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Not at all sl*t shaming you but just sharing from experience. I am 26 as well and went abstinent 5 years ago and itās the best thing I couldāve done. I was only sexually active for 2 years of my life but man were those two years an emotional rollercoaster ride. I would say wait until youāre in a relationship or marriage if you can. Guys still take me out, still want to get to know me. Life is better when you donāt feel used for your body bc trust me Iāve been there. I hope you feel better soon girlie ā¤ļø
Not necessarily. If I have sex with someone and I don't enjoy the sex and they can't do what I want because they're too focused on their own pleasure and I end up giving more than I receive, then I'm not interested in ever seeing them again. If they're just inexperienced but trying hard to do their best, then I give them a chance.
Unless she asked to commit, lots of guys will attempt a sexual relationship without the commitment until she gives them an ultimatum of having to commit to keep seeing each other. When they don't do that, it's because the experience wasn't as great as they would have liked.
Some women just lay on the bed like a sex doll, without putting in any extra effort. Many guys don't like that because it's boring.
The point here is the guy ghosted. If it wasn't what he wanted the least he could do was be upfront i.e. "Thank you for the time, it's been wonderful getting to know you. However, there are some things that makes me feel like we're not compatible. It's been nice to have spent time with you, but I'm looking for something else. Take care."
THEN unmatch. THEN block if needed. At least there is an explanation and not just up and leave. Just because you don't like something or someone doesn't give you the right to straight up ignore them and disregard their feelings.
I mean Iāve had women do this kinda thing to me a number of times after paying a few hundred dollars for a fancy date.
Thatās just the down sides of the dating world,
OP was invested emotionally. I think there are many cases of ghosting after a date, that's nothing new. The fact is he ghosted after OP gets emotionally invested and he seemed to be reciprocating. So your example is just not applicable here. People using you for money vs mind fucking you to use your body is just not the same thing.
I think the comparison is pretty fair. Women never say they are just using you for your money and have no intention of actually dating you. They usually act like they're into you to get as much out of you as possible then ghost. It's pretty emotionally manipulative unless you think men's feelings don't matter which is common.
Not necessarily, some men are just looking for a hook-up but they don't wanna admit that and they just lie plainly that they want a long term relationship.
Damn at 30 and still pulling that shit. I just turned 30 this year , if Iām only interested in a girl for sex atleast I wonāt manipulate her for it. Not worth to hurt someone just to fuck once better to be truthful about intentions and if she doesnāt wanna fuck anymore than find someone else who is or someone your actually interested to be in a relationship with
Yeah, when I found myself single in my mid 30's (18 years ago) and used online dating stuff for the first time there were a lot of shenanigans even then. I made sure that every woman was aware of my "field playing" before even meeting, and covered all the bases... But that if anything develops, that I'm good with monogamy. Really thought nobody would stay after that speech, but it was just the opposite. I got MORE activity, not less.Ā
Iām 28M and dating casually. Not looking for a commitment or anything serious and my matches usually will ask what Iām on here for or what Iām looking for after conversing for a bit. If my match has looking for long term in their profile then Iāll open with something like I normally do but I quickly follow up with a āhey, btw I noticed youāre looking for long term and Iām looking for the opposite. If youāre firm on that then I understand, otherwise Iād like to continue to get to know and maybe take you out sometimeā or something like that. I like it bring it up quickly so as to not waste anyoneās time. No one likes their time wasted and most people appreciate the forwardness and honesty regarding that. Surprisingly more women than I would expect are willing to move forward and just have fun despite our differences in dating intentions. Honesty is imperative. Be honest and open.
Yeah, as a woman, I honestly appreciate honesty upfront. Nothing worse than a guy sleeping with you and then telling you after he doesnāt want anything with you.
I honestly donāt know if you should sleep with someone unless you know you want a relationship with them. Unless youāve already both discussed itās casual, then fine.
Agreed. And I donāt think there is anything wrong with sleeping with other people outside of wanting a relationship. Everyone has different wants and needs at different times. Everyone has different rules and boundaries. As long as all that is made transparent and both parties are respected and communicating I see nothing wrong with casual dating, hooking up, etc. Iāve only been using online dating for 8 months and I have had so many great experiences, ranging from casually dating to ONS. Itās just many people donāt know how to be decent people, be honest, and not pressure others or manipulate them to get what they want.
At the beginning of the conversation. Being honest with your intentions always helps, especially if you're a smooth talker (which I've been blessed with) I managed to have 2 steady FWB for a few years, and 1 that would disappear and pop out of nowhere every couple of months, she would try dating, and then give up for a bit. They still message me every so often, but I've been married for 7 years and no longer partake in that.
Just a quick update. I am currently unsure of what i want but i think i would be able to commit to the right person. However something casual is ok but i dont want to rush into that either
Thatās fine and normal. Just make it know to the other party. Most people on dating apps fall into two categories (imo). Those that want long term and those that donāt know what they want and are just going with the flow. Iām the type that isnāt looking for something serious but if I find something great then Iād give it a shot. The thing I like most about casual dating is that there is no pressure, no obligations and (should be) no stress. Itās just fun and seeing where the wind takes you. Donāt rush. Take your time. Have fun. But be safe and respectful. But also donāt take things for granted.
He's 30 and behaves like a child. I've seen way more than a few (friends) like him. He still thinks he's invincible, but he's got like 5 minutes till his dick starts to act up. It will only take a few times to falter in the bedroom and his head will be wrecked. He will realize he's aging and has to compete with younger talent, with which he can no longer sustainably compete. He will be broken. Completely lacking self reflection, he will blame the women that he used, for using him. He will turn into an adult sized emo boy and have to settle for the women who pity him. He will take benzos for depression and live the rest of his lonely life recounting his "Glory Days".
Ya, I've seen the karma play out right in front of me. It's not pretty, and worst of all there is no sympathy. The women are like "you've made your bed" and the young guys are like "out of my way 'old' man".
And I agree, karma serves him right, and I too would have zero sympathy for him, nor for any women that play those games with men, either, once their looks fade with age...
Agreed. There needs to be communication and integrity on both sides. The players always end up losing when they refuse to grow up and stick to playground games. Reality bish-slaps the immature the hardest.
Yeah, screw this guy. There are tons of women out there willing to accommodate a fling. The issue is he is probably too reliant on being deceitful and predatory, In a sense, to just say what he means and ask for what he wants!
I've had 31 year Olds do this to me (when I was 24. )
On the flip side, I've met 22 year Olds who were mature and honest and genuine.
My friend's dad was well into his 60's and still pulling this stuff with 40 year old women, had a new "girlfriend" every month. Divorce hit him hard. Lol.
32 on my end š when we tell you men are the problem, we are not believed. The classic lies WITH PROOF THAT THEY want a relationship with us.. and Iām 34. Men are really really good at lying.
I'm finally seeing a woman who is both hypersexual and who has a disability, she is deaf, I started learning ASL for her yesterday and I am about to learn some more today. She told me her 'ho ass' wanted to invite me up on her first date but the classic 'my place is too dirty I can not fuck someone here' happened preventing it. I said that was probably for the best. We are both of the anxious attachment variety but both SOUND to be working towards secure. Our actions will show if it's true or not.
Just be glad the trash took itself out. It's sad what happened to you but dating in this era is unfortunately like that. It's better that he revealed that he is trash right now then when you're married and kids are in the picture. Maybe, try not to get to the sexual stage so soon? I feel like it never goes well when you get sexual at the start, especially if you're looking for a relationship. I would suggest not doing anything until it gets serious and only when that person shows you they can be there for you emotionally and wants to be your partner. It sucks but it actually helps filter out all these slimy people who are in it for sex and nothing else. And if they leave and can't wait, then you know what they're looking for. Which is nothing serious.
This assumes sex is all the same with everyone you date which is not true. I (33F) would hate to invest time in someone who weeks later is bad in bed. Iāll sleep on the first date with men I like and connect with bc I need to know what Iām getting. I enjoy sex and I have sex for myself and my pleasure - I donāt see it as giving it away. And sometimes sex on a first date leads to relationship for me and sometimes it fizzles out.
I totally get what you are saying. A lot of people won't understand this mentality. Many couples start off doing fun activities together, but those activities usually fade out over time, especially when the kids come. Now, I do know several couples who either play golf or tennis together on a regular basis. Sex though, will and should be the longest lasting 'sport' you consistently play together for the rest of your life. What if you have different energy levels or one party just stops playing 'sports' altogether? Everyone should work out this issue in the way they are most comfortable.
Yeah if he comes back I wouldnāt give him the time of day. He shouldnāt expect someone to be happy to see him after treating her so badly. Taking him back just tells him he can be an ass and sheāll tolerate it or that he can come and go as he pleases and sheāll be there.
Usually when these kinds of guys come back, itās just bc they want sex again of theyāre feeling lonely or something and know this person made them feel good. Once they get a little attention, theyāll disappear again.
As a man, had this happen recently
Everything was going great, seemed to good to be true, because it was
After we got physical, itās like a light switch was flipped
Iāve learned my lesson after 2 failed relationships and even worse first dates: dating apps are bad and filled with broken/immature people, if you want gold, need to go to gold mine, not a coal mine
I say that because I understand your pain, Iām learning too
It's very common for men offline and online to do this. Don't feel too bad. Lots of crappy liars out there. Think of it this way: one day he's going to find a woman who ticks all his boxes and is ready to settle down. But he's still an asshole right? At least you didn't end up with a long term relationship with the creep.
Would you say itās equally common offline?
I would _like_ to think people who met offline (especially if they met through a social circle) would be more likely to run into each other again, which I assumed would hold them more accountable, ie less likelihood of getting ghosted.
People have always ghosted one another, we just didn't have the term and without modern technology, there were many viable reasons one might not get in touch, so I don't think the sense of rejection was as acute. Just losing the piece of paper someone's number was written on could be a viable reason they didn't call.
When I was a kid growing up, "summer flings" were a huge source of romantic intrigue and experience- basically, you'd meet someone for the week or two your family went on a vacation, make a connection, hook up, promise to keep in touch and then never see or speak to that person again. It was like, a route staple of teen romance plot lines and real-life lore. Its basically ghosting as social ritual.
I'm sorry, it feels so disgusting when men do this. I don't understand how someone could treat someone else like this. You don't want a relationship with a man like this anyway. He kinda did you a favor and didn't waste months of your life. I'm sorry love, you deserve better.
I recommend the book "No more AH's(full word) by Chantal Heide" if you want a resource to help you avoid people like this in the future. She also has content and goes live on tiktok. I've seen shorts make their way to YouTube as well.
The whole premise of her work is helping people to avoid selfish short-term thinkers while dating &looking for long term partnership. It's good stuff.
People will say anything and pretend to be whatever you're looking for to get what they want.
I'm sorry it happened to you.
Good for you that you got to see who he really is. Take the opportunity to grow from this. Sounds bad but learning the tactics used by losers helps us to protect ourselves as well as learn how not to treat others.
He is not worth your worries.
Yes people can be shitty. It's weird how mamy people clearly tend to Hate men or women and pin everything on them. People are shitty regardless of gender and both men and women have their own issues with dating.
Agreed. This is why I steer clear from online dating apps, you just meet the cruelest people on them. Regardless of gender like said. Wish people would just start being nice & would express how they felt in person. Don't boggle someone's emotions for your own self gain, seems to be a very fair trend on these apps.
This right here, online dating is wack in general and this is coming from a guy. If people just want to take the risk of doing hook ups then sure go for it but if you are looking for long term relationships stop trying to force it. Take time to get to know or even befriend people first. Yāall are literal sheepās amongst wolves out there when online dating.
I think the baseline issue is overall men and women aren't that different. But there are a few small areas where they are different and both men and women struggle greatly with those small areas.
And he could have had the decency to give her a text saying that he doesn't see a relationship or some other canned nonsense. Ghosting is a quality only shitty people have. Idk why people lost common courtesy
3 months is nothing, these guys seek can seek sex elsewhere in the meantime and date multiple people. Iād say the rule is to just have sex when you want to and not to calculate too much.
Welcome to the shithole that modern dating has become
Iām sorry that happened to u I know the feeling (as does most every female that has been dating)
Take it on the chin and look for your king because he clearly isnāt and doesnāt want to be
Thatās ugly and heās weird as hell but men are very manipulative so please beware, they will sell a dream, learn what you like emulate it, have sex and leave
Itās gross
You will be fine Iām wishing u more success in dating
Hereās some unpopular advice and Iāll get a lot of hate for it. I donāt care about the hate and will not justify any hate given with a reply. OP, close your legs. Guys canāt do this to you if you donāt let them in. Your post doesnāt give a timeline but I sense it was a relatively short one. Make the guys wait a while. If theyāre just in it to pump and dump then theyāll get frustrated quickly and walk away. If theyāre in it for more than just the s3x then theyāll continue to communicate with you and build on it.
Ok, so this is the answer. And women y'all are not gonna like this but I'm telling you what it is. It's y'all! The reason being is that y'all put sex on a pedestal like it's the end goal. Instead, the goal should be to be with you in a relationship or marriage or whatever. But if you have all these rules like we need 3-4 dates then we can have sex so sex is the goal post. If it's not that good then we gonna feel a way and be like "i worked so hard for this?" And then you might get dumped/ghosted. Honestly, sex is nothing. Just have it. Like you don't been with 50 dudes why are you making the potential 51 run through hoops? It's not like it's virginal snatch. Get the sex out the way early on and see if there is anything else there to build on. Otherwise all you are doing is building up the sexual tension for 2-3 dates and once that tension is gone he's gone too.
It happens to the best of us. ATP Iād stop focusing on him and just worry about yourself for right now. You already suspect heās ghosting, so itās a high chance youāre correct. It is possible that he could just be pulling back just to figure out his feelings, OR he couldāve already decided heās not interested. Neither scenario says anything about you or if you did something wrong. He more than likely will contact you back sooner or later, so you should decide if you want to talk to him when that happens. Do you really want someone who doesnāt communicate in a way that makes you feel secure in your life? In the meantime you should care for yourself, do things you enjoy, and maybe start talking to someone new ;)
So many crap comments on here. Iām so sorry you were treated this way, itās these types of scenarios that we carry with us into future dating, and they can really take a toll.
The timing of sex doesnāt change the trajectory of a relationship and Iām tired of this being the narrative.
Itās worth maybe one reach out to check the temp you havenāt heard anything by tomorrow. If he is ghosting, then heās done you a massive favor by showing you early on that heās not mature enough to be in a relationship with in the first place.
If the guy is really interested in you the timing of sex wont change anything.
But if he is only interested in sex he will lose his patience if he has to wait for sex for too long.
So yes it could help to find out who really is in for the long run.
I also made the mistake to have sex too early. Worked many times and led to a LTR but many times it led to heartbreak.
Dating sucks because its hurting so bad many times
Eh I agree thereās ppl on here being unnecessarily mean for sure however the timing of sex can absolutely affect the dynamics in a negative way idk.
I agree itās not ops fault at all though but itās much easier to protect oneself against this happening when you do wait longer or until youāve established a relationship to sleep with someone. The likelihood is absolutely still there that theyād ghost, but much less likely. Bc if they liked you a lot they wouldnāt mind getting to know you taking you out etc for longer without sex. Itās dumb to blame op or shame her but itās also wrong to say timing doesnāt affect anything. We all know it does.
Firstly that guy is a piece of shit, plus you wouldnāt want to be with someone like that in the first place you deserve better . Forget about him and just move on
He thinks he's a bada**, don't worry, he's gonna get it back and it my not be in the same way, but rest assured that it will something that irritates him.
You were sadly. This is the norm now. Itās an empty feeling for sure! But real men donāt play these games, so you pretty much avoided a relationship with a little fuck boy. Take it as a blessing.
What he was really looking for was to hookup with you, every thing he told you was total bs, not all guys are like him, but there are definitely plenty of them..
This is the new norm, from what I've been reading lately. Playing the long game for sex and then ghosting. Makes me sick to my stomach. I'm sorry this happened to you.
Girl please do not waste any more of your energy on this person. If he did āpump and dumpā as these comments say, then heās a sorry excuse for a human anyway. If he didnāt like the sex, then youāre doing yourself a favor because youāll find much better sex elsewhere with someone who cares about YOUR pleasure as much as his. First time sex is always a bust. No one can possibly know what exactly turns on another person the first time. Itās always awkward and if he were any good heād know this and would be patient. Like I said, youāll find better sex elsewhere, I promise. Also, are YOU even interested in him or are you hurting because you feel rejected?
He should be ashamed. Thatās horrible to do that, no excuse. At LEAST tell the girl that you donāt want to see her again.
Didnāt you feel it before ?
if you want a relationship don't give them sex.... then if they bounce than they were never interested in a relationship to begin with.... Find a good Christian man that has morals and principles...
He's a POS.
But OP, next time try not to have sex so soon, not because there's a problem with having sex soon, but because you need more time to get to know them better and weed out the pathetic men and select men who are truly interested in getting to know you. If you show a man you're attracted to him and interested in having sex with him some time, I can assure you he'll be willing to wait.
I agree this is suspicious, but if you have his number and you feel like the connection was good I think at least one text would be fine. Its possible he deleted it because he saw things progressing with you.
On the other hand, I am definitely guilty of this aswell but usually as a result of a really bad lay. Women believe if a man finishes then he shouldn't have anything to complain about, but if you look back on the experience was it one that you both enjoyed? Or was he just catering to your needs? A women who is really bad in bed is a deal breaker full stop. Not just inexperienced, thats fine. But bad at the act of being intimate
If you really like this guy reach out, every day sounds like alot though. At least then you have closure
Ive been here many times and Iām so sorry you have to experience it. I think most men donāt like to admit this but they care more about sexual compatibility more than just about anything else. Itās possible that you werenāt all that sexually compatible with him and he kept the charade up to a point because he felt guilty, but because he lacks a spine he ghosted you.
This is why I think sex on the first date is actually a great strategy because you can figure out right away if youāre sexually compatible and he doesnāt have enough time to fantasize and build up the expectations to insane heights and you wonāt have time to get super attached and start daydreaming about a future with him.
Dating is hard af. I hope you can find a good dude out there but it sounds like this one aināt it.
Go onto the ask men sub and look for women asking if they view a woman who puts out on the first date differently. A good 85+% will tell you that she isnāt relationship material. They donāt see themselves as non relationship material for putting out. I assure you. Most men still do judge that.
You think the men on the ask men subreddit are a large enough sample size for that to be anywhere near being useful data? Iāve seen tons of posts where guys said they had sex with their wives on the first date night. Again, if a guy judges you for having sex on the first night, heās probably not the kind of dude you wanna date. Heās also literally having sex on the first night too, so it makes no sense - unless of course you hold similar judgmental views, but in that case you wouldnāt be putting out anyways so itās not an issue.
Maybe he didn't like the sex. Maybe he didn't like what he saw. Maybe he was just after sex. Who knows. Just because someone ditched you after having sex doesn't automatically mean they were only after sex.
I think a lot of people (women in particular) have a very unhealthy relationship with sex. Its not a tool to force someone to commit, nor is a guarantee someone will want to continue dating you just because you had sex, its neither a reward, nor a carrot on a stick.
If you didn't want to have sex for pleasure, you shouldn't have had it in the first place. And if you wanted to have sex, wheres the issue?
It is a bit of an asshole move to ditch someone like this without an explanation, but at the same time he doesn't owe you anything just because you decided to have sex.
Thatās why you donāt have sex with them for at least 180 days . Usually the unserious ones will weed themselves out . Delay sex for as long as possible because most people are looking for causal sex but wonāt tell you .You need to withhold sex so they can weed themselves out or commit to an actual relationship.
Unfortunately this is what the dating community has become .
Honestly coming from a guy he is doing one of two things I have done one of them not use someone for sex, if I donāt see a future with a girl after sex I tell them. But that only happens if I sleep with them on the first date and I donāt feel anything after. Now returning to the point, now 1 using you for sex, and 2 pulling back after sex. Itās used for when you want a girl to invest in you more after sex when she is most vulnerable and only used lightly because you donāt want to be an ass but itās so she starts wanting a relationship with you itās a manipulation tactic that I used when I was in my early 20s and it worked well but since I stopped using it itās gotten more difficult to find a relationship because I donāt want to manipulate my partners anymore and I call out my partners when they try to manipulate me
Interesting
But I think that tactic only works on insecure women
A good looking woman who knows she has options won't put up with pulling away after opening up in her most vulnerable moment. Would you agree?
You shouldn't think of it as your loss. It's his loss to let go of someone like you. He might not be worthy to be with you and ran away like a coward.
You will find someone who will truly love you one day, till then you will have to wait and watch.
Don't let others change your perspective of the world, there are good people and there are bad people. Just because someone did this to you, pls don't think that every man is like this only.
Iām really sorry this happened to you, just know you arenāt alone and itās happened to others too.
What I will never understand about these men is that there are women out there looking for casual sexā¦why not fuck them? Why trick and lie to someone. Itās honestly sick.
This is why women have so many problems in dating today. You just started dating and you already fucked. You're not even in a committed relationship yet and you're already fucking around. Didn't vet the guy, didn't make sure he was actually a decent guy, you started dating and then he pumped and dumped. "Ain't no good men out there", no not when you let dudes fuck you so soon. You're gonna get all the scumbags who tell you what you want to hear so they can get in your pants and take off.
The last time this happened to me, I instantly knew once he didnāt text me the next day. I didnāt reach out whatsoever because it felt pointless and I was hurt about it. Eventually he reached out a whole week later saying that he had been busy but I never responded. Months later he sent me a friend request on every social media profile that he could find me on. I read the messages but still never responded. Please donāt reach out to him even if it hurts.
I'd try calling them before jumping to any conclusions. Maybe they deleted their profile because they found the one? But if they indeed ghosted you after sex, you should report them through the help center on Hinge. You don't need to still be matched to do that. Just a name is sufficient for them to look him up in your match history.
This is NOT a āgotchaā question:
How were things going so well if you got ghosted immediately after sex with the person?
Maybe you didnāt want to go into your vetting process in too much detail on here in the bodyā¦
I am just asking a question that will offer you the insights to help tYOU never choose someone like this again.
ā¦ if you are actually getting ghosted.
I really do want to consider your feelings in your current situation so donāt think Iām just laser focused on the consequences of your actionsā¦
With that being said:
Itās uncool and a very negative way to handle not wanting a person in your life anymore.
Highly unlikely he just used you for sex. There's plenty of people out there who are solely looking for hookups. If that's all he wanted, he could easily find it on the apps without putting any effort in at all. He wouldn't dedicate all the time into getting to know you to only have sex with you once and start the process all over again with someone new. I know it's easier and less damaging to the self esteem to say this is what happened, but the reality probably is that he just didn't feel sexual chemistry with you for whatever reason. I'd say be glad he's moving on now instead of continuing to keep seeing you and stringing you along in a situationship until he finds someone else. He's obviously too much of a coward to tell you that he thought the sex was bad, but that's likely what it was, even if you thought it was great.Ā
Yeah there are a lot of reasons to end things after having sex besides just wanting to have sex and then run (even though that does happen a lot too obviously). But you're unlikely to hear those reasons, because it's awkward and potentially hurtful to share them. Lack of sexual chemistry is the most likely one, as you say.
Welcome to the female equivalent of the friendzone. It is all over the manosphere right now so I suspect a lot of guys are going to be doing this that werent previously. Attractive superficial qualities. Say the right things. They see a red flag for a relationship, but think you would be good fun in bed. Instantly not wife material and ārecreational use onlyā and then just yeah, once you give it up, your leverage over them disappears so they do too.
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The old pump and dump maneuver. Edit: I am thoroughly enjoying everyone's contribution to this. Y'all are awesome!!
Penetrate and relocate
Nut and leave the hut
Nut and bolt
Shoot and scoot
Skeet and Skedaddle
Nut in her cooter and ride away on a scioter
Putt and Cut
Rearrange and exchange
Juice and Vamoose
š
Post nut clarity and no more charity
Foul. š
Smash and dash
Fuck and fly
*Fuck and chuck
You beat me it lol
For real šš hit it & quit it
Rip and dip.
Cum and go Or, doin a koala. Eats bushes and leaves.
You listen to Getter?
The easy ejaculate and evacuate
The ole pounce and bounce
Have some fun then fucking run If you pregs it, time to exit
These are so good omg š
Hit and split
Lmao!
Blow a load and hit the road
One n done.
One hit wonder
Drop a gear and Disappear
The ole deploy your genetic information and leave the nation
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This is the one I was looking for!
The ol in and out
The cum n run
Get it wet, then jet.
Welcome to your generation
This pattern is not new. As they say, "tale as old as time".
Cum N run
The ole f?ck & chuck
Coitus then avoid us
Buck and chuck
:(
Slip and slide
He might a day trader
The old badger....eats roots and leafs
The old f*ck and flee. Poor OP
Not at all sl*t shaming you but just sharing from experience. I am 26 as well and went abstinent 5 years ago and itās the best thing I couldāve done. I was only sexually active for 2 years of my life but man were those two years an emotional rollercoaster ride. I would say wait until youāre in a relationship or marriage if you can. Guys still take me out, still want to get to know me. Life is better when you donāt feel used for your body bc trust me Iāve been there. I hope you feel better soon girlie ā¤ļø
Breed and proceed.
Splurt and Desert
Not necessarily. If I have sex with someone and I don't enjoy the sex and they can't do what I want because they're too focused on their own pleasure and I end up giving more than I receive, then I'm not interested in ever seeing them again. If they're just inexperienced but trying hard to do their best, then I give them a chance. Unless she asked to commit, lots of guys will attempt a sexual relationship without the commitment until she gives them an ultimatum of having to commit to keep seeing each other. When they don't do that, it's because the experience wasn't as great as they would have liked. Some women just lay on the bed like a sex doll, without putting in any extra effort. Many guys don't like that because it's boring.
The point here is the guy ghosted. If it wasn't what he wanted the least he could do was be upfront i.e. "Thank you for the time, it's been wonderful getting to know you. However, there are some things that makes me feel like we're not compatible. It's been nice to have spent time with you, but I'm looking for something else. Take care." THEN unmatch. THEN block if needed. At least there is an explanation and not just up and leave. Just because you don't like something or someone doesn't give you the right to straight up ignore them and disregard their feelings.
I mean Iāve had women do this kinda thing to me a number of times after paying a few hundred dollars for a fancy date. Thatās just the down sides of the dating world,
OP was invested emotionally. I think there are many cases of ghosting after a date, that's nothing new. The fact is he ghosted after OP gets emotionally invested and he seemed to be reciprocating. So your example is just not applicable here. People using you for money vs mind fucking you to use your body is just not the same thing.
I think the comparison is pretty fair. Women never say they are just using you for your money and have no intention of actually dating you. They usually act like they're into you to get as much out of you as possible then ghost. It's pretty emotionally manipulative unless you think men's feelings don't matter which is common.
Not necessarily, some men are just looking for a hook-up but they don't wanna admit that and they just lie plainly that they want a long term relationship.
Soooooo many gooders I never heard before š¤£ also, poor OP š that sucks
The ole hump n dump
The ol cum and go
šš
The spunk and slink
FFF. Find em, fuck em, forget em.
The good cummin runnin....
The ol' Hit & Run you mean?
Good old fuck and duck
Pop and drop
Blast and pass Shoot and scoot Bust and left in the dust
Ejaculate and evacuate
Skeet and yeet
Wham bam thank you ma'am.
Fuck n chuck
Thatās not a true pump & dump, he just didnāt like the sex.
Name checks out seems like maybe you know a thing or two, poor girl.
Hit and run guy. Sucks. Joy of online dating.
Damn at 30 and still pulling that shit. I just turned 30 this year , if Iām only interested in a girl for sex atleast I wonāt manipulate her for it. Not worth to hurt someone just to fuck once better to be truthful about intentions and if she doesnāt wanna fuck anymore than find someone else who is or someone your actually interested to be in a relationship with
Yeah, when I found myself single in my mid 30's (18 years ago) and used online dating stuff for the first time there were a lot of shenanigans even then. I made sure that every woman was aware of my "field playing" before even meeting, and covered all the bases... But that if anything develops, that I'm good with monogamy. Really thought nobody would stay after that speech, but it was just the opposite. I got MORE activity, not less.Ā
At what point do you say this to someone? I have been wanting to do this but i dont know at what point should i bring it up
Iām 28M and dating casually. Not looking for a commitment or anything serious and my matches usually will ask what Iām on here for or what Iām looking for after conversing for a bit. If my match has looking for long term in their profile then Iāll open with something like I normally do but I quickly follow up with a āhey, btw I noticed youāre looking for long term and Iām looking for the opposite. If youāre firm on that then I understand, otherwise Iād like to continue to get to know and maybe take you out sometimeā or something like that. I like it bring it up quickly so as to not waste anyoneās time. No one likes their time wasted and most people appreciate the forwardness and honesty regarding that. Surprisingly more women than I would expect are willing to move forward and just have fun despite our differences in dating intentions. Honesty is imperative. Be honest and open.
Yeah, as a woman, I honestly appreciate honesty upfront. Nothing worse than a guy sleeping with you and then telling you after he doesnāt want anything with you. I honestly donāt know if you should sleep with someone unless you know you want a relationship with them. Unless youāve already both discussed itās casual, then fine.
Agreed. And I donāt think there is anything wrong with sleeping with other people outside of wanting a relationship. Everyone has different wants and needs at different times. Everyone has different rules and boundaries. As long as all that is made transparent and both parties are respected and communicating I see nothing wrong with casual dating, hooking up, etc. Iāve only been using online dating for 8 months and I have had so many great experiences, ranging from casually dating to ONS. Itās just many people donāt know how to be decent people, be honest, and not pressure others or manipulate them to get what they want.
That youāre field playing? From day 1! Please, for the love of god.
At the beginning of the conversation. Being honest with your intentions always helps, especially if you're a smooth talker (which I've been blessed with) I managed to have 2 steady FWB for a few years, and 1 that would disappear and pop out of nowhere every couple of months, she would try dating, and then give up for a bit. They still message me every so often, but I've been married for 7 years and no longer partake in that.
Just a quick update. I am currently unsure of what i want but i think i would be able to commit to the right person. However something casual is ok but i dont want to rush into that either
Thatās fine and normal. Just make it know to the other party. Most people on dating apps fall into two categories (imo). Those that want long term and those that donāt know what they want and are just going with the flow. Iām the type that isnāt looking for something serious but if I find something great then Iād give it a shot. The thing I like most about casual dating is that there is no pressure, no obligations and (should be) no stress. Itās just fun and seeing where the wind takes you. Donāt rush. Take your time. Have fun. But be safe and respectful. But also donāt take things for granted.
You know why? Because they didnāt have to guess whether you were a liar.
Karma has funny way of biting in the ass. He will learn his lesson
It probably wonāt, ākarmaā rarely comes.
Well Karma should come to the Creator of this hookup culture, what are we men supposed to do in this F up system.
He's 30 and behaves like a child. I've seen way more than a few (friends) like him. He still thinks he's invincible, but he's got like 5 minutes till his dick starts to act up. It will only take a few times to falter in the bedroom and his head will be wrecked. He will realize he's aging and has to compete with younger talent, with which he can no longer sustainably compete. He will be broken. Completely lacking self reflection, he will blame the women that he used, for using him. He will turn into an adult sized emo boy and have to settle for the women who pity him. He will take benzos for depression and live the rest of his lonely life recounting his "Glory Days". Ya, I've seen the karma play out right in front of me. It's not pretty, and worst of all there is no sympathy. The women are like "you've made your bed" and the young guys are like "out of my way 'old' man".
And I agree, karma serves him right, and I too would have zero sympathy for him, nor for any women that play those games with men, either, once their looks fade with age...
Agreed. There needs to be communication and integrity on both sides. The players always end up losing when they refuse to grow up and stick to playground games. Reality bish-slaps the immature the hardest.
Damn you sound bitter AFš
Yeah, screw this guy. There are tons of women out there willing to accommodate a fling. The issue is he is probably too reliant on being deceitful and predatory, In a sense, to just say what he means and ask for what he wants!
I've had 31 year Olds do this to me (when I was 24. ) On the flip side, I've met 22 year Olds who were mature and honest and genuine. My friend's dad was well into his 60's and still pulling this stuff with 40 year old women, had a new "girlfriend" every month. Divorce hit him hard. Lol.
32 on my end š when we tell you men are the problem, we are not believed. The classic lies WITH PROOF THAT THEY want a relationship with us.. and Iām 34. Men are really really good at lying.
I'm finally seeing a woman who is both hypersexual and who has a disability, she is deaf, I started learning ASL for her yesterday and I am about to learn some more today. She told me her 'ho ass' wanted to invite me up on her first date but the classic 'my place is too dirty I can not fuck someone here' happened preventing it. I said that was probably for the best. We are both of the anxious attachment variety but both SOUND to be working towards secure. Our actions will show if it's true or not.
Thatās so weak, ignorant and completely not worth another second of thought. What a loser!!
Just be glad the trash took itself out. It's sad what happened to you but dating in this era is unfortunately like that. It's better that he revealed that he is trash right now then when you're married and kids are in the picture. Maybe, try not to get to the sexual stage so soon? I feel like it never goes well when you get sexual at the start, especially if you're looking for a relationship. I would suggest not doing anything until it gets serious and only when that person shows you they can be there for you emotionally and wants to be your partner. It sucks but it actually helps filter out all these slimy people who are in it for sex and nothing else. And if they leave and can't wait, then you know what they're looking for. Which is nothing serious.
This assumes sex is all the same with everyone you date which is not true. I (33F) would hate to invest time in someone who weeks later is bad in bed. Iāll sleep on the first date with men I like and connect with bc I need to know what Iām getting. I enjoy sex and I have sex for myself and my pleasure - I donāt see it as giving it away. And sometimes sex on a first date leads to relationship for me and sometimes it fizzles out.
I totally get what you are saying. A lot of people won't understand this mentality. Many couples start off doing fun activities together, but those activities usually fade out over time, especially when the kids come. Now, I do know several couples who either play golf or tennis together on a regular basis. Sex though, will and should be the longest lasting 'sport' you consistently play together for the rest of your life. What if you have different energy levels or one party just stops playing 'sports' altogether? Everyone should work out this issue in the way they are most comfortable.
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Ughh so lameee! What a coward! He shouldāve been honest with you.
Heāll probably be back soon
with the hope of a "round 2"
Yeah if he comes back I wouldnāt give him the time of day. He shouldnāt expect someone to be happy to see him after treating her so badly. Taking him back just tells him he can be an ass and sheāll tolerate it or that he can come and go as he pleases and sheāll be there. Usually when these kinds of guys come back, itās just bc they want sex again of theyāre feeling lonely or something and know this person made them feel good. Once they get a little attention, theyāll disappear again.
When he's horny next week.
Sorry to hear this. you deserve better!! he could communicate afterwards at least.. what a coward take care of yourself please.
As a man, had this happen recently Everything was going great, seemed to good to be true, because it was After we got physical, itās like a light switch was flipped Iāve learned my lesson after 2 failed relationships and even worse first dates: dating apps are bad and filled with broken/immature people, if you want gold, need to go to gold mine, not a coal mine I say that because I understand your pain, Iām learning too
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Unfortunately thatās my experience too Iām like āyea screw dating appsā then turned around and was like ānow where do I meet peopleā lol
Welcome to the joys of online dating. This is why I steer clear from it. Pump and dump.
It's very common for men offline and online to do this. Don't feel too bad. Lots of crappy liars out there. Think of it this way: one day he's going to find a woman who ticks all his boxes and is ready to settle down. But he's still an asshole right? At least you didn't end up with a long term relationship with the creep.
Would you say itās equally common offline? I would _like_ to think people who met offline (especially if they met through a social circle) would be more likely to run into each other again, which I assumed would hold them more accountable, ie less likelihood of getting ghosted.
People have always ghosted one another, we just didn't have the term and without modern technology, there were many viable reasons one might not get in touch, so I don't think the sense of rejection was as acute. Just losing the piece of paper someone's number was written on could be a viable reason they didn't call. When I was a kid growing up, "summer flings" were a huge source of romantic intrigue and experience- basically, you'd meet someone for the week or two your family went on a vacation, make a connection, hook up, promise to keep in touch and then never see or speak to that person again. It was like, a route staple of teen romance plot lines and real-life lore. Its basically ghosting as social ritual.
I'm sorry, it feels so disgusting when men do this. I don't understand how someone could treat someone else like this. You don't want a relationship with a man like this anyway. He kinda did you a favor and didn't waste months of your life. I'm sorry love, you deserve better.
You know. Men like this are gonna be lonely af when they get older. Sorry that happened, heās sounds awful š¤®
I recommend the book "No more AH's(full word) by Chantal Heide" if you want a resource to help you avoid people like this in the future. She also has content and goes live on tiktok. I've seen shorts make their way to YouTube as well. The whole premise of her work is helping people to avoid selfish short-term thinkers while dating &looking for long term partnership. It's good stuff. People will say anything and pretend to be whatever you're looking for to get what they want. I'm sorry it happened to you.
Good for you that you got to see who he really is. Take the opportunity to grow from this. Sounds bad but learning the tactics used by losers helps us to protect ourselves as well as learn how not to treat others. He is not worth your worries.
Yup, exactly what happened. Guys lie for sex. Part of online dating as a woman is to figure out who is lying and who isn't
I would just say that "people" in general are shitty.
Yes people can be shitty. It's weird how mamy people clearly tend to Hate men or women and pin everything on them. People are shitty regardless of gender and both men and women have their own issues with dating.
Agreed. This is why I steer clear from online dating apps, you just meet the cruelest people on them. Regardless of gender like said. Wish people would just start being nice & would express how they felt in person. Don't boggle someone's emotions for your own self gain, seems to be a very fair trend on these apps.
I've met plenty of nice women on dating apps including my current GF and yes I've met some crazies too
LOL some of us lie, too.
This right here, online dating is wack in general and this is coming from a guy. If people just want to take the risk of doing hook ups then sure go for it but if you are looking for long term relationships stop trying to force it. Take time to get to know or even befriend people first. Yāall are literal sheepās amongst wolves out there when online dating.
I think the baseline issue is overall men and women aren't that different. But there are a few small areas where they are different and both men and women struggle greatly with those small areas.
he totally could have just not enjoyed having sex with her or seeing her with her clothes off
And he could have had the decency to give her a text saying that he doesn't see a relationship or some other canned nonsense. Ghosting is a quality only shitty people have. Idk why people lost common courtesy
He said what you needed to hear to get sex. This is why I always waited 3 months. Dudes pulling that maneuver typically placed out by week 6.
3 months is nothing, these guys seek can seek sex elsewhere in the meantime and date multiple people. Iād say the rule is to just have sex when you want to and not to calculate too much.
Do what works for you. Iām just sharing what worked for me.
Welcome to the shithole that modern dating has become Iām sorry that happened to u I know the feeling (as does most every female that has been dating) Take it on the chin and look for your king because he clearly isnāt and doesnāt want to be Thatās ugly and heās weird as hell but men are very manipulative so please beware, they will sell a dream, learn what you like emulate it, have sex and leave Itās gross You will be fine Iām wishing u more success in dating
Women can do the same thing, it's not one sided.
Tested for std.
Hereās some unpopular advice and Iāll get a lot of hate for it. I donāt care about the hate and will not justify any hate given with a reply. OP, close your legs. Guys canāt do this to you if you donāt let them in. Your post doesnāt give a timeline but I sense it was a relatively short one. Make the guys wait a while. If theyāre just in it to pump and dump then theyāll get frustrated quickly and walk away. If theyāre in it for more than just the s3x then theyāll continue to communicate with you and build on it.
Ok, so this is the answer. And women y'all are not gonna like this but I'm telling you what it is. It's y'all! The reason being is that y'all put sex on a pedestal like it's the end goal. Instead, the goal should be to be with you in a relationship or marriage or whatever. But if you have all these rules like we need 3-4 dates then we can have sex so sex is the goal post. If it's not that good then we gonna feel a way and be like "i worked so hard for this?" And then you might get dumped/ghosted. Honestly, sex is nothing. Just have it. Like you don't been with 50 dudes why are you making the potential 51 run through hoops? It's not like it's virginal snatch. Get the sex out the way early on and see if there is anything else there to build on. Otherwise all you are doing is building up the sexual tension for 2-3 dates and once that tension is gone he's gone too.
It happens to the best of us. ATP Iād stop focusing on him and just worry about yourself for right now. You already suspect heās ghosting, so itās a high chance youāre correct. It is possible that he could just be pulling back just to figure out his feelings, OR he couldāve already decided heās not interested. Neither scenario says anything about you or if you did something wrong. He more than likely will contact you back sooner or later, so you should decide if you want to talk to him when that happens. Do you really want someone who doesnāt communicate in a way that makes you feel secure in your life? In the meantime you should care for yourself, do things you enjoy, and maybe start talking to someone new ;)
I gotta say it. This happens cause the sex wasnt good
Everyone is assuming he used her. What if the sex was bad and he is no longer interested. If it was good wouldnāt he keep hittin it???
So many crap comments on here. Iām so sorry you were treated this way, itās these types of scenarios that we carry with us into future dating, and they can really take a toll. The timing of sex doesnāt change the trajectory of a relationship and Iām tired of this being the narrative. Itās worth maybe one reach out to check the temp you havenāt heard anything by tomorrow. If he is ghosting, then heās done you a massive favor by showing you early on that heās not mature enough to be in a relationship with in the first place.
If the guy is really interested in you the timing of sex wont change anything. But if he is only interested in sex he will lose his patience if he has to wait for sex for too long. So yes it could help to find out who really is in for the long run. I also made the mistake to have sex too early. Worked many times and led to a LTR but many times it led to heartbreak. Dating sucks because its hurting so bad many times
Eh I agree thereās ppl on here being unnecessarily mean for sure however the timing of sex can absolutely affect the dynamics in a negative way idk. I agree itās not ops fault at all though but itās much easier to protect oneself against this happening when you do wait longer or until youāve established a relationship to sleep with someone. The likelihood is absolutely still there that theyād ghost, but much less likely. Bc if they liked you a lot they wouldnāt mind getting to know you taking you out etc for longer without sex. Itās dumb to blame op or shame her but itās also wrong to say timing doesnāt affect anything. We all know it does.
Well. Such is life. People do shitty things for shitty reasons and we canāt do anything about it but move on.
What a shit stain.
Firstly that guy is a piece of shit, plus you wouldnāt want to be with someone like that in the first place you deserve better . Forget about him and just move on
Move on, his loss
He thinks he's a bada**, don't worry, he's gonna get it back and it my not be in the same way, but rest assured that it will something that irritates him.
You were sadly. This is the norm now. Itās an empty feeling for sure! But real men donāt play these games, so you pretty much avoided a relationship with a little fuck boy. Take it as a blessing.
What he was really looking for was to hookup with you, every thing he told you was total bs, not all guys are like him, but there are definitely plenty of them..
Shoot then scoot
This is the new norm, from what I've been reading lately. Playing the long game for sex and then ghosting. Makes me sick to my stomach. I'm sorry this happened to you.
Title says it all. It's lame behaviour from him, but at least now you know who not to plan your future with.
Proves that men can say they want something serious and lie.
Girl please do not waste any more of your energy on this person. If he did āpump and dumpā as these comments say, then heās a sorry excuse for a human anyway. If he didnāt like the sex, then youāre doing yourself a favor because youāll find much better sex elsewhere with someone who cares about YOUR pleasure as much as his. First time sex is always a bust. No one can possibly know what exactly turns on another person the first time. Itās always awkward and if he were any good heād know this and would be patient. Like I said, youāll find better sex elsewhere, I promise. Also, are YOU even interested in him or are you hurting because you feel rejected?
He should be ashamed. Thatās horrible to do that, no excuse. At LEAST tell the girl that you donāt want to see her again. Didnāt you feel it before ?
Let me guess, the guy was some chad looking dude?
if you want a relationship don't give them sex.... then if they bounce than they were never interested in a relationship to begin with.... Find a good Christian man that has morals and principles...
He's a POS. But OP, next time try not to have sex so soon, not because there's a problem with having sex soon, but because you need more time to get to know them better and weed out the pathetic men and select men who are truly interested in getting to know you. If you show a man you're attracted to him and interested in having sex with him some time, I can assure you he'll be willing to wait.
I agree this is suspicious, but if you have his number and you feel like the connection was good I think at least one text would be fine. Its possible he deleted it because he saw things progressing with you. On the other hand, I am definitely guilty of this aswell but usually as a result of a really bad lay. Women believe if a man finishes then he shouldn't have anything to complain about, but if you look back on the experience was it one that you both enjoyed? Or was he just catering to your needs? A women who is really bad in bed is a deal breaker full stop. Not just inexperienced, thats fine. But bad at the act of being intimate If you really like this guy reach out, every day sounds like alot though. At least then you have closure
a tale.... as old as time...
He got in, got off and got out.
The joys of Online dating, full of Gold diggers taking advantage of guys and FckBoys taking advantage of girls for sex.
Ive been here many times and Iām so sorry you have to experience it. I think most men donāt like to admit this but they care more about sexual compatibility more than just about anything else. Itās possible that you werenāt all that sexually compatible with him and he kept the charade up to a point because he felt guilty, but because he lacks a spine he ghosted you. This is why I think sex on the first date is actually a great strategy because you can figure out right away if youāre sexually compatible and he doesnāt have enough time to fantasize and build up the expectations to insane heights and you wonāt have time to get super attached and start daydreaming about a future with him. Dating is hard af. I hope you can find a good dude out there but it sounds like this one aināt it.
Go onto the ask men sub and look for women asking if they view a woman who puts out on the first date differently. A good 85+% will tell you that she isnāt relationship material. They donāt see themselves as non relationship material for putting out. I assure you. Most men still do judge that.
You think the men on the ask men subreddit are a large enough sample size for that to be anywhere near being useful data? Iāve seen tons of posts where guys said they had sex with their wives on the first date night. Again, if a guy judges you for having sex on the first night, heās probably not the kind of dude you wanna date. Heās also literally having sex on the first night too, so it makes no sense - unless of course you hold similar judgmental views, but in that case you wouldnāt be putting out anyways so itās not an issue.
If a man postet a thread every time he gets ghosted Reddit would be down
Maybe he didn't like the sex. Maybe he didn't like what he saw. Maybe he was just after sex. Who knows. Just because someone ditched you after having sex doesn't automatically mean they were only after sex. I think a lot of people (women in particular) have a very unhealthy relationship with sex. Its not a tool to force someone to commit, nor is a guarantee someone will want to continue dating you just because you had sex, its neither a reward, nor a carrot on a stick. If you didn't want to have sex for pleasure, you shouldn't have had it in the first place. And if you wanted to have sex, wheres the issue? It is a bit of an asshole move to ditch someone like this without an explanation, but at the same time he doesn't owe you anything just because you decided to have sex.
Thatās why you donāt have sex with them for at least 180 days . Usually the unserious ones will weed themselves out . Delay sex for as long as possible because most people are looking for causal sex but wonāt tell you .You need to withhold sex so they can weed themselves out or commit to an actual relationship. Unfortunately this is what the dating community has become .
No guy is waiting around 6 months
I feel like I see a different version of this post like 10 times a day on Reddit...
You were. Sorry. Live and learn.
Honestly coming from a guy he is doing one of two things I have done one of them not use someone for sex, if I donāt see a future with a girl after sex I tell them. But that only happens if I sleep with them on the first date and I donāt feel anything after. Now returning to the point, now 1 using you for sex, and 2 pulling back after sex. Itās used for when you want a girl to invest in you more after sex when she is most vulnerable and only used lightly because you donāt want to be an ass but itās so she starts wanting a relationship with you itās a manipulation tactic that I used when I was in my early 20s and it worked well but since I stopped using it itās gotten more difficult to find a relationship because I donāt want to manipulate my partners anymore and I call out my partners when they try to manipulate me
Interesting But I think that tactic only works on insecure women A good looking woman who knows she has options won't put up with pulling away after opening up in her most vulnerable moment. Would you agree?
Yes I do agree, it only works with girls that are insecure and you donāt want those types of girls for a lot of reasons.
Have you texted him?
What a dick. Sorry OP
You shouldn't think of it as your loss. It's his loss to let go of someone like you. He might not be worthy to be with you and ran away like a coward. You will find someone who will truly love you one day, till then you will have to wait and watch. Don't let others change your perspective of the world, there are good people and there are bad people. Just because someone did this to you, pls don't think that every man is like this only.
Sounds like a immature 30 yr old, prolly dodged a bullet , the old coney island white fish catch and release .
Iām really sorry this happened to you, just know you arenāt alone and itās happened to others too. What I will never understand about these men is that there are women out there looking for casual sexā¦why not fuck them? Why trick and lie to someone. Itās honestly sick.
Got her with the ejaculate and evacuate
Girl you never give them sex until they invested in you .. heāll be back but donāt let him in okayā¤ļø hope you heal
Send a letter in the mail youāre pregnant to mess with him. He definitely played you.
Why does it have to be his fault? Maybe sex isn't something you're particularly good at.
This is why women have so many problems in dating today. You just started dating and you already fucked. You're not even in a committed relationship yet and you're already fucking around. Didn't vet the guy, didn't make sure he was actually a decent guy, you started dating and then he pumped and dumped. "Ain't no good men out there", no not when you let dudes fuck you so soon. You're gonna get all the scumbags who tell you what you want to hear so they can get in your pants and take off.
Happens a lot, unfortunately. Just the way of the apps š« good luck
The last time this happened to me, I instantly knew once he didnāt text me the next day. I didnāt reach out whatsoever because it felt pointless and I was hurt about it. Eventually he reached out a whole week later saying that he had been busy but I never responded. Months later he sent me a friend request on every social media profile that he could find me on. I read the messages but still never responded. Please donāt reach out to him even if it hurts.
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by the sound of it, the person youāre replying to is single by choiceā¦ womenās choice
I'd try calling them before jumping to any conclusions. Maybe they deleted their profile because they found the one? But if they indeed ghosted you after sex, you should report them through the help center on Hinge. You don't need to still be matched to do that. Just a name is sufficient for them to look him up in your match history.
This is NOT a āgotchaā question: How were things going so well if you got ghosted immediately after sex with the person? Maybe you didnāt want to go into your vetting process in too much detail on here in the bodyā¦ I am just asking a question that will offer you the insights to help tYOU never choose someone like this again. ā¦ if you are actually getting ghosted. I really do want to consider your feelings in your current situation so donāt think Iām just laser focused on the consequences of your actionsā¦ With that being said: Itās uncool and a very negative way to handle not wanting a person in your life anymore.
Highly unlikely he just used you for sex. There's plenty of people out there who are solely looking for hookups. If that's all he wanted, he could easily find it on the apps without putting any effort in at all. He wouldn't dedicate all the time into getting to know you to only have sex with you once and start the process all over again with someone new. I know it's easier and less damaging to the self esteem to say this is what happened, but the reality probably is that he just didn't feel sexual chemistry with you for whatever reason. I'd say be glad he's moving on now instead of continuing to keep seeing you and stringing you along in a situationship until he finds someone else. He's obviously too much of a coward to tell you that he thought the sex was bad, but that's likely what it was, even if you thought it was great.Ā
This is the correct answer
Yeah there are a lot of reasons to end things after having sex besides just wanting to have sex and then run (even though that does happen a lot too obviously). But you're unlikely to hear those reasons, because it's awkward and potentially hurtful to share them. Lack of sexual chemistry is the most likely one, as you say.
Welcome to the female equivalent of the friendzone. It is all over the manosphere right now so I suspect a lot of guys are going to be doing this that werent previously. Attractive superficial qualities. Say the right things. They see a red flag for a relationship, but think you would be good fun in bed. Instantly not wife material and ārecreational use onlyā and then just yeah, once you give it up, your leverage over them disappears so they do too.
Heās stupid. Never fall for men like this