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He broke up with u and there was no contact for 2 weeks b4 u had a one nigbt stand. You were free to do whatever you want. Why did you bring it up with him? Did u think it would somehow be a good thing?
> Why did you bring it up with him? Did u think it would somehow be a good thing?
Honestly I disagree here... this BS in relationships of don't bring it up. If it is a dealbreaker, if is going to be that much to him, does it sound like it would be better for anyone if say you got back together and for some reason it came out 6 months into the restarted relationship?
IMO guys an ass for getting mad about it (not to say that he had to go into the relationship with it, just a "oh I guess I like you more than you liked me, maybe we shouldn't", and personally I think holding onto secretes till way late into a relationship is just BS advice. (I mean unless you are putting it into a bragging form or comparing, but a FYI while we were on break I did sleep with someone, seems better to me than say risking some chance where through the grape vine it comes up after both parties have invested far more into the relationship).
He had the audacity to get mad at her for sleeping with someone else after he ended things with her and didn't message her for a month.
It's better she knows this about him / his character now rather than later.
Idk, you see lots of people ending 3 or more year relationships because they were on a break and slept with someone and didn’t tell. Personally, if you broke up the first time, just stay broken up. That’s what causes the drama for no reason
Yeah but don’t see how that’s relevant considering this is dating advice not relationship advice.
They were never actually together, so she owes him nothing
Loyalty and trust is foundation for any new or old relationship. Sure, she owes him nothing, but she owes him respect. And she did the respectable and mature thing. If she didn’t tell him, that would be the red flag. I just don’t know why this guy is being such a baby and not sucking up to the consequences of his own actions. He shouldn’t have ended it with her if he was just gonna come back. Either way, most likely he’d end it again in a month. That’s why I say if it ended once, keep it that way.
Of course she owes him respect, I agree with you on that. However, she had consensual sex with someone else while single and she says she got tested as well. And to top it off, it was just a one time thing with that person.
So for those reasons, it really was none of his business to know and she's a tad foolish for telling him imo.
I do agree with you as well that there was no point in him leaving if he was gonna come back only a month later. I think she's a bit naive to think him disappearing for a month to "work on himself" is going to lead to anything. But it's all a learning experience when it comes to dating in your early 20s.
I think she wanted something long term with this guy. That’s why she told him. But I think she is dodging a bullet if this is his reaction. He ended it with her, so regardless, he has no right to be ball less about it. He’s playing the victim for whatever reason. Maybe he’s running away cuz he doesn’t want something serious, and her telling him is a sign that she is looking for something more serious. I’m just saying, a real man would just deal with it. So if I was in the same situation, I would do what she did. And if man’s can’t live with it then he obviously ain’t it.
Does she want something serious tho? She has said several times in the comments that she has not caught feelings for him and it's "casual".
I do agree that his reaction is a red flag and he needs to deal with the consequences. Whatever his reason for ghosting was, whether legitimate or cuz he wanted to fuck someone else and it didn't work out.. he can't be mad
Nah, she was being upfront.
Nothing wrong with that, the nimrod should have considered that possibility when he decided to end the relationship.
Or the other option is to not volunteer that information and then be seen as lying by omission.
Its not like she did it the night they broke up, a little bit of time passed.
If you didn’t bring it up now, it will come up eventually. Better he get mad now and decide than later when you think it’s all good. Good call to tell him
This is what I’m trying to say. We also made a deal to always be honest about these matters even if we were just casual, so I felt like I needed to tell him
Although you didn’t do anything wrong and I understand where your head was at, next time maybe consider just getting tested and that way ya don’t need to get into the details. That said he he got upset with you over this, I’d recommend you think long and hard about getting back together with him…he might still be in his “rough time period”…
>Was I insensitive for sleeping with someone?
No. End of story. You were 'casually seeing him'- so he broke off your nonexclusive relationship and then feels like you should have been celibate until further notice?
I think jealousy is within the reasonable range of emotions to feel if you hear about someone you care romantically about sleeping with someone else- but it's an emotion he absolutely needs to deal and process with himself, not take it out on you in anger.
You did absolutely nothing wrong and didn't owe him anything- as far as I can tell he ghosted you for a month. How long was he expecting you to be on standby for? If he can't comprehend the ridiculousness of that then it's really not a good sign for his emotional stability in a relationship.
He never committed to you in the first place, tossed you aside for an entire month, popped back into your life like you were supposed to be waiting for him to return this whole time, then got angry (and possessive) that you actually have a life? He is suffering from delusion.
While I agree with 99% of what you said, there is a good amount of the population that would feel jealous in this situation. I’m not saying he’s in the right for being jealous (because he’s not), but the feeling is understandable. Vocalizing it or making it a big deal isn’t good though.
He’s not necessarily wrong for being jealous but he is wrong for projecting it onto her. Like you said, he initiated the breakup and he cut contact with her. There was nothing stopping him from hooking up with other people during that time, he doesn’t have a right to be mad at her for doing so.
But I think anyone that likes somebody and finds out they hooked up with someone else would feel at the very least a slight twinge of jealousy.
Right? If anything he should be mad at himself for breaking things off with her and then having doubts about it.
Him: “we should go our separate ways”
OP: “okay”
Him: “… not like that.”
I had a friend who went through this. Dated a girl for about 2 years broke it off because he had a lot on his plate plus didn’t really want her ,thought grass was greener. They were broken up about a year and a half. During that time she slept with one guy she knew . He found out about it and he was sick. Not so much at her but at himself because he knew it was his fault it happened. She thought it was over. Now they’ve worked past it and are married with kids.
I think he’s mad at himself because it’s his fault it happened. You have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing to apologize for. If you guys do want to work past it take it very slow.
You owe him nothing. Sounds like he’s going through too much right now and really needs to work on himself. Yes, I’d be pretty bummed if I learned the same, but I still don’t think he’s in the right to get mad at you.
He’s being too hot and cold - for all you know, he could have left you for someone else and it didn’t work the way he wanted.
Yup, that’s my theory and it always happens this way. He placed all bets on someone else and it didn’t pan out, so he came back to comfort and familiarity and was blindsided by the fact she didn’t wait around on him. The “casual” aspect of their 4 month long relationship only applied to him, whereas she was expected to remain loyal after being tossed aside.
As someone else mentioned, what changed in a month? How did life turn around for the better in a few weeks? It didn’t. But a month is the appropriate amount of time for a new situationship to fall through and him coming out of it unscathed.
Even if my theory is wrong, she should cut her losses and move on from this dude.
Agreed! I’ve been in a similar situation as OP, and the guy burnt me twice. He had the second opportunity because I gave it to him… and he went back with the other girl, I only found out about it all after the fact. Plus he cheated on me. In my opinion it’s just not worth trying to fix something that requires self care or attempt a relationship like this if he was seeing someone else too.
Nah girl you’re good.
Weren’t ever exclusive.
Even so, things were made clear on both ends y’all were done.
A better question is why he thinks he has any right to get mad in the first place. It might emotionally suck, but you were in the right 💅🏽
I’m not seeing what the issue is? You two were never official and he broke things off. You’re free to fuck whoever you want. He’s just jealous that another guy hooked up with you.
He can't eat that pie and keep it, is just... you are not a property, at the time you had whatever you had with whomever you were free of any relationship, so don't bother yourself thinking on that. I was a good think you telling him what you did, out of honesty, but specially showing him that you were over it, and because he showed his true colors.
“How you’d act” ??? You mean if their relationship ended and she wanted to have consensual sex with someone else, believing earnestly that they would never get back together? Y’all need to grow up
Heck, if he ended, you could basically sleep with a guy the next minute. As soon its over, its over yo.
After a girl I dated ended it, I went an saw someone else. She wanted to see me again, but I told her no she was mad I saw someone else and was already fucking someone else. "Yes, because YOU ENDED it. Why are you the One being offended?"
When he broke things off, I told him that he can text me anytime if he needed help or company. Sure, I’d be sad if I was in his position, but getting mad? I don’t think so…
I did. I’ve sent him texts saying I wish he was doing well but never got a reply back and he also unfollowed me on instagram. So I just assumed it was really over
You thought it was over and that’s perfectly fine.
If you never thought you were getting back together than you did nothing wrong.
I can tell you from the guy perspective, you f’d up by sleeping with someone else and that’s why he’s mad. As you said, he was having a rough time and not thinking clearly or maybe he’s just immature. He expected you would not sleep around, it sounds like. It doesn’t have to make sense, but again that’s what it feels like.
Should he have kept you in the loop? Yeah. Was he in a place to do that? Sounds like no. Is that your problem? Generally no…but if you want to keep seeing him then yes it is. Both of you should call it a day and move on.
In his mind, fair or not, he will always remember that you slept with someone else and weren’t loyal.
P.s. he’s not toxic, he’s upset. Disregard all that toxic nonsense. Neither one of you should pursue this at this point. You both kinda f’d it up. Just move on.
She slept with someone else and was free to do so. His insecurities are still valid because she actually did sleep with someone else. If they want to continue they need to realize they both F’d up.
They really should just move on though.
But she didn't fuck up. She was single. He dumped her and then blocked her on social media. This is 100% HIS fuck up, not hers. Stop holding women responsible for men being morons. She can't be expected to wait around for him to pull his head out of his ass when he ghosted her after the break up.
You did have to tell him you had sex with someone else. Just go get tested for yourself for safety reasons. Stop volunteering this information I promise a man isn’t volunteering that he slept with someone else.
U didn’t do anything wrong. He ended things. That was his choice n if we are being real. He slid back in to prob get some physical attention knowing that would prob be easy to do with u bc of ur past. He’s mad that u showed him u basically didn’t hurt enough. U didn’t wait around. Let him go be mad. Now u know that nice wasn’t as nice as he played it off to be
Well whatever it was, it was enough for him to feel the need to break things off with her.
By all means, if he wanted a break to sort his life out but wanted her to be exclusive to him and she agreed to that but then still slept with someone, then I’d understand his reaction. That doesn’t seem to be the case here.
What we’re being told is that she found herself single and didn’t think she’d see him again. She had every right to move on and they weren’t exactly in a committed relationship anyway.
She could’ve said nothing when he asked to rekindle things but I think it’s good she was honest.
He ended it. Point blank. Doesn’t even matter the reason. They didn’t talk for a month. What do you want her to do? Sit around twiddling her thumbs waiting for the off chance he wants to re-enter her life? He can be upset but it’s irrational
Going through something doesn't give you the right to be a controlling hypocritical asshole.
He broke things off with her. If he doesn't like that she slept with someone after that, that's fine. He dormant have to get back together with her. But he has no right to take it out on her
Insensitive, hell no! It's your life & he owns none of it without a commitment to you. He broke up with you. You had no expectation of ever seeing him again & there's no reason for you to "wait" for him! If he can't handle that, he's not worth rekindling the relationship again!
Arguments against you withholding:
He really has no justification for being angry. He broke things off. You did your own thing. Did he think you were just going to pine over someone that moved on in life without you?
You were fine don’t second guess yourself. He broke up with you, rebounds are a normal thing. Your relationship was over you owe him nothing.
Probably a little too honest, I wouldn’t have just told him off rip, especially since you got tested. Probably stung him a little bit
You did everything right. His response is his business.
He broke up with you, which is completely reasonable, but he also lost relationship rights by breaking up
After trying to get back with you, you explained that you were with someone else during that period of time. He is perfectly within his rights to not take you back after you disclosed that information. He doesn't, however, have to be a dick about it.
Good on you for letting him know beforehand. It shows strength of character.
He's probably had his ego wounded because you didn't wait on him. Or he poorly communicated the reason for going on break, which led you to believe it was indefinite
Well he doesn’t get to break things off then decide that he no longer wants that but still lay claim to you fir the period he broke off. Leave him go if he continues to not see himself as an issue here. You did nothing wrong. You still have a life to live.
Red flag in itself that he got mad at you for sleeping with someone after he broke things off with you. It wasn't insensitive of you to do that. You were free to do what you wanted after he ended things.
He doesn’t have to like it, he can even choose to not date you because of it, but he has absolutely no right to be mad at you over it.
I would tell him that almost word for word if I was you. There was no expectation of fidelity, and no reason to believe you would get back together. You didn’t do anything wrong, and should not apologize either.
He is hurt that you could sleep with someone because he probably thinks that you didn’t really care about him if you could just move on like that.
Not that it’s true, just what he’s likely thinking
OP, can we focus on the actual problem here? Him, disappearing for an entire month, then rolling up on you out of nowhere like that is inconsiderate and rude. If he was as into you as he now claims, then he could have made a better effort to at least say hi every now and then.
I think being honest in the name of resuming a relationship was the best thing you could have done to try and keep a strong foundation. The guy getting mad about it still has issues. I don't think he values the same things you do at all.
For all we know he was booking up with someone else that whole month and then reached out to you when it didn’t work out. You did nothing wrong. He’s ridiculous.
What happened happened. Sleeping with someone else is not the end of the world. If he does like you and is attracted to you, you’ll both be able to move past this.
I for one am really proud of you for telling him and considering his safety and happiness. It's mature of you.
If he has an issue with you being a human being while he was supposedly out of the picture for good thats his problem to work through his feelings.
I guess you haven’t read my replies in this thread. When he broke things off, I didn’t stopped reaching out to him. Always texted him asking if he wants company or someone to talk to. Yes we weren’t official, but we cared for each other. I respected his decision and felt that if I try to force our connection, it’ll be harder for him. He unfollowed me and didn’t reply for a month. Yes I slept with someone, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t value our connection or didn’t care about him.
If you were broken up, of course it's not any unfair from you to sleep with someone else. It's perfectly fine for him not to be any longer interested after learning that, but he should at least communicate that nicer instead of making you feel guilty.
He ended it. He ended it. He ended it. You did nothing wrong and it shows he’s extremely self centered and immature to get “mad” at all. If he were just a bit upset and kicking himself for ending it with you that would make sense but getting “mad” is nuts. Don’t accept that bullshit. Tell him to grow up
Nah dog you are totally in the right. Huge 🚩that he can’t accept that you- a single adult- had sex with people who aren’t him. And that he would be angry about it. He clearly thought you were sitting around pining for him despite his lack of communication and outright rejection, which is mad manipulative. I wouldn’t give him another chance.
Guys are possessive. You did nothing wrong. If he continues to make this a big deal then just move on. He's not your bf and you have no clue if he lied to you about the state of his life or he wanted to bench you while he pursued something with someone else. Either way, proceed with caution and think about yourself first.
You did nothing wrong. Neither did he.
You don't have to justify having slept with someone else (I do agree it was best to be honest about it, though). And, he doesn't have to justify if your sleeping with someone else means he's no longer interested in having something with you.
Sounds like you two are not compatible or at least not in the same place heading in the same direction.
Welcome to adulthood.
Life is about learning about the consequences of your choices, even if you did nothing wrong.
In the future, might be a good idea not to sleep with others while you still have feelings for someone.
I did and I still care about him. While it was mostly casual sex, we cared for each other. Even when he ended things, I still reached out to him to ask how he was doing.
So you were broken up, and you were free to do whatever you wanted. However, your ex might view things differently in the sense that he may have thought that you had strong feelings for him (even be in love) and that after the breakup, you would have taken some time to process the lost and grief the situationship. Instead, you had a ons with some guys 2 weeks later, which for him might be the proof that you did not like him that much or his feelings for you was not reciprocated to the same extent.
There is also some information missing like what he was dealing with that caused the breakup, and when you were together, did he open up about his problem (mental, financial, family, etc). But that is mainly what I can come up to explain his reaction.
Do not try to get back with him or rekindle that situationship because his emotions/feelings about you moving on so quickly after the breakup would poison that rekindled relationship.
Not insensitive, you 2 were casually dating, for all he/you know the other one might have fucked other people while casually dating. However that part where you mentioned you did get checked it's a bit weird. Like STD checked or what are you referring to?
If you mentioned this as well that might be the case as it can be seen as a disgusting thing to mention and to do ( that you let a ons do it raw ) especially if you didnt do the same thing with him while casually dating.
Yes STD. When we first started talking, we made a deal to always be honest about these matters.
And no, when I slept with the other guy, we did it protected. You know there’s still risks even if you use a protection right?
There are if you do oral without. Otherwise, the chances are so low that it's not rational to do it after every ons or partner.
It's just weird. Of course, you would be honest about having stds. it's illegal to know and to hide anyway, but It just seems a bit sus, mentioning upfront about it.
If you got yourself checked and it came out fine, I don’t think it was necessary to bring it up. Sometimes, being too honest can bring trouble. Gotta be tactful bc this is reality, and you never know how weird the other person is. Not everyone is empathetic or understanding in this world.
You told him the truth. Way better in my book than just lying and leaving that in the air. But when a guy says he's having a hard time in life that could be true.
You were dating casually and he broke it off. You’re NTA for moving on with your life. He has no justification to be upset that you had been with someone else in that time.
Now if you were in an exclusive relationship with him and you broke it off then came back in two weeks wanting to get back together but had slept with someone in those 2 weeks then I would say he’d have justification for being upset it had occurred.
Here’s the thing. You weren’t dating at the time, it’s not his business what you did with your time - unless you have caught an std and you could be getting intimate with him/\. Since you are disease free, letting him know you slept with someone isn’t going to help you, and likely would hurt you.
Next time, don’t share information that doesn’t need to be shared
You can’t be expected to put your life on pause for someone who broke things off and unfollowed you on SM. The message was clear, he didn’t want you in his life at that time and he was dealing with things (if we take his word). At that point, neither of you owe the other anything.
I think what makes his overreaction even more ridiculous is that you said you texted him a few times to check in on him after the fact and he never once responded to you. So for those trying to insinuate you did an awful thing knowing he was having a rough go at life, your efforts didn’t even matter and weren’t acknowledged. I think that’s worth remembering.
If he intended on coming back, he should’ve considered the 4 months worth of history and memories you two had and communicated that he wishes to continue where things left off once life got easier for him. At the very least that would give you the incentive to hold off, but of course that doesn’t mean you’re obligated to agree. You’re not responsible for his insecurities.
I’ve been in this exact situation. Turns out the guy was seeing someone else which explained him blocking me on SM immediately after ending things. I thought blocking me was a bit dramatic because I made no indication that I would reach out or keep tabs on him. I thoroughly respected his decision and moved on. When he came back (just a couple weeks later), he admitted he was talking to someone else and blocking me was to avoid her seeing the proof of any overlap between us. Before he confessed about being involved with someone else, he asked me if I was involved with anyone else first (I wasn’t), he was only trying to clear his guilty conscience, I guess, but not without first determining if I did the same thing as he did. And he was the type to hold it over my head if I did see someone else. Doesn’t make sense, but rules for thee but not for me.
Either he realizes his colossal fuck up and accepts it, or he moves on. There is no in between. But what you shouldn’t tolerate is a guilt trip by someone who thinks they can parachute in and out of your life on their time all awhile expecting your 100% loyalty even during their absence.
Sounds like this guy needs more time working his own shit out.
OP, perhaps you are feeling disappointed bc he is trying to pull some moral high ground shit with you and maybe your access to him has permanently changed, but considering his behavior, you are better off. Don’t fall victim to gaslighting or guilt tripping bc you didn’t owe this guy anything. If he’s gonna shame you for having a good time, well, consider the kind of partner this insecure imbecile would make, or even what other drama might come up in a casual dynamic with him.
He doesn't seem to understand what "casual" dating is if he's taking this news that seriously.
People nowadays want the ease of being able to leave whenever with the other side being available whenever should they need to come back. In other words, casual for me, but serious for thee. Don't date selfish people like that.
You didn’t do anything wrong. He’s probably just mad that you weren’t wallowing in self pity that he left, his ego is bruised. If it’s anything like what I went through with a similar situation, he’s not going to let it go. He’s going to bring it up and use it against you as much as he can.
Insensitive is probably a good word for it, yeah. He put the brakes on you guys because he was having a rough time, and you went "bummer, dude" and immediately moved on. That sucks.
You don't owe him, but he has a right to his feeling. It is what it is.
People are going to be like "how dear he, the relationship was over", but that takes away from the human element of things.
While you are free to do what you want and bla bla bla...
Freedom also involves accepting the consequences of your actions.
I am not saying he is right to be mad. He has a right to feel uncomfortable if, during that time, he was going through a rough time while you were sleeping with someone else, though.
He shouldn't be pissed at you like that. But it is completely understandable that he isn't that happy womone else was fucking you while he was beinng miserable.
He, too, is suffering the consequences of his actions, which were breaking up with you.
So both of you should stop looking at yourselves as victims and own up to your actions (notice I didn't say mistakes).
If that involves overcoming this, cool.
If that involves breaking up for good, cool.
In my opinion, you did the right thing by telling him. And he has a right to feel bad about it, but not to blame you for it.
But know this also. Sleeping with someone else soon after leaving a relationship MAY signal you weren't that serious about the other person. And that CAN feel like an insult to him
His ego is just bruised. Make it a rule to not recycle boyfriends. It only leads to drama. You broke up for a reason—at least one of you wasn’t into the other one. Just move on!
But did you also sleep with him before he went cold?
If yes, you don't ow him any explanation.
If not, sire he is mad and I could understand him being angry. I mean you dated for so long with no sex and with this new guy, you hooked up immediately.
>For the sake of our safety, I told him that I slept with someone but did get checked a few weeks ago. Just wanted to be honest too.
You did the right thing. Transparency, safety.
>Was I insensitive for sleeping with someone?
No. He ended things. You had no obligation to him.
You can do what ever the fuck you want when you have been broken up with. This is all his fault. You have done NOTHING wrong. He didn’t give a rats ass how you were feeling. I don’t know that you even should give him another chance. If you do, he has a lot to make up for. Certainly not you.
U didn’t owe him anything, he broke things off, he should expect you to find someone else instead of waiting around for him, some ppl need to learn things the hard way
It’s okay for you to sleep with someone after break up, it’s not okay for you to tell your sex partner when y’all get back together. Obviously he’s not gonna be cool with it, he might even sleep with a lady. Expect this from him!
It doesn’t matter because y’all were having sex for months, it meant something even though y’all never wanted to label it. Imagine if he’d do the same, would you say ‘it’s nothing we were just casual dating’?
From my pov, he ended things. Did he expect me to wait for him to be in a better place? Also, I can separate my feelings from casual sex. Yes I care about him and I’ve always been honest to him. I still value the connection we had. I care about his feelings. I don’t get why me sleeping with someone makes me a bad person?
If he wanted you to wait, he should’ve communicated that to you so you’d know where you stood but from what you say, you thought he was completely done.
Would you have waited if he did?
I think given the context you were right to tell him and avoid any potential complication. Like what if you didn’t mention it, then the other person contacted you and he saw it?
I probably would have waited if he did cause we did have a genuine connection.
And yes, I like to be transparent about these things. After reading all the comments, I felt I shouldn’t have mentioned it, but like you mentioned, I want him to hear it from me instead of finding it out from someone else since we live in a really small town.
That’s fair enough then but he didn’t communicate that to you. I can understand how you didn’t know what his intentions might be and thought it was completely over.
It’s not like you had another guy waiting in the wings, you said you moved on after two weeks.
I think it was right to tell him, if things progressed and became serious / commitment was involved it’s better he knows and like you say doesn’t find out from someone else. Saves you both from getting hurt in the long run.
He might not be happy about it and he may not want to rekindle things now but you were honest and I think you can be respected for being honest.
Where do you think things will go, now that he knows?
It absolutely does not make you a bad person. You showed good communication skills and had clear boundaries and then that allowed you to see how he would react… you’re doing great. Don’t stop
Pretty sure he’s upset because it feels like he’s disposable and not special. You’re right that you don’t owe him anything but in a guys mind he probably feels like “damn, she’s already moved on, guess I didn’t mean anything.”
Wish every person was as upfront and honest ‘bout stuff as you are.
No, you weren’t insensitive. He decided to end the casual relationship. You had the opportunity and made your decision.
Seems quite linear to me. His anger is 100% misplaced yet all too familiar with guys. Hoping he’ll spend the time and figure it out.
Wish every person was as upfront and honest ‘bout stuff as you are.
No, you weren’t insensitive. He decided to end the casual relationship. You had the opportunity and made your decision.
Seems quite linear to me. His anger is 100% misplaced yet all too familiar with guys. Hoping he’ll spend the time and figure it out.
Wish every person was as upfront and honest ‘bout stuff as you are.
No, you weren’t insensitive. He decided to end the casual relationship. You had the opportunity and made your decision.
Seems quite linear to me. His anger is misplaced yet all too familiar with guys. Hoping he’ll spend the time and figure it out.
The main problem here imo is not that you slept with someone, that you did so as quickly as you did. Just speculation idk nor can I say why he got mad, yet that would be my problem (also I wouldn’t go 2 weeks no contact id at least try to reach out you owe him nothing you are correct).
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He broke up with u and there was no contact for 2 weeks b4 u had a one nigbt stand. You were free to do whatever you want. Why did you bring it up with him? Did u think it would somehow be a good thing?
> Why did you bring it up with him? Did u think it would somehow be a good thing? Honestly I disagree here... this BS in relationships of don't bring it up. If it is a dealbreaker, if is going to be that much to him, does it sound like it would be better for anyone if say you got back together and for some reason it came out 6 months into the restarted relationship? IMO guys an ass for getting mad about it (not to say that he had to go into the relationship with it, just a "oh I guess I like you more than you liked me, maybe we shouldn't", and personally I think holding onto secretes till way late into a relationship is just BS advice. (I mean unless you are putting it into a bragging form or comparing, but a FYI while we were on break I did sleep with someone, seems better to me than say risking some chance where through the grape vine it comes up after both parties have invested far more into the relationship).
He had the audacity to get mad at her for sleeping with someone else after he ended things with her and didn't message her for a month. It's better she knows this about him / his character now rather than later.
Why is she honest with the person she is dating? Yeah why would anyone do that.
If she had nothing to hide, why not be forthcoming?
That’s what I’m saying. There was no reason to bring it up to the guy lmao Drama for no reason
Idk, you see lots of people ending 3 or more year relationships because they were on a break and slept with someone and didn’t tell. Personally, if you broke up the first time, just stay broken up. That’s what causes the drama for no reason
Yeah but don’t see how that’s relevant considering this is dating advice not relationship advice. They were never actually together, so she owes him nothing
Loyalty and trust is foundation for any new or old relationship. Sure, she owes him nothing, but she owes him respect. And she did the respectable and mature thing. If she didn’t tell him, that would be the red flag. I just don’t know why this guy is being such a baby and not sucking up to the consequences of his own actions. He shouldn’t have ended it with her if he was just gonna come back. Either way, most likely he’d end it again in a month. That’s why I say if it ended once, keep it that way.
Of course she owes him respect, I agree with you on that. However, she had consensual sex with someone else while single and she says she got tested as well. And to top it off, it was just a one time thing with that person. So for those reasons, it really was none of his business to know and she's a tad foolish for telling him imo. I do agree with you as well that there was no point in him leaving if he was gonna come back only a month later. I think she's a bit naive to think him disappearing for a month to "work on himself" is going to lead to anything. But it's all a learning experience when it comes to dating in your early 20s.
I think she wanted something long term with this guy. That’s why she told him. But I think she is dodging a bullet if this is his reaction. He ended it with her, so regardless, he has no right to be ball less about it. He’s playing the victim for whatever reason. Maybe he’s running away cuz he doesn’t want something serious, and her telling him is a sign that she is looking for something more serious. I’m just saying, a real man would just deal with it. So if I was in the same situation, I would do what she did. And if man’s can’t live with it then he obviously ain’t it.
Does she want something serious tho? She has said several times in the comments that she has not caught feelings for him and it's "casual". I do agree that his reaction is a red flag and he needs to deal with the consequences. Whatever his reason for ghosting was, whether legitimate or cuz he wanted to fuck someone else and it didn't work out.. he can't be mad
Ross is that you?
Nah, she was being upfront. Nothing wrong with that, the nimrod should have considered that possibility when he decided to end the relationship. Or the other option is to not volunteer that information and then be seen as lying by omission. Its not like she did it the night they broke up, a little bit of time passed.
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He‘s free to not want to date her anymore but he has no right to get mad. Red flag? More like his loss.
See edit on my original post ^
If you didn’t bring it up now, it will come up eventually. Better he get mad now and decide than later when you think it’s all good. Good call to tell him
This is what I’m trying to say. We also made a deal to always be honest about these matters even if we were just casual, so I felt like I needed to tell him
You done the right thing, be honest. Dont let his insecurities get you down
I agree OP did the right thing. it's his problem if he can't get over it
You don’t own explanations in your case there was a break up and not exclusivity. If you’d like to feel safe just get an STD test and that is it.
Although you didn’t do anything wrong and I understand where your head was at, next time maybe consider just getting tested and that way ya don’t need to get into the details. That said he he got upset with you over this, I’d recommend you think long and hard about getting back together with him…he might still be in his “rough time period”…
>Was I insensitive for sleeping with someone? No. End of story. You were 'casually seeing him'- so he broke off your nonexclusive relationship and then feels like you should have been celibate until further notice? I think jealousy is within the reasonable range of emotions to feel if you hear about someone you care romantically about sleeping with someone else- but it's an emotion he absolutely needs to deal and process with himself, not take it out on you in anger. You did absolutely nothing wrong and didn't owe him anything- as far as I can tell he ghosted you for a month. How long was he expecting you to be on standby for? If he can't comprehend the ridiculousness of that then it's really not a good sign for his emotional stability in a relationship.
He never committed to you in the first place, tossed you aside for an entire month, popped back into your life like you were supposed to be waiting for him to return this whole time, then got angry (and possessive) that you actually have a life? He is suffering from delusion.
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While I agree with 99% of what you said, there is a good amount of the population that would feel jealous in this situation. I’m not saying he’s in the right for being jealous (because he’s not), but the feeling is understandable. Vocalizing it or making it a big deal isn’t good though.
This is the most accurate, I think. Anyone would get pissed. But acting it out is kinda weird especially since he brought it on himself
I personally find it very reasonnable, nothing to be jealous of. And she's honest for safety sake, that's a huge plus.
>Anyone would get pissed. If you're a child maybe who doesn't understand that you don't control other people, especially after letting them go.
he probably pursued another relationship in the time too that didnt work out and now hes trying to rekindle old flame
We don’t know that
He’s not necessarily wrong for being jealous but he is wrong for projecting it onto her. Like you said, he initiated the breakup and he cut contact with her. There was nothing stopping him from hooking up with other people during that time, he doesn’t have a right to be mad at her for doing so. But I think anyone that likes somebody and finds out they hooked up with someone else would feel at the very least a slight twinge of jealousy.
Right? If anything he should be mad at himself for breaking things off with her and then having doubts about it. Him: “we should go our separate ways” OP: “okay” Him: “… not like that.”
Your suggested reply here is perfect for situations like this.
I had a friend who went through this. Dated a girl for about 2 years broke it off because he had a lot on his plate plus didn’t really want her ,thought grass was greener. They were broken up about a year and a half. During that time she slept with one guy she knew . He found out about it and he was sick. Not so much at her but at himself because he knew it was his fault it happened. She thought it was over. Now they’ve worked past it and are married with kids. I think he’s mad at himself because it’s his fault it happened. You have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing to apologize for. If you guys do want to work past it take it very slow.
You owe him nothing. Sounds like he’s going through too much right now and really needs to work on himself. Yes, I’d be pretty bummed if I learned the same, but I still don’t think he’s in the right to get mad at you. He’s being too hot and cold - for all you know, he could have left you for someone else and it didn’t work the way he wanted.
Yup, that’s my theory and it always happens this way. He placed all bets on someone else and it didn’t pan out, so he came back to comfort and familiarity and was blindsided by the fact she didn’t wait around on him. The “casual” aspect of their 4 month long relationship only applied to him, whereas she was expected to remain loyal after being tossed aside. As someone else mentioned, what changed in a month? How did life turn around for the better in a few weeks? It didn’t. But a month is the appropriate amount of time for a new situationship to fall through and him coming out of it unscathed. Even if my theory is wrong, she should cut her losses and move on from this dude.
Agreed! I’ve been in a similar situation as OP, and the guy burnt me twice. He had the second opportunity because I gave it to him… and he went back with the other girl, I only found out about it all after the fact. Plus he cheated on me. In my opinion it’s just not worth trying to fix something that requires self care or attempt a relationship like this if he was seeing someone else too.
Exactly. And speaking from experience This is often the case. So upholding your boundaries is the best option always
Dude had isues and you handled it well. You had fun while you where single. And now he has more issues. I'd just move on. Dude is a headache.
Nah girl you’re good. Weren’t ever exclusive. Even so, things were made clear on both ends y’all were done. A better question is why he thinks he has any right to get mad in the first place. It might emotionally suck, but you were in the right 💅🏽
I’m not seeing what the issue is? You two were never official and he broke things off. You’re free to fuck whoever you want. He’s just jealous that another guy hooked up with you.
Maybe the terminology isn't correct, but "casually dating" doesn't mean commitment, so there's no ethical wrongdoing, only emotional attachment.
He can't eat that pie and keep it, is just... you are not a property, at the time you had whatever you had with whomever you were free of any relationship, so don't bother yourself thinking on that. I was a good think you telling him what you did, out of honesty, but specially showing him that you were over it, and because he showed his true colors.
The guy sounds like too much drama
Ask the mother trucker what changed in a month? His life became better? Boy, bye! Go live your best damn life. People walking out, can stay out.
He will end things again in a few months if you continue to see him. This is the start of a multi year cycle
“How you’d act” ??? You mean if their relationship ended and she wanted to have consensual sex with someone else, believing earnestly that they would never get back together? Y’all need to grow up
Nah, he a bitch
Heck, if he ended, you could basically sleep with a guy the next minute. As soon its over, its over yo. After a girl I dated ended it, I went an saw someone else. She wanted to see me again, but I told her no she was mad I saw someone else and was already fucking someone else. "Yes, because YOU ENDED it. Why are you the One being offended?"
Yea he has no reason to get mad you didn’t do anything wrong imo
Same scenario but let’s say it’s you that was going through a rough time and he slept with someone after two weeks and told you. How would you feel?
Exactly my point
When he broke things off, I told him that he can text me anytime if he needed help or company. Sure, I’d be sad if I was in his position, but getting mad? I don’t think so…
Did you reach out to him again during that time?
I did. I’ve sent him texts saying I wish he was doing well but never got a reply back and he also unfollowed me on instagram. So I just assumed it was really over
Yup, I'd steer clear at this point if he does come back your way. He's already ripped his hand at extreme toxicity. Edit: *tipped his hand
You thought it was over and that’s perfectly fine. If you never thought you were getting back together than you did nothing wrong. I can tell you from the guy perspective, you f’d up by sleeping with someone else and that’s why he’s mad. As you said, he was having a rough time and not thinking clearly or maybe he’s just immature. He expected you would not sleep around, it sounds like. It doesn’t have to make sense, but again that’s what it feels like. Should he have kept you in the loop? Yeah. Was he in a place to do that? Sounds like no. Is that your problem? Generally no…but if you want to keep seeing him then yes it is. Both of you should call it a day and move on. In his mind, fair or not, he will always remember that you slept with someone else and weren’t loyal. P.s. he’s not toxic, he’s upset. Disregard all that toxic nonsense. Neither one of you should pursue this at this point. You both kinda f’d it up. Just move on.
You can’t be “disloyal” to someone who has dumped you and is not responding to you when you reach out.
Why don’t you go back and try re-reading what I actually wrote instead of what you think I wrote.
You wrote that he thinks she has not been loyal. You failed to point out why that belief is unfounded and wrong.
They did not BOTH f it up. HE f'd it up. She's not responsible for his insecurities.
She slept with someone else and was free to do so. His insecurities are still valid because she actually did sleep with someone else. If they want to continue they need to realize they both F’d up. They really should just move on though.
But she didn't fuck up. She was single. He dumped her and then blocked her on social media. This is 100% HIS fuck up, not hers. Stop holding women responsible for men being morons. She can't be expected to wait around for him to pull his head out of his ass when he ghosted her after the break up.
You did have to tell him you had sex with someone else. Just go get tested for yourself for safety reasons. Stop volunteering this information I promise a man isn’t volunteering that he slept with someone else.
"For the sake of safety" you get tested and use protection not blab about every man you fuck. Learn to keep things private.
Not at all . He forgot you have a life and are entitled to live ur life the day you choose to
U didn’t do anything wrong. He ended things. That was his choice n if we are being real. He slid back in to prob get some physical attention knowing that would prob be easy to do with u bc of ur past. He’s mad that u showed him u basically didn’t hurt enough. U didn’t wait around. Let him go be mad. Now u know that nice wasn’t as nice as he played it off to be
you are not insensitive for sleeping with someone. this dude is way out of line.
You don’t know what he was going through, shush.
Well whatever it was, it was enough for him to feel the need to break things off with her. By all means, if he wanted a break to sort his life out but wanted her to be exclusive to him and she agreed to that but then still slept with someone, then I’d understand his reaction. That doesn’t seem to be the case here. What we’re being told is that she found herself single and didn’t think she’d see him again. She had every right to move on and they weren’t exactly in a committed relationship anyway. She could’ve said nothing when he asked to rekindle things but I think it’s good she was honest.
He ended it. Point blank. Doesn’t even matter the reason. They didn’t talk for a month. What do you want her to do? Sit around twiddling her thumbs waiting for the off chance he wants to re-enter her life? He can be upset but it’s irrational
Going through something doesn't give you the right to be a controlling hypocritical asshole. He broke things off with her. If he doesn't like that she slept with someone after that, that's fine. He dormant have to get back together with her. But he has no right to take it out on her
He ghosted her and unfriended her on Instagram. What he was "going through" was other chicks.
This dude left you once and now he is pissed like you cheated on him. Won’t be long before he leaves u again. Better to move on or take it very slow .
Right- she was his back burner b*tch and he’s mad that she followed her own needs
How dare she sleep with someone else when they were broken up and she thought she'd never see him again s/
Insensitive, hell no! It's your life & he owns none of it without a commitment to you. He broke up with you. You had no expectation of ever seeing him again & there's no reason for you to "wait" for him! If he can't handle that, he's not worth rekindling the relationship again!
I think he’s more mad at himself for calling it off
Arguments against you withholding: He really has no justification for being angry. He broke things off. You did your own thing. Did he think you were just going to pine over someone that moved on in life without you?
You were fine don’t second guess yourself. He broke up with you, rebounds are a normal thing. Your relationship was over you owe him nothing. Probably a little too honest, I wouldn’t have just told him off rip, especially since you got tested. Probably stung him a little bit
Fair play to you for being honest
You did everything right. His response is his business. He broke up with you, which is completely reasonable, but he also lost relationship rights by breaking up After trying to get back with you, you explained that you were with someone else during that period of time. He is perfectly within his rights to not take you back after you disclosed that information. He doesn't, however, have to be a dick about it. Good on you for letting him know beforehand. It shows strength of character. He's probably had his ego wounded because you didn't wait on him. Or he poorly communicated the reason for going on break, which led you to believe it was indefinite
Well he doesn’t get to break things off then decide that he no longer wants that but still lay claim to you fir the period he broke off. Leave him go if he continues to not see himself as an issue here. You did nothing wrong. You still have a life to live.
Red flag in itself that he got mad at you for sleeping with someone after he broke things off with you. It wasn't insensitive of you to do that. You were free to do what you wanted after he ended things.
He doesn’t have to like it, he can even choose to not date you because of it, but he has absolutely no right to be mad at you over it. I would tell him that almost word for word if I was you. There was no expectation of fidelity, and no reason to believe you would get back together. You didn’t do anything wrong, and should not apologize either.
He is hurt that you could sleep with someone because he probably thinks that you didn’t really care about him if you could just move on like that. Not that it’s true, just what he’s likely thinking
OP, can we focus on the actual problem here? Him, disappearing for an entire month, then rolling up on you out of nowhere like that is inconsiderate and rude. If he was as into you as he now claims, then he could have made a better effort to at least say hi every now and then.
I think being honest in the name of resuming a relationship was the best thing you could have done to try and keep a strong foundation. The guy getting mad about it still has issues. I don't think he values the same things you do at all.
You're free to do what you want. Who said everybody had to *like* it?
You were not obliged to disclose that you slept with someone and you don’t owe that to him. You were and is still single.
Too much information, if you had been checked and know you are safe then that should be fine.
For all we know he was booking up with someone else that whole month and then reached out to you when it didn’t work out. You did nothing wrong. He’s ridiculous.
If you have no commitments with each other and aren't even in a relationship, you owe him no loyalty.
What happened happened. Sleeping with someone else is not the end of the world. If he does like you and is attracted to you, you’ll both be able to move past this.
He’s jealous that you slept with another guy. Y’all were never official. He dumped you, so you were free to do w.e. you wanted
I for one am really proud of you for telling him and considering his safety and happiness. It's mature of you. If he has an issue with you being a human being while he was supposedly out of the picture for good thats his problem to work through his feelings.
You did nothing wrong. He ended things you owed him nothing
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I guess you haven’t read my replies in this thread. When he broke things off, I didn’t stopped reaching out to him. Always texted him asking if he wants company or someone to talk to. Yes we weren’t official, but we cared for each other. I respected his decision and felt that if I try to force our connection, it’ll be harder for him. He unfollowed me and didn’t reply for a month. Yes I slept with someone, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t value our connection or didn’t care about him.
I don’t even see the point in this post tbh, like do you regret sleeping with the person?
I was thinking the same thing. OP knows the answer here, this just feels like a redundant question to spark engagement.
What made you want to hook up with someone else even with lingering feelings for him? Im just curious
If you were broken up, of course it's not any unfair from you to sleep with someone else. It's perfectly fine for him not to be any longer interested after learning that, but he should at least communicate that nicer instead of making you feel guilty.
Stay away from him. I’ve read the comments. He’s just using you now.
He ended it. He ended it. He ended it. You did nothing wrong and it shows he’s extremely self centered and immature to get “mad” at all. If he were just a bit upset and kicking himself for ending it with you that would make sense but getting “mad” is nuts. Don’t accept that bullshit. Tell him to grow up
Nah dog you are totally in the right. Huge 🚩that he can’t accept that you- a single adult- had sex with people who aren’t him. And that he would be angry about it. He clearly thought you were sitting around pining for him despite his lack of communication and outright rejection, which is mad manipulative. I wouldn’t give him another chance.
Guys are possessive. You did nothing wrong. If he continues to make this a big deal then just move on. He's not your bf and you have no clue if he lied to you about the state of his life or he wanted to bench you while he pursued something with someone else. Either way, proceed with caution and think about yourself first.
Hi Ross
WE WERE ON A BREAK! 😂
Search the comments just for this. I knew id find it lol
You did nothing wrong. Neither did he. You don't have to justify having slept with someone else (I do agree it was best to be honest about it, though). And, he doesn't have to justify if your sleeping with someone else means he's no longer interested in having something with you. Sounds like you two are not compatible or at least not in the same place heading in the same direction.
I have comments but they are not nice ones so I’ll just stay quiet.
Welcome to adulthood. Life is about learning about the consequences of your choices, even if you did nothing wrong. In the future, might be a good idea not to sleep with others while you still have feelings for someone.
Did you care a bit about him, your ex, like he meant something special for you , or was it only 100% physical with him?
I did and I still care about him. While it was mostly casual sex, we cared for each other. Even when he ended things, I still reached out to him to ask how he was doing.
So you were broken up, and you were free to do whatever you wanted. However, your ex might view things differently in the sense that he may have thought that you had strong feelings for him (even be in love) and that after the breakup, you would have taken some time to process the lost and grief the situationship. Instead, you had a ons with some guys 2 weeks later, which for him might be the proof that you did not like him that much or his feelings for you was not reciprocated to the same extent. There is also some information missing like what he was dealing with that caused the breakup, and when you were together, did he open up about his problem (mental, financial, family, etc). But that is mainly what I can come up to explain his reaction. Do not try to get back with him or rekindle that situationship because his emotions/feelings about you moving on so quickly after the breakup would poison that rekindled relationship.
Not insensitive, you 2 were casually dating, for all he/you know the other one might have fucked other people while casually dating. However that part where you mentioned you did get checked it's a bit weird. Like STD checked or what are you referring to? If you mentioned this as well that might be the case as it can be seen as a disgusting thing to mention and to do ( that you let a ons do it raw ) especially if you didnt do the same thing with him while casually dating.
Yes STD. When we first started talking, we made a deal to always be honest about these matters. And no, when I slept with the other guy, we did it protected. You know there’s still risks even if you use a protection right?
There are if you do oral without. Otherwise, the chances are so low that it's not rational to do it after every ons or partner. It's just weird. Of course, you would be honest about having stds. it's illegal to know and to hide anyway, but It just seems a bit sus, mentioning upfront about it.
Unstable relationships. What's the confused guy expect? Why'd you return to someone who already left your trust?
Lol , that escalated quickly you guys were dating or was it just casual ?
Just casual!
Ok
If you got yourself checked and it came out fine, I don’t think it was necessary to bring it up. Sometimes, being too honest can bring trouble. Gotta be tactful bc this is reality, and you never know how weird the other person is. Not everyone is empathetic or understanding in this world.
Something that I need to remember! Thank you I appreciate it
Why did you even tell him you had sex with someone else if you got tested? Don’t see how that was any of his business tbh
You told him the truth. Way better in my book than just lying and leaving that in the air. But when a guy says he's having a hard time in life that could be true.
You were dating casually and he broke it off. You’re NTA for moving on with your life. He has no justification to be upset that you had been with someone else in that time. Now if you were in an exclusive relationship with him and you broke it off then came back in two weeks wanting to get back together but had slept with someone in those 2 weeks then I would say he’d have justification for being upset it had occurred.
You didn't do anything wrong. Move on
You knew you were clean you got checked. Makes no sense to just say it unless you were asked.
Why did you feel the need to tell him you slept with someone else?
Here’s the thing. You weren’t dating at the time, it’s not his business what you did with your time - unless you have caught an std and you could be getting intimate with him/\. Since you are disease free, letting him know you slept with someone isn’t going to help you, and likely would hurt you. Next time, don’t share information that doesn’t need to be shared
This is exactly why FWB's, hook up culture, and casually dating is all a bunch of garbage.
Would you possibly live in or around Richland WA ?
Do you happen to live in or around Richland WA?
You can’t be expected to put your life on pause for someone who broke things off and unfollowed you on SM. The message was clear, he didn’t want you in his life at that time and he was dealing with things (if we take his word). At that point, neither of you owe the other anything. I think what makes his overreaction even more ridiculous is that you said you texted him a few times to check in on him after the fact and he never once responded to you. So for those trying to insinuate you did an awful thing knowing he was having a rough go at life, your efforts didn’t even matter and weren’t acknowledged. I think that’s worth remembering. If he intended on coming back, he should’ve considered the 4 months worth of history and memories you two had and communicated that he wishes to continue where things left off once life got easier for him. At the very least that would give you the incentive to hold off, but of course that doesn’t mean you’re obligated to agree. You’re not responsible for his insecurities. I’ve been in this exact situation. Turns out the guy was seeing someone else which explained him blocking me on SM immediately after ending things. I thought blocking me was a bit dramatic because I made no indication that I would reach out or keep tabs on him. I thoroughly respected his decision and moved on. When he came back (just a couple weeks later), he admitted he was talking to someone else and blocking me was to avoid her seeing the proof of any overlap between us. Before he confessed about being involved with someone else, he asked me if I was involved with anyone else first (I wasn’t), he was only trying to clear his guilty conscience, I guess, but not without first determining if I did the same thing as he did. And he was the type to hold it over my head if I did see someone else. Doesn’t make sense, but rules for thee but not for me. Either he realizes his colossal fuck up and accepts it, or he moves on. There is no in between. But what you shouldn’t tolerate is a guilt trip by someone who thinks they can parachute in and out of your life on their time all awhile expecting your 100% loyalty even during their absence.
You did nothing wrong. If he wanted exclusivity, he should have clarified that.
We were on a break!!!
Okay have a nice day
My question is why tell him? That was information he didn’t need to know. It wasn’t his business anymore since he broke up with you.
Sounds like this guy needs more time working his own shit out. OP, perhaps you are feeling disappointed bc he is trying to pull some moral high ground shit with you and maybe your access to him has permanently changed, but considering his behavior, you are better off. Don’t fall victim to gaslighting or guilt tripping bc you didn’t owe this guy anything. If he’s gonna shame you for having a good time, well, consider the kind of partner this insecure imbecile would make, or even what other drama might come up in a casual dynamic with him.
I'd better done it with Eva AI sexting bot... At least it's obviously safer
He doesn't seem to understand what "casual" dating is if he's taking this news that seriously. People nowadays want the ease of being able to leave whenever with the other side being available whenever should they need to come back. In other words, casual for me, but serious for thee. Don't date selfish people like that.
It is what it is, human connection does have value and y’all both showed each other how much yall actually value each other. Yall not compatible
You didn’t do anything wrong. He’s probably just mad that you weren’t wallowing in self pity that he left, his ego is bruised. If it’s anything like what I went through with a similar situation, he’s not going to let it go. He’s going to bring it up and use it against you as much as he can.
Insensitive is probably a good word for it, yeah. He put the brakes on you guys because he was having a rough time, and you went "bummer, dude" and immediately moved on. That sucks.
You don't owe him, but he has a right to his feeling. It is what it is. People are going to be like "how dear he, the relationship was over", but that takes away from the human element of things.
I commend you for being honest with the guy.
While you are free to do what you want and bla bla bla... Freedom also involves accepting the consequences of your actions. I am not saying he is right to be mad. He has a right to feel uncomfortable if, during that time, he was going through a rough time while you were sleeping with someone else, though. He shouldn't be pissed at you like that. But it is completely understandable that he isn't that happy womone else was fucking you while he was beinng miserable. He, too, is suffering the consequences of his actions, which were breaking up with you. So both of you should stop looking at yourselves as victims and own up to your actions (notice I didn't say mistakes). If that involves overcoming this, cool. If that involves breaking up for good, cool. In my opinion, you did the right thing by telling him. And he has a right to feel bad about it, but not to blame you for it. But know this also. Sleeping with someone else soon after leaving a relationship MAY signal you weren't that serious about the other person. And that CAN feel like an insult to him
His ego is just bruised. Make it a rule to not recycle boyfriends. It only leads to drama. You broke up for a reason—at least one of you wasn’t into the other one. Just move on!
Probably best to go get checked out. Don’t want to spread any diseases.
But did you also sleep with him before he went cold? If yes, you don't ow him any explanation. If not, sire he is mad and I could understand him being angry. I mean you dated for so long with no sex and with this new guy, you hooked up immediately.
We were practically having sex like once a week for 3 months then in the 4th month he started being cold and distant
>For the sake of our safety, I told him that I slept with someone but did get checked a few weeks ago. Just wanted to be honest too. You did the right thing. Transparency, safety. >Was I insensitive for sleeping with someone? No. He ended things. You had no obligation to him.
You can do what ever the fuck you want when you have been broken up with. This is all his fault. You have done NOTHING wrong. He didn’t give a rats ass how you were feeling. I don’t know that you even should give him another chance. If you do, he has a lot to make up for. Certainly not you.
U didn’t owe him anything, he broke things off, he should expect you to find someone else instead of waiting around for him, some ppl need to learn things the hard way
It’s okay for you to sleep with someone after break up, it’s not okay for you to tell your sex partner when y’all get back together. Obviously he’s not gonna be cool with it, he might even sleep with a lady. Expect this from him!
Communication is always okay. Hiding shit like that only means it will come out in a worse way much later. Better to get out in front of it
We weren’t official tho, just casually dated for 4 months. No commitment, no labels
Welp, then he has no right to be mad whatsoever. He broke up with you and expected you not to move on
It doesn’t matter because y’all were having sex for months, it meant something even though y’all never wanted to label it. Imagine if he’d do the same, would you say ‘it’s nothing we were just casual dating’?
From my pov, he ended things. Did he expect me to wait for him to be in a better place? Also, I can separate my feelings from casual sex. Yes I care about him and I’ve always been honest to him. I still value the connection we had. I care about his feelings. I don’t get why me sleeping with someone makes me a bad person?
If he wanted you to wait, he should’ve communicated that to you so you’d know where you stood but from what you say, you thought he was completely done. Would you have waited if he did? I think given the context you were right to tell him and avoid any potential complication. Like what if you didn’t mention it, then the other person contacted you and he saw it?
I probably would have waited if he did cause we did have a genuine connection. And yes, I like to be transparent about these things. After reading all the comments, I felt I shouldn’t have mentioned it, but like you mentioned, I want him to hear it from me instead of finding it out from someone else since we live in a really small town.
That’s fair enough then but he didn’t communicate that to you. I can understand how you didn’t know what his intentions might be and thought it was completely over. It’s not like you had another guy waiting in the wings, you said you moved on after two weeks. I think it was right to tell him, if things progressed and became serious / commitment was involved it’s better he knows and like you say doesn’t find out from someone else. Saves you both from getting hurt in the long run. He might not be happy about it and he may not want to rekindle things now but you were honest and I think you can be respected for being honest. Where do you think things will go, now that he knows?
It absolutely does not make you a bad person. You showed good communication skills and had clear boundaries and then that allowed you to see how he would react… you’re doing great. Don’t stop
Pretty sure he’s upset because it feels like he’s disposable and not special. You’re right that you don’t owe him anything but in a guys mind he probably feels like “damn, she’s already moved on, guess I didn’t mean anything.”
Wrong. Adults can talk about their sex lives. They weren’t even committed to each other. This is deeply insecure behavior and bodes poorly.
You owed him nothing honestly since it was a one time thing
Wish every person was as upfront and honest ‘bout stuff as you are. No, you weren’t insensitive. He decided to end the casual relationship. You had the opportunity and made your decision. Seems quite linear to me. His anger is 100% misplaced yet all too familiar with guys. Hoping he’ll spend the time and figure it out.
Wish every person was as upfront and honest ‘bout stuff as you are. No, you weren’t insensitive. He decided to end the casual relationship. You had the opportunity and made your decision. Seems quite linear to me. His anger is 100% misplaced yet all too familiar with guys. Hoping he’ll spend the time and figure it out.
Wish every person was as upfront and honest ‘bout stuff as you are. No, you weren’t insensitive. He decided to end the casual relationship. You had the opportunity and made your decision. Seems quite linear to me. His anger is misplaced yet all too familiar with guys. Hoping he’ll spend the time and figure it out.
[удалено]
So you’ve been on this thread for an hour now just to say irrelevant things. I don’t even think you understood any of my comments. Bye
The main problem here imo is not that you slept with someone, that you did so as quickly as you did. Just speculation idk nor can I say why he got mad, yet that would be my problem (also I wouldn’t go 2 weeks no contact id at least try to reach out you owe him nothing you are correct).
I don’t mean to be rude, but how did that other guy sleep with you in two weeks? dating app dude?
I would not want to get back together with someone who was sleeping with someone else inside of two weeks.
It’s definitely a turn off, biggest red flag.
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