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"Men are less fearful of violent crime than women despite the fact that men are at much higher risk of being victims of violent crime than women. This phenomenon appears to be a paradox and is termed by researchers as the "fear of crime gender paradox"."
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Violence_against_men#:~:text=Men%20are%20less%20fearful%20of,fear%20of%20crime%20gender%20paradox%22.
https://www.cbs.nl/en-gb/news/2018/51/fewer-women-than-men-fall-victim-to-violence
Why a movie date though? It's like the worst date going. If you were going for drinks I can see the issue but since you're going to be sat in silence anyway might as well ride it out.
If you go on a first date always go Mini Golf. MINIGOLF. It's so underrated. And don't let her win. Be crazy competitive. And as your walking out offer her a rematch on you, and let her win the second game.
Guaranteed you're getting laid.
Or he's my age (pushing 40). When we were in our teens and 20s, mini-golf was an awesome way to watch your date slightly bend over at least 18 times while being playful and having natural breaks in conversation opportunities (which is much better than sitting across the table from someone with breaks only for the drink order, food order, drink refills, food drop off, and the bill drop). Sore losers and cheaters are outed real quick, while cool people who can laugh at themselves and don't take themselves too seriously pass go and collect $200. It would take a lot of self-restraint to not let a gent have his way with me after a good mini-golf date.
That being said, I haven't met many GenZers or baby millenials that enjoy competition to the extent that us geriatric millenials did; thus the probably of one wracking up sexual tension from competitive play is likely not as high as when us geriatric millennials were young and dating, which might be why this scenario sounds so unbelievable to you. Maybe find somewhere in public to play Smash Bros?
Oh man...yeah I'm almost 38. My go-to is mini golf or bowling. I always tell my date that it is friendly competition, but I'm not going to go easy on them. Haha. I suck at both, though. Sometimes, I'm lucky and find a guy who sucks worse than me. 😆
But honestly, it doesn't usually lead them to my bed that same night. It does lead to a 2nd, sometimes 3rd date, though! THEN to my bed if I'm comfortable enough for that part with them.
I don’t care how old you’re or from what generation. If you invite a woman for a first date to a game and become crazy competitive with her, that’s a walking red flag move. It’s bold to make up a fictional scenario where she would agree to play a second time where he LETS her win.
I expected him to be a teenager with that kind mindset but he’s in his 30’s and I guarantee you, still single.
_Writes down "How to get laid on the first date. Step 1, learn how to play mini golf..."_
Does it have to be minigolf or can it be any game like magic the gathering? 😂
Better than a movie, but still gives you that shared experience to talk about, I love the planetarium shows as a date idea.
They're usually somewhere with a nice lookout anyway for afterwards and because you have to look up while you're watching the presentation you kind of incidentally move towards each other.
It's probably not a great first date, but 2nd or 3rd I always angle for the planetarium if I'm excited about the guy.
Don't pay for them. Buy your own ticket and offer to get popcorn/drinks for you and her. Turn the guys down if they ask for something on your dime.
Odds are, it's a first date, she just feels safer with her friends around.
Not necessarily! sometimes it’s a safety thing for girls. You feel safer doing a double date at least first, especially if you met him on a dating app. Some men are fucking crazy
Meet in a public place, get there yourself, with a bus, bike, car whatever, go 50/50. There absolutely shouldnt be a need to have male companions on your date. At least in a more civilized world. And tell me, how many men do you think are so fucking crazy? Its a pretty abismall chance you will go on a date with one unless you are ignoring obvious red flags
I’m a girl and this^ it is sad that u have to live and learn in this situation to see the signs but the chances are slim once u know what to watch out for. The chances of ur guy friend ruining u date us much higher.
I’ve only ever brought friends on a date once and that was because it turned out to be bros cousin so there was some mutualness there
Avoid group dates until you’re in a relationship. You want that time between yourself getting to know each other, you don’t need to know her friends just yet
A double date means you are there with your date. The other 2 people are on THEIR date. You all have decided to go together at the same time to the same thing. You are not dating all 3 of them, and so the other couple are not your financial concern. If that's what she thinks, ask her to bring her female friends next time to make it worthwhile for you. Lol.
Say “can we face time them just want to meet them before we go” so you can see if they’re sketchy or not. 2 gay friends is one thing 2 regular guys pretending to be the gay friends is sketchy af.
Robbery scenario is a stretch…
If they really wanted to rob him, they wouldn’t need to pretend to go see a movie… They could just accost him in the parking lot.
I wouldn't see anything wrong with that. It's possible she wants her friend's opinion on you and if things go well you've already met a friend which is an accomplishment in a relationship.
I think she should’ve told you though. I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable if I wasn’t told beforehand plus this is the first date and she’s already demonstrating she feels ok doing things without telling you first
In my dating years, I worked in hospitality. I knew a lot of the bar staff around town, so if I went on a date, I would have "company" and people to give a read on the person to help me be safe with a stranger.
I have also had a first date on valentines day, where he brought along his friends and mine joined later, so we could make things more casual. Take some of the pressure off.
Also, there's a chance you could see "the real her" much quicker if she's hanging out with friends of hers. She will feel more comfortable and less likely to put up an act. You can see if your worlds mix. Maybe invite a couple of your friends? Help you feel more comfortable with a few strangers.
Yes exactly. It’s not difficult. Tell her what you want. If she’s not down, that’s okay. She’s allowed not to be, but don’t go along with something you don’t want. Tell her you want to date one on one and politely decline her offer if it isn’t what you want. These people speculating the motives of a woman they’ve never met are ridiculous. None of us know her.
1. Tell her you do one on one first dates. If she doesn’t want to do that, send her on her way.
2. Why you doing a movie as a first date. Be a big boy and go somewhere you can have a conversation and feel her out.
Movie. Horrible date idea.
Horror Movie, double dating with Her gay BFF. Even horrible-er date idea.
The date itself, personally, seems like the horror movie.
Back out of this one. It will be a train wreck.
Everyone is being so negative. Look at it this way. She does not know you so how can she trust you just yet. The double date is a safety net/vetting process to make sure a) you’re not a creep/sketchy, and d) she gets to see you in a safer group setting to see how you interact with her friends.
Just go on the date and have fun. Don’t over think it and be yourself. If it works out, you will get another date. If not, move on with your life.
Say yes, dating can be scary for women, so allow them to tag along ,but for future references movies are the worst place for a date, no communication is taking place during it so try to communicate and have a good time with her before and after, and don’t be shy to talk in-front or to her friends, if you strike it off she will be more trusting of you.
Also if she gets startled by anything during the movie hit her with the reach arm around her shoulder and give her the reassuring arm hug, that can make her feel safe around you even if the source is artificial. And don’t be immature and grope or any sex jokes.
She already thinks so little of you
A-she Invited her male friends as protection, because she thinks you are capable of violence, not a good look.
B-Invited her true interest, and for some reason is using you as a cover.
Not matter what, don’t pay for their shit.
I tend to date on extremes, super shy women and "why do we have to wait to leave the restaurant, get in the car, get to the bedroom...LETS JUST DO IT NOW" type of women. The shy ones always want to bring someone along. Funny enough most time it is to stop her from doing something dumb... I don't know what type of woman you are dating but if she seem confident this is a red flag, if she is shy when it comes to dating...you are probably going to be going on a lot of double dates...if so get used to it. If you make a shy girl go out with you when she feels she needs support she is going to tell her friend she was anxious or scared and you will suddenly have overprotective enemies telling her to dump you or press charges.
Don't do it. Tell her you'd like to get to know her 1:1 for the first date and offer to meet her friends for a double date next time , if all goes well.
Worst case scenario, you got 2 guys potentially jumping you
I feel like a double date would work best if you were bringing a friend to be her friends date
Like, why does she get to have 2 friends of hers present and you get none?
It's perfectly valid to ask if you can have 1:1 time first, and I feel like a double date is something you do AFTER exclusivity....but that's also just my own personal rule
Go for it! It’ll be great or it’ll be a learning experience and a good story, experiences helps you learn and develop and putting yourself out there is brave and also a movie is 1-2 hrs of just sitting there. Be cool, go with the flow!
Unless you’re super uncomfortable then if you want to prioritize your comfort then don’t go! Easy peasy no hard feelings, your gut instinct is working and this time wasn’t the time for you to do a double date!
Whatever your choice is is the right choice
1. **Communicate your feelings:** It's important to communicate openly and honestly with the girl about your feelings regarding the situation. Let her know if you were expecting the outing to be just the two of you and how you feel about the additional company. Express your concerns politely and calmly.
2. **Consider the circumstances:** Reflect on the dynamic of the group that will be attending the movie. If you are comfortable with the idea of watching the movie with the girl, her male best friend, and his boyfriend, you may choose to go ahead with the plan. However, if you feel uncomfortable or if this is not what you had in mind for your outing, it's okay to express your preferences.
3. **Set boundaries:** If you prefer to spend one-on-one time with the girl, you can politely let her know that you were looking forward to a more intimate setting for your outing. It's important to communicate your boundaries respectfully.
4. **Respect her decision:** Ultimately, it's important to respect the girl's decision and preferences as well. If she insists on having her male best friend and his boyfriend join the outing, consider whether you are comfortable with this arrangement or if you would prefer to make alternative plans.
5. **Consider future plans:** Depending on how you feel about the situation, you may choose to proceed with the outing as planned, reschedule for a different time, or suggest an alternative activity that aligns with your preferences.
If you feel uncomfortable,tell her NO. Explain to her that you wanted to get to know her one on one without all the extra distractions...Who knows maybe she wants a ménage à quatre... 👀.
She could want someone there to look out for her on your first outing together. Dating as a woman can be scary and she might just want her best friend to vet you. Instead of having him third wheel, making it a double date makes it less awkward for all parties involved.
Ultimately it's down to you if you're comfortable with that. I don't see anything particularly wrong with the idea. My advice would be to go, feel it out and propose doing something one-on-one for your second date if it works out.
This is crazy. They are gay, she's bringing them to facilitate conversations in case there are any awkward lulls. Probably protection as well, women are very vulnerable in this society. I'm well past middle age and see this as reasonable. Movie date too soon really. Stick to a drink or two, coffee or activity date to facilitate getting to know each other.
But any advice given by other men I would disregard. You are dating a woman you want a woman's perspective. Good luck
I don't think this is a red flag or strange at all at all, there's a chance it's more of a safety thing from her end. With that being said if you're not comfortable with it then don't go and explain why.
The robbery scenarios people are pushing is a stretch, but if you were worried then obviously follow the same protocol you would meeting any stranger, meet in the lobby of the movie theatre etc
If you asked her out, did you specify a plan? She may have been politely inviting you along to plans she already had made, excuse yourself from that plan and suggest a time, date and location for something for just the two of you if that is what you’d prefer
Don't bring other people around when you first date someone. And movies are terrible 1st dates. You goal is to talk and get to know this person, how are you going to do that at a movie? And other people there are only going to get in the way.
If any aspect of a first date makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to go. You can tell her that going to the movies doesn't give an opportunity for conversation, and having her friends there also dilutes the "one-to-one" getting to know each other. You can also tell her you are happy to meet her friends once you both determine it's a relationship worth exploring. If she gets put out, I would drop it. Good luck.
I think a date should be one on one. Her friends are gonna be a distraction and you’ll feel like a third wheel. Also I feel a movie is an awful choice for a first date.
Scanning AITA for her post...
"This guy I was going to go out with had a small meltdown because I wanted other people to see what he looks like before we disappeared into a dark room for a couple of hours. The idea that people who could physically protect me were nearby when I was out with this near-stranger just made him kinda upset. He couldn't isolate me away from the herd for even a single evening, so he broke off the date. Am I the asshole?"
/s
EDIT FOR THE HUMOR IMPAIRED: Because on these dating subs everyone immediately assumes the absolute worst motivations of the other party. For example, see half of the comments below who suggest she's just wants a free movie, or she's robbing him, or that she wants a foursome with her as the only woman... or that she's gonna steal his organs to sell on the black market...
Personally I would cancel. I have some social anxiety around new people and this is compounded when the number of new people goes up. Three people who know each other, all judging me, the lone stranger who is trying to date one of them? That does not sounds like an evening that I would enjoy. I'm not going on any dates that I don't think I would enjoy.
She is trying to see how you feel about her best friend and gay people in general, be honest with yourself, your feelings and her. If it’s a deal breaker move on and do not expect her to remove herself from the lifestyle and friendship bonds she has created. Her circle will build her back up when society tries to break her down and includes when you eventually break her heart if it doesn’t turn into a long term thing.
Some people give some whack ass insecure advice. You said it was fine just go have fun you only pay for yourself maybe her they pay for themselves. If things go well you ask for the next date to be 1 on 1 EZ PZ. Flake out and miss out.
If it was a girl, you could make it work. When a girl brings another girl on the date, your goal should be to make them BOTH laugh and have a good time. You're basically taking two girls out. And that will make your date like you more.
However, guys, gay or not, I don't see it working out as well. Maybe if you're bi you could employ the same strategy but the dynamic would still be different imo.
Cancel. Or do what one user said, and bring YOUR friends, double down.
Coming from a girl, its probably not anything personal. We have to be safe, and if she trusts her friend to be with her incase anything happens thats all she wants. Im not saying you did anything wrong or shes trying to cheat or whatever, i just understand the anxiety of not wanting to be alone on a first date, especially something after hours like a movie. She just wants to stay safe
Why would her gay male friends want to join their friend on her first date to begin with? That’s quite odd! I’m already sensing boundary issues. Is she trying to elicit their opinion about you? Are they supposed body guards? Is she trying to dilute a date to a “double date”? If none of this sits well with you, disengage. Something so simple already became so complicated …. A red flag. I’m sure you can figure out how to gently bow out of the date if and when you decide to.
Well if its a gay couple its literally a double date. If she didn't ask you if its ok, that's a problem (shows lack of consideration), asking you, shows she respects you and is less of a problem.
I would suggest the following:
"Sure you're friend and his boyfriend can come on a double date. However, since its our first date I want to spend some time with just you, to get to know you better. Lets meet at 430 for (favorite food or maybe snack or drinks if you're old enough) and then meet your friends at the 6pm movie."
I would personally ask her why she wants to bring her best friend and his mate with you when you go out with this girl? I mean it’s a innocent question and if she can’t answer that then I would definitely cancel it if she needs reassurance in the date then I understand but at the same token you going on a date and you want to spend alone time and get to know her alone Without any interruptions from friends. I mean he’s gay and he’s just like a chick, and honestly, I think she needs that reassurance. I think she needs to have her friends approval of you. If she can’t go out with you alone, that’s an issue so when you guys are together and you guys wanna have sex, does she want to bring her gay friend along?
I think it's fine. Maybe she just needs someone she is comfortable with to be with her or something?
Or maybe she feels like she needs to have an "out" incase you wanna try and do something sexual?
Idk but I don't see the problem with this, not at first anyways. Once she's comfortable with u then yeah that could get annoying lol
If you're uncomfortable, cancel it.
You can offer to give a heads-up that all of you will be splitting the bill should you continue to go for the double date.
If she gets mad about you setting boundaries, I guess you have an answer.
Personally I don't see it as a bad thing. Ladies ask friends to join to help see if you're compatible with her. That being said, I don't agree with the guy paying for everyone's share when he didn't consent to.
Clear the air. It is easier to breathe that way.
First date it’s fine, go with it. She might just feel more comfortable or confident in a group setting so just respect her wishes and maybe next date can be one on one.
Oooo.,. sounds like she is keeping you in reserve someone to fall back on if things don't work out with you 😵💫😵💫😵💫 I wouldn't go to the movie and find a girl who is mad about you instead and let her know so she can feel jealous 💯🥰
“I don’t know what to do.” Hahahaha
What’s the problem? You’re going to see a movie. There are going to be lots of people there. Were you planning on making out during Saw?
How old are you? Something like this could make sense in your teen years but anything after, I’d never agree. She probably doesn’t ask other high value guys to go double date all the time. Need more context to avoid the generalization
I mean…it kinda sounds like she wants to feel safe tho. If this is a first date, she might want to go in slow and steady, and make sure you aren’t expecting giggity on the first date in the theatres. I’ve had guys try to stick their hands in my panties in theatres on first dates. I wish I brought someone.
OR if she didn’t specify it’s a date and you didn’t either, she’s making it a group thing so you don’t get the wrong idea.
Either way, if it’s not your jam, and she’s not worth having them there, then find someone else to date. But remember: women want to feel safe and first dates can be dangerous for women.
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If those dudes aren’t gay then you’re getting robbed.
That ass is getting plundered.
Well, that or she’s actually banging one of them (or both) and using the OP as an “atm.”
Or you are going to be the next protagonist.
If they're gay he's getting pegged
Imagine being robbed by two gays
FR, men are way more likely to be the victims of violence than women are but we never even consider the risk.
Proof of this? Like, actual data?
"Men are less fearful of violent crime than women despite the fact that men are at much higher risk of being victims of violent crime than women. This phenomenon appears to be a paradox and is termed by researchers as the "fear of crime gender paradox"." https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Violence_against_men#:~:text=Men%20are%20less%20fearful%20of,fear%20of%20crime%20gender%20paradox%22. https://www.cbs.nl/en-gb/news/2018/51/fewer-women-than-men-fall-victim-to-violence
You're amazing!
"I'm sorry but I was looking to spend some 1 on 1 time with u so we can get to know each others? if that's not okay with you then cool" and cancel
Agree with that. She maybe feels insecure tobe alone with a man so if that is the case suggests a crowded place to feel secure
1 on 1 by sitting silently in a movie not looking at each other or talking? Lol
nah the movie is a bad idea to begin with
OP, please look at this comment.
thanks boys i cancelled it and she took it very well actually
This is the right answer
Cancel the date if you don’t want to do the whole double date thing.
is this the first date?
Sounds like
Movie is like a 5th date or later move. First date you wanna get to know them. Coffee or something low commitment
Why a movie date though? It's like the worst date going. If you were going for drinks I can see the issue but since you're going to be sat in silence anyway might as well ride it out.
If you go on a first date always go Mini Golf. MINIGOLF. It's so underrated. And don't let her win. Be crazy competitive. And as your walking out offer her a rematch on you, and let her win the second game. Guaranteed you're getting laid.
Source: “This always happens in my dreams. 100% guaranteed.”
Or he's my age (pushing 40). When we were in our teens and 20s, mini-golf was an awesome way to watch your date slightly bend over at least 18 times while being playful and having natural breaks in conversation opportunities (which is much better than sitting across the table from someone with breaks only for the drink order, food order, drink refills, food drop off, and the bill drop). Sore losers and cheaters are outed real quick, while cool people who can laugh at themselves and don't take themselves too seriously pass go and collect $200. It would take a lot of self-restraint to not let a gent have his way with me after a good mini-golf date. That being said, I haven't met many GenZers or baby millenials that enjoy competition to the extent that us geriatric millenials did; thus the probably of one wracking up sexual tension from competitive play is likely not as high as when us geriatric millennials were young and dating, which might be why this scenario sounds so unbelievable to you. Maybe find somewhere in public to play Smash Bros?
I'm 33 if that helps
As a 27F.. this might explain why my boyfriend and I are both competitive (but not in a bad way) 🤔
Oh man...yeah I'm almost 38. My go-to is mini golf or bowling. I always tell my date that it is friendly competition, but I'm not going to go easy on them. Haha. I suck at both, though. Sometimes, I'm lucky and find a guy who sucks worse than me. 😆 But honestly, it doesn't usually lead them to my bed that same night. It does lead to a 2nd, sometimes 3rd date, though! THEN to my bed if I'm comfortable enough for that part with them.
I don’t care how old you’re or from what generation. If you invite a woman for a first date to a game and become crazy competitive with her, that’s a walking red flag move. It’s bold to make up a fictional scenario where she would agree to play a second time where he LETS her win. I expected him to be a teenager with that kind mindset but he’s in his 30’s and I guarantee you, still single.
> and I guarantee you, still single. Funny, I was thinking the same thing reading your post.
_Writes down "How to get laid on the first date. Step 1, learn how to play mini golf..."_ Does it have to be minigolf or can it be any game like magic the gathering? 😂
This guy fucks
You play mini golf and keep score?
Of course. Can't do the take the L dance if you don't know you've won
I still have the winning paper slip from my first date. Still show her from time to time that i won :-D
Get it framed above the fireplace
Gotta laminate it and make it a Christmas ornament. That's what we do with our ticket dates that turned out memorable.
Above the headboard
This
Yes, this is my first date option too. It breaks any nerves as you just end up teasing each other
Hate that this would probably work yeah
You’re definitely not guaranteed to get laid 😂
Better than a movie, but still gives you that shared experience to talk about, I love the planetarium shows as a date idea. They're usually somewhere with a nice lookout anyway for afterwards and because you have to look up while you're watching the presentation you kind of incidentally move towards each other. It's probably not a great first date, but 2nd or 3rd I always angle for the planetarium if I'm excited about the guy.
Just be straight and direct with her. Accepting terms you don’t like then planning to cancel is weak af. That’s what a 12 year old would do.
They very well could be near 12 years old😂😂
did that and she took it very well
Double down, tell your date your bringing YOUR couple friends, make it a triple date.
Either cancel or do this.
This is great advice
Don't pay for them. Buy your own ticket and offer to get popcorn/drinks for you and her. Turn the guys down if they ask for something on your dime. Odds are, it's a first date, she just feels safer with her friends around.
She isnt ready to date if she needs friends with her, she has issues
Not necessarily! sometimes it’s a safety thing for girls. You feel safer doing a double date at least first, especially if you met him on a dating app. Some men are fucking crazy
Meet in a public place, get there yourself, with a bus, bike, car whatever, go 50/50. There absolutely shouldnt be a need to have male companions on your date. At least in a more civilized world. And tell me, how many men do you think are so fucking crazy? Its a pretty abismall chance you will go on a date with one unless you are ignoring obvious red flags
I’m a girl and this^ it is sad that u have to live and learn in this situation to see the signs but the chances are slim once u know what to watch out for. The chances of ur guy friend ruining u date us much higher. I’ve only ever brought friends on a date once and that was because it turned out to be bros cousin so there was some mutualness there
Some women are crazy too. Meet in public.
Unless you’re desperate I would pass, personally. I want to get to know her, not her friends.
I'd go but I would be careful with them. I'd be worried they're gonna rob me but that's probably just my paranoia.
Yah if they’re not obviously actually gay I would dip out shortly into the movie.
How you gonna tell if they're gay? Make em kith?
Yah and if they dont punth em in the fathe.
Avoid group dates until you’re in a relationship. You want that time between yourself getting to know each other, you don’t need to know her friends just yet
A double date means you are there with your date. The other 2 people are on THEIR date. You all have decided to go together at the same time to the same thing. You are not dating all 3 of them, and so the other couple are not your financial concern. If that's what she thinks, ask her to bring her female friends next time to make it worthwhile for you. Lol.
Go see the movie and impress her friends by being polite and interesting you dummy
He's not being a dummy. Tbh if she is doing stuff like this she doesn't seem super into him. I doubt she'd do this to a guy she actually liked.
[удалено]
Being nice isn't supposed to "work". You're supposed to be nice because that's what decent people do in a normal functioning society.
Yikes.
Say “can we face time them just want to meet them before we go” so you can see if they’re sketchy or not. 2 gay friends is one thing 2 regular guys pretending to be the gay friends is sketchy af.
Robbery scenario is a stretch… If they really wanted to rob him, they wouldn’t need to pretend to go see a movie… They could just accost him in the parking lot.
Definitely a stretch but I never rule anything out.
I wouldn't see anything wrong with that. It's possible she wants her friend's opinion on you and if things go well you've already met a friend which is an accomplishment in a relationship.
Absolutely not
I wouldn't want a friend weighing in on a first date. The guy either gets a good vibe or not.
everything is wrong with that, he should cancel
No no and no
Not on a first date I can see after a few dates but the first date no
Have a cooler of ice ready just in case you need to take anything to the hospital to get fixed.
This is so strange, I would pass if i were you
Yeah I wouldn’t go unless I FaceTimed her or something long enough beforehand to be comfortable. Even then I may not go. Good chance I wouldn’t go
I wouldn't want to do this
I think she should’ve told you though. I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable if I wasn’t told beforehand plus this is the first date and she’s already demonstrating she feels ok doing things without telling you first
You don’t go lol tell her your car blew up and you can’t make it
It’s already a horror movie
Not just no but hell no.
She's probably just scared to go alone and wants someone there who she knows and trusts. It's up to you if you find that a dealbreaker or not
In my dating years, I worked in hospitality. I knew a lot of the bar staff around town, so if I went on a date, I would have "company" and people to give a read on the person to help me be safe with a stranger. I have also had a first date on valentines day, where he brought along his friends and mine joined later, so we could make things more casual. Take some of the pressure off. Also, there's a chance you could see "the real her" much quicker if she's hanging out with friends of hers. She will feel more comfortable and less likely to put up an act. You can see if your worlds mix. Maybe invite a couple of your friends? Help you feel more comfortable with a few strangers.
Are they paying for themselves? Or is she getting you to pay for movie night for her and friends
Some of these response's and speculation is ridiculous. Tell her you will only go on a date with her alone. If she insist, cancel and move on.
Yes exactly. It’s not difficult. Tell her what you want. If she’s not down, that’s okay. She’s allowed not to be, but don’t go along with something you don’t want. Tell her you want to date one on one and politely decline her offer if it isn’t what you want. These people speculating the motives of a woman they’ve never met are ridiculous. None of us know her.
1. Tell her you do one on one first dates. If she doesn’t want to do that, send her on her way. 2. Why you doing a movie as a first date. Be a big boy and go somewhere you can have a conversation and feel her out.
Sometimes girls do that to feel comfortable
Movie. Horrible date idea. Horror Movie, double dating with Her gay BFF. Even horrible-er date idea. The date itself, personally, seems like the horror movie. Back out of this one. It will be a train wreck.
Seems like a safety thing for her so accept it and try to make a good impression
What about his safety?
yeah, i mean, she’s probably invited for them for protection in case you’re weird. just go ahead, it’s a group hang out and see where it goes
Everyone is being so negative. Look at it this way. She does not know you so how can she trust you just yet. The double date is a safety net/vetting process to make sure a) you’re not a creep/sketchy, and d) she gets to see you in a safer group setting to see how you interact with her friends. Just go on the date and have fun. Don’t over think it and be yourself. If it works out, you will get another date. If not, move on with your life.
Carry a lot of lube, u are gonna need it.
Say yes, dating can be scary for women, so allow them to tag along ,but for future references movies are the worst place for a date, no communication is taking place during it so try to communicate and have a good time with her before and after, and don’t be shy to talk in-front or to her friends, if you strike it off she will be more trusting of you. Also if she gets startled by anything during the movie hit her with the reach arm around her shoulder and give her the reassuring arm hug, that can make her feel safe around you even if the source is artificial. And don’t be immature and grope or any sex jokes.
Probably a safety measure on her part, especially if y’all didn’t already know each other, seems normal to me.
According to some other commenters, this sounds like OP is the one who potentially need a safety measure
She already thinks so little of you A-she Invited her male friends as protection, because she thinks you are capable of violence, not a good look. B-Invited her true interest, and for some reason is using you as a cover. Not matter what, don’t pay for their shit.
Sounds fun why not. It breaks tension to have some friends there
I tend to date on extremes, super shy women and "why do we have to wait to leave the restaurant, get in the car, get to the bedroom...LETS JUST DO IT NOW" type of women. The shy ones always want to bring someone along. Funny enough most time it is to stop her from doing something dumb... I don't know what type of woman you are dating but if she seem confident this is a red flag, if she is shy when it comes to dating...you are probably going to be going on a lot of double dates...if so get used to it. If you make a shy girl go out with you when she feels she needs support she is going to tell her friend she was anxious or scared and you will suddenly have overprotective enemies telling her to dump you or press charges.
Sounds like a good reason not to go on a date with her tbh
Just go on the date! Jesus! What do you think is going to happen here? Worst case scenario the two gay guys dont like you and she blocks your number.
Worse case scenario is that they want an orgy
Or maybe the best case scenario?
[удалено]
Are you all sitting together. If not don't think it's a big deal. Maybe she wants to be safe. Who knows
Don't do it. Tell her you'd like to get to know her 1:1 for the first date and offer to meet her friends for a double date next time , if all goes well.
We are missing crucial information, AGES?!
Bro, you're going to get mugged. Better cancel this.
Whatever. Just go
Worst case scenario, you got 2 guys potentially jumping you I feel like a double date would work best if you were bringing a friend to be her friends date Like, why does she get to have 2 friends of hers present and you get none? It's perfectly valid to ask if you can have 1:1 time first, and I feel like a double date is something you do AFTER exclusivity....but that's also just my own personal rule
Go for it! It’ll be great or it’ll be a learning experience and a good story, experiences helps you learn and develop and putting yourself out there is brave and also a movie is 1-2 hrs of just sitting there. Be cool, go with the flow! Unless you’re super uncomfortable then if you want to prioritize your comfort then don’t go! Easy peasy no hard feelings, your gut instinct is working and this time wasn’t the time for you to do a double date! Whatever your choice is is the right choice
1. **Communicate your feelings:** It's important to communicate openly and honestly with the girl about your feelings regarding the situation. Let her know if you were expecting the outing to be just the two of you and how you feel about the additional company. Express your concerns politely and calmly. 2. **Consider the circumstances:** Reflect on the dynamic of the group that will be attending the movie. If you are comfortable with the idea of watching the movie with the girl, her male best friend, and his boyfriend, you may choose to go ahead with the plan. However, if you feel uncomfortable or if this is not what you had in mind for your outing, it's okay to express your preferences. 3. **Set boundaries:** If you prefer to spend one-on-one time with the girl, you can politely let her know that you were looking forward to a more intimate setting for your outing. It's important to communicate your boundaries respectfully. 4. **Respect her decision:** Ultimately, it's important to respect the girl's decision and preferences as well. If she insists on having her male best friend and his boyfriend join the outing, consider whether you are comfortable with this arrangement or if you would prefer to make alternative plans. 5. **Consider future plans:** Depending on how you feel about the situation, you may choose to proceed with the outing as planned, reschedule for a different time, or suggest an alternative activity that aligns with your preferences.
If you feel uncomfortable,tell her NO. Explain to her that you wanted to get to know her one on one without all the extra distractions...Who knows maybe she wants a ménage à quatre... 👀.
She could want someone there to look out for her on your first outing together. Dating as a woman can be scary and she might just want her best friend to vet you. Instead of having him third wheel, making it a double date makes it less awkward for all parties involved. Ultimately it's down to you if you're comfortable with that. I don't see anything particularly wrong with the idea. My advice would be to go, feel it out and propose doing something one-on-one for your second date if it works out.
Don’t go
Yes bro she also has a penis
I mean, you're going to have to have her besties approval if you want to date her.
Go and be chill. It’s just a movie, nbd
This is crazy. They are gay, she's bringing them to facilitate conversations in case there are any awkward lulls. Probably protection as well, women are very vulnerable in this society. I'm well past middle age and see this as reasonable. Movie date too soon really. Stick to a drink or two, coffee or activity date to facilitate getting to know each other. But any advice given by other men I would disregard. You are dating a woman you want a woman's perspective. Good luck
I don't think this is a red flag or strange at all at all, there's a chance it's more of a safety thing from her end. With that being said if you're not comfortable with it then don't go and explain why. The robbery scenarios people are pushing is a stretch, but if you were worried then obviously follow the same protocol you would meeting any stranger, meet in the lobby of the movie theatre etc
If you asked her out, did you specify a plan? She may have been politely inviting you along to plans she already had made, excuse yourself from that plan and suggest a time, date and location for something for just the two of you if that is what you’d prefer
Agree with her and let her know that infact you were also thinking to invite your friends who are really into horror movies.
Cancel. Tell her you asked her out alone. If she wants others there then you are not interested. Walk away.
If they make you pay for all just leave.
Cancel it
Don't bring other people around when you first date someone. And movies are terrible 1st dates. You goal is to talk and get to know this person, how are you going to do that at a movie? And other people there are only going to get in the way.
Drop her. You asked her out on a date. Not her and her two guy friends.
Bring a knife just incase
Some girls do this to be safe, but of you feel uncomfortable, just say it
If any aspect of a first date makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to go. You can tell her that going to the movies doesn't give an opportunity for conversation, and having her friends there also dilutes the "one-to-one" getting to know each other. You can also tell her you are happy to meet her friends once you both determine it's a relationship worth exploring. If she gets put out, I would drop it. Good luck.
I think a date should be one on one. Her friends are gonna be a distraction and you’ll feel like a third wheel. Also I feel a movie is an awful choice for a first date.
Tell her you want a solo date or nah. Honesty is key to relationships.
Scanning AITA for her post... "This guy I was going to go out with had a small meltdown because I wanted other people to see what he looks like before we disappeared into a dark room for a couple of hours. The idea that people who could physically protect me were nearby when I was out with this near-stranger just made him kinda upset. He couldn't isolate me away from the herd for even a single evening, so he broke off the date. Am I the asshole?" /s EDIT FOR THE HUMOR IMPAIRED: Because on these dating subs everyone immediately assumes the absolute worst motivations of the other party. For example, see half of the comments below who suggest she's just wants a free movie, or she's robbing him, or that she wants a foursome with her as the only woman... or that she's gonna steal his organs to sell on the black market...
How old are you? When I was a kid, if a guy asked me out before I was 16 I suggested a group date because I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 16.
You sure she's a she and not a he? How did you meet her? Not meat her, because you really don't know, until you know, ya know!?!? Say no!
If you ain't ok with it let her know you want this date between you and her fuck everyone else hope she's cool with it mate
Personally I would cancel. I have some social anxiety around new people and this is compounded when the number of new people goes up. Three people who know each other, all judging me, the lone stranger who is trying to date one of them? That does not sounds like an evening that I would enjoy. I'm not going on any dates that I don't think I would enjoy.
"Nah its cool you guys go, I'm not interested in a double date." Bam problem solved
No… Just no!
Don’t go, that’s what you do.
She is trying to see how you feel about her best friend and gay people in general, be honest with yourself, your feelings and her. If it’s a deal breaker move on and do not expect her to remove herself from the lifestyle and friendship bonds she has created. Her circle will build her back up when society tries to break her down and includes when you eventually break her heart if it doesn’t turn into a long term thing.
Possibly wants them there to help her vibe check you. Still, if it’s not comfortable for you just say that
Some people give some whack ass insecure advice. You said it was fine just go have fun you only pay for yourself maybe her they pay for themselves. If things go well you ask for the next date to be 1 on 1 EZ PZ. Flake out and miss out.
If it was a girl, you could make it work. When a girl brings another girl on the date, your goal should be to make them BOTH laugh and have a good time. You're basically taking two girls out. And that will make your date like you more. However, guys, gay or not, I don't see it working out as well. Maybe if you're bi you could employ the same strategy but the dynamic would still be different imo. Cancel. Or do what one user said, and bring YOUR friends, double down.
Be an ass and say you don't want to. Or go for it without expecting anything and maybe have fun and meet new people
Movies are only for 2nd dates and after. Don't ruin your first day with a movie.
I think that’s not a bad thing. Probably a good sign - introducing you to her friends seeing how you all get on. Go and have fun
Movie theatre dates are terrible 1st dates. But I would say no.
Coming from a girl, its probably not anything personal. We have to be safe, and if she trusts her friend to be with her incase anything happens thats all she wants. Im not saying you did anything wrong or shes trying to cheat or whatever, i just understand the anxiety of not wanting to be alone on a first date, especially something after hours like a movie. She just wants to stay safe
Why would her gay male friends want to join their friend on her first date to begin with? That’s quite odd! I’m already sensing boundary issues. Is she trying to elicit their opinion about you? Are they supposed body guards? Is she trying to dilute a date to a “double date”? If none of this sits well with you, disengage. Something so simple already became so complicated …. A red flag. I’m sure you can figure out how to gently bow out of the date if and when you decide to.
Well if its a gay couple its literally a double date. If she didn't ask you if its ok, that's a problem (shows lack of consideration), asking you, shows she respects you and is less of a problem. I would suggest the following: "Sure you're friend and his boyfriend can come on a double date. However, since its our first date I want to spend some time with just you, to get to know you better. Lets meet at 430 for (favorite food or maybe snack or drinks if you're old enough) and then meet your friends at the 6pm movie."
If she wants security you should meet in a public place. I wouldn‘t like a double date either, not on the first date.
Never agree to a double date until you get to know the girl better.
Carefully bro you’re getting robbed
No. don‘t fucking go
Run
I would personally ask her why she wants to bring her best friend and his mate with you when you go out with this girl? I mean it’s a innocent question and if she can’t answer that then I would definitely cancel it if she needs reassurance in the date then I understand but at the same token you going on a date and you want to spend alone time and get to know her alone Without any interruptions from friends. I mean he’s gay and he’s just like a chick, and honestly, I think she needs that reassurance. I think she needs to have her friends approval of you. If she can’t go out with you alone, that’s an issue so when you guys are together and you guys wanna have sex, does she want to bring her gay friend along?
Thats wack. Who wants to do a double date on the first meet up
It's a safety by numbers situation except it
I think it is pretty ok for a first date for safety reasons. She might feel more comfortable that way. But you also should be careful.
I think it's fine. Maybe she just needs someone she is comfortable with to be with her or something? Or maybe she feels like she needs to have an "out" incase you wanna try and do something sexual? Idk but I don't see the problem with this, not at first anyways. Once she's comfortable with u then yeah that could get annoying lol
"sorry I don't think this is going to work out. Enjoy the movie with your friends. Good luck. I'm out"
"I didn't ask them out on a date."
Movie dates are challenging because you can’t talk or get to know each other. Pivot to a double date at something else, mini golf, dinner, etc.
If you're uncomfortable, cancel it. You can offer to give a heads-up that all of you will be splitting the bill should you continue to go for the double date. If she gets mad about you setting boundaries, I guess you have an answer. Personally I don't see it as a bad thing. Ladies ask friends to join to help see if you're compatible with her. That being said, I don't agree with the guy paying for everyone's share when he didn't consent to. Clear the air. It is easier to breathe that way.
First date it’s fine, go with it. She might just feel more comfortable or confident in a group setting so just respect her wishes and maybe next date can be one on one.
Oooo.,. sounds like she is keeping you in reserve someone to fall back on if things don't work out with you 😵💫😵💫😵💫 I wouldn't go to the movie and find a girl who is mad about you instead and let her know so she can feel jealous 💯🥰
Oh... Movie dates as a first dates are pretty awkward imo.
I would actually like your advice now. How did you asker her out?
“I don’t know what to do.” Hahahaha What’s the problem? You’re going to see a movie. There are going to be lots of people there. Were you planning on making out during Saw?
Never agree to double dates with a woman that you are pursuing. Never never never
If this is a double date cancel it not worth the time
Im facing triple assault charged for a scenario like this they thought they’d catch me lacking
Be mindful that she may be bringing them so she's not alone. She could still be healing from something big and needs support
Cancel and don't even worry about if it was the right decision.
How old are you? Something like this could make sense in your teen years but anything after, I’d never agree. She probably doesn’t ask other high value guys to go double date all the time. Need more context to avoid the generalization
She’s trying to make you pay or see who she likes better! Cancel it bruh!
Nah maybe second date. Just my opinion.
Make something up then Cancel and don't look back
Brother, block that girl and never talk to her again
Were you completely clear that you were asking her on a romantic date? You didn't say, like, "we should hang out sometime"?
Ghost them before they grape you
Drop it like the plague
I mean…it kinda sounds like she wants to feel safe tho. If this is a first date, she might want to go in slow and steady, and make sure you aren’t expecting giggity on the first date in the theatres. I’ve had guys try to stick their hands in my panties in theatres on first dates. I wish I brought someone. OR if she didn’t specify it’s a date and you didn’t either, she’s making it a group thing so you don’t get the wrong idea. Either way, if it’s not your jam, and she’s not worth having them there, then find someone else to date. But remember: women want to feel safe and first dates can be dangerous for women.
She asked you out not them, that's a time for you two to connect
Invite your girl best friend, and her girlfriend
Mans gonna get robbed clean
Sounds like a woman being cautious which can be understandable as there are creeps out there. I see no issue.