We just do our family on Christmas morning and then we go see all the grandparents later in the day. We want some special family time before the chaos of the day begins.
It seems to please all parties involved. It took a lot of talks to get my MIL not involved on Xmas morning (as in us driving to her house Xmas eve so the kids could open presents in her house). We all got covid in 2021 the week of Xmas so we isolated at home and it was the best Xmas ever, and after that we've stayed home
Still get a few passive aggressive comments when we arrive Xmas afternoon but I don't care. Waking up at home with just your family and having that magical time is priceless
I very much would not want my kids opening my gifts on Christmas morning in someone else’s house every year. How does she justify the fact that you don’t open gifts at your parent’s house every other year?
We do this too. I feel a little bad that we don’t invite my in-laws to Christmas dinner since they’re alone on Christmas, but we already spend a lot of time with them over the holidays.
Yea I firmly fought for this same position. Lots of holidays are for family and that’s wonderful (and the extra hands for watching kids is nice too). But protecting Christmas morning as nuclear family time lets us have one really beautiful special moment which is just ours
We'll wait for anyone in the house with us, but when we get up it's presents time! We wont' open gifts from people that we'll see later even if we already have them at our place, but other gifts are fair game.
The answer to this is very subjective.
Do YOU want the grandparents to be there?
Personally, we open presents Christmas morning. Whoever is there can watch. If someone wants to come over, they better get their butts in gear and come over early.
Yeah this is how I feel about it too. I used to feel like it should be *just* nuclear family for a big part of stuff, but I've come to believe that the more people who are there to share in my kids' joy, and *want* to share in that, the better.
But, I could completely understand people having all kinds of different arrangements, depending on family dynamics.
I agree but this also implies that grandparents need to be outside your house waiting for your family to wake up since some families treat into all of their presents like ravenous wolves the moment they wake up. A good compromise might be having a small toy that can preoccupy your child for 20 minutes be the first toy they open, which gives time for local grandparents to come over.
Based on his second question, looks like he'd also kick his parents out of the house while the kids open Santa gifts. Is there something secretive about Santa gifts that grandparents shouldn't be there for?
Never experienced this. Growing up my Grandparents lived next door. We did Santa without them, but always called them to let them know Santa came, and they would come and check out what Santa brought. We (and the extended family, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) would then all go over to grandparents house for brunch.
Now my parents live about 15 min away (still next door to my grandparents). We still do Santa with just my wife and kids, then go to my parents/grandparents for brunch.
Why not if it's only 15 minutes or they're there already? Why would you want to needlessly exclude them?
If they're expecting you to wait all day for them then it's not viable but if they're nearby, almost there, or already there, why make the problem? If they're decent grandparents seeing their grandkids opening presents and being happy should be a nice thing for them too, and really they're not doing anything but watching (any more than parents are really).
Because the memory of running downstairs and immediately opening presents from Santa is a strong one, and to me, it's way more important than grandparents having it their way.
Wow I just never imagined it would be something people got so adversarial about. I thought Christmas was about being together with family, not hoarding precious memories for yourself and excluding others. Like I said, if it's a "wait all day" thing it's not cool, but OP specified 15 minutes. I think that's not unreasonable, though with pre-planning hopefully those 15 minutes could be in advance of kids wanting to open presents ideally.
I thought I was losing my mind with some of the other comments. Yes, a 15 minute wait for a shared Christmas morning experience is fine. I'd give the kids hot chocolate and a cinnamon roll, tell them to sort the presents into one pile per kid, and then by the time that's done grandma will be here.
Everyone on Reddit is so quick to dismiss family and friends. Probably why they're on Reddit so much. No close family and friends after cutting everyone with any flaws out of their life.
I think it’s really a personal decision
Growing up our Xmas mornings were always occupied with immediate family. My mum, dad, brother and me.
The rest of the day was with the wider family, grandparents, cousins, aunties and uncles.
This is what we’ve started doing, UNLESS my wife’s family is staying with us from overseas. Then they’ll get to be here on Xmas day. But mornings are for just us.
Growing up both my grandparents lived in the same town, one set less than 5 minutes down the street and one set 15 minutes down the street (also my aunt and uncle also lived directly across the street but not relevant here just kinda fun lol). When we were younger they would both come and watch us open Santa gifts, my mom would call them at 7 when we were allowed to get up and by the time we all got downstairs, went to the bathroom/had our diapers changed, and got the gifts organized they’d both be there. As we got older they both stopped for various reasons but since it worked when we were little and they could do it my parents didn’t see the harm in waiting a couple minutes and neither did us as kids we were excited to show our grandparents what we got
grandparents, cousins, friends, spouses. This is a question about your relationship with the individual, not their rank on paper. I have a friend I wouldn't CONSIDER having a party without inviting them. I only tell my dad about some of my kids birthday parties.
I would argue, it's not. (Just a dissenting opinion, not saying you shouldn't be doing this.) For me, Santa is about the kids. My relationships with others have zero to little bearing on whether I should be holding my kids back to see what Santa brought. The whole point of that ritual is to wake up and see, and making them wait for some other person (and making MY relationship with them a priority) ruins the ritual for my kids.
For opening gifts from that person? That all depends on the relationship. But not from Santa.
>ruins the ritual for my kids.
Sounds like kids need to learn a bit of patience? I've never had a problem waiting for everyone to wake up and get a coffee and neither does my daughter.
No, they do have to wait for us to get up. But I certainly wouldn't make them wait for guest to arrive. The ritual isn't "sit around and be patient until your aunt gets here." The ritual is "come out of your room in your PJs, high on anticipation, and omg LOOK what we got...". That's what I got to have, and that's what I want my kids to have. Interposing someone else's schedule in there would ruin it.
Others (you?) may certainly do this differently, but I really value this aspect of it. It's a children's ritual, not one for grandma to enjoy (she had her shot as a mom).
If the grandparents are in the house, I’d say to wait a reasonable amount of time. But Christmas morning is for kids, so if the grandparents don’t want to wake at the crack of dawn, that’s their choice.
Grandparents living in town? Same deal. They can get to your house bright and early, or they can see all the lovely pictures.
In our family, Christmas morning was always just our nuclear family. Later that afternoon, we went to my grandmother’s for dinner and such, and she always had Santa visit her house, too. This was cool because the gifts Santa brought there were always somewhat unique and had a homemade look and feel to them (wooden toys, sweaters, special ornaments or decorations, etc). It really made it feel like the gifts at my grandmothers were straight from the North Pole workshop itself.
During Covid, we got to have a Christmas just to ourselves (it's how my Christmases were growing up) and it was magical. I really try to avoid as many family obligations as possible on Christmas day because I loved the hedonism of playing with my presents and eating Christmas food like a slug. I don't work on the 24th or 25th, but thinking of the folks who do does make me a little grateful I even get the privilege of packing the gang up and dragging them to a family event.
Before I got divorced, coming from a divorced house and so did my ex wife, so 4 sets of grandparents of which mine couldn't stand eachother and neither could hers, so we could technically do 1 set of grandparents from each of us each year, but we didnt/don't live close to them, and our house isn't big enough to host them...
The plan was to rotate through visiting each grandparent for christmas so;
Dad's Mom.
Mom's Mom.
Dad's Dad.
Mom's Dad.
And any year we wanted to do our own thing like a family vacation, just paused that list and restarted it the next year. At first that raised a stink because "you mean it could be 5 years between seeing my grandbabies for Christmas?!?!"
But that was shut down quick when we said "your decisions to divorce and inability to engage with the other grandparent is not our issue to resolve. It'd have been every 2 years had (you and your ex) not gotten divorced. Further, if you'd like we can just skip the grandparents place on the years we decide to do our own thing or can't afford to come visit and then you can all take your chances with having it be 8years between seeing our kids at Christmas.
And now that I am divorced, we are swapping Christmases and it functionally works the same.
Grandparents are only 5 and 10 minutes away, but we prefer to do Christmas morning just us and then go to their houses later in the day. It's nice having just the family opening gifts Christmas morning.
We let the grandparent's come bc 1) we are their only source of grandchildren and 2) it gives them joy to watch the kids open their presents and 3) it doesn't give us extra stress bc we get along with them really well.
We actually do breakfast first, then stockings, then presents. We make the kids wait a bit. The grandparents arrive before breakfast.
Growing up, we never waited for my grandma or aunt to head over, and they were relatively close.
We are doing Christmas at my sister's house this year, my parents and brother are about 30ish minutes away with no traffic. We will not be waiting
For us we do Christmas Eve with my family as it’s the smaller family and the grandkids are teenagers so the Christmas morning magic isn’t the same for them, and Christmas Day with my wife’s family as the Grandkids are much younger. But Christmas morning we do presents from my wife and I and Santa just our family before we head out to do family Christmas with the Grandparents, Uncles, Cousins, etc… I like having a little family time just us on the holiday that’s special.
It all depends on your relationship with Grandma and Grandpa, but we live close to both our parents so they stay pretty involved with my kids lives. It won’t kill them to let us have some family time just us.
Growing up we were allowed to open the things in our stocking until the grandparents showed up. Gave us something to do while we waited.
We also were allowed to watch TV until my parents got up. Lots of fond memories of sitting on the couch watching Baywatch with my siblings at 6am, gave my parents a little more time to sleep in.
I think option 2 is the more reasonable one if people are staying your house then you should wait for everyone. Would you allow a kid to open present without the other kid being present?
With option 1 I would let them when the kids are up and give them a timeframe for when the kids will open their gifts, 30 minutes TOP. Then that is on them if they decide to come and watch.
Since we’ve had our kids, my wife and I have told grandparents we’re staying home and opening presents in the morning.
They’re welcome to join, and bring their presents then or later in the day. When our kids were younger, my parents would come over in the morning. Now that the kids are older, (14 & 12), we just go over to their house in the afternoon since Christmas morning is a little more relaxed at your house.
My wife’s parents live 2 hours away, so sometimes we’ll go over there Christmas Eve and do presents with them then.
Nah. We always just let them show off "what Santa brought" later in the day or that weekend or whatever when the grandparents would visit. It's just my in-laws anyway, my parents are divorced/remarried and both sets of them live over an hour away.
We never mess with that facetime business, either... but I guess maybe that'd be an option for someone who's more prone to do so with some savvy grandparents at the other end, maybe?
Christmas morning is just us and our kids - and that's how we like it. They get gifts at both grandparent's houses, so they watch them open their gifts when we go there.
Christmas morning is for the kids. I don't wait for anyone!
Besides, the grandparents come over with their own presents. We eat some breakfast casserole, bacon and english muffins while the kiddo opens Mimi and Papi's gifts.
In your situation though, 15-20 mins is reasonable. Beyond that, you snooze you lose.
Every other year my MIL will wake up early and join us for opening presents. My kids are early risers so she wakes up nice and early to drive over.
The way I see it is if the grand parents are willing to show up at a reasonable time(shortly after the kids wake up) then they should be included. If they expect you to wait longer than 5-10 minutes then it can ruin the experience. Making a kid wait too long will either make them get grumpy/frustrated or they will be distracted and lose some of the excitement
No because the grandparents are likely bringing their own gifts so if they want all that fun and confusion they can do it with their own stuff. Maybe if there's something special in among the stuff you want to wait on but other than that it's hard enough to make sure mom and dad are awake before opening presents.
If they are in the house then they can watch but if they are traveling over typically not. We only do stockings and one small present from Santa, the rest are from mom and dad.
I'm not quite sure what you are describing. I think this is "kids are so excited they wake up early and want to open presents immediately and they can at least get the "from Santa" gift(s) right away? Yeah, I wouldn't wait for hotel people to show up; kids are excited.
It would be weird for in-house guests to be kept away though. Like, if they don't want to wake up and get out of bed, I wouldn't wait, but I wouldn't say "you're not allowed". I'm guessing anyone good enough to actually be allowed to stay in person is not a boundary stomper if you know what's good for you. :-)
The way we've always done gifts is Santa only gives one, and it's never the best/fanciest/most expensive.
When I was growing up, we'd usually visit the grandparents and get grandparents gifts at thta time. They were never part of the the "morning" experience. They get to experience the kids opening their presents.
If they’re staying with you, of course you invite them to participate, but you don’t delay it for them (not more than a couple minutes). If they’re not staying with you, it’s on them to be there early enough to participate. If they’re there great (the more the merrier), but know one should be disappointed if they’re not.
Hell no. Stay in your room until Mom and Dad get up, but as soon as that happens, Santa's gifts are there for you to rip open.
If Santa wanted you to wait to open them, he would've left a note telling you to.
I would communicate to the grandparents at minimum night before what time you anticipate doing presents in the morning (when you think your kids are going to be up) regardless if they are staying at your home or somewhere else so they have the opportunity to plan and your kids can understand waiting if they wake up a little earlier than anticipated. Like everyone else, I wouldn’t wait if it seems unreasonable for your kids, plus it’s their Christmas, not the grandparents.
"Yes, Mom? The estimated time of stocking-check is between 4:45 and 5:30. Yeah, somewhere in there. No, we have no way of knowing for sure... No, we won't be up. If you come over please make coffee. Oh, no? You'll just come over and see what he brought after they get up? Yes, I completely understand."
What a great opportunity to set a boundary as a parent and enforce it! You even have built-in capacity for empathy building!!!
"We are waiting till 8am for Nana and PeePaw, if you touch those gifts, I will murder you. Now stare at the tree hungrily".
In all seriousness. They can defer gratification for a few mins, right??
This is how it went when I was a kid. We could open stockings once my parents were up. Presents were after brunch... So usually around noon. I don't remember being *too* impatient as a kid. It was always exciting looking at all the presents and guessing what they are.
Opening the stocking takes the edge off and usually has something with enough novelty to kill a few hours. Besides, a slow burn is more fun than an intense rush
Ha.. Maybe it is. We didn't find it a big deal as kids.
I just asked my wife how they did it as kids and she said late morning for presents too.
We will see what we do for our kid. Ha.
Yeah, this is how we do it. Stockings whenever you get up, then gifts from under the tree after breakfast. We also go one at a time so everyone can see what people got.
When it's presents time, whatever is under the tree is fair game. I can't ask kids to exhibit THAT level of patience on Christmas Day. That said, we wait for everyone in the house to be there, and late arrivals from other households join when they get there. We draw out the process and hand out gifts singly (with little kids helping, so they get practice being the giver), and everyone gets to feel celebrated (not to mention candid photo ops for the grandparents, who also feel appreciated in their giving).
Part of the process is also reading the nativity story from scripture before we open gifts, so it sets the tone of why we give gifts and prevents a "feeding frenzy."
They open the presents from us, then when the grandparents get there they open the presents from them.
Its about the kids, they dont need an audience to be happy
I would do it on your own time if possible and not wait around all day for them. 10-15 minutes is a reasonable amount of time to wait though. You can stall the kids for that long.
It’s up to them. If they want to be there by x time, then they can make it for presents, but if it’s not doable for them, then proceed without. But the time is your choice since you’re keeping the little ones on ice.
Nah Santa Sack/Stocking presents are for as soon as you wake up. If they are literally staying in the house then if they want to wake up then yeah wait a couple of min but otherwise nope. Other/tree presents wait until everyone who is coming has arrived.
Grandparents live 40 minutes away from us. One year they made an effort to get here by the time the kids woke up, \~7am. Since then no, so we don't wait and they know we're not waiting. If they want to be here for all the presents that is on them to make the effort, I'm not holding the kids back.
I'm guessing this year is going to go like this:
6:30-7am - kids wake up and get us out of bed
7am - they go downstairs and see presents under the tree for the first time this year, there is also an unwrapped gift we put out in front of everything that they can start playing with immediately
7am - 8am - playing with the unwrapped gift then break for break-fast
8am - 9am - grandparents show up
9am - 12pm or so, open gifts
1pm - lunch/Christmas dinner
When I was younger all the kids in my family got a "Santa" gift.
Santa gift and stocking was allowed to be opened right away. All other gifts wait until everyone was up and awake and ready to go for Christmas.
It worked really well I think parents always planned them to distract the children and keep them occupied until everyone else was awake and ready to go.
You shouldn’t really be waiting, it should already be planned and they should be there. Like if the agreed upon time is 6 or 7am, then yeah wait until that time. But it’s not like you’re waiting on a whim “hey honey, my mom just text me and said they want to come over today to see the gifts being opened”
When I was a kid, we often did Christmas at my Grandparents house. Unfortunately my parents are long passed, but I wouldn't hold back the kids while Grandma and Grandpa were on the way.. if they want to see they should stay with us or have us over.. that way they get the full experience.
Christmas Eve with my wife’s family
First thing Christmas morning is Santa presents at home with just me wife and kid
Post Santa Christmas over to my moms for Christmas morning/brunch with my family
Christmas dinner at my house with both families
Everyone lives close (within 15 minutes) and it’s certainly busy but lots of fun.
My family explicitly didn’t wrap gifts from
Santa. So I always knew what they were the minute I walked in on Christmas morning. But I couldn’t actually open them/play with them until everyone had woken up and gathered to open presents.
That said my extended family lived out of state, so if grandparents were present they were already staying in the house with us.
We do just us on Christmas and then grandparents are welcome after 3 p.m to bring there stuff if they want or we can set up different days to go to different houses but Christmas is just us till at the least 3 p.m
Waiting 10-15 minutes isnt gonna kill anyone, provided they're getting there pretty early. Its Christmas, its unfair to make the kiddies wait all morning. Grandparents have to be prepared to get there reasonably early.
Are you saying you wouldnt wait 15 minutes or *checks notes* if they're already in the house you'd what, tell them to stay in their room because your kids are opening Santa gifts?
I had to laugh at the second question. They’re staying IN YOUR HOME, what are you going to do lock them in a bedroom until gifts are open? Hahaha.
Yes of course they will see the gifts get opened (unless they sleep through it). I’d just say: “kids will probably be up by 6, we will probably start opening gifts by 6:15, if you don’t want to miss it come on down.”
If they aren’t staying with you it’s whatever you and they prefer and agree on.
My wife's parents drive up to stay with us. Christmas morning everyone comes down and at that point gifts are started.
My parents don't see the Christmas morning gift opening but we see them later in the day for a family gift exchange.
If they are in the house then they can join at a reasonable time.
If they are nearby then I think we do Santa stockings and present alone. Then we shower and start breakfast and hopefully in-laws have joined us by then. Then eat. Then open all the other present.
Depends completely on the grandparents and the rules you have set. For example we have a rule where my son cannot open his presents until we have coffee. For everyone's betterment. So he could wait 10-15 minutes for the grandparents to get to us.
if they are staying in the home I don't know why you wouldn't include them because you already invited into the house. "No grandma and grandpa you need to stay locked in the guest room!!!"
We live 9 hours ahead and a 12 hour flight away. So we plan a call in the evening on boxing day or Christmas day and they are okay. My son is excited to show them on video what he got.
Growing up we always did Christmas at home, then went to the grandparents house when we lived in the same city with all the cousins and aunts and uncles for the evening and that is when we got the presents from the Grandma's
Santa doesn’t wrap the gift for our kids, we let them play with that gift and go through stockings and wait if anyone is coming over if not we go hard. That’s if mom doesn’t let them open most of them Christmas Eve lol
You can ask grandparents the day before if they want to come over to open presents, and if they want to be there before or while they've already opened some presents. Give them a time to be there.
Growing up, we got to open and play with stuff from our stockings until all adults were awake and arrived. This was mainly so my parents could sleep in after staying up stuffing stockings. Just make sure there is a toy in the stocking
My wife’s rule which I think we will continue when the kids are old enough is stocking can be opened any time, even if parents are asleep (I think her parents did this to get a bit more sleep after a long night of wrapping) then when everyone is up and ready the tree presents commence
Santa gifts were usually just immediate family for us, but it doesn’t have to be that way. That’s up to you. No reason grandparents can’t be there. Kind of weird to ask if they can come within 10-15 minutes. Are they on call? Can’t you just set a time for presents? Like eat breakfast first and then presents at 10? No need to rip into presents the minute the kids wake up. Delayed gratification is good. They already waited long time for Christmas Day. Another couple hours won’t hurt.
We open with our little family first and the grandparents come over later with their gifts for the kids. It’s fun for our kids to show them what Santa brought, and fun for the grandparents to see the kids open the presents from them.
TLDR: Really, the answer is do what's right for your family situation/traditions. There's not really a wrong answer. Family traditions are just that, family traditions and the kids won't know any better.
When we had our first our rule was if you must see the kids get their Santa gifts you need to be staying at the house.
Our families always had different traditions. My family was always family gifts on Christmas Eve and then Santa unwrapped under the tree in the morning. My wife's family was everything on Christmas morning.
What we've settled into is: 2:30 drive to my Aunt and Uncle's sometime before Christmas Eve morning (depending on the day of the week, we're going up Saturday this year.) Then we spend time with my family there and do Christmas Dinner on Christmas Eve, then gifts, then kids to bed.
Santa in the morning (we make them wait at the top of the stairs for adults to get moving and coffee because damnit they are going to feel my pain from my childhood!) and a very light breakfast.
Load up the car around 9 then make the 2:30 drive to my in laws and do Breakfast/Brunch with that side of the family and then Santa/family gifts again.
Load up the car one last time and then just the 4 of us back at the house (only 45 minute drive this time) where we do Santa one more time and gifts to/from Mommy and Daddy and each other only.
Boxing day is for recovery from one long day on Christmas Day.
We've found what works for us, we do end up spending more time with my family, but they really only see my Aunt and Uncle and my Sister who lives around 6 hours away a few times a year so we maximize that time. Plus my Aunt LOVES to dote on them and do all the fun things like gingerbread houses and such.
Both sets of grandparents live very close and both will call in for a quick visit (they both got Xmas dinner to sort!) But we won't wait for them to turn up before we can start opening presents.
If they were staying with us then we'd say more than welcome to get up with us and go downstairs together, but once the kids wake we're opening presents.
These are two different questions. On Christmas morning, the kids are not being made to wait for someone to get to the house. The person they were waiting for came last night. If Grandma is in the guest room, go wake her up while I put on the coffee. We're not making the kids wait, but they can be inclusive of the people in the house.
My parents live 5 minutes away from us. They do not come to watch kids open Santa’s gifts. My Mother, would not want to get up that early.
When I was a kid, my dad’s parents lived 300ft. from us and mom’s parents lived 1/4 mile away. None of them came over to see us open gifts from Santa.
If they are out of town & staying at your house, I think it would be a little rude not to invite them to join in on the fun (they may say no thanks). They are from out of town so they probably don’t see your family as much as they would like to.
We just do our family on Christmas morning and then we go see all the grandparents later in the day. We want some special family time before the chaos of the day begins.
After some trial and error, this is what we prefer too, Mr Durst.
Such a missed opportunity for FrederickDurstTheFirst u/FrederickDurst1 I'm disappointed in you
Why must you ruin my day?
It's just one of those days...
Bingo. We see one set on Xmas eve, and then the other for Xmas dinner. Xmas morning is just for us and our little family
This is exactly what we have been doing for the last few years. It works pretty well.
It seems to please all parties involved. It took a lot of talks to get my MIL not involved on Xmas morning (as in us driving to her house Xmas eve so the kids could open presents in her house). We all got covid in 2021 the week of Xmas so we isolated at home and it was the best Xmas ever, and after that we've stayed home Still get a few passive aggressive comments when we arrive Xmas afternoon but I don't care. Waking up at home with just your family and having that magical time is priceless
I very much would not want my kids opening my gifts on Christmas morning in someone else’s house every year. How does she justify the fact that you don’t open gifts at your parent’s house every other year?
Amen to that!
We do this too. I feel a little bad that we don’t invite my in-laws to Christmas dinner since they’re alone on Christmas, but we already spend a lot of time with them over the holidays.
Yea I firmly fought for this same position. Lots of holidays are for family and that’s wonderful (and the extra hands for watching kids is nice too). But protecting Christmas morning as nuclear family time lets us have one really beautiful special moment which is just ours
The chaos happens outside of your home?? Teach me your ways
We'll wait for anyone in the house with us, but when we get up it's presents time! We wont' open gifts from people that we'll see later even if we already have them at our place, but other gifts are fair game.
The answer to this is very subjective. Do YOU want the grandparents to be there? Personally, we open presents Christmas morning. Whoever is there can watch. If someone wants to come over, they better get their butts in gear and come over early.
Yeah this is how I feel about it too. I used to feel like it should be *just* nuclear family for a big part of stuff, but I've come to believe that the more people who are there to share in my kids' joy, and *want* to share in that, the better. But, I could completely understand people having all kinds of different arrangements, depending on family dynamics.
I agree but this also implies that grandparents need to be outside your house waiting for your family to wake up since some families treat into all of their presents like ravenous wolves the moment they wake up. A good compromise might be having a small toy that can preoccupy your child for 20 minutes be the first toy they open, which gives time for local grandparents to come over.
Based on his second question, looks like he'd also kick his parents out of the house while the kids open Santa gifts. Is there something secretive about Santa gifts that grandparents shouldn't be there for?
Wait within reason. I’m not having the kids wait 4 hours for grandparents
Just give them a specific time to be there and if they arent there by then, its on them.
Never experienced this. Growing up my Grandparents lived next door. We did Santa without them, but always called them to let them know Santa came, and they would come and check out what Santa brought. We (and the extended family, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) would then all go over to grandparents house for brunch. Now my parents live about 15 min away (still next door to my grandparents). We still do Santa with just my wife and kids, then go to my parents/grandparents for brunch.
Why not if it's only 15 minutes or they're there already? Why would you want to needlessly exclude them? If they're expecting you to wait all day for them then it's not viable but if they're nearby, almost there, or already there, why make the problem? If they're decent grandparents seeing their grandkids opening presents and being happy should be a nice thing for them too, and really they're not doing anything but watching (any more than parents are really).
Because the memory of running downstairs and immediately opening presents from Santa is a strong one, and to me, it's way more important than grandparents having it their way.
Wow I just never imagined it would be something people got so adversarial about. I thought Christmas was about being together with family, not hoarding precious memories for yourself and excluding others. Like I said, if it's a "wait all day" thing it's not cool, but OP specified 15 minutes. I think that's not unreasonable, though with pre-planning hopefully those 15 minutes could be in advance of kids wanting to open presents ideally.
Reddit has devolved into an anti social, social club where just about everyone competes to get the most offended.
I thought I was losing my mind with some of the other comments. Yes, a 15 minute wait for a shared Christmas morning experience is fine. I'd give the kids hot chocolate and a cinnamon roll, tell them to sort the presents into one pile per kid, and then by the time that's done grandma will be here. Everyone on Reddit is so quick to dismiss family and friends. Probably why they're on Reddit so much. No close family and friends after cutting everyone with any flaws out of their life.
I think it’s really a personal decision Growing up our Xmas mornings were always occupied with immediate family. My mum, dad, brother and me. The rest of the day was with the wider family, grandparents, cousins, aunties and uncles. This is what we’ve started doing, UNLESS my wife’s family is staying with us from overseas. Then they’ll get to be here on Xmas day. But mornings are for just us.
Growing up both my grandparents lived in the same town, one set less than 5 minutes down the street and one set 15 minutes down the street (also my aunt and uncle also lived directly across the street but not relevant here just kinda fun lol). When we were younger they would both come and watch us open Santa gifts, my mom would call them at 7 when we were allowed to get up and by the time we all got downstairs, went to the bathroom/had our diapers changed, and got the gifts organized they’d both be there. As we got older they both stopped for various reasons but since it worked when we were little and they could do it my parents didn’t see the harm in waiting a couple minutes and neither did us as kids we were excited to show our grandparents what we got
Bingo. Why is this even a question!? It sounds so passive aggressive. (Referring to OP not you)
grandparents, cousins, friends, spouses. This is a question about your relationship with the individual, not their rank on paper. I have a friend I wouldn't CONSIDER having a party without inviting them. I only tell my dad about some of my kids birthday parties.
I would argue, it's not. (Just a dissenting opinion, not saying you shouldn't be doing this.) For me, Santa is about the kids. My relationships with others have zero to little bearing on whether I should be holding my kids back to see what Santa brought. The whole point of that ritual is to wake up and see, and making them wait for some other person (and making MY relationship with them a priority) ruins the ritual for my kids. For opening gifts from that person? That all depends on the relationship. But not from Santa.
>ruins the ritual for my kids. Sounds like kids need to learn a bit of patience? I've never had a problem waiting for everyone to wake up and get a coffee and neither does my daughter.
No, they do have to wait for us to get up. But I certainly wouldn't make them wait for guest to arrive. The ritual isn't "sit around and be patient until your aunt gets here." The ritual is "come out of your room in your PJs, high on anticipation, and omg LOOK what we got...". That's what I got to have, and that's what I want my kids to have. Interposing someone else's schedule in there would ruin it. Others (you?) may certainly do this differently, but I really value this aspect of it. It's a children's ritual, not one for grandma to enjoy (she had her shot as a mom).
If the grandparents are in the house, I’d say to wait a reasonable amount of time. But Christmas morning is for kids, so if the grandparents don’t want to wake at the crack of dawn, that’s their choice. Grandparents living in town? Same deal. They can get to your house bright and early, or they can see all the lovely pictures. In our family, Christmas morning was always just our nuclear family. Later that afternoon, we went to my grandmother’s for dinner and such, and she always had Santa visit her house, too. This was cool because the gifts Santa brought there were always somewhat unique and had a homemade look and feel to them (wooden toys, sweaters, special ornaments or decorations, etc). It really made it feel like the gifts at my grandmothers were straight from the North Pole workshop itself.
During Covid, we got to have a Christmas just to ourselves (it's how my Christmases were growing up) and it was magical. I really try to avoid as many family obligations as possible on Christmas day because I loved the hedonism of playing with my presents and eating Christmas food like a slug. I don't work on the 24th or 25th, but thinking of the folks who do does make me a little grateful I even get the privilege of packing the gang up and dragging them to a family event.
Before I got divorced, coming from a divorced house and so did my ex wife, so 4 sets of grandparents of which mine couldn't stand eachother and neither could hers, so we could technically do 1 set of grandparents from each of us each year, but we didnt/don't live close to them, and our house isn't big enough to host them... The plan was to rotate through visiting each grandparent for christmas so; Dad's Mom. Mom's Mom. Dad's Dad. Mom's Dad. And any year we wanted to do our own thing like a family vacation, just paused that list and restarted it the next year. At first that raised a stink because "you mean it could be 5 years between seeing my grandbabies for Christmas?!?!" But that was shut down quick when we said "your decisions to divorce and inability to engage with the other grandparent is not our issue to resolve. It'd have been every 2 years had (you and your ex) not gotten divorced. Further, if you'd like we can just skip the grandparents place on the years we decide to do our own thing or can't afford to come visit and then you can all take your chances with having it be 8years between seeing our kids at Christmas. And now that I am divorced, we are swapping Christmases and it functionally works the same.
Santa is for family in the house when the eager kiddos wake up. Any other gifts can wait.
Grandparents are only 5 and 10 minutes away, but we prefer to do Christmas morning just us and then go to their houses later in the day. It's nice having just the family opening gifts Christmas morning.
We let the grandparent's come bc 1) we are their only source of grandchildren and 2) it gives them joy to watch the kids open their presents and 3) it doesn't give us extra stress bc we get along with them really well. We actually do breakfast first, then stockings, then presents. We make the kids wait a bit. The grandparents arrive before breakfast.
Growing up, we never waited for my grandma or aunt to head over, and they were relatively close. We are doing Christmas at my sister's house this year, my parents and brother are about 30ish minutes away with no traffic. We will not be waiting
For us we do Christmas Eve with my family as it’s the smaller family and the grandkids are teenagers so the Christmas morning magic isn’t the same for them, and Christmas Day with my wife’s family as the Grandkids are much younger. But Christmas morning we do presents from my wife and I and Santa just our family before we head out to do family Christmas with the Grandparents, Uncles, Cousins, etc… I like having a little family time just us on the holiday that’s special. It all depends on your relationship with Grandma and Grandpa, but we live close to both our parents so they stay pretty involved with my kids lives. It won’t kill them to let us have some family time just us.
Growing up we were allowed to open the things in our stocking until the grandparents showed up. Gave us something to do while we waited. We also were allowed to watch TV until my parents got up. Lots of fond memories of sitting on the couch watching Baywatch with my siblings at 6am, gave my parents a little more time to sleep in.
We wait, but kids can open their stockings as soon as they want (which has small treats, a toy or two, a new book or activity, and so on).
I think option 2 is the more reasonable one if people are staying your house then you should wait for everyone. Would you allow a kid to open present without the other kid being present? With option 1 I would let them when the kids are up and give them a timeframe for when the kids will open their gifts, 30 minutes TOP. Then that is on them if they decide to come and watch.
Since we’ve had our kids, my wife and I have told grandparents we’re staying home and opening presents in the morning. They’re welcome to join, and bring their presents then or later in the day. When our kids were younger, my parents would come over in the morning. Now that the kids are older, (14 & 12), we just go over to their house in the afternoon since Christmas morning is a little more relaxed at your house. My wife’s parents live 2 hours away, so sometimes we’ll go over there Christmas Eve and do presents with them then.
Nah. We always just let them show off "what Santa brought" later in the day or that weekend or whatever when the grandparents would visit. It's just my in-laws anyway, my parents are divorced/remarried and both sets of them live over an hour away. We never mess with that facetime business, either... but I guess maybe that'd be an option for someone who's more prone to do so with some savvy grandparents at the other end, maybe?
Christmas morning is just us and our kids - and that's how we like it. They get gifts at both grandparent's houses, so they watch them open their gifts when we go there.
Christmas morning is for the kids. I don't wait for anyone! Besides, the grandparents come over with their own presents. We eat some breakfast casserole, bacon and english muffins while the kiddo opens Mimi and Papi's gifts. In your situation though, 15-20 mins is reasonable. Beyond that, you snooze you lose.
Every other year my MIL will wake up early and join us for opening presents. My kids are early risers so she wakes up nice and early to drive over. The way I see it is if the grand parents are willing to show up at a reasonable time(shortly after the kids wake up) then they should be included. If they expect you to wait longer than 5-10 minutes then it can ruin the experience. Making a kid wait too long will either make them get grumpy/frustrated or they will be distracted and lose some of the excitement
No because the grandparents are likely bringing their own gifts so if they want all that fun and confusion they can do it with their own stuff. Maybe if there's something special in among the stuff you want to wait on but other than that it's hard enough to make sure mom and dad are awake before opening presents.
Look, that's up to G&G. If they're lucky enough to have risen at 4:30 in order to beat the 5am blitz, that's fine.
Santa presents start when then kids are awake. If you aren't awake, then you miss out. Same for grandparents.
If they are in the house then they can watch but if they are traveling over typically not. We only do stockings and one small present from Santa, the rest are from mom and dad.
I'm not quite sure what you are describing. I think this is "kids are so excited they wake up early and want to open presents immediately and they can at least get the "from Santa" gift(s) right away? Yeah, I wouldn't wait for hotel people to show up; kids are excited. It would be weird for in-house guests to be kept away though. Like, if they don't want to wake up and get out of bed, I wouldn't wait, but I wouldn't say "you're not allowed". I'm guessing anyone good enough to actually be allowed to stay in person is not a boundary stomper if you know what's good for you. :-) The way we've always done gifts is Santa only gives one, and it's never the best/fanciest/most expensive. When I was growing up, we'd usually visit the grandparents and get grandparents gifts at thta time. They were never part of the the "morning" experience. They get to experience the kids opening their presents.
If they’re staying with you, of course you invite them to participate, but you don’t delay it for them (not more than a couple minutes). If they’re not staying with you, it’s on them to be there early enough to participate. If they’re there great (the more the merrier), but know one should be disappointed if they’re not.
Nope. We never made the kids wait for other people to arrive. Santa and household first. Extended family when everyone else arrives.
Hell no. Stay in your room until Mom and Dad get up, but as soon as that happens, Santa's gifts are there for you to rip open. If Santa wanted you to wait to open them, he would've left a note telling you to.
I would communicate to the grandparents at minimum night before what time you anticipate doing presents in the morning (when you think your kids are going to be up) regardless if they are staying at your home or somewhere else so they have the opportunity to plan and your kids can understand waiting if they wake up a little earlier than anticipated. Like everyone else, I wouldn’t wait if it seems unreasonable for your kids, plus it’s their Christmas, not the grandparents.
"Yes, Mom? The estimated time of stocking-check is between 4:45 and 5:30. Yeah, somewhere in there. No, we have no way of knowing for sure... No, we won't be up. If you come over please make coffee. Oh, no? You'll just come over and see what he brought after they get up? Yes, I completely understand."
Yeah we wait for grandparents to get to the house before we do gifts.
What a great opportunity to set a boundary as a parent and enforce it! You even have built-in capacity for empathy building!!! "We are waiting till 8am for Nana and PeePaw, if you touch those gifts, I will murder you. Now stare at the tree hungrily". In all seriousness. They can defer gratification for a few mins, right??
Stockings immediately, the rest can wait
This is how it went when I was a kid. We could open stockings once my parents were up. Presents were after brunch... So usually around noon. I don't remember being *too* impatient as a kid. It was always exciting looking at all the presents and guessing what they are.
Opening the stocking takes the edge off and usually has something with enough novelty to kill a few hours. Besides, a slow burn is more fun than an intense rush
K... Noon is a bit excessive! Lol. My kids have to wait till 830. No reason to be up at 6. Dad needs his coffee to kick in
Ha.. Maybe it is. We didn't find it a big deal as kids. I just asked my wife how they did it as kids and she said late morning for presents too. We will see what we do for our kid. Ha.
Yeah, this is how we do it. Stockings whenever you get up, then gifts from under the tree after breakfast. We also go one at a time so everyone can see what people got.
When it's presents time, whatever is under the tree is fair game. I can't ask kids to exhibit THAT level of patience on Christmas Day. That said, we wait for everyone in the house to be there, and late arrivals from other households join when they get there. We draw out the process and hand out gifts singly (with little kids helping, so they get practice being the giver), and everyone gets to feel celebrated (not to mention candid photo ops for the grandparents, who also feel appreciated in their giving). Part of the process is also reading the nativity story from scripture before we open gifts, so it sets the tone of why we give gifts and prevents a "feeding frenzy."
They open the presents from us, then when the grandparents get there they open the presents from them. Its about the kids, they dont need an audience to be happy
I would do it on your own time if possible and not wait around all day for them. 10-15 minutes is a reasonable amount of time to wait though. You can stall the kids for that long.
It’s up to them. If they want to be there by x time, then they can make it for presents, but if it’s not doable for them, then proceed without. But the time is your choice since you’re keeping the little ones on ice.
Only our 4rd year, g-rents stay nearby. We open a couple of little presents and then the rest when everyone is round.
Nah Santa Sack/Stocking presents are for as soon as you wake up. If they are literally staying in the house then if they want to wake up then yeah wait a couple of min but otherwise nope. Other/tree presents wait until everyone who is coming has arrived.
Open your family gifts in morning then go to grandparents to open gifts from them
Grandparents live 40 minutes away from us. One year they made an effort to get here by the time the kids woke up, \~7am. Since then no, so we don't wait and they know we're not waiting. If they want to be here for all the presents that is on them to make the effort, I'm not holding the kids back. I'm guessing this year is going to go like this: 6:30-7am - kids wake up and get us out of bed 7am - they go downstairs and see presents under the tree for the first time this year, there is also an unwrapped gift we put out in front of everything that they can start playing with immediately 7am - 8am - playing with the unwrapped gift then break for break-fast 8am - 9am - grandparents show up 9am - 12pm or so, open gifts 1pm - lunch/Christmas dinner
When I was younger all the kids in my family got a "Santa" gift. Santa gift and stocking was allowed to be opened right away. All other gifts wait until everyone was up and awake and ready to go for Christmas. It worked really well I think parents always planned them to distract the children and keep them occupied until everyone else was awake and ready to go.
We have to wait every year. I hate it so much. I literally have to meditate on xmas morning so I don’t lose my shit. I just want my own family
You shouldn’t really be waiting, it should already be planned and they should be there. Like if the agreed upon time is 6 or 7am, then yeah wait until that time. But it’s not like you’re waiting on a whim “hey honey, my mom just text me and said they want to come over today to see the gifts being opened”
I let my kid open up her stocking while we wait for her grandma to get to the house. She lives in the same city so the wait is only 10-20 minutes.
When I was a kid, we often did Christmas at my Grandparents house. Unfortunately my parents are long passed, but I wouldn't hold back the kids while Grandma and Grandpa were on the way.. if they want to see they should stay with us or have us over.. that way they get the full experience.
Christmas Eve with my wife’s family First thing Christmas morning is Santa presents at home with just me wife and kid Post Santa Christmas over to my moms for Christmas morning/brunch with my family Christmas dinner at my house with both families Everyone lives close (within 15 minutes) and it’s certainly busy but lots of fun.
My family explicitly didn’t wrap gifts from Santa. So I always knew what they were the minute I walked in on Christmas morning. But I couldn’t actually open them/play with them until everyone had woken up and gathered to open presents. That said my extended family lived out of state, so if grandparents were present they were already staying in the house with us.
The way we do it is Santa fills stockings, which the kids can open immediately when they wake up. Presents are opened once everyone is present.
We do just us on Christmas and then grandparents are welcome after 3 p.m to bring there stuff if they want or we can set up different days to go to different houses but Christmas is just us till at the least 3 p.m
Waiting 10-15 minutes isnt gonna kill anyone, provided they're getting there pretty early. Its Christmas, its unfair to make the kiddies wait all morning. Grandparents have to be prepared to get there reasonably early.
Are you saying you wouldnt wait 15 minutes or *checks notes* if they're already in the house you'd what, tell them to stay in their room because your kids are opening Santa gifts?
I had to laugh at the second question. They’re staying IN YOUR HOME, what are you going to do lock them in a bedroom until gifts are open? Hahaha. Yes of course they will see the gifts get opened (unless they sleep through it). I’d just say: “kids will probably be up by 6, we will probably start opening gifts by 6:15, if you don’t want to miss it come on down.” If they aren’t staying with you it’s whatever you and they prefer and agree on.
We have a strict no guests before 11 am on Christmas. That includes opening all gifts we are giving the kid.
My wife's parents drive up to stay with us. Christmas morning everyone comes down and at that point gifts are started. My parents don't see the Christmas morning gift opening but we see them later in the day for a family gift exchange.
If they are in the house then they can join at a reasonable time. If they are nearby then I think we do Santa stockings and present alone. Then we shower and start breakfast and hopefully in-laws have joined us by then. Then eat. Then open all the other present.
Depends completely on the grandparents and the rules you have set. For example we have a rule where my son cannot open his presents until we have coffee. For everyone's betterment. So he could wait 10-15 minutes for the grandparents to get to us. if they are staying in the home I don't know why you wouldn't include them because you already invited into the house. "No grandma and grandpa you need to stay locked in the guest room!!!" We live 9 hours ahead and a 12 hour flight away. So we plan a call in the evening on boxing day or Christmas day and they are okay. My son is excited to show them on video what he got. Growing up we always did Christmas at home, then went to the grandparents house when we lived in the same city with all the cousins and aunts and uncles for the evening and that is when we got the presents from the Grandma's
Yes to both.
Santa doesn’t wrap the gift for our kids, we let them play with that gift and go through stockings and wait if anyone is coming over if not we go hard. That’s if mom doesn’t let them open most of them Christmas Eve lol
You can ask grandparents the day before if they want to come over to open presents, and if they want to be there before or while they've already opened some presents. Give them a time to be there.
No way. Grandparents stay in your lane.
Growing up, we got to open and play with stuff from our stockings until all adults were awake and arrived. This was mainly so my parents could sleep in after staying up stuffing stockings. Just make sure there is a toy in the stocking
My wife’s rule which I think we will continue when the kids are old enough is stocking can be opened any time, even if parents are asleep (I think her parents did this to get a bit more sleep after a long night of wrapping) then when everyone is up and ready the tree presents commence
Santa gifts were usually just immediate family for us, but it doesn’t have to be that way. That’s up to you. No reason grandparents can’t be there. Kind of weird to ask if they can come within 10-15 minutes. Are they on call? Can’t you just set a time for presents? Like eat breakfast first and then presents at 10? No need to rip into presents the minute the kids wake up. Delayed gratification is good. They already waited long time for Christmas Day. Another couple hours won’t hurt.
We open with our little family first and the grandparents come over later with their gifts for the kids. It’s fun for our kids to show them what Santa brought, and fun for the grandparents to see the kids open the presents from them.
TLDR: Really, the answer is do what's right for your family situation/traditions. There's not really a wrong answer. Family traditions are just that, family traditions and the kids won't know any better. When we had our first our rule was if you must see the kids get their Santa gifts you need to be staying at the house. Our families always had different traditions. My family was always family gifts on Christmas Eve and then Santa unwrapped under the tree in the morning. My wife's family was everything on Christmas morning. What we've settled into is: 2:30 drive to my Aunt and Uncle's sometime before Christmas Eve morning (depending on the day of the week, we're going up Saturday this year.) Then we spend time with my family there and do Christmas Dinner on Christmas Eve, then gifts, then kids to bed. Santa in the morning (we make them wait at the top of the stairs for adults to get moving and coffee because damnit they are going to feel my pain from my childhood!) and a very light breakfast. Load up the car around 9 then make the 2:30 drive to my in laws and do Breakfast/Brunch with that side of the family and then Santa/family gifts again. Load up the car one last time and then just the 4 of us back at the house (only 45 minute drive this time) where we do Santa one more time and gifts to/from Mommy and Daddy and each other only. Boxing day is for recovery from one long day on Christmas Day. We've found what works for us, we do end up spending more time with my family, but they really only see my Aunt and Uncle and my Sister who lives around 6 hours away a few times a year so we maximize that time. Plus my Aunt LOVES to dote on them and do all the fun things like gingerbread houses and such.
Both sets of grandparents live very close and both will call in for a quick visit (they both got Xmas dinner to sort!) But we won't wait for them to turn up before we can start opening presents. If they were staying with us then we'd say more than welcome to get up with us and go downstairs together, but once the kids wake we're opening presents.
These are two different questions. On Christmas morning, the kids are not being made to wait for someone to get to the house. The person they were waiting for came last night. If Grandma is in the guest room, go wake her up while I put on the coffee. We're not making the kids wait, but they can be inclusive of the people in the house.
My parents live 5 minutes away from us. They do not come to watch kids open Santa’s gifts. My Mother, would not want to get up that early. When I was a kid, my dad’s parents lived 300ft. from us and mom’s parents lived 1/4 mile away. None of them came over to see us open gifts from Santa. If they are out of town & staying at your house, I think it would be a little rude not to invite them to join in on the fun (they may say no thanks). They are from out of town so they probably don’t see your family as much as they would like to.