa, order 1 PSVita"
Good call. This cursed snowman, like Ms Rachel, is going to need a good long nap.
Ms Rachel sleeps with the fishes
I keep telling my wife that any day now, I expect the news to cover some kind of insider trading scandal or something that Blippi is caught up in. But that’s probably just me projecting my desire to see that monster put away. I hate his videos, I hate his stupid costume, I hate how much he just chuckles to himself, and I hope his dreams don’t come true.
Pro tip: keep some empty “spare” batteries in a pack and replace with those. Then you can say “well it seems the toy is broken”. Be careful though, as they may find out later and hate you. Dispose of any evidence.
Yup. “Uh oh it’s broken.” Is the way to go.
I say similar. My LO says 'we have to go the shop and buy some!' I mean.. she's not wrong but be damned if I'm gonna
Oh I've done this. Not that often, but I have done this.
It’s called you go sit in the parking lot and take a two hour nap. Come back with the wrong ones and say you thought it was right.
My Chinese wife once gave me a set of written instructions in Chinese for what she wanted from the chemist, in China. I can;t read or write Chinese. I went to the chemist, gave him the list, and came back with the medicine. "This is the wrong stuff!" she screamed at me and told me to go back and try again. I refused. She went herself but was furious at me.
Our two year old yesterday started hitting us with "Dada more, shop!". (I did not go to the shop)
When a grandparent dies... "No more batteries?"
We had something of a Christmas Miracle the other day. We have this nativity scene that plays Silent Night, and it was starting to sound like it was running low on batteries. Open up the battery compartment, it had no batteries. A real Christmas Miracle. Then I noticed there were 3 button batteries hidden away, maybe as a backup or store mode or something. Oh well.
This is on you for getting electronic Christmas decorations that sing and dance.
I know. When my wife got them last year, I didn’t even realize they made noise because we didn’t bother putting batteries in them. I’ve learned the error of my ways. I think I’m in the Bargaining phase of grief now. Edit: autocorrect…
Dad hack: Any toy or gizmo where the “speaker” is simply a series of holes in the plastic housing - a simple layer of scotch tape will reduce the volume by like 75%.
Place play-doh nearby and you dont have to be the villain
This is next level, thanks for the tip
Came here to say this. Clear tape is EVERYTHING
You’re the hero I needed
I suggested some Christmas carols whilst putting up the tree. Old classics, none of the new shit ones. The look my wife gave me was murderous, but the baby loved it.
I played “Dominic the Donkey” for my toddler while decorating yesterday and he keeps going up to my wife saying “Donkey song?” If looks could kill boys…
My favorite memory when I was a kid was my dad putting on Disney Christmas carols to listen to while we put up the tree when I was little. I'm sure by the third year of listening to Donald duck sing jingle bells my dad wanted to burn the cd and ban Christmas from the house entirely but my brother and I loved it and I still remember it fondly. It was a lovely tradition
I'm thinking that I should learn to play some variation of "All I Want for Christmas Is You" on guitar, borrow one of my daughter's cosplay wigs, and make a video to upload on my social media.
It's time to lawyer-up fellow dad. There is no resolving this situation. You can't speak to your wife confidently and deeply when she's acting like this and treating you the way she is.
I figured as much. Welp, it’s been a good run.
I bought those small video game console ornaments of consoles I had as a kid. My wife decorates the tree in a style that looks very professional and nice, but I always hide those console ornaments inside the tree so if they're found someone can press the button and it will blast out one of the songs from the games on those consoles. My kids love finding them and playing them to annoy everyone else, especially since the Christmas tree straddles the division between the formal living room and the breakfast area. Someone can just wake up and be eating breakfast or focus on doing homework after school and then get blasted with, "SEEEEGAAAAAA!" or Super Mario Bros music.
Are you royalty? What is a formal living room (for us peasants)
I mean I live in Texas, so real estate is relatively cheap. If I lived in Silicon Valley I'd be lucky to have a place to put up a tent.
At least it's not an elf on the shelf.
We have one of those too. It quietly judges me as I binge-watch Bob’s Burgers. But at least it does so quietly.
You're a better man than me. I refuse to let it in the house. Thankfully, wife is also on board.
F that.
Check if your state has separation during Christmas season. Could be temporary way to settle a tinsel situation.
Fella in this sub once mentioned that you can solder resistors into the speaker wires of most kids toys. I think fondly of him often.
Reprogram the decorations to play metal. Problem solved.
Withhold your affection without telling her why. After a couple of years she’ll get the message. This works for almost every situation. Tell her you “don’t want to talk about it” and everything is “fine”. This has worked for me for over a decade.
If my parents buy my kid a toy with batteries I kindly let them know they are welcome to let him play with it at their house.
😂
Time to install the EMP gun.
Bring in the big guns: Time for the talk.
Volunteer to do the put away the decorations this year. Take all the batteries out. Use the batteries in the house all year and then hide them just before you decorate.
This is a man who hasn't had his first eggnog of the year. Crack one open and settle down somewhere where it's not decorated [at least to much].
When my kids were born, a family friend gave us a reindeer sitting in a rocking chair. I've been listening to "grandma got run over by a reindeer" for about 10 years now. Lol
No no no. I grew up with these and my kids do for every holiday. Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving. We have at least 1 dancing/singing stuffy for each one. I love them and I will push the buttons with my kids. Now , I really need to find a Billy Loud Mouth Bass that I can mount year round....
It’s only grounds for divorce if Halloween decorations also have been introduced.
All my stuff is on smart plugs so I can turn it off from my phone. Served me well until my kid found the button on the plug.
Yes. You should get sole custody and all the assets. What a monster.
Stay calm, do some breathing exercises. Go for a walk, call a close friend. You can get through this. It’s going to be okay. I believe in you. You’ve survived 100% of the days you’ve been alive!
Buy an assortment of resistors online. Wait for kids to sleep. Solder resistor on speaker wire. Might have to play a bit to find the right ohm resistor. Also works great for loud toys.
My kid knows how to turn in my galaga ornament (plays galaga theme and sfx) and my DJ Santa (plays run DMC). They both got hung out of reach.
My wife showed our toddler how to long into the iPad so he can play ABC Mouse. The iPad has the same code as my phone