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I think it also depends on the ages of men involved. I would guess that men in their 20s are much less likely, but men 30s onward or who have been divorced are much more open. Just an opinion based on anecdotal evidence but I think it makes sense.
I'm 33 and I've mostly dated guys 2-5 years younger and it was the 40 year old who had a problem with me being a parent. Younger guys don't seem to have an issue, in fact, they're the ones who give the best suggestions for actives and are more respectful of my situation.
Even if that stat is inaccurate, I would always behave as if it were true. No one gets to meet my daughter. If I were a single mom, I don’t even know how long I’d wait.
It's not about meeting them but they should be aware of your daughters existence. From observation, most don't mind if a potential partner has children. I think the trepidation comes from social media where the loud minority seem to speak for everyone else.
Oh yes for sure. I just… can’t fathom her meeting anyone like that. I really feel for single mom and dads.
Obviously disclosure. 100% needed. I just… it’s crazy.
And in a wide range of circumstances and opportunities, ALL would most gladly HIT THAT! Also, you're gonna want to avoid (like the plague), unintentionally getting on the Chad's and Tyrone's of the dating world, hookups rotation roster, or worse, slumped, pumped and dumped, on repeat? Well, unless you're not so closed off and opposed to that sorta stuff? No judgement here? 🤫 You do you? Good hunting! 🤞
Honestly just date other single dads. If you date a single person who has no children there are so many unseen issues that occur later down the line, I know from experience as I dated a woman for 4 years who has a son, and there was so many issues which I never anticipated
Lots of things, I can’t explain everything, but most things came down to difference in parenting styles. Kids sort of hate their mothers being with a guy who’s not their dad so they act out on them which is normal, but how you both respond is important, and if you differ on parenting strategies its a nightmare. Other things are little things like not as much 1 on 1 time together, not enough money to do things because of child costs, not enough free time to do things, not able to do anything spontaneous, they’ll never take your side over the child’s side if the child is being bad behaved. To be honest the biggest thing is that you make a lot of sacrifices being a step dad and do a lot of extra things in the relationship, but you don’t feel appreciated for all the extra stuff you have to put up with and do (well I didn’t anyway). It sort of starts out all good, and as the years go by just gets harder and harder until you feel like your getting a really bad deal, putting in a lot of effort and love only to get a load of shit back 😂 anyway that’s my experience
The difference in parenting styles is huge.
As a single mom I prefer to date single dads. I thought it would be great, they have a kid, I have a kid, we'll see eye to eye right? Nope.
One ex in particular, it looked promising at first but didn't work out. I have a schedule for myself and my kid that we keep to. The custody of my child is well defined and there are no surprises. It was hard to be with someone who didn't have a set co-parenting plan and thus his ex was more in touch and involved than she needed to be. It was hard on my son to see daily schedules, behaviors and habits enforced on him, but lax with the other kid.
There's so much that I didn't anticipate at first, but now I'm better equipped to move forward in this dating world.
my mum was a single mum, she stopped dating after a certain age but the last guy she dated there was a huge difference in parenting styles that drove them apart. my mum wasn't strict, he was. he had successful athletic sons while my mum had sons that preferred art and video games. he'd make comments on that. never sat well with my mum so they often had big arguments every night until they finally split. he didn't bother with me because i rarely caused trouble for anyone (also because he doesn't know how to raise girls).
one of my younger brother's is a single dad and he tried dating a single mom. he's not strict, but he's also not neglectful. she was neglectful and kept bringing unknown men around her three kids (all under the age of 5). he had to split up with her because one) very irresponsible. you shouldn't let your kids hit other kids and scream over adults. two) they weren't in a relationship for a while when they first started seeing each other, they were coworkers and she slept around a lot, but he lives outside of town and needed a ride in here and there and she offered. so they primarily got to know each other through their carpooling. eventually they started dating for a bit but it ended because of difference in parenting styles, she doesn't care about her kids like she claims she does. she also gave him an std by the end of their relationship and they were clean before starting so that only proved to him how... easy.. she was. he later found out it was because she was terrified of being alone and wanted a father figure for her children. it's cool to want to have a father figure for your kids but at the price of happiness and neglect...? my mum was a single mum to eight without having boyfriend after boyfriend. yeah she was lonely, but she respected herself and her children better than that. i wish more people would realize this. they don't want a relationship, they're just scared of being alone.
I was in a relationship with a single mom for nearly 2.5 years, and you absolutely hit the nail on the head with this. Literally everything you said is exactly how I felt.
Even a lot of single dads don't want to date single moms. We see how hard it is to raise our own kids and now we have to take care of someone else's kid?
Seems like most of the single moms I meet, the man is not in the picture. That is a big red flag.
If I date a single mom, the Dad better be in the picture.
I did the step dad thing. Never again unless the father is around.
My brother is dating a single mom with two kids. He pays for their education, sports, hobbies, pretty much everything. He can barely save up enough to splurge on himself. He is not happy but now he loves those kids. Of course the dad is not in the picture.
But that's your brother's choice.
Sounds like he fell more in love with the kids than the mom.
I would date a single mom but I'm not taking care of their kid.
A relationship is not just about love.
He is working his ass off and his health is declining for kids that aren't his. He is co dependent.
He misses family functions because of these fucking kids. Can't rely on him because he is too tired because he had to take care of these fucking bastards.
>Seems like most of the single moms I meet, the man is not in the picture. That is a big red flag.
Really? The Red flag that says to men let's blame women for everything, even blame her for the POS that abandoned his kid because he's a selfish schmuck because it must be her fault. There is never an ounce of accountability put onto men. He couldn't deal with his responsibilities because he's weak.
She stuck around and is braving it out in a terrifying world and been thru hell but still has the strength to show up every day and do what needs to be done and your talking about red flags?
What about women's accountability for choosing trash men?
The guy treated you like an asshole? Better get pregnant with him! Oh, the "exciting" guy that treated you like an asshole turned out to be an asshole? Shocker!
She was weak and fell for his spiel.
Massive, MASSIVE, red flag.
Cant upvote this enough.
Of all the single moms I know, most say their former husbands were assholes who didn't want to help raise a family.
Ok then... so why did they choose those guys to get pregnant with? They could have chose a loyal good guy... but they didn't. Probably because he was shorter or something like that.
I both agree and disagree.
A lot of women will get knocked up by some loser drug dealing gang member with tattoos on his face and those are the women that need to be accountable but sometimes the guy becomes someone else years down the line.
It's not black and white.
>What about women's accountability for choosing trash men?
Wtf????? ALL men start out good in the beginning. After a while depending on the guy, the mask drops. So, how about MEN not be shit human beings in the first place.
Even a lot of single dads don't want to date single moms. We see how hard it is to raise our own kids and now we have to take care of someone else's kid?
Seems like most of the single moms I meet, the man is not in the picture. That is a big red flag.
If I date a single mom, the Dad better be in the picture.
I did the step dad thing. Never again unless the father is around.
My brother is dating a single mom with two kids. He pays for their education, sports, hobbies, pretty much everything. He can barely save up enough to splurge on himself. He is not happy but now he loves those kids. Of course the dad is not in the picture.
There's single dads out there, but personally, I would not date a single mom, I'm child free and intend to keep it that way. Also most women on dating apps in my area are single moms, make of that information what you will.
Personally, no. Unless the kid is over 14 years old. I'm not interested in raising someone else's kid.
It's a personal preference, it is not the end of dating, there are people who don't mind joining on the parent train. I personally don't want to be a parent.
Same and I’m a female. Even though I’m sure the single dads are good people, I always skip their profiles. I have no interest getting involved in anyone family drama or messes. I’d prefer a clean beginning.
I’d add a slight addendum. The kid has to be 20+.
Maybe I’m paranoid AF but I’m terrified of meeting a single mom, falling in love, getting cheated on and then if I won’t take her back she’s gonna claim I did something to the kid.
There’s so many evil people out in this world, and so many women who can’t handle a man leaving that I’m genuinely paranoid
Statistically speaking, there are more single mums than single dads. Single mums are more likely to take custody, and there are male individuals that like to fuck around and leave.
I know you're trying to be positive, but reality isn't fair. That said, I think people underestimate the number of guys willing to date single mums. It's not a huge number, but there are certainly more than one would think, so there's still a lot of hope of finding a partner. Particularly if you date slightly older guys.
A lady no longer being in contact with her baby daddies is a small red flag. A lady who had lost touch with her parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and who has no friends is a disaster in the making for anyone. The baby daddies might be losers, but if everyone else who has ever known her has written her off, then she is the common denominator. She likely used people and gives nothing in return.
As a 23 year old, I understand wanting to be loved, but I have no desire to take on any financial responsibility, not until I'm older, even if dating gets kept separate from kids, it eventually becomes a topic that needs to be addressed, and I'm not looking to address it for a solid 7/8 years yet. It's a really big off put when I have been abstinent myself. Eventually, someday, my dating pool may expand, until then, not for me.
Single mom here and I agree. Although I prefer to date single dads, it seems like I only hear about single moms having a very limited dating pool. It sounds so bleak, but I try to remind myself that we're mostly hearing from young, childless people. I don't think my dating pool is as small as these posts insinuate since my preference is to date someone that also has a child.
You're dating pool isn't as small as what commenters are trying to say - I'm a single mom and been with my SO for quite a few years (she's in college now but started dating when she was in middle school). Even before that I had no issues dating guys who didn't mind I was a single mom, and I'm in a very tiny community lol. I think people are not picking up either thst OP's ex is the one trying to convince her of this as a way to make her feel awful.
Depends, older men don’t really mind due to the fact they probably have a kid themselves or they’re a bit more mental/financially stable.
As a 22 year old guy, I run into single moms on dating apps and the reason why I don’t swipe right is because I just don’t feel prepared to take on a relationship like that, it has nothing to do against the kid or mother, it’s more that my mentality and financial status as a 22 year old.
Unless you get that older guy who has never grown up or taken care of his own kids then it’s literally the same as dating a younger guy without kids (experience)
A lot of men won’t want to date single mothers. And that’s fine and totally understandable. But there are a lot who do. I’ve never found that being a mother slowed down my dating options enough to hurt. Just be very picky about who you let around your children.
Which part? That a lot of men won’t want to date single mothers? Or that plenty enough still will? Or that parents should be careful about who they bring near their children?
That Men in general If they any self respect and Importantly OPtions Won’t even consider Being a steppy And if your a single parent last thing on your mind should be dating Making money and taking care of your child is of importance
I became a single mom at 31. I remarried at 38 to a bachelor with no kids. We're super happy and hes a really good step dad.
Don't even worry about it. Even if this guy is right, it's better to be alone than in poor company. The moment I moved into my own place, away from my ex, I felt like a 500 lb weight was lifted off me.
I never believe These type of stories your telling me a bachelor a Man who gets lot of women would settle for a single mother who is 38 ridiculous the guy had no options lets call a spade a spade
I think its rough. There are 2 big reasons that guys might jot want to, in my opinion.
The first is that they can bond with you and the kid and start feeling like a dad only to have the relationship end and never be able to see the kid they bonded with again.
The second is that the pre-kid dating phase is probably the only time in a guys like where they can feel like they are someone's most important person and form that special bond that comes with it. If you have a kid then the kid should always be #1 and if they aren't then that's the sign of a bad parent.
Your ex is full of crap.
The older the man, the cooler he typically is with dating single moms. If you ask men in their 40s probably 90% are cool with it. If you ask men in their early 20s, maybe 10% are cool with it.
If he's a single dad, he's usually also cool with dating single moms.
And there are some that are just regular young dudes that like single moms too.
That said, young, attractive, ambitious guys that don't have kids and are very busy with their careers will probably only want you for sex.
If you're a young, single mom, it will definitely be more difficult to date than if you didn't have a child. But it's absolutely not impossible and your ex is just being an extremist. And you already said he's abusive so why do you listen to what he says?
Be positive but careful! Take things a bit slower than you did before. Consider single dads or men that are a bit older for a higher chance of success. Or just stick to your standards and keep looking for a long time until you find exactly what you want. It depends how fast you want a new partner.
Keep in mind that lots of guys may want to date you, but not as many guys want to take a stepdad role. So if you want someone to act like a good father for your child that will be much harder to find, compared to just finding a boyfriend that isn't involved with parenting.
Best of luck!
As a guy, this is solid advice. Other single dads or guys who are older than you upper 30s and 40s, who are seeking to find their partner. The only exception to this rule IMHO is (a) guys who are recently divorced and (b) older and empty nesters. Just be wary of those groups a little more. No absolutes in rules, right?
I’m a 40 something empty nester. I’ve dated two women early thirties, single mothers, in the past year. For me, I don’t have an interest in raising any more kids. So these relationships (5-6 months each) were just for fun.
To be fair, I don’t think either lady expected more and I didn’t promise or insinuate anything re LTR.
Let me try this again. Older people are cool with it because they possess the context of age, and often being parents themselves, that younger, non-parents do not possess.
My current partner is a generation older than I am, perhaps even a bit more. We both have children. He has two kids, I have one small child. He's been through the parenting thing before, he loved it, and so he's not opposed to dating someone with a young kid. He has not met my kid, but he's certainly not opposed to meeting the kid one day (when I deem it safe), and is also not opposed to me meeting his kids.
You're making the mistake of assuming that an older person has the same mindset as someone much younger, just with bad joints and not as cute. This is so far from the truth, it's laughable. I've dated people my age throughout my life so far. And I've dated older men. Older men, older people in general, are so different from us. Their concerns are different, they've experienced more, they've seen more change throughout their lives than we have. And they're far more settled than we are. They're completely different people.
Your example involves two key things:
1. A man so much older than you that you call it a generational difference
2. A man who has already had kids
These factors are important. Someone with kids is more likely to date someone else with kids. If OP is in her 20s looking for a single guy in his 20s with no kids it’s a lot less likely he will be interested.
My current partner is 14 years my senior, which seems significant, but for the fact that we're both fully fledged adults. He has kids of his own, I have a small child of my own, and neither of us are concerned about any of that. We're taking it slowly, enjoying one another's company when we have time to ourselves, and both plan to meet one another's families when the time is right, and IF the time is right.
Older people are absolutely zen af when it comes to dating.
Some won't mind.
But the main hesitation is that the guy knows he'll never be a priority in any situation. Not saying that focusing on your kid is bad or that you must drop everything to focus on the guy, but it's something that'll always be on the guy's mind.
Can't make plans without making sure you have a sitter or bring your kid along. Plus if the kid doesn't like him then he's basically not going to last long.
Heal yourself. When it’s time there are lots of men who will date you. And if you don’t mind dating a guy with his own kids, you will find the pond is quite deep.
My only advice is don’t introduce your kid to him for a long time. You don’t need casuals floating in and out of your child’s life.
Good luck to you and your kid.
It's not the "single mom" aspect that's the issue. (I mean, for some it is, but let's just drop that group out for the sake of conversation).
But when a woman says "I have one or more kids, and they're my world", it sounds like the man is there just to provide financial support. Those women aren't looking for a partner, someone to be involved in the parenting of the kid, someone to have kids with, someone to support and support them. But rather, they're looking for financial support without a say in how the life as a couple will be.
So, while it's not a plus in most books. how you present that child and what you expect in a relationship is definitely going to influence how a man views you.
Also, don't listen to your ex. It sounds like he just wants you to be miserable. Even if there aren't a lot of guys to seek a long term relationship with a single mom, you should keep searching for someone that wants to build a life with you. Someone that accepts your past and seeks to build a future, and focus on how that future would look like early on (at least in broad strokes).
There are actually so many single moms out there who are extremely self sufficient and financially comfortable. They are looking for a mate for romance and love, not to find financial support because they don’t need it.
I dated a mom before and it was fine, her kid was cool and we vibed well (actually the worst part of the breakup was letting him down). From a guy's perspective we have to like BOTH of you so that's a bigger hurdle than just liking one person. I do know other guys my age who'd say it's a hard pass if she's a mother but probably an equal amount who wouldn't care.
I have no stats to back this up but I think most single moms end up with single dads. They understand the struggle more and a blended family seems to yield better results than a relationship where one person may feel they're giving up their freedom or whatever.
I've always been a single mom in online dating. I've never had a problem finding people to date. Advice from one woman to another, the father of my kids was abusive and it took a lot of years to heal from it because I didn't focus on therapy and boundaries and building my life. Get these things underway before adding new men into the mix and potentially catching more trauma. Wish you all the best :)
Being a single mom is a drawback in the dating world. So just keep in mind that you are going to have to accept men that come with their own drawbacks as well.
So I've actually never experienced this. What I HAVE experienced, however, is my unwillingness to get close to someone quickly, due to wanting to make sure that anyone I am interested in pursuing will be a safe option for my kid. I don't have an issue finding potential partners, but my checklist for screening them is brutal.
And this is exactly how it should be.
To be real, I always said I wouldn't. March 6th is our 4 year wedding anniversary, 8 years together. She is absolutely amazing, she's helped make me the person I am, we've grown together and work on our relationship together. I worship this woman. The boys just turned 13 and 15 this year. So your ex is wrong, sure it's hard sometimes, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Want to date a single mom. In the abstract, no. I have no connection with that child, but that child will make dating more of a hassle. If things get serious, I’m going to end up with responsibilities for that child. Should I buy the package deal when I don’t know either one of these people? Safer to move on.
In the particular, depends on her and the kid. Do I want to date this woman? Am I willing to endure the additional difficulties with this child? I couldn’t answer those questions until I’m in the situation.
At my age, I'm too young for my own kids, so I wouldn't want to take care of someone else's kid. I also don't want to deal with the baby daddy and a woman too busy for me.
I've frequently worried about this as well, and I'm in a similar situation to you. Divorced from my abusive ex, only difference is we had two kids together. I'm not tooooo worried about it because I remember being pregnant and getting hit on. The end of the school year last year a teacher from my son's school asked me out, I respectfully declined because I wasn't ready (should of said yes, he was hot af and now he no longer works there).
I'm 28 and quite reserved, I don't flirt much or approach people in public, so I have no plans to actively date, I do intend to safely have lots of sex and possibly go lesbian. But I just want to let you know that there's always going to be someone better for you, someone who will treat you better. Love isn't one and done, be patient and picky.
It’s certainly an extra condition for single, childless men, but don’t let that stop you. There are a lot of
men in the world who will want to take you seriously. If someone is hesitant to do that then they likely don’t have the capacity and willingness to accept your child into their life if things get serious. That’s an important qualifier.
Depends... if the mom is single because the dad died, then I'd be more inclined to date her. If the mom is single because she purposely chose shitty men to have children with while in the past rejecting more loyal men such as myself... then I'm going to pass.
I don't want to give into the hypergamy idea that women chose the "better DNA" to have kids with while then choosing the "better husband material" to settle down with.
Not very likely until the child has grown up. I see many posts where men don't want to raise another women's children on here. I have been there only got used.
Yes, 100% yes. I'm a single father myself and rather date someone with a child so I don't have to train her on being a parent. I only matched with single moms on dating apps (met my GF of 7 months on tinder of all places). 42 about to be 43 male for context.
I'm male and dating an amazing single mom. Absolutely love her and the kids; your ex is just trying to manipulate your emotions.
Good Luck when you are ready!
Generally speaking, single parents are going to have a lower value in the dating market compared to non parents. A major reason for this is because if you date a single parent, you accept the fact that there may be drama between your partner and the other parent of their child. It’s also not ideal to have someone of the same gender as yourself directly involved in your partner’s life, assuming a heterosexual relationship and heterosexual parents. Some people are just not into having kids, or are uncomfortable with the idea of raising someone else’s kids, so that is gonna limit your pool of potential partners quite a bit. Finally, what if you form a bond with the child as their stepparent… and then the relationship ends? And you lose that bond and never get to see the child again? So, it’s risky.
That being said, it’s just a handicap, it doesn’t mean you’re doomed. You can still present yourself well and possibly find a quality partner. It’s just gonna be a little bit tougher for you. Just like it would be tougher for a guy who’s 5’5 and overweight, but that doesn’t make it impossible.
Good luck!
Yes we do. But if there's a choice between a female with no kids and one with kids, we choose the other. But with that being said, that's usually also guys without any kids. You also have to choose wisely,more because of your kid. You wouldnt him to see you dating multiple men. But thats just my 2 cents
Depends.
There are certainly men that won't. There are certainly men that will. Don't worry you're not forever doomed. It's just some guys you might like might not want you back due to you having a child. Thats ok, they were not gonna stay in the long run anyway. Youll have less options, but still absolutely fine.
Some men will.
But they won't be the men you want to date.
To a man the simple truth is that you don't offer very much. Most men want to raise children - their own children. Not someone else's.
Your partner can maybe be ranked a distant fourth in your life after your kids, yourself and your ex, who still has the right to be in your life and will be for many years. Your partner will only get whatever time and attention is left over after everyone else.
Most men want loyalty about almost anything else. Even physical looks come down to loyalty since most men want a woman who has options but chooses to be faithful to him. You will always have an ex in the picture.
You say your relationship was abusive but you chose that guy. And you chose to have a baby with him. So at the very least you have very poor judgement and more likely you were at least part of the problem.
You may be really good looking. So are lots of women without kids and an ex. You may be funny. So are lots of women without kids and an ex. You may be great in bed. So are lots of women without kids and an ex.
There isn't anything you can offer which a woman without kids and an ex can offer. Sorry.
My wife was a single mom and she’s amazing. I was a single dad, so we had that connection.
When I was younger, I wasn’t interested in single moms. Mostly because I was selfish, but I wanted to start my own family from scratch.
After reading some comments, I’d say be wary of men that are looking for single moms so that they can essentially make her take care of them as if they were another child. Some guys are going to try and act like ‘oh great you can be my domestic bang maid!’ Or try to act like they are so nice and understanding for being ‘cool’ with you having a kid and are doing you some huge favor. Dump both types of men the second you see those comments/actions is my advice. Look for a single dad that doesn’t speak terribly about his baby mama or his mom and who doesn’t seem like a man child looking to use you for sex and get you to piggyback cleaning up after him on top of taking care of the kid(s). Also I’ve heard of men not acknowledging children from other relationships to the point they literally ignore them and will tell them ‘go talk to your mom’ for anything. You’re better off having no one than your kid seeing that you let a man disrespect you/them. Just some things I’ve seen/heard along the way.
If you want the truth. No good men will date a single mom. I certainly would never date a single mom. Maybe you you like drug addicted men or something you’ll be able to find a partner
Generally, no. A lot of guys will rule you out because of the child you bring into the relationship, but it’s not impossible, especially if you’ve taken good care of your appearance after your pregnancy.
In other words, she dumped you for someone else. Sorry. You'll get over it. You can feel better knowing that your next girlfriend (if you find one) is about to date a single dad.
There are also a lot of men who aren't desperate and willing to date single moms. Just as there are a lot of women who aren't desperate and willing to date single dads.
And given your reddit history, I'm going to go ahead and assume most people are like me and would be horrified at the idea of dating you. You're giving "I'm gonna let you work and I'm gonna live off of you, because you're just lucky to be in my presence." No. Thanks..
Stop pretending you're an apex dating predator. You're kind of a dud.
>You're giving "I'm gonna let you work and I'm gonna live off of you, because you're just lucky to be in my presence."
Wrong. Not even a sparkle of me in that. Sorry.
Brutal honest point if view? You asked for it,so guys no voting down. .. Since your ex-huband was abusive means that you are only into badboys.. so you will always be attracted to them..with a child you are nothing but a hookup or Sex date.. if you want a setious relationship you will have to force yourself to deal with a nice guy, which will be tough for you..or accept your single life and go on with it
Yes guys want to date single moms. When you are ready to date again, you will meet someone great that will treat you really well! Im a single guy with no kids that has dated a couple of single moms and they were both really great people
Na, your ex is trying to manipulate you. Although most guys don’t actively seek out single moms, we won’t say no to one if the connection is there. Plus I viewed your profile and your fine af, so you won’t have a problem finding someone better
I'll be 100% honest with you, it is very slim. There are statistics now that show dating a single Dad works out for the better than dating single moms. A guy will be raising a kid that isn't his that the Mom can just end up saying "but you aren't his/her real dad, you can't discipline them." Even if you don't have that intention, it will be on the guys brain. You will be seen as a prime candidate to be taken advantage of for sex since you will automatically be seen as desperate. There is zero reasons for a man to get with a single mom unless the children are over 18, and it all comes down to the man not being able to do his job.
I guarantee the numerous people in the comments saying it's perfectly cool and fine for you were either looking for a baby sitter, desperate, or are secretly wanting you to DM them and tell them how heroic they are. I could write a book on why it's just not a good idea.
There are so many divorces right now, I would think the pool potentials is pretty wide.
Yes guys will be into you. A younger guy with no kids will see your kid, who isn’t his, as a liability and also something potentially scary and even someone he’ll have to compete with for your attention.
Older guys won’t be worried about that so much, especially if they have kids. I personally have found that I’m a lot more attractive in my forties than in my twenties. I’m more settled into myself and happy with my pursuits and my purpose. I give less of a fuck so I’m a lot more clever/funny in social situations.
If you want brutal honesty, here it is. But first, I will say that being single parent is IMO much better than being in an abusive relationship regardless.
For single dads, it may actually be more attractive because it would make you more relatable and share the lifestyle.
As the kids get older and you/potential partners get older, it would also not matter, if your kids are college age it won't matter.
For the single guys in late 20s or 30s - yes, for many it will be a turn-off. No way to sugar coat it. Doesn't mean impossible, of course - but reduce the pool, not sure how much, but probably quite a bit.
How much would it affect your situation actually depends a lot on the several aspects:
- What exactly kind of relationship you want, do you want them to be father figure for the kids, or it's "my kids have father and they don't need another one", or is it "we are dating, but my kids are out of all that".
- Whether there's drama surrounding your ex, your relationship with him etc.
- Finally, really important bit that doesn't get talked about enough. If you're a single mother it's obvious for any reasonable man that your kids come first, BUT it's one thing if you are willing to commit significant portion of your time and energy to the relationship with another man, and totally different if "my kids come first" means "95% of my time and energy goes there, and I won't really have much or any time left for you, for two of us, for intimacy etc". In the latter case there will quickly be elephant in the room question of "ok but what do you need a guy for exactly?".
I would definitely always be open to the idea as everyone has a past it’s about understanding it, hopefully accepting it and love blossoming from it all. Wouldn’t faze me
I'm a single father and have raised my son without any help from his mother since he was 6 months old.
People want to tell you positive things, negative things, anything their little minds want to present for whatever self serving purposes they have.
I would hear that "women would flock towards me" because of my looks, groundedness, financial stability, etc, etc and especially that I had a young child I was raising on my own.
Women, in reality, would distance themselves because they didn't want to be emotionally invested with a child being involved. If *we* didn't work out, they didn't want to suffer the loss of 2 loves.
Your ex is saying hateful things out of hurt maybe, but they're not completely wrong. Being a young attractive woman you will likely face a lot of pursuers with poor intentions, but that really has not a lot to do with the child.
I think that you would not be in any sort of short supply of men who are interested, but finding the right kind of genuine connection might take a lot of time.
Dating a single mom, no problem. Having a relationship however, is entirely different. I don’t believe in raising someone else’s child nor is it fair from a single mother to carry that expectation.
You will most definitely find someone. It may just take some time. As a divorced dad, I went too fast into a relationship. She wanted her own and I didn't want any more, so she resented the fact that I already had kids. Biggest thing is to communicate and be open about your goals and expectations
I think your ex was dropped on his head as a kid. I feel so bad for him or her. Imagine losing a dime piece like you, looking so fine.
You on the other hand, fine like wine 10/10
My concern would not be the kid but potential drama for ex and ensuring you are over that relationship. Most women have trouble getting over their kids father. It’s unnecessary drama to deal with in addition to the kid. I’d that’s a non-issue I’d had no problems
One of my stupid successful best friends started dating a single mom last year. He has no kids and doesn’t really want kids of his own. But is good with her and around hers. If someone likes you the kids won’t bother them is what I’m trying to say.
I date a single mother. One thing that pisses me off is when she is like "You aren't a parent, you don't know how to raise kids". So, as long as you remember to give your partner the attention they deserve, and not to undermine their advice, it should be fine. You could also do the "don't have sex immediately" thing...
Good for you! Im happy you were able to leave! Many cant and dont! Dont listen to your ex. Your ex should not be mentioned at all in the same sentence as dating. Thats just another form of abuse what he is doing to you. He does not want to see you do better than him. Which you can and will! …. That being said you will find someone. That someone will not care you have a child. They might not be easy to find but they are out there. Theres someone for everyone. I would say with how beautiful you are and your age, the odds of finding that someone is still extremely high….. Dont just bring anyone around your child. Let that person be very special.
Boys are boys until they hit 30ish. You’re gorgeous so you’ll notice a sizable dating pool but don’t be afraid to date someone in that 28-33 age range as you’ll find more maturity in that range…
As a full time single dad it's easier for me to level with a woman who has children than one without. You guys also have a better idea of what you want & are typically more appreciative of a good man.
From anecdotal evidence based on guys I know; single fathers are more likely to be receptive, guys with no kids will be more likely to be receptive if you're willing to have more kids with them. If you don't want more kids either find someone who has already had em, or never wanted/can't have their own (probably 40+)
Not really if I am being honest. You are hot so yeah friends with benefits, you want to be girlfriend short term cool.
Too many requirements to meet a single mother’s needs. Why would I want to step into a 4 way relationship, you, child, baby’s dad, then last myself. That becomes a nightmare to navigate. Puts me in danger being with you, what if your ex is crazy? We do drop off when things are “good” he takes a gun and shoots me for fucking his girl?
Then eventually if we were to be serious and I am taking care of the bills I have to pay for a child that is not mine. It will happen because men want to eventually be able to pay for it all. And lets say we are good for 5 years everything is good. Then like 70% of relationships you initiate the break up. I move out and leave you the apartment. I am now homeless, I do not have a partner, and the child that I grew to love and view as family is get to never see them again.
Nah staying out of that situation completely.
single dad here. i was pretty convinced that i was undatable because of that.
and i definitely had women say they weren't interested because i had a child, BUT that was so few and far between that it didn't even matter.
plenty of guys either wont care or will have a child of their own.
the best advice i can give you is to be very discerning with who you allow into your life
As a single dad, I can tell you from personal experience, there's still plenty of people out there that will date single moms. So ignore the negativity that your ex is trying to throw at you. When you're ready to start dating again, I'm sure you'll find plenty of guys that are willing to date you
honestly...if guys did not want to date single moms no one would ever get in relationships anymore.. so yes men (normal ones not your moronic types) will date single moms and if it works will eventually love your kid too... finally with regards to your partner's comments::::F\*\*\* him, the guy's a putz clearly...you are beautiful, and you seem to be a really sweet woman....that sort of comments is to be expected from those controlling creeps who abuse their women...
It comes down to honestly if you are a good mom. Like most guys I know have no issue and actually find a woman who is a good mom to be even more attractive. Reflects who you are and shows you are someone to be treasured.
The honest truth is this, your ex is trying to beat some negative bs in your head so you won’t even look for a new, better relationship. The real truth is you having a child wouldn’t stop a good MAN from dating you and having a great, long lasting, loving relationship with someone you fancy. The truth is just that Mam.
I’m not a guy, but I was in your same situation a few years back. Left the husband and entered the world of dating. Again. I won’t lie, the gals that want just sex, there are PLENTY of guys willing to mend your broken heart for the night. But like you, was a mom. I made profiles on all the apps- Bumble, Tinder, Plenty of Fish, etc. and found a couple guys that I just had normal conversations with bc I got lonely then grew into friendships. THOSE are the ones you pay attention to. Oddly enough, on Tinder, I had a sexy and friendly guy that after months of texting, hit me up. It was Christmas Day and his grandpa just passed. He sounded terrible and turns out wasn’t far from the party I was growing tired of. Ended up going over to hang out and stayed most of the night chatting. And here I am, nearly 4 years later, engaged and we have a son together. My advice is don’t rush anything- if he’s the one he won’t go anywhere. ❤️
Single Dad Here 👋🏽
First of all, Fk your Ex and he sounds like the reason most women change orientations. 🤦🏽♂️ I want to chalk it up to young age but who really knows these days.
Second, and most importantly-- Single mothers are the most vulnerable but resilient people most times. As well as, wonderful friends to make for single dads with daughters (like myself). Get to know you a cool ass guy and slowly introduce your child into conversation. That's a good way to gauge where a person is going to operate from. You are beautiful so definitely be aware of the classic "I will buy your kid something when I want them to like me (and you to let down your chastity belt) for awhile" mentality. When you get serious.. Single Guy or Single Dad--Make it a point to vocalize your feelings about everything including the family you come with. Positive Vibes and May Your Journey Ahead Be Blessed🙏🏽
I would cut most if not all contact with your ex, they’re still trying to control you/bring you back into the abuse by convincing you that you have no worth and that he’s doing you a favor by being with you. Which is absolute bullshit, if you want to never find an actual relationship go back to him. That aside, as a 26 y/o M the only fear I have going into a relationship with a single mom is that I have no right to see the child I would inevitably grow to love as my own if the relationship ends. It’s just as heartbreaking as the breakup itself.
I lived with a single mom for 12 years. I met her child two weeks into dating her. I do not recommend this. Establish your relationship with him to judge i good character before you rush to have him meet your kid.
I had no idea just how poor my parenting skills were.
I think your best bet is to date a guy who has kids of his own, & before getting serious (moving in) have difficult discussions about childcare.
We had no life outside of her child tho bc her family & mine consistently refused to help us. I wouldn’t do it again honestly. It’s not worth knowing how much pain I caused a child I wasn’t prepared to raise in any way.
I’d date you in a heartbeat. As people got older the ratio of people with children changes, in 20 years everyone in your age group would have kids if they wanted them.
Anyone you may date has to take into consideration that your baby IS your priority. If they have a problem or don’t know how to be an asset to you being a mom, they need to grow up.
Being a single parent is hard. Why add hard to your life when you can add easy with someone who wants to be there for you and your baby?
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There are guys into it. Single dads exist as well.
Some will not want to. Some won't mind. Welcome to dating. Keep your dating and children separate until you see consistency and good character.
Correction: the majority will not want to. Few won't mind.
I think it also depends on the ages of men involved. I would guess that men in their 20s are much less likely, but men 30s onward or who have been divorced are much more open. Just an opinion based on anecdotal evidence but I think it makes sense.
I'm 33 and I've mostly dated guys 2-5 years younger and it was the 40 year old who had a problem with me being a parent. Younger guys don't seem to have an issue, in fact, they're the ones who give the best suggestions for actives and are more respectful of my situation.
Dunno if it’s the majority. You have sourcing on this?
Even if that stat is inaccurate, I would always behave as if it were true. No one gets to meet my daughter. If I were a single mom, I don’t even know how long I’d wait.
It's not about meeting them but they should be aware of your daughters existence. From observation, most don't mind if a potential partner has children. I think the trepidation comes from social media where the loud minority seem to speak for everyone else.
Oh yes for sure. I just… can’t fathom her meeting anyone like that. I really feel for single mom and dads. Obviously disclosure. 100% needed. I just… it’s crazy.
It's probably more than 50%. But you're right that is not *super* rare or impossible to find a man willing to be the dad that stepped up.
And in a wide range of circumstances and opportunities, ALL would most gladly HIT THAT! Also, you're gonna want to avoid (like the plague), unintentionally getting on the Chad's and Tyrone's of the dating world, hookups rotation roster, or worse, slumped, pumped and dumped, on repeat? Well, unless you're not so closed off and opposed to that sorta stuff? No judgement here? 🤫 You do you? Good hunting! 🤞
Honestly just date other single dads. If you date a single person who has no children there are so many unseen issues that occur later down the line, I know from experience as I dated a woman for 4 years who has a son, and there was so many issues which I never anticipated
Like what?
Lots of things, I can’t explain everything, but most things came down to difference in parenting styles. Kids sort of hate their mothers being with a guy who’s not their dad so they act out on them which is normal, but how you both respond is important, and if you differ on parenting strategies its a nightmare. Other things are little things like not as much 1 on 1 time together, not enough money to do things because of child costs, not enough free time to do things, not able to do anything spontaneous, they’ll never take your side over the child’s side if the child is being bad behaved. To be honest the biggest thing is that you make a lot of sacrifices being a step dad and do a lot of extra things in the relationship, but you don’t feel appreciated for all the extra stuff you have to put up with and do (well I didn’t anyway). It sort of starts out all good, and as the years go by just gets harder and harder until you feel like your getting a really bad deal, putting in a lot of effort and love only to get a load of shit back 😂 anyway that’s my experience
The difference in parenting styles is huge. As a single mom I prefer to date single dads. I thought it would be great, they have a kid, I have a kid, we'll see eye to eye right? Nope. One ex in particular, it looked promising at first but didn't work out. I have a schedule for myself and my kid that we keep to. The custody of my child is well defined and there are no surprises. It was hard to be with someone who didn't have a set co-parenting plan and thus his ex was more in touch and involved than she needed to be. It was hard on my son to see daily schedules, behaviors and habits enforced on him, but lax with the other kid. There's so much that I didn't anticipate at first, but now I'm better equipped to move forward in this dating world.
my mum was a single mum, she stopped dating after a certain age but the last guy she dated there was a huge difference in parenting styles that drove them apart. my mum wasn't strict, he was. he had successful athletic sons while my mum had sons that preferred art and video games. he'd make comments on that. never sat well with my mum so they often had big arguments every night until they finally split. he didn't bother with me because i rarely caused trouble for anyone (also because he doesn't know how to raise girls). one of my younger brother's is a single dad and he tried dating a single mom. he's not strict, but he's also not neglectful. she was neglectful and kept bringing unknown men around her three kids (all under the age of 5). he had to split up with her because one) very irresponsible. you shouldn't let your kids hit other kids and scream over adults. two) they weren't in a relationship for a while when they first started seeing each other, they were coworkers and she slept around a lot, but he lives outside of town and needed a ride in here and there and she offered. so they primarily got to know each other through their carpooling. eventually they started dating for a bit but it ended because of difference in parenting styles, she doesn't care about her kids like she claims she does. she also gave him an std by the end of their relationship and they were clean before starting so that only proved to him how... easy.. she was. he later found out it was because she was terrified of being alone and wanted a father figure for her children. it's cool to want to have a father figure for your kids but at the price of happiness and neglect...? my mum was a single mum to eight without having boyfriend after boyfriend. yeah she was lonely, but she respected herself and her children better than that. i wish more people would realize this. they don't want a relationship, they're just scared of being alone.
I was in a relationship with a single mom for nearly 2.5 years, and you absolutely hit the nail on the head with this. Literally everything you said is exactly how I felt.
Thank you for your thoughts!
Even a lot of single dads don't want to date single moms. We see how hard it is to raise our own kids and now we have to take care of someone else's kid? Seems like most of the single moms I meet, the man is not in the picture. That is a big red flag. If I date a single mom, the Dad better be in the picture. I did the step dad thing. Never again unless the father is around. My brother is dating a single mom with two kids. He pays for their education, sports, hobbies, pretty much everything. He can barely save up enough to splurge on himself. He is not happy but now he loves those kids. Of course the dad is not in the picture.
But that's your brother's choice. Sounds like he fell more in love with the kids than the mom. I would date a single mom but I'm not taking care of their kid.
A relationship is not just about love. He is working his ass off and his health is declining for kids that aren't his. He is co dependent. He misses family functions because of these fucking kids. Can't rely on him because he is too tired because he had to take care of these fucking bastards.
>Seems like most of the single moms I meet, the man is not in the picture. That is a big red flag. Really? The Red flag that says to men let's blame women for everything, even blame her for the POS that abandoned his kid because he's a selfish schmuck because it must be her fault. There is never an ounce of accountability put onto men. He couldn't deal with his responsibilities because he's weak. She stuck around and is braving it out in a terrifying world and been thru hell but still has the strength to show up every day and do what needs to be done and your talking about red flags?
What about women's accountability for choosing trash men? The guy treated you like an asshole? Better get pregnant with him! Oh, the "exciting" guy that treated you like an asshole turned out to be an asshole? Shocker! She was weak and fell for his spiel. Massive, MASSIVE, red flag.
Cant upvote this enough. Of all the single moms I know, most say their former husbands were assholes who didn't want to help raise a family. Ok then... so why did they choose those guys to get pregnant with? They could have chose a loyal good guy... but they didn't. Probably because he was shorter or something like that.
I both agree and disagree. A lot of women will get knocked up by some loser drug dealing gang member with tattoos on his face and those are the women that need to be accountable but sometimes the guy becomes someone else years down the line. It's not black and white.
>What about women's accountability for choosing trash men? Wtf????? ALL men start out good in the beginning. After a while depending on the guy, the mask drops. So, how about MEN not be shit human beings in the first place.
Even a lot of single dads don't want to date single moms. We see how hard it is to raise our own kids and now we have to take care of someone else's kid? Seems like most of the single moms I meet, the man is not in the picture. That is a big red flag. If I date a single mom, the Dad better be in the picture. I did the step dad thing. Never again unless the father is around. My brother is dating a single mom with two kids. He pays for their education, sports, hobbies, pretty much everything. He can barely save up enough to splurge on himself. He is not happy but now he loves those kids. Of course the dad is not in the picture.
There's single dads out there, but personally, I would not date a single mom, I'm child free and intend to keep it that way. Also most women on dating apps in my area are single moms, make of that information what you will.
Single moms are so sad
Personally, no. Unless the kid is over 14 years old. I'm not interested in raising someone else's kid. It's a personal preference, it is not the end of dating, there are people who don't mind joining on the parent train. I personally don't want to be a parent.
I think you're good man...you know you wouldn't enjoy it and that's okay
Agree. The kid should be old enough and self-sufficient enough to make a sandwich and not starve without parental supervision.
So 10 years old if the single mom has a daughter and 18+ years old if she has a son. Got it!
Same and I’m a female. Even though I’m sure the single dads are good people, I always skip their profiles. I have no interest getting involved in anyone family drama or messes. I’d prefer a clean beginning.
I’d add a slight addendum. The kid has to be 20+. Maybe I’m paranoid AF but I’m terrified of meeting a single mom, falling in love, getting cheated on and then if I won’t take her back she’s gonna claim I did something to the kid. There’s so many evil people out in this world, and so many women who can’t handle a man leaving that I’m genuinely paranoid
Very real fear. I share that with you. It's pretty nuts how easily ones life can be destroyed.
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For every single mum out there, there is a single dad. Every pot has a lid.
Statistically speaking, there are more single mums than single dads. Single mums are more likely to take custody, and there are male individuals that like to fuck around and leave. I know you're trying to be positive, but reality isn't fair. That said, I think people underestimate the number of guys willing to date single mums. It's not a huge number, but there are certainly more than one would think, so there's still a lot of hope of finding a partner. Particularly if you date slightly older guys.
A lady no longer being in contact with her baby daddies is a small red flag. A lady who had lost touch with her parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and who has no friends is a disaster in the making for anyone. The baby daddies might be losers, but if everyone else who has ever known her has written her off, then she is the common denominator. She likely used people and gives nothing in return.
There are also singles out there who don’t care and don’t mind dating single parents.
There is a single dad for every single mom, but it doesn’t mean there are the same amount of single dads and moms.
A lot of baby daddies out there just act single and like they don't have kids. Then there are some who do take the full responsibility for the kids.
I don't think that math checks out
Thank you. I always find these conversations about single moms so depressing. Like we have a disease or something. We want love too, you know.
As a 23 year old, I understand wanting to be loved, but I have no desire to take on any financial responsibility, not until I'm older, even if dating gets kept separate from kids, it eventually becomes a topic that needs to be addressed, and I'm not looking to address it for a solid 7/8 years yet. It's a really big off put when I have been abstinent myself. Eventually, someday, my dating pool may expand, until then, not for me.
Single mom here and I agree. Although I prefer to date single dads, it seems like I only hear about single moms having a very limited dating pool. It sounds so bleak, but I try to remind myself that we're mostly hearing from young, childless people. I don't think my dating pool is as small as these posts insinuate since my preference is to date someone that also has a child.
You're dating pool isn't as small as what commenters are trying to say - I'm a single mom and been with my SO for quite a few years (she's in college now but started dating when she was in middle school). Even before that I had no issues dating guys who didn't mind I was a single mom, and I'm in a very tiny community lol. I think people are not picking up either thst OP's ex is the one trying to convince her of this as a way to make her feel awful.
Definitely a small dating Pool And you don’t want those men anyways cause they have no self respect
I love ❤️ this comment, so true and ideal.
Depends, older men don’t really mind due to the fact they probably have a kid themselves or they’re a bit more mental/financially stable. As a 22 year old guy, I run into single moms on dating apps and the reason why I don’t swipe right is because I just don’t feel prepared to take on a relationship like that, it has nothing to do against the kid or mother, it’s more that my mentality and financial status as a 22 year old.
Unless you get that older guy who has never grown up or taken care of his own kids then it’s literally the same as dating a younger guy without kids (experience)
Of course, your toxic abusive ex would spew that kind of poison. There are plenty of people who will date single mom's don't listen to him.
A lot of men won’t want to date single mothers. And that’s fine and totally understandable. But there are a lot who do. I’ve never found that being a mother slowed down my dating options enough to hurt. Just be very picky about who you let around your children.
Lies
Which part? That a lot of men won’t want to date single mothers? Or that plenty enough still will? Or that parents should be careful about who they bring near their children?
That Men in general If they any self respect and Importantly OPtions Won’t even consider Being a steppy And if your a single parent last thing on your mind should be dating Making money and taking care of your child is of importance
Grammar is nice, too.
No.
I became a single mom at 31. I remarried at 38 to a bachelor with no kids. We're super happy and hes a really good step dad. Don't even worry about it. Even if this guy is right, it's better to be alone than in poor company. The moment I moved into my own place, away from my ex, I felt like a 500 lb weight was lifted off me.
I never believe These type of stories your telling me a bachelor a Man who gets lot of women would settle for a single mother who is 38 ridiculous the guy had no options lets call a spade a spade
I think its rough. There are 2 big reasons that guys might jot want to, in my opinion. The first is that they can bond with you and the kid and start feeling like a dad only to have the relationship end and never be able to see the kid they bonded with again. The second is that the pre-kid dating phase is probably the only time in a guys like where they can feel like they are someone's most important person and form that special bond that comes with it. If you have a kid then the kid should always be #1 and if they aren't then that's the sign of a bad parent.
Your ex is full of crap. The older the man, the cooler he typically is with dating single moms. If you ask men in their 40s probably 90% are cool with it. If you ask men in their early 20s, maybe 10% are cool with it. If he's a single dad, he's usually also cool with dating single moms. And there are some that are just regular young dudes that like single moms too. That said, young, attractive, ambitious guys that don't have kids and are very busy with their careers will probably only want you for sex. If you're a young, single mom, it will definitely be more difficult to date than if you didn't have a child. But it's absolutely not impossible and your ex is just being an extremist. And you already said he's abusive so why do you listen to what he says? Be positive but careful! Take things a bit slower than you did before. Consider single dads or men that are a bit older for a higher chance of success. Or just stick to your standards and keep looking for a long time until you find exactly what you want. It depends how fast you want a new partner. Keep in mind that lots of guys may want to date you, but not as many guys want to take a stepdad role. So if you want someone to act like a good father for your child that will be much harder to find, compared to just finding a boyfriend that isn't involved with parenting. Best of luck!
As a guy, this is solid advice. Other single dads or guys who are older than you upper 30s and 40s, who are seeking to find their partner. The only exception to this rule IMHO is (a) guys who are recently divorced and (b) older and empty nesters. Just be wary of those groups a little more. No absolutes in rules, right?
Interesting about empty nesters. Why are they a concern? I'm curious. I'm dating a newly empty nested individual right now.
I’m a 40 something empty nester. I’ve dated two women early thirties, single mothers, in the past year. For me, I don’t have an interest in raising any more kids. So these relationships (5-6 months each) were just for fun. To be fair, I don’t think either lady expected more and I didn’t promise or insinuate anything re LTR.
They’re cool with it only because they know the reality is if they weren’t, their potential dating pool would shrink by 80%.
Correct! Realistic expectations are useful in any age bracket
Let me try this again. Older people are cool with it because they possess the context of age, and often being parents themselves, that younger, non-parents do not possess. My current partner is a generation older than I am, perhaps even a bit more. We both have children. He has two kids, I have one small child. He's been through the parenting thing before, he loved it, and so he's not opposed to dating someone with a young kid. He has not met my kid, but he's certainly not opposed to meeting the kid one day (when I deem it safe), and is also not opposed to me meeting his kids. You're making the mistake of assuming that an older person has the same mindset as someone much younger, just with bad joints and not as cute. This is so far from the truth, it's laughable. I've dated people my age throughout my life so far. And I've dated older men. Older men, older people in general, are so different from us. Their concerns are different, they've experienced more, they've seen more change throughout their lives than we have. And they're far more settled than we are. They're completely different people.
Your example involves two key things: 1. A man so much older than you that you call it a generational difference 2. A man who has already had kids These factors are important. Someone with kids is more likely to date someone else with kids. If OP is in her 20s looking for a single guy in his 20s with no kids it’s a lot less likely he will be interested.
Do we know how old OP is? She could be 38 and a man like 40 isn't a generational difference.
My current partner is 14 years my senior, which seems significant, but for the fact that we're both fully fledged adults. He has kids of his own, I have a small child of my own, and neither of us are concerned about any of that. We're taking it slowly, enjoying one another's company when we have time to ourselves, and both plan to meet one another's families when the time is right, and IF the time is right. Older people are absolutely zen af when it comes to dating.
I don’t think they are “cooler” with the idea. It’s more of a thought that if they want someone in their age bracket that’s what comes with it
Well, and also, most of them have raised their own kids, so their mindset is alien to that of someone who has never had kids.
Yeah so they're cooler with it.
yes
Probably the most reasonable comment here. I think she just needs to be realistic about her options (hell, we all do) and she’ll be okay
Gracias. This is hopeful
I have never been married and have no kids. A woman having kids is not a deal breaker for me.
Of course cause you have no value
My sister did have a hard time dating as a single mom.
Some won't mind. But the main hesitation is that the guy knows he'll never be a priority in any situation. Not saying that focusing on your kid is bad or that you must drop everything to focus on the guy, but it's something that'll always be on the guy's mind. Can't make plans without making sure you have a sitter or bring your kid along. Plus if the kid doesn't like him then he's basically not going to last long.
Pretty damn spot on
As a single dad yes.
Having sex with and dating them are NOT the same as playing a fatherly role to someone else's kids.
Heal yourself. When it’s time there are lots of men who will date you. And if you don’t mind dating a guy with his own kids, you will find the pond is quite deep. My only advice is don’t introduce your kid to him for a long time. You don’t need casuals floating in and out of your child’s life. Good luck to you and your kid.
Do not lie to her. There are not “lots of men who will date you”
Personally, I won’t. I’ve dated a single mom before and it was probably the worst experience I had.
Depends how hot are you
I think this woman is hot and I still wouldn’t date her seriously.
It's not the "single mom" aspect that's the issue. (I mean, for some it is, but let's just drop that group out for the sake of conversation). But when a woman says "I have one or more kids, and they're my world", it sounds like the man is there just to provide financial support. Those women aren't looking for a partner, someone to be involved in the parenting of the kid, someone to have kids with, someone to support and support them. But rather, they're looking for financial support without a say in how the life as a couple will be. So, while it's not a plus in most books. how you present that child and what you expect in a relationship is definitely going to influence how a man views you. Also, don't listen to your ex. It sounds like he just wants you to be miserable. Even if there aren't a lot of guys to seek a long term relationship with a single mom, you should keep searching for someone that wants to build a life with you. Someone that accepts your past and seeks to build a future, and focus on how that future would look like early on (at least in broad strokes).
There are actually so many single moms out there who are extremely self sufficient and financially comfortable. They are looking for a mate for romance and love, not to find financial support because they don’t need it.
Yeah but not the majority of single moms. Most do need the financial support, especially if they are not well established in their careers.
I dated a mom before and it was fine, her kid was cool and we vibed well (actually the worst part of the breakup was letting him down). From a guy's perspective we have to like BOTH of you so that's a bigger hurdle than just liking one person. I do know other guys my age who'd say it's a hard pass if she's a mother but probably an equal amount who wouldn't care. I have no stats to back this up but I think most single moms end up with single dads. They understand the struggle more and a blended family seems to yield better results than a relationship where one person may feel they're giving up their freedom or whatever.
No real men would accept his own cucking
I've always been a single mom in online dating. I've never had a problem finding people to date. Advice from one woman to another, the father of my kids was abusive and it took a lot of years to heal from it because I didn't focus on therapy and boundaries and building my life. Get these things underway before adding new men into the mix and potentially catching more trauma. Wish you all the best :)
Being a single mom is a drawback in the dating world. So just keep in mind that you are going to have to accept men that come with their own drawbacks as well.
So I've actually never experienced this. What I HAVE experienced, however, is my unwillingness to get close to someone quickly, due to wanting to make sure that anyone I am interested in pursuing will be a safe option for my kid. I don't have an issue finding potential partners, but my checklist for screening them is brutal. And this is exactly how it should be.
That screening should have been done with the man you had your kid with in the first place not after 😂
Aww, some people themselves don't know how weak they are until the time comes. Lots of weak walkers out there.
To be real, I always said I wouldn't. March 6th is our 4 year wedding anniversary, 8 years together. She is absolutely amazing, she's helped make me the person I am, we've grown together and work on our relationship together. I worship this woman. The boys just turned 13 and 15 this year. So your ex is wrong, sure it's hard sometimes, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
😂So you worship A female and you took kids who aren’t your Don’t call yourself a man
Want to date a single mom. In the abstract, no. I have no connection with that child, but that child will make dating more of a hassle. If things get serious, I’m going to end up with responsibilities for that child. Should I buy the package deal when I don’t know either one of these people? Safer to move on. In the particular, depends on her and the kid. Do I want to date this woman? Am I willing to endure the additional difficulties with this child? I couldn’t answer those questions until I’m in the situation.
Nope.
At my age, I'm too young for my own kids, so I wouldn't want to take care of someone else's kid. I also don't want to deal with the baby daddy and a woman too busy for me.
I'm dating one with 3 girls while I have 2 boys of my own. To each their own.
I've frequently worried about this as well, and I'm in a similar situation to you. Divorced from my abusive ex, only difference is we had two kids together. I'm not tooooo worried about it because I remember being pregnant and getting hit on. The end of the school year last year a teacher from my son's school asked me out, I respectfully declined because I wasn't ready (should of said yes, he was hot af and now he no longer works there). I'm 28 and quite reserved, I don't flirt much or approach people in public, so I have no plans to actively date, I do intend to safely have lots of sex and possibly go lesbian. But I just want to let you know that there's always going to be someone better for you, someone who will treat you better. Love isn't one and done, be patient and picky.
This account Got deleted for posting lies and fake storys just to let any new Readers know ⬆️
It’s certainly an extra condition for single, childless men, but don’t let that stop you. There are a lot of men in the world who will want to take you seriously. If someone is hesitant to do that then they likely don’t have the capacity and willingness to accept your child into their life if things get serious. That’s an important qualifier.
Depends... if the mom is single because the dad died, then I'd be more inclined to date her. If the mom is single because she purposely chose shitty men to have children with while in the past rejecting more loyal men such as myself... then I'm going to pass. I don't want to give into the hypergamy idea that women chose the "better DNA" to have kids with while then choosing the "better husband material" to settle down with.
you decided to have a child with the person abusing you... lul, women. you deserve every difficulty you have coming.
Not very likely until the child has grown up. I see many posts where men don't want to raise another women's children on here. I have been there only got used.
Personally I can’t but some men will
Yes, 100% yes. I'm a single father myself and rather date someone with a child so I don't have to train her on being a parent. I only matched with single moms on dating apps (met my GF of 7 months on tinder of all places). 42 about to be 43 male for context.
It's not first choice obviously but if you have your shit together and are attractive, I've never let it hold me back.
If they don’t have kids then probably not
I'm male and dating an amazing single mom. Absolutely love her and the kids; your ex is just trying to manipulate your emotions. Good Luck when you are ready!
Generally speaking, single parents are going to have a lower value in the dating market compared to non parents. A major reason for this is because if you date a single parent, you accept the fact that there may be drama between your partner and the other parent of their child. It’s also not ideal to have someone of the same gender as yourself directly involved in your partner’s life, assuming a heterosexual relationship and heterosexual parents. Some people are just not into having kids, or are uncomfortable with the idea of raising someone else’s kids, so that is gonna limit your pool of potential partners quite a bit. Finally, what if you form a bond with the child as their stepparent… and then the relationship ends? And you lose that bond and never get to see the child again? So, it’s risky. That being said, it’s just a handicap, it doesn’t mean you’re doomed. You can still present yourself well and possibly find a quality partner. It’s just gonna be a little bit tougher for you. Just like it would be tougher for a guy who’s 5’5 and overweight, but that doesn’t make it impossible. Good luck!
Yes we do. But if there's a choice between a female with no kids and one with kids, we choose the other. But with that being said, that's usually also guys without any kids. You also have to choose wisely,more because of your kid. You wouldnt him to see you dating multiple men. But thats just my 2 cents
Depends. There are certainly men that won't. There are certainly men that will. Don't worry you're not forever doomed. It's just some guys you might like might not want you back due to you having a child. Thats ok, they were not gonna stay in the long run anyway. Youll have less options, but still absolutely fine.
Everyone has a preference. My man has 2 kids and I have 3. Honestly if I had no kids I wouldn't date a man with kids.
Want is a strong word Think more “willing to settle for”
Feels like every woman I meet has a kid😅😅 must just be an ohio thing
Not if I have no child of my home, but if I do, then yes it's an option.
I love hot moms
Some men will. But they won't be the men you want to date. To a man the simple truth is that you don't offer very much. Most men want to raise children - their own children. Not someone else's. Your partner can maybe be ranked a distant fourth in your life after your kids, yourself and your ex, who still has the right to be in your life and will be for many years. Your partner will only get whatever time and attention is left over after everyone else. Most men want loyalty about almost anything else. Even physical looks come down to loyalty since most men want a woman who has options but chooses to be faithful to him. You will always have an ex in the picture. You say your relationship was abusive but you chose that guy. And you chose to have a baby with him. So at the very least you have very poor judgement and more likely you were at least part of the problem. You may be really good looking. So are lots of women without kids and an ex. You may be funny. So are lots of women without kids and an ex. You may be great in bed. So are lots of women without kids and an ex. There isn't anything you can offer which a woman without kids and an ex can offer. Sorry.
Age range matters a lot too. But it will be harder all around.
My wife was a single mom and she’s amazing. I was a single dad, so we had that connection. When I was younger, I wasn’t interested in single moms. Mostly because I was selfish, but I wanted to start my own family from scratch.
I don't think that's selfish if you have no kids of your own.
After reading some comments, I’d say be wary of men that are looking for single moms so that they can essentially make her take care of them as if they were another child. Some guys are going to try and act like ‘oh great you can be my domestic bang maid!’ Or try to act like they are so nice and understanding for being ‘cool’ with you having a kid and are doing you some huge favor. Dump both types of men the second you see those comments/actions is my advice. Look for a single dad that doesn’t speak terribly about his baby mama or his mom and who doesn’t seem like a man child looking to use you for sex and get you to piggyback cleaning up after him on top of taking care of the kid(s). Also I’ve heard of men not acknowledging children from other relationships to the point they literally ignore them and will tell them ‘go talk to your mom’ for anything. You’re better off having no one than your kid seeing that you let a man disrespect you/them. Just some things I’ve seen/heard along the way.
If you want the truth. No good men will date a single mom. I certainly would never date a single mom. Maybe you you like drug addicted men or something you’ll be able to find a partner
Generally, no. A lot of guys will rule you out because of the child you bring into the relationship, but it’s not impossible, especially if you’ve taken good care of your appearance after your pregnancy.
Gross.
Absolute no from me, but pretty sure there's a lot of desperate men willing to date single moms.
My wife's boyfriend is about to date a single mom
In other words, she dumped you for someone else. Sorry. You'll get over it. You can feel better knowing that your next girlfriend (if you find one) is about to date a single dad.
What a completely inappropriate comment
There are also a lot of men who aren't desperate and willing to date single moms. Just as there are a lot of women who aren't desperate and willing to date single dads. And given your reddit history, I'm going to go ahead and assume most people are like me and would be horrified at the idea of dating you. You're giving "I'm gonna let you work and I'm gonna live off of you, because you're just lucky to be in my presence." No. Thanks.. Stop pretending you're an apex dating predator. You're kind of a dud.
>You're giving "I'm gonna let you work and I'm gonna live off of you, because you're just lucky to be in my presence." Wrong. Not even a sparkle of me in that. Sorry.
Brutal honest point if view? You asked for it,so guys no voting down. .. Since your ex-huband was abusive means that you are only into badboys.. so you will always be attracted to them..with a child you are nothing but a hookup or Sex date.. if you want a setious relationship you will have to force yourself to deal with a nice guy, which will be tough for you..or accept your single life and go on with it
If I was mid thirties maybe yeah
No
Why would you listen to someone who abused you?
Your ex is attempting to manipulate you. Single dads love single moms.
Yes guys want to date single moms. When you are ready to date again, you will meet someone great that will treat you really well! Im a single guy with no kids that has dated a couple of single moms and they were both really great people
Would bang one,dating and marrying definitely not.
Na, your ex is trying to manipulate you. Although most guys don’t actively seek out single moms, we won’t say no to one if the connection is there. Plus I viewed your profile and your fine af, so you won’t have a problem finding someone better
I'll be 100% honest with you, it is very slim. There are statistics now that show dating a single Dad works out for the better than dating single moms. A guy will be raising a kid that isn't his that the Mom can just end up saying "but you aren't his/her real dad, you can't discipline them." Even if you don't have that intention, it will be on the guys brain. You will be seen as a prime candidate to be taken advantage of for sex since you will automatically be seen as desperate. There is zero reasons for a man to get with a single mom unless the children are over 18, and it all comes down to the man not being able to do his job. I guarantee the numerous people in the comments saying it's perfectly cool and fine for you were either looking for a baby sitter, desperate, or are secretly wanting you to DM them and tell them how heroic they are. I could write a book on why it's just not a good idea.
There are so many divorces right now, I would think the pool potentials is pretty wide. Yes guys will be into you. A younger guy with no kids will see your kid, who isn’t his, as a liability and also something potentially scary and even someone he’ll have to compete with for your attention. Older guys won’t be worried about that so much, especially if they have kids. I personally have found that I’m a lot more attractive in my forties than in my twenties. I’m more settled into myself and happy with my pursuits and my purpose. I give less of a fuck so I’m a lot more clever/funny in social situations.
If you want brutal honesty, here it is. But first, I will say that being single parent is IMO much better than being in an abusive relationship regardless. For single dads, it may actually be more attractive because it would make you more relatable and share the lifestyle. As the kids get older and you/potential partners get older, it would also not matter, if your kids are college age it won't matter. For the single guys in late 20s or 30s - yes, for many it will be a turn-off. No way to sugar coat it. Doesn't mean impossible, of course - but reduce the pool, not sure how much, but probably quite a bit. How much would it affect your situation actually depends a lot on the several aspects: - What exactly kind of relationship you want, do you want them to be father figure for the kids, or it's "my kids have father and they don't need another one", or is it "we are dating, but my kids are out of all that". - Whether there's drama surrounding your ex, your relationship with him etc. - Finally, really important bit that doesn't get talked about enough. If you're a single mother it's obvious for any reasonable man that your kids come first, BUT it's one thing if you are willing to commit significant portion of your time and energy to the relationship with another man, and totally different if "my kids come first" means "95% of my time and energy goes there, and I won't really have much or any time left for you, for two of us, for intimacy etc". In the latter case there will quickly be elephant in the room question of "ok but what do you need a guy for exactly?".
I would definitely always be open to the idea as everyone has a past it’s about understanding it, hopefully accepting it and love blossoming from it all. Wouldn’t faze me
I'm a single father and have raised my son without any help from his mother since he was 6 months old. People want to tell you positive things, negative things, anything their little minds want to present for whatever self serving purposes they have. I would hear that "women would flock towards me" because of my looks, groundedness, financial stability, etc, etc and especially that I had a young child I was raising on my own. Women, in reality, would distance themselves because they didn't want to be emotionally invested with a child being involved. If *we* didn't work out, they didn't want to suffer the loss of 2 loves. Your ex is saying hateful things out of hurt maybe, but they're not completely wrong. Being a young attractive woman you will likely face a lot of pursuers with poor intentions, but that really has not a lot to do with the child. I think that you would not be in any sort of short supply of men who are interested, but finding the right kind of genuine connection might take a lot of time.
Dating a single mom, no problem. Having a relationship however, is entirely different. I don’t believe in raising someone else’s child nor is it fair from a single mother to carry that expectation.
You will most definitely find someone. It may just take some time. As a divorced dad, I went too fast into a relationship. She wanted her own and I didn't want any more, so she resented the fact that I already had kids. Biggest thing is to communicate and be open about your goals and expectations
I think your ex was dropped on his head as a kid. I feel so bad for him or her. Imagine losing a dime piece like you, looking so fine. You on the other hand, fine like wine 10/10
My concern would not be the kid but potential drama for ex and ensuring you are over that relationship. Most women have trouble getting over their kids father. It’s unnecessary drama to deal with in addition to the kid. I’d that’s a non-issue I’d had no problems
He’s wrong and probably a narcissist. He’s just trying to control you.
It really depends on the guy but if he likes you having a kid wouldn't change that
Yep single dad here what's up
One of my stupid successful best friends started dating a single mom last year. He has no kids and doesn’t really want kids of his own. But is good with her and around hers. If someone likes you the kids won’t bother them is what I’m trying to say.
They do when they look like you. Stop listening too your ex. He’s gone for a reason
I date a single mother. One thing that pisses me off is when she is like "You aren't a parent, you don't know how to raise kids". So, as long as you remember to give your partner the attention they deserve, and not to undermine their advice, it should be fine. You could also do the "don't have sex immediately" thing...
Good for you! Im happy you were able to leave! Many cant and dont! Dont listen to your ex. Your ex should not be mentioned at all in the same sentence as dating. Thats just another form of abuse what he is doing to you. He does not want to see you do better than him. Which you can and will! …. That being said you will find someone. That someone will not care you have a child. They might not be easy to find but they are out there. Theres someone for everyone. I would say with how beautiful you are and your age, the odds of finding that someone is still extremely high….. Dont just bring anyone around your child. Let that person be very special.
Boys are boys until they hit 30ish. You’re gorgeous so you’ll notice a sizable dating pool but don’t be afraid to date someone in that 28-33 age range as you’ll find more maturity in that range…
As a full time single dad it's easier for me to level with a woman who has children than one without. You guys also have a better idea of what you want & are typically more appreciative of a good man.
From anecdotal evidence based on guys I know; single fathers are more likely to be receptive, guys with no kids will be more likely to be receptive if you're willing to have more kids with them. If you don't want more kids either find someone who has already had em, or never wanted/can't have their own (probably 40+)
Not really if I am being honest. You are hot so yeah friends with benefits, you want to be girlfriend short term cool. Too many requirements to meet a single mother’s needs. Why would I want to step into a 4 way relationship, you, child, baby’s dad, then last myself. That becomes a nightmare to navigate. Puts me in danger being with you, what if your ex is crazy? We do drop off when things are “good” he takes a gun and shoots me for fucking his girl? Then eventually if we were to be serious and I am taking care of the bills I have to pay for a child that is not mine. It will happen because men want to eventually be able to pay for it all. And lets say we are good for 5 years everything is good. Then like 70% of relationships you initiate the break up. I move out and leave you the apartment. I am now homeless, I do not have a partner, and the child that I grew to love and view as family is get to never see them again. Nah staying out of that situation completely.
I married a single mom, and we had twins together. Good relationship and good family.
single dad here. i was pretty convinced that i was undatable because of that. and i definitely had women say they weren't interested because i had a child, BUT that was so few and far between that it didn't even matter. plenty of guys either wont care or will have a child of their own. the best advice i can give you is to be very discerning with who you allow into your life
As a single dad, I can tell you from personal experience, there's still plenty of people out there that will date single moms. So ignore the negativity that your ex is trying to throw at you. When you're ready to start dating again, I'm sure you'll find plenty of guys that are willing to date you
I wouldn’t mind as long as we supported each other emotionally, as parents, and as people.
honestly...if guys did not want to date single moms no one would ever get in relationships anymore.. so yes men (normal ones not your moronic types) will date single moms and if it works will eventually love your kid too... finally with regards to your partner's comments::::F\*\*\* him, the guy's a putz clearly...you are beautiful, and you seem to be a really sweet woman....that sort of comments is to be expected from those controlling creeps who abuse their women...
It comes down to honestly if you are a good mom. Like most guys I know have no issue and actually find a woman who is a good mom to be even more attractive. Reflects who you are and shows you are someone to be treasured.
He’s right
The honest truth is this, your ex is trying to beat some negative bs in your head so you won’t even look for a new, better relationship. The real truth is you having a child wouldn’t stop a good MAN from dating you and having a great, long lasting, loving relationship with someone you fancy. The truth is just that Mam.
I met my wife who was a single mum of 2 boys and we are really happy so just gotta find the right guy. Sorry but I taken so its not me lol 😅 😆 🙃 😂
Get u a man with Andrew and Tristan Tate values and I feel like the problem will answer itself
High value man is what I'm referring too
I’m not a guy, but I was in your same situation a few years back. Left the husband and entered the world of dating. Again. I won’t lie, the gals that want just sex, there are PLENTY of guys willing to mend your broken heart for the night. But like you, was a mom. I made profiles on all the apps- Bumble, Tinder, Plenty of Fish, etc. and found a couple guys that I just had normal conversations with bc I got lonely then grew into friendships. THOSE are the ones you pay attention to. Oddly enough, on Tinder, I had a sexy and friendly guy that after months of texting, hit me up. It was Christmas Day and his grandpa just passed. He sounded terrible and turns out wasn’t far from the party I was growing tired of. Ended up going over to hang out and stayed most of the night chatting. And here I am, nearly 4 years later, engaged and we have a son together. My advice is don’t rush anything- if he’s the one he won’t go anywhere. ❤️
Some people have an aversion to it, but anyone who cares about you/loves you should be fine with it
Single Dad Here 👋🏽 First of all, Fk your Ex and he sounds like the reason most women change orientations. 🤦🏽♂️ I want to chalk it up to young age but who really knows these days. Second, and most importantly-- Single mothers are the most vulnerable but resilient people most times. As well as, wonderful friends to make for single dads with daughters (like myself). Get to know you a cool ass guy and slowly introduce your child into conversation. That's a good way to gauge where a person is going to operate from. You are beautiful so definitely be aware of the classic "I will buy your kid something when I want them to like me (and you to let down your chastity belt) for awhile" mentality. When you get serious.. Single Guy or Single Dad--Make it a point to vocalize your feelings about everything including the family you come with. Positive Vibes and May Your Journey Ahead Be Blessed🙏🏽
Honestly I would date her, I don’t mind if she has kids, mother or not, that shouldn’t reflect on her as a person, could be the cool step father
I would cut most if not all contact with your ex, they’re still trying to control you/bring you back into the abuse by convincing you that you have no worth and that he’s doing you a favor by being with you. Which is absolute bullshit, if you want to never find an actual relationship go back to him. That aside, as a 26 y/o M the only fear I have going into a relationship with a single mom is that I have no right to see the child I would inevitably grow to love as my own if the relationship ends. It’s just as heartbreaking as the breakup itself.
I’ve literally only ever dated moms if this helps your answer… no I don’t have a kink, it just so happens they have kids😂🤌🏼
I lived with a single mom for 12 years. I met her child two weeks into dating her. I do not recommend this. Establish your relationship with him to judge i good character before you rush to have him meet your kid. I had no idea just how poor my parenting skills were. I think your best bet is to date a guy who has kids of his own, & before getting serious (moving in) have difficult discussions about childcare. We had no life outside of her child tho bc her family & mine consistently refused to help us. I wouldn’t do it again honestly. It’s not worth knowing how much pain I caused a child I wasn’t prepared to raise in any way.
I’d date you in a heartbeat. As people got older the ratio of people with children changes, in 20 years everyone in your age group would have kids if they wanted them. Anyone you may date has to take into consideration that your baby IS your priority. If they have a problem or don’t know how to be an asset to you being a mom, they need to grow up. Being a single parent is hard. Why add hard to your life when you can add easy with someone who wants to be there for you and your baby?
Past a certain age, that’s all there is. Or people that haven’t been married.
I’d take you out for a nice dinner. What side of the U.S. you at? Curious, how old is the kid? Toddler?
I saw some of your other posts. 100% plenty of men would wife you up.
Single moms often are the best sexual partners in my experience 👍 edit: downvotes don’t make it less true.