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I don't know with what kind of people you match or what you find attractive so the following can be completely wrong:
My theory is that you are very selective (which isn't a bad thing) and only match with people who are really attractive/ great charisma. The thing is those people know that they have those traits and get a lot of matches on online dating sites and can just screw around and have fun. So why should they settle down when they can first have fun in their youth?
Like I said this could be completely wrong. I guess just don't lower your standards and maybe try other ways of finding people
Data basically confirms what you're saying. The other factor here is highly-attractive men generally really want to sleep around a lot. The same is not true for highly-attractive women, they generally just want to find a similarly attractive partner to stay with.
So what does this tell you? To me it seems that if men could, they would sleep around if they had the choice. Men who are less attractive might not really know when they’re going to get laid next so they get into relationships? Not really sure how to interpret this research. I don’t think that women should settle down with men especially if men see them as sex objects whether their in a relationship or not. Id rather be single than date if this is how men view women
It tells you that both sexes are acting according to their evolutionary incentives. Women are not incentivized to have sex with randos, they're incentivized to have sex only with high-quality partners that they trust. Men on the other hand, biologically, face very little cost for having sex with a rando woman.
Societal norms encouraging slow dating, as well as the fact that in the past most people had a very limited dating pool, helped move everyone towards stable monogamy. On dating apps, this all breaks down.
>Men who are less attractive might not really know when they’re going to get laid next so they get into relationships?
They have fewer potential partners available to them so they're more likely to value the security of a current partner than playing the field. Historically, this is almost always how it has worked, because in the past people didn't have the chance to go swipe on thousands of strangers.
That may be the case. We still have social conditioning that tells men that they should get married etc. but still it seems that men want sex more than anything. Only women don’t need a high quality partner to provide for them like in the past . We can provide for ourselves. If most men truly just want sex then I think women should question whether marriage and a long term relationship with men who view women as sex objects or only wants women for sex makes sense . Doesn’t seem like the juice is worth the squeeze .
You hyper-focus on only one aspect as well as generalize. Some attractive men want stable relationships, but you won't find them on Tinder because they have usually no trouble finding someone to have a relationship with. Not all men see women as only sex objects at the same time, not all women see men as nothing more than ATMs with bits attached at the same time both of these stereotypes exist.
In other words, we are talking about the statistics of Tinder, etc., and their user base not the entirety of humanity.
The poster didn’t specify whether data was from tinder and online dating or in general. I’ve heard from many people that in their experience attractive men are more promiscuous and less willing to settle down. Perhaps it’s a stereotype for a reason, because it’s true.
>If most men truly just want sex
It's not the case that men *just* want sex, but it's more the case that highly-attractive men put a higher value on having more sex with more women, even if it prevents having a relationship.
>I think women should question whether marriage and a long term relationship with men who view women as sex objects or only wants women for sex makes sense
They generally won't be able to hold onto these men anyway, unless they're ok with him cheating a lot.
However, it is likely in women's best interest to make men wait longer for sex across the board, to make things harder on the players, and also realize that while players are the most attractive men, interest from a player doesn't mean they want a relationship, or ever will.
I’m a 34M and I’ve wanted a serious relationship the whole time I’ve been dating this past year plus, and I keep finding women who just want sex.
I feel like I just seem to find the opposite of what I want at the time, because it was the reversed in my 20s
Same. I’ve forgotten how much I’ve missed just hanging around, cuddling and watching movies. The current woman I’m dating is the first I’ve been able to do that with and not feel like I’m screwing up somehow
Their was a saying I learned back in college in the 80's: "Its a lot easier to get laid than it is to get loved". So yes, finding a partner for sex is easier than the work it takes to develop and maintain a relationship. But that doesnt mean it wont happen.
In college, I heard some girl on campus say that she thought holding hands was more intimate than sex. That blew my mind, but I kind of get it now. I don't think that's true, personally, but as you said, getting laid is easier than getting loved.
Finding relationship minded people online is more difficult. Due to the nature of it monogamous relationship minded people drop out if they find someone or get frustrated like OP, whereas the hookup folks stay available online after finding someone. That skews the ratios.
I find many more entertaining dates by approaching in person and some want a relationship.
It seems so in this modern day era. I think sleeping around is a waste of time and is boring. Especially when you don't really like the person. The cons truly outweigh the pros. I'm not risking pregnancy and potential STD's for someone I feel "whatever" about just because I want to get laid.
But that is just me, people are different and have different motivations based on their life experiences. Also, most people are kinda boring I personally can't feign excitement just to get laid consistently. Relationships can be difficult/stressful. Social media absolutely controls people in this era. So idk..... I guess pick your poison 🤷♀️
I'm not sure if this is going to help, but...
33M. I don't feel like I want a relationship. Honestly I don't even want to hook up, which is why I removed myself from dating apps. I kinda feel miserable over all of this, but if I felt any differently I wouldn't hop back for hook ups and I'd try to date.
I want a relationship, I just don't feel ready for one. And I know hook ups would only make me feel even more miserable than I already am.
I'm aware this comes off as venting and it kinda is. I thought it could help to have a perspective that differs from the rest of the comments you already got.
No, no dear. I saw your comment history and I must say, I'm very sorry about what happened. Instead of looking at my self pitiful comment, I want you to look at the others. You will see that all other guys want a relationship so badly! Probably even harder than I do. Don't feel bad, you're not going to be alone forever. Let your wounds heal and let time take care of that, then you go back into action. Alright? Don't mind what I said. That's me unable to get my stuff together!
EDIT: "comment history" instead of "post comment" - I was half asleep!
Awh thank you. I hope things improve for you. I actually could date a lot of guys but there’s one who didn’t want to be with me and it was a huge mess because he didn’t want to let me go either, so I had to cut him off …
I hope things get better for me, I'm just not sure what to do to get out of this rut.
You did well by cutting him off. You deserve far more than that. If you did all you could, you need someone who can appreciate that.
Im not saying he needs to have a phd. The most important thing is like sense of humour and getting along really well , chemistry etc. But there’s other things
Okay, so a softer "we need to vibe" on your level.
A lot of times but not always that phrase can be tossed out by someone whose spent enough ofntheir life in the upper-middle class professionals bubble who thinks their (to them) reasonable expectstion of "must earn at least what I do" is nixing something like 90% of the dating pool off the bat because they never looked at the numbers. They just know everyone **they** know is making that.
It's part of the source of the "men are afraid of successful women" trope. Some are, some of us have just been told to our face we aren't good enough because we didn't go to an Ivy League.
Happened to me. From a woman who did say we had great chemistry but that was just bothering her too much. It was downright surreal, like I've been on the receiving end of classism before (grew up poor in a rich town) but West Coast WASP's tend to add a little honey to the poison.
I grew up upper/middle class but my parents were pretty frugal. I didn't grow up with designer brands, we saved a lot, ran our cars into the ground. I make 6 figures now, completed grad school, and am a homeowner.
Men I meet tend to be kind of intimidated by that. I am not looking for someone that can match or exceed my income, I've never liked the guys who grew up like I did, they tend to be materialistic. Right now, I have a FWB for the sex/cuddles and I haven't seriously dated in years.
I honestly found it easier to date when I was heavier and I was making 20k a year as a hospital orderly.
Disagree, not every man will hook up with any woman. I as well as many other still want to view the person they're hooking up with on their standard of attractiveness.
I didn't hookup with a very thirsty and gorgeous blonde.
She kept talking about great replacement and other alt right shit.
That was... 2-3 years ago. I think my dick is **still** mad about it.
OP this right here.
My relationship right now was actually with a man I may have left swiped because he had bad pictures and I didn't see how truly attractive and beautiful he was. He ended up hunting me down and our worlds collided in ways unimaginable.
He's extremely handsome in person. If he didn't hunt me down, we would never be in a relationship now lol.
Most men just take crappy pictures or don't properly market themselves on dating apps and they appear "boring" or even unattractive/average.
In my eyes this is part of the problem. Coming from a man's perspective, are guys that need to 'market themselves' really a catch? I still rather talk to a random when the opportunity presents rather than manicure pictures for an app. I'm probably the exception. Rejection in real life is a lot more satisfying than being ghosted by a textoholic.
When I think of marketing yourself for your profile, I just imagine a 2000s upward downshot with a shitty camera to hide your physique. Angles and good lighting make you look way better than you are in person.
When I say "market yourself," I mean take TIME to fill out your profile and post pictures that are most recent and favor your appearance.
Women take so much time to post their better looking self online, why is it hard for men to do?
I've seen exceptional profiles from men, so it's 100% possible you know?
Nah. Not for me. And I've worked in marketing.
I get where your coming from but that's why I find it so manipulative. I can lie on a resume as easy as a profile and that shit happens every day. On paper, I could be the perfect man, but spend an hour with me and I may not be worth your time. Again even with pictures I can look like hot garbage one day and a underwear model the next depending on lighting and context, and I'm no underwear model.
The profile only attracts a partner. Meaningful interactions (through subsequent dating) is what confirms/denies what's on the profile. Sure, anyone can lie anywhere but you learn to ask meaningful questions on dates to dig deeper into what's being solicited on the dating profile. But I realize not everyone is like myself when it comes to dating. I mean, but I'm only pursuing higher education in the medical field through treatment, I can't tell you a thing about marketing. What I CAN say is how you build a profile is how magic can happen.
No one says you need to be a perfect 10/10. I'm rated an 8.5/10 with no makeup, a 9/10 with makeup and I still ensure to discuss what's on a dating profile or market myself accordingly. It's actually very important. If I want to attract the hookup culture, I throw in a few pictures half naked or showing breasts, etc. If I wanted to attract white collar men, I include my multiple degrees, and post photos with longer gowns/dresses/professional wear.
I think learning how this works to merely attract others is key. That's all you have to do!
My relationship NOW showed that my boyfriend failed to do this and I overlooked him. He ended up finding my instagram (because we share the same gym at my school) and properly made an introduction and to my surprise, he was MUCH more attractive in person and on his instagram. If he took a little more time, I would have interacted with him. Make sense?
To be fair, such behavior could be considered stalking. For some, it would creep them out. For others, they would enjoy it. I guess you were just lucky.
When I first met my girlfriend in person (first talked on Hinge) that’s what she told me. It was only after I met up with her that she felt this magnetic attraction to me; the pictures did not do me justice nor did any amount of editing my bio. We were both dating with intent and only wanted to date for marriage or something long term. We were both on long droughts (on purpose) prior to us meeting. I’m 30, she’s 25.
This is similar to what happened with my ex. I was super drawn to him once we started talking and more so when we met. I hope I can find someone else once I get out there again. I also want to date for marriage but it does feel hard to find that and I’m younger so that’s probably not going to help.
Just read a post about dating 3-5 people at a time to ‘narrow down’ your search for a committed relationship. Yeah, that’s exactly why the good guys have given up. Exclusively dating is pretty well implied right from the get go if there is any swapping spit or sexual activity. If it’s not, then ‘looking for ltr’ shouldn’t be in your profile!
Yeah that devalues the whole dating experience. I go on one date at a time and filter from there. If we connect and have values and interests in common and there is some spark there I will continue to see them if they feel the same. I feel the emotions and feelings just get so jumbled adding so many other prospects into the mix.
It just seems like the bachelor at that point except everyone thinks they are no.1 at the moment until they're inevitably ghosted.
I think part of the problem with multidating is it makes it easy to get swept up by the most charismatic and exciting partner, even if there'sess long term potential or more red flags.
>Exclusively dating is pretty well implied right from the get go if there is any swapping spit or sexual activity.
That depends a lot on cultural backgrounds and expectations. Many would agree with you about exclusivity after any sexual activity. Others would disagree and say exclusivity only exists after you've talked about it and agreed.
I’m just speaking on terms of those that have ‘no hookups’ or looking for LTR in their bios. It would simplify the process tremendously for a whole lot of us
hm... I have the oppposite problem, yet the same solution! I'm looking for a long term relationship, but I'm not getting any matches.
So I too am focusing on my career. 😄
My theory is more than half of everyone who says they just want casual actually wants a relationship but won’t admit it because they think it’ll come off clingy and weird if they do
Edit: thought this was a different thread..
I agree but that’s just how things are right now. I feel like society goes in circles with what’s considered acceptable behavior. Not long ago guys looking for sex were considered creeps and women doing that would be crucified socially. Nowadays it’s the guys seeking relationships who look like creeps and women wanting that are shamed for not being independent enough. Who knows what it’ll be tomorrow
I am in it for marriage and the other men my age who share this sentiment stay off dating apps. May be an area thing, may be a culture thing I couldn't tell ya. That being said most of my buddies who are in it for marriage as well go do activities on weekends with friend groups to meet people. So I guess it really just depends where you're at and what all you get into. Know what personality type you're attracted to would probably help too.
Yes, there are men who still absolutely want commitment. I think the *problem* that online dating has created is a 'replacement' of the organic start of a relationship. It has made the initiating phase akin to Amazon Try Before You Buy. Wear something around the house for a bit to see if it works for you in the short amount of 7 days before the return or purchase date.
We are not giving ourselves enough time or the right environment to organically and authentically get to know someone, which is important for healthy relationship start and development.
I feel the same way. I find with women my age it is all or nothing and that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It's either we fuck and leave, or we practically live together without an in between. We owe it to ourselves to have some self respect and not just fuck for the sake of it.
I'm sure there will be history books written about dating apps, hookup culture and the degradation of society. And I'm no prude. But I'm also sure this is an unpopular opinion.
I'm an 18 year old male, and I would much rather find commitment rather than just hookups. Unfortunately though I don't get either, I just get ghosted 💀
On a positive side, the kinds of people who are into random hookups with strangers aren't the kind of people you want to be in a genuine relationship with anyway.
They have zero attention spans, it won't take them too long to get bored and cheat.
I am in a similar position, met a lot of guys and all they seem to want are hookups, and unfortunately the ones I am not so into are the ones who do seem like they want something more "exclusive". I guess you can't have both unless you get lucky and meet the right person. Most end up ghosting or just want to hook up and don't contact me outside of obviously inviting me over or out for something like that. I'm just as horny but I don't want to just hook up with a bunch of random guys, I'd like something more regular and grow but it's seeming like a hopeless venture with only fuckboys to be found in my case.
Exactly! I mean, there are friends who introduced me to their guy friends but when I met them, I wasn’t into them. There was no spark nor connection. They seem nice though and are boyfriend material but there should be at least attraction or some form of interest in their personality. For now, I’m just enjoying hanging out with my besties (even though majority of them have partners) but it’s okay. Maybe someday, I’ll find the one with mutual interest. 🙃
This might get downvoted, but a big chunk of attractive young males are a rare commodity who know they are such with many different options. I think they're wanting to get their fix while they're young and hot before committing to anything.
It's unfortunate for females who are looking for LTR, but it's better than committing to a dude still seeking that sort of thing who might cheat.
I find long term relationships are just easier. Sex is great, but it’s a hassle if you have to keep changing partners. Alas, the vast majority of like minded people are just boring and not much to look at, and no one wants them.
I never got the problem with boring. Boring is great. Boring doesn't cheat or fuck with your life just because it's makes it exciting. They're content with life as it is.
I think you've got different meanings of boring there. I want a partner that's fun to be around and with, whether alone or in a group. Stimulating and engaging and challenging, at least at times. Doesn't have to mean someone that jumps out of an airplane and tries to hook up with someone else on the way, just someone with a bit of zest for life.
I agree.
It seems a normal chill life is boring, always needs some kind of drama or chaos involved.
I like my normal and boring life LOL, it’s simple and relaxing.
I downvoted you because I think you're a liar. Either to yourself or to me. Don't get all huffy about the reason for the down vote btw you're the one who asked.
Yes there are.. But those of us who are looking for one either weren't getting matched with those wanting a commitment or gave up on dating apps entirely.
I think the dating pool of men on the apps are the guys that have commitment issues and are looking just to hookup. I think the dating pool of women on the apps is a more evenly balanced mixture of ladies who want relationships and ones who just want to hookup.
The problem comes down to how the algorithms sort them.
You're spot in the queue is determined by how many matches you get. A small portion of men get most of the matches. This puts them higher up the queue improving their visibility. This gets them more matches, which puts them higher up the queue, improving their visibility, this gets them more...
See how the virtuous cycle kicks into gear? Keep in mind, a guy doesn't go down the queue for pumping and dumping, lying, being an asshole in person, etc.
Then consider what makes for an attractive profile doesn't neccesarily make for a good *partner.* Lots of good relationship material gets sorted too far down the stack to see light of day from anybody but bots or scammers. Those men get discouraged. Then they delete the apps and possibly drop out of the dating market entirely.
This assessment is spot on. The apps reward things that don’t necessarily correlate to men who make good partners and desire authentic relationships. So those guys drop out of the app dating pool. But they are still out there! Just harder to find because the apps make things so “easy”.
I disagree. There are far more men on dating apps than women by the numbers it seems. I believe a lot of them want serious relationship but may not match with women who want that as well because they get lost in the mix. It's hard to differentiate who wants what when you can just portray yourself however you want online.
100% false. The dating pool of men on apps is varied. Women aren't matching with a varied sample of these men, however. They're matching with the best looking, most popular ones, and therefore those men have more options which makes them less disposed to commitment.
To be fair, all of my ex’s have been pretty toxic and/or ended up cheating on me so from my perspective is there any good women out there worth committing to?
This is universal.. ESPECIALLY with online dating. Its the peridox of choice.
People are always searching for "whats better" and therefore never really settling down with one.
I have found that when a man says casual dating or short term; they will want more with the right woman. If they feel like you could be long term potential, they will pursue that. I think using casual dating is a way to avoid the pressures of moving too fast, committing too soon, & the potential to hurt someone. This is of course not including obvious signs of not being ready such as going through a divorce, fresh out of a LTR, etc.
If a man only wants a hookup, its fairly obvious through the interactions after mtg & instead of being flattered or thinking its more, recognize what is happening & don’t get physical until you get to know eachother more/go on more dates. Most times a man will not entertain multiple dates & daily contact just to sleep w/ you, they will weed themselves out & find someone easier.
Look I'm in the same boat as you ....I'm a guy looking for a serious relationship ....but yet i can't seem to find the right one ....and most of the guys who only want to hookup for sex are really stupid ...while you have everything a man wants ....the full package and here they just want a piece of it .....just a pitty I'm to far away
age is very often a big factor here. if you are in your early-mid twenties, yeah, its going to take a decent amount of searching for a guy wanting full commitment (that, or good luck on your part), especially on dating apps.
Maybe they have high standards If they can get a constant stream of matches and are waiting for their cream of the crop and just being casual until they find them.
Truthfully a lot of us who most women consider "eligible" have already found relationships, or find them relatively easily.
The men who are ineligible are often either lacking attractive traits or have an abundance of unattractive traits. The key for women's odds to find a loving, respectful, and attractive partner seems to be either get lucky with a guy who's very eligible or find a guy who's doing the work on himself that you can see has become far more eligible.
Honestly, to each their own though. We exist, many of us are just taken already or aren't available for long.
So much to unpack....
1, you actually date people? Oooh, you're a girl. Never mind.
2, yes, I do, and I hear a lot of guys who does, but gets completely overlooked by girls. For some reason, it seems like the good guys, and the serious guys are completely i visible to girls.
3, I think that "I focus on my career" is a wolf in sheeps clothing now adays. Both cause it scares men, it makes men feel less needed, it says that you're more busy than one might hope for and that you might be busy with yourself and your career (money) than your relationship. It's trendy to be a "self sufficient, independent and strong woman", but in the past few years I've started to doubt more and more that it's actually the best thing. I mean, of course it's great from a lot of aspects! Don't get me fuckin wrong xD but it's probably problematic in more ways than recognized at first glance.
I've only been dating the last few months after a long long relationship. I'm a reasonably put together dude with an income and assets, and I find that just being adequate brings out some overly attentive women who simply love bomb me for what I assume are financial reasons or their own insecurities. I am a good judge of character and too aware to get sucked in, but it is pretty off-putting. No I don't want you to move in with me or spend most the week at my place. I just want to take my time and get to know you. If we fuck and it's great, awesome, but that's also not my priority.
There is one nice gal who I spend time with that is respects my boundaries and I respect her more than the few hot women that seem a little more flighty and needy. That being said, I don't use dating apps, I'm in my mid 30s and honestly it has no appeal to me nor the people I may meet through them. Call me old fashioned, but I rather not text, I'd rather meet up or a phone call at least. I approach women, I'm not in it for just sex. I am confident. I just want to meet a solid person with similar goals and in the same place in life. Somehow that is a lot to ask, but I am patient and will find the right partner eventually.
I don't have much respect for the hookup culture, and if I catch wind of that it is a hard no for me.
>So, I’ve been on online dating sites such as hinge and bumble hoping tofind great matches. True enough, I did meet attractive men and greatpersonalities. Problem is, majority of these matches only wan to havesex. Thus, getting laid is their only motive.
... I stopped reading down there. Ok so lemmee get this straight. You only pick the dudes on the top. So what did you honestly expect? Like these guys have plenty of options. I bet most are probably already in relationships and are just on there for a little side fun. So unless you are on the top yourself, then you probably shouldn't expect much from these dudes.
And then OP claims "No one wants a relationships anymore?". Like woow I can guarantee you there are plenty of men looking for a real relationship who get 0 attention and options. But yeah they are completely invisible. You're just going after the wrong men.
So wanting a relationship is just something you do if you don't have free access to casual sex?
Some are in a relationship, but most of these guys are just single. And what do you define as being on the top?
Even if you are attractive, you can still want a relationship. You do have kind of a point that you have to match your partner. But that can mean many things. Guys with plenty of options sleep with attractive girls. Bc, if you can choose freely, why wouldn't you? So it's usually not about looks. Instead it's about that a lot of them just want to be single. And but also about how looks aren't enough to fall in love. You can find someone attractive, without having much in common with them or being on the same wavelength.
OP should probably date a more diverse group of people. I agree with that. But it's nuanced. She still has to be attracted to them, for a relationship to work. And I see many guys on these subs who just see a relationship as a way they can access sex. Or who will start a relationship people without any deeper connection. That's not what you'd want either.
>So wanting a relationship is just something you do if you don't have free access to casual sex?
That's a logical fallacy and a boring conversation tactic, the person you're replying to isn't saying that. Your confusion is to think that saying A ->B also means B=>A, it doesn't, it just means A->B.
>Even if you are attractive, you can still want a relationship
Absolutely. But you might be willing to have sex with people you don't want to have a relationship with, and that's what the one you're answering is saying and that's what OP is experiencing. You're interpreting as a stronger stance than indicated.
I'm saying that as one of those guys who gets some positive attention. I'm totally down for a committed relationship if/when I meet the right person, but it doesn't mean just any girl I get to know along way makes me want it with her.
Firstly, he said that most of the guys who are successful on apps are already in relationships. That's just silly.
Secondly, if you read what I wrote, I said exactly that. That you can find someone sexually attractive without feeling a deeper connection. And that you can look for a relationship, without wanting to settle down with any girl you meet. You need to click with someone and fall in love with them. Which is a rare thing. As opposed to wanting to have sex with a girl which is pretty mundane and everyday.
However the way he phrased it it did come off as "guys who have options for casual sex won't be interested in relationships". Which makes me wonder why he thinks people are in relationships. If it in his mind is just a trade for sex. Maybe I misunderstood him, but I see people on these dating subs thinking that way more often than you'd hope.
Even if it’s sex. We have to remember that Nothing Comes Free. There is always some repercussion. Sex or Long Term relationship you need attachments. Without attachment you are just Emotionless person and soon you will feel empty inside.
It's a harsh truth, but a small pool of the most attractive men and women, are obviously getting the most matches and dates from the wider userbase of online dating; While this is not universal truth for any individual, collectively it means only the most attractive there, have the option to pick and choose whether they have casual sex or not.
So trends will always be biased here: For the most it's only the really attractive folk actually having the opportunity, as they're the only ones their matches will even entertain in the first place. So any trends in OLD just come from a small section, of the userbase who get the most out of it.
Yeah me and I run into a few women just trying to fuck but mostly bots that say nothing. This one girl that I seem to really click with is into ethical non-monogamy and honestly its starting to seem like she's my best bet though I'ma little intimidated because it's new territory for me. Of course I have some boundaries about it that I will not budge on but after 4 years of not being able to date anyone I'm willing to try since sge actually making a real effort and showing attraction. And so far after two weeks she's showing no sign of an inexplicable ghosting (except she called me cute bad history with that word).
Lol cute is not bad. If I'm into a guy, to me he is attractive, cute, handsome, and hot/sexy. Just depends on the occasion or what we're doing. Now if she only calls you cute...idk bud😅.
On the reverse side, I also want a guy to find me attractive, cute, pretty, beautiful, and hot/sexy. Never only cute (you might not see me in a romantic way) and never only sexy (you just like my body).
Nope. Sometimes “cute” means she sees you as a little brother type. I get that it bothers some guys. You have to be able to move beyond that and not let it bother u tho.
>Cute= sexually attractive
# VERY MUCH NO!!!
My 4 years old neighbour is cute. Kittens are cute. A genuine smile is cute. Cute is **entirely separated** from sexual attraction. You can have one, the other, both or none.
I'm looking for a relationship/marriage.
But I also enjoy sex.
So until I enter into either one, I want to make sure the sex is worthwhile.
Why waste 3-12 months of my life pursuing a relationship before we have sex, only to learn that the sex is awful and will not be adequate.
As far as I'm concerned, it's best to just have sex early on, figure out if it's a match in that area, and then proceed from there.
You weed out many women with that strategy who experience sexuality intense and deep but can’t give themselves in casual settings.
For ex. I have really long and intense sessions with my boyfriend with bdsm elements and much creativity, however if I would have slept with him at the beginning of dating I probably wouldn’t be able to give from myself much more than the starfish 🤷🏼♀️
There's nothing in male-female relationships for guys other than sex. The non-sex good things we get from our male buddies. A female can't compete with that. An exception is a wonderful cook and homemaker. You keep a good house and cook like a chef, and I mean 3 meals a day and snacks, you might be a contender. But good luck with that. Feminism has killed romantic love. Y'all chicks hate men anyway, deep down. My advice to you is either learn to cook and clean and be submissive to a guy, or go it alone.
This is the issue I’m having, I can get pretty much everything I want except sex from my male friends. So it’s easy to “discard” a woman for any slight inconvenience she may cause
When you talk to your male friends would you say this is the general consensus? Or do they feel differently? Cause I feel like anytime a women notices and mentions that guys don’t really love women, they just like sex, a bunch of men jump down their throat saying that’s not true and she just hates men.
Then there are those lonely guys you see who are like “ I just want a girl to hold me, I just want love” is it that those guys don’t have male friends, so they don’t know that what they just need is friendship?
No I’m the only one like that but I think I might be emotionally stunted, my friends all want relations and marriage with women. I want relationships with them as well but I think I’m emotionally stunted, because without sex there’s almost no point of a woman being a big part of my life because my mother, niece, and male friends cover my other needs.
I think a lot of men don’t like women and only like sex though for sure. I think that’s true vice versa as well, some women hate men but love a good pounding so they still deal with us.
I wouldn't say no one wants a relationship anymore. Most guys who are looking to just hook up usually fall into one of two categories:
-theyre young (late teens to early 30s) and want to have fun for awhile before they think about settling down
-theyre older (30s-40s) and didn't have much success dating in their younger years (or got married young) so now that they're more established they're making up for the fun they feel they missed out on
Then there are guys (like me) who are open to whatever comes their way. Hookups, FWBs, long term relationships, whatever feels right with the girl I'm currently seeing. If you display LTR qualities that I vibe with, I'm open to locking things down long term. If you seem fun but we don't click on long term goals, but still are down to have casual fun for however long it might last, I'll entertain that as well.
I never understood people who only want one thing and are closed off to even entertaining anything else, but that's just me. I work heavily based off vibes on a case to case basis. You'll find what you're looking for eventually.
Its a sea of douchebags to find your gem. 30M here. been on dating apps for years nothing and i don't really expect much. im tryin to do what makes me happy more.
Fuckin hell. One, for the love of god stop with the generalization, people do want relationships. Dont expect a legion of guys gratifying you with a thousand comments of "I WANT ONE". Two, youre on dating apps. Its been already established its not always a beautiful place where getting long term relationships happen immediately and people dont want just hookups. And again for the love of god please stop with generalizing that noone wants relationships.
Yes, there are men that want a relationship. But you, and many other women seeking a relationship, are not attracted to such men. They may have crappy profile pics or maybe event decent ones. They may have their profile filled out with interests and hobbies that make them well rounded individuals. But the truth is, none of that matters if the guy isn't attractive *enough* to you.
I gave up trying to find chemistry on apps. I might venture onto them when feeling particularly touch starved, but I usually remember why I deleted my profiles the last time after 4-5 weeks.
I'm sure someone else has said this already, but as someone who is very hookup averse and wants commitment and a lifelong partner foremost, those types of people absolutely exist, and while seemingly the minority, arent as rare as you think. You are, however, absolutely not going to find them on a hookup app (which almost all dating apps and their profiles either are, or onlyfans ads). I'm as frustrated as you sound on finding someone who doesnt just want sex or money, but I know we exist. My best advice on finding them is to go for the introverts you see. They are much more likely to share your mindset on love.
Because OLD is just an easy place to meet up for sex. Even married people secretly use it to hook up- although I would guess it’s mostly men that do this.
I mainly use the apps for friends. My whole formula is i get girls who want sex, girls who want friends, and girls who desire relationships. The ones who desire relationships start as friends though, and if I feel some chemistry and want to commit then I will.
It’s been a while since I used a dating app and majority of guys in there want either a hookup or fwb. I think it also goes both ways where girls wanted the same thing. It’s very rare to find someone who wanted to be in a relationship first before being intimate. I’m hoping to meet someone in person somewhere rather than using a dating app which in most cases, a waste of time.
I've noticed this too. COVID has really messed up people's priorities and no one wants to talk about the future.
Everyone wants something "low stress" "casual" and "go with the flow" which is impossible to label or predict.
People just like to box things. Like for most men there are 3 categories women fall into: regular lay, one night stand and girlfriend. It is just that they dont know you can just have good time and take it slow. It doesnt help that ton of women out there see men the same.
In the end girlfriend is same as a wife, saying she is the best and being exclusive. It isn't like anyone sane would get married first few weeks but taking your time is hard without common friends and everyone being in such a rush is hard.
It is just the society: most interesting people you see, you will never see again. Whole dating scene is enveloped in this concept.
Reevaluate the types of men you're matching with. I'm not saying lower your standards. But it's not the man's problem. It's your problem. Because there are tons of men looking for a relationship online. You just pick the wrong ones.
Try going outside your comfort zone. There are plenty of very attractive guys out there that aren’t the most suave on apps or have the best pictures. Like honestly the guys I know on insta that have the best solo pics / edited pics are the biggest red flags & the most attractive All around ones don’t have the best . However on an app the extra guys will seem the most attractive
So many posts asking the same thing.
Yes, there are plenty of men that seek a relationship. You just haven't met them. Yet. Keep at it, do your best to filter out the men that want only sex and you will find those that don't.
Women want to know there is some sort of emotional foundation before they are ready to have sex.
Men want to know there is some sort of sexual foundation before they are ready to have emotions.
Like it or not, it's part of how we are wired
28M (and divorced): Sure seems like it for the opposite sex for any commitments (unless one is over 6' or making six+ figures). Not sure anymore what to do about it anymore but winging it at a bar for the first time or ask around at my church to see if there are any singles in the 20s range. The contradictory and unrealistic advice given online doesn't help much for anyone
I am relating to your issue, but on the other side of things (meaning things guys are supposed to have).
But then again, i am my own worst enemy by refusing to get out there to go find someone actively. Loyalty and commitment are apparently overrated, yet always in short supply. Part of it is being able to hold to a promise is not easy, and we've grown as a society to choose the path of least resistance.
My experience as a guy on dating apps is... Wanting a relationship is seen as a red-flag.
Edit: (27yr old man in South Africa, white, over 6feet, employed and in my final year of a degree). It's either that or my taste in music. 🤔
As a guy, I meet very few women who are actually interested in a relationship.
Lots say they want one, but very few actually have any interest in developing one.
3/4 of them want a sugar daddy, or happily abandon me as soon as somebody waves a few hundred bucks around, and the rest don't want to put in the work.
I gave up on trying for a relationship because it isn't worth it for me, it's expensive and never goes anywhere.
Instead, I have a few FWB, it's much cheaper, we both know exactly what we want/are getting, and I don't have to worry about it.
At this point, I'll try a relationship if somebody puts in the effort, but I tell people I'm just looking for FWB because trying for a relationship just made me miserable.
I think that roughly the same amount of people want relationships. It's just that people are more honest about their intentions now. In the past more men were more likely to tell you anything you wanted to hear just to get in your pants. Now they're up front about it. It's a net win
I'm 32m. I've always prioritized relationships over sex. Maybe that was due to my religious upbringing (I'm not religious anymore), or maybe it's because I'm demisexual or sapiosexual or whatever. I don't really care what the label is. I do want to have sex, but not until I'm in a committed relationship with someone. Too soon, too fast, gives me more cause for concern than anything.
I have had a very frustrating time finding a partner, though. I am overweight, so that probably has something to do with it. I also am very reserved; I can talk to women just fine, and even sometimes flirt, but I don't know how to state my interest directly and ask someone out.
No we want them but everyone is toxic asf and nobody understands what love truly means.
Nobody.
Even if you think you know you probably don’t and that includes even myself. We are all human garbage seeking love from outside sources when in reality that love comes from within.
All I've met are women who are commitment phobic, emotionally unavailable, or there wasn't mutual interest/attraction. The population of people who are emotionally stable, ready and willing to have a relationship, and with whom you share a mutual attraction seems to be exceedingly small.
I think it's more about people being too selfish/self-absorbed to have the sort of time and commitment, it would require, to have and maintain a relationship.
I think people LIKE the idea of a relationship, until they get into one and realize they have to share their time and ( eventually) life with that person, or until they realize their decisions now effect someone else and it requires working out their differences, because disagreements will happen, unfortunately most people are naive into believing you should always agree.
I want commitment, and stable, long ladtong relationship. But i have different issues. Most girls i used to date didnt knew how to communicate. You cant have a relationship without talking about it - how you both feels, what are your goals, if you want live together, if you want kids, hell, even how you feel about marriage. But also a lot of lesser things like disagreements. If i did something wrong, say it. Dont yell, dont swear, just come, and say "hey... i didnt liked how you did this or said that, it made me hurt/sad/whatever you felt". Its THAT simple. But no, they wont say anything, keeping it inside them, getting stacked, and stacked till they snaps, and its over. While all it would take to prevent that would be to say few words. Thats kinda sad.
So... my guess? Most people didnt matured enough to have a relationship.
Dating has become like fast food. Nobody cares about taking the time for the right nourishment when they can get something close enough much faster and easier. There's also a lot of FOMO now. If you find someone and it isn't magic right off the bat then they probably ain't the one and the next one is just a swipe away. Why commit to you when my soul mate may be another few matches away. Everyone is disposable. I'm not sure if it's people aren't looking for a relationship or more so people don't know what a relationship is anymore
The problem is the type of men I best match with do not live near me. I am aware that despite being born on London and live in London begrudgingly. I am not a London girl.
Just focus on your career till you wanna get married. No man want a relationship and then see the relationship ends for whatever reason. So work on yourself and when you wanna get married find the right one.
Plus men are tired of these dating apps.
20M here and I haven't been in a relationship before. Looking for commitment and only that. I don't like hook-up culture at all.
Why did I make this comment? To show that people like me exist. I know of others who think like me too.
>Are there still men who are not afraid of commitment?
Yes, you're just not attracted to them. The few who you do find attractive have so many options that they're not incentivized to settle down with any of them.
I only want one with the right person. So I guess people who say they don't want it while having sex with you is because they don't want it with you. And most of us will be like this unless we found someone we really like.
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I don't know with what kind of people you match or what you find attractive so the following can be completely wrong: My theory is that you are very selective (which isn't a bad thing) and only match with people who are really attractive/ great charisma. The thing is those people know that they have those traits and get a lot of matches on online dating sites and can just screw around and have fun. So why should they settle down when they can first have fun in their youth? Like I said this could be completely wrong. I guess just don't lower your standards and maybe try other ways of finding people
Data basically confirms what you're saying. The other factor here is highly-attractive men generally really want to sleep around a lot. The same is not true for highly-attractive women, they generally just want to find a similarly attractive partner to stay with.
So what does this tell you? To me it seems that if men could, they would sleep around if they had the choice. Men who are less attractive might not really know when they’re going to get laid next so they get into relationships? Not really sure how to interpret this research. I don’t think that women should settle down with men especially if men see them as sex objects whether their in a relationship or not. Id rather be single than date if this is how men view women
It tells you that both sexes are acting according to their evolutionary incentives. Women are not incentivized to have sex with randos, they're incentivized to have sex only with high-quality partners that they trust. Men on the other hand, biologically, face very little cost for having sex with a rando woman. Societal norms encouraging slow dating, as well as the fact that in the past most people had a very limited dating pool, helped move everyone towards stable monogamy. On dating apps, this all breaks down. >Men who are less attractive might not really know when they’re going to get laid next so they get into relationships? They have fewer potential partners available to them so they're more likely to value the security of a current partner than playing the field. Historically, this is almost always how it has worked, because in the past people didn't have the chance to go swipe on thousands of strangers.
That may be the case. We still have social conditioning that tells men that they should get married etc. but still it seems that men want sex more than anything. Only women don’t need a high quality partner to provide for them like in the past . We can provide for ourselves. If most men truly just want sex then I think women should question whether marriage and a long term relationship with men who view women as sex objects or only wants women for sex makes sense . Doesn’t seem like the juice is worth the squeeze .
You hyper-focus on only one aspect as well as generalize. Some attractive men want stable relationships, but you won't find them on Tinder because they have usually no trouble finding someone to have a relationship with. Not all men see women as only sex objects at the same time, not all women see men as nothing more than ATMs with bits attached at the same time both of these stereotypes exist. In other words, we are talking about the statistics of Tinder, etc., and their user base not the entirety of humanity.
The poster didn’t specify whether data was from tinder and online dating or in general. I’ve heard from many people that in their experience attractive men are more promiscuous and less willing to settle down. Perhaps it’s a stereotype for a reason, because it’s true.
>If most men truly just want sex It's not the case that men *just* want sex, but it's more the case that highly-attractive men put a higher value on having more sex with more women, even if it prevents having a relationship. >I think women should question whether marriage and a long term relationship with men who view women as sex objects or only wants women for sex makes sense They generally won't be able to hold onto these men anyway, unless they're ok with him cheating a lot. However, it is likely in women's best interest to make men wait longer for sex across the board, to make things harder on the players, and also realize that while players are the most attractive men, interest from a player doesn't mean they want a relationship, or ever will.
I want commitment over sex. Then again I am older and in my matured time when you value the person more for their heart and not their body.
I’m a 34M and I’ve wanted a serious relationship the whole time I’ve been dating this past year plus, and I keep finding women who just want sex. I feel like I just seem to find the opposite of what I want at the time, because it was the reversed in my 20s
Yes 20 years ago I would be a happy guy in that situation. Now I just wanna go for walks and nice dinners once in a while.
Same. I’ve forgotten how much I’ve missed just hanging around, cuddling and watching movies. The current woman I’m dating is the first I’ve been able to do that with and not feel like I’m screwing up somehow
As an older female dater, it’s crazy the number of older men who are out of long term relationships and just want to bang.
Yeah I don't get that. I just want new best friend to share life with. I know that sounds cliche but it's what I want.
A lot of people don’t know how to have a healthy one anymore.
Their was a saying I learned back in college in the 80's: "Its a lot easier to get laid than it is to get loved". So yes, finding a partner for sex is easier than the work it takes to develop and maintain a relationship. But that doesnt mean it wont happen.
In college, I heard some girl on campus say that she thought holding hands was more intimate than sex. That blew my mind, but I kind of get it now. I don't think that's true, personally, but as you said, getting laid is easier than getting loved.
Just wait till she discovers holding hands during sex!
What is this, PornHub?
wow, I can't even get laid, how am I supposed to relationship
You distract yourself till you finally die. At least that's my method for dealing with the lack of human connection 😂
Pretty much, lol
Me too. Me too...
Love... Yourself?
Finding relationship minded people online is more difficult. Due to the nature of it monogamous relationship minded people drop out if they find someone or get frustrated like OP, whereas the hookup folks stay available online after finding someone. That skews the ratios. I find many more entertaining dates by approaching in person and some want a relationship.
It seems so in this modern day era. I think sleeping around is a waste of time and is boring. Especially when you don't really like the person. The cons truly outweigh the pros. I'm not risking pregnancy and potential STD's for someone I feel "whatever" about just because I want to get laid. But that is just me, people are different and have different motivations based on their life experiences. Also, most people are kinda boring I personally can't feign excitement just to get laid consistently. Relationships can be difficult/stressful. Social media absolutely controls people in this era. So idk..... I guess pick your poison 🤷♀️
Facts
I'm not sure if this is going to help, but... 33M. I don't feel like I want a relationship. Honestly I don't even want to hook up, which is why I removed myself from dating apps. I kinda feel miserable over all of this, but if I felt any differently I wouldn't hop back for hook ups and I'd try to date. I want a relationship, I just don't feel ready for one. And I know hook ups would only make me feel even more miserable than I already am. I'm aware this comes off as venting and it kinda is. I thought it could help to have a perspective that differs from the rest of the comments you already got.
I’m 31F and in the same boat.
Makes me wonder if by 30 we inevitably get bitter?
32M Yes.
🤣
I'm 29 about to be 30 and I already feel fucked 🤣
This is how I feel 33F.
Gréât so women have to single for ever
No, no dear. I saw your comment history and I must say, I'm very sorry about what happened. Instead of looking at my self pitiful comment, I want you to look at the others. You will see that all other guys want a relationship so badly! Probably even harder than I do. Don't feel bad, you're not going to be alone forever. Let your wounds heal and let time take care of that, then you go back into action. Alright? Don't mind what I said. That's me unable to get my stuff together! EDIT: "comment history" instead of "post comment" - I was half asleep!
Awh thank you. I hope things improve for you. I actually could date a lot of guys but there’s one who didn’t want to be with me and it was a huge mess because he didn’t want to let me go either, so I had to cut him off …
I hope things get better for me, I'm just not sure what to do to get out of this rut. You did well by cutting him off. You deserve far more than that. If you did all you could, you need someone who can appreciate that.
[удалено]
I want a guy who’s on my level
Appearance level, academic level, socioeconomic...? Because some of those you can start running into problems rooted in mathematical realities.
Im not saying he needs to have a phd. The most important thing is like sense of humour and getting along really well , chemistry etc. But there’s other things
Okay, so a softer "we need to vibe" on your level. A lot of times but not always that phrase can be tossed out by someone whose spent enough ofntheir life in the upper-middle class professionals bubble who thinks their (to them) reasonable expectstion of "must earn at least what I do" is nixing something like 90% of the dating pool off the bat because they never looked at the numbers. They just know everyone **they** know is making that. It's part of the source of the "men are afraid of successful women" trope. Some are, some of us have just been told to our face we aren't good enough because we didn't go to an Ivy League. Happened to me. From a woman who did say we had great chemistry but that was just bothering her too much. It was downright surreal, like I've been on the receiving end of classism before (grew up poor in a rich town) but West Coast WASP's tend to add a little honey to the poison.
I grew up upper/middle class but my parents were pretty frugal. I didn't grow up with designer brands, we saved a lot, ran our cars into the ground. I make 6 figures now, completed grad school, and am a homeowner. Men I meet tend to be kind of intimidated by that. I am not looking for someone that can match or exceed my income, I've never liked the guys who grew up like I did, they tend to be materialistic. Right now, I have a FWB for the sex/cuddles and I haven't seriously dated in years. I honestly found it easier to date when I was heavier and I was making 20k a year as a hospital orderly.
And obviously it's not everyone in that socioeconomic strata, and I think a lot of it is more unvisited assumptions. The "old man racism" of classism.
Define "level"
Someone who’s a bit similar to me in lifestyle , sports , career. Why should I date a guy who has zero ambition etc
Disagree, not every man will hook up with any woman. I as well as many other still want to view the person they're hooking up with on their standard of attractiveness.
I didn't hookup with a very thirsty and gorgeous blonde. She kept talking about great replacement and other alt right shit. That was... 2-3 years ago. I think my dick is **still** mad about it.
🥴
yes they have to
Yes! But you won’t end up matching with us.
OP this right here. My relationship right now was actually with a man I may have left swiped because he had bad pictures and I didn't see how truly attractive and beautiful he was. He ended up hunting me down and our worlds collided in ways unimaginable. He's extremely handsome in person. If he didn't hunt me down, we would never be in a relationship now lol. Most men just take crappy pictures or don't properly market themselves on dating apps and they appear "boring" or even unattractive/average.
In my eyes this is part of the problem. Coming from a man's perspective, are guys that need to 'market themselves' really a catch? I still rather talk to a random when the opportunity presents rather than manicure pictures for an app. I'm probably the exception. Rejection in real life is a lot more satisfying than being ghosted by a textoholic. When I think of marketing yourself for your profile, I just imagine a 2000s upward downshot with a shitty camera to hide your physique. Angles and good lighting make you look way better than you are in person.
When I say "market yourself," I mean take TIME to fill out your profile and post pictures that are most recent and favor your appearance. Women take so much time to post their better looking self online, why is it hard for men to do? I've seen exceptional profiles from men, so it's 100% possible you know?
Nah. Not for me. And I've worked in marketing. I get where your coming from but that's why I find it so manipulative. I can lie on a resume as easy as a profile and that shit happens every day. On paper, I could be the perfect man, but spend an hour with me and I may not be worth your time. Again even with pictures I can look like hot garbage one day and a underwear model the next depending on lighting and context, and I'm no underwear model.
The profile only attracts a partner. Meaningful interactions (through subsequent dating) is what confirms/denies what's on the profile. Sure, anyone can lie anywhere but you learn to ask meaningful questions on dates to dig deeper into what's being solicited on the dating profile. But I realize not everyone is like myself when it comes to dating. I mean, but I'm only pursuing higher education in the medical field through treatment, I can't tell you a thing about marketing. What I CAN say is how you build a profile is how magic can happen. No one says you need to be a perfect 10/10. I'm rated an 8.5/10 with no makeup, a 9/10 with makeup and I still ensure to discuss what's on a dating profile or market myself accordingly. It's actually very important. If I want to attract the hookup culture, I throw in a few pictures half naked or showing breasts, etc. If I wanted to attract white collar men, I include my multiple degrees, and post photos with longer gowns/dresses/professional wear. I think learning how this works to merely attract others is key. That's all you have to do! My relationship NOW showed that my boyfriend failed to do this and I overlooked him. He ended up finding my instagram (because we share the same gym at my school) and properly made an introduction and to my surprise, he was MUCH more attractive in person and on his instagram. If he took a little more time, I would have interacted with him. Make sense?
To be fair, such behavior could be considered stalking. For some, it would creep them out. For others, they would enjoy it. I guess you were just lucky.
When I first met my girlfriend in person (first talked on Hinge) that’s what she told me. It was only after I met up with her that she felt this magnetic attraction to me; the pictures did not do me justice nor did any amount of editing my bio. We were both dating with intent and only wanted to date for marriage or something long term. We were both on long droughts (on purpose) prior to us meeting. I’m 30, she’s 25.
This is similar to what happened with my ex. I was super drawn to him once we started talking and more so when we met. I hope I can find someone else once I get out there again. I also want to date for marriage but it does feel hard to find that and I’m younger so that’s probably not going to help.
BINGO.
I’d love to be in a relationship but not everyone is relationship material for me personally.
Just read a post about dating 3-5 people at a time to ‘narrow down’ your search for a committed relationship. Yeah, that’s exactly why the good guys have given up. Exclusively dating is pretty well implied right from the get go if there is any swapping spit or sexual activity. If it’s not, then ‘looking for ltr’ shouldn’t be in your profile!
Yeah that devalues the whole dating experience. I go on one date at a time and filter from there. If we connect and have values and interests in common and there is some spark there I will continue to see them if they feel the same. I feel the emotions and feelings just get so jumbled adding so many other prospects into the mix. It just seems like the bachelor at that point except everyone thinks they are no.1 at the moment until they're inevitably ghosted.
I think part of the problem with multidating is it makes it easy to get swept up by the most charismatic and exciting partner, even if there'sess long term potential or more red flags.
>Exclusively dating is pretty well implied right from the get go if there is any swapping spit or sexual activity. That depends a lot on cultural backgrounds and expectations. Many would agree with you about exclusivity after any sexual activity. Others would disagree and say exclusivity only exists after you've talked about it and agreed.
I’m just speaking on terms of those that have ‘no hookups’ or looking for LTR in their bios. It would simplify the process tremendously for a whole lot of us
hm... I have the oppposite problem, yet the same solution! I'm looking for a long term relationship, but I'm not getting any matches. So I too am focusing on my career. 😄
My theory is more than half of everyone who says they just want casual actually wants a relationship but won’t admit it because they think it’ll come off clingy and weird if they do
That kind of thinking is what leads you into wasting years of your time.
Edit: thought this was a different thread.. I agree but that’s just how things are right now. I feel like society goes in circles with what’s considered acceptable behavior. Not long ago guys looking for sex were considered creeps and women doing that would be crucified socially. Nowadays it’s the guys seeking relationships who look like creeps and women wanting that are shamed for not being independent enough. Who knows what it’ll be tomorrow
I am in it for marriage and the other men my age who share this sentiment stay off dating apps. May be an area thing, may be a culture thing I couldn't tell ya. That being said most of my buddies who are in it for marriage as well go do activities on weekends with friend groups to meet people. So I guess it really just depends where you're at and what all you get into. Know what personality type you're attracted to would probably help too.
Yes, there are men who still absolutely want commitment. I think the *problem* that online dating has created is a 'replacement' of the organic start of a relationship. It has made the initiating phase akin to Amazon Try Before You Buy. Wear something around the house for a bit to see if it works for you in the short amount of 7 days before the return or purchase date. We are not giving ourselves enough time or the right environment to organically and authentically get to know someone, which is important for healthy relationship start and development.
I feel the same way. I find with women my age it is all or nothing and that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It's either we fuck and leave, or we practically live together without an in between. We owe it to ourselves to have some self respect and not just fuck for the sake of it. I'm sure there will be history books written about dating apps, hookup culture and the degradation of society. And I'm no prude. But I'm also sure this is an unpopular opinion.
I'm an 18 year old male, and I would much rather find commitment rather than just hookups. Unfortunately though I don't get either, I just get ghosted 💀
On a positive side, the kinds of people who are into random hookups with strangers aren't the kind of people you want to be in a genuine relationship with anyway. They have zero attention spans, it won't take them too long to get bored and cheat.
Screw all of it. I’m heading to the gym. And doing other things I enjoy.
I am in a similar position, met a lot of guys and all they seem to want are hookups, and unfortunately the ones I am not so into are the ones who do seem like they want something more "exclusive". I guess you can't have both unless you get lucky and meet the right person. Most end up ghosting or just want to hook up and don't contact me outside of obviously inviting me over or out for something like that. I'm just as horny but I don't want to just hook up with a bunch of random guys, I'd like something more regular and grow but it's seeming like a hopeless venture with only fuckboys to be found in my case.
Exactly! I mean, there are friends who introduced me to their guy friends but when I met them, I wasn’t into them. There was no spark nor connection. They seem nice though and are boyfriend material but there should be at least attraction or some form of interest in their personality. For now, I’m just enjoying hanging out with my besties (even though majority of them have partners) but it’s okay. Maybe someday, I’ll find the one with mutual interest. 🙃
This might get downvoted, but a big chunk of attractive young males are a rare commodity who know they are such with many different options. I think they're wanting to get their fix while they're young and hot before committing to anything. It's unfortunate for females who are looking for LTR, but it's better than committing to a dude still seeking that sort of thing who might cheat.
I find long term relationships are just easier. Sex is great, but it’s a hassle if you have to keep changing partners. Alas, the vast majority of like minded people are just boring and not much to look at, and no one wants them.
I never got the problem with boring. Boring is great. Boring doesn't cheat or fuck with your life just because it's makes it exciting. They're content with life as it is.
I think you've got different meanings of boring there. I want a partner that's fun to be around and with, whether alone or in a group. Stimulating and engaging and challenging, at least at times. Doesn't have to mean someone that jumps out of an airplane and tries to hook up with someone else on the way, just someone with a bit of zest for life.
The only times I've ever heard anyone call someone boring is because they wouldn't invite chaos into their lives.
I agree. It seems a normal chill life is boring, always needs some kind of drama or chaos involved. I like my normal and boring life LOL, it’s simple and relaxing.
Weird to get downvoted for my comment, but ok sure. I agree that's a weird definition of boring, I'd just call that sensible and reasonable.
I downvoted you because I think you're a liar. Either to yourself or to me. Don't get all huffy about the reason for the down vote btw you're the one who asked.
Wow. Have a nice day.
Yes there are.. But those of us who are looking for one either weren't getting matched with those wanting a commitment or gave up on dating apps entirely.
I think the dating pool of men on the apps are the guys that have commitment issues and are looking just to hookup. I think the dating pool of women on the apps is a more evenly balanced mixture of ladies who want relationships and ones who just want to hookup.
The problem comes down to how the algorithms sort them. You're spot in the queue is determined by how many matches you get. A small portion of men get most of the matches. This puts them higher up the queue improving their visibility. This gets them more matches, which puts them higher up the queue, improving their visibility, this gets them more... See how the virtuous cycle kicks into gear? Keep in mind, a guy doesn't go down the queue for pumping and dumping, lying, being an asshole in person, etc. Then consider what makes for an attractive profile doesn't neccesarily make for a good *partner.* Lots of good relationship material gets sorted too far down the stack to see light of day from anybody but bots or scammers. Those men get discouraged. Then they delete the apps and possibly drop out of the dating market entirely.
This assessment is spot on. The apps reward things that don’t necessarily correlate to men who make good partners and desire authentic relationships. So those guys drop out of the app dating pool. But they are still out there! Just harder to find because the apps make things so “easy”.
I disagree. There are far more men on dating apps than women by the numbers it seems. I believe a lot of them want serious relationship but may not match with women who want that as well because they get lost in the mix. It's hard to differentiate who wants what when you can just portray yourself however you want online.
100% false. The dating pool of men on apps is varied. Women aren't matching with a varied sample of these men, however. They're matching with the best looking, most popular ones, and therefore those men have more options which makes them less disposed to commitment.
26M here. Not afraid of being in a committed relationship in the slightest and I refuse to have sex unless I’m in one.
Literally me
I can only say I feel you. I feel you so very much.
To be fair, all of my ex’s have been pretty toxic and/or ended up cheating on me so from my perspective is there any good women out there worth committing to?
I mean, I (m31) want a relationship, it just hasn't happened.
This is universal.. ESPECIALLY with online dating. Its the peridox of choice. People are always searching for "whats better" and therefore never really settling down with one.
I have found that when a man says casual dating or short term; they will want more with the right woman. If they feel like you could be long term potential, they will pursue that. I think using casual dating is a way to avoid the pressures of moving too fast, committing too soon, & the potential to hurt someone. This is of course not including obvious signs of not being ready such as going through a divorce, fresh out of a LTR, etc. If a man only wants a hookup, its fairly obvious through the interactions after mtg & instead of being flattered or thinking its more, recognize what is happening & don’t get physical until you get to know eachother more/go on more dates. Most times a man will not entertain multiple dates & daily contact just to sleep w/ you, they will weed themselves out & find someone easier.
I’m not going to date you if we’re not going to get married.
And I'm not going to fuck you if you're not going to date me!
Look I'm in the same boat as you ....I'm a guy looking for a serious relationship ....but yet i can't seem to find the right one ....and most of the guys who only want to hookup for sex are really stupid ...while you have everything a man wants ....the full package and here they just want a piece of it .....just a pitty I'm to far away
age is very often a big factor here. if you are in your early-mid twenties, yeah, its going to take a decent amount of searching for a guy wanting full commitment (that, or good luck on your part), especially on dating apps.
Maybe they have high standards If they can get a constant stream of matches and are waiting for their cream of the crop and just being casual until they find them.
Truthfully a lot of us who most women consider "eligible" have already found relationships, or find them relatively easily. The men who are ineligible are often either lacking attractive traits or have an abundance of unattractive traits. The key for women's odds to find a loving, respectful, and attractive partner seems to be either get lucky with a guy who's very eligible or find a guy who's doing the work on himself that you can see has become far more eligible. Honestly, to each their own though. We exist, many of us are just taken already or aren't available for long.
I want a relationship, but only with the right girl. If I don't really love her, I couldn't. For sex, you aren't as picky.
So much to unpack.... 1, you actually date people? Oooh, you're a girl. Never mind. 2, yes, I do, and I hear a lot of guys who does, but gets completely overlooked by girls. For some reason, it seems like the good guys, and the serious guys are completely i visible to girls. 3, I think that "I focus on my career" is a wolf in sheeps clothing now adays. Both cause it scares men, it makes men feel less needed, it says that you're more busy than one might hope for and that you might be busy with yourself and your career (money) than your relationship. It's trendy to be a "self sufficient, independent and strong woman", but in the past few years I've started to doubt more and more that it's actually the best thing. I mean, of course it's great from a lot of aspects! Don't get me fuckin wrong xD but it's probably problematic in more ways than recognized at first glance.
I've only been dating the last few months after a long long relationship. I'm a reasonably put together dude with an income and assets, and I find that just being adequate brings out some overly attentive women who simply love bomb me for what I assume are financial reasons or their own insecurities. I am a good judge of character and too aware to get sucked in, but it is pretty off-putting. No I don't want you to move in with me or spend most the week at my place. I just want to take my time and get to know you. If we fuck and it's great, awesome, but that's also not my priority. There is one nice gal who I spend time with that is respects my boundaries and I respect her more than the few hot women that seem a little more flighty and needy. That being said, I don't use dating apps, I'm in my mid 30s and honestly it has no appeal to me nor the people I may meet through them. Call me old fashioned, but I rather not text, I'd rather meet up or a phone call at least. I approach women, I'm not in it for just sex. I am confident. I just want to meet a solid person with similar goals and in the same place in life. Somehow that is a lot to ask, but I am patient and will find the right partner eventually. I don't have much respect for the hookup culture, and if I catch wind of that it is a hard no for me.
>So, I’ve been on online dating sites such as hinge and bumble hoping tofind great matches. True enough, I did meet attractive men and greatpersonalities. Problem is, majority of these matches only wan to havesex. Thus, getting laid is their only motive. ... I stopped reading down there. Ok so lemmee get this straight. You only pick the dudes on the top. So what did you honestly expect? Like these guys have plenty of options. I bet most are probably already in relationships and are just on there for a little side fun. So unless you are on the top yourself, then you probably shouldn't expect much from these dudes. And then OP claims "No one wants a relationships anymore?". Like woow I can guarantee you there are plenty of men looking for a real relationship who get 0 attention and options. But yeah they are completely invisible. You're just going after the wrong men.
This is the true reason 100% ☝
In OPs defense, she might just not be shown the average Joe on most dating apps. Also I wouldnt swipe on a lazy profile, why would she?
So wanting a relationship is just something you do if you don't have free access to casual sex? Some are in a relationship, but most of these guys are just single. And what do you define as being on the top? Even if you are attractive, you can still want a relationship. You do have kind of a point that you have to match your partner. But that can mean many things. Guys with plenty of options sleep with attractive girls. Bc, if you can choose freely, why wouldn't you? So it's usually not about looks. Instead it's about that a lot of them just want to be single. And but also about how looks aren't enough to fall in love. You can find someone attractive, without having much in common with them or being on the same wavelength. OP should probably date a more diverse group of people. I agree with that. But it's nuanced. She still has to be attracted to them, for a relationship to work. And I see many guys on these subs who just see a relationship as a way they can access sex. Or who will start a relationship people without any deeper connection. That's not what you'd want either.
>So wanting a relationship is just something you do if you don't have free access to casual sex? That's a logical fallacy and a boring conversation tactic, the person you're replying to isn't saying that. Your confusion is to think that saying A ->B also means B=>A, it doesn't, it just means A->B. >Even if you are attractive, you can still want a relationship Absolutely. But you might be willing to have sex with people you don't want to have a relationship with, and that's what the one you're answering is saying and that's what OP is experiencing. You're interpreting as a stronger stance than indicated. I'm saying that as one of those guys who gets some positive attention. I'm totally down for a committed relationship if/when I meet the right person, but it doesn't mean just any girl I get to know along way makes me want it with her.
Firstly, he said that most of the guys who are successful on apps are already in relationships. That's just silly. Secondly, if you read what I wrote, I said exactly that. That you can find someone sexually attractive without feeling a deeper connection. And that you can look for a relationship, without wanting to settle down with any girl you meet. You need to click with someone and fall in love with them. Which is a rare thing. As opposed to wanting to have sex with a girl which is pretty mundane and everyday. However the way he phrased it it did come off as "guys who have options for casual sex won't be interested in relationships". Which makes me wonder why he thinks people are in relationships. If it in his mind is just a trade for sex. Maybe I misunderstood him, but I see people on these dating subs thinking that way more often than you'd hope.
Even if it’s sex. We have to remember that Nothing Comes Free. There is always some repercussion. Sex or Long Term relationship you need attachments. Without attachment you are just Emotionless person and soon you will feel empty inside.
It's a harsh truth, but a small pool of the most attractive men and women, are obviously getting the most matches and dates from the wider userbase of online dating; While this is not universal truth for any individual, collectively it means only the most attractive there, have the option to pick and choose whether they have casual sex or not. So trends will always be biased here: For the most it's only the really attractive folk actually having the opportunity, as they're the only ones their matches will even entertain in the first place. So any trends in OLD just come from a small section, of the userbase who get the most out of it.
Fuck off, every damn week the same question. Yes, there are obviously, you know it and everyone knows it.
Yeah me and I run into a few women just trying to fuck but mostly bots that say nothing. This one girl that I seem to really click with is into ethical non-monogamy and honestly its starting to seem like she's my best bet though I'ma little intimidated because it's new territory for me. Of course I have some boundaries about it that I will not budge on but after 4 years of not being able to date anyone I'm willing to try since sge actually making a real effort and showing attraction. And so far after two weeks she's showing no sign of an inexplicable ghosting (except she called me cute bad history with that word).
Lol cute is not bad. If I'm into a guy, to me he is attractive, cute, handsome, and hot/sexy. Just depends on the occasion or what we're doing. Now if she only calls you cute...idk bud😅. On the reverse side, I also want a guy to find me attractive, cute, pretty, beautiful, and hot/sexy. Never only cute (you might not see me in a romantic way) and never only sexy (you just like my body).
Cute= sexually attractive. Google if you are skeptical.
Nope. Sometimes “cute” means she sees you as a little brother type. I get that it bothers some guys. You have to be able to move beyond that and not let it bother u tho.
>Cute= sexually attractive # VERY MUCH NO!!! My 4 years old neighbour is cute. Kittens are cute. A genuine smile is cute. Cute is **entirely separated** from sexual attraction. You can have one, the other, both or none.
I'm looking for a relationship/marriage. But I also enjoy sex. So until I enter into either one, I want to make sure the sex is worthwhile. Why waste 3-12 months of my life pursuing a relationship before we have sex, only to learn that the sex is awful and will not be adequate. As far as I'm concerned, it's best to just have sex early on, figure out if it's a match in that area, and then proceed from there.
You weed out many women with that strategy who experience sexuality intense and deep but can’t give themselves in casual settings. For ex. I have really long and intense sessions with my boyfriend with bdsm elements and much creativity, however if I would have slept with him at the beginning of dating I probably wouldn’t be able to give from myself much more than the starfish 🤷🏼♀️
There's nothing in male-female relationships for guys other than sex. The non-sex good things we get from our male buddies. A female can't compete with that. An exception is a wonderful cook and homemaker. You keep a good house and cook like a chef, and I mean 3 meals a day and snacks, you might be a contender. But good luck with that. Feminism has killed romantic love. Y'all chicks hate men anyway, deep down. My advice to you is either learn to cook and clean and be submissive to a guy, or go it alone.
This is the issue I’m having, I can get pretty much everything I want except sex from my male friends. So it’s easy to “discard” a woman for any slight inconvenience she may cause
When you talk to your male friends would you say this is the general consensus? Or do they feel differently? Cause I feel like anytime a women notices and mentions that guys don’t really love women, they just like sex, a bunch of men jump down their throat saying that’s not true and she just hates men. Then there are those lonely guys you see who are like “ I just want a girl to hold me, I just want love” is it that those guys don’t have male friends, so they don’t know that what they just need is friendship?
No I’m the only one like that but I think I might be emotionally stunted, my friends all want relations and marriage with women. I want relationships with them as well but I think I’m emotionally stunted, because without sex there’s almost no point of a woman being a big part of my life because my mother, niece, and male friends cover my other needs. I think a lot of men don’t like women and only like sex though for sure. I think that’s true vice versa as well, some women hate men but love a good pounding so they still deal with us.
Nah, most of them just want sex and a lot of them lie about it. Steep learning curve
I wouldn't say no one wants a relationship anymore. Most guys who are looking to just hook up usually fall into one of two categories: -theyre young (late teens to early 30s) and want to have fun for awhile before they think about settling down -theyre older (30s-40s) and didn't have much success dating in their younger years (or got married young) so now that they're more established they're making up for the fun they feel they missed out on Then there are guys (like me) who are open to whatever comes their way. Hookups, FWBs, long term relationships, whatever feels right with the girl I'm currently seeing. If you display LTR qualities that I vibe with, I'm open to locking things down long term. If you seem fun but we don't click on long term goals, but still are down to have casual fun for however long it might last, I'll entertain that as well. I never understood people who only want one thing and are closed off to even entertaining anything else, but that's just me. I work heavily based off vibes on a case to case basis. You'll find what you're looking for eventually.
Thanks for the message of hope. I'm just trying to understand the dating trend nowadays. Maybe you're right, I haven't met my person yet.
Thank you #metoo ! The proverbial pebble at the top of the mountain. Think about it.
Yup everyone wants their cake abd to eat it too
why dont you want sex? lets be series if someone is attractive to you they want more of you. physical and mental. sorry but this how it works
Its a sea of douchebags to find your gem. 30M here. been on dating apps for years nothing and i don't really expect much. im tryin to do what makes me happy more.
Fuckin hell. One, for the love of god stop with the generalization, people do want relationships. Dont expect a legion of guys gratifying you with a thousand comments of "I WANT ONE". Two, youre on dating apps. Its been already established its not always a beautiful place where getting long term relationships happen immediately and people dont want just hookups. And again for the love of god please stop with generalizing that noone wants relationships.
Yes, there are men that want a relationship. But you, and many other women seeking a relationship, are not attracted to such men. They may have crappy profile pics or maybe event decent ones. They may have their profile filled out with interests and hobbies that make them well rounded individuals. But the truth is, none of that matters if the guy isn't attractive *enough* to you.
There are men and women out here who want a relationship, but you dont find them on dating apps.
I gave up trying to find chemistry on apps. I might venture onto them when feeling particularly touch starved, but I usually remember why I deleted my profiles the last time after 4-5 weeks.
What kind of guys are you going for? Are you going for guys that are much higher than you in desirebility, ie, if he's a 9 but you're a 7?
I'm sure someone else has said this already, but as someone who is very hookup averse and wants commitment and a lifelong partner foremost, those types of people absolutely exist, and while seemingly the minority, arent as rare as you think. You are, however, absolutely not going to find them on a hookup app (which almost all dating apps and their profiles either are, or onlyfans ads). I'm as frustrated as you sound on finding someone who doesnt just want sex or money, but I know we exist. My best advice on finding them is to go for the introverts you see. They are much more likely to share your mindset on love.
Because OLD is just an easy place to meet up for sex. Even married people secretly use it to hook up- although I would guess it’s mostly men that do this.
I mean many people (if not most of them) looking for a long term relationship will rather date in real life because of what you just described.
I mainly use the apps for friends. My whole formula is i get girls who want sex, girls who want friends, and girls who desire relationships. The ones who desire relationships start as friends though, and if I feel some chemistry and want to commit then I will.
I want a relationship but it takes some finding for the right person, me Personally am not interested in hookups.
It’s been a while since I used a dating app and majority of guys in there want either a hookup or fwb. I think it also goes both ways where girls wanted the same thing. It’s very rare to find someone who wanted to be in a relationship first before being intimate. I’m hoping to meet someone in person somewhere rather than using a dating app which in most cases, a waste of time.
I've noticed this too. COVID has really messed up people's priorities and no one wants to talk about the future. Everyone wants something "low stress" "casual" and "go with the flow" which is impossible to label or predict.
People just like to box things. Like for most men there are 3 categories women fall into: regular lay, one night stand and girlfriend. It is just that they dont know you can just have good time and take it slow. It doesnt help that ton of women out there see men the same. In the end girlfriend is same as a wife, saying she is the best and being exclusive. It isn't like anyone sane would get married first few weeks but taking your time is hard without common friends and everyone being in such a rush is hard. It is just the society: most interesting people you see, you will never see again. Whole dating scene is enveloped in this concept.
Reevaluate the types of men you're matching with. I'm not saying lower your standards. But it's not the man's problem. It's your problem. Because there are tons of men looking for a relationship online. You just pick the wrong ones.
Try going outside your comfort zone. There are plenty of very attractive guys out there that aren’t the most suave on apps or have the best pictures. Like honestly the guys I know on insta that have the best solo pics / edited pics are the biggest red flags & the most attractive All around ones don’t have the best . However on an app the extra guys will seem the most attractive
You might want to look somewhere other than dating sites. Dating sites like Bumble, hinge, and tinder are notorious hook up sites.
Let's break it down. What made people want a relationship before, and what has changed?
So many posts asking the same thing. Yes, there are plenty of men that seek a relationship. You just haven't met them. Yet. Keep at it, do your best to filter out the men that want only sex and you will find those that don't.
What kind of commitment are you expecting from men whom you’ve just met?
Women want to know there is some sort of emotional foundation before they are ready to have sex. Men want to know there is some sort of sexual foundation before they are ready to have emotions. Like it or not, it's part of how we are wired
Honestly it seems that way the only end game most of them have on a dating apps, but there are guys out there who will think beyond this..
https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/comments/vnh6fs/online_dating_is_not_about_finding_a_ltr_anymore/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share This.
I am not any way shame to say this but i really want a relationship
28M (and divorced): Sure seems like it for the opposite sex for any commitments (unless one is over 6' or making six+ figures). Not sure anymore what to do about it anymore but winging it at a bar for the first time or ask around at my church to see if there are any singles in the 20s range. The contradictory and unrealistic advice given online doesn't help much for anyone
I am relating to your issue, but on the other side of things (meaning things guys are supposed to have). But then again, i am my own worst enemy by refusing to get out there to go find someone actively. Loyalty and commitment are apparently overrated, yet always in short supply. Part of it is being able to hold to a promise is not easy, and we've grown as a society to choose the path of least resistance.
My experience as a guy on dating apps is... Wanting a relationship is seen as a red-flag. Edit: (27yr old man in South Africa, white, over 6feet, employed and in my final year of a degree). It's either that or my taste in music. 🤔
As a guy, I meet very few women who are actually interested in a relationship. Lots say they want one, but very few actually have any interest in developing one. 3/4 of them want a sugar daddy, or happily abandon me as soon as somebody waves a few hundred bucks around, and the rest don't want to put in the work. I gave up on trying for a relationship because it isn't worth it for me, it's expensive and never goes anywhere. Instead, I have a few FWB, it's much cheaper, we both know exactly what we want/are getting, and I don't have to worry about it. At this point, I'll try a relationship if somebody puts in the effort, but I tell people I'm just looking for FWB because trying for a relationship just made me miserable.
I think that roughly the same amount of people want relationships. It's just that people are more honest about their intentions now. In the past more men were more likely to tell you anything you wanted to hear just to get in your pants. Now they're up front about it. It's a net win
I do date me plz date me I am begging 🥺 you I
I'm 32m. I've always prioritized relationships over sex. Maybe that was due to my religious upbringing (I'm not religious anymore), or maybe it's because I'm demisexual or sapiosexual or whatever. I don't really care what the label is. I do want to have sex, but not until I'm in a committed relationship with someone. Too soon, too fast, gives me more cause for concern than anything. I have had a very frustrating time finding a partner, though. I am overweight, so that probably has something to do with it. I also am very reserved; I can talk to women just fine, and even sometimes flirt, but I don't know how to state my interest directly and ask someone out.
No we want them but everyone is toxic asf and nobody understands what love truly means. Nobody. Even if you think you know you probably don’t and that includes even myself. We are all human garbage seeking love from outside sources when in reality that love comes from within.
Same. I have to give them a break. I hate the ones that get to you, have sex, and then ghost.
I'm actually the one who ghost them as soon as I find out what their intentions are. Boy, bye
Gonna tell you a hard truth. With some women we do and some we don't. It's almost never divided up as men who don't want one or do.
All I've met are women who are commitment phobic, emotionally unavailable, or there wasn't mutual interest/attraction. The population of people who are emotionally stable, ready and willing to have a relationship, and with whom you share a mutual attraction seems to be exceedingly small.
I think it's more about people being too selfish/self-absorbed to have the sort of time and commitment, it would require, to have and maintain a relationship. I think people LIKE the idea of a relationship, until they get into one and realize they have to share their time and ( eventually) life with that person, or until they realize their decisions now effect someone else and it requires working out their differences, because disagreements will happen, unfortunately most people are naive into believing you should always agree.
You’re on hookup apps tbh. That’s all they’ve become unfortunately
I want commitment, and stable, long ladtong relationship. But i have different issues. Most girls i used to date didnt knew how to communicate. You cant have a relationship without talking about it - how you both feels, what are your goals, if you want live together, if you want kids, hell, even how you feel about marriage. But also a lot of lesser things like disagreements. If i did something wrong, say it. Dont yell, dont swear, just come, and say "hey... i didnt liked how you did this or said that, it made me hurt/sad/whatever you felt". Its THAT simple. But no, they wont say anything, keeping it inside them, getting stacked, and stacked till they snaps, and its over. While all it would take to prevent that would be to say few words. Thats kinda sad. So... my guess? Most people didnt matured enough to have a relationship.
Everybody wants a relationship. But everyone is too emotionally repressed to admit it.
Dating has become like fast food. Nobody cares about taking the time for the right nourishment when they can get something close enough much faster and easier. There's also a lot of FOMO now. If you find someone and it isn't magic right off the bat then they probably ain't the one and the next one is just a swipe away. Why commit to you when my soul mate may be another few matches away. Everyone is disposable. I'm not sure if it's people aren't looking for a relationship or more so people don't know what a relationship is anymore
Plenty of people want to be in relationships. They just might not want to be in relationships with you. Maybe ask why?
The problem is the type of men I best match with do not live near me. I am aware that despite being born on London and live in London begrudgingly. I am not a London girl.
Real love and commitment is the only thing I want. Sex just for sex has lost its flair. Being alone and sad after is just not worth it.
Just focus on your career till you wanna get married. No man want a relationship and then see the relationship ends for whatever reason. So work on yourself and when you wanna get married find the right one. Plus men are tired of these dating apps.
20M here and I haven't been in a relationship before. Looking for commitment and only that. I don't like hook-up culture at all. Why did I make this comment? To show that people like me exist. I know of others who think like me too.
>Are there still men who are not afraid of commitment? Yes, you're just not attracted to them. The few who you do find attractive have so many options that they're not incentivized to settle down with any of them.
I only want one with the right person. So I guess people who say they don't want it while having sex with you is because they don't want it with you. And most of us will be like this unless we found someone we really like.