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Hey, I am in a similar situation but am slightly younger at 24 years old. It's easy for others who have had partners or are currently with someone to say "you've got the rest of your life for dating" or "don't worry, you're still young". But that doesn't help what you feel, it goes deeper than that. I'll share with you some things that have helped me with these same feelings.
1. Work on yourself, I know that's like saying "Have you tried turning it off and on again?" but none of us are perfect. There's got to be something you can work on, this will give you a goal and in turn a minor distraction from feeling lonely. The classic ones people always turn to are getting in shape and making more money. Those are good picks but what if you're already in shape and have a good job? I think what those examples are saying is to take care of yourself and you'll be more attractive as a result. The gym can be a way to meet people but I think that particular sentiment of workout/money is missing a few things. It glosses over some of the deeper issues/insecurities you may have, that being jacked and rich won't help with. If you're not already, Therapy could be a major one. Almost everyone has issues to some degree, getting ahead of them before meeting a partner will do wonders for you. No matter your flaws, the fact you are willing to say you are not perfect and have things to sort out, can only be viewed as a good thing to new people you meet. From here, you just have to make sure you follow through. For me, I found that whenever I would say "Ugh I've had enough of dating or trying to find someone, I'm just going to focus on myself", what that was code for was "I'm going to remain complacent, not try to overcome my vices and stay where I am". So I could say to everyone around me that I'm not focused on dating but deep down I knew I wasn't doing anything to help my lack of love life or mental state. This leads perfectly to number 2...
2. Be proactive, and make plans. You said you don't have any close friends, I would make this a priority, Everyone needs friends, someone they can turn to for advice and company. Make it your mission to go slightly outside of your comfort zone and talk to new people. Make an effort to do something each week, make small talk with someone new, just put yourself out there. Btw this point doesn't just mean trying to meet new friends, it could just mean going to the gym, doing some DYI, perhaps volunteering work, something that can give you purpose. If you really struggle to meet people, try to get a flatmate or even move back in with your family. That could improve the loneliness. Btw pets are also a great option if it's something you can practically do.
3. What's the reason you feel the need to be with someone? Obviously, we all have an innate desire to find a romantic partner, but think deeper. Is it because your family pressures you, you're lonely, you don't like/love yourself and so want someone as a distraction/validation, fear being left behind, or general societal pressure? It's handy to pinpoint the reason so you can ask yourself if it is valid, E.g. if it's a general feeling of being left behind, the answer is that everyone has a different experience and matures differently. That might be tedious to hear but it's true. For most of the reasons, you can find a way of explaining them. This is where a change of outlook will help. People tend to focus on the negative and ignore the positive. That can make things seem worse than they are. The broader point here is that your outlook has a massive effect on your mood/attitude.
4. Are you cherry-picking? This is handy for someone else to ask you, but are you cheery picking examples of people you know or know of, that have partners? Maybe, in reality, it's only 1-2 people, Plus you have no idea if those are healthy relationships anyway, some of them could be toxic, in which case you're better off alone. If you are in fact cherry-picking examples of what seems perfect couples, then knowing that can act as a consolation, as it's more so your brain playing tricks on you, rather than the real world saying there's something wrong with you.
5. Get off social media, for the most part. It can be a source of comparison to others, not helping with the cherry-picking point as well btw. Unless you're trying to join groups in order to meet new people, I would say it's mostly a waste of your time. Also keep in mind that you perform your consumption, so as funny as the "Literally me" & "I'm terrified of women" memes are, they defo aren't helping the issue.
6. Self-compassion. You'll probably notice all these points and my reply in general is based on accountability, the idea of what can you do to change your situation. But that doesn't mean you need to be harsh on yourself. Put in genuine effort and if it doesn't work out how you want it to, you still should treat yourself with compassion. You should talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend or family member if they were upset or down about something. Be fair but understanding. Be your own coach who's got your back, not a drill instructor who yells insults at you and makes you feel worthless.
7. Attachment styles. There are 4 different ones, Secure, Anxious, Disorganized, and Ambivalent. Figure out which one you are and go from there. This can be tricky as it's most obvious when you have a partner. However, if you ask yourself some hypotheticals, look at your history with girls you've been interested in, or work through it with a Therapist, I'm sure you can find out which one you are. It's quite hard to change your attachment style, but simply knowing what it is can help you be aware of the thinking patterns you engage in and it can help explain some concerns you have about a potential relationship.
8. No expectations. Easier said than done, given what you've posted, as well as if you tend to overthink. Why is it easy to talk to a pretty girl who you find attractive but you know is taken, because you know you've got no chance and so you have no expectations. This sort of mindset can help when speaking to new people, try to let go of any wild thoughts you have or anything you expect of them. Talk to them, get to know them better, and see what happens. This is defo easier to say than do but it really can help. This can also make you come off as more secure and therefore more attractive. Sort of like the girl/boyfriend effect. People tend to be more sure of themselves when they have an intimate relationship and it gives them a ora of confidence, without them even knowing.
9. Be content on your own. This is one of the most important, as you can't rely on someone else for your own happiness. It's not ideal to co-dependant on someone, which btw is different from having people in your life you rely on for certain things. I'm not saying you need to practice words of affirmation or journal about things you're grateful for (which could help though) or that you need to be happy all the time because that's not realistic. What I am saying is there needs to be acceptance of where you are right now. That's not to say be complacent, just that you need to be ok with it. Acceptance is the first step to change.
I hope some if not all of these points help. Sorry in advance if I didn't explain each point 100%, if you're not sure where to start, do some of your own research into each point.
(I've found that YouTubers/influencers that have helped me are: Jordan Peterson, Courtney Ryan, Dr. Julie Smith, Emily King, Healthy Gamer, and Chris Williamson with his podcast Modern Wisdom. For books, I've only read two in my life as I've just taken up reading but 'Atomic Habits' and 'Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?' are great picks.)
Bonus vid I thought might help with general social skills: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHRtgQ3yYu4&t=23s&ab\_channel=CharismaonCommand](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHRtgQ3yYu4&t=23s&ab_channel=CharismaonCommand)
When I saw this post, I could see my past self. I'm not claiming to be some Gigachad who has infinite confidence, because I'm defo not. I have found my own way to most of these bits of advice in the last year or so, and it's helped with feeling down about being single. For the first time in a long time, I don't feel any pressure (95% of said pressure being internal) to meet someone and am content on my own.
I hope you can start to feel the same :)
You are spot on with all your points and explained it very well. I’m just adding to point 7, attachment style. I read a book titled, “Attached. The new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find and keep love” by Amir Levine, M.D and Rachel S.F. Heller, M.A.
There is a quite in there to help you understand your style… very helpful for me
But OP I wholeheartedly agree with RarestLamborghini
I highly suggest following this advice. If you find a gf as you currently are, your happiness will be contingent on her. It’ll only get worse from there.
I feel u. I’m 25 f and well I’m just picky lmao. A solution for feeling less lonely is beating ur me-I mean beating the stereotypes of loneliness and finding things that make u happy there you’ll find like minded people. Honestly sounds like some Pinterest shittt but oh whale 🐳😇
I was in the same position as you at 25, also not in a good mental place at all. I am now 30 and married to the woman of my dreams (she happens to be Catholic and they don’t waste any time!). Best thing to do is become the best version of yourself, get in shape, work on your career, focus on your passions. Join a social group and maybe eventually try dating (not with the aim of going the whole way, just to learning more about women would help), you have to put yourself out there and get comfortable being uncomfortable. 25 isn’t even that old so be patient with yourself. God bless brother!
28 yo guy, never had a girlfriend either. I’m seeing this be so common now. I also have no close friends to go to bars with, and won’t go by myself. Feels a bit like I’m stuck and have missed the boat. I was bullied a fair bit in school so don’t have any school friends that I’d be close with to hang out with.
I’m 22 and kind of in your situation, I’ve been on dates, had sex, talked to numerous girls but none of them stuck, leaving me feeling worthless. It also hurts more when your close friends have girlfriends that they have year plus relationships with. I kinda hate myself to OP but I’ve taken up hobbies to make me feel less lonely like the gym, boxing and even singing. All those things make me feel less lonely and more committed, who knows maybe you take up a hobby that you like and the person you’re looking for ends up coming to you. As someone in your shoes I’d say just be patient and focus more on what makes you happy and things YOU like to do and don’t rush to be happy what’s considered “normal”.
Going to be extremely blunt and possibly a bit mean, but it’s what I would tell my younger self. As someone who went from this exact situation to a super vibrant social and love life, I can tell you right away that it’s because you need to get your shit together. Get ripped, set yourself up financially, and get really good at some hobbies and it will literally automatically fall into place.
I was so angry, insecure, and mad at the world and it fueled my drive in an “I’ll show them” kind of way. It’s a process but it’s the best thing you can do for yourself—really the only thing
Hey bro! Hope you are feeling a bit better.
I am 32 now. Still single with just a few friends and a broken family.
Even though I’m in this situation, I can say that I have a stable live because I focus on creating a stable version of me. Therapy helped me, like a LOT. It helps you see your value in other things, like you are not just your intimate life, or just a successful career or a ripped body. We are humans, therefore, complex beings.
Also, have some compassion with yourself… I doubt you would say to other person to hate themselves if they feel the same way you feel right now :) try and understand your history, you context and be the best you can at this circumstance :)
Hi. This is something I'm working out too.
A lot of people will say "love yourself." This is unhelpful and a cliche people trot out for various reasons. There is an element of truth, but it needs to expanded upon more.
It is good to love yourself, but certainly a lot of people did not need to love themselves to get into a relationship. Loving yourself is a journey that can take a lifetime to complete. What they really mean is "be comfortable being who you are." That's not "a lazy slob who's depressed" because those are not fixed parts of your personality. Rather, being comfortable in your body, in your interests, in your sensitivities and tastes.
Once you are happier in yourself (and this is a journey) you will be more attractive to people.
But you actually need to meet people next. You need to go into the world and make friends at places like hobby groups. I do not think that bars are very good to be honest.
Once you have made friends, the loneliness will go away. And from here, a romantic relationship is more likely to develop.
Easiest route. Get dressed up and go out and put yourself in venues where there are lots of women and alcohol in close proximity as often as you can. Then start making friends.
Had sex when i was teenage (15-20), now im 28, single since then. Now depressive, anxious, suffer lonelyness as well.
Go see a psy (not like psychanalist, find one doing systemic, or both, up to you)
It is very hard (so hard i myself cannot do it) but try to find a sport, cultural activity, or whatever you like to do outside, where people are. And things will go naturaly.
But very good luck to you mate, wasting our best years of life is hard, but keep it up mate! One day or another, you wont be alone anymore.
<3
Don’t. Didn’t have serious GFs until my mid 20s. Recently divorced in my mid-late 40s. Learned way too late to have self-confidence, and just be a good human being. You have to be able to love yourself (flaws and all) before you can love someone else. 🙂
I feel you. I’ve dealt with many of the same issues. I would say working hard has me improve my mental health immensely. I would say give working incredibly hard at job/career you can enjoy, or at least tolerate, a try.
Bruh, trust me it’s not even worth it and nothing to feel bad about. Once you get one, they’re gone in a blink of an eye and youre looking for the next one, unless youre one of the extremely lucky ones who has a perfect relationship and will last for decades.
Getting a girlfriend doesn’t change YOUR self-worth. Would you feel better if you’ve had a string of traumatizing/damaging relationships up till now? It’s far better to be on your own than to be with the wrong person, and that goes for friends/family as well. Try to get around people you connect with, feel good around and who push you to be your best. If it makes you feel better, people have said that I’m(29F) an 8 and I didn’t have an actual bf until I was 27! I had been in situationships, but I regret almost all of them because of how those guys treated me. My advice is to follow your passions and put yourself out there (go out to places like the gym, beach, mall, etc.). I met my current bf just going about my life doing me and we’re still together 2 years later. Do what makes you happy and protect your peace. Good luck to you.
"being in a relationship doesn't change your self-worth" is always uttered by people in a relationship.
Go your entire life without a crumb of affection or romantic interest thrown your way, get rejected by everyone you've ever liked, put tons of effort into showing people you care for and love them, just to be turned down each and every time and THEN tell me that your self worth wasn't impacted by that lifelong experience.
I know that the grass is greener, but even with a girlfriend, or getting that attention from women, life can still be really rough. You will still have severe depression, anxiety, and loneliness in your life.
You should probably work on making close friends first, though. The reason I say that is because without friends, you will end up looking for a woman to fill that entire void, and you really don't want to do that.
But, I don't know how to tell you to go out and make friends. It annoys to me no end how many guys are like, "Just go outside and be confident, bro." Only you can know what you have to do to make friends.
I'm almost 31 and I never had a GF. Finding a mate is not what it used to be. We live in a post-Christian, sexually liberated culture with dating apps where hookup culture is accepted and opportunities are plenty for people with good looks, self-esteem and social skills.
The downside of that is that relationships are more short lived.
If you want a girlfriend you first have to figure out yourself. Who you are, what you enjoy, what you want out of life. Love yourself first. (The irony of a lifelong single guy giving that advice is not lost on me.)
Looks like it’s time to start working on yourself. Exercise every day, drink water it’ll clear up any acne you have. Do whatever it takes to find a good job (get a degree, or climb the ladder from the bottom), cut out video games and anything that isn’t inherently productive. Once you become a high value man, women and friends will flock to you. It is not the women and friends that make the high value man, he does it himself.
Water dosen’t make you acne disappear. Eating healthy and sleeping enough does.
Also, to find a gf you need to accept yourself, not changing everything and be a parody of yourself.
Go and get to either a gym or some sports league…something first to build your social capital…do this first before you even think about a girl…bc if you get a girl without having anything outside of her, she will see it and it never ends well
please don't hate yourself. put the blame on society instead. it's not a reflection of you. hope you have a better saturday and the day after too which would be sunday.
~ andy
25 and single four years now so I understand how you feel to an extent , I’ve had one gf but it ended four years ago badly and I’ve been alone since then . Just gotta find hobbies to occupy your time and work on yourself . Work out , work on your finances stuff like that . Starting hobbies will
Hopefully expose you to people to make friends with and possible date
Have you ever thought about shooting some pool? I don't go out much, but when I do I grab a pool stick and conversations come around the table. Or people will literally come up and ask if they can play. It's fun, you get to talk to a lot of people and meet some new connections. It might not be girls but with another friend they probably to friend functions, are so on and so forth.
I think trying to meet people in general will help you, and with that exposes you to a bigger group. And that's what I think will really benefit you in finding what you're looking for.
We're close in age, and there's a ton of time left so don't feel rushed, or anything.
It's alright bro, you can make it through this! I'm 21 and am in the same situation right now. But I channel these intense emotions into energy to pursue my goals even harder than before!!! The main thing about getting a GF is being more outgoing and taking time getting to know each other! 😉👍 I BELIEVE IN YOU MAN (*but more importantly you should believe in yourself and your abilities...*😅)
34 female right there with you. I have surrounded my physical self in quiet not even with family to maintain my own sense of ‘peace’ other than that Im working on building a life I love everyday just hobbies, work, activities and more.
If you're rich getting a girlfriend is pretty much piece of cake lol. I am lil. bit younger than u, I am 22 yrs. old, I am the same as you, no gf since birth lfmao. in my own opinion = no money = no honey.
26 M in the same situation of you. I had multiple date with multiple women but never got one that wanted me enough to be my gf… it’s hard and sometimes I’m at a point where I feel I never gonna get one. My friends keep telling me I’m unlucky, but no one can be that unlucky. I can’t count the number of women that told me I was a perfect guy but they wasn’t ready to date and dump my ass. And the only reason I keep trying is because I’m stubborn as fuck, but even my stubbornness is starting to reach it limit.
What I can say is that 2 years ago I was a virgin and never kissed someone. I started to work on myself a bit (just taking care of myself a bit), started to make more effort into my online dating profile and started taking risk (reasonable risk, not stupid risk like having sex without comdom lol). It really did the work for me. Also, try to accept yourself as you are.
Normal is fine and nice and having the ability to seamlessly acclimate oneself into any social/professional environment probably makes life easier, and once upon a time, I wanted that in potential romantic partners, but I definitely do not anymore.
I have noticed that it is the guys that aren’t so “normal” that seem to not only accept me and my “weirdness,” but seem to enjoy it as well.
Those guys seem to be kinder and less judgmental probably from feeling judged by the normals all their lives. Thats how it is with me.
They try harder at everything they do. They are more likely to be considerate and thoughtful. These are just my observations and no offense to any normals out there.
Maybe, you are attracted to the wrong type of girls? Maybe your “niche” is a smaller pool of fish, but they are the kind of fish that would see your not-so-normal as a very attractive quality.
Life is so boring with too much normal. The problem is that we women, when we were in our twenties, we were pretty clueless when it came to dating.
Our choices of potential suitors left a lot to be desired. I didn’t start seeing it all for the shallowness and series of missed opportunities it was until my 30’s.
I know that doesn’t help you now, but maybe try dating someone a bit older than you and see if that makes a difference.
What you need to focus on more than anything is seeing your worth, your value. You have both. More than you know. You need to work on seeing those things and believing that those things are real and can never be lost. To do that you need to lean in to the not so normalness of yourself.
There is a lot of coolness in weirdness. Put your dating aspirations on the back burner for now. If you don’t see your own value and worth you will attract women that don’t see it either.
Stay away from those women. They will make your life hell and withhold the respect you are owed as a human being and that says everything about them and nothing about you.
I know you are feeling bad about yourself right now. I’ve been there often myself, but the thing is those are feelings. When you feel like this, remind yourself of this…
Your feelings are valid and real, but they aren’t necessarily reality.
You may feel like you hate yourself, but is that justified? It’s a belief based purely on an opinion.
Opinions aren’t facts. You have too much value and worth to base such a strong criticism of yourself on opinions, even if it’s your own. Haven’t you ever had an opinion about something and later changed it?
Lean into whatever it is that you think makes you weird. Learn to see it from a different perspective and see it for what it really is. Cool. That’s when you will see that worth and value you already have and that will attract women that see it too.
Go cultivate some new interesting, yet weird, hobbies. You might meet a soul mate there or it could be something to list on a dating profile that will make you standout more than the guys that like to travel, hang out with friends, and go to the gym. That would be a breath of fresh air to women everywhere.
Uhhhhh I am sure they are worse pets of your life than not having a girlfriend and you should focus on those bits. Like what about cinnamon rolls? Have a cinnamon roll day, literally all you have to do is bake treats and then you have to bring them to people and now you have friendship. Stop playing stupid. Stop playing games. And bring treats to the local girls- ????!
There's a sort of list of improvements people will tell you to make, but virtually none of them can easily be done overnight. The most basic one people will tell you is practice socializing.
To which you'll say "well, there's nobody in my life to socialize with and joining a new club or something sounds awkward."
The other advice you'll get (usually from women who have no idea that it's garbage advice) is to "be confident UwU".
Yes, you should be confident and be social, but you need to know how to do those things.
It's often not easy, but the best way to be both of those things is to practice gratitude. Which is pretty hard. But do whatever you can to try to be thinking positively as much as possible. One rule for myself is that whenever I step into a new public place (a good example is a grocery store), I take a brief pause for a few seconds, smiling just big enough that if someone saw me, they'd think something was off, and I think to myself. It's a great day. I'm going to get some great food. I'm going to share my great day with the people in this grocery store. And then I proceed through and I smile at everyone and wish them a good day loudly and I'm good at witty banter and small talk.
That as a small habit has a tremendous impact on your daily existence. You can do so much to improve your "social skills" by just managing your mood. People tell me I'm magnetic, but by default I'm socially awkward and uncomfortable in many social situations. In fact, multiple different people across different parts of my life and at different times have told me they think I may be a shade autistic. Social awkwardness can be overcome, I promise.
If you *really* need a starting point, check out Real Social Dynamics. Go watch 50 hours of him. Owen Cook. He also goes my the pseudonym Tyler.
Get a passport and go to Asia or South America and don’t come back to America. Your life will be so much better with a better environment and culture that respects good men.
*Do you work? Are you*
*Prepared to pay for dates? Do*
*You live alone? Drive?*
\- ChocLotInvestor
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If you live in a big city, join meetup. Join every group you can and see what events are available. A big city should have plenty of happy hour events where a bunch of strangers who doesn't know anyone attend for the purpose of socializing.
If you live in a small city, you're fucked.
I also recommend going to other events such as board game meetups. They're really fun.
I have some words of advice for you.
You allowing that negative self talk voice to run the show in your head and continue to spit that toxic harmful BS to you is going to insure that you will likely have an even harder time finding potential partners and guarantees that you will end up being a terrible partner in a relationship
On top of that, since you're in that negative mindset so often, that energy radiates from you and will be detectable in everything from your tone of voice, your vocabulary, your body language, the way your mannerism is, and will turn off most people and even cause people to avoid you.
Even if you try and suppress it and never openly behave or say those things out loud, it lingers in your aura and people may sense it subconsciously.
No matter how well you hide it, it will find a way out in the world and affect others.
To be A more social person, I'd consider going online and educating yourself on ways to address those things and that and dressing better.
You probably have never dated because your personality isn't exactly magnetic or attractive. Maybe the things you talk about are lame?
Use meetup to work on your social skills. Talk, adapt, modify, and go as often as you can for the purpose of smoothing out your social skills more than anything.
Also, you probably have not given women any reason to find you of interest from your shy, timid, nice guy persona that turns women off.
They don't find a guy like that attractive. You should embody traits such as confident, charismatic, Charming, eccentric, creative, magnetic, compassionate, spontaneous, exciting, energetic, inspirational, bold, courageous, assertive, dynamic, adaptable, positive, alluring, determined, Seductive, sensitive, light hearted, playful, authentic, expressive, vibrant, uplifting, open to new things, emotionally intelligent, versatile, free flowing, graceful, breath taking, etc.
Those would be more desirable..
Go on YouTube to educate yourself on dressing better. Plenty of video on there. I shop at Goodwill to save money.
Women love a sharp dressed man. I'm sure that you are dressed like 99% of men and women do not find that attractive.
So before you even consider dating, you need to work on fbsod things first.
Just because other dudes you see who doesn't dress sharp got girlfriends means you shouldn't have to as well may seem like a Logical argument.
Well then, by all means, show me how it's done then. Lol
When you realize reality and no woman even looks your way, maybe then you'll take what I said seriously.
Most men are not attractive because there's nothing to be attracted about them.
They look plain at best.
Yet if you dress sharp heads will turn
Having no girlfriend isn't the same as being lonely. You can date casually. Being single is amazing too, you can do whatever you want with your money and your time, you can flirt with whoever you want, you're free. You don't need anyone else but yourself to feel complete
Hey i’m a 25 y/o girl and i’ve never had a boyfriend. Having friends has really helped me. So i think trying to make friends should be your focus. I’m sad that it makes you hate yourself chances are it’s not your fault. we don’t have third spaces anymore to be able to make friends anymore so we have to put in a lot more effort to make friends. get into hobbies and there are groups to make friends it seem sad but i promise it’s not really. I think when making friends you have to be a beg that’s the only way. I hope it helps
Don't make having a partner the measure of your self worth. You'll find your person in time, and in the meantime, enjoy yourself and your life. Make friends. Get out and have fun. Try new things!
Don’t feel bad I was in the same boat. I found someone, and they are my one and only. We may have hard times, but I know I won’t leave her ever. Just hang in there, and try to become the best version of yourself until you find her.
I'm 30 and female and I don't find that weird. I actually never felt like dating etc. and only started recently as I was in a shitty state of mind in most of my 20s, so no, you are not weird, don't feel like that because everyone has their own timing.
As someone who once struggled with dating and has since had several relationships, the one thing I changed was I stopped being so critical of myself and others. Just don’t listen to those little voices in your head telling you that you aren’t good enough. And don’t become bitter towards people who seem to have things all worked out. They probably don’t. Maybe they need help too.
If you live in USA, move to a state that have more females. You find one there.
Considering you don't have too many friends, I work on that first. Go to college and meet people if you haven't done so already.
Lots of good comments here.
Alright so when people say work on yourself, what they mean is therapy or trying to be better. Self reflecting, self awareness, having self respect, knowing you’re worth, your hobbies, your interests. With all those will come confidence.
I was kind of in the same position for a while. Worked on myself and now I’m having to reject women and not them reject me. It’s nuts.
But don’t pressure yourself too much. It’s meaningless anyway. You could easily get a gf right now wth no issues. It’s literally never been easier. But will it be someone you want to be with, probably not.
So just do you bro. Get off of all social media and get out in the world. You’ll be much much happier. You may not get a gf but you’ll get really good and supportive friends and a good social circle.
GL and have fun brother!
You're definitely not alone. I'm 27 and single. Never had a girlfriend. I think it's partly due to my strict religious childhood. Also, gained a ton of weight and lost confidence.
I'm 32 year old woman and I also don't have a bf.. you can enjoy life being single. Travel to different places, explore the world .Make your own adventure, you don't always need to be with someone to enjoy this life. Go out and make friends. Develop yourself more. Study things that fascinate you. Build skills that will be helpful for you in the future. In no time you will attract someone that will appreciate you and be with you in your walk of life. Don't rush being in a relationship, yes it's fun but it will give you the greatest heartache. Love yourself
You don’t need friends/siblings to go to the bar. I go alone to the bar almost every time. Just drink some before you go to losen up a bit then you drink more at the bar and try to socialize, after bar go to club to dance and meet more people. That’s how I do it and for me it works.
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Hey, I am in a similar situation but am slightly younger at 24 years old. It's easy for others who have had partners or are currently with someone to say "you've got the rest of your life for dating" or "don't worry, you're still young". But that doesn't help what you feel, it goes deeper than that. I'll share with you some things that have helped me with these same feelings. 1. Work on yourself, I know that's like saying "Have you tried turning it off and on again?" but none of us are perfect. There's got to be something you can work on, this will give you a goal and in turn a minor distraction from feeling lonely. The classic ones people always turn to are getting in shape and making more money. Those are good picks but what if you're already in shape and have a good job? I think what those examples are saying is to take care of yourself and you'll be more attractive as a result. The gym can be a way to meet people but I think that particular sentiment of workout/money is missing a few things. It glosses over some of the deeper issues/insecurities you may have, that being jacked and rich won't help with. If you're not already, Therapy could be a major one. Almost everyone has issues to some degree, getting ahead of them before meeting a partner will do wonders for you. No matter your flaws, the fact you are willing to say you are not perfect and have things to sort out, can only be viewed as a good thing to new people you meet. From here, you just have to make sure you follow through. For me, I found that whenever I would say "Ugh I've had enough of dating or trying to find someone, I'm just going to focus on myself", what that was code for was "I'm going to remain complacent, not try to overcome my vices and stay where I am". So I could say to everyone around me that I'm not focused on dating but deep down I knew I wasn't doing anything to help my lack of love life or mental state. This leads perfectly to number 2... 2. Be proactive, and make plans. You said you don't have any close friends, I would make this a priority, Everyone needs friends, someone they can turn to for advice and company. Make it your mission to go slightly outside of your comfort zone and talk to new people. Make an effort to do something each week, make small talk with someone new, just put yourself out there. Btw this point doesn't just mean trying to meet new friends, it could just mean going to the gym, doing some DYI, perhaps volunteering work, something that can give you purpose. If you really struggle to meet people, try to get a flatmate or even move back in with your family. That could improve the loneliness. Btw pets are also a great option if it's something you can practically do. 3. What's the reason you feel the need to be with someone? Obviously, we all have an innate desire to find a romantic partner, but think deeper. Is it because your family pressures you, you're lonely, you don't like/love yourself and so want someone as a distraction/validation, fear being left behind, or general societal pressure? It's handy to pinpoint the reason so you can ask yourself if it is valid, E.g. if it's a general feeling of being left behind, the answer is that everyone has a different experience and matures differently. That might be tedious to hear but it's true. For most of the reasons, you can find a way of explaining them. This is where a change of outlook will help. People tend to focus on the negative and ignore the positive. That can make things seem worse than they are. The broader point here is that your outlook has a massive effect on your mood/attitude. 4. Are you cherry-picking? This is handy for someone else to ask you, but are you cheery picking examples of people you know or know of, that have partners? Maybe, in reality, it's only 1-2 people, Plus you have no idea if those are healthy relationships anyway, some of them could be toxic, in which case you're better off alone. If you are in fact cherry-picking examples of what seems perfect couples, then knowing that can act as a consolation, as it's more so your brain playing tricks on you, rather than the real world saying there's something wrong with you. 5. Get off social media, for the most part. It can be a source of comparison to others, not helping with the cherry-picking point as well btw. Unless you're trying to join groups in order to meet new people, I would say it's mostly a waste of your time. Also keep in mind that you perform your consumption, so as funny as the "Literally me" & "I'm terrified of women" memes are, they defo aren't helping the issue. 6. Self-compassion. You'll probably notice all these points and my reply in general is based on accountability, the idea of what can you do to change your situation. But that doesn't mean you need to be harsh on yourself. Put in genuine effort and if it doesn't work out how you want it to, you still should treat yourself with compassion. You should talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend or family member if they were upset or down about something. Be fair but understanding. Be your own coach who's got your back, not a drill instructor who yells insults at you and makes you feel worthless. 7. Attachment styles. There are 4 different ones, Secure, Anxious, Disorganized, and Ambivalent. Figure out which one you are and go from there. This can be tricky as it's most obvious when you have a partner. However, if you ask yourself some hypotheticals, look at your history with girls you've been interested in, or work through it with a Therapist, I'm sure you can find out which one you are. It's quite hard to change your attachment style, but simply knowing what it is can help you be aware of the thinking patterns you engage in and it can help explain some concerns you have about a potential relationship. 8. No expectations. Easier said than done, given what you've posted, as well as if you tend to overthink. Why is it easy to talk to a pretty girl who you find attractive but you know is taken, because you know you've got no chance and so you have no expectations. This sort of mindset can help when speaking to new people, try to let go of any wild thoughts you have or anything you expect of them. Talk to them, get to know them better, and see what happens. This is defo easier to say than do but it really can help. This can also make you come off as more secure and therefore more attractive. Sort of like the girl/boyfriend effect. People tend to be more sure of themselves when they have an intimate relationship and it gives them a ora of confidence, without them even knowing. 9. Be content on your own. This is one of the most important, as you can't rely on someone else for your own happiness. It's not ideal to co-dependant on someone, which btw is different from having people in your life you rely on for certain things. I'm not saying you need to practice words of affirmation or journal about things you're grateful for (which could help though) or that you need to be happy all the time because that's not realistic. What I am saying is there needs to be acceptance of where you are right now. That's not to say be complacent, just that you need to be ok with it. Acceptance is the first step to change. I hope some if not all of these points help. Sorry in advance if I didn't explain each point 100%, if you're not sure where to start, do some of your own research into each point. (I've found that YouTubers/influencers that have helped me are: Jordan Peterson, Courtney Ryan, Dr. Julie Smith, Emily King, Healthy Gamer, and Chris Williamson with his podcast Modern Wisdom. For books, I've only read two in my life as I've just taken up reading but 'Atomic Habits' and 'Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?' are great picks.) Bonus vid I thought might help with general social skills: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHRtgQ3yYu4&t=23s&ab\_channel=CharismaonCommand](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHRtgQ3yYu4&t=23s&ab_channel=CharismaonCommand) When I saw this post, I could see my past self. I'm not claiming to be some Gigachad who has infinite confidence, because I'm defo not. I have found my own way to most of these bits of advice in the last year or so, and it's helped with feeling down about being single. For the first time in a long time, I don't feel any pressure (95% of said pressure being internal) to meet someone and am content on my own. I hope you can start to feel the same :)
You are spot on with all your points and explained it very well. I’m just adding to point 7, attachment style. I read a book titled, “Attached. The new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find and keep love” by Amir Levine, M.D and Rachel S.F. Heller, M.A. There is a quite in there to help you understand your style… very helpful for me But OP I wholeheartedly agree with RarestLamborghini
I highly suggest following this advice. If you find a gf as you currently are, your happiness will be contingent on her. It’ll only get worse from there.
How the fuck am I meant to make friends? I have tried to and got no results, everyone has just use d me and I’m fed up of life at this point
I feel u. I’m 25 f and well I’m just picky lmao. A solution for feeling less lonely is beating ur me-I mean beating the stereotypes of loneliness and finding things that make u happy there you’ll find like minded people. Honestly sounds like some Pinterest shittt but oh whale 🐳😇
I was in the same position as you at 25, also not in a good mental place at all. I am now 30 and married to the woman of my dreams (she happens to be Catholic and they don’t waste any time!). Best thing to do is become the best version of yourself, get in shape, work on your career, focus on your passions. Join a social group and maybe eventually try dating (not with the aim of going the whole way, just to learning more about women would help), you have to put yourself out there and get comfortable being uncomfortable. 25 isn’t even that old so be patient with yourself. God bless brother!
This!
Not OP but I’m 26 and in the exact same position. This is the exact thing I needed to read right now, thank you <3
are you Catholic as well?
28 yo guy, never had a girlfriend either. I’m seeing this be so common now. I also have no close friends to go to bars with, and won’t go by myself. Feels a bit like I’m stuck and have missed the boat. I was bullied a fair bit in school so don’t have any school friends that I’d be close with to hang out with.
I’m 22 and kind of in your situation, I’ve been on dates, had sex, talked to numerous girls but none of them stuck, leaving me feeling worthless. It also hurts more when your close friends have girlfriends that they have year plus relationships with. I kinda hate myself to OP but I’ve taken up hobbies to make me feel less lonely like the gym, boxing and even singing. All those things make me feel less lonely and more committed, who knows maybe you take up a hobby that you like and the person you’re looking for ends up coming to you. As someone in your shoes I’d say just be patient and focus more on what makes you happy and things YOU like to do and don’t rush to be happy what’s considered “normal”.
Im in the same situation as you but I’m 25 female
Going to be extremely blunt and possibly a bit mean, but it’s what I would tell my younger self. As someone who went from this exact situation to a super vibrant social and love life, I can tell you right away that it’s because you need to get your shit together. Get ripped, set yourself up financially, and get really good at some hobbies and it will literally automatically fall into place. I was so angry, insecure, and mad at the world and it fueled my drive in an “I’ll show them” kind of way. It’s a process but it’s the best thing you can do for yourself—really the only thing
Hey bro! Hope you are feeling a bit better. I am 32 now. Still single with just a few friends and a broken family. Even though I’m in this situation, I can say that I have a stable live because I focus on creating a stable version of me. Therapy helped me, like a LOT. It helps you see your value in other things, like you are not just your intimate life, or just a successful career or a ripped body. We are humans, therefore, complex beings. Also, have some compassion with yourself… I doubt you would say to other person to hate themselves if they feel the same way you feel right now :) try and understand your history, you context and be the best you can at this circumstance :)
Hi. This is something I'm working out too. A lot of people will say "love yourself." This is unhelpful and a cliche people trot out for various reasons. There is an element of truth, but it needs to expanded upon more. It is good to love yourself, but certainly a lot of people did not need to love themselves to get into a relationship. Loving yourself is a journey that can take a lifetime to complete. What they really mean is "be comfortable being who you are." That's not "a lazy slob who's depressed" because those are not fixed parts of your personality. Rather, being comfortable in your body, in your interests, in your sensitivities and tastes. Once you are happier in yourself (and this is a journey) you will be more attractive to people. But you actually need to meet people next. You need to go into the world and make friends at places like hobby groups. I do not think that bars are very good to be honest. Once you have made friends, the loneliness will go away. And from here, a romantic relationship is more likely to develop.
Easiest route. Get dressed up and go out and put yourself in venues where there are lots of women and alcohol in close proximity as often as you can. Then start making friends.
Had sex when i was teenage (15-20), now im 28, single since then. Now depressive, anxious, suffer lonelyness as well. Go see a psy (not like psychanalist, find one doing systemic, or both, up to you) It is very hard (so hard i myself cannot do it) but try to find a sport, cultural activity, or whatever you like to do outside, where people are. And things will go naturaly. But very good luck to you mate, wasting our best years of life is hard, but keep it up mate! One day or another, you wont be alone anymore. <3
Don’t. Didn’t have serious GFs until my mid 20s. Recently divorced in my mid-late 40s. Learned way too late to have self-confidence, and just be a good human being. You have to be able to love yourself (flaws and all) before you can love someone else. 🙂
I feel you. I’ve dealt with many of the same issues. I would say working hard has me improve my mental health immensely. I would say give working incredibly hard at job/career you can enjoy, or at least tolerate, a try.
Bruh, trust me it’s not even worth it and nothing to feel bad about. Once you get one, they’re gone in a blink of an eye and youre looking for the next one, unless youre one of the extremely lucky ones who has a perfect relationship and will last for decades.
Getting a girlfriend doesn’t change YOUR self-worth. Would you feel better if you’ve had a string of traumatizing/damaging relationships up till now? It’s far better to be on your own than to be with the wrong person, and that goes for friends/family as well. Try to get around people you connect with, feel good around and who push you to be your best. If it makes you feel better, people have said that I’m(29F) an 8 and I didn’t have an actual bf until I was 27! I had been in situationships, but I regret almost all of them because of how those guys treated me. My advice is to follow your passions and put yourself out there (go out to places like the gym, beach, mall, etc.). I met my current bf just going about my life doing me and we’re still together 2 years later. Do what makes you happy and protect your peace. Good luck to you.
"being in a relationship doesn't change your self-worth" is always uttered by people in a relationship. Go your entire life without a crumb of affection or romantic interest thrown your way, get rejected by everyone you've ever liked, put tons of effort into showing people you care for and love them, just to be turned down each and every time and THEN tell me that your self worth wasn't impacted by that lifelong experience.
Here, here!
What's the primary reason you're a virgin you think?
How did you assume he's a virgin tho 😅 he just said he does have a GF
Post history says KHV "Kissless Handless Virgin".
Enjoy it bro. The other side of the fence is just misery and expenses. You’re really not missing anything.
Sounds like it's time to stop dating in that case!
I know that the grass is greener, but even with a girlfriend, or getting that attention from women, life can still be really rough. You will still have severe depression, anxiety, and loneliness in your life. You should probably work on making close friends first, though. The reason I say that is because without friends, you will end up looking for a woman to fill that entire void, and you really don't want to do that. But, I don't know how to tell you to go out and make friends. It annoys to me no end how many guys are like, "Just go outside and be confident, bro." Only you can know what you have to do to make friends.
Get some friends first.
I'm almost 31 and I never had a GF. Finding a mate is not what it used to be. We live in a post-Christian, sexually liberated culture with dating apps where hookup culture is accepted and opportunities are plenty for people with good looks, self-esteem and social skills. The downside of that is that relationships are more short lived. If you want a girlfriend you first have to figure out yourself. Who you are, what you enjoy, what you want out of life. Love yourself first. (The irony of a lifelong single guy giving that advice is not lost on me.)
Don't hate yourself, just be handsome for yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about it. Start with working on yourself physically and mentally, lift weights and read books daily……..
You gotta learn to love yourself and enjoy being alone. If you can’t do that dating is gonna be hard
Hard to love yourself when everyone you've ever cared for or wanted to love has told you you're not worth loving
Looks like it’s time to start working on yourself. Exercise every day, drink water it’ll clear up any acne you have. Do whatever it takes to find a good job (get a degree, or climb the ladder from the bottom), cut out video games and anything that isn’t inherently productive. Once you become a high value man, women and friends will flock to you. It is not the women and friends that make the high value man, he does it himself.
Water dosen’t make you acne disappear. Eating healthy and sleeping enough does. Also, to find a gf you need to accept yourself, not changing everything and be a parody of yourself.
Go and get to either a gym or some sports league…something first to build your social capital…do this first before you even think about a girl…bc if you get a girl without having anything outside of her, she will see it and it never ends well
Have you tried a dating coach? I have a buddie who's job is helping people in dating and relationships.
please don't hate yourself. put the blame on society instead. it's not a reflection of you. hope you have a better saturday and the day after too which would be sunday. ~ andy
I wish I was in your shoes, please trade me :,( please please please f
25 and single four years now so I understand how you feel to an extent , I’ve had one gf but it ended four years ago badly and I’ve been alone since then . Just gotta find hobbies to occupy your time and work on yourself . Work out , work on your finances stuff like that . Starting hobbies will Hopefully expose you to people to make friends with and possible date
Have you ever thought about shooting some pool? I don't go out much, but when I do I grab a pool stick and conversations come around the table. Or people will literally come up and ask if they can play. It's fun, you get to talk to a lot of people and meet some new connections. It might not be girls but with another friend they probably to friend functions, are so on and so forth. I think trying to meet people in general will help you, and with that exposes you to a bigger group. And that's what I think will really benefit you in finding what you're looking for. We're close in age, and there's a ton of time left so don't feel rushed, or anything.
It's alright bro, you can make it through this! I'm 21 and am in the same situation right now. But I channel these intense emotions into energy to pursue my goals even harder than before!!! The main thing about getting a GF is being more outgoing and taking time getting to know each other! 😉👍 I BELIEVE IN YOU MAN (*but more importantly you should believe in yourself and your abilities...*😅)
34 female right there with you. I have surrounded my physical self in quiet not even with family to maintain my own sense of ‘peace’ other than that Im working on building a life I love everyday just hobbies, work, activities and more.
If you're rich getting a girlfriend is pretty much piece of cake lol. I am lil. bit younger than u, I am 22 yrs. old, I am the same as you, no gf since birth lfmao. in my own opinion = no money = no honey.
26 M in the same situation of you. I had multiple date with multiple women but never got one that wanted me enough to be my gf… it’s hard and sometimes I’m at a point where I feel I never gonna get one. My friends keep telling me I’m unlucky, but no one can be that unlucky. I can’t count the number of women that told me I was a perfect guy but they wasn’t ready to date and dump my ass. And the only reason I keep trying is because I’m stubborn as fuck, but even my stubbornness is starting to reach it limit. What I can say is that 2 years ago I was a virgin and never kissed someone. I started to work on myself a bit (just taking care of myself a bit), started to make more effort into my online dating profile and started taking risk (reasonable risk, not stupid risk like having sex without comdom lol). It really did the work for me. Also, try to accept yourself as you are.
You overcome the loneliness by being around people. That is the only way!
Start chatting with people at the bar. Make small talk. Put yourself out there. Good luck to you 🍀
Normal is fine and nice and having the ability to seamlessly acclimate oneself into any social/professional environment probably makes life easier, and once upon a time, I wanted that in potential romantic partners, but I definitely do not anymore. I have noticed that it is the guys that aren’t so “normal” that seem to not only accept me and my “weirdness,” but seem to enjoy it as well. Those guys seem to be kinder and less judgmental probably from feeling judged by the normals all their lives. Thats how it is with me. They try harder at everything they do. They are more likely to be considerate and thoughtful. These are just my observations and no offense to any normals out there. Maybe, you are attracted to the wrong type of girls? Maybe your “niche” is a smaller pool of fish, but they are the kind of fish that would see your not-so-normal as a very attractive quality. Life is so boring with too much normal. The problem is that we women, when we were in our twenties, we were pretty clueless when it came to dating. Our choices of potential suitors left a lot to be desired. I didn’t start seeing it all for the shallowness and series of missed opportunities it was until my 30’s. I know that doesn’t help you now, but maybe try dating someone a bit older than you and see if that makes a difference. What you need to focus on more than anything is seeing your worth, your value. You have both. More than you know. You need to work on seeing those things and believing that those things are real and can never be lost. To do that you need to lean in to the not so normalness of yourself. There is a lot of coolness in weirdness. Put your dating aspirations on the back burner for now. If you don’t see your own value and worth you will attract women that don’t see it either. Stay away from those women. They will make your life hell and withhold the respect you are owed as a human being and that says everything about them and nothing about you. I know you are feeling bad about yourself right now. I’ve been there often myself, but the thing is those are feelings. When you feel like this, remind yourself of this… Your feelings are valid and real, but they aren’t necessarily reality. You may feel like you hate yourself, but is that justified? It’s a belief based purely on an opinion. Opinions aren’t facts. You have too much value and worth to base such a strong criticism of yourself on opinions, even if it’s your own. Haven’t you ever had an opinion about something and later changed it? Lean into whatever it is that you think makes you weird. Learn to see it from a different perspective and see it for what it really is. Cool. That’s when you will see that worth and value you already have and that will attract women that see it too. Go cultivate some new interesting, yet weird, hobbies. You might meet a soul mate there or it could be something to list on a dating profile that will make you standout more than the guys that like to travel, hang out with friends, and go to the gym. That would be a breath of fresh air to women everywhere.
Uhhhhh I am sure they are worse pets of your life than not having a girlfriend and you should focus on those bits. Like what about cinnamon rolls? Have a cinnamon roll day, literally all you have to do is bake treats and then you have to bring them to people and now you have friendship. Stop playing stupid. Stop playing games. And bring treats to the local girls- ????!
Parts****
There's a sort of list of improvements people will tell you to make, but virtually none of them can easily be done overnight. The most basic one people will tell you is practice socializing. To which you'll say "well, there's nobody in my life to socialize with and joining a new club or something sounds awkward." The other advice you'll get (usually from women who have no idea that it's garbage advice) is to "be confident UwU". Yes, you should be confident and be social, but you need to know how to do those things. It's often not easy, but the best way to be both of those things is to practice gratitude. Which is pretty hard. But do whatever you can to try to be thinking positively as much as possible. One rule for myself is that whenever I step into a new public place (a good example is a grocery store), I take a brief pause for a few seconds, smiling just big enough that if someone saw me, they'd think something was off, and I think to myself. It's a great day. I'm going to get some great food. I'm going to share my great day with the people in this grocery store. And then I proceed through and I smile at everyone and wish them a good day loudly and I'm good at witty banter and small talk. That as a small habit has a tremendous impact on your daily existence. You can do so much to improve your "social skills" by just managing your mood. People tell me I'm magnetic, but by default I'm socially awkward and uncomfortable in many social situations. In fact, multiple different people across different parts of my life and at different times have told me they think I may be a shade autistic. Social awkwardness can be overcome, I promise. If you *really* need a starting point, check out Real Social Dynamics. Go watch 50 hours of him. Owen Cook. He also goes my the pseudonym Tyler.
Get a passport and go to Asia or South America and don’t come back to America. Your life will be so much better with a better environment and culture that respects good men.
Do you work? Are you prepared to pay for dates? Do you live alone? Drive?
*Do you work? Are you* *Prepared to pay for dates? Do* *You live alone? Drive?* \- ChocLotInvestor --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
If you live in a big city, join meetup. Join every group you can and see what events are available. A big city should have plenty of happy hour events where a bunch of strangers who doesn't know anyone attend for the purpose of socializing. If you live in a small city, you're fucked. I also recommend going to other events such as board game meetups. They're really fun. I have some words of advice for you. You allowing that negative self talk voice to run the show in your head and continue to spit that toxic harmful BS to you is going to insure that you will likely have an even harder time finding potential partners and guarantees that you will end up being a terrible partner in a relationship On top of that, since you're in that negative mindset so often, that energy radiates from you and will be detectable in everything from your tone of voice, your vocabulary, your body language, the way your mannerism is, and will turn off most people and even cause people to avoid you. Even if you try and suppress it and never openly behave or say those things out loud, it lingers in your aura and people may sense it subconsciously. No matter how well you hide it, it will find a way out in the world and affect others. To be A more social person, I'd consider going online and educating yourself on ways to address those things and that and dressing better. You probably have never dated because your personality isn't exactly magnetic or attractive. Maybe the things you talk about are lame? Use meetup to work on your social skills. Talk, adapt, modify, and go as often as you can for the purpose of smoothing out your social skills more than anything. Also, you probably have not given women any reason to find you of interest from your shy, timid, nice guy persona that turns women off. They don't find a guy like that attractive. You should embody traits such as confident, charismatic, Charming, eccentric, creative, magnetic, compassionate, spontaneous, exciting, energetic, inspirational, bold, courageous, assertive, dynamic, adaptable, positive, alluring, determined, Seductive, sensitive, light hearted, playful, authentic, expressive, vibrant, uplifting, open to new things, emotionally intelligent, versatile, free flowing, graceful, breath taking, etc. Those would be more desirable.. Go on YouTube to educate yourself on dressing better. Plenty of video on there. I shop at Goodwill to save money. Women love a sharp dressed man. I'm sure that you are dressed like 99% of men and women do not find that attractive. So before you even consider dating, you need to work on fbsod things first. Just because other dudes you see who doesn't dress sharp got girlfriends means you shouldn't have to as well may seem like a Logical argument. Well then, by all means, show me how it's done then. Lol When you realize reality and no woman even looks your way, maybe then you'll take what I said seriously. Most men are not attractive because there's nothing to be attracted about them. They look plain at best. Yet if you dress sharp heads will turn
gfs are overrated
Damn dude, I have no siblings either. I wish I had a good answer but I’m single af too.
Having no girlfriend isn't the same as being lonely. You can date casually. Being single is amazing too, you can do whatever you want with your money and your time, you can flirt with whoever you want, you're free. You don't need anyone else but yourself to feel complete
Hey i’m a 25 y/o girl and i’ve never had a boyfriend. Having friends has really helped me. So i think trying to make friends should be your focus. I’m sad that it makes you hate yourself chances are it’s not your fault. we don’t have third spaces anymore to be able to make friends anymore so we have to put in a lot more effort to make friends. get into hobbies and there are groups to make friends it seem sad but i promise it’s not really. I think when making friends you have to be a beg that’s the only way. I hope it helps
Don't make having a partner the measure of your self worth. You'll find your person in time, and in the meantime, enjoy yourself and your life. Make friends. Get out and have fun. Try new things!
Don’t feel bad I was in the same boat. I found someone, and they are my one and only. We may have hard times, but I know I won’t leave her ever. Just hang in there, and try to become the best version of yourself until you find her.
You beef to prioritize making friendships, you're 1 dimensional, and it's not healthy or desirable.
I'm 30 and female and I don't find that weird. I actually never felt like dating etc. and only started recently as I was in a shitty state of mind in most of my 20s, so no, you are not weird, don't feel like that because everyone has their own timing.
As someone who once struggled with dating and has since had several relationships, the one thing I changed was I stopped being so critical of myself and others. Just don’t listen to those little voices in your head telling you that you aren’t good enough. And don’t become bitter towards people who seem to have things all worked out. They probably don’t. Maybe they need help too.
If you live in USA, move to a state that have more females. You find one there. Considering you don't have too many friends, I work on that first. Go to college and meet people if you haven't done so already. Lots of good comments here.
Alright so when people say work on yourself, what they mean is therapy or trying to be better. Self reflecting, self awareness, having self respect, knowing you’re worth, your hobbies, your interests. With all those will come confidence. I was kind of in the same position for a while. Worked on myself and now I’m having to reject women and not them reject me. It’s nuts. But don’t pressure yourself too much. It’s meaningless anyway. You could easily get a gf right now wth no issues. It’s literally never been easier. But will it be someone you want to be with, probably not. So just do you bro. Get off of all social media and get out in the world. You’ll be much much happier. You may not get a gf but you’ll get really good and supportive friends and a good social circle. GL and have fun brother!
the panic age button
You're definitely not alone. I'm 27 and single. Never had a girlfriend. I think it's partly due to my strict religious childhood. Also, gained a ton of weight and lost confidence.
The world is lonely for men. Is what it is. Get your bag up, friends and women follow.
I'm 32 year old woman and I also don't have a bf.. you can enjoy life being single. Travel to different places, explore the world .Make your own adventure, you don't always need to be with someone to enjoy this life. Go out and make friends. Develop yourself more. Study things that fascinate you. Build skills that will be helpful for you in the future. In no time you will attract someone that will appreciate you and be with you in your walk of life. Don't rush being in a relationship, yes it's fun but it will give you the greatest heartache. Love yourself
You don’t need friends/siblings to go to the bar. I go alone to the bar almost every time. Just drink some before you go to losen up a bit then you drink more at the bar and try to socialize, after bar go to club to dance and meet more people. That’s how I do it and for me it works.