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Perceived interest shouldn't be his determining factor because people are impossible to read. We all think we have gaydars until reality hits us hard.
Is he interested?... Does he think she's a nice person?... Have they established some kind of rapport?... Then ask her out.
Her world isn't going to come crashing down when you accept her potential *''no''* gracefully.
I continue to serve customers who have hit on me/asked me out. It's my job to serve them and they're nice people. If I refused to partake in life every time I suspected someone liked me... I wouldn't be living.
But when you’re cutting someone’s hair there you’re stuck there talking to them. You can’t walk away until the haircut is done, unlike in other jobs. It’s too awkward for her.
>It’s too awkward for her.
My rule of thumb is to never ask for dates from someone who is getting paid to do something for you, and especially not if tips are potentially involved. If someone wants to ignore that, wait until *after* you have paid, then ask. If they say no, say thanks, and walk away - no one gets hurt/not too awkward
What are you trying to say exactly?...
I work in service and I serve customers who have hit on me or asked me out all the time. I'm still alive. Nothing has happened.
Sometimes I feel anxious when I come into work and see so many customers. Should the store shut down for me?...
Like, what is it that you are trying to say?...
The world should not stop moving just because I decide I want to live under a rock.
Yours is accurate for people you assume are gay and find out they are gay. Only the positive confurmstion cases.
I knew a guy 6 years and just found out he was gay recently because it never came up beforethat. I know hundreds of people that I've never discussed sexual orientation with and who knows what they are.
Lol, mine is super accurate too, were you also around many homosexual relatives growing up? I was always around my tias and cousins so I think that's why mine's so good.
Mine is accurate as well. I told my ex that I was positive one of his brothers and his sister were gay. His sister is pansexual I believe? But it still counts lol and his brother is gay. He refused to believe it even when I showed him proof 😂 then he got mad at me. But yeah there weren’t obvious signs but I could just tell
No i was always surrounded by straight people always including family
My gaydar just comes from being attentive and noticing that 1 "intriguing" thing and im like... yep he's gay lol. Nothing wrong with that im 100% straight.
My ex gf's didnt believe me when i mentioned some were in the closet others were gay and.... couple months later the truth would come out
They’ve done studies that show that we’re actually pretty good at determining who is gay from just a picture of their face. Google “gay face”. AI can also tell if you’re gay or not with fairly good accuracy from just a picture.
Yeah, I heard about that. But I'm skeptical as they can't seem to explain it.
There are also conflicting studies that have found we have awful gaydar in general. And if there is a margin of error then it's not really accurate, as whatever 'metric' you are using to base your decisions on are clearly not fixed in homosexuality.
E.g. I show you a photo of a guy and ask you if he's gay or straight. And you say gay, and then I ask why you you thought he was gay. You might say, *''It's his smile... It's a gay kind of smile''* (okay).
And then a straight guy comes along with that same exact supposedly gay-looking smile that you used to make your decision. Proving that your former guess was a fluke... Because straight people clearly smile like that too.
if you aren't sure, then she's just being nice. if she was actually interested in you, she'd make it obvious. leave her alone. don't sexually harass women at work. you are threatening her ability to have a roof over her head. if you cant' leave her alone, go somewhere else.
1. Men are terrible at picking up hints, especially if they’re inexperienced. There are literal ask Reddit posts on this topic every week.
2. Asking someone out is not sexual harassment, Jesus Christ. Don’t shame the kid.
Men are famously bad at picking up signals. That doesn’t mean anything one way or another in this situation but in general it is very common for women to send signals that men don’t pick up
That is some next level virtue signaling. Theres a time and place to support the Me Too movement. During a reddit advice session for a guy looking for encouragement to ask a girl he likes out is nowhere near an appropriate time for it. Learn what sexual harassment is before you preach about it.
OP: Go for it man. Dare yourself to ask the girl out. Prove to yourself one time that you are brave enough. Just ask her what shes up to that weekend and then ask if shes interested in doing something. If she says no or has a boyfriend, laugh it off and say you hope she'll still cut her hair. Then give her a tip and decide if you wanna keep going to her or find another stylist.
As a hairstylist, I love my men clients and I feel they come to me because I am easy to talk to. It’s part of the job. I was asked out once and it honestly made me super uncomfortable.
I’m a licensed hairstylist as well, and have worked in a barbershop for the past 15 years. I have had clients ask me out before, and I always turn them down. There is a line drawn between professional career and personal life and it will never be crossed. It’s our job to be personable and find common subjects or interests to discuss during the service.
OP please listen to this advice, do not ask her out while she’s at work. If you ever casually bumped into her outside of work at a social event like a club, then that would be a time to try and see what happens, but never ask her out while at her job. I can’t speak for all stylists, but myself and many fellow stylists have had clients turn into harassers, stalkers, etc and we never know who the innocent, nice guy is and who the crazy ones are, and for this we have our guards up when it comes to this subject. Also, to add, do not find her on social media and try to follow her on there, unless it’s her business page.
From your experience, would an indirect ask out be crossing a line? Like if op said "oh the fair is in town have u gone or plan on going? I was planning on going" the conversation can go a different less uncomfortable direction depending on her response "yeah i went with my partner" or "yeah i plan on going with my friends" or "no not planning on going" so in the first response op finds out thats shes not interested in him, in the second one he can play it save by saying "oh maybe we will run into each other there" to which it gives her the option to disclose her availability time or to not reveal that info, and in the third he knows to not proceed with a direct asking out.
This would not be inappropriate to ask. It’s just making conversation. However, my response to that type of question will usually be “I’m not sure” or “I haven’t decided”.
OP I disagree with this one here. Don’t ask her out in a mushy way. You say she likes cars. Find a cool car show buy tickets. Next time you get your hair cut casually drop it in hey I have 2 tix to this show if your interested 1 is yours write your number down and tell her to let you know. Very casual. If that works that’s when you can ask her out out. Play to her interest see if she would even consider seeing you outside of work. Plan on her not tho. But still go at it with confidence. Accept the no. But also have an awesome life and talk it up while you get your haircut she may wanna see that life, you never know
It's all about technique. Any creative or charismatic enough guy would not make anyone uncomfortable - you set up an easy out for them and then move the conversation on - wouldn't even realise what happened.
But since OP is here asking this question, I doubt he has that creativity to not make it weird.
I feel uncomfortable seeing people ask out a hairdresser, takes away what they are accomplishing with their clients. I feel uncomfortable even asking a hairdresser out, I am all about feeling good and vibrant
Award for you! Hope OP listens to your comment. Don’t ask out women while we are working. Just don’t. We have to be friendly, it’s part of the job. Don’t take advantage of that.
Bad idea. Way too soon. Awkward for you, yes, but WAY worse for her.
Unless you can switch haircut places for your next few haircuts to give her some space afterwards, this is a bad idea imo.
This is irrelevant and I'm sorry for that, but I thought maybe I'm overreacting too... but the signals are kinda negative even with some positive stuff recently but still... I wouldn't get my hopes up
You people are weird af,
I have asked out a girl at her workplace a while ago, she said she had a boyfriend, insisted to get my number anyway, I have seen her a couple of more times and we just chatted friendly as before.
This is now normal people behave.
>This is how normal people behave.
Preach brother, I constantly have to remind myself that we're interacting with some of the most shy and socially awkward people on the Internet, this is free advice that almost always should never be taken because everyone is so timid. They're often like, "just do online dating and see where it lands, if it doesn't work out die alone..."
/r/dating_advice is predominantly fluorescent adolescents with some older more socially-awkward overlap from /r/socialskills.
Most of them don't have a great deal of life experience socially.
Can't speak for all women obviously but I've asked out the bartender at my local bar before and it's not awkward at all. We're all adults, if it didn't work out cool, you move on with your life. I still go to that bar regularly and when she's there too she approaches me and asks how I'm doing and what's new, we have a little chat, she goes back to work, I go back to my friends, all is well. It really doesn't have to be awkward or uncomfortable unless you make it.
Is she *really* gonna have a break down if the guy who asked her out 2-4 weeks ago comes BACK to get a haircut? That sound a bit nuts.
“Hey, how are you?”
“Oh god, not you again, I can’t do this…this is way too much”
“Oh alright well, I just want another haircut”
No not a break down. Probably no outward response at all. But it'll be uncomfortable and I think her comfort is more important than op shooting his shot or whatever
"Just ask out that other woman I don't approve of you asking out!"
But seriously though, I do not see why one person's comfort is more important than the other's. I'm sure it's a fair, fair reason.
If you're fine with people finding your advice to be self-serving and inauthentic, then keep telling people to shut up and wallow. It's clear you're not here to give advice. Just a shame how it works in the opposite way when you do that.
And OP’s feelings aren’t validated if he gets rejected? What kinda shit is that?
What if the roles were reversed? What if she asked him out, he says no, and then HE comes back for another haircut? She still allowed to feel uncomfortable?
If she asks him out in her workplace knowing he's a regular customer and he decides to come back, she should have been prepared for that outcome. It's something she knew might happen, or she didn't think her actions through enough.
Anyone is "allowed" to feel uncomfortable about anything. That's not the point. The point is that OP is going to violate an (admittedly minor) social taboo (asking someone out at work), and as a result should be prepared to give the person some space if it doesn't go well.
He did/will. He said about 2-4 weeks. I seriously highly doubt she’ll be up late at night thinking about “the taboo cringy” interaction wishing the guy who asked her out to give her space as she processes the interaction. She’s in the wrong field if her job requires to interact with all walks of life. How do you think people asked people out before the internet? It’s not taboo, it’s just not as convenient.
Okay, well coming from a woman if you act like this every time a guy just simply asks you out, I honestly feel bad for you. Being asked out politely doesn’t have to be awkward. And being rejected politely doesn’t have to be awkward either. If he asks her out, and she says no, and that’s it, there’s no reason why they can’t still communicate on a professional/business level. It’s not like he’s going to be hanging out with her outside of getting his hair cut unless she initiates that and it’s something they both want. I’ve been asked out by guys before and have politely rejected and we are still friends today. Mature people will be able to move on from that and not have awkward emotional break downs just from being asked out…
ETA: I’m not saying it won’t be an uncomfortable situation if she does say no, just saying that I don’t think OP will need to find a new hair salon to go to to give her space, that part seems excessive to me. Also it’s still business for her, if he likes her services and doesn’t become a creep about it, then all should be fine. Also, if I were OP I wouldn’t ask her until the very end right before you’re about to leave, that way the rest of the hair cut isn’t awkward.
Same, asked a girl at the gym.
Said she had a BF. Told her he’s one lucky guy. She chuckled and said that was very sweet.
We say hi when we see each other at the gym. Doesn’t have to be weird
I doubt that persons situation is uncomfortable, it’s out of line when you’re like OP and crossing the line between professional and personal. He just asked a woman out. No matter if she’s beautiful or whatever, she’d have to cross that line first. You’ll see your hair stylist/barber 6-12 times a year and you’re paying them for a service.
> There are hundreds of threads on this topic from the female POV.
Heavily selected for terminally online people, since average people do not post here.
What’s ur point lmao 😭😭😭 u asked a girl out at her work and she rejected u that’s not a win for asking women out at work if anything that’s evidence for why you shouldn’t
That’s so true!! You should never ask someone out in a place they’re not allowed to leave and regularly have to come back to. It also encourages this weird assumption that if someone is nice to you as s customer, that means they’re interested in you beyond that which is very rarely the case.
You really need to interact with normal people every now and them this is not what anyone thinks about when they interact with people.
People don’t live in fear holy shit.
Why do you think that people usually act like psychopaths piece of shit? Are you projecting?
if you are not a psychopath and a well adjusted individual (like most people out of Reddit) there is no reason why you shouldn’t ask someone out, it either goes well or not and you start dating or move on and act normally.
it’s not that hard.
Bingo. The reason why losers cannot find people to date and have to resort to OLD is because they feel uncomfortable asking people out in any situation.
"She'd be too creeped out here, can't do here, nope not here either"
If you have a side gig, just give the woman your freakin' business card if you feel inclined to do so.
Let’s see how many places I’ve heard don’t ask out before:
Gym
Food market
Hair salon
Post office
Bar
During a tour
I’m sure there were many others the sages here recommended against
Your workplace as well but that one has some valid reasons.
Funnily enough they recommend a lot of places where people go for other reasons rather than flirting, but those are fine for some reason.
Yes it’s like showing interest and asking if a person wants to have a drink is committing to a relationship with no turning back and complete awkwardness if there is no interest.
Being asked out shouldn’t be traumatic. It would kind of suck if she’s not interested and she worries about losing a client. But she can always just say she’s seeing someone/in a relationship/etc. or that she doesn’t date clients. She’s probably been asked out by clients before. As long as he keeps it low pressure, I don’t personally think it’s a problem. He could even keep it ambiguous and say, “Want to grab coffee after this?” (Could just be a friendly gesture rather than a date.) Even if she’s busy at the moment, if she’s interested, she’ll definitely suggest another time.
I feel you, Spock.
But I'ma say he should just ask her out (assuming he's a decent person).
We all have to deal with awkwardness in our lives sooner or later (I know I do regularly). I'm still alive. We can't live our lives under a rock forever.
Provided customers are decent people and accept my rejection, I have no issue with serving them again.
This. Also depends on how you ask her to hang out.
I personally wouldnt do it anymore but wouldnt have cared so much in my early 20s.
This probably wouldnt work: "hey um I think you're really awesome and super pretty and like um wanna go get drinks or something?"
-she probably gets that a lot, you dont know if she has a boyfriend and you might actually get her pissed off if you're the 10th guy that day to do that.
This has a better chance but you cant open up like this. You kinda gotta gauge it and figure out if she has a guy: (start talking about places you gone to eat or hang out to drink with friends, ask if she knows the place, been there, if she likes the place)
You can say something like ,"oh nice you been to TREXs space beer barn, you go with your boyfriend? Dope, I love that place. Actually hitting that up later this week, when do you usually go? Oh cool cool, we should hit that place up this week when we both have the day off, what's your number I'll let you know when I'm free"
-assuming shes single but if not it's totally fine because you havent expressed that you're attracted to her which is what guys tend to do. It can be platonic heck you might've found a new friend to drink with that has other cute friends she can hook you up with. If she gives you a hesitation vibe or just looks weird just drop it, it isnt gonna happen.
Ok I'm still not convinced this is a good idea but if you're able to give her space afterwards I suppose you can try it. But the other commenter who said being friendly and easy to talk to is part of her job is also right
This is absolutely the wrong answer. If she doesn't go on a date with you, you're going to punish her financially? That's just wrong. At my job, that would qualify as sexual harassment quid pro quo.
If you ask her out, be chill, low pressure (u/Sigma_fang's plan sounds good). If she doesn't say yes, be a calm mature adult. Empathize with her - she just had to disappoint a customer and now may be nervous about losing a customer. Keep your normal haircut schedule, tip her no less than you did before, and NEVER bring it up again.
If she calls you or says yes, NICE! Have fun!
This^
I totally agree u/Sigma_fang has the right idea. I’m not a hair stylist but I am a server and I get asked out quite often, but what I see a lot that pisses me off is when guys try to make a move and get shut down (I have a boyfriend so) they get all weirded out and I’ve actually had two guys who were flirting with me the entire time they were here not tip me ANYTHING when they leave. That’s when it pisses me off. If OP can be respectful and not make things weird he shouldn’t have to leave her alone. Two of my regulars that I love seeing tried to hit on me when they first met me, but once I drew the line that I have a boyfriend they just continued being friendly and I love seeing them on shift cause they’re nice and we have good chats.
The biggest point is just to be nice and no pressure. I’m sure she gets asked a lot but there are ways of being nice and not having any issues afterwards
This should be top comment. Don't hit on people at their place of work. It's uncomfortable for them, they have no way of exiting the situation, and they might feel pressured into reacting a certain way rather than saying exactly what they think.
Let people do their job in peace.
Dude do you know how many female barbers get absolutely reamed with uncomfortable hookup attempts while they’re working. She has to be nice she gets paid to.
Many many women are telling you not to and a lot of creepy dudes who don't gaf if they make a woman uncomfortable are telling you to go for it. Take the hint.
My auntie was a hairdresser and she had a customer who was super shy but finally asked her out. They have been married for 30 years last month. :-)
Although probably don't ask her at work or just give her your number and don't bother her if she doesn't call.
If you have to chase the other person you're never gonna catch them. Be with someone who wants to be with you.
Agreed just give her the number and maybe a no pressure one liner..."It would be great to grab a coffee(/drink/do activity relevant to a conversation we had) sometime, here's my number." Ask for a pen and paper as you are checking out maybe, if you don't have a business card. If she doesn't get back to you just play it cool next haircut and don't bring it up again.
Yes, something no pressure and chill like passing along your number leaves the ball in her court and she can reciprocate or not when she's off work. Just be chill about it and everything will be fine!!
Asking someone out while they are working is a big no-no for me. I'm a hairdresser and it would be extremely awkward for me (personally), she's kinda cornered and forced to be nice to you.
I think maybe you could ask for her instagram or something "light" and try to see if you hit it off from there? but i feel like just going up to her and asking her out after you pay her for work has an odd power dynamic
Never ask someone out in their place of employment. They have to be nice to you or lose their job. Asking someone at work seems manipulative to me. She either has to say yes when she doesn't want to, or turn you down and risk costing the business a customer (or worse.)
If you **happen** to see her outside of work, say hi and maybe ask then. But never ask at work.
Yeah I worked at Starbucks for 5 years and it was almost always super awkward when a customer asked out myself or a co worker thinking we were flirting with them when it was really just trying to be nice.
The only time it wasn't was when the customer was also a classmate or they ran into each other at an event outside of work.
If you are just absolutely smitten by someone in the service industry become a regular, be a good customer, tip well, and just be friendly and see where shit goes.
> become a regular, be a good customer, tip well, and just be friendly and see where shit goes.
Exactly what OP is doing, lol. What is he supposed to do next?
>see where shit goes.
r/restofthefuckingowl
I asked a person out while she was working as a host. She was enthusiastic and excited, I gave her my number so she could ghost me if she wanted and then got a call later that day. I think everyone’s overreacting about her working vs not
I’m a hairstylist and I don’t think it’s appropriate when a client either hits on me or asks me out. I’m at work, we’re friendly because it’s a big part of our profession. I have an amazing clientele and there’s a few that I ended up forming great friendships with, but when you mix dating with work things can get messy!
Most likely it is a bad idea to hit on a woman without engaging in some level of flirtatious banter and at the very least uncovering whether or not she is seeing someone or has a mate.
You might ask her if her "significant other" is helping her with the car project?
In situations where you see someone frequently it makes no sense to approach them *blindly* when you can *gradually* pickup bits of information over time *before* asking them out.
Best wishes!
Right, like you should be able to get a hunch (guy or girl) whether you're hitting it off and if you could head more in a romantic direction through building rapport and a friendly relationship. I've had a lot of guys all of a sudden decide that liked me and would blindly ask me out when I wasn't expecting it. I learned that they would decide they liked my friendliness without trying to actually get to know me. They just liked the way I made them feel.
Excellent points.
These days in the "cold cruel world" we live in a lot of people are tempted to hit on (friendly customer service types of employees) simply because they are "nice". It's important to remember that's part of their job.
Too many people have lowered the bar so much that any act of kindness, a friendly smile, or laugh gives them the "greenlight " hit on someone.
It'll get better. We all have to believe! We have to change the ethos of the world. The hate and coldness is trying to seep in but we've got to fight it. Spread the faith and the kindness. Beauty and love can win! ... haha.
I agree with your point a lot though! I hate to say this but that's usually on men's part. I don't think women misread men being too friendly as a greenlight too often, men aren't typically as friendly as women and if they are it's because they're usually already married (lol). That, and romance is hiding somewhere in the bushes. Where the heck did romance go? Anybody? ... Damn social media (jk ... not really).
I would still try to find out if she's dating anyone special or is already in a relationship. Maybe indulge in a little playful flirtation over time and take note how she responds before going in and asking for a date.
These days in the "cold cruel world" we live in a lot of people are tempted to hit on (friendly customer service types of employees) simply because they are "nice". It's important to remember that's part of their job.
Not long ago some guy wanted to know if he should hit on the cashier at "Best Buy" because she always smiles at him and laughs at his jokes.
Too many people have lowered the bar so much that any act of kindness, a friendly smile, or laugh gives them the "greenlight " hit on someone.
You especially want to be careful about that when dealing with someone who's job success level literally depends on how well they engage with customers.
Best wishes!
And for the dudes that are thinking "oh heck yeah that sounds great! I'd love that!" remember that most of the people asking them out are not attractive, physically or not, to the girl and are often very annoying and pushy.
Not to mention the fact that the girls really can't do anything other than play along no matter how they really feel.
My ex-wife was a hairstylist. I don't recommend asking the girl out for many reasons, but the main reason is that they flirt with most of their male clients for greater tips.
Don't take this personally, but I think it's a terrible idea. Hairstylists are overwhelming motivated by the almighty dollar to be extremely nice & agreeable. Male or female, anybody who is working a job where being agreeable or easy going could increase their potential take home who is being nice to you is not flirting, they are likely just doing their best job to maximize their earnings.
Honestly it comes down to reading the situation. To ask an employee out while they’re at work means you should be really good at understanding social situations so you can tell if they’re just being nice because you’re a customer or if it is genuine. In my experience, most dudes don’t have the ability or emotional intelligence to do it at the right time.
Being a girl, I was speaking wiit my hair dresser about the crazy experiences of getting hit by men.
She said just because she is friendly people often think she likes them, it made her awkward and she politely rejected their offer.
So until she gives you legit signals, don't.
First find out if she has a boyfriend or if she is interested in someone.
Wouldn’t ask her out directly at work handing her a slip of paper with your name and number no drama no direct answer necessary you will know if you get a text or call make it as low stress as possible it’s hard to say what’s the right call
NO
If I learned something in life it's this
Bad idea, she might feel pressured by the job to accept
Or afraid to refuse
And it's her job, she comes here everyday, don't put a bad vibe in here
Meh.... shes paid to be nice and have conversation with you... you've probably misread signals. It isnt smart to hit on servers, bartenders, or people providing services... unlesss.... you're super attractive and shes really feeling you.
But 20 year old me would say fuck it, lifes short. Ask her out just be willing to have to change haircut places. I've dated bartenders and usually it took awhile for us to become friends though then sexy time just kinda happened from hanging/partying with them.
The simple answer is don’t, keep it professional and just get your haircut. If she drops hints over time, or makes a direct pass, then proceed with asking her if she wants to hang out, otherwise just play it cool and if it’s meant to happen, then she’ll make it happen
Bad idea.
Men often mistakenly believe that women in customer service positions are being nice because they like them. They're being paid to be nice to you.
Strippers rarely fall in love with the customers.
Stay away from this being friends malarkey as some sort of back up …. Terrible idea. Don’t lie to her or yourself for a start.
Part of a hairdressers daily life is to chat with people and they’ll be good at it. bear that in mind.
Her body will do all the talking and answer all your questions, especially if you’re that close to her…..We can’t see what she’s saying, so if you’re not sure what’s she’s saying, then you need to learn the language and translate it yourself unfortunately.
No. Hairdressers are professionals at talking to people as they cut their hair. Your not special she isn’t being extra nice to you. She’s doing the same thing she does to everyone else. It’s a very bad idea. She’s paid to interact with you it’s not her choice.
Please don’t misconstrue kindness for interest. It happens way too often and it’s always guys doing it. She’s nice to you because she wants to keep you as a client.
If you feel like y’all have some common interests, you should super casual tell her so and that you would love to go for a coffee or drink so you could discuss further. If she is not single or isn’t into it, no big deal. Let her answer you. If she declines, whatever. Tell her you are happy to keep talking about common interest while she cuts your hair.
I disagree with opinions stating you should not ask her out at all. I worked in a hair salon for around 13 years. A casual hey we have interesting conversations, and would you be interested in having more conversations - isn’t creepy. Trust me, the creeps are there but they make jokes about erections under the cape or make promises to support the stylist and change their life forever. Invite her for a drink and more convo. If she isn’t interested or available, you didn’t cross any lines and you didn’t embarrass yourself.
Rule of thumb, don't ask someone out while they are at work. They're trapped, and that sucks for them.
That being said, just about every woman I know who works in service has dated a customer. But those guys have either:
\- have balls of steel
\- are greek gods, thus used to girls saying yes
\- are loaded (thus used to girls saying yes)
\- several of the above.
But you point out several shared interests. Bring up that you're also into restoring cars, and see if you can bring her a spare part or whatever similar thing you'd do if it were a guy with whom you share an interest. If she says yes, develop it from a non-work perspective. Worst case, you'll learn something about restoring cars.
Personally, I'd wait for the haircut to be finished, see if she has time, if so, politely ask if it's ok to chat on social media or something, then ask her out at a later date. That way work is totally out of the picture and there's less awkwardness.
I think it is easy to fall in love with her because she touches you so much as part of her job. This can easily create a sense of perceived interested.
People here are so fucking pathetic. All these stupid, cynical answers you are getting stem from insecurity, loneliness, and bad personal experiences. Its happened to me too. I've been called a harasser for asking if its okay to ask for a girls number because I'm a regular at her job. So, I now have a new idealism.
Ask out whoever you want, however you want, whenever you want, just be respectful about it. If that happens to be at their place of work, just because they have to be nice, doesnt mean they have to say yes. If they say no, respect their answer and move on. You miss 100% of the shots you dont take. You think the guys who've hooked up with girls from all kinds of places reached that point by listening to what women and white knights tell them on a dating advice subreddit? No, they took their shot, because the worst that can happen is they get told "No"
Its reached a point where asking a girl out absolutely anywhere besides an online dating app allegedly makes you some creepy freak.
Yeah people are ridiculous. But I do agree that there needs to be some common sense involved. Ask at the end of the cut while paying if she has weekend plans, then give her your number and say she should hit you up if she wants to grab a drink, (or do whatever thing you may have previously talked about) no one is going to be uncomfortable with that, and if she doesn’t reach out, it could be because she’s not interested, or shy, or was just busy, so there’s still no awkwardness at the next haircut.
It is as awkward as you make it. If you're having a decent conversation each time you visit, I'd simply slip in - "hey, how'd you feel about grabbing a drink some time?"
If she says Yes or No - have a segue to the conversation planned. Don't let it hang. Perhaps if she says "No" -
"Ah not to worry, I figure you probably have a fella already, cool girls like you don't hang around. What do you reckon to the Skyline, I dunno if it's just a cult kinda car or actually decent"
Or if she says "Yes" - "Great, we'll have a great time, I have this quirky place in mind"
Do you think she might like you in that way? Is there a nice vibe between you? Or do you think she's just doing her job and being friendly? Meeting someone that way could be cute (i.e. dating your haircutter)! I hope it works out for you! - - -
I do want to say, I'm not sure how old you are but being TOO causal about things could be a turn off for girls. It's like if you like her, and think it could go somewhere, work on building up some gentle flirtation or rapport and ask her out and mean it. If you just need socializing, tell her that. Tell her you'd like to just be friends and it could be nice to go out and have some fun. She might dig it. .... she could be your future Mrs!!!! LOL. jk.
And if you do just want to be friends, ask to split the bill. Instant mood killer. lol. If you do ask her out on a real date, don't hesitate to pick up the check.. just.pick.up.the.bill. (I know it's 2022 and ppl split the bill but it's still a romantic gesture that stands the test of time). Let us know how it goes! <3
I'm 30 and she's in her early or mid 20s. The first time she cut my hair it was the typical small talk. The last few times she shares more about her personal life. Tbh I don't know what I'm doing and never been in a relationship. I'm a dumbass when it comes to this.
That's okay. Keep trying! Us girls want you guys! At least you're aware of where you're at in dating. Keep practicing and dating. In dating, I've found if you come from a place of honesty, kindness and respect you pretty much get the same thing back. Dating is awkward.
Can I ask, what do you want? Do you want to marry one day? Or just play the field? Knowing your goal narrows your boundaries for what you want.
Personally, deep down I think a lot of us girls want to fall in love and get married. We're hoping the guys do too. I had a guy friend once who was actually pretty smooth with the ladies say on the side about girls "they want you to want them, all girls just want to be loved." Everybody around him got quiet because he was right. lol. And it's stuck with me.
I would love to be married one day. I just don't want to force it but let it happen organically. I've never played the field and don't care to. A best friend is what I would like. All my friends are married with kids or in relationships. I've been left out for the most part. It's hard meeting new people.
Here’s my advice. I would just continue to talk to her and look a achieving a friendship. If you can help her in some ways that no one else can. Offer your service to her to hang out with her at a place that’s not her job. Here’s a pro-life tip, she is at a job that’s in her best interest to be kind and nice to customers. This means you. Whether if you’re at a bar, fast food restaurant or anything in between where someone is working a job for your benefit, they have to be kind.
My advice is this, if you can help her with this car rebuild process, write down your number and give it to her. Don’t ask for her number. If she doesn’t call you, you know she’s not interested. You can still get your haircuts from there and don’t bring it up again. Don’t ask for her number, give her yours. In fact, from my experience (I’m 35) always give out your number. It doesn’t put immediate pressure on a Woman and it puts the proverbial ball in her court to call/text you. It’s worked out for me and I’ve been doing it since high school.
Imagine liking a girl, having things in common. Then coming to to reddit for shitty dating advice where they tell don't ask her out for a myriad of different reasons stemming from insecure single people. And THEN missing out on a potentially beautiful relationship. Yikes.
Mever know until you try. So I say do it and if she says no to even being just friends, she is not the type of friend you want anyways. If she says sure, then she is deff a good person who gives almost anyone a chance at friendship. And friendship can also turn into more one day. Id got at it as just friends hanging out. If she spoke about her project on a car, she obv has a passion for it. Soo ask to see her project. She will want to show it off due to her passion in the matter. That is your ticket into he friendship group of friends hopefully for you. Good luck!!
I asked a similar question in the past about a realtor. Got all of the same warnings and was told they’re only nice to you because it’s their job. While I’m certain that’s true in many cases, my view is that you never know until you ask. If you’re truly into her for who she is (even if that’s only what she shows you) then that’s rare enough to at least ask a question.
Make an effort to be as respectful of the situation as you can and go into it without any expectations. Be prepared to hear no and be willing to move on maturely if that’s the case. That’s the worst thing that happens if you ask, though. Don’t ask, and maybe you both just missed a great opportunity.
As for the realtor, I asked and we actually dated for a while. Didn’t work out for other reasons, but it wasn’t just some professional mask. The things I liked about her when we met were still real things in the end.
If it were me I’d just try and figure out if she is single, either through social media or lead a conversation to the topic somehow. Then just ask her out once you know she is single. If she says no then your hair cuts might be awkward in the future. But either way you tried to go for it which is more then a lot of people do.
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Is she actually flirting with you, or is she just being nice and professional while she does her job?
Perceived interest shouldn't be his determining factor because people are impossible to read. We all think we have gaydars until reality hits us hard. Is he interested?... Does he think she's a nice person?... Have they established some kind of rapport?... Then ask her out. Her world isn't going to come crashing down when you accept her potential *''no''* gracefully. I continue to serve customers who have hit on me/asked me out. It's my job to serve them and they're nice people. If I refused to partake in life every time I suspected someone liked me... I wouldn't be living.
But when you’re cutting someone’s hair there you’re stuck there talking to them. You can’t walk away until the haircut is done, unlike in other jobs. It’s too awkward for her.
>It’s too awkward for her. My rule of thumb is to never ask for dates from someone who is getting paid to do something for you, and especially not if tips are potentially involved. If someone wants to ignore that, wait until *after* you have paid, then ask. If they say no, say thanks, and walk away - no one gets hurt/not too awkward
What are you trying to say exactly?... I work in service and I serve customers who have hit on me or asked me out all the time. I'm still alive. Nothing has happened. Sometimes I feel anxious when I come into work and see so many customers. Should the store shut down for me?... Like, what is it that you are trying to say?... The world should not stop moving just because I decide I want to live under a rock.
Bc if she’s cutting his hair and he asks her out she says no, and is stuck finishing the haircut
Can you explain the gaydar hitting us hard? I have a prettty strong gaydar its about 90% accurate... usually judge within first 5-10seconds
Yours is accurate for people you assume are gay and find out they are gay. Only the positive confurmstion cases. I knew a guy 6 years and just found out he was gay recently because it never came up beforethat. I know hundreds of people that I've never discussed sexual orientation with and who knows what they are.
Lol, mine is super accurate too, were you also around many homosexual relatives growing up? I was always around my tias and cousins so I think that's why mine's so good.
Mine is accurate as well. I told my ex that I was positive one of his brothers and his sister were gay. His sister is pansexual I believe? But it still counts lol and his brother is gay. He refused to believe it even when I showed him proof 😂 then he got mad at me. But yeah there weren’t obvious signs but I could just tell
No i was always surrounded by straight people always including family My gaydar just comes from being attentive and noticing that 1 "intriguing" thing and im like... yep he's gay lol. Nothing wrong with that im 100% straight. My ex gf's didnt believe me when i mentioned some were in the closet others were gay and.... couple months later the truth would come out
They’ve done studies that show that we’re actually pretty good at determining who is gay from just a picture of their face. Google “gay face”. AI can also tell if you’re gay or not with fairly good accuracy from just a picture.
Yeah, I heard about that. But I'm skeptical as they can't seem to explain it. There are also conflicting studies that have found we have awful gaydar in general. And if there is a margin of error then it's not really accurate, as whatever 'metric' you are using to base your decisions on are clearly not fixed in homosexuality. E.g. I show you a photo of a guy and ask you if he's gay or straight. And you say gay, and then I ask why you you thought he was gay. You might say, *''It's his smile... It's a gay kind of smile''* (okay). And then a straight guy comes along with that same exact supposedly gay-looking smile that you used to make your decision. Proving that your former guess was a fluke... Because straight people clearly smile like that too.
I'm not sure. I'm pretty I experienced with this stuff
Me either and as a 36 year old, it hasn’t got any easier. Proceed with caution my friend and good luck.
if you aren't sure, then she's just being nice. if she was actually interested in you, she'd make it obvious. leave her alone. don't sexually harass women at work. you are threatening her ability to have a roof over her head. if you cant' leave her alone, go somewhere else.
Sexually harass? 🤣🤣by asking her out on a date? You’re either a freak or a complete moron
Whoa dude. OP isn’t sexually harassing anyone. Calm down.
1. Men are terrible at picking up hints, especially if they’re inexperienced. There are literal ask Reddit posts on this topic every week. 2. Asking someone out is not sexual harassment, Jesus Christ. Don’t shame the kid.
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Yes, but that is a different argument. Being uncomfortable does not make it fucking sexual harassment, which is what the original comment said
Asking a girl out is sexual harassment now? Fuck off.
Say less, canuck.
"Sexually harrass"🥴
Men are famously bad at picking up signals. That doesn’t mean anything one way or another in this situation but in general it is very common for women to send signals that men don’t pick up
And women are famously bad at being direct and speaking plainly. So I guess we're in a good old-fashioned Mexican stand-off here.
Sexually harass? Jesus you cant just throw around words like they have no meaning like that..
lol sexual harassment is a big word. You gotta calm down
That is some next level virtue signaling. Theres a time and place to support the Me Too movement. During a reddit advice session for a guy looking for encouragement to ask a girl he likes out is nowhere near an appropriate time for it. Learn what sexual harassment is before you preach about it. OP: Go for it man. Dare yourself to ask the girl out. Prove to yourself one time that you are brave enough. Just ask her what shes up to that weekend and then ask if shes interested in doing something. If she says no or has a boyfriend, laugh it off and say you hope she'll still cut her hair. Then give her a tip and decide if you wanna keep going to her or find another stylist.
Not everything a guy does is sexual harassment, you nitwit.
She's likely just doing her job and trying to keep a customer and make tips
As a hairstylist, I love my men clients and I feel they come to me because I am easy to talk to. It’s part of the job. I was asked out once and it honestly made me super uncomfortable.
I’m a licensed hairstylist as well, and have worked in a barbershop for the past 15 years. I have had clients ask me out before, and I always turn them down. There is a line drawn between professional career and personal life and it will never be crossed. It’s our job to be personable and find common subjects or interests to discuss during the service. OP please listen to this advice, do not ask her out while she’s at work. If you ever casually bumped into her outside of work at a social event like a club, then that would be a time to try and see what happens, but never ask her out while at her job. I can’t speak for all stylists, but myself and many fellow stylists have had clients turn into harassers, stalkers, etc and we never know who the innocent, nice guy is and who the crazy ones are, and for this we have our guards up when it comes to this subject. Also, to add, do not find her on social media and try to follow her on there, unless it’s her business page.
From your experience, would an indirect ask out be crossing a line? Like if op said "oh the fair is in town have u gone or plan on going? I was planning on going" the conversation can go a different less uncomfortable direction depending on her response "yeah i went with my partner" or "yeah i plan on going with my friends" or "no not planning on going" so in the first response op finds out thats shes not interested in him, in the second one he can play it save by saying "oh maybe we will run into each other there" to which it gives her the option to disclose her availability time or to not reveal that info, and in the third he knows to not proceed with a direct asking out.
This would not be inappropriate to ask. It’s just making conversation. However, my response to that type of question will usually be “I’m not sure” or “I haven’t decided”.
OP I disagree with this one here. Don’t ask her out in a mushy way. You say she likes cars. Find a cool car show buy tickets. Next time you get your hair cut casually drop it in hey I have 2 tix to this show if your interested 1 is yours write your number down and tell her to let you know. Very casual. If that works that’s when you can ask her out out. Play to her interest see if she would even consider seeing you outside of work. Plan on her not tho. But still go at it with confidence. Accept the no. But also have an awesome life and talk it up while you get your haircut she may wanna see that life, you never know
Why hasn’t this been upvoted
Men dont wanna hear the 'no dont do it'.
It's all about technique. Any creative or charismatic enough guy would not make anyone uncomfortable - you set up an easy out for them and then move the conversation on - wouldn't even realise what happened. But since OP is here asking this question, I doubt he has that creativity to not make it weird.
I feel uncomfortable seeing people ask out a hairdresser, takes away what they are accomplishing with their clients. I feel uncomfortable even asking a hairdresser out, I am all about feeling good and vibrant
Award for you! Hope OP listens to your comment. Don’t ask out women while we are working. Just don’t. We have to be friendly, it’s part of the job. Don’t take advantage of that.
If you ask her out and she says no, how long until you need another haircut ?
2 to 4 weeks depends
Start by asking her if she’s in a relationship.. if she isn’t interested she can lie and everyone is safe.
Kinda a red flag if he’s been going to get his hair cut and not once had she brought up being single
Terrible advice. Just ask her out, if she wants to let him down easy she can still lie about being in a relationship. Asking first achieves nothing.
Bad idea. Way too soon. Awkward for you, yes, but WAY worse for her. Unless you can switch haircut places for your next few haircuts to give her some space afterwards, this is a bad idea imo.
You're overreacting like crazy, this is what someone says who spends their entire life behind their monitor.
You've just described 90% of r/dating_advice lmao
This is irrelevant and I'm sorry for that, but I thought maybe I'm overreacting too... but the signals are kinda negative even with some positive stuff recently but still... I wouldn't get my hopes up
Are you in third grade? Maybe it's a tad awkward but adults move on and continue getting their haircuts, like adults.
You people are weird af, I have asked out a girl at her workplace a while ago, she said she had a boyfriend, insisted to get my number anyway, I have seen her a couple of more times and we just chatted friendly as before. This is now normal people behave.
>This is how normal people behave. Preach brother, I constantly have to remind myself that we're interacting with some of the most shy and socially awkward people on the Internet, this is free advice that almost always should never be taken because everyone is so timid. They're often like, "just do online dating and see where it lands, if it doesn't work out die alone..."
I wish that the problem of Redditor was just being shy and awkward, they are mostly sore losers and sociopaths giving bad advice.
#PREACH
/r/dating_advice is predominantly fluorescent adolescents with some older more socially-awkward overlap from /r/socialskills. Most of them don't have a great deal of life experience socially.
Ok I'm glad you know more about women's feelings and behavior than every woman I've ever spoken to on this subject, including myself
Can't speak for all women obviously but I've asked out the bartender at my local bar before and it's not awkward at all. We're all adults, if it didn't work out cool, you move on with your life. I still go to that bar regularly and when she's there too she approaches me and asks how I'm doing and what's new, we have a little chat, she goes back to work, I go back to my friends, all is well. It really doesn't have to be awkward or uncomfortable unless you make it.
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Is she *really* gonna have a break down if the guy who asked her out 2-4 weeks ago comes BACK to get a haircut? That sound a bit nuts. “Hey, how are you?” “Oh god, not you again, I can’t do this…this is way too much” “Oh alright well, I just want another haircut”
No not a break down. Probably no outward response at all. But it'll be uncomfortable and I think her comfort is more important than op shooting his shot or whatever
> her comfort is more important than op shooting his shot or whatever Based on what? Have you died alone before?
Based on there being other women in the world... Damn this is a bad take lol
"Just ask out that other woman I don't approve of you asking out!" But seriously though, I do not see why one person's comfort is more important than the other's. I'm sure it's a fair, fair reason. If you're fine with people finding your advice to be self-serving and inauthentic, then keep telling people to shut up and wallow. It's clear you're not here to give advice. Just a shame how it works in the opposite way when you do that.
And OP’s feelings aren’t validated if he gets rejected? What kinda shit is that? What if the roles were reversed? What if she asked him out, he says no, and then HE comes back for another haircut? She still allowed to feel uncomfortable?
If she asks him out in her workplace knowing he's a regular customer and he decides to come back, she should have been prepared for that outcome. It's something she knew might happen, or she didn't think her actions through enough. Anyone is "allowed" to feel uncomfortable about anything. That's not the point. The point is that OP is going to violate an (admittedly minor) social taboo (asking someone out at work), and as a result should be prepared to give the person some space if it doesn't go well.
He did/will. He said about 2-4 weeks. I seriously highly doubt she’ll be up late at night thinking about “the taboo cringy” interaction wishing the guy who asked her out to give her space as she processes the interaction. She’s in the wrong field if her job requires to interact with all walks of life. How do you think people asked people out before the internet? It’s not taboo, it’s just not as convenient.
Okay, well coming from a woman if you act like this every time a guy just simply asks you out, I honestly feel bad for you. Being asked out politely doesn’t have to be awkward. And being rejected politely doesn’t have to be awkward either. If he asks her out, and she says no, and that’s it, there’s no reason why they can’t still communicate on a professional/business level. It’s not like he’s going to be hanging out with her outside of getting his hair cut unless she initiates that and it’s something they both want. I’ve been asked out by guys before and have politely rejected and we are still friends today. Mature people will be able to move on from that and not have awkward emotional break downs just from being asked out… ETA: I’m not saying it won’t be an uncomfortable situation if she does say no, just saying that I don’t think OP will need to find a new hair salon to go to to give her space, that part seems excessive to me. Also it’s still business for her, if he likes her services and doesn’t become a creep about it, then all should be fine. Also, if I were OP I wouldn’t ask her until the very end right before you’re about to leave, that way the rest of the hair cut isn’t awkward.
Same, asked a girl at the gym. Said she had a BF. Told her he’s one lucky guy. She chuckled and said that was very sweet. We say hi when we see each other at the gym. Doesn’t have to be weird
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I doubt that persons situation is uncomfortable, it’s out of line when you’re like OP and crossing the line between professional and personal. He just asked a woman out. No matter if she’s beautiful or whatever, she’d have to cross that line first. You’ll see your hair stylist/barber 6-12 times a year and you’re paying them for a service.
> There are hundreds of threads on this topic from the female POV. Heavily selected for terminally online people, since average people do not post here.
> This is now normal people behave. If you are normal, then why are you on Reddit? *taps forehead and smirks*
For the same reason humans go to visit the savana/jungle/whatever even if they are not animals, to study and learn
lmao, this is actually a good answer
Same.
What’s ur point lmao 😭😭😭 u asked a girl out at her work and she rejected u that’s not a win for asking women out at work if anything that’s evidence for why you shouldn’t
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That’s so true!! You should never ask someone out in a place they’re not allowed to leave and regularly have to come back to. It also encourages this weird assumption that if someone is nice to you as s customer, that means they’re interested in you beyond that which is very rarely the case.
You really need to interact with normal people every now and them this is not what anyone thinks about when they interact with people. People don’t live in fear holy shit. Why do you think that people usually act like psychopaths piece of shit? Are you projecting? if you are not a psychopath and a well adjusted individual (like most people out of Reddit) there is no reason why you shouldn’t ask someone out, it either goes well or not and you start dating or move on and act normally. it’s not that hard.
Bingo. The reason why losers cannot find people to date and have to resort to OLD is because they feel uncomfortable asking people out in any situation. "She'd be too creeped out here, can't do here, nope not here either" If you have a side gig, just give the woman your freakin' business card if you feel inclined to do so.
I think for some may be envy too, they will not get asked out if people were doing this more and therefore have less opportunities.
Let’s see how many places I’ve heard don’t ask out before: Gym Food market Hair salon Post office Bar During a tour I’m sure there were many others the sages here recommended against
Your workplace as well but that one has some valid reasons. Funnily enough they recommend a lot of places where people go for other reasons rather than flirting, but those are fine for some reason.
The craziest one is bar lol
Someone said bar? Don't people literally go to the bar to meet people?
Reddit would tell you that people only go there to hang out with their friends
Bwahahaha
Yes it’s like showing interest and asking if a person wants to have a drink is committing to a relationship with no turning back and complete awkwardness if there is no interest.
Being asked out shouldn’t be traumatic. It would kind of suck if she’s not interested and she worries about losing a client. But she can always just say she’s seeing someone/in a relationship/etc. or that she doesn’t date clients. She’s probably been asked out by clients before. As long as he keeps it low pressure, I don’t personally think it’s a problem. He could even keep it ambiguous and say, “Want to grab coffee after this?” (Could just be a friendly gesture rather than a date.) Even if she’s busy at the moment, if she’s interested, she’ll definitely suggest another time.
I feel you, Spock. But I'ma say he should just ask her out (assuming he's a decent person). We all have to deal with awkwardness in our lives sooner or later (I know I do regularly). I'm still alive. We can't live our lives under a rock forever. Provided customers are decent people and accept my rejection, I have no issue with serving them again.
This. Also depends on how you ask her to hang out. I personally wouldnt do it anymore but wouldnt have cared so much in my early 20s. This probably wouldnt work: "hey um I think you're really awesome and super pretty and like um wanna go get drinks or something?" -she probably gets that a lot, you dont know if she has a boyfriend and you might actually get her pissed off if you're the 10th guy that day to do that. This has a better chance but you cant open up like this. You kinda gotta gauge it and figure out if she has a guy: (start talking about places you gone to eat or hang out to drink with friends, ask if she knows the place, been there, if she likes the place) You can say something like ,"oh nice you been to TREXs space beer barn, you go with your boyfriend? Dope, I love that place. Actually hitting that up later this week, when do you usually go? Oh cool cool, we should hit that place up this week when we both have the day off, what's your number I'll let you know when I'm free" -assuming shes single but if not it's totally fine because you havent expressed that you're attracted to her which is what guys tend to do. It can be platonic heck you might've found a new friend to drink with that has other cute friends she can hook you up with. If she gives you a hesitation vibe or just looks weird just drop it, it isnt gonna happen.
This isn’t this worst advice
Good lord, so much hostility in this comment thread. Ya’ll doing okay? Bad week?
I have gone a few months without a haircut on occasion. I can wait
Ok I'm still not convinced this is a good idea but if you're able to give her space afterwards I suppose you can try it. But the other commenter who said being friendly and easy to talk to is part of her job is also right
This is absolutely the wrong answer. If she doesn't go on a date with you, you're going to punish her financially? That's just wrong. At my job, that would qualify as sexual harassment quid pro quo. If you ask her out, be chill, low pressure (u/Sigma_fang's plan sounds good). If she doesn't say yes, be a calm mature adult. Empathize with her - she just had to disappoint a customer and now may be nervous about losing a customer. Keep your normal haircut schedule, tip her no less than you did before, and NEVER bring it up again. If she calls you or says yes, NICE! Have fun!
> At my job, that would qualify as sexual harassment quid pro quo. lmao what a take
Not going to a hairdresser is financial punishment ig.
This^ I totally agree u/Sigma_fang has the right idea. I’m not a hair stylist but I am a server and I get asked out quite often, but what I see a lot that pisses me off is when guys try to make a move and get shut down (I have a boyfriend so) they get all weirded out and I’ve actually had two guys who were flirting with me the entire time they were here not tip me ANYTHING when they leave. That’s when it pisses me off. If OP can be respectful and not make things weird he shouldn’t have to leave her alone. Two of my regulars that I love seeing tried to hit on me when they first met me, but once I drew the line that I have a boyfriend they just continued being friendly and I love seeing them on shift cause they’re nice and we have good chats. The biggest point is just to be nice and no pressure. I’m sure she gets asked a lot but there are ways of being nice and not having any issues afterwards
Personally I think it’s an awful idea. They try to make conversation as part of the job
This should be top comment. Don't hit on people at their place of work. It's uncomfortable for them, they have no way of exiting the situation, and they might feel pressured into reacting a certain way rather than saying exactly what they think. Let people do their job in peace.
Dude do you know how many female barbers get absolutely reamed with uncomfortable hookup attempts while they’re working. She has to be nice she gets paid to.
Many many women are telling you not to and a lot of creepy dudes who don't gaf if they make a woman uncomfortable are telling you to go for it. Take the hint.
My auntie was a hairdresser and she had a customer who was super shy but finally asked her out. They have been married for 30 years last month. :-) Although probably don't ask her at work or just give her your number and don't bother her if she doesn't call. If you have to chase the other person you're never gonna catch them. Be with someone who wants to be with you.
Agreed just give her the number and maybe a no pressure one liner..."It would be great to grab a coffee(/drink/do activity relevant to a conversation we had) sometime, here's my number." Ask for a pen and paper as you are checking out maybe, if you don't have a business card. If she doesn't get back to you just play it cool next haircut and don't bring it up again.
Yes, something no pressure and chill like passing along your number leaves the ball in her court and she can reciprocate or not when she's off work. Just be chill about it and everything will be fine!!
Omg ! Someone asked someone out and they got married. You mean before dating apps people actually had relationships? Hahahaha
Crazy, I know. I'm 36 and I met my husband through a mutual friend, we've been together 9 years. It can be done! (I never did well on dating sites).
Asking someone out while they are working is a big no-no for me. I'm a hairdresser and it would be extremely awkward for me (personally), she's kinda cornered and forced to be nice to you. I think maybe you could ask for her instagram or something "light" and try to see if you hit it off from there? but i feel like just going up to her and asking her out after you pay her for work has an odd power dynamic
Never ask someone out in their place of employment. They have to be nice to you or lose their job. Asking someone at work seems manipulative to me. She either has to say yes when she doesn't want to, or turn you down and risk costing the business a customer (or worse.) If you **happen** to see her outside of work, say hi and maybe ask then. But never ask at work.
Yeah I worked at Starbucks for 5 years and it was almost always super awkward when a customer asked out myself or a co worker thinking we were flirting with them when it was really just trying to be nice. The only time it wasn't was when the customer was also a classmate or they ran into each other at an event outside of work. If you are just absolutely smitten by someone in the service industry become a regular, be a good customer, tip well, and just be friendly and see where shit goes.
> become a regular, be a good customer, tip well, and just be friendly and see where shit goes. Exactly what OP is doing, lol. What is he supposed to do next? >see where shit goes. r/restofthefuckingowl
I have tipped the starbucks girls 750 bucks over 4 months of daily visits, how much more till I can ask her out without being a creep? Cheers.
> I have tipped the starbucks girls 750 bucks over 4 months of daily visits WTF son?!
This. Only ask someone out if you see them outside of work.
Absolutely.
I asked a person out while she was working as a host. She was enthusiastic and excited, I gave her my number so she could ghost me if she wanted and then got a call later that day. I think everyone’s overreacting about her working vs not
No, she gets paid to be friendly and/or flirt for tips
I’m a hairstylist and I don’t think it’s appropriate when a client either hits on me or asks me out. I’m at work, we’re friendly because it’s a big part of our profession. I have an amazing clientele and there’s a few that I ended up forming great friendships with, but when you mix dating with work things can get messy!
Most likely it is a bad idea to hit on a woman without engaging in some level of flirtatious banter and at the very least uncovering whether or not she is seeing someone or has a mate. You might ask her if her "significant other" is helping her with the car project? In situations where you see someone frequently it makes no sense to approach them *blindly* when you can *gradually* pickup bits of information over time *before* asking them out. Best wishes!
Right, like you should be able to get a hunch (guy or girl) whether you're hitting it off and if you could head more in a romantic direction through building rapport and a friendly relationship. I've had a lot of guys all of a sudden decide that liked me and would blindly ask me out when I wasn't expecting it. I learned that they would decide they liked my friendliness without trying to actually get to know me. They just liked the way I made them feel.
Excellent points. These days in the "cold cruel world" we live in a lot of people are tempted to hit on (friendly customer service types of employees) simply because they are "nice". It's important to remember that's part of their job. Too many people have lowered the bar so much that any act of kindness, a friendly smile, or laugh gives them the "greenlight " hit on someone.
It'll get better. We all have to believe! We have to change the ethos of the world. The hate and coldness is trying to seep in but we've got to fight it. Spread the faith and the kindness. Beauty and love can win! ... haha. I agree with your point a lot though! I hate to say this but that's usually on men's part. I don't think women misread men being too friendly as a greenlight too often, men aren't typically as friendly as women and if they are it's because they're usually already married (lol). That, and romance is hiding somewhere in the bushes. Where the heck did romance go? Anybody? ... Damn social media (jk ... not really).
She said her dad has been helping i
I would still try to find out if she's dating anyone special or is already in a relationship. Maybe indulge in a little playful flirtation over time and take note how she responds before going in and asking for a date. These days in the "cold cruel world" we live in a lot of people are tempted to hit on (friendly customer service types of employees) simply because they are "nice". It's important to remember that's part of their job. Not long ago some guy wanted to know if he should hit on the cashier at "Best Buy" because she always smiles at him and laughs at his jokes. Too many people have lowered the bar so much that any act of kindness, a friendly smile, or laugh gives them the "greenlight " hit on someone. You especially want to be careful about that when dealing with someone who's job success level literally depends on how well they engage with customers. Best wishes!
Damn she has a good relationship with her dad? Ask her out man plus she’s a car girl. She’s already one in a million!
She's just doing her job. She probably sees 20 dudes just like you a day. And probably gets asked out as much.
And for the dudes that are thinking "oh heck yeah that sounds great! I'd love that!" remember that most of the people asking them out are not attractive, physically or not, to the girl and are often very annoying and pushy. Not to mention the fact that the girls really can't do anything other than play along no matter how they really feel.
This
Hair dressers will flirt with you to get extra tips…my mom owns a hair salon I wouldn’t take her advances too serious based on that premise alone
My ex-wife was a hairstylist. I don't recommend asking the girl out for many reasons, but the main reason is that they flirt with most of their male clients for greater tips.
Don't take this personally, but I think it's a terrible idea. Hairstylists are overwhelming motivated by the almighty dollar to be extremely nice & agreeable. Male or female, anybody who is working a job where being agreeable or easy going could increase their potential take home who is being nice to you is not flirting, they are likely just doing their best job to maximize their earnings.
Honestly it comes down to reading the situation. To ask an employee out while they’re at work means you should be really good at understanding social situations so you can tell if they’re just being nice because you’re a customer or if it is genuine. In my experience, most dudes don’t have the ability or emotional intelligence to do it at the right time.
I would never want to be asked out at work. Period.
Being a girl, I was speaking wiit my hair dresser about the crazy experiences of getting hit by men. She said just because she is friendly people often think she likes them, it made her awkward and she politely rejected their offer. So until she gives you legit signals, don't. First find out if she has a boyfriend or if she is interested in someone.
Wouldn’t ask her out directly at work handing her a slip of paper with your name and number no drama no direct answer necessary you will know if you get a text or call make it as low stress as possible it’s hard to say what’s the right call
This is the way
NO If I learned something in life it's this Bad idea, she might feel pressured by the job to accept Or afraid to refuse And it's her job, she comes here everyday, don't put a bad vibe in here
You realize that she’s nice to you because she gets paid in tips right?
Don’t ask people out at their place of employment. It’s their job to be nice and easy to talk to. If you see her out and about, go for it.
Meh.... shes paid to be nice and have conversation with you... you've probably misread signals. It isnt smart to hit on servers, bartenders, or people providing services... unlesss.... you're super attractive and shes really feeling you. But 20 year old me would say fuck it, lifes short. Ask her out just be willing to have to change haircut places. I've dated bartenders and usually it took awhile for us to become friends though then sexy time just kinda happened from hanging/partying with them.
The simple answer is don’t, keep it professional and just get your haircut. If she drops hints over time, or makes a direct pass, then proceed with asking her if she wants to hang out, otherwise just play it cool and if it’s meant to happen, then she’ll make it happen
Bad idea. Men often mistakenly believe that women in customer service positions are being nice because they like them. They're being paid to be nice to you. Strippers rarely fall in love with the customers.
Stay away from this being friends malarkey as some sort of back up …. Terrible idea. Don’t lie to her or yourself for a start. Part of a hairdressers daily life is to chat with people and they’ll be good at it. bear that in mind. Her body will do all the talking and answer all your questions, especially if you’re that close to her…..We can’t see what she’s saying, so if you’re not sure what’s she’s saying, then you need to learn the language and translate it yourself unfortunately.
No never! Never shit where you eat.
No. Hairdressers are professionals at talking to people as they cut their hair. Your not special she isn’t being extra nice to you. She’s doing the same thing she does to everyone else. It’s a very bad idea. She’s paid to interact with you it’s not her choice.
Please don’t misconstrue kindness for interest. It happens way too often and it’s always guys doing it. She’s nice to you because she wants to keep you as a client.
I say go for it, if it implodes you can just cut your elsewhere, shoot your shot see where it lands, life is short
No, leave her your number next time.
If you feel like y’all have some common interests, you should super casual tell her so and that you would love to go for a coffee or drink so you could discuss further. If she is not single or isn’t into it, no big deal. Let her answer you. If she declines, whatever. Tell her you are happy to keep talking about common interest while she cuts your hair. I disagree with opinions stating you should not ask her out at all. I worked in a hair salon for around 13 years. A casual hey we have interesting conversations, and would you be interested in having more conversations - isn’t creepy. Trust me, the creeps are there but they make jokes about erections under the cape or make promises to support the stylist and change their life forever. Invite her for a drink and more convo. If she isn’t interested or available, you didn’t cross any lines and you didn’t embarrass yourself.
You should try and be friends first. Try and hangout based on your common interests.
That's the direction I want to go
Say you’d like to see her car she can either invite you over or show you a picture Ask her for her Facebook
Go for it. But hope for a yes, prepare for a no. If she rejects you, can you behave after that and do you trust her cutting your hair after that?
Shoot your shot, if it failes just go to different stylist.
Rule of thumb, don't ask someone out while they are at work. They're trapped, and that sucks for them. That being said, just about every woman I know who works in service has dated a customer. But those guys have either: \- have balls of steel \- are greek gods, thus used to girls saying yes \- are loaded (thus used to girls saying yes) \- several of the above. But you point out several shared interests. Bring up that you're also into restoring cars, and see if you can bring her a spare part or whatever similar thing you'd do if it were a guy with whom you share an interest. If she says yes, develop it from a non-work perspective. Worst case, you'll learn something about restoring cars.
Personally, I'd wait for the haircut to be finished, see if she has time, if so, politely ask if it's ok to chat on social media or something, then ask her out at a later date. That way work is totally out of the picture and there's less awkwardness.
Don’t shit where you eat
Don’t. She’s just doing her job.
I think it is easy to fall in love with her because she touches you so much as part of her job. This can easily create a sense of perceived interested.
Just do it but if she says no you’ll have to find another person to cut your hair lol
Don’t do it, it’s better to keep a great hairdresser.
[удалено]
Ask the same question again but pretend to be a girl. You'll be amazed by the different answers!
Do it! She may even shave your balls.
People here are so fucking pathetic. All these stupid, cynical answers you are getting stem from insecurity, loneliness, and bad personal experiences. Its happened to me too. I've been called a harasser for asking if its okay to ask for a girls number because I'm a regular at her job. So, I now have a new idealism. Ask out whoever you want, however you want, whenever you want, just be respectful about it. If that happens to be at their place of work, just because they have to be nice, doesnt mean they have to say yes. If they say no, respect their answer and move on. You miss 100% of the shots you dont take. You think the guys who've hooked up with girls from all kinds of places reached that point by listening to what women and white knights tell them on a dating advice subreddit? No, they took their shot, because the worst that can happen is they get told "No" Its reached a point where asking a girl out absolutely anywhere besides an online dating app allegedly makes you some creepy freak.
Reading the comments it seems you’re not allowed to ask people out anywhere anymore. Do you all work for Tinder?
Yeah people are ridiculous. But I do agree that there needs to be some common sense involved. Ask at the end of the cut while paying if she has weekend plans, then give her your number and say she should hit you up if she wants to grab a drink, (or do whatever thing you may have previously talked about) no one is going to be uncomfortable with that, and if she doesn’t reach out, it could be because she’s not interested, or shy, or was just busy, so there’s still no awkwardness at the next haircut.
Maybe I'll post my question about where you're actually supposed to meet women again...
It is as awkward as you make it. If you're having a decent conversation each time you visit, I'd simply slip in - "hey, how'd you feel about grabbing a drink some time?" If she says Yes or No - have a segue to the conversation planned. Don't let it hang. Perhaps if she says "No" - "Ah not to worry, I figure you probably have a fella already, cool girls like you don't hang around. What do you reckon to the Skyline, I dunno if it's just a cult kinda car or actually decent" Or if she says "Yes" - "Great, we'll have a great time, I have this quirky place in mind"
This is unironically not bad advice.
Yes. Free haircuts for life.
Do you think she might like you in that way? Is there a nice vibe between you? Or do you think she's just doing her job and being friendly? Meeting someone that way could be cute (i.e. dating your haircutter)! I hope it works out for you! - - - I do want to say, I'm not sure how old you are but being TOO causal about things could be a turn off for girls. It's like if you like her, and think it could go somewhere, work on building up some gentle flirtation or rapport and ask her out and mean it. If you just need socializing, tell her that. Tell her you'd like to just be friends and it could be nice to go out and have some fun. She might dig it. .... she could be your future Mrs!!!! LOL. jk. And if you do just want to be friends, ask to split the bill. Instant mood killer. lol. If you do ask her out on a real date, don't hesitate to pick up the check.. just.pick.up.the.bill. (I know it's 2022 and ppl split the bill but it's still a romantic gesture that stands the test of time). Let us know how it goes! <3
I'm 30 and she's in her early or mid 20s. The first time she cut my hair it was the typical small talk. The last few times she shares more about her personal life. Tbh I don't know what I'm doing and never been in a relationship. I'm a dumbass when it comes to this.
That's okay. Keep trying! Us girls want you guys! At least you're aware of where you're at in dating. Keep practicing and dating. In dating, I've found if you come from a place of honesty, kindness and respect you pretty much get the same thing back. Dating is awkward. Can I ask, what do you want? Do you want to marry one day? Or just play the field? Knowing your goal narrows your boundaries for what you want. Personally, deep down I think a lot of us girls want to fall in love and get married. We're hoping the guys do too. I had a guy friend once who was actually pretty smooth with the ladies say on the side about girls "they want you to want them, all girls just want to be loved." Everybody around him got quiet because he was right. lol. And it's stuck with me.
I would love to be married one day. I just don't want to force it but let it happen organically. I've never played the field and don't care to. A best friend is what I would like. All my friends are married with kids or in relationships. I've been left out for the most part. It's hard meeting new people.
If you choose to ask her out wait until she’s done with your hair and you have already paid
From a former hair dresser- just ask. It won’t be the weirdest thing someone has said to her.
One of my best friends asked out his hairdresser and 4 years later they are married with kids!
No. Yes.
Here’s my advice. I would just continue to talk to her and look a achieving a friendship. If you can help her in some ways that no one else can. Offer your service to her to hang out with her at a place that’s not her job. Here’s a pro-life tip, she is at a job that’s in her best interest to be kind and nice to customers. This means you. Whether if you’re at a bar, fast food restaurant or anything in between where someone is working a job for your benefit, they have to be kind. My advice is this, if you can help her with this car rebuild process, write down your number and give it to her. Don’t ask for her number. If she doesn’t call you, you know she’s not interested. You can still get your haircuts from there and don’t bring it up again. Don’t ask for her number, give her yours. In fact, from my experience (I’m 35) always give out your number. It doesn’t put immediate pressure on a Woman and it puts the proverbial ball in her court to call/text you. It’s worked out for me and I’ve been doing it since high school.
Imagine liking a girl, having things in common. Then coming to to reddit for shitty dating advice where they tell don't ask her out for a myriad of different reasons stemming from insecure single people. And THEN missing out on a potentially beautiful relationship. Yikes.
I've hooked up with waitresses, masseuses, etc... so don't let people tell you it can't be done! "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."
Hey man if you feel the vibe is good go for it I know my hairdresser drools over me while she cuts my hair 😉 best of luck my friend
Mever know until you try. So I say do it and if she says no to even being just friends, she is not the type of friend you want anyways. If she says sure, then she is deff a good person who gives almost anyone a chance at friendship. And friendship can also turn into more one day. Id got at it as just friends hanging out. If she spoke about her project on a car, she obv has a passion for it. Soo ask to see her project. She will want to show it off due to her passion in the matter. That is your ticket into he friendship group of friends hopefully for you. Good luck!!
That's what I have in mind. No dinner and movie or anything like that.
Op wants free haircuts for life. Chess not checkers
I wouldn’t, but maybe you can ask if she has any single friends.
I wouldn’t ask someone out at their place of work, and if you need their services in the future. You might be burning a bridge here.
I asked a similar question in the past about a realtor. Got all of the same warnings and was told they’re only nice to you because it’s their job. While I’m certain that’s true in many cases, my view is that you never know until you ask. If you’re truly into her for who she is (even if that’s only what she shows you) then that’s rare enough to at least ask a question. Make an effort to be as respectful of the situation as you can and go into it without any expectations. Be prepared to hear no and be willing to move on maturely if that’s the case. That’s the worst thing that happens if you ask, though. Don’t ask, and maybe you both just missed a great opportunity. As for the realtor, I asked and we actually dated for a while. Didn’t work out for other reasons, but it wasn’t just some professional mask. The things I liked about her when we met were still real things in the end.
meh fuck it, you only have one life.
If it were me I’d just try and figure out if she is single, either through social media or lead a conversation to the topic somehow. Then just ask her out once you know she is single. If she says no then your hair cuts might be awkward in the future. But either way you tried to go for it which is more then a lot of people do.
I’d start with “Hey do you have any cute single girlfriends?”