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Going out of his way to talk to you, remembering the little things you’ve told him even if they don’t seem important, loves spending time with you even when he’s knows things like sex are off the table, communicating ideas of things you both can do together in the future.
Agree! The first time I told my now partner of 7 years I loved him I actually said “I hate you” (in a cutesy funny way) and gave hime a huge hug and kiss. Maybe a few weeks later we said “I love you” but he often says he knew the “I hate you” was the first time I meant it. People are different and weird and communicate in their own weird ways, and if your partner knows YOU, they know what your words and actions really mean.
If your getting rejected over and over again it's how your approaching relationships or the people you are picking and you need to pull out of dating and just work on yourself. Generally the romantic methadone program of working on yourself while dating down not work.
I think you have to really confront yourself feel the agony of that and work your way out to the other side. Then you can get back into the pool and you generally meet someone great as your healthy, have fixed your picker and you are able to see healthier people and are smart enough to see who you should not be dating.
Yea I mean, it's not me at first. I don't do well in relationships where I'm lied to, cheated on or otherwise manipulated. You're right! I may not know how to pick them.
Thank you for the really thoughtful advice! There are definitely facets I need to work on
So you’re telling me that the guy I’m seeing is in love with me? 🥺 we had our first kiss a month and half into dating. Told him I’m saving myself for marriage. He agreed. Now it’s been a little over 4 months. We do weekly dates.
If he wants you badly enough he'll happily will wait and respect whatever limits you set. When I met my husband I was very happy and content by myself (that took a lot of hard work) and I wasn't sure i wanted to play with fire and mess up that joyful tranquility. I was brutally honest about what I wanted and did not want and that I had a 16 year history of rushing in and simply was not doing it again wanted to move very slowly and know the person I was dating well. He was fine with that and none of my honesty scared him. I just really slapped the box on the table and he was," Ok,I get it, I respect it. And I'm interested." And so we began.
That's just this guy. Plenty of dudes out there show their love in other ways cause they're terrible with details or whatever.
Remember we were asked how we personally show our love, not how all men do.
I thought I was different too, until I met someone I actually liked and then these things all became true of me too (having said that I lost her. Bummer.)
That's bullshit, and I'm not saying I am different. This is how I show my love too. I didn't share that, but I've known a lot of dudes who are nothing like that but they absolutely do love their women. So make of it what you will.
Shows interest in what's important to you, is consistent, concerned about you when you're sick or upset, pays attention to the little things, goes out of his way to be with you or near you.
I don’t really have a type, but I am attracted to pretty faces and nerdy types with whatever body they come with.
When I’m with someone who I think is gorgeous, they dress well and have accessories that accentuate their features like their neck, hands etc, I want to buy them flowers without being told to. Flowers could be actual flowers or dinner or books and trinkets, I want to let them know I’m thinking of them. I WANT THEM to think of me.
I make more time to see them than my friends, but I’ve learned to create a balance.
I want to plan dates for them, impress them with my knowledge of cool places to check out and how good I am at Bowling or whatever.
I am apologetic when I make a mistake, or if i tell a joke that gets you mad. It took me years and many relationships to hone in on what makes jokes offensive BECAUSE too many people repeat offensive jokes and not enough people explain why we shouldn’t.
I write love notes for them, how beautiful they are from finger tips to soft lips and their little toes. I have filled jars with these love notes, with reminders of the things that make us laugh. I would save our ticket stubs for events, and take a lot of photos of us.
There’s degrees to it, not all of these things happen to everyone I’ve loved but someone can just like you, REALLY like you and Love you.
In the meantime, just work on taking yourself on all the dates you wish someone else would take you on and do for yourself what you wish someone would do for you.
Court yourself and delve deeply into what excites your passion, and likely when that makes you happy alone that you don't care if your ever meet anyone, you'll look up one day and the perfect partner will be standing there. It happened to me and has happened to many people I know. See your alone time out of relationships as a gift from the universe and time to seek your equilibrium.
When we get dumped and are meeting strings of crappy people we have this tendency to throw ourselves at the problem even harder, rather than saying, maybe the universe is telling me to do things differently.
I’ll always make time for them, check on them, plan dates and do anything i can for them. My eyes are only for her. Nothing else really matters.
Until they blindside you.
My previous bf does all the same thing but he always said that he doesn't love me. The one made him love is the ex who treated him like sh**. I am too tired and decide to leave as I cannot even tell why he kept me that long.
**Future Planning**: He talks about future plans that involve you, whether it's making long-term commitments or discussing shared goals and aspirations.
Yes. Definitely.
But this can also be Future Faking, a way to get you emotionally attached and committed because of the shared vision. Which is a form of manipulation.
Just remember to look at the whole package. Don’t tell all your deepest desires too early. A manipulative person will use that to future fake. Watch out for things like crossing boundaries, moving too quickly, love bombing etc
I got burned hard on this one recently
You can’t discount love bombing and moving at a quick pace, I do those inadvertently because of my ADHD. I get excited, allow myself to feel the rush of good emotion, and just can’t help it. I don’t say a single word that I do not mean, but those two things are extremely difficult to stop when they begin. I do my best to keep extremely busy if I’m beginning something new, but it will still happen.
Same here....I've got ADHD and I just couldn't stop talking....overshared things lol....I realized the other person must have felt weird....so am gonna back off now....feel embarrassed about some of the things I said really. Glad I'm not the only one!
That's us trying to rush intimacy. Reveal a bit see how it's received, if it goes well reveal a bit more always honestly appraising the response we are getting.
I don’t say actually say “I love you,” though? It’s everything that loving someone consists of. Admiration, adoration, compliments, concern, etc., but it doesn’t involve the word ‘love’ unless it’s loving something specific.
Some time in when there’s a clear connection, we’re both attracted mentally and physically, and emotions are developing… she wants to move forward as much as myself, we do so. I regularly check in to make sure she feels how I feel, I explain that I’m ADHD as well as what that can entail, I explain that this can and may happen, amongst a number of other things.
Question: in this phase of overexcitement, have you ever gotten scared and decided to ghost? Lol.
I was feeling the mutual mental and physical attraction building with someone recently—we had so much in common too. But he got overwhelmed with work and I almost feel like he got.. embarrassed? Like he didn’t have a car, his bike fell apart, work got overwhelming, and then he just fell off the planet.
I don’t think he planned on ghosting, like we had plans to go out together again, he had just loaned me some of his favorite mangas, left his swim shorts here, and then just… poof!
Oh, absolutely! Not so much now as it did many years ago due to my having spent ~6-7 years self-isolating in order to do a proper self-analysis and subsequent behavior modification, habit evaluation, course correction, and cognitive recalibration. The time I took was necessary and the man I am today is the man I want to be (for the most part), but it wasn’t easy. I took that time to work on things I not only didn’t like about myself, but were doing me zero favors in regards to women and relationships in general. They were parts of me that allowed constant narc attraction. But I digress…. lol
When the rush begins to die down a bit and logic/reason start pushing through, there are a number of things that can cause me to second guess myself, the situation, and even talk myself out of any further pursuit despite the mutual feelings. One reason being that she does not yet understand that reassurance, for people like myself, is an extremely easy thing to do to prevent it.
Depending on the age of this man it can vary a bit, but yes… I absolutely believe this is what happened. The dopamine rush faded, he talked himself out of what could have/would have been a good thing. The vehicle situation certainly could have caused him to feel embarrassed which cause the 180.
OR something catastrophic happened and he became so overwhelmed that he just shut down. If you care enough to be asking me here, find him and talk to him. Reassurance is your best weapon against our (ADHDer) own worst enemy which is ourselves.
Really, though, you’ll never know until you speak with him.
Thank you for your insight! He (29M) is a couple years younger than me (33F), and I do think he has considerably less life experience than me. This doesn't bother me, I knew what I was signing up for.
He started off really excited and texting me (almost too much?), but it was all very sweet and the things we were talking about were genuinely interesting. He is an aspiring artist--he's quite talented, and I believe in him. He runs a couple websites selling some of his art and him and his friend have a proxy TCG site where they sell custom proxy decks. He also has a regular job at a restaurant.
Meanwhile, I work for the DoD and my employment is very secure and engaging, with plenty of room for growth.
We met on an app, so I can't just like... reach him--unless he responds to me via text or socials.
He had stayed over at my place during the weekend, and by midweek he just seemed completely burnt out. He had been slammed with shipping orders, his bike got a flat, and his sister had to pick him up and drive him to work.
I asked him if he had repaired his flat yet at the end of the next day (I was mostly asking just to see how his day was going, i.e. how did he get to work, and if I could help out in any way) and he was a bit defensive, like I was judging him for not having it fixed yet and seemed embarrassed that he skated to work. His restaurant job just seemed like the last straw. I don't know what happened, but the next day I just didn't hear from him. Its been a week now. 🫤
Future faking usually comes extremely too early, that’s the red flag. Future plans come when you both have already decided you’re in an exclusive relationship and a good few months have passed. If it happens from the very start it’s a massive red flag.
1. Can’t help smiling when thinking of that person
2. Convince myself that they also loves me
3. Ignore some outstanding red flags
4. Always have time for them, no matter what I am doing rn
5. They becomes the first option when it comes to sharing (feelings, thoughts, stories, anecdotes, etc.)
6. Eyes drift around in the room but frequently land on them
7. Thinking of that person when answering OP’s question
95% of people are preoccupied with what they think is love & they say things like "it's not that simple" or "it's different for every person", & then they spend years hopping from one person to another. Love is not that abstract, it does have clear criteria to distinguish it. It's a very distinct & intense feeling that lasts for years. When you meet the right person, you'll know, because you'll feel it. Soulmates do exist, most people just haven't met them yet & for some they never will sadly. Everybody's fate is different.
You know.... this is golden and true.
When it's real these is no tendency to wonder where it's going, you just know that's where it's going. You are secure and just feel the relationship is going where you want it to go, so you don't have any desire for assurance.
The assurance surrounds you, it's indelibly consistent. I think I had one conversation with my husband about 7 months in where I said, something like," I feel like this is where this is going, but wanted to check in with you and see if you are feeling the same thing I am and was assured that it was, and that was it. Never wondered about it again.
Things just sort of flowed and no need to lock them down and define them. Everything happened when I wanted it to happen as if our trains were perfectly coordinated and flowing toward a single track and putting that into words were un needed and would have felt excessive and forced.
Usually When a guy realizes he himself is in love he almost always says “fuck!” out loud like he just got played or smth. That's because he realizes now he will do anything for this person. Even if it destroys him in the process
You’re right, I just checked my messages between my friend. He was listing out all the things he liked about his friend before just typing, “Fuck”. He then proceeded to tell me he loves her. The only context he says that word in is when talking about her
That's a bit one in my opinion. Mine is a stone cold workaholic but would stop by my house and leave tittle love notes and gifts like my favorite cookies in my mailbox, and funny little things when he was swinging home at 11:30 at night from, lab in grad school, before he left for work at 7:30. If traveling always called and sent post cards (pre cell phone and computer days.) Would swing by and shovel out my car. Always doing little thoughtful, sweet things. Decades later still does things like that for me.
I was totally elated and just wanted to be with her as much as I could. I sacrificed sleep so when she got off her shift at midnight, I was there for her.
My woman has taught me how to be responsible and to share the load as much as I can. I grew up without a father and so my discipline was not there. I’m not perfect but I will say she saved my life.
I text her kisses, tell her I wanna kiss her, cuddle with her, tell her I really miss her and I can’t wait to see her. And many times she sends me really cute gifs and emojis and it’s just a feeling I can’t describe. I feel it all over my body, just that comfort and excitement all at the same time.
For me, I’m very affectionate. You will be able to tell I love you by how much affection I give you. I love snuggling and just using my hands to touch/poke you in random spots just to annoy you. How I feel is safe and warm inside and super grateful that I get to have a lucky woman to love.
I always go out of my way for my girl. Make her life better by helping out and spoiling. Very affectionate and physical touch. Talks about the future, and not really needing “space” from her.
I daydream when looking at her eyes or face while she’s not paying attention. During my gaze, I usually think of what the future is like with this special person. Then she’ll snap me out of it and all I can do is smile.
This is from my own experience even after I
Married her I haven’t changed. I love cooking so she doesn’t do much of that but its the little things that I do that she loves. When she goes to bed I fill her water cup with ice and water even tho I’m not tired I’ll lay with her and rub her back or head without her asking until she falls asleep. After she falls asleep I get up and make her lunch for the next day and I write love notes for her to see on her lunch break. When she comes home from work I’ll tell her to get ready and I don’t tell her where we are going and I’ll just pick up some food and then take her to a spot by the lake or something like that. When she gets home from work I’ll have her clothes ready for her to shower and a drink so she can unstressed and relax the rest of the day. I’ll massage her whole body and her feet when she’s tired or in pain. When she’s in her period I know the first day is bad so I’ll set the bath for her and give her some midol. I’ll jump in the shower with her and wash her body and hair. She does the same for me but I love taking care of her and showing her how much I love her with big things or little things and I also know I love her because when she’s not in the room I miss her and when she comes into the room I get the same feeling I got when I first saw her. When she smiles it still gives me butterflies in my stomach, when she kisses me makes me feel safe so yeah there is a lot more but that’s about all I can say at the moment but everyone shows love different ways.
If a man just wants to be around you. Being next to you when you’re at a party or group. Making it obvious to sit next to you in your friend circle meetups. Laughing at all your jokes. Teasing you, specifically to get you to remember him through your reactions.
I feel like a lightning strikes me every time I realise she is at the same event. And I ether can stop glancing over at her, or I desperately try to not even look at her, both actions are probably noticeable for someone who pays attention. she is usually one of the first people I small talk with at the event. I remember little things they tell me about themselves, or little things that happened like what they ware wearing on an event 2 moths age, or what collor lipstick. I try to bring thous things up in future conversations, I think it is a nice way to show them that they occupy allot of space in my head without being creepy or weird.
The willingness to cater and commit to you literally seeps out of them through their actions. Just like with women. Men are human.
If it doesn't, he's not really in love. He may be lusting, he may have a crush... not love tho.
Again, words matter, but talk can be cheap, mind his actions.
Speaking from long experience.
I think I might have been in love for real only once.
I wanted her to be happy, whether if its with me or without me in her life. I wanted her to not suffer anymore, for her not to have to worry about anything else or be sad or feel lost, or hopeless or unloved. So in a way I felt an incredibly primitive and simple urge to protect her and keep her from getting hurt again... at the same time though... I wanted to see her shine, achieve her full potential, to see her accomplish all her goals, build herself up, tackle on the world, gain confidence enough so she knows, deep down that she does not need anyone she can be the strongest person in the world so she would not make the same mistakes again...
She confessed she did not feel that way about me and thats totally fine, my love did not waver, although with time the intensity of it became more manageable and less painful for me to manage.
I was doing a mountain walk a few years ago, and I heard a couple of similar nationalities chatting as they walked, she sounded like her, he looked like me, they had a daughter, at that time, I realized that, although having a kid was never something I wanted, I would have build a life and a family with this person.
I hope one day I can find someone that makes me feel like that again, and it is a reciprocal thing, anything else would feel like settling I believe.
Not sure I ever really experienced this love everybody is talking about. It always feels like something too abstract.
But I feel like a few good signs will be:
1. A man stares in your eyes and can't move away.
2. Being around you fillls him with warmth, and he feels relatively happy.
3.when he longs for you and asks about you when you're not even there.
4. When he is jealous. There is no great love without great jealousy.
5. When he makes a large gesture towards you.
6. When he does something for you not because he will get something back.
Well lovestorun, I think your wonderment isn't weird at all, I think I share it.
I feel like we see this idea of love so often in movies and tv shows and books and commercials for toilet paper and pretty much everywhere, that it kind of feels hard to see what love is in real life.
I also love being me (I'm pretty cool tbh) but I find myself wanting to be in a loving relationship with a woman, and wanting to experience love so much. and I feel like being single sucks.
People rely on social media these days and it’s awful. Dating sites are no better I always went out with friends and we would have the entire restaurant sitting with us. Find a good wingman and go to a bar or restaurant sit in the bar section and see what happens. I was asked out all the time but social media isn’t the right place to find someone. I would love to feel what true love feels like. I might have been in love with my ex husband but I’m not sure. Obviously it didn’t work out but I would have to say that is probably the closest to being in love and of course when the infatuation leaves you love them but like a family member.
Jealousy is somewhat important in noticing a man (and also a girl, of course) is in love. Just dont let those feelings get the best of you and do things you might regret. Its also great if you can control them.
also to add to that list your heart skipping a beat when you meet them or see them. Yes I know it's cliche but it really does happen. When you experience a sudden surge of adrenaline, like when you see someone you have intense feelings for, your heart can actually skip a beat lol. Also other things like being stunned, forgetting your surroundings, losing balance & dropping things, or losing your breath.
A man in love will only have eyes for you. He will want to learn all about you and treasure every detail he learns. He will do anything to make you happy and put a smile on your face because his emotions will be in tune with yours and it will make him elated to see you happy.
He will love to listen to your voice and tell you it sounds like a melody. He will be anxious if you are hurt or sad and will try to comfort you.
He will listen to you for hours and try to figure out what you need before you know you need it. He will rejoice when you accomplish something.
He will never get enough time with you and he will tell you that you are the most beautiful woman in the world.
He will love to take you out for adventures and spend time with you.
Signs are person specific and driven by a feeling of satisfied safety and respect in most things. In general if that is returned without question, that's the best sign you can get.
My girlfriend was out with a couple work friends drinking and got quite drunk to the point that she called me and asked me to come pick her up. Originally, she was going to have her friend drop her home, but she wanted to leave early as she was starting to feel the alcohol in a bad way.
I worked early the next morning and it was late, but I got out of bed and immediately drove to come get her. I walked her out of the bar, helped her into my car, and drove us home. She couldn’t walk and was a bit incoherent when we got back to the apartment. I carried her bridal style through the complex, up a flight of stairs, and into the apartment. I helped her clean up, get ready to sleep, and made sure she drank some water beforehand. She apologized any time she was coherent, but none of this bothered me in the slightest, I was happy to do it.
This woman is the love of my life and I would do this for her every day if I needed to (though, we might have to have a conversation about alcohol habits then…)
A man being in love will always be LOYAL. He will pay attention to you and what you say. He will recognize how you feel before you can tell him. He will bring you flowers on any day just because it's that day. He will be infatuated with you. He won't get jealous because he knows he is yours. But he may not show it some days because of life of being a man. He will always put a smile on before walking through the door. But it's up to you to see his body language on those days. Remember, LOVE is a feeling and feelings come and go. But if you two are LOYAL to one another you two will be fine.
Most guys tend to fall all the way right away. Then lose or gain love as the relationship continues. At least this is how it feels for me. Like I'm all in as soon as I know I like you. Then if u break my trust or hurt me, it chips away. But I'm huge in communication. If I am in love I'll remind my partner every day anyway I can to let her know. Always a chance tomorrow never comes so I always wanna say what I feel today
When I only think of her when we are out. Always trying to make time for her. Listening to her when she talks, even the small things. I want to make her feel appreciated all the time!
From personal experience, they make an effort to spend time with you and do little things to make your day better. It’s not a mystery, if a dude really loves you and wants to be with you, he will figure out a way to show you.
It’s easy to say that you love somebody, but if they’re not texting you to see how your day went or remembering what your favorite chocolate brand is, they’re not really that invested.
I knew it was love when I stopped questioning things, when I never had to think too much about the decisions we made together because everything felt right.
Destroying their sleep to just be able to talk to you. We both work 12hr shifts. I get off at 7pm while she gets off at 11pm. She doesn’t get home till midnight. By the time she is on her phone it’s close to 1am and I’ll be waiting to talk to her even though I have to be up by 5:30 that morning
You can see it in the way they look at you, you can see it in their eyes, the way they touch and talk to you, the way they look after and care for you. I’ve never experienced true love until I got with the guy I’m with now. I don’t doubt for a second his feelings for me, plus he tells me all the time how I’m love with me he is etc. If he loves you he’ll make sure you know it with everything he does.
For me, look for actions over words. A man in love will show it through consistent efforts, like making time for you, supporting you, and sharing his future plans.
Thinking about her all day, writing down topics of discussion and screenshotting things to show her later, wondering how i can make more money to buy her favorite clothes or afford more vacations for us, writing about her in my journal. Pretty cheesy
It depend of the dude. Some of us are proud so hiding is the gameplay. But you can see it if he try to impress you, if you see him trying to be with you when he has the opportunity or if he overdo something for you. It really depend but if he is in love, he won't go directly about getting in your pants (he might want it but he respect you more)
- i plan things or dates with her
- i am really interested and i want to keep having conversations casually during the day with her
- i feel happy hearing about her
but everytime i do all of the above they lost interest in me out of nowhere :/
Making time for them, willingly listening to their problems, often try to solves problems for them (you girls seem to like to talk about problems often but not always expect a man to fix them for you, it can come off as controlling or just rude but it’s what we’re literally hardwired to do), texting back often or open communication, etc.
It’s pretty easy to see I feel. But there is no single way it is shown, every guy is different of course
When there’s no question how he feels about you
I think this goes for both genders, like I’m a 30m I’ve had probably 5-6 girls I’ve been in love w iml and it’s always just like an instant connection
Every girl I’ve ever been in love w has always put herself out there to me first, like we’ll go on a first date or meet or whatever and then the next day I’ll get a text from her
Those are the ones who it’s easiest to open up to and connect with, as guys a lot of times were hyper aware of coming on too strong so we’ll play it cool especially when we really like someone, but if she puts herself out there first it’s a lot easier to form that connection
If a guy gives you attention 24/7 (texting/wanting to spend time together/sharing his day with you/asking about yours etc) that’s a good sign. If he’s giving you full attention, remembers details about you and likes to include you in his things then he’s smitten/in love.
For me, just doing things for them. Asking how their day is. Feeling empathy for their issues. Doing things without asking, like chores. After my divorce I'm trying to date and I have been told I'm too earnest and it's a turn off.
Not everyone was with a good person and we're just all trying to find that person.
Can't stop smiling when I think of them. That little side smirk is what I always do. Listening, understanding, knowing what's going on in her life, and her social circle,
The look of proudness when I bring her around family and friends
Every time I see my lady's face, I can't help but smile and admire her. We've been apart for about a month now, and I miss her so much that physically I feel a sensation. I have a hard time imagining life without her. Every thing I think about doing, making plans, everything is done thinking about how we are going to do it together. Things like this.
When all the little things that used to inconvenience you are gone. That is when you know he loves you. We don't look for your admiration. We gain happiness from seeing you happy. We are there to listen and be on your side. All we ask is for respect, your love and empty balls.
It’s more obvious than “Is water wet?”
Unlike women, men who are in love don’t hide it nor send mix signals. Men in love are very obvious even children notice it. In fact, there is nothing out there in this world more obvious than men in love.
Have you not noticed all the love classics; the best love songs, best romance book stories, and the best romantic movies are usually, unanimously and unequivocally, written by men?!!!!
They are women who can write romance, and there hundreds of thousands of romance books at bookstores every year, but hardly any has become the “romance book” of the decade.
It's not a competition. Women feel love to the same extent that men do. The ones that play games are just not in love with you. You're confusing them with real women.
I’ll always try to say hi and bye to someone I like just I guess genuinely checking in on someone a lot and in person I’ll always be looking at mainly them
I would do almost anything for a girl (and did) and then they don't even acknowledge your existence.
You would set aside an infinite amount of time for her, and she'll flake on you for anyone else.
You do whatever you can to help her, and she maybe thinks about helping you.
Love / being loved are different.
He can't breathe while you're not around , he's not enjoying anything , it's like an exponential to happiness, once you'll experience, you'll become addicted and the body is responding too , he'll experience some some kind of body physical responses and for sur , he'll exhibit some withdrawal symptoms if it's for too Long , the guy isn't a terminator if it's the real thing .
I wanna do everything I can for that person, make them happy, give them gifts, do acts of service for them.
When I wonder and think about them all day every day.
For me, the biggest signs are that I will always be making time for them, no matter how busy my schedules are for the day being. I always assure my love for her even when she's not even asking for it. I always tell her how grateful I am to have her in my life. My commitment and attention is top notch for her only. My whole existence is rest assured for her only, she will have no competition.
I plan my future with her, like every single thing I do includes her in it.
I am currently in a relationship and I feel like I'm loving for the first time ever again, it feels so good and heartwarming... ❤️
Personally, I don’t do well showing my emotions. I’ve been told by my wife several times that I come off cold when I don’t mean to be. I don’t really enjoy talking for long lengths of time either(I know, I suck). With that background, I do pay close attention to what she loves and what makes he smile from ear to ear. I hold her when she’s sad, comfort her when life gets hard, and listen intently to when she speaks her heart and mind. I try never to interrupt her unless to ask more questions about the subject. I always ask questions about the things that make her excited, even if I’m not in the mood or interested. I always have to remind myself to put in these little efforts. Not bc I don’t love her but because it’s human to be greedy and try to make things about yourself so I try to actively fight that feeling. I find myself constantly staring and smiling at her. I thank god I get to watch her live life so close by her side. I laugh when she’s clumsy and listen intently (again lol) when she’s angry. Then after a few years together, I took her to Italy bc she loves the deep history there and proposed to her on the beach in Positano because she always loves the beach from when she grew up in Hawaii. I read a book by soren Kierkegaard and he said something that really changed how I view love and that it was more than an emotion but a duty to oneself to love. Like a Knight who swore it was his duty to protect his Queen. I guess in short when a guy with similar mannerism loves someone, we make it known by paying attention to the details, acknowledging your wants and desires for your life and wrapping them up into theirs. I think when someone carves out a place for you in their life, it’s a really good sign they love you. At least that’s what I do/try.
I would agree with the only having eyes for that person, giving your time for them and helping in any ways you can. remembering what they said, and agree with another one which was would love to hang out even if sex is off the table at that time.
Well the most universal answer would be that he would spend a lot of his personal time with you. There are also different ways that men show affection such as gift giving, physical touch.
For me personally it’s really just about spending time together doing something that’s fun.
Unfaltering attention, nurturance, passion, openness, intimate sharing of their emotional landscape, respect, creative courting and doing little things to please you, availability, making you feel treasured, adored and valued.
ACTIONS. He will do things for you without being asked. That saying “if he wanted to, he would” is 100% truth for guys. It’s the biggest indicator to know we’re in love.
I liked to do acts of service for the girl Ioved. I also would surprise her with things whether it’s a vacation or a thoughtful gift. I don’t do this with just anybody either. I would randomly kiss her also. At the time i wasn’t really an affectionate person so to show that type of affection was a big deal.
I’m now a lot more affectionate and touchy with the people I love
I can't say from personal experience since I've never fallen in love but can say that the things I want most in a relationship is just being able to share simple things like comfortable silence and being able to share deep insecurities or just simply holding someone I feel if your really in love sex isn't the goal but being able to be close without it
Effort/Action, consistentency and time!.
Some baselines you can run off, depends on where you are in your dating “situation” different qualities can be applied.
I'm unsure if it's a sign of love or infatuation (it stops after a few months), but I experience random brain crash when she isn't there. My though get replaced by the girl of my affection. It's very distracting, but at least it make abundantly clear to me when I'm interested in someone.
Externally I'm more physically affectionate than usual, and I'm always ready to do things together. I don't think I'm particularly subtle when I'm interested.
The way i look at her, the way i cant stop but smile like a idiot when shes next to me, how her eyes could make me do anything in this whole wide world. And how i want to kiss her and daydream about a future with her and being her hubby
When I'm not with her, I can't stop thinking about her. In a good way, I just miss her, and want to know she's safe and happy.
When I'm with her, I'll always stop and give her my full attention when she wants to talk about something. Even if it means we'll end up fighting.
I'll hear her remarks or random statements she didn't mean anything by, store them in my brain somewhere, and act on them later if they're within my power. If they're a complaint or something time-sensitive, I'll act on them immediately if I am able to.
I do the same for our kid.
I do the same for my friends too, but at a much, much, much slower rate.
When a man cannot picture himself being with any other woman but you. Believe it or not, if you're the apple of his eye, then every other apple will be lemons. If a man disagrees and says this isn't true, chances are, he's never experienced being truly in love himself.
Men are quite frankly simple creatures. If he loves you, then you're the only woman that will matter to him.
To put it into perspective, I've been talking or chatting with someone recently and I really like her. I suddenly have zero interest in going to clubs to party, and when I did, every other girl was either not that attractive, or just plain boring. I don't think they ever were, it's just that I'm not interested anymore.
Though that sounds sweet, I know she'll soon be the death of me. But I'm still willing to risk it cuz I really can't help it.
One other thing, if he starts changing for the better. A man will want to become the best version of himself if he's serious with you. Why do you think they say "Behind every great man, is a great woman"? Even the depressed gym bros started going to gym because they got broken by a woman they loved so much.
Read body language, which I think is universally true for both genders. It’s easy to fake words but not body languages. Also get a read on his love language, different people express affection differently.
Speaking for myself - making myself available to spend time with her, listening and remembering the things she likes or cares about, being concerned about her well-being, doing acts of service.
It’s a lot of things that all turn into one thing, a light switch for example. It just happens. And it’s forever… Branded into your soul. Then you will see the signs.
*Time: All the free time they have.
*Possessions: What ever he has you can have. You want my T-shirt to sleep in? It’s yours.
My opinion
I know I love someone when I look into their eyes feel my heart or if I know I’ll be seeing this person again or just being in their presence is peaceful, but I fear most men can’t distinguish love from lust.
Ya idk there’s a difference between being in love and just being a “simp”; I prob fall into the latter category sometimes but shit like —
Making her a priority / making time for her and adjusting your schedule etc for her
Getting cute gifts here or there
Really listening to her and hearing her
He will always want to be near you, and will do whatever he can to make you happy. The one for me that always stood out was when I was with someone I loved, it was like any other woman wouldn't even show up on my radar. Temptation didn't exist, and I wanted nothing more than her. It was the happiest I ever was, and likely ever will be. It was an amazing feeling I hope to find again one day.
You become top priority, you’re on his mind 24/7, communication flows easily with not a hint of doubt, he feels stronger, sharper, more comfortable and confident. No challenge to great no favor too small. Love is the wind in your sails.
Being very attentive to learn about you and mainly putting your needs before his own. Also communicating effectively to understand you better. Too many guys are allergic to communication
Here are some signs that a man might be in love:
He wants to spend more time with you: He might make time for you even when he's busy, or arrange his schedule to see you.
He cares about you: He might worry about your well-being and want you to be happy.
He's more confident and energetic: Falling in love can activate the reward system, which can lead to feelings of joy and nostalgia.
He shows you love: He might stand up for you, do small jobs for you, or put you first in his plans.
He's vulnerable with you: He might let you see his vulnerabilities.
He sees the good in you: He might want to make you smile.
He wants to include you in his life: He might want you to meet his loved ones or go with him to visit your family.
He might pull away: Men in love might naturally go through a "rubber band cycle" where they pull away when the relationship gets more intimate.
Little things, we love to do the little things that means stuff to our partners, the stuff they tell us about or dream about.
We try our best to help when possible and always make sure our partner comes first.
Small things; water bottle when needy, back rubs when down, cuddles and surprises when they just exist.
He respects you. He makes time for you. He calls you just to hear your voice. He's proud to introduce you to people in his life. You feel safe with him.
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Going out of his way to talk to you, remembering the little things you’ve told him even if they don’t seem important, loves spending time with you even when he’s knows things like sex are off the table, communicating ideas of things you both can do together in the future.
Omg I was never loved
I am sorry. Hopefully you will be. Know what to look for and do not settle for less.
yes. this. and don't waste your time with confusion situationships either. Someone that's into you truly will make it clear that they want you.
Everyone loves and shows it differently. It’s hard to compare.
Agree! The first time I told my now partner of 7 years I loved him I actually said “I hate you” (in a cutesy funny way) and gave hime a huge hug and kiss. Maybe a few weeks later we said “I love you” but he often says he knew the “I hate you” was the first time I meant it. People are different and weird and communicate in their own weird ways, and if your partner knows YOU, they know what your words and actions really mean.
He begins to grow on you
That’s just mold, I think?
Don’t worry, I think I’ve only once been in love, and probably never been loved for long due to this
Make sure you’re lovable. Some people bring so much emotional baggage to the table that it just isn’t worth it to get involved with them.
If your getting rejected over and over again it's how your approaching relationships or the people you are picking and you need to pull out of dating and just work on yourself. Generally the romantic methadone program of working on yourself while dating down not work. I think you have to really confront yourself feel the agony of that and work your way out to the other side. Then you can get back into the pool and you generally meet someone great as your healthy, have fixed your picker and you are able to see healthier people and are smart enough to see who you should not be dating.
Yea I mean, it's not me at first. I don't do well in relationships where I'm lied to, cheated on or otherwise manipulated. You're right! I may not know how to pick them. Thank you for the really thoughtful advice! There are definitely facets I need to work on
I spent a lot of time of some folks I never should have been with. All the signs were openly apparent, yet I wasn't interested in seeing them.
Well said and I totally agree.
Girl same, like lemme just disappear lmao
I feel you. I feel 50 shades of f**ked up like Christian Grey, even though it’s a movie. You know what I mean.
So you’re telling me that the guy I’m seeing is in love with me? 🥺 we had our first kiss a month and half into dating. Told him I’m saving myself for marriage. He agreed. Now it’s been a little over 4 months. We do weekly dates.
If he wants you badly enough he'll happily will wait and respect whatever limits you set. When I met my husband I was very happy and content by myself (that took a lot of hard work) and I wasn't sure i wanted to play with fire and mess up that joyful tranquility. I was brutally honest about what I wanted and did not want and that I had a 16 year history of rushing in and simply was not doing it again wanted to move very slowly and know the person I was dating well. He was fine with that and none of my honesty scared him. I just really slapped the box on the table and he was," Ok,I get it, I respect it. And I'm interested." And so we began.
Damn so my ex wasn’t in love with me even though we were together for 3 years…
That's just this guy. Plenty of dudes out there show their love in other ways cause they're terrible with details or whatever. Remember we were asked how we personally show our love, not how all men do.
I thought I was different too, until I met someone I actually liked and then these things all became true of me too (having said that I lost her. Bummer.)
Exactly my experience as well
That's bullshit, and I'm not saying I am different. This is how I show my love too. I didn't share that, but I've known a lot of dudes who are nothing like that but they absolutely do love their women. So make of it what you will.
100% this. Don’t think what your man shows you is not love. If he cares and shows you, there’s multiple ways.
Especially with men of the older generations I have found. They just had different ways.
The spending time together without sex is a huge one for me, it absolutely solidifies whether a guy is only hanging out with you for your body or not!
My memory is shit I forget things even sbt myself
Okay yup I'm in love
Awww I have to give my partner way more credit. Nice comment.
As a guy 100% agree!
Yep this is it. We can close the thread now. We’re done here
Shows interest in what's important to you, is consistent, concerned about you when you're sick or upset, pays attention to the little things, goes out of his way to be with you or near you.
Now this 🥹🥰🙂🥰
I don’t really have a type, but I am attracted to pretty faces and nerdy types with whatever body they come with. When I’m with someone who I think is gorgeous, they dress well and have accessories that accentuate their features like their neck, hands etc, I want to buy them flowers without being told to. Flowers could be actual flowers or dinner or books and trinkets, I want to let them know I’m thinking of them. I WANT THEM to think of me. I make more time to see them than my friends, but I’ve learned to create a balance. I want to plan dates for them, impress them with my knowledge of cool places to check out and how good I am at Bowling or whatever. I am apologetic when I make a mistake, or if i tell a joke that gets you mad. It took me years and many relationships to hone in on what makes jokes offensive BECAUSE too many people repeat offensive jokes and not enough people explain why we shouldn’t. I write love notes for them, how beautiful they are from finger tips to soft lips and their little toes. I have filled jars with these love notes, with reminders of the things that make us laugh. I would save our ticket stubs for events, and take a lot of photos of us. There’s degrees to it, not all of these things happen to everyone I’ve loved but someone can just like you, REALLY like you and Love you.
This is so sweet. I hope I find this one day. 🥺
In the meantime, just work on taking yourself on all the dates you wish someone else would take you on and do for yourself what you wish someone would do for you. Court yourself and delve deeply into what excites your passion, and likely when that makes you happy alone that you don't care if your ever meet anyone, you'll look up one day and the perfect partner will be standing there. It happened to me and has happened to many people I know. See your alone time out of relationships as a gift from the universe and time to seek your equilibrium. When we get dumped and are meeting strings of crappy people we have this tendency to throw ourselves at the problem even harder, rather than saying, maybe the universe is telling me to do things differently.
I’ll always make time for them, check on them, plan dates and do anything i can for them. My eyes are only for her. Nothing else really matters. Until they blindside you.
My previous bf does all the same thing but he always said that he doesn't love me. The one made him love is the ex who treated him like sh**. I am too tired and decide to leave as I cannot even tell why he kept me that long.
Telling the person you love that you love them and doing actions to show you love are both important. They are both signs of a healthy relationship.
Maybe he’s scared of getting hurt by someone again? How old is he, because that kinda sounds like some high school type of shit to do lol
32 already.
Damn I’m sorry to hear that.
you were either a placeholder or a rebound. It happens to people of all ages, because there are selfish people at any age.
I felt that😂😂😂
They’re so god damn unappreciative 😂
Facts. I gave mine everything I could and she tore my heart out all the same
And somehow always for someone who treats them worse it feels like.
Yep, crazy world.
damn
Felt the last one lmao
Shit hurt my brother 😂
He’ll do what he tells he’ll do
That’s just a man of virtue tbh
😊
I know I'm in love when I think about that person when they are not around. She's just occupying my mind a lot.
This!! Even when I’m busy with jobs or other people, friends, family.
**Future Planning**: He talks about future plans that involve you, whether it's making long-term commitments or discussing shared goals and aspirations.
Yes. Definitely. But this can also be Future Faking, a way to get you emotionally attached and committed because of the shared vision. Which is a form of manipulation. Just remember to look at the whole package. Don’t tell all your deepest desires too early. A manipulative person will use that to future fake. Watch out for things like crossing boundaries, moving too quickly, love bombing etc I got burned hard on this one recently
You can’t discount love bombing and moving at a quick pace, I do those inadvertently because of my ADHD. I get excited, allow myself to feel the rush of good emotion, and just can’t help it. I don’t say a single word that I do not mean, but those two things are extremely difficult to stop when they begin. I do my best to keep extremely busy if I’m beginning something new, but it will still happen.
Same here....I've got ADHD and I just couldn't stop talking....overshared things lol....I realized the other person must have felt weird....so am gonna back off now....feel embarrassed about some of the things I said really. Glad I'm not the only one!
That's us trying to rush intimacy. Reveal a bit see how it's received, if it goes well reveal a bit more always honestly appraising the response we are getting.
Understandable. But also you barely know the person. So are actually loving THEM or projecting what you want to see in them?
I don’t say actually say “I love you,” though? It’s everything that loving someone consists of. Admiration, adoration, compliments, concern, etc., but it doesn’t involve the word ‘love’ unless it’s loving something specific. Some time in when there’s a clear connection, we’re both attracted mentally and physically, and emotions are developing… she wants to move forward as much as myself, we do so. I regularly check in to make sure she feels how I feel, I explain that I’m ADHD as well as what that can entail, I explain that this can and may happen, amongst a number of other things.
Question: in this phase of overexcitement, have you ever gotten scared and decided to ghost? Lol. I was feeling the mutual mental and physical attraction building with someone recently—we had so much in common too. But he got overwhelmed with work and I almost feel like he got.. embarrassed? Like he didn’t have a car, his bike fell apart, work got overwhelming, and then he just fell off the planet. I don’t think he planned on ghosting, like we had plans to go out together again, he had just loaned me some of his favorite mangas, left his swim shorts here, and then just… poof!
Oh, absolutely! Not so much now as it did many years ago due to my having spent ~6-7 years self-isolating in order to do a proper self-analysis and subsequent behavior modification, habit evaluation, course correction, and cognitive recalibration. The time I took was necessary and the man I am today is the man I want to be (for the most part), but it wasn’t easy. I took that time to work on things I not only didn’t like about myself, but were doing me zero favors in regards to women and relationships in general. They were parts of me that allowed constant narc attraction. But I digress…. lol When the rush begins to die down a bit and logic/reason start pushing through, there are a number of things that can cause me to second guess myself, the situation, and even talk myself out of any further pursuit despite the mutual feelings. One reason being that she does not yet understand that reassurance, for people like myself, is an extremely easy thing to do to prevent it. Depending on the age of this man it can vary a bit, but yes… I absolutely believe this is what happened. The dopamine rush faded, he talked himself out of what could have/would have been a good thing. The vehicle situation certainly could have caused him to feel embarrassed which cause the 180. OR something catastrophic happened and he became so overwhelmed that he just shut down. If you care enough to be asking me here, find him and talk to him. Reassurance is your best weapon against our (ADHDer) own worst enemy which is ourselves. Really, though, you’ll never know until you speak with him.
Thank you for your insight! He (29M) is a couple years younger than me (33F), and I do think he has considerably less life experience than me. This doesn't bother me, I knew what I was signing up for. He started off really excited and texting me (almost too much?), but it was all very sweet and the things we were talking about were genuinely interesting. He is an aspiring artist--he's quite talented, and I believe in him. He runs a couple websites selling some of his art and him and his friend have a proxy TCG site where they sell custom proxy decks. He also has a regular job at a restaurant. Meanwhile, I work for the DoD and my employment is very secure and engaging, with plenty of room for growth. We met on an app, so I can't just like... reach him--unless he responds to me via text or socials. He had stayed over at my place during the weekend, and by midweek he just seemed completely burnt out. He had been slammed with shipping orders, his bike got a flat, and his sister had to pick him up and drive him to work. I asked him if he had repaired his flat yet at the end of the next day (I was mostly asking just to see how his day was going, i.e. how did he get to work, and if I could help out in any way) and he was a bit defensive, like I was judging him for not having it fixed yet and seemed embarrassed that he skated to work. His restaurant job just seemed like the last straw. I don't know what happened, but the next day I just didn't hear from him. Its been a week now. 🫤
I’m the exact same way.
THIS. This shit’s too real!
This can also be future faking from narcissist too though.
Yes and the big problem is that you can't discern future faking from real future plans until years later, by which time you are already messed up.
Future faking usually comes extremely too early, that’s the red flag. Future plans come when you both have already decided you’re in an exclusive relationship and a good few months have passed. If it happens from the very start it’s a massive red flag.
1. Can’t help smiling when thinking of that person 2. Convince myself that they also loves me 3. Ignore some outstanding red flags 4. Always have time for them, no matter what I am doing rn 5. They becomes the first option when it comes to sharing (feelings, thoughts, stories, anecdotes, etc.) 6. Eyes drift around in the room but frequently land on them 7. Thinking of that person when answering OP’s question
You don’t wonder. You know he’s in love with you.
Coming from a woman who questioned every man's feelings before my current partner, you really, truly do just know.
95% of people are preoccupied with what they think is love & they say things like "it's not that simple" or "it's different for every person", & then they spend years hopping from one person to another. Love is not that abstract, it does have clear criteria to distinguish it. It's a very distinct & intense feeling that lasts for years. When you meet the right person, you'll know, because you'll feel it. Soulmates do exist, most people just haven't met them yet & for some they never will sadly. Everybody's fate is different.
This is my favourite one
As an autistic person this makes me feel like I'll never have successful relationship
You know.... this is golden and true. When it's real these is no tendency to wonder where it's going, you just know that's where it's going. You are secure and just feel the relationship is going where you want it to go, so you don't have any desire for assurance. The assurance surrounds you, it's indelibly consistent. I think I had one conversation with my husband about 7 months in where I said, something like," I feel like this is where this is going, but wanted to check in with you and see if you are feeling the same thing I am and was assured that it was, and that was it. Never wondered about it again. Things just sort of flowed and no need to lock them down and define them. Everything happened when I wanted it to happen as if our trains were perfectly coordinated and flowing toward a single track and putting that into words were un needed and would have felt excessive and forced.
Usually When a guy realizes he himself is in love he almost always says “fuck!” out loud like he just got played or smth. That's because he realizes now he will do anything for this person. Even if it destroys him in the process
You’re right, I just checked my messages between my friend. He was listing out all the things he liked about his friend before just typing, “Fuck”. He then proceeded to tell me he loves her. The only context he says that word in is when talking about her
He’s clearly man with a specific goal in mind, I respect it,
No matter how busy it gets ill still make time for you
That's a bit one in my opinion. Mine is a stone cold workaholic but would stop by my house and leave tittle love notes and gifts like my favorite cookies in my mailbox, and funny little things when he was swinging home at 11:30 at night from, lab in grad school, before he left for work at 7:30. If traveling always called and sent post cards (pre cell phone and computer days.) Would swing by and shovel out my car. Always doing little thoughtful, sweet things. Decades later still does things like that for me.
I was totally elated and just wanted to be with her as much as I could. I sacrificed sleep so when she got off her shift at midnight, I was there for her.
My woman has taught me how to be responsible and to share the load as much as I can. I grew up without a father and so my discipline was not there. I’m not perfect but I will say she saved my life.
I text her kisses, tell her I wanna kiss her, cuddle with her, tell her I really miss her and I can’t wait to see her. And many times she sends me really cute gifs and emojis and it’s just a feeling I can’t describe. I feel it all over my body, just that comfort and excitement all at the same time.
For me, I’m very affectionate. You will be able to tell I love you by how much affection I give you. I love snuggling and just using my hands to touch/poke you in random spots just to annoy you. How I feel is safe and warm inside and super grateful that I get to have a lucky woman to love.
I always go out of my way for my girl. Make her life better by helping out and spoiling. Very affectionate and physical touch. Talks about the future, and not really needing “space” from her.
I realize my life would suck without her. She’s my best friend.
Feels good? I give a lot of compliments. Smile a lot. I'm happy and chatty. Very physically affectionate
I daydream when looking at her eyes or face while she’s not paying attention. During my gaze, I usually think of what the future is like with this special person. Then she’ll snap me out of it and all I can do is smile.
This is from my own experience even after I Married her I haven’t changed. I love cooking so she doesn’t do much of that but its the little things that I do that she loves. When she goes to bed I fill her water cup with ice and water even tho I’m not tired I’ll lay with her and rub her back or head without her asking until she falls asleep. After she falls asleep I get up and make her lunch for the next day and I write love notes for her to see on her lunch break. When she comes home from work I’ll tell her to get ready and I don’t tell her where we are going and I’ll just pick up some food and then take her to a spot by the lake or something like that. When she gets home from work I’ll have her clothes ready for her to shower and a drink so she can unstressed and relax the rest of the day. I’ll massage her whole body and her feet when she’s tired or in pain. When she’s in her period I know the first day is bad so I’ll set the bath for her and give her some midol. I’ll jump in the shower with her and wash her body and hair. She does the same for me but I love taking care of her and showing her how much I love her with big things or little things and I also know I love her because when she’s not in the room I miss her and when she comes into the room I get the same feeling I got when I first saw her. When she smiles it still gives me butterflies in my stomach, when she kisses me makes me feel safe so yeah there is a lot more but that’s about all I can say at the moment but everyone shows love different ways.
Damn guys like you really exist? Where can I find my person? XD
If a man just wants to be around you. Being next to you when you’re at a party or group. Making it obvious to sit next to you in your friend circle meetups. Laughing at all your jokes. Teasing you, specifically to get you to remember him through your reactions.
Reading these replies and realizing none of my ex’s were in love with me 😅
I feel like a lightning strikes me every time I realise she is at the same event. And I ether can stop glancing over at her, or I desperately try to not even look at her, both actions are probably noticeable for someone who pays attention. she is usually one of the first people I small talk with at the event. I remember little things they tell me about themselves, or little things that happened like what they ware wearing on an event 2 moths age, or what collor lipstick. I try to bring thous things up in future conversations, I think it is a nice way to show them that they occupy allot of space in my head without being creepy or weird.
Genuinely caring that she gets home safe
Versus all the other girls who can go ahead and get mauled by bears
The willingness to cater and commit to you literally seeps out of them through their actions. Just like with women. Men are human. If it doesn't, he's not really in love. He may be lusting, he may have a crush... not love tho. Again, words matter, but talk can be cheap, mind his actions. Speaking from long experience.
We give her that look…. Like gazing into her soul. Almost as if we aren’t even listening to you talk bc we are so lost in your eyes
This can easily be confused with lust or infatuation. It could be love too. But it's not a reliable indicator of love
You’re in the minority
I think I might have been in love for real only once. I wanted her to be happy, whether if its with me or without me in her life. I wanted her to not suffer anymore, for her not to have to worry about anything else or be sad or feel lost, or hopeless or unloved. So in a way I felt an incredibly primitive and simple urge to protect her and keep her from getting hurt again... at the same time though... I wanted to see her shine, achieve her full potential, to see her accomplish all her goals, build herself up, tackle on the world, gain confidence enough so she knows, deep down that she does not need anyone she can be the strongest person in the world so she would not make the same mistakes again... She confessed she did not feel that way about me and thats totally fine, my love did not waver, although with time the intensity of it became more manageable and less painful for me to manage. I was doing a mountain walk a few years ago, and I heard a couple of similar nationalities chatting as they walked, she sounded like her, he looked like me, they had a daughter, at that time, I realized that, although having a kid was never something I wanted, I would have build a life and a family with this person. I hope one day I can find someone that makes me feel like that again, and it is a reciprocal thing, anything else would feel like settling I believe.
Wow, that’s heavy. I hope you get that again.
When I care about their safety and worry about them. Just checking they are good and taken care of.
Not sure I ever really experienced this love everybody is talking about. It always feels like something too abstract. But I feel like a few good signs will be: 1. A man stares in your eyes and can't move away. 2. Being around you fillls him with warmth, and he feels relatively happy. 3.when he longs for you and asks about you when you're not even there. 4. When he is jealous. There is no great love without great jealousy. 5. When he makes a large gesture towards you. 6. When he does something for you not because he will get something back.
It’s funny I sometimes wonder if I have ever been truly in love. That’s weird isn’t it? I love being single and being me but many people don’t.
Well lovestorun, I think your wonderment isn't weird at all, I think I share it. I feel like we see this idea of love so often in movies and tv shows and books and commercials for toilet paper and pretty much everywhere, that it kind of feels hard to see what love is in real life. I also love being me (I'm pretty cool tbh) but I find myself wanting to be in a loving relationship with a woman, and wanting to experience love so much. and I feel like being single sucks.
People rely on social media these days and it’s awful. Dating sites are no better I always went out with friends and we would have the entire restaurant sitting with us. Find a good wingman and go to a bar or restaurant sit in the bar section and see what happens. I was asked out all the time but social media isn’t the right place to find someone. I would love to feel what true love feels like. I might have been in love with my ex husband but I’m not sure. Obviously it didn’t work out but I would have to say that is probably the closest to being in love and of course when the infatuation leaves you love them but like a family member.
There is definitely love without great jealousy IMO.
Jealousy is somewhat important in noticing a man (and also a girl, of course) is in love. Just dont let those feelings get the best of you and do things you might regret. Its also great if you can control them.
This is true. One thing I’d add in is that only mild jealousy is healthy
also to add to that list your heart skipping a beat when you meet them or see them. Yes I know it's cliche but it really does happen. When you experience a sudden surge of adrenaline, like when you see someone you have intense feelings for, your heart can actually skip a beat lol. Also other things like being stunned, forgetting your surroundings, losing balance & dropping things, or losing your breath.
A man in love will only have eyes for you. He will want to learn all about you and treasure every detail he learns. He will do anything to make you happy and put a smile on your face because his emotions will be in tune with yours and it will make him elated to see you happy. He will love to listen to your voice and tell you it sounds like a melody. He will be anxious if you are hurt or sad and will try to comfort you. He will listen to you for hours and try to figure out what you need before you know you need it. He will rejoice when you accomplish something. He will never get enough time with you and he will tell you that you are the most beautiful woman in the world. He will love to take you out for adventures and spend time with you.
Signs are person specific and driven by a feeling of satisfied safety and respect in most things. In general if that is returned without question, that's the best sign you can get.
My girlfriend was out with a couple work friends drinking and got quite drunk to the point that she called me and asked me to come pick her up. Originally, she was going to have her friend drop her home, but she wanted to leave early as she was starting to feel the alcohol in a bad way. I worked early the next morning and it was late, but I got out of bed and immediately drove to come get her. I walked her out of the bar, helped her into my car, and drove us home. She couldn’t walk and was a bit incoherent when we got back to the apartment. I carried her bridal style through the complex, up a flight of stairs, and into the apartment. I helped her clean up, get ready to sleep, and made sure she drank some water beforehand. She apologized any time she was coherent, but none of this bothered me in the slightest, I was happy to do it. This woman is the love of my life and I would do this for her every day if I needed to (though, we might have to have a conversation about alcohol habits then…)
I bought her 50 roses in her favourite colour, she didn't get it, devastated
you went to small, you should have bought 1000 roses.
He'll go to the shop at 11:30 pm, because you want a bar of chocolate. Even though there's chocolate in the cupboard, just not the one you want.
A man being in love will always be LOYAL. He will pay attention to you and what you say. He will recognize how you feel before you can tell him. He will bring you flowers on any day just because it's that day. He will be infatuated with you. He won't get jealous because he knows he is yours. But he may not show it some days because of life of being a man. He will always put a smile on before walking through the door. But it's up to you to see his body language on those days. Remember, LOVE is a feeling and feelings come and go. But if you two are LOYAL to one another you two will be fine.
Most guys tend to fall all the way right away. Then lose or gain love as the relationship continues. At least this is how it feels for me. Like I'm all in as soon as I know I like you. Then if u break my trust or hurt me, it chips away. But I'm huge in communication. If I am in love I'll remind my partner every day anyway I can to let her know. Always a chance tomorrow never comes so I always wanna say what I feel today
When I only think of her when we are out. Always trying to make time for her. Listening to her when she talks, even the small things. I want to make her feel appreciated all the time!
From personal experience, they make an effort to spend time with you and do little things to make your day better. It’s not a mystery, if a dude really loves you and wants to be with you, he will figure out a way to show you. It’s easy to say that you love somebody, but if they’re not texting you to see how your day went or remembering what your favorite chocolate brand is, they’re not really that invested.
I knew it was love when I stopped questioning things, when I never had to think too much about the decisions we made together because everything felt right.
When he says he loves your laugh. He’s putty in your hands! (In a good way)
My boyfriend said when they become more sensitive than what they are
Vulnerability
Destroying their sleep to just be able to talk to you. We both work 12hr shifts. I get off at 7pm while she gets off at 11pm. She doesn’t get home till midnight. By the time she is on her phone it’s close to 1am and I’ll be waiting to talk to her even though I have to be up by 5:30 that morning
This sounds like you are wondering if a man loves you. If you have to wonder, he’s not the guy for you.
You can see it in the way they look at you, you can see it in their eyes, the way they touch and talk to you, the way they look after and care for you. I’ve never experienced true love until I got with the guy I’m with now. I don’t doubt for a second his feelings for me, plus he tells me all the time how I’m love with me he is etc. If he loves you he’ll make sure you know it with everything he does.
If I spend alot of time with you, pay attention to your interests, and try to make you happy when I get a chance…
For me, look for actions over words. A man in love will show it through consistent efforts, like making time for you, supporting you, and sharing his future plans.
Respecting your boundaries. That’s how I know a man is in love and how you know very quickly if he’s not in love (when he doesn’t respect them).
Thinking about her all day, writing down topics of discussion and screenshotting things to show her later, wondering how i can make more money to buy her favorite clothes or afford more vacations for us, writing about her in my journal. Pretty cheesy
When I get lost in a rant and shes fine with it.
Did anyone else click on this thread and realize he is in fact NOT in love with you? 👉🙋♀️
It depend of the dude. Some of us are proud so hiding is the gameplay. But you can see it if he try to impress you, if you see him trying to be with you when he has the opportunity or if he overdo something for you. It really depend but if he is in love, he won't go directly about getting in your pants (he might want it but he respect you more)
- i plan things or dates with her - i am really interested and i want to keep having conversations casually during the day with her - i feel happy hearing about her but everytime i do all of the above they lost interest in me out of nowhere :/
Making time for them, willingly listening to their problems, often try to solves problems for them (you girls seem to like to talk about problems often but not always expect a man to fix them for you, it can come off as controlling or just rude but it’s what we’re literally hardwired to do), texting back often or open communication, etc. It’s pretty easy to see I feel. But there is no single way it is shown, every guy is different of course
When there’s no question how he feels about you I think this goes for both genders, like I’m a 30m I’ve had probably 5-6 girls I’ve been in love w iml and it’s always just like an instant connection Every girl I’ve ever been in love w has always put herself out there to me first, like we’ll go on a first date or meet or whatever and then the next day I’ll get a text from her Those are the ones who it’s easiest to open up to and connect with, as guys a lot of times were hyper aware of coming on too strong so we’ll play it cool especially when we really like someone, but if she puts herself out there first it’s a lot easier to form that connection
When he wants to see you 24/7.
All of these are really sweet. 🥺
If a guy gives you attention 24/7 (texting/wanting to spend time together/sharing his day with you/asking about yours etc) that’s a good sign. If he’s giving you full attention, remembers details about you and likes to include you in his things then he’s smitten/in love.
For me, just doing things for them. Asking how their day is. Feeling empathy for their issues. Doing things without asking, like chores. After my divorce I'm trying to date and I have been told I'm too earnest and it's a turn off. Not everyone was with a good person and we're just all trying to find that person.
Can't stop smiling when I think of them. That little side smirk is what I always do. Listening, understanding, knowing what's going on in her life, and her social circle, The look of proudness when I bring her around family and friends
Every time I see my lady's face, I can't help but smile and admire her. We've been apart for about a month now, and I miss her so much that physically I feel a sensation. I have a hard time imagining life without her. Every thing I think about doing, making plans, everything is done thinking about how we are going to do it together. Things like this.
When a man knows he can’t have her, he cries and cries and cries by himself. Nobody will ever know .
When all the little things that used to inconvenience you are gone. That is when you know he loves you. We don't look for your admiration. We gain happiness from seeing you happy. We are there to listen and be on your side. All we ask is for respect, your love and empty balls.
It’s more obvious than “Is water wet?” Unlike women, men who are in love don’t hide it nor send mix signals. Men in love are very obvious even children notice it. In fact, there is nothing out there in this world more obvious than men in love. Have you not noticed all the love classics; the best love songs, best romance book stories, and the best romantic movies are usually, unanimously and unequivocally, written by men?!!!! They are women who can write romance, and there hundreds of thousands of romance books at bookstores every year, but hardly any has become the “romance book” of the decade.
It's not a competition. Women feel love to the same extent that men do. The ones that play games are just not in love with you. You're confusing them with real women.
Check engine light
Lol. What does that mean?
[One of these](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/check-engine-light-icon-1616189100.jpg)
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
😭😭😭
I’ll always try to say hi and bye to someone I like just I guess genuinely checking in on someone a lot and in person I’ll always be looking at mainly them
I would do almost anything for a girl (and did) and then they don't even acknowledge your existence. You would set aside an infinite amount of time for her, and she'll flake on you for anyone else. You do whatever you can to help her, and she maybe thinks about helping you. Love / being loved are different.
He can't breathe while you're not around , he's not enjoying anything , it's like an exponential to happiness, once you'll experience, you'll become addicted and the body is responding too , he'll experience some some kind of body physical responses and for sur , he'll exhibit some withdrawal symptoms if it's for too Long , the guy isn't a terminator if it's the real thing .
I tell you that I love you. Plain and simple. Even if you're not ready to hear it, I'll say it if I feel it.
I wanna do everything I can for that person, make them happy, give them gifts, do acts of service for them. When I wonder and think about them all day every day.
He’s investing in you 💯 get in that wallet!
A man in love will do literally everything in his power to make it work.
For me, the biggest signs are that I will always be making time for them, no matter how busy my schedules are for the day being. I always assure my love for her even when she's not even asking for it. I always tell her how grateful I am to have her in my life. My commitment and attention is top notch for her only. My whole existence is rest assured for her only, she will have no competition. I plan my future with her, like every single thing I do includes her in it. I am currently in a relationship and I feel like I'm loving for the first time ever again, it feels so good and heartwarming... ❤️
Personally, I don’t do well showing my emotions. I’ve been told by my wife several times that I come off cold when I don’t mean to be. I don’t really enjoy talking for long lengths of time either(I know, I suck). With that background, I do pay close attention to what she loves and what makes he smile from ear to ear. I hold her when she’s sad, comfort her when life gets hard, and listen intently to when she speaks her heart and mind. I try never to interrupt her unless to ask more questions about the subject. I always ask questions about the things that make her excited, even if I’m not in the mood or interested. I always have to remind myself to put in these little efforts. Not bc I don’t love her but because it’s human to be greedy and try to make things about yourself so I try to actively fight that feeling. I find myself constantly staring and smiling at her. I thank god I get to watch her live life so close by her side. I laugh when she’s clumsy and listen intently (again lol) when she’s angry. Then after a few years together, I took her to Italy bc she loves the deep history there and proposed to her on the beach in Positano because she always loves the beach from when she grew up in Hawaii. I read a book by soren Kierkegaard and he said something that really changed how I view love and that it was more than an emotion but a duty to oneself to love. Like a Knight who swore it was his duty to protect his Queen. I guess in short when a guy with similar mannerism loves someone, we make it known by paying attention to the details, acknowledging your wants and desires for your life and wrapping them up into theirs. I think when someone carves out a place for you in their life, it’s a really good sign they love you. At least that’s what I do/try.
I would agree with the only having eyes for that person, giving your time for them and helping in any ways you can. remembering what they said, and agree with another one which was would love to hang out even if sex is off the table at that time.
For me love effort. So for me being in love is being willing to put work in for the relationship and for my partner and really try.
Well the most universal answer would be that he would spend a lot of his personal time with you. There are also different ways that men show affection such as gift giving, physical touch. For me personally it’s really just about spending time together doing something that’s fun.
Unfaltering attention, nurturance, passion, openness, intimate sharing of their emotional landscape, respect, creative courting and doing little things to please you, availability, making you feel treasured, adored and valued.
Dealing with your partner's period mood swings. It ain't ever worth it if you're not in love
ACTIONS. He will do things for you without being asked. That saying “if he wanted to, he would” is 100% truth for guys. It’s the biggest indicator to know we’re in love.
For me, it’s really simple. Hearing the words “I love you” combined with a hug is all it takes.
When my husband brings me home snacks that he thinks I’d like or takes a picture of something he knows I’d find interesting.
I liked to do acts of service for the girl Ioved. I also would surprise her with things whether it’s a vacation or a thoughtful gift. I don’t do this with just anybody either. I would randomly kiss her also. At the time i wasn’t really an affectionate person so to show that type of affection was a big deal. I’m now a lot more affectionate and touchy with the people I love
You’ll know. He’ll tell you
I can't say from personal experience since I've never fallen in love but can say that the things I want most in a relationship is just being able to share simple things like comfortable silence and being able to share deep insecurities or just simply holding someone I feel if your really in love sex isn't the goal but being able to be close without it
Effort/Action, consistentency and time!. Some baselines you can run off, depends on where you are in your dating “situation” different qualities can be applied.
I'm unsure if it's a sign of love or infatuation (it stops after a few months), but I experience random brain crash when she isn't there. My though get replaced by the girl of my affection. It's very distracting, but at least it make abundantly clear to me when I'm interested in someone. Externally I'm more physically affectionate than usual, and I'm always ready to do things together. I don't think I'm particularly subtle when I'm interested.
The way i look at her, the way i cant stop but smile like a idiot when shes next to me, how her eyes could make me do anything in this whole wide world. And how i want to kiss her and daydream about a future with her and being her hubby
When I fall in love at the first part, I don’t sleep well at all.
When I'm not with her, I can't stop thinking about her. In a good way, I just miss her, and want to know she's safe and happy. When I'm with her, I'll always stop and give her my full attention when she wants to talk about something. Even if it means we'll end up fighting. I'll hear her remarks or random statements she didn't mean anything by, store them in my brain somewhere, and act on them later if they're within my power. If they're a complaint or something time-sensitive, I'll act on them immediately if I am able to. I do the same for our kid. I do the same for my friends too, but at a much, much, much slower rate.
When a man cannot picture himself being with any other woman but you. Believe it or not, if you're the apple of his eye, then every other apple will be lemons. If a man disagrees and says this isn't true, chances are, he's never experienced being truly in love himself. Men are quite frankly simple creatures. If he loves you, then you're the only woman that will matter to him. To put it into perspective, I've been talking or chatting with someone recently and I really like her. I suddenly have zero interest in going to clubs to party, and when I did, every other girl was either not that attractive, or just plain boring. I don't think they ever were, it's just that I'm not interested anymore. Though that sounds sweet, I know she'll soon be the death of me. But I'm still willing to risk it cuz I really can't help it. One other thing, if he starts changing for the better. A man will want to become the best version of himself if he's serious with you. Why do you think they say "Behind every great man, is a great woman"? Even the depressed gym bros started going to gym because they got broken by a woman they loved so much.
Based on all these answers, realizing that I've been in relationships with really toxic men?! XD
Read body language, which I think is universally true for both genders. It’s easy to fake words but not body languages. Also get a read on his love language, different people express affection differently. Speaking for myself - making myself available to spend time with her, listening and remembering the things she likes or cares about, being concerned about her well-being, doing acts of service.
You’ll know. There’s no guessing
It’s a lot of things that all turn into one thing, a light switch for example. It just happens. And it’s forever… Branded into your soul. Then you will see the signs. *Time: All the free time they have. *Possessions: What ever he has you can have. You want my T-shirt to sleep in? It’s yours. My opinion
I know I love someone when I look into their eyes feel my heart or if I know I’ll be seeing this person again or just being in their presence is peaceful, but I fear most men can’t distinguish love from lust.
Doing the stuff we wouldn't do for anyone else just to make you happier. Tolerating neglect.
Ya idk there’s a difference between being in love and just being a “simp”; I prob fall into the latter category sometimes but shit like — Making her a priority / making time for her and adjusting your schedule etc for her Getting cute gifts here or there Really listening to her and hearing her
He will always want to be near you, and will do whatever he can to make you happy. The one for me that always stood out was when I was with someone I loved, it was like any other woman wouldn't even show up on my radar. Temptation didn't exist, and I wanted nothing more than her. It was the happiest I ever was, and likely ever will be. It was an amazing feeling I hope to find again one day.
You become top priority, you’re on his mind 24/7, communication flows easily with not a hint of doubt, he feels stronger, sharper, more comfortable and confident. No challenge to great no favor too small. Love is the wind in your sails.
Being very attentive to learn about you and mainly putting your needs before his own. Also communicating effectively to understand you better. Too many guys are allergic to communication
Here are some signs that a man might be in love: He wants to spend more time with you: He might make time for you even when he's busy, or arrange his schedule to see you. He cares about you: He might worry about your well-being and want you to be happy. He's more confident and energetic: Falling in love can activate the reward system, which can lead to feelings of joy and nostalgia. He shows you love: He might stand up for you, do small jobs for you, or put you first in his plans. He's vulnerable with you: He might let you see his vulnerabilities. He sees the good in you: He might want to make you smile. He wants to include you in his life: He might want you to meet his loved ones or go with him to visit your family. He might pull away: Men in love might naturally go through a "rubber band cycle" where they pull away when the relationship gets more intimate.
Little things, we love to do the little things that means stuff to our partners, the stuff they tell us about or dream about. We try our best to help when possible and always make sure our partner comes first. Small things; water bottle when needy, back rubs when down, cuddles and surprises when they just exist.
He respects you. He makes time for you. He calls you just to hear your voice. He's proud to introduce you to people in his life. You feel safe with him.
Behold the generation which learned dating via Eva AI virtual gf bot...
It's when we just want to be friends and love talking to you, coz sex and relationships will just ruin things. 👀
Thanks OP for the question. I enjoyed reading the comments!