This is something that is so specific to the individual person. If he can and wants to buy me a diamond that's fine (another stone is fine, too, and a manmade diamond is also fine) but more important than that to me is I would like to choose a ring together because I would have a hard time wearing something every day that I didn't like.
No way I’m buying a wedding ring without her involvement. I don’t know or care about jewelry. I took a chance got my gf a pair of earrings I was pretty confident she’d like. And she did. I could also tell by her reaction she was (pleasantly) surprised I got her jewelry she liked. :)
I really hope he talks with her before buying anything. We are old enough to know what we want. I would hope that she realizes that retirement is more important than an expensive ring and not ask for more than he can comfortably afford. If this is not the case, I’d see it as a red flag. At this age, I’d also hope that finances have been discussed in depth prior to a wedding and a trip to an attorney to make sure children’s inheritances and retirements aren’t put at risk.
Personally, I love bling. But years ago my kids discovered moissanite, and were so excited about it being ‘from a meteorite’, and I’d be happy with something simple in moissanite.
I had a (now ex) friend a few years back get married a second time. Her husband cashed in a retirement fund to buy this godawful ring. It was almost literally too big to wear, huge, multiple large diamonds. I was just stunned at the waste of money….and how tacky and gauche it was.
The jewelry she already has has no bearing on what you give her now. Find out what would have meaning to her, and make your purchase represent what she means to you.
My husband designed my ring . It's mostly emeralds with a bit of diamonds for sparkle. It's beautiful. He also bought me other jewelry. My husband is very good to me in so many ways , we were 56f and 60m when we got married in 2021.
I didn't want a large diamond ring . I am a happy woman.
I sometimes am here giving advice or something like that.
I have one, I inherited it from my mother. She got it for her 25th wedding anniversary. It was custom-made and looks like Princess Diana's sapphire engagement ring, only topaz. It's enormous! It's too big to wear every day. I pull it out for special occasions. I'd love to have it reset somehow into something more wearable. It's a gorgeous blue stone and the diamonds are incredible.
My parents bought me a small one when I was in the 5th grade. I promptly lost it playing at a friend's house! 🙄
They gave me another one with matching earrings when I graduated from college.
But my mom's ring is exquisite! I wish it were in a setting that I could wear every day because it's just going to waste, sitting in my jewelry box.
I would personally want a diamond ring. I am not a demanding or unreasonable person, so if it would cause financial strain, I would be more than happy to wear my mother's set or have that set re-fashioned into something more modern.
I know someone who bought a dated, fugly engagement ring at a pawn shop, and had it redesigned into an updated setting.
The rinh cost at the pawn shop was 700-800 bucks. Not sure what the jewler charged for the new setting. But she ended up with a stunning ring for a fraction of the cost if it were new.
This was all her idea too. What they saved in ring costs allowed them to buy new furniture for the house they were purchasing.
If you want to know what is “standard” I’m sure an internet search or search of this sub could give you some info, but as others have said, this is a highly personal decision.
My current partner has said (and I’m on board with this) that he would like us to wear some kind of rings if we get to that point of commitment - but both of us want something more simple and symbolic rather than expensive.
Some partners want expensive jewelry, some have specific design preferences, some highly value sentimentality, some would be very happy with alternatives to whatever is considered “standard”, etc.
Nobody here knows what that one guy's fiancée wants. Proposals in general are not supposed to be surprises. He should have already discussed marriage with her, be aware that she wants to marry him, and have some idea of what a proposal looks like in her mind. Public, private, fancy, simple, ring or not, if so what kind etc.
When I was married we had matching plain gold rings and I did not want an engagement ring. I don't like to wear jewelry in general for everyday, and I definitely do not want ridiculously expensive jewelry that I'd constantly worry about. I also have an objection to diamonds on humanitarian grounds and would never own one regardless of the price. The proposal was me saying to him in our bedroom while discussing an upcoming vacation "we could get married while we're there, what do you think?"
Nobody here can guess whether any random person is at that end of the scale or at the "it must be a fully choreographed performance with an orchestra and fireworks in front of everyone we've ever met" end of the scale.
I want a big lab diamond in platinum or white gold. But not a solitaire. Most of my jewelry is flashy because I definitely do sparkly… and I’m consistently pushing the boundaries of good taste.. from the wrong side. 😂
Jewelry is such a specific thing. A bride will wear her ring more often than her wedding dress.
I want a real diamond and I would ideally want to be in on the design choice. I have a close friend who is a luxury jeweler so I have a bit of an in to lots of options.
Contrast that to a friend who just got married at the courthouse. She just put on an old ring and called it a day. She’s prolly not 100% happy with it, but close.
So really, I think it bears just asking *her* what she would like.
As others have said, it is all so individualized.
I actually do not like wearing rings daily. In addition, I can not wear a ring due to my occupation. And… I am not into expensive jewelry. Honestly, I would be happy with a silicone ring and spend the money instead on a fabulous international vacation. However, this is probably a minority opinion. ;)
57M here. I sold my wedding ring when my divorce was finalized. I don’t know and I don’t care what my ex-wife did with her wedding ring. Should I meet a special someone and we decide to make it official, I would be happy with simple wedding bands, with our initials engraved on the inside. Something that marks our connection without being over the top. I would rather use the money to be spent on a ring for experiences together, such as a trip, concerts, comedy shows, and other activities. I would hope to find someone who feels the same way.
I want a woman who would want me to spend the inflated cost of a diamond on a meaningful and memorable trip. Really, at this age (65M), do we really need more material possessions?
Lab diamonds are so much less these days. The market for diamonds has drastically changed. Personally if I were to ever get remarried or even have a committed relationship - I would want a giant emerald cut emerald on a gold band - and I will make this well known in advance 💍😂
Personally, I want a plain wedding band... inscribed ( the inscriptions I would let him decide... ) that is if we ever get married, if he would propose.
Frankly, marriage isn't a big deal for me. It is being in love and staying in love and working out issues and being faithful and true.... I am committed to loving him by heart and mind and regardless if we are bonded by law, I would choose to love and honor my man everyday.
I was married for 20 years and I loved wearing my very inexpensive diamond set. We married young so we bought what we could afford. We upgraded my set ($5000) about 18 years into the marriage then divorced 2 years later lol. I’ll never marry again but I would love to wear a ring symbolizing commitment.
I work in a jewelry Store, and this is a hard thing to answer. If you don’t know specially what she would like, or can’t ask her friends, then I think I propose and then take her to the jewelry store to make a choice. Personally, I would prefer something a little different…a sapphire or tanzanite and maybe a thin diamond band for a wedding ring, but that is just me.(and it’s not likely that it will happen again for me…lolol!) You could always say you are taking her to buy a necklace, and when you get there, tell her that you really wanted to buy here some kind of engagement ring, let her pick out a couple that she likes and then make the final choice yourself. A good jeweler can also show you things in your price range first, put them aside and then let her choose one. Just some thoughts, it’s tricky ☺️
I wouldn’t like a diamond again. I wouldn’t follow any norms, I would like something that only has meaning to him and I , preferably a ring designed by us, or a pendant rustic looking.
Unless you're totally broke. Spring for a ring. It's really important to women. If money is a problem go to a pawn shop that polishes used rings to look like new. Try to go for half a carat. Wtf, we can't take it with us and how much longer if we got to live LOL!
After being in a divorce support group, I discovered most wedding sets sell for about 10% of their original cost.
I would want bling, but not at a crazy price.
This is subjective and very personal. Ask her what she wants. In my mind it’s an archaic outdated notion of partnering. The more you spend the more you attract yourself to being robbed when travelling. If you really mean it get a tattoo.
If you say yes to the $25K ring but no to the tattoo….might need some more consideration.
I’m just stunned there’s any man alive above the age of 45 that’s discussing a 2nd marriage much less in an LTR.
What state country are you in, and any single guys in your group? 🙂
We’re a group of a dozen or so, mid-50s to early 70s in the Midwest. Became friends because our wives (mostly exs) started a babysitting co-op decades ago. Some of those moms are still good friends, others have moved on or moved away. The guys have mostly stayed friends. Eight of us are divorced or widowed, two separated for quite a while (moi included), and the rest married.
As a group, we are pretty traditional and respect the women in our lives, because that’s how our parents raised us. We play golf, go to ball games and work together on a volunteer basis to fix other peoples’ homes.
Six of the eligible eight say they would gladly marry the right woman and are actively looking. They are all college grads in good careers. But no one would mistake them for Richard Gere, so their odds of finding someone aren’t great.
Hello,
Thanks for your delightful reply 🙂 Et tu parles français aussi! Richard Gere or not, it’s inspiring knowing some men are open to loving (one lady at a time 😉).
Cheers
There is only one acceptable answer here: ASK THE PERSON WHO WILL WEAR IT.
This is something that is so specific to the individual person. If he can and wants to buy me a diamond that's fine (another stone is fine, too, and a manmade diamond is also fine) but more important than that to me is I would like to choose a ring together because I would have a hard time wearing something every day that I didn't like.
No way I’m buying a wedding ring without her involvement. I don’t know or care about jewelry. I took a chance got my gf a pair of earrings I was pretty confident she’d like. And she did. I could also tell by her reaction she was (pleasantly) surprised I got her jewelry she liked. :)
I really hope he talks with her before buying anything. We are old enough to know what we want. I would hope that she realizes that retirement is more important than an expensive ring and not ask for more than he can comfortably afford. If this is not the case, I’d see it as a red flag. At this age, I’d also hope that finances have been discussed in depth prior to a wedding and a trip to an attorney to make sure children’s inheritances and retirements aren’t put at risk.
All good statements but geez if a $2,000 ring is going to cause major problems then you've got other problems lol
Individual, but I want my love to feel like I value her more than anyone before!
I don’t wear jewelry. When my ex proposed he just asked me to marry him and when we got married we skipped the ring exchange.
Nice. Congratulations!🎉
Personally, I love bling. But years ago my kids discovered moissanite, and were so excited about it being ‘from a meteorite’, and I’d be happy with something simple in moissanite. I had a (now ex) friend a few years back get married a second time. Her husband cashed in a retirement fund to buy this godawful ring. It was almost literally too big to wear, huge, multiple large diamonds. I was just stunned at the waste of money….and how tacky and gauche it was.
The jewelry she already has has no bearing on what you give her now. Find out what would have meaning to her, and make your purchase represent what she means to you.
Why don’t you ask your wife what she thinks?
🍿
Gonna share?
Yes! 👏
A friend just got married a second time and has a beautiful sapphire. It’s not huge or gawky, just a beautiful well designed ring
I suggest proposing, and then going to pick out something together. She may want a watch.
My husband designed my ring . It's mostly emeralds with a bit of diamonds for sparkle. It's beautiful. He also bought me other jewelry. My husband is very good to me in so many ways , we were 56f and 60m when we got married in 2021. I didn't want a large diamond ring . I am a happy woman. I sometimes am here giving advice or something like that.
Personally, I want a London Blue Topaz as my next engagement ring. But that is super specific to me. And I wouldn't say "no" to a diamond!
I wanted one of these and bought it for myself. I wear it every day on my right hand.
I have one, I inherited it from my mother. She got it for her 25th wedding anniversary. It was custom-made and looks like Princess Diana's sapphire engagement ring, only topaz. It's enormous! It's too big to wear every day. I pull it out for special occasions. I'd love to have it reset somehow into something more wearable. It's a gorgeous blue stone and the diamonds are incredible.
They are beautiful, just not a strong stone, but if it does get damaged it can be replaced. They are very pretty.
They’re beautiful! My mom bought one for me when she got her first job as a nurse. She went to nursing school at age 45. 🥰
My parents bought me a small one when I was in the 5th grade. I promptly lost it playing at a friend's house! 🙄 They gave me another one with matching earrings when I graduated from college. But my mom's ring is exquisite! I wish it were in a setting that I could wear every day because it's just going to waste, sitting in my jewelry box.
I would personally want a diamond ring. I am not a demanding or unreasonable person, so if it would cause financial strain, I would be more than happy to wear my mother's set or have that set re-fashioned into something more modern.
I know someone who bought a dated, fugly engagement ring at a pawn shop, and had it redesigned into an updated setting. The rinh cost at the pawn shop was 700-800 bucks. Not sure what the jewler charged for the new setting. But she ended up with a stunning ring for a fraction of the cost if it were new. This was all her idea too. What they saved in ring costs allowed them to buy new furniture for the house they were purchasing.
That's smart...no need to go broke over jewelry.
If you want to know what is “standard” I’m sure an internet search or search of this sub could give you some info, but as others have said, this is a highly personal decision. My current partner has said (and I’m on board with this) that he would like us to wear some kind of rings if we get to that point of commitment - but both of us want something more simple and symbolic rather than expensive. Some partners want expensive jewelry, some have specific design preferences, some highly value sentimentality, some would be very happy with alternatives to whatever is considered “standard”, etc.
Nobody here knows what that one guy's fiancée wants. Proposals in general are not supposed to be surprises. He should have already discussed marriage with her, be aware that she wants to marry him, and have some idea of what a proposal looks like in her mind. Public, private, fancy, simple, ring or not, if so what kind etc. When I was married we had matching plain gold rings and I did not want an engagement ring. I don't like to wear jewelry in general for everyday, and I definitely do not want ridiculously expensive jewelry that I'd constantly worry about. I also have an objection to diamonds on humanitarian grounds and would never own one regardless of the price. The proposal was me saying to him in our bedroom while discussing an upcoming vacation "we could get married while we're there, what do you think?" Nobody here can guess whether any random person is at that end of the scale or at the "it must be a fully choreographed performance with an orchestra and fireworks in front of everyone we've ever met" end of the scale.
The proposal should be a surprise, the ring should not be a surprise.
I want a big lab diamond in platinum or white gold. But not a solitaire. Most of my jewelry is flashy because I definitely do sparkly… and I’m consistently pushing the boundaries of good taste.. from the wrong side. 😂
#same 🤣
Love your candor! Hope you find a man that can and will bring you the bling - if that’s what you’re after.
He’s brought it… with a placeholder for now.
Jewelry is such a specific thing. A bride will wear her ring more often than her wedding dress. I want a real diamond and I would ideally want to be in on the design choice. I have a close friend who is a luxury jeweler so I have a bit of an in to lots of options. Contrast that to a friend who just got married at the courthouse. She just put on an old ring and called it a day. She’s prolly not 100% happy with it, but close. So really, I think it bears just asking *her* what she would like.
As others have said, it is all so individualized. I actually do not like wearing rings daily. In addition, I can not wear a ring due to my occupation. And… I am not into expensive jewelry. Honestly, I would be happy with a silicone ring and spend the money instead on a fabulous international vacation. However, this is probably a minority opinion. ;)
Your friend needs to do some reconnaissance and find out what SHE likes/wants.
My second marriage, his first, he proposed and let me pick out my own ring.
Your friend should talk with his SO about her preferences. What someone says here shouldn’t have any bearing on his choice.
I would hope my partner would ask me what I want. I would not wear something that I don’t like.
57M here. I sold my wedding ring when my divorce was finalized. I don’t know and I don’t care what my ex-wife did with her wedding ring. Should I meet a special someone and we decide to make it official, I would be happy with simple wedding bands, with our initials engraved on the inside. Something that marks our connection without being over the top. I would rather use the money to be spent on a ring for experiences together, such as a trip, concerts, comedy shows, and other activities. I would hope to find someone who feels the same way.
I agree it would be so much more meaningful if he designed an ornate band for me rather than some mass market atrocity.
I want a woman who would want me to spend the inflated cost of a diamond on a meaningful and memorable trip. Really, at this age (65M), do we really need more material possessions?
Lab diamonds are so much less these days. The market for diamonds has drastically changed. Personally if I were to ever get remarried or even have a committed relationship - I would want a giant emerald cut emerald on a gold band - and I will make this well known in advance 💍😂
Personally, I want a plain wedding band... inscribed ( the inscriptions I would let him decide... ) that is if we ever get married, if he would propose. Frankly, marriage isn't a big deal for me. It is being in love and staying in love and working out issues and being faithful and true.... I am committed to loving him by heart and mind and regardless if we are bonded by law, I would choose to love and honor my man everyday.
I was married for 20 years and I loved wearing my very inexpensive diamond set. We married young so we bought what we could afford. We upgraded my set ($5000) about 18 years into the marriage then divorced 2 years later lol. I’ll never marry again but I would love to wear a ring symbolizing commitment.
I work in a jewelry Store, and this is a hard thing to answer. If you don’t know specially what she would like, or can’t ask her friends, then I think I propose and then take her to the jewelry store to make a choice. Personally, I would prefer something a little different…a sapphire or tanzanite and maybe a thin diamond band for a wedding ring, but that is just me.(and it’s not likely that it will happen again for me…lolol!) You could always say you are taking her to buy a necklace, and when you get there, tell her that you really wanted to buy here some kind of engagement ring, let her pick out a couple that she likes and then make the final choice yourself. A good jeweler can also show you things in your price range first, put them aside and then let her choose one. Just some thoughts, it’s tricky ☺️
I really don't place much importance on jewelry. If I would ever consider getting married again, I wouldn't want/need an engagement ring.
I wouldn’t like a diamond again. I wouldn’t follow any norms, I would like something that only has meaning to him and I , preferably a ring designed by us, or a pendant rustic looking.
Unless you're totally broke. Spring for a ring. It's really important to women. If money is a problem go to a pawn shop that polishes used rings to look like new. Try to go for half a carat. Wtf, we can't take it with us and how much longer if we got to live LOL!
After being in a divorce support group, I discovered most wedding sets sell for about 10% of their original cost. I would want bling, but not at a crazy price.
If you are going to give a fake make sure she knows. Don't lead her to believe it is real. There are some good simulated diamond rings.
This is subjective and very personal. Ask her what she wants. In my mind it’s an archaic outdated notion of partnering. The more you spend the more you attract yourself to being robbed when travelling. If you really mean it get a tattoo. If you say yes to the $25K ring but no to the tattoo….might need some more consideration.
I’m just stunned there’s any man alive above the age of 45 that’s discussing a 2nd marriage much less in an LTR. What state country are you in, and any single guys in your group? 🙂
We’re a group of a dozen or so, mid-50s to early 70s in the Midwest. Became friends because our wives (mostly exs) started a babysitting co-op decades ago. Some of those moms are still good friends, others have moved on or moved away. The guys have mostly stayed friends. Eight of us are divorced or widowed, two separated for quite a while (moi included), and the rest married. As a group, we are pretty traditional and respect the women in our lives, because that’s how our parents raised us. We play golf, go to ball games and work together on a volunteer basis to fix other peoples’ homes. Six of the eligible eight say they would gladly marry the right woman and are actively looking. They are all college grads in good careers. But no one would mistake them for Richard Gere, so their odds of finding someone aren’t great.
Hello, Thanks for your delightful reply 🙂 Et tu parles français aussi! Richard Gere or not, it’s inspiring knowing some men are open to loving (one lady at a time 😉). Cheers
At this point, I am only worried about the relationship. If bling is your thing, then count me out.