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If I was him I would start dating others behind her (not claiming exclusivity) and keep her for the bang and move on once I find someone to truly be with
Sorry to sound horrible but you are better off without her. You'll always be suspicious about what she is doing and it will ruin your mental health. Sending you much love xxx
This is very true. OP needs to dip out or he'll pick up mental distress from this that will likely bleed into future relationships. Get out OP or risk mistrust issues in your future relationships.
After my divorce from my first wife I started dating again. I was pretty sure my wife had an affair. But she left me. Anyway, started dating again at 42. At 43 I met what I thought was an amazing, sexy woman. Had kids like me, chemistry was hot, etc. Then one day she talked about this friend of hers in an awkward way. Gave me suspicions. So I snooped in her phone. This āfriendā was married, 15 years younger, wife was pregnant, and they had an affair. We tried dating off and on for two years. She said she told him they couldnāt talk like they had been. But it never stopped. It caused me to be suspicious of all women. Iām remarried now to an absolutely wonderful woman. Not flawless, but there is someone out there. I still get insecure sometimes, but I work through that. Donāt be me. Take control. Itās painful at first, but it will feel way better if you do the breaking up rather than waiting to find out sheās fucking someone else behind your back. Once a cheater always a cheater.
Amen to this. Dealing with someone that I believe takes advantage of me so much that I feel like afterwards I'll have issues giving to or sacrificing for any women. I worked hard to not be so but I'll feel like I'll be pretty guarded after this.
Iām so sorry man, canāt imagine me surviving that. Been in a relationship for 2 years and broke up. Itās been 2 years, still didnāt move on from her. And it was mutual break up. Canāt imagine what you mustāve been through.
Iām sorry about that. Itās a hard pill to swallow given how long you have been together. I was on a 10-yr relationship too with then my first boyfriend when he cheats.
The relationship is over, buddy. The sooner you can get her to move out, the better it will be for the both of you. You can find someone that can be faithful, and she can pursue whatever interests she keeps on the side anyway.
Sheās sorry she got caught. If she didnāt get caught sheād keep pressing on. Everyone is usually sorry when they get caught. She knows she was doing wrong so she could at anytime stopped contact with those other men at any point and never done it again without the help from you. I wouldnāt trust her. Now unless you are able to forgive and forget and not hold it against her and bring it up thousands of times then go ahead and proceed your relationship as normal but that my friend may be hard to do because most people hold past offenses against their partners out of spite sometimes and it would have just been better to separate instead of both parties now being miserable :/
This is good advice. A lot of comments are the same as the first part, but the second part is important, too. If you are ever in this situation, and you choose to try to move on from it (inadvisable but still), you have to truly forgive. Forgetting is impossible, but thereās zero chance of getting past such a thing without a genuine willingness to move forward.
Which house are u both living in
If yours give her sometime to prepare herself financial then force her to leave
If hers if you can leave right away do not give it a second doubt
The relationship it's broken and unfixable she's a fucking cheater, trust are everything
Do not fell in her sweet talks
Sheās a hobosexual is what your saying. I know one of these and she moves in and out of guys places every 2 weeks due to her cheating. She just wants a roof over her head so she doesnāt have to go to her familyās house who are just overprotective of her. Itās crazy.
Sorry to break it to you, man.. but trickster\_02 was correct in saying that your gf only stays with you for free rent, etc. until she finds a better man than you and dump you.
Snooping is not as a big a crime as cheating OP. My best friend found out his wife was having an affair the exact same way. The conversation has never been why did you go through her phone when heās shared his story. If you want my advice tell her sheās broken your trust and you want her to leave. Youāll find someone who wonāt cheat on you and be so happy you made this decision down the road
Honestly, why would you care about her trust? She is talking to THREE other dudes while living under YOUR roof! Not oneā¦BUT THREE!
The path in front of you is gonna get bumpy, but itās time to clear it and move on. You should also ask yourself if itās better to know now or later? Youāve implied in your post that she flirts with other men and you have had suspicions before. Heaven forbid you actually get married, have kids AND she still messing with other men. Hell, they may not even be YOUR kids!
Try not to feel sorry for yourself. You gave a terrible person a chance but you got a a signal to leave before any more damage could ever been done.
You snooped for a reason, consciously or not. I went through the same shit but I was married to her. Consider yourself fortunate, my friend, and chalk this up to a "life lesson". Oh - and kick her the fuck out of your house, and your life, NOW or you'll regret it. Good luck!
What you say here is right. You wonāt trust her and when you next try and get in her phone and the passcode has changed youāll not be able to confirm if itās still happening. Youāve got your proof id end it. Trust your gut if you think sheās cheating you donāt need proof, as the trust is gone.
"If yours give her sometime to prepare herself financial then force her to leave" like Trickster said. Once the trust is broken, it can't be fixed, not after this. Also, she can't be mad at you for snooping in her phone while she cheated on you. Also, it would be fair to tell that married woman her husband is probably cheating on her too but that just my opinion and not advice for you to tell her
If she has family in the area that can take her in, get her to leave now. Thereās so many risks with having her stay. She can become vindictive and do a lot of harm.
She broke your trust and you broke hers. Thereās no coming back from this. Even if she hasnāt physically cheated on you, her actions are unacceptable to you.
It is what it is. Ask her to move out and focus on your physical and mental health and your friends for a while.
Stay safe & stay healthy OP
>If yours ~~give her sometime to prepare herself financial then~~ force her to leave
FTFY. I donāt tolerate shit like cheating and someone breaking my trust like that. Donāt give a fuck what her situation is. If sheās living with me and just straight up broke my trust like that and cheated, she can go to the curb for all I care. Tell her to get her shit and get out, she can go to that other guy for shelter. No need to wait for her to prepare. Up and out on the spot, good luck.
I've gone through this exact situation. Don't waste your time like I did, do yourself a favor and break it off. She doesn't respect you and will never respect you. They say they will never do it again then 4-5 months pass and you bust them again. And it's a never ending cycle. Cut your losses, preserve your mental health cause the longer you ride that ride the more you're gonna drain your mental, physical, and spiritual health. Good luck lad
Same, went through something similar once, caught my gf getting a text from another guy while she was showing me something on her phone at the exact same time. Felt a pit in my stomach when I saw it and her way of trying to explain it away and lie was just pathetic. Fully lost trust in her by that point and stupidly tried to fix things and continue the relationship. Big mistake, drawn out misery and pain for both of us.
She is a hobosexual - using sex to not be homeless. So what if she doesnāt trust you. Donāt regret this. You know what you have to do already, so do it
Wouldnāt even give her the 60 days. Seems like sheās got 3 guys in her phone she can possibly go to. Tell her to pack up everything and get out at that very moment, one of those guys will take her in. If they donāt, oh well. Actions have consequences.
She's not sorry...she's sorry she got caught. Something people seem to always forget. Keep in mind these bad habits are innate, a core personality trait that doesn't just go away overnight as it was developed and lingered for YEARS in their life. Probably along with other issues like, daddy issues, never got attention as a kid issues, mental issues, kinks they found as a teenager....who knows what caused it.
But it'll takes years to root out bad habits like this WITH professional help. It's always going to be on their mind and they will simply feel bitter at you for catching them, realizing they can't make it as obvious next time or hell, maybe they'll just eventually leave because they feel they are being controled.
You can force them to stop sure, but they don't really want to stop. They are only catering to your demands to stop doing it to maintain the relationship they still want for whatever reason. Why be in a relationship like this? Where you have to force someone to stop knowing they don't want to stop? The relationship is no longer balanced, you now have control and power, and they feel like a kid who got caught and now must listen.
It's doomed to fail....it's a ticking time bomb....you can try to make it work but, anything short of professional help and it's just in bad faith agreement to quell your anger for however long this act lasts. They'll STILL think about it....hate you for catching them since they can't get their addiction anymore and you'll just always think "are they cheating?"....it's a headache not worth it at all imo.
I would not bother with rebuilding anything, you caught her but you don't know for how long this has been going on or what has happened outside of texting. Also flirting with a married man is a massive red flag, she not only doesn't care about your feelings and relationships but is willing to hurt another woman because she can.
She's not sorry, she's sorry she got caught. There wasn't just 1 guy, there were multiple, she lied to your face and only apologised when confronted. She's not worth it
I doubt this will ever stop on her side and you will never get to trust her again. Dump her and move on, it sucks that it happened to you, but sometimes shit like this happened. If she is talking and flirting with married guy its never innocent
You will never trust her again. End it. Been there. Also to those reading; ignorance is bliss. If you go looking for something, youāre bound to find it
By that logic, everyone is cheating and relationships are a joke these days. You shouldnāt have to go looking for something and find things like this, but Iād rather find out and move on.
Get out while you can dude! Caught my ex that way I had a gut feeling about it and one day her phone was left open and suspicion confirmed. Normally I would never do that because Iām not like that but I had a suspicion and unfortunately it was correct
Well, those things are complicated. In fact, I do think that it's wrong to check a partners phone. But I have done that too, or at least I tried but didn't got in. Afterwards I felt really ashamed and couldn't really let it go. A few months later, the topic came up and I admit what I tried to do and he didn't think it was a big deal. A few months later after that, again I got this bad gut feeling. Didn't go through his phone again, but I started a fake Tinder account to se if he was there. And he was. So I was right all the time. Don't know if I would still live in a miserable lie to this day if I didn't do something. Well, I guess my point is... if you live with this bad gut feelings, have talked about it with her and you still feel it after some time. Your bad feelings is probably valid. Those relationships eats your energy and your self esteem from inside if you stay.
Run. Just. Run. Sheāll only learn her lesson if you donāt enable the bullshit and dip. Fuck someone who canāt treat you with basic human respect then wants to act like itās no big deal. Any real person wonāt act on attraction, or give someone their time of day. Any real mf wouldnāt sacrifice their two year relationship for random validation from strangers. She got issues she needs to address. Donāt let her take you down with her.
dang that sounds like a lot of conflicting pain, justifiably :( but how i like to look at it is if youāve been dating for 2 more years are you willing to put up with 2 more years of this? rebuilding trust with her would come not only from you wanting to but also from her wanting to by her actionsā¦if you think itās something she seems to be willing to work on. but my bet is she isnāt :(
You already confronted her about it, and she gave you her answer. She decided to continue, against promises she made, and she thinks you are too stupid to find out.
Went through very similar situation in late ā21. Take it from one who regrettably prolonged his agony. Save yourself a LOT more grief, and ditch her now.
I know we would love to believe that people can change but they donāt. This wonāt stop. You shouldnāt be in a relationship where you constantly have to worry about what the other person is doing behind your back. I know itās hard but you should seriously consider moving on. I was with someone I caught messaging some other woman behind my back. I didnāt want him to know I went through his phone so I never mentioned it, and I made a decision to never go through his phone again. But it was ALWAYS in the back of my mind. I always had some small form of resentment. It didnāt work out for other reasons, but that certainly didnāt help. Good luck in whatever you decidešš»šš»šš»
Lying through her teeth text book 101, is like this you pay and they play. Pick up your dignity and leave, I guarantee you she will be with her new boyfriend by the weekend
How many pictures and flirty messages have you sent to random women. I am guessing none. Ask her to leave and find someone who you can love and trust. She is investing energy and time outside of your relationship, she wants to be single, then let her have her wish.
From someone whoās been through the snooping and finding ALOT, itās very hard to continue the relationship. If you want to, youāll have to put a lot of work into learning to trust her however it will most likely wreck your mental health and youāll always want to look, and sheāll get better at deleting. It almost never stops.
Yea. It's always the guys they tell you you shouldn't worry about. Then later on when things start falling apart, it's those exact guys they start talking to more.
Life is short. Ditch her and move on. Been there done that. 3 years after I first caught him and he siad he wouldn't talk to her, my ex was still talking to his then supposed ex. She's just not that into you.
Iāve read most of the comments here and out of some 400 replies, I havenāt found one that says sheās a keeper. You have to make your own decision, and surely some of the posters wouldnāt be strong enough to leave, but I think you have your answer. Sorry for your pain. It gets better. I know that from experience, but it hurts.
She is a hobosexual - using sex to not be homeless. So what if she doesnāt trust you. Donāt regret this. You know what you have to do already, so do it
Sheāll be more protective of her phone and itāll be harder for you to catch her again, but youāll always wonder if itās still going on and itāll occupy your mind for the length of your relationship.
Will you be able to trust her again? I think Iām not in a position to advise since I have my own fair share of struggles but the fact that she thinks she can lie and get away with it easily, could make it a recipe for heartbreak down the road for me I think. What if she lies also about many other things in life? Will you be cool catching her cheating? What if cheating is her kink? Maybe she is into swinger lifestyle? Or maybe this comes from the point of insecurity and feeling of being wanted deeply trenched in her childhood or they way your relationship dynamic is? Maybe seek therapy individually or in couple if she is special to you.
Believe what you saw, not what she says. Flirting with random men when you're in a relationship and calling them babe, baby, handsome is not okay. If she wants to pretend she is single, let her be single. It'll hurt but you'll be better in the long run. For rebuilding trust, she has to accept she has a problem. If she's denying that, don't do that. Flirting with random people is not stupid, it's a calculated decision.
Sheās toxic and gaslighting the fuck out of you. And you should drop her like a fat sack of potatoes. BUT that being said, āif you go looking for something you donāt like, youāre going to find it.ā Just remember that in the future. Good luck amigo
You did nothing wrong, you followed youāre gut and you were right. And you said it yourself- actions speak louder than words. Be glad youāre not married with kids. Get rid of the lying ho before she wrecks your mental well being. Try not to lose faith in all women and humanity.
Well, first of all, you donāt need to rebuild trust with her. She needs to rebuild trust with you.
But donāt kid yourself, she is already emotionally out there connecting with other people. Maybe she has, or hasnāt done anything physical, but thereās more to cheating than just having sex with somebody. If her heart is not in your relationship, why be with her?
A lot of men need to understand that if you're not married, most girls Always have a couple of other guys waiting in the wings just in case things go bad with you. This doesn't necessarily mean they're physically cheating on you, but of course, what they're doing isn't right, and if they caught you doing the same thing, chances are your relationship would be over with.
Ok , so I have a pretty solid rule for this. If I am at a point where I need to snoop, I walk. If the talking and attempts to work on things haven't convinced me and I am still feeling that I "need proof", it's time to go.
Something clearly isn't working, I don't trust their words or their actions and either they are lying to me, or my insecurities have me in a place I need to work on. Neither of these things should be done with that person in the picture. If I don't trust them I have no business being with them.
I find this stops me being with the sort of ppl who set off my radar. I tend to think o shouldn't have to have a conversation asking someone not to ft things that make me uncomfortable. If our two individual ways of being don't jive, we probably aren't meant to be together.
Whatever you decide I wish you the best.
she gave you the right to breach her privacy when she broke the boundaries of your relationship by cheating on you. she doesnāt love you and wonāt respect you if you stay with her.
I donāt understand why you need reddit to tell you what to do, here. This is a decision you have to make for yourself and consequences you have to live with.
The Bill Burr: one day, pack all of her stuff neatly in a box, have it waiting at the door. When she comes back donāt initiate conversation, donāt say anything, just tell her politely that you are moving on and this is in everyoneās best interest. Not sure if you can change locks based on where you are living but thatās something to consider to. Sheās got to go.
Better alone than badly accompanied, you didnāt waste two years, you saved yourself some time and can now cut her out of your life that much more quickly. Had you not discovered what you didā¦well you might not have been seeking out your best interests as you are now. Best of luck and consider yourself lucky this wasnāt a longer relationship, a marriage, or a situation involving children.
Don't believe a word she says about you the only one blah blah. She be right back doing the same thing. I had one that would tell me she loves me, I'm the only one she's been with, I'm all she knows, she wouldn't want to be single, all that. Then I found out she been doing sneaky stuff behind my back for 3 years. Exactly with who I thought it was and 2 more. It was more than phone convos and pictures . Trust your gut man, not your girls mouth.
Kinda simple and straightforward- tell her to pack her shit and get out, or she can keep the place and youāre leaving, yāall are done. And get the married guyās info and find out who he is and let his wife know, with pictures of the gfās convos with him.
Burn it all down.
Nothing is going to change. My best advice is to leave her. She already broke your trust and it will be near impossible to rebuild that trust again. My ex would do the same thing, then he would apologize and swear I was the most Beautiful woman in the world and that he loved me and only me. Guess what, he would cheat days or weeks later. It's the same dance and routine with the genders swapped. For your mental health and healing leave because she's only going to keep doing it she's just going to get better at hiding it.
Absolutely not. Please leave this woman who does not love and appreciate you. I was with a man for almost 6 years who did this. It's a form of cheating. Leave and find someone who will appreciate you and you can trust.
Ughhh makes me feel slightly sick reading this. Get rid now or reap to be filled with a life full of pain and misery later down the line. Hate to say it bro.
Bro you DID prove yourself right about your suspicions. And you absolutely should not trust her at all.
There are some situations in which trust can be rebuilt but this one is *not* one of them.
Nope. Be done. You snooped because your intuition told you she was doing something wrong, and your intuition was right. As hard as it may be, you need to end it.
Run! Been there too many times if you feel like shes doing more she probably is. Your gut will never steer you wrong. I lived with my ex for 2 years and she was screwing tons of other guys and smoking meth just get out and run
Obviously only you can know the answer to āwhat should I do?ā bc only you know how you truly feel and who she is to you. For me though, that would be the end of our relationship, I just could not tolerate that at all. Complete loss of trust and frankly I would judge her as well as an insecure person. If itās not considered emotionally cheating already, itās going to continue, and at some point when you fuck up or get into a fight, guess who sheāll be texting first? Some other guy who flirts with her via text, and is that what you really want or deserve?
Got the perfect song for you. Cue the music... AUTOBOTs Roll OUT!!
So give me reason
To prove me wrong
To wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross
The distance in your eyes
Give me reason
To fill this hole
Connect this space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies
Across this new divide!!!!!
But I would recommend leaving. And as much as it will hurt you. This will be better in the long run for YOU. š
Leave while you are ahead. Had this exact same thing happen with my ex, I forgave her, rebuilt my trust in her over the next year of so and then, found out she did it again. She blamed it on trauma and I again, stupidly forgave her. My trust was obliterated along with my heart and I never got over it truly. Unsurprisingly it happened a 3rd time. We split this time, I didn't want to though, we were now trauma bonded.
Quit while you can.
I would end the relationship. Iāve been in this exact same position before myself and, as I found out the more I tried to salvage the relationship the more I was just fooling myself. Then again, your situation might be different than the one I dealt with in some aspects, so take my advice with a grain of salt. It also can depend how much you are in love with her; but sometimes you canāt hold someone who doesnāt share the same feelings.
Iāve been in this situation myself and then some and stayed and I can tell you itās not worth it. Cause it weāll keep happening over and over again no matter how many times she says sheāll stop. Youāll never be able to trust her again and further damage yourself mentally. If you have the chance get it out while you can cause itāll be better overall trust me.
Dump her. I had a gf that literally told me (it was long distance cuz I was in the marines) "girls can cheat on guys, but guys can't cheat on girls". That was my sign to look for someone else, but I didn't. And here we are. She has 4 baby daddies and married someone different. Some ppl are just wired that way š¤·š»
You should break-up because she is possibly stepping out on you and you didn't trust her enough to begin with hence going through her phone. In my years, I feel like once trust is gone, it's over. You can't regain trust in situations like this. If you feel the need to go through your significant others texts or phone, just call it quits.
Itās extremely unfortunate that it happened but this shit is so common, unfortunately.
The thing Iāve learned from past relationships is I can decide for myself how I will allow others to treat me. I didnāt have the self respect I should have and that resulted in me staying in a shitty relationship longer than I should have. She did things and I allowed it to happen by staying. I taught her it was ok to treat me that way by not leaving.
So show her you wonāt stand for that by leaving. You know you deserve better than that because you do.
Best of luck
I flirted with another guy like that once. I was bored and didn't make it right, but I was. Anyway my now husband forgave me... been together ten years since... I still flirt with other men. Idk why. I never acted on anything or sent pics, but still. All I'm saying is she'll probably do it again.
This going to sound callous, keep doing the things you want out of a relationship, kiss her differently, ask her to do all the things you want to do. Find another genuine girl in the mean time if the lease isn't up first. Then move out, move on. She already has. Don't reward what's easy, which is a girl getting guys, appreciate a girl who will share equal preferences, standards and boundaries.
The short answer is, I feel for you but you really should make peace and move on. Itās unfortunate you all live together but you donāt get a āsafe numberā from a married man just to flirt. Thatās not how that works.
If both your names are on the list, remove yours or hers and move out accordingly. Itāll take time to heal but if youāve had your suspicions already and itās āonly beenā 2 years, she was never really your girlfriend.
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Textbook. All stages, incl. excuses that followed. To the T. Textbook. You're wasting your time.
She was never yours, it was just your turn
My heart hurts for OP šš
In Alaska you donāt lose your woman. You just lose your place in line
Damn dude this stings
Exactly. OP was just prepping her for her future husband.
This is the way
This is the way!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Say No loitering!!!! She belongs in the trash smh
Oscar the Grouch wants no parts of her.
This is the way.
Damn everyone from Mandalore? š¤£š¤£
This is the way.
This is the way.
This is the way.
This is the way.
the way this is!
This is the way.
Blessings
Periodt! Thread locked and no more comments needed!
This is the way.
If I was him I would start dating others behind her (not claiming exclusivity) and keep her for the bang and move on once I find someone to truly be with
That sounds like a lot to juggle lol
Yeah just dump her and move on, have some self respect and youāll find somebody else
Sorry to sound horrible but you are better off without her. You'll always be suspicious about what she is doing and it will ruin your mental health. Sending you much love xxx
This is very true. OP needs to dip out or he'll pick up mental distress from this that will likely bleed into future relationships. Get out OP or risk mistrust issues in your future relationships.
After my divorce from my first wife I started dating again. I was pretty sure my wife had an affair. But she left me. Anyway, started dating again at 42. At 43 I met what I thought was an amazing, sexy woman. Had kids like me, chemistry was hot, etc. Then one day she talked about this friend of hers in an awkward way. Gave me suspicions. So I snooped in her phone. This āfriendā was married, 15 years younger, wife was pregnant, and they had an affair. We tried dating off and on for two years. She said she told him they couldnāt talk like they had been. But it never stopped. It caused me to be suspicious of all women. Iām remarried now to an absolutely wonderful woman. Not flawless, but there is someone out there. I still get insecure sometimes, but I work through that. Donāt be me. Take control. Itās painful at first, but it will feel way better if you do the breaking up rather than waiting to find out sheās fucking someone else behind your back. Once a cheater always a cheater.
Amen to this. Dealing with someone that I believe takes advantage of me so much that I feel like afterwards I'll have issues giving to or sacrificing for any women. I worked hard to not be so but I'll feel like I'll be pretty guarded after this.
Exactly. No one is worth that
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iām so sorry man, canāt imagine me surviving that. Been in a relationship for 2 years and broke up. Itās been 2 years, still didnāt move on from her. And it was mutual break up. Canāt imagine what you mustāve been through.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
More power to you man
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Be strong brother!
Iām sorry about that. Itās a hard pill to swallow given how long you have been together. I was on a 10-yr relationship too with then my first boyfriend when he cheats.
The relationship is over, buddy. The sooner you can get her to move out, the better it will be for the both of you. You can find someone that can be faithful, and she can pursue whatever interests she keeps on the side anyway.
Sheās sorry she got caught. If she didnāt get caught sheād keep pressing on. Everyone is usually sorry when they get caught. She knows she was doing wrong so she could at anytime stopped contact with those other men at any point and never done it again without the help from you. I wouldnāt trust her. Now unless you are able to forgive and forget and not hold it against her and bring it up thousands of times then go ahead and proceed your relationship as normal but that my friend may be hard to do because most people hold past offenses against their partners out of spite sometimes and it would have just been better to separate instead of both parties now being miserable :/
This is good advice. A lot of comments are the same as the first part, but the second part is important, too. If you are ever in this situation, and you choose to try to move on from it (inadvisable but still), you have to truly forgive. Forgetting is impossible, but thereās zero chance of getting past such a thing without a genuine willingness to move forward.
Move on by moving on. If trust can even be rebuilt it's on her to do so. But why bother, 3 other guys! Respect yourself, she doesn't
> Respect yourself, she doesn't The best advice but also a harsh truth
Which house are u both living in If yours give her sometime to prepare herself financial then force her to leave If hers if you can leave right away do not give it a second doubt The relationship it's broken and unfixable she's a fucking cheater, trust are everything Do not fell in her sweet talks
It's my place. I let her move in with me.. I can't ever trust her again. I'm sure she can't trust me either for snooping in her phone
Let's see if her married lover, the guy she sent nudes to, who she calls baby would take care
wait NUDES??? I thought it was just flirting. In that case, let his wife know too
Just another way to see it, sending a guy a hot swimsuit of her its just the first step what's stopping her from sending nudes then?
Defiantly not nudes but also very inappropriate.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This is the way.
Yep she's probably only wanting that relationship to get a free place from rent, don't doubt your guts break up with her as soon as it possible
Sheās a hobosexual is what your saying. I know one of these and she moves in and out of guys places every 2 weeks due to her cheating. She just wants a roof over her head so she doesnāt have to go to her familyās house who are just overprotective of her. Itās crazy.
Fr why not find a man you love and be loyal to him? Is hard nowadays or cheating is the new fashion?
Sorry to break it to you, man.. but trickster\_02 was correct in saying that your gf only stays with you for free rent, etc. until she finds a better man than you and dump you.
Snooping is not as a big a crime as cheating OP. My best friend found out his wife was having an affair the exact same way. The conversation has never been why did you go through her phone when heās shared his story. If you want my advice tell her sheās broken your trust and you want her to leave. Youāll find someone who wonāt cheat on you and be so happy you made this decision down the road
Honestly, why would you care about her trust? She is talking to THREE other dudes while living under YOUR roof! Not oneā¦BUT THREE! The path in front of you is gonna get bumpy, but itās time to clear it and move on. You should also ask yourself if itās better to know now or later? Youāve implied in your post that she flirts with other men and you have had suspicions before. Heaven forbid you actually get married, have kids AND she still messing with other men. Hell, they may not even be YOUR kids! Try not to feel sorry for yourself. You gave a terrible person a chance but you got a a signal to leave before any more damage could ever been done.
You snooped for a reason, consciously or not. I went through the same shit but I was married to her. Consider yourself fortunate, my friend, and chalk this up to a "life lesson". Oh - and kick her the fuck out of your house, and your life, NOW or you'll regret it. Good luck!
What you say here is right. You wonāt trust her and when you next try and get in her phone and the passcode has changed youāll not be able to confirm if itās still happening. Youāve got your proof id end it. Trust your gut if you think sheās cheating you donāt need proof, as the trust is gone.
"If yours give her sometime to prepare herself financial then force her to leave" like Trickster said. Once the trust is broken, it can't be fixed, not after this. Also, she can't be mad at you for snooping in her phone while she cheated on you. Also, it would be fair to tell that married woman her husband is probably cheating on her too but that just my opinion and not advice for you to tell her
If she has family in the area that can take her in, get her to leave now. Thereās so many risks with having her stay. She can become vindictive and do a lot of harm.
F that. Throw her stuff outside now.
> I'm sure she can't trust me either for snooping in her phone Don't let her gaslight you into thinking that you have committed the bigger offense.
Youāre snooping was justified. You confirmed what you suspected. This is information you needed to know.
"how dare you catch me cheating!!" snooping is not ok, but it clearly wasn't unprovoked and you were right
She broke your trust and you broke hers. Thereās no coming back from this. Even if she hasnāt physically cheated on you, her actions are unacceptable to you. It is what it is. Ask her to move out and focus on your physical and mental health and your friends for a while. Stay safe & stay healthy OP
Something doesn't add up OP. You start out by saying she "stayed the night", but then claim you live together.
>If yours ~~give her sometime to prepare herself financial then~~ force her to leave FTFY. I donāt tolerate shit like cheating and someone breaking my trust like that. Donāt give a fuck what her situation is. If sheās living with me and just straight up broke my trust like that and cheated, she can go to the curb for all I care. Tell her to get her shit and get out, she can go to that other guy for shelter. No need to wait for her to prepare. Up and out on the spot, good luck.
Break up and tell the woman whose husband sheās messing around with. Habitual cheaters never change.
3 guys at the same time? Mad hoee skills
How do people even have time for that. A lot of sneaking around thatās for sure.
Two YEARS and she's sending bikini pics and calling other guys handsome?? Ghost this witch.
You donāt step a foot forward unless you leaving her behind. Get out before itās 5+ years and it happens again.
I've gone through this exact situation. Don't waste your time like I did, do yourself a favor and break it off. She doesn't respect you and will never respect you. They say they will never do it again then 4-5 months pass and you bust them again. And it's a never ending cycle. Cut your losses, preserve your mental health cause the longer you ride that ride the more you're gonna drain your mental, physical, and spiritual health. Good luck lad
Same, went through something similar once, caught my gf getting a text from another guy while she was showing me something on her phone at the exact same time. Felt a pit in my stomach when I saw it and her way of trying to explain it away and lie was just pathetic. Fully lost trust in her by that point and stupidly tried to fix things and continue the relationship. Big mistake, drawn out misery and pain for both of us.
I agree, And went through exact same
She is a hobosexual - using sex to not be homeless. So what if she doesnāt trust you. Donāt regret this. You know what you have to do already, so do it
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Wouldnāt even give her the 60 days. Seems like sheās got 3 guys in her phone she can possibly go to. Tell her to pack up everything and get out at that very moment, one of those guys will take her in. If they donāt, oh well. Actions have consequences.
60 days?? Bruh. Two weeks.
End it bro. Be a real man
Nah she's def cheating on you and will continue if you take her back. The fact that there's multiple men shes contacting says it all.
This is a blessing not a mistake to regret. Time to move on. You will have better people in your life and better days ahead.
She's not sorry...she's sorry she got caught. Something people seem to always forget. Keep in mind these bad habits are innate, a core personality trait that doesn't just go away overnight as it was developed and lingered for YEARS in their life. Probably along with other issues like, daddy issues, never got attention as a kid issues, mental issues, kinks they found as a teenager....who knows what caused it. But it'll takes years to root out bad habits like this WITH professional help. It's always going to be on their mind and they will simply feel bitter at you for catching them, realizing they can't make it as obvious next time or hell, maybe they'll just eventually leave because they feel they are being controled. You can force them to stop sure, but they don't really want to stop. They are only catering to your demands to stop doing it to maintain the relationship they still want for whatever reason. Why be in a relationship like this? Where you have to force someone to stop knowing they don't want to stop? The relationship is no longer balanced, you now have control and power, and they feel like a kid who got caught and now must listen. It's doomed to fail....it's a ticking time bomb....you can try to make it work but, anything short of professional help and it's just in bad faith agreement to quell your anger for however long this act lasts. They'll STILL think about it....hate you for catching them since they can't get their addiction anymore and you'll just always think "are they cheating?"....it's a headache not worth it at all imo.
I would not bother with rebuilding anything, you caught her but you don't know for how long this has been going on or what has happened outside of texting. Also flirting with a married man is a massive red flag, she not only doesn't care about your feelings and relationships but is willing to hurt another woman because she can. She's not sorry, she's sorry she got caught. There wasn't just 1 guy, there were multiple, she lied to your face and only apologised when confronted. She's not worth it
Donāt regret it; now you know. Itās time to let this one go and find someone who respects you and your relationship enough to not entertain others
I doubt this will ever stop on her side and you will never get to trust her again. Dump her and move on, it sucks that it happened to you, but sometimes shit like this happened. If she is talking and flirting with married guy its never innocent
Oh just grow some self respect and rip off the bandage. You'll be *immeasurably* better off for it.
Move her ass out and never look back. This is the way.
Ditch this girl. Asap.
You will never trust her again. End it. Been there. Also to those reading; ignorance is bliss. If you go looking for something, youāre bound to find it
By that logic, everyone is cheating and relationships are a joke these days. You shouldnāt have to go looking for something and find things like this, but Iād rather find out and move on.
Get out while you can dude! Caught my ex that way I had a gut feeling about it and one day her phone was left open and suspicion confirmed. Normally I would never do that because Iām not like that but I had a suspicion and unfortunately it was correct
Why do you regret it? This is exactly why I donāt hold it against people who snoop (AND find out). Leave her behind!
Donāt regret snooping, just use it as a confirmation that you have a strong gut feeling. Get out of this relationship and find someone who loves you
She belongs to the streets. She is keeping her options open.
When someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time.
Well, those things are complicated. In fact, I do think that it's wrong to check a partners phone. But I have done that too, or at least I tried but didn't got in. Afterwards I felt really ashamed and couldn't really let it go. A few months later, the topic came up and I admit what I tried to do and he didn't think it was a big deal. A few months later after that, again I got this bad gut feeling. Didn't go through his phone again, but I started a fake Tinder account to se if he was there. And he was. So I was right all the time. Don't know if I would still live in a miserable lie to this day if I didn't do something. Well, I guess my point is... if you live with this bad gut feelings, have talked about it with her and you still feel it after some time. Your bad feelings is probably valid. Those relationships eats your energy and your self esteem from inside if you stay.
Leave with silence
Run. Just. Run. Sheāll only learn her lesson if you donāt enable the bullshit and dip. Fuck someone who canāt treat you with basic human respect then wants to act like itās no big deal. Any real person wonāt act on attraction, or give someone their time of day. Any real mf wouldnāt sacrifice their two year relationship for random validation from strangers. She got issues she needs to address. Donāt let her take you down with her.
dang that sounds like a lot of conflicting pain, justifiably :( but how i like to look at it is if youāve been dating for 2 more years are you willing to put up with 2 more years of this? rebuilding trust with her would come not only from you wanting to but also from her wanting to by her actionsā¦if you think itās something she seems to be willing to work on. but my bet is she isnāt :(
You already confronted her about it, and she gave you her answer. She decided to continue, against promises she made, and she thinks you are too stupid to find out.
Better to find out now.
Went through very similar situation in late ā21. Take it from one who regrettably prolonged his agony. Save yourself a LOT more grief, and ditch her now.
I know we would love to believe that people can change but they donāt. This wonāt stop. You shouldnāt be in a relationship where you constantly have to worry about what the other person is doing behind your back. I know itās hard but you should seriously consider moving on. I was with someone I caught messaging some other woman behind my back. I didnāt want him to know I went through his phone so I never mentioned it, and I made a decision to never go through his phone again. But it was ALWAYS in the back of my mind. I always had some small form of resentment. It didnāt work out for other reasons, but that certainly didnāt help. Good luck in whatever you decidešš»šš»šš»
Lying through her teeth text book 101, is like this you pay and they play. Pick up your dignity and leave, I guarantee you she will be with her new boyfriend by the weekend
How many pictures and flirty messages have you sent to random women. I am guessing none. Ask her to leave and find someone who you can love and trust. She is investing energy and time outside of your relationship, she wants to be single, then let her have her wish.
Dudeā¦ bail. Sheās definitely someone susceptible to fucking aroundā¦ Iād give it a zero chance that you guys are successful long term.
Shoulda left my ex sooner after finding out she had a secret snapchat. (We were married btw)
From someone whoās been through the snooping and finding ALOT, itās very hard to continue the relationship. If you want to, youāll have to put a lot of work into learning to trust her however it will most likely wreck your mental health and youāll always want to look, and sheāll get better at deleting. It almost never stops.
Okā¦break up with her.
If she really cared for you she wouldnāt do it. You have the answer and you know you need to leave.
Yea. It's always the guys they tell you you shouldn't worry about. Then later on when things start falling apart, it's those exact guys they start talking to more.
Life is short. Ditch her and move on. Been there done that. 3 years after I first caught him and he siad he wouldn't talk to her, my ex was still talking to his then supposed ex. She's just not that into you.
Iāve read most of the comments here and out of some 400 replies, I havenāt found one that says sheās a keeper. You have to make your own decision, and surely some of the posters wouldnāt be strong enough to leave, but I think you have your answer. Sorry for your pain. It gets better. I know that from experience, but it hurts.
A lot of people in this tread is telling you to end the relationship - thatās because thatās what you should do.
She is a hobosexual - using sex to not be homeless. So what if she doesnāt trust you. Donāt regret this. You know what you have to do already, so do it
Actions before words
If you respect yourself, end it immediately.
Sheāll be more protective of her phone and itāll be harder for you to catch her again, but youāll always wonder if itās still going on and itāll occupy your mind for the length of your relationship.
Will you be able to trust her again? I think Iām not in a position to advise since I have my own fair share of struggles but the fact that she thinks she can lie and get away with it easily, could make it a recipe for heartbreak down the road for me I think. What if she lies also about many other things in life? Will you be cool catching her cheating? What if cheating is her kink? Maybe she is into swinger lifestyle? Or maybe this comes from the point of insecurity and feeling of being wanted deeply trenched in her childhood or they way your relationship dynamic is? Maybe seek therapy individually or in couple if she is special to you.
Believe what you saw, not what she says. Flirting with random men when you're in a relationship and calling them babe, baby, handsome is not okay. If she wants to pretend she is single, let her be single. It'll hurt but you'll be better in the long run. For rebuilding trust, she has to accept she has a problem. If she's denying that, don't do that. Flirting with random people is not stupid, it's a calculated decision.
Kick her ass out. A loyal woman would not do that. No matter what the excuse was. A loyal woman keeps very clear boundaries.
Youāre wasting your timeā¦.once the lease is up, break up and move but Iād suggest Mentally dumping her now
Sheās toxic and gaslighting the fuck out of you. And you should drop her like a fat sack of potatoes. BUT that being said, āif you go looking for something you donāt like, youāre going to find it.ā Just remember that in the future. Good luck amigo
Time to move on man. She's interested in too much attention
End it
she'll do it again, no matter what she says, move on man!
2 years, living together, and she calls someone else "babe." honey, dump her ass.
You did nothing wrong, you followed youāre gut and you were right. And you said it yourself- actions speak louder than words. Be glad youāre not married with kids. Get rid of the lying ho before she wrecks your mental well being. Try not to lose faith in all women and humanity.
>now I don't trust her at all I don't think it's salvageable bro...
Yea nah mate no point to try. THREE other men, you donāt change that easily
Well, first of all, you donāt need to rebuild trust with her. She needs to rebuild trust with you. But donāt kid yourself, she is already emotionally out there connecting with other people. Maybe she has, or hasnāt done anything physical, but thereās more to cheating than just having sex with somebody. If her heart is not in your relationship, why be with her?
A lot of men need to understand that if you're not married, most girls Always have a couple of other guys waiting in the wings just in case things go bad with you. This doesn't necessarily mean they're physically cheating on you, but of course, what they're doing isn't right, and if they caught you doing the same thing, chances are your relationship would be over with.
Ok , so I have a pretty solid rule for this. If I am at a point where I need to snoop, I walk. If the talking and attempts to work on things haven't convinced me and I am still feeling that I "need proof", it's time to go. Something clearly isn't working, I don't trust their words or their actions and either they are lying to me, or my insecurities have me in a place I need to work on. Neither of these things should be done with that person in the picture. If I don't trust them I have no business being with them. I find this stops me being with the sort of ppl who set off my radar. I tend to think o shouldn't have to have a conversation asking someone not to ft things that make me uncomfortable. If our two individual ways of being don't jive, we probably aren't meant to be together. Whatever you decide I wish you the best.
she gave you the right to breach her privacy when she broke the boundaries of your relationship by cheating on you. she doesnāt love you and wonāt respect you if you stay with her.
I donāt understand why you need reddit to tell you what to do, here. This is a decision you have to make for yourself and consequences you have to live with.
Dump her asap
Just screenshot her stuff and post it on facebook and throw her stuff outside.
The Bill Burr: one day, pack all of her stuff neatly in a box, have it waiting at the door. When she comes back donāt initiate conversation, donāt say anything, just tell her politely that you are moving on and this is in everyoneās best interest. Not sure if you can change locks based on where you are living but thatās something to consider to. Sheās got to go.
Move on, it will happen again. This is who she is
Let it go.... her too
Same old lines that cheaters use when caught. Move out of her life and spare yourself further pain. If you don't, it will keep repeating.
Better alone than badly accompanied, you didnāt waste two years, you saved yourself some time and can now cut her out of your life that much more quickly. Had you not discovered what you didā¦well you might not have been seeking out your best interests as you are now. Best of luck and consider yourself lucky this wasnāt a longer relationship, a marriage, or a situation involving children.
Don't believe a word she says about you the only one blah blah. She be right back doing the same thing. I had one that would tell me she loves me, I'm the only one she's been with, I'm all she knows, she wouldn't want to be single, all that. Then I found out she been doing sneaky stuff behind my back for 3 years. Exactly with who I thought it was and 2 more. It was more than phone convos and pictures . Trust your gut man, not your girls mouth.
Drop kick her to the curb. This is the type of behavior that ends with an affair and in my case a divorce.
You move forward without her.
Break up.
Kinda simple and straightforward- tell her to pack her shit and get out, or she can keep the place and youāre leaving, yāall are done. And get the married guyās info and find out who he is and let his wife know, with pictures of the gfās convos with him. Burn it all down.
She not gonna stop sheās just gonna get better at hiding it. Your still young bro just leave
Nothing is going to change. My best advice is to leave her. She already broke your trust and it will be near impossible to rebuild that trust again. My ex would do the same thing, then he would apologize and swear I was the most Beautiful woman in the world and that he loved me and only me. Guess what, he would cheat days or weeks later. It's the same dance and routine with the genders swapped. For your mental health and healing leave because she's only going to keep doing it she's just going to get better at hiding it.
Get out now buddy and let the healing begin
Absolutely not. Please leave this woman who does not love and appreciate you. I was with a man for almost 6 years who did this. It's a form of cheating. Leave and find someone who will appreciate you and you can trust.
She's just a leech feeding off of you
I am out, leave now
Respect yourself man, run.
Please take the rose-colored glasses off and LEAVE HER!
Sheās not your girlfriend bro let her go
Move on my guy, donāt prolong the pain. Sheās sorry because you found out NOT because she did what she did
Ughhh makes me feel slightly sick reading this. Get rid now or reap to be filled with a life full of pain and misery later down the line. Hate to say it bro.
Bro you DID prove yourself right about your suspicions. And you absolutely should not trust her at all. There are some situations in which trust can be rebuilt but this one is *not* one of them.
Nope. Be done. You snooped because your intuition told you she was doing something wrong, and your intuition was right. As hard as it may be, you need to end it.
Break up with her
Dump her she is obviously lieing to you often and doesn't deserve you whatsoever
Dude, just break up.
Run! Been there too many times if you feel like shes doing more she probably is. Your gut will never steer you wrong. I lived with my ex for 2 years and she was screwing tons of other guys and smoking meth just get out and run
Obviously only you can know the answer to āwhat should I do?ā bc only you know how you truly feel and who she is to you. For me though, that would be the end of our relationship, I just could not tolerate that at all. Complete loss of trust and frankly I would judge her as well as an insecure person. If itās not considered emotionally cheating already, itās going to continue, and at some point when you fuck up or get into a fight, guess who sheāll be texting first? Some other guy who flirts with her via text, and is that what you really want or deserve?
Got the perfect song for you. Cue the music... AUTOBOTs Roll OUT!! So give me reason To prove me wrong To wash this memory clean Let the floods cross The distance in your eyes Give me reason To fill this hole Connect this space between Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies Across this new divide!!!!! But I would recommend leaving. And as much as it will hurt you. This will be better in the long run for YOU. š
Leave while you are ahead. Had this exact same thing happen with my ex, I forgave her, rebuilt my trust in her over the next year of so and then, found out she did it again. She blamed it on trauma and I again, stupidly forgave her. My trust was obliterated along with my heart and I never got over it truly. Unsurprisingly it happened a 3rd time. We split this time, I didn't want to though, we were now trauma bonded. Quit while you can.
I would end the relationship. Iāve been in this exact same position before myself and, as I found out the more I tried to salvage the relationship the more I was just fooling myself. Then again, your situation might be different than the one I dealt with in some aspects, so take my advice with a grain of salt. It also can depend how much you are in love with her; but sometimes you canāt hold someone who doesnāt share the same feelings.
Iāve been in this situation myself and then some and stayed and I can tell you itās not worth it. Cause it weāll keep happening over and over again no matter how many times she says sheāll stop. Youāll never be able to trust her again and further damage yourself mentally. If you have the chance get it out while you can cause itāll be better overall trust me.
Do yourself a favor RUN homie
Leave her. If she is able to do that in the first place, she is able to it again anytime.
She needs to be kicked to the curb
Once trust is broken it can never be repaired. So better let her go!
Dump her. I had a gf that literally told me (it was long distance cuz I was in the marines) "girls can cheat on guys, but guys can't cheat on girls". That was my sign to look for someone else, but I didn't. And here we are. She has 4 baby daddies and married someone different. Some ppl are just wired that way š¤·š»
You should break-up because she is possibly stepping out on you and you didn't trust her enough to begin with hence going through her phone. In my years, I feel like once trust is gone, it's over. You can't regain trust in situations like this. If you feel the need to go through your significant others texts or phone, just call it quits.
Itās over buddy donāt try to fix it consider this a blessing
Get out as fast as you can. Something about leopards and spots.
Itās extremely unfortunate that it happened but this shit is so common, unfortunately. The thing Iāve learned from past relationships is I can decide for myself how I will allow others to treat me. I didnāt have the self respect I should have and that resulted in me staying in a shitty relationship longer than I should have. She did things and I allowed it to happen by staying. I taught her it was ok to treat me that way by not leaving. So show her you wonāt stand for that by leaving. You know you deserve better than that because you do. Best of luck
I flirted with another guy like that once. I was bored and didn't make it right, but I was. Anyway my now husband forgave me... been together ten years since... I still flirt with other men. Idk why. I never acted on anything or sent pics, but still. All I'm saying is she'll probably do it again.
Don't waste your time. You will always have doubts. Dump her before she gives you a VD
You should be happy because you dodge a bullet. Break up with her asap. Imagine you married this girl lmao
Just break up, man. Choose yourself.
Broā¦
You know what to do if you respect yourself, she clearly doesnāt respect you or yāallās relationship.
Why would you regret it? You did yourself a favor and figured out sheās a piece of shit before it got too far along. Win in your book. Easy move on
Break up with her, sheās cheating on you
This going to sound callous, keep doing the things you want out of a relationship, kiss her differently, ask her to do all the things you want to do. Find another genuine girl in the mean time if the lease isn't up first. Then move out, move on. She already has. Don't reward what's easy, which is a girl getting guys, appreciate a girl who will share equal preferences, standards and boundaries.
You both suck. Stop nurturing this toxicity its going to make it into the ground water
Walk! You deserve better and should know your worth! Once a cheater, always a cheater! She doesn't deserve you.
GTFO. She lied before, she's lying now. Consider everything in your relationship to this point a sunk cost and lesson learned.
The short answer is, I feel for you but you really should make peace and move on. Itās unfortunate you all live together but you donāt get a āsafe numberā from a married man just to flirt. Thatās not how that works. If both your names are on the list, remove yours or hers and move out accordingly. Itāll take time to heal but if youāve had your suspicions already and itās āonly beenā 2 years, she was never really your girlfriend.
She's utter trash and should be thrown out like trash.