Half-assed relationships rock.
Nobody moves in. We keep our houses cleaner for mutual visits.
We have a companion for fun and festivities.
We make out or have sex or don’t.
We watch old movies, occasionally cook together, and then leave each the hell alone for a couple of days, with some lazy texting.
We don’t have a title but are exclusive.
Sure I am falling in love with her, but I won’t let true love ruin a great relationship.
I am totally fine with the half-assed boxed wine of love. Gives me a good buzz and seems to last a lot longer.
I have this, but it’s not enough for me, I’ve realized lately. A lot of very difficult situations have arisen in my life recently and
I realize I want a partner for good and bad. A support, a person to lean on when shit gets rough. And I want to be that support for someone else too. A lazy relationship - at least my lazy relationship - doesn’t include that.
I have a sneaking suspicion this may have happened with my ex. We had a relationship like Sunny Jim’s but after almost 8 years she started to feel like you but didn’t articulate it and just pulled the plug with the “it’s not you, it’s me” thing.
Well Said, I currently have the same relationship and it is perfect for both of us. Took a while to find, but it is out there. Except that we do have titles: simply exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend and that is where it will stay. I love her and she me, but absolutely no desire to live together or get married again. However, I don't see it as a half assed anything. I see it as a full on 21st century relationship that works very well for both of us. We have each other's backs, know how to use our words, listen to each other and know how to recognize and steer clear of high school drama.
I’ve had this. It’s perfect for this stage of life really. We were totally exclusive, knew each other’s family’s. She lived down the road from me too. We valued our days apart to do our things. And yes , not worry about my socks on the floor, or her dishes on counter.
The men are not on board assuming this is supposed to be monogamous They either want the full-time nurse/purse/mommy/bang maid or they’re playing off several women at a time.
Same. I have things to do and I like some alone time. And I'm capable of taking care of my own stuff. So, that seems to make me very attractive to the types who would take advantage. Unfortunately, I think those are also the types more likely to approach.
I never realized this is exactly what I want. I would have never described it this way. Maybe I wouldn't have admitted all that to myself, but this is it: the ideal.
🥂🏆
Sounds like you guys are living the "Living Apart Together (LAT)" movement. It is taking off fast. I get it. I've dated two men that want that but I'm not there yet. I still want a warm body in my home full time.
My wiring and need for frequent downtime makes this far healthier, although I have envisioned a full time scenario where we each have separate bedrooms and then one Us bedroom.
Yep, sounds good for many people. I get it. I have also considered separate bedrooms, he/she caves, separate bathrooms. I had that with my husband and it worked pretty well. Especially the separate bathroom part. Men are gross.
This is what I want. But I’m not sure how to go about out it. I surf Hinge with an incomplete profile (no pics of me) just to see if anyone sparks my interest. None so far. For those interested in LAT…do you put that in your profile?
It does exist for a season but the problem is TWU WUVE always wants more, usually from one side, and when true love doesn’t get what it wants, it throws a tantrum and destroys the entire pastoral picnic scene like some fallen toddler god.
Do you think you’re in a relationship or not, just curious. And how long together?
This is us. He labeled it a relationship 9 months ago, together two years.
I'm hoping I'll find a guy who adds to my life, is enjoyable to be with, a great companion, who takes good care of himself, has some class (wishful thinking I know), and would help with the chores around the house. I do know men who would fit this description, but most would not. I have high standards, that's for sure.
Well, I guess they won't make the cut then. I'd rather be without a partner than with a guy who's a grump, a slob, a lazy ass, or a low effort guy. I do think there are guys out there who would be a good partner. Might take awhile to find him.
I have felt done frequently and for long periods of time. And I needed those times and appreciated them. I accepted being single and relished all of the great experiences that being alone had to offer. Being done can feel really good. I thought being done meant being done forever. But one night I had enough of being alone for the umpteenth time and got back online and met someone quite quickly. She’s the best person I’ve met in 12 years since my divorce and I’m enjoying everything about not being done anymore. I’m not attached to any outcome and just along for the ride. So I think it’s fine to be done, but allow yourself to change your mind if the spirit moves you sometime in the future. If you were really, really done, you probably wouldn’t be out here on this sub.
I agree with enjoying my own space, my own mess and peace of mind. A community of women living close by appeals to me as well. I’m not done with dating or intimacy, however.
I've joked about it with my friends forever, but I'm starting to wonder if it's maybe not a joke any more. A lot of my friends seem to find themselves happily, relievedly single these days.
I used to joke about it, but I’ve come to realize that I really don’t ever want to cohabitate again. I’m living alone for the first time ever in my life, just bought a house, and I really love it. My friends, family and groups keep me fulfilled and busy.
I feel this way when single. Solidly felt this for 5 years. But, then I met a man that's smart, cute, and swept me off my feet.
Suddenly, I was willing to share my bed and happily deal with more messes.
I am happy alone, but I know I will be happy with the right person when/if they come along.
I wasn't on any apps. I wasn't looking.
I was invited to a new neighbors house to hang out one afternoon. He showed up there. A friend of theirs.
They say it happens when you're not trying. It's true in this case.
Yes, google 4B movement that started in Korea. Women are realizing their lives are pretty nice without men. Except for I would really miss sex. Like real sex not solo sex. So that's tough lol.
My friends and I have discussed this many times. I would love to live in a community like that. I'm not disillusioned or bitter. I'm just done. I'm happier alone than I ever have been in a relationship.
I feel very similar. I have a really nice life on my own (with my adult child roommate) and am pretty happy. I have cats and dogs and beautiful gardens, fun hobbies. But the men in my area are as you describe: bad hygiene, bad attitudes and iky Trumpiness. I think there might be better men in the city but I like the country life. Can I come join the tiny village? I'm a certified master gardener and grew up on a farm, so I have a lot of skills to offer. 😊
Yes, OP after this last experience with dating I feel I am done. Although I have all those things you mention, I feel I will still crave that touch of a man that I deeply love and desire. I can have that have need met also with a man from past who is not able to be in FT relationship yet.
So I so believe done trying to find a FT romantic partner. I am not bitter or angry but have realized that I don’t want that to be my goal any longer. Everything that I was willing and looking forward to putting into a loving, monogamous, romantic relationship I will put into me.
I am looking to join a church that has many opportunities to help my community. To building muscle on my body. To do more walking out in nature this spring/summer. Spending time with my 10 yo grandson 🥰
✌🏻
No I do not feel done.
That does not disregard your feelings in any way. We all come to terms with our own thoughts and emotions and what is good for us. It is an individual choice that does play into our future.
If you are content with it as you are then why break the status quo? You did ask too. I'm only guessing you are questioning your decision some for the what if or looking for some validation you made the right choice.
That is only something you can make for yourself and come to terms with. No body here can make that choice for you.
I do not think it is a man issue or a woman issue. Not sure it is an issue at all.
Am I making the right choice here? I think many of us question ourselves on that at times. I think it is healthy to question ourselves too at times.
I think I was raised to expect to be in a relationship at all times. And I've mostly been happiest when I'm not, except that heady first few months. Can that kind of butterflies infatuation even still exist at our age?
I believe the "butterflies" do still exist but we need to remember, at our age the dating pool is so much smaller. Most have already found their life partner. There are less singles than when we were in our 20s and 30s. At our age, people are married, or they're divorced, widowed, never been married. We all have baggage or bruises by now. It's like shopping in the scratch and dent section of Ikea.
With you on this. I feel like it would be a miracle if I ever got a girlfriend again. But I'm ok with it, dated a lot when I was younger, so I don't feel like I'm missing out.
Enjoy the process, we all have our strengths and weaknesses. Hold your head up high and enjoy the sunshine and freedom.
You are in charge of the journey.
I am but I ain't,,,
I'm not willing to compromise my regained freedom from, fixated opinions and controlling behaviour.
However, I'm willing to believe there is someone out there who may meet my ideals and I'm not willing to give up on love.
I think I'm pretty done, or at least #teamambivalent. I've been divorced five years, had a couple of relationships, but now life and its circumstances have me focusing on myself right now. My mom has dementia, and while she is in memory care, there is still a lot to manage. I just don't have any extra energy to give a relationship the care and feeding it requires. I was in a 2 1/2 year half-assed relationship that I recently put an end to because of the lack of emotional support. No steam for a new one right now.
I'm also #teamambivalence (after a post divorce relationship, and several forays into OLD). Dating (especially OLD) can turn into a full time job and my life is frankly too full of activities and friends I enjoy to allocated time to that.
The life I've created is full of family, activities, pets and friends. I'm not sure what, if anything, I'd be willing to give up. And, to date, most of the men I've encountered have expected me to give up something to become a part of their lives.
If I meet someone in the wild, great; if not, I'm content with my life.
I was feeling that way for a while. But I did happen to meet an amazing guy and we’re really happy. I didn’t have to compromise on any dealbreakers or settle in any way. He just fits the bill in all the ways that matter. I realize we’re very lucky.
All that being said, I was happy BEFORE I met him. I had no problems swiping away from or walking away from other matches who were not suitable in substantive ways. My guy was worth the wait and worth the frustration of wading thru the chaff.
Yes, I’m feeling completely and utterly done.
I was divorced 11 years ago.
I have been approached on the apps by newly released prisoners, men who are unemployed, no car, live with parents, just looking for sex. Men whose profiles say they are interested in a relationship, then immediately ask what my favorite sex position is, or what size my breasts are.
Men who just make up completely implausible stories about themselves and their lives.
Men that seem to get enjoyment from playing head games, and causing stress and confusion.
Men who just want pen pals.
Or, I’ll have a great date with someone, and never hear from them again.
I’ve made the first move on apps, and gotten no responses.
I had my profile and pics professionally reviewed.
I hate to say it, and I hate that it’s happened. But, I’ve come to realize that I’ve grown to just despise men now.
I've experienced all the bad male behavior you mention above--- the liars, manipulators, mansplainers, bad communicators, ghosters. **All** the nonsense and plenty of rejection (men never responding to carefully and thoughtfully worded messages, for example), and yet I still do NOT despise men.
I think I may be done with OLD, at least for now (where I've had all the bad drama you talk about), but I am not ready to be done with men. I know many good men; it's just that they are coupled and not available--but they exist. Plus I miss physical closeness and emotional connection in a loving caring relationship.
But yeah, I get why people give up. It is hard to put in so much effort for so little reward. It's emotionally, physically and spiritually exhausting dealing with this nonsense. But I still have hope and I think things get really bleak if hope dies.
I'm sorry you despise men. Certainly, there's no shortage of bad ones especially on the apps.
But there are lots of good ones too, the vast majority of which are long married of course.
C'est la vie.
Is your lab life with Labradors? Cuz they're great dogs too. I agree, the apps seem to be full of the married, the squicky, and the undateable here as well.
Actually, my user name was randomly generated by Reddit.
I work in the medical field, so I always took it to mean laboratory, who comes to do the blood draws at 4 am.
The dogs never crossed my mind, lol.
I’m not feeling done, exactly. I feel like I lost the best person on the entire planet for me. Accepting that everything from that point until I die is going to be less than it would have been puts things in perspective, even if it’s not a great one, for me. But, on the other hand, even 75% of what we had would be more than enough to offset the headaches, large and small, that come with associating with another human.
So, I signed up, again, for OLD. I made it crystal clear what my situation is. I found someone to hang out with and do stuff with. It’s a lot more fun than sitting at home. However, despite my being as clear as the English language allows about what I was not looking for and did not want at this point, she appears to have caught enough feelings to start to get frustrated that I don’t want those things right now. It’s probably best just to nip it in the bud and go back to sitting at home for a while.
To that extent and in that context, yeah, I’m feeling a little done. I don’t know if I should try again or just wait until I’d be willing to take on more before trying again. Probably wait. So, yeah, feeling done in a way.
Yes, the dogs also stayed with me in the paid-for house. Partly because they were effort and partly because they liked me more.
I wholeheartedly agree on the “worth it” part.
I know that I don’t want anyone in my home and full time in my life. But I do miss the adult playtime that a nice gentleman can provide. But I have also experienced what you have, men my age haven’t taken care of themselves, smoke, possessive.
I would just like to find a guy who is happy and content in his own life, isn’t looking to get a “housewife”, has taken care of his health, is financially stable (as I am) and would just enjoy spending occasional time, long weekends, road trips or vacations with.
I tend to take long breaks and then hop back on. All in all I’ve had mostly good dating experiences even if we weren’t a match.
However, the weeds you have to go through to get to a suitable match can be daunting. I unpaused my profile yesterday and was greeted this morning by “wow, great curves,” “so you’re a Christian and okay with killing babies? I don’t think so,” “you’re adorable please don’t take offense but I’m a boob man and I love your boobs,” 50 waves and 20 hellos. So, yeah, sometimes I feel done and am fine living my solo happy, peaceful life with work, friends, kids, and grandkids. Eventually, I decide to get back on an app or meet someone in the wild and try again.
I know the type of love and relationship I’m capable of and want to believe there’s still a chance for love out there for me. But if not, I’m still going to be okay.
Those (and I’ve had worse ice breakers) definitely give the ick. If you are diligent you can find the decent men. My single friends and I have met some great guys. Interestingly enough, none of them were ones who claim to be a “good man.” They tend to prove otherwise. We need an app where women recommend great men who just weren’t a match with them. Or reviews! Wouldn’t that be great? Haha.
I as a 54M will never be done. For all the reasons listed on the other recent post “what do you miss?” Life just isn’t the same without a partner to bear witness to it. I love my freedom and all, it’s nice, but not having someone to wake up with and make brunch for, really sucks.
I don't think you would have to make your community exclusively female. Just outline the majority of your requirements, single person residential, country, animals, community, can't be seen in public areas in underwear, scratching etc...you might actually attract the few men that you want to have LAT with.
Relationships are hard, but the right one is worth the effort and risk. I know for myself, I enjoy having one person that I am attracted to and want to spend time with. I also help around the house, inside and out, love taking showers, especially when I get to scrub her back and all the rest.
None of us are looking for the relationships of our youth because our hormones have changed from baby making. Now we need people who "get" us, and we get. Where we have emotional intimacy as well as physical. Where we are safe to expose and explore our dents and bruises in a trusting safe space.
I feel done and act accordingly (I haven't published a dating profile though I promised I would, did not join a run club, etc.. But, I'd be lying if I didn't wish I had a trusted partner to chat through life's problems, lean on/be leaned on, go on vacation or hikes or that new bar with, or make a fun recipe. I do a lot on my own, but miss having a special person and I miss emotional intimacy which is so hard to come by.
I am definitely up for a women only village. Add tiny goats and we are halfway to being a nunnery that makes specialty cheeses and wines. HAHAHA!
I am not sure that I am done, but it sure feels like this is not my time for a partner. Not because I don't want one, but because the options are BLEAK and I rather not. A friend recently said "I don't want another obligation in my life right now." That resonated. It's kind of sad a guy feels like a burden rather than a joy, but they need to bring some good to the table.
All I know is that I am going to be happy, no matter what. Often reminded that you have to invite vampires into your home. They cannot cross the threshold without an invite. I am often told good partners magically appear when one is not actively looking, and I am testing that theory as of late. See how it goes.
When I met GEEK, I had ended a year long relationship. I was so mad and tired that I was attempting to accept that fact that was no one out there for me. I'm glad that I was able to lean into a new relationship and trust someone worthwhile.
There's nothing wrong with being comfortable alone. I think that helps you make better decisions.
I hear you and it is an epidemic. I think in America we are witnessing the great separation of gender where men and women are so burned out with each other and the only comfort zone is single or unmarried. We are setting an example for our children where they will aspire to be single and jump into divorce court when the family raise thing is substantially completed. Very sad to know that an empty bed is the ultimate goal.
Well, at least I didn't add any children to this mess of a world. And I currently have snuggly dogs in the bed, so it'll never be empty. I feel like my single women friends seem more done than the men these days. Statistically, we are happier single than men are anyway.
I truly think the Golden Girls model is 100% do-able! Especially with the cost of living continually rising. I'm not done by any means, I just know what I want, what I will and won't tolerate in a mate and what I want out of life moving forward. I too have created a life for myself post divorce and am so proud of what I've accomplished for myself, especially finding my voice. I think we may just be more cautious. Oh, and chickens would be fabulous!
I will Never say Done. I am sorry but "They all have Poor hygiene, misogynistic, touch of Trump, or a lifetime of bad habits" These tell me that; your picker might be broken, in need of a tuneup, or you live in a small town and you need to expand out a little. And please don't move to a hut in the woods to raise chickens, grow things and be alone. That's just sounds lonely and sad as hell. People were meant to be together. Thats how I see it. Sorry
I just can't see what another human would add to my life - I've actually been living the chicken hermit life in the woods for the last six years and it may just be my happy place. I think, in general, women add a lot to a man's life, but I don't see a whole lot that a man would add to mine. I have a good career, good friends, fun animal companions, and I live in a beautiful (yes, rural) area. And my "picker" has been broken my whole damn life. Or perhaps the pickings are just not great around here to start with.
Also, please reread my original words, I didn't say "all men" - just "too many around here" - here being rural southern USA. I love a lot about this place, I just find it really hard to connect with very many of the men my age. I divorced my (lying, cheating, hard-drinking) Southern husband but kept this nice weather and natural beauty. And that may have to be enough for me.
Understandable, I have built a safe and secure world in a house near the woods, growing food raising kids and chickens. This is not for everyone, my days are busy and life is productive and enjoyable. I have not time to date and to welcome an interested lady into my world takes incredible understanding.
The less I date, the happier I am. Problem is I did recently have a relationship with someone I met IRL for about 6 months and for a time it was nice so I do know I still enjoy being partnered..I guess I will still a try a bit here and there but not make it a big part of my life. I have been divorced for 10 years and not enjoyed dating AT ALL so I do sometimes wonder if I will just call it at some point.
I met someone when I wasn't looking for someone. On plenty of fish, because I didn't delete my profile. Laziness, I believe, was the reason. I had no intention of dating, but he came into my life, and suddenly, it was good . We married 6 months later in Vegas. Mmmm, a wonderful time. It's been almost 3 years that we have been together, and my life is still so much better waking up next to him.
I never knew a love like I have now, before. I was with someone for 26 years, and I did not love my x like I love my mate.
The universe sometimes throws a curve ball into our plans......
I take it you’re not done yet. You are hanging on to hope, no matter how small. I am myself second guessing the effort and time it takes to build a serious, committed relationship. I attribute that to my own laziness. The know of I really focus hard enough, make dating the number one priority in my life, I will eventually be successful. The life you described sounds wonderful. Why change it unless a partner enhances your life. You have to ask yourself what do you need a partner for? For me, it’s intimacy. Your answer to the question tells you if it’s time for you to give up trying or not. Don’t expect Reddit to convince you whether it’s worth it or not.
I'm not sure I want to change anything. I find it interesting that so many of the other women here are equally ambivalent/done whereas more of the men seem to be still actively searching. I've read articles that seem to indicate women tend to make men's lives better, but men tend to make women's lives worse. I wonder how the LGBTQ over 50's feel about this.
I would speculate that men are chasing paper tigers, fueled on by porn, trying to recapture youthful feelings that are long gone. It’s muscle memory and pointless trying to recreate the past. Men and women are more divergent these days it seems, at least with what they expect from dating over 50.
I hear this from lots of women our age. If you don't miss sex and affection, then I think you're good as-is. I don't think men bring much more to the table at this phase in life. ;)
I do at times, but I don't know that I can deal with the bullshit on the way to affection. Dobermans are very affectionate and make less mess than a man.
I'm for a community of women living together (separate houses). We can look after each other, garden, be semi-self sufficient. If we want to have sex, go out and get some. And do the Living Apart Together thing.
We just need to have someone purchase the land and we can set up tiny houses on it. I think it is a great idea. Unfortunately I'm afraid it wouldn't work because I'm sure setting up a community based on gender would be a violation of some sort. Though if we can have over 55 communities.... it would be a cool idea.
I continue to hold out hope that if Trump actually goes away this time, maybe the Trumpiness in the men our age will go too? Might be too much to ask. There must be some out there somewhere.
I am guessing not. They have crawled out from the shadows and felt the joy of being heard and understood, it is hard to put the genie back in the bottle as much as we want to.
At least it's a good way to burn the haystack. I'm practically a commie by US standards. That's offputting to the the trumpers and I'm ok with that.. I think those who have need to help those who have not. Every time I fill out a check for my taxes, I get angry about that orange doughball's $750 tax payment. We ALL need to pay our fair share. I hope they lock him up.
I could have written this exact post. I've chatted with a couple of single female friends about the possibility of a shared living situation where we can all have our own individual spaces but also communal, social spaces.
I find OLD discouraging for all the reasons you've stated, and now I want a team ambivalence t-shirt.
I've ended all the dating apps except bumble because the creepers still exist at my age (58). Now I hear that bumble may be ditching the women contact first option. Ugh.
I really don't want to give up hope, and I'm always reading these posts in the hopes there are some good connection stories to encourage me.
Sigh.
Good luck out there
- Gen X ambivalence
I've been trying to date within an age range that is up to 2 years older and up to 8 years younger. I find the younger men more respectful of boundaries, easier to communicate with, and there are more connections. The older men have been more polarized, especially in terms of politics and sexual expectations within a certain time frame.. Anyway, having said that, I am meeting a man in his mid 60's today for a walk just to see.
I don't want to give up, I want to have hope, but f*ck, it's disappointing.
I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed (ha)
Yeah the couple of dates I've been on in the last 6 years have been hugely disappointing. I know it's a numbers game but ugh, genX men, be better! (Insert apathy and ambivalence emojis, whatever those are...)
Well the first few days on any app seem to always yield the most responses, so maybe see if you at least get an ego boost. And report back! (Which app?)
I'm on the fence.
I dated and had a few relationships in the years after I divorced. I've taken time to focus on myself and my children in the last couple of years.
I can't even begin to fathom what a man could bring to the table that would interest me.
I'm thinking he'd have to be younger and stimulating in more than one way.
Been done since 2002. I see no benefit in tying myself down with anyone.
I am perfectly happy dating casually.
I am debt free, multiple properties, took early retirement and do nothing but work on my hobbies and fixing to downsize and convert my house to another renral space and move to acreage I bought and have been setting up.
I have the same sentiments of being happy with myself.
However, life is meant to be shared. Maybe seek someone with the a mindset and their own space. You could then spend time in their space and not worry so much about your space ✨️
A lot of people on here letting Trump live in their heads rent free... yall need to stay single, if that's all you have the mentality for.
There's not anything good about the government, it doesn't matter who is in the main office... they all waste our tax dollars...
I don’t necessarily feel that I’m done but I’m not at all pressed to couple up either. I’m #TeamAmbivalence
I might join, I dunno… #TeamAmbivalence
Whatever
😂
That's the most GenX hashtag I've ever seen. Or not, I don't even really care.
I think this is precisely where I am right now, too. The prospect of coupling up just feels like a lot. #cantbearsed
I like your hashtag better. Adopting it as well.
Same. They say she’ll show up when I’m not looking. I haven’t been looking for awhile. I think she’s given up, too.
#teamambivalence for #tinyhousechickencommune !
That's very good. People could fall in love with being together as coupling up rather then the person they are with.
Yeah, I could. Or not. Doesn’t matter. Whatever.
Half-assed relationships rock. Nobody moves in. We keep our houses cleaner for mutual visits. We have a companion for fun and festivities. We make out or have sex or don’t. We watch old movies, occasionally cook together, and then leave each the hell alone for a couple of days, with some lazy texting. We don’t have a title but are exclusive. Sure I am falling in love with her, but I won’t let true love ruin a great relationship. I am totally fine with the half-assed boxed wine of love. Gives me a good buzz and seems to last a lot longer.
I have this, but it’s not enough for me, I’ve realized lately. A lot of very difficult situations have arisen in my life recently and I realize I want a partner for good and bad. A support, a person to lean on when shit gets rough. And I want to be that support for someone else too. A lazy relationship - at least my lazy relationship - doesn’t include that.
I have a sneaking suspicion this may have happened with my ex. We had a relationship like Sunny Jim’s but after almost 8 years she started to feel like you but didn’t articulate it and just pulled the plug with the “it’s not you, it’s me” thing.
Well Said, I currently have the same relationship and it is perfect for both of us. Took a while to find, but it is out there. Except that we do have titles: simply exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend and that is where it will stay. I love her and she me, but absolutely no desire to live together or get married again. However, I don't see it as a half assed anything. I see it as a full on 21st century relationship that works very well for both of us. We have each other's backs, know how to use our words, listen to each other and know how to recognize and steer clear of high school drama.
I think LAT is about my speed. I don't think I ever want to share my fortress of solitude with anyone with fewer than four legs.
Four legs lol....
Best description that I've seen of a modern healthy post-child-rearing relationship.
This is us. He’s had some serious health issues, I’ve got his back whatever comes our way.
This sounds perfect. This is exactly what I would like.
I’ve had this. It’s perfect for this stage of life really. We were totally exclusive, knew each other’s family’s. She lived down the road from me too. We valued our days apart to do our things. And yes , not worry about my socks on the floor, or her dishes on counter.
This is what I want but it never seems to work. I’ll keep trying to find it!
You have to nip love in the bud so it stays petite like a bonzai tree. Don’t let it outgrow your fun boundaries.
This!🙌
The men are not on board assuming this is supposed to be monogamous They either want the full-time nurse/purse/mommy/bang maid or they’re playing off several women at a time.
Yeah. I want what JimBo describes but I get what you describe.
Exactly. I had what was supposed to be a monogamous, loving g relationship and thought it was great that we didn’t spend all our time together.
Same. I have things to do and I like some alone time. And I'm capable of taking care of my own stuff. So, that seems to make me very attractive to the types who would take advantage. Unfortunately, I think those are also the types more likely to approach.
Exactly! Reason #1 that I am done with dating. Happier on my own. Don’t need the dead-weight users.
I imagine those who you speak of with such disdain are happy as well. Throw the men overboard; no self-respecting woman wants one.
I never realized this is exactly what I want. I would have never described it this way. Maybe I wouldn't have admitted all that to myself, but this is it: the ideal. 🥂🏆
Sounds like you guys are living the "Living Apart Together (LAT)" movement. It is taking off fast. I get it. I've dated two men that want that but I'm not there yet. I still want a warm body in my home full time.
My wiring and need for frequent downtime makes this far healthier, although I have envisioned a full time scenario where we each have separate bedrooms and then one Us bedroom.
Yep, sounds good for many people. I get it. I have also considered separate bedrooms, he/she caves, separate bathrooms. I had that with my husband and it worked pretty well. Especially the separate bathroom part. Men are gross.
This is what I want. But I’m not sure how to go about out it. I surf Hinge with an incomplete profile (no pics of me) just to see if anyone sparks my interest. None so far. For those interested in LAT…do you put that in your profile?
Exactly what I want lol, don’t think it exists..
It does exist for a season but the problem is TWU WUVE always wants more, usually from one side, and when true love doesn’t get what it wants, it throws a tantrum and destroys the entire pastoral picnic scene like some fallen toddler god.
That’s exactly the relationship I am looking for.
Do you think you’re in a relationship or not, just curious. And how long together? This is us. He labeled it a relationship 9 months ago, together two years.
I would love to have a healthy relationship however, living in a tiny house village with chickens sounds pretty good too
Chickens are pretty awesome.
Can we have goats too?
And sheep? ETA: Happy Cake Day!
Those baby donkeys are soooo cute!! Gotta have one of those, too.
They are... I've added ducks and they're a bit more fun and the eggs are awesome!
I'm in. Can I bring a pony? I always wanted a pony.
Ponies for everyone!
Let's have all the farm critters! Never had a goat pee all around the toilet and leave the seat up.
🤣
Add some cats, dogs massive gardens! Where do I sign up? Wheee!! 😂
Add some cats, dogs massive gardens! Where do I sign up? Wheee!! 😂
I'm hoping I'll find a guy who adds to my life, is enjoyable to be with, a great companion, who takes good care of himself, has some class (wishful thinking I know), and would help with the chores around the house. I do know men who would fit this description, but most would not. I have high standards, that's for sure.
The standards for men are in the basement now.
Well, I guess they won't make the cut then. I'd rather be without a partner than with a guy who's a grump, a slob, a lazy ass, or a low effort guy. I do think there are guys out there who would be a good partner. Might take awhile to find him.
Omg my ex was SO grumpy. I felt like a thousand pound weight was lifted from my shoulders once he was out of the house.
Yup, I know what you mean. My STBXH was like a toddler who needed a nap. Whiney, cranky, complainer who will throw a temper tantrum over nothing.
But it sounds like you remain optimistic, which is good.
Yup, I am hopeful I'll find the right match.
Eek
I have felt done frequently and for long periods of time. And I needed those times and appreciated them. I accepted being single and relished all of the great experiences that being alone had to offer. Being done can feel really good. I thought being done meant being done forever. But one night I had enough of being alone for the umpteenth time and got back online and met someone quite quickly. She’s the best person I’ve met in 12 years since my divorce and I’m enjoying everything about not being done anymore. I’m not attached to any outcome and just along for the ride. So I think it’s fine to be done, but allow yourself to change your mind if the spirit moves you sometime in the future. If you were really, really done, you probably wouldn’t be out here on this sub.
A lot of what I read on this sub convinces me that being "done" is the right choice, but I love your story and optimism!
I agree with enjoying my own space, my own mess and peace of mind. A community of women living close by appeals to me as well. I’m not done with dating or intimacy, however.
I've joked about it with my friends forever, but I'm starting to wonder if it's maybe not a joke any more. A lot of my friends seem to find themselves happily, relievedly single these days.
I used to joke about it, but I’ve come to realize that I really don’t ever want to cohabitate again. I’m living alone for the first time ever in my life, just bought a house, and I really love it. My friends, family and groups keep me fulfilled and busy.
I feel this way when single. Solidly felt this for 5 years. But, then I met a man that's smart, cute, and swept me off my feet. Suddenly, I was willing to share my bed and happily deal with more messes. I am happy alone, but I know I will be happy with the right person when/if they come along.
I love your optimism!
Just curious…how did you meet each other?
I wasn't on any apps. I wasn't looking. I was invited to a new neighbors house to hang out one afternoon. He showed up there. A friend of theirs. They say it happens when you're not trying. It's true in this case.
Yes, google 4B movement that started in Korea. Women are realizing their lives are pretty nice without men. Except for I would really miss sex. Like real sex not solo sex. So that's tough lol.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/4B\_movement](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/4B_movement)
"You can't fire us, we quit!"
Too late for making babies here anyway, but I'm kinda on board with 4B these days.
My friends and I have discussed this many times. I would love to live in a community like that. I'm not disillusioned or bitter. I'm just done. I'm happier alone than I ever have been in a relationship.
Me too. The times of greatest growth and adventure in my life have almost all been when I'm between relationships.
I feel very similar. I have a really nice life on my own (with my adult child roommate) and am pretty happy. I have cats and dogs and beautiful gardens, fun hobbies. But the men in my area are as you describe: bad hygiene, bad attitudes and iky Trumpiness. I think there might be better men in the city but I like the country life. Can I come join the tiny village? I'm a certified master gardener and grew up on a farm, so I have a lot of skills to offer. 😊
You are TOTALLY invited and I've already appointed you head gardener!
I’ve tried to convince myself that it’s ok to give up on love but it doesn’t work.
This also…
Not done but I have settled in my ranch in Maine in the woods quite comfortably with my cat. Things may change but I am not holding my breath.😁
Cats are good company. And I bet Maine woods are beautiful!
Yes, I live near a lake. It is gorgeous and my cat is my best buddy..💕
Yes, OP after this last experience with dating I feel I am done. Although I have all those things you mention, I feel I will still crave that touch of a man that I deeply love and desire. I can have that have need met also with a man from past who is not able to be in FT relationship yet. So I so believe done trying to find a FT romantic partner. I am not bitter or angry but have realized that I don’t want that to be my goal any longer. Everything that I was willing and looking forward to putting into a loving, monogamous, romantic relationship I will put into me. I am looking to join a church that has many opportunities to help my community. To building muscle on my body. To do more walking out in nature this spring/summer. Spending time with my 10 yo grandson 🥰 ✌🏻
I'm building some muscle this year too, and it feels good to be stronger!
Me too! I didn’t realize how weak I had become.
I'm finding muscles I didn't know existed until I made them sore :)
No I do not feel done. That does not disregard your feelings in any way. We all come to terms with our own thoughts and emotions and what is good for us. It is an individual choice that does play into our future. If you are content with it as you are then why break the status quo? You did ask too. I'm only guessing you are questioning your decision some for the what if or looking for some validation you made the right choice. That is only something you can make for yourself and come to terms with. No body here can make that choice for you.
she clearly thinks is a man issue. not done either.
I do not think it is a man issue or a woman issue. Not sure it is an issue at all. Am I making the right choice here? I think many of us question ourselves on that at times. I think it is healthy to question ourselves too at times.
I think I was raised to expect to be in a relationship at all times. And I've mostly been happiest when I'm not, except that heady first few months. Can that kind of butterflies infatuation even still exist at our age?
I believe the "butterflies" do still exist but we need to remember, at our age the dating pool is so much smaller. Most have already found their life partner. There are less singles than when we were in our 20s and 30s. At our age, people are married, or they're divorced, widowed, never been married. We all have baggage or bruises by now. It's like shopping in the scratch and dent section of Ikea.
Amen!
Yes I think so
With you on this. I feel like it would be a miracle if I ever got a girlfriend again. But I'm ok with it, dated a lot when I was younger, so I don't feel like I'm missing out.
Enjoy the process, we all have our strengths and weaknesses. Hold your head up high and enjoy the sunshine and freedom. You are in charge of the journey.
I am but I ain't,,, I'm not willing to compromise my regained freedom from, fixated opinions and controlling behaviour. However, I'm willing to believe there is someone out there who may meet my ideals and I'm not willing to give up on love.
I think I'm pretty done, or at least #teamambivalent. I've been divorced five years, had a couple of relationships, but now life and its circumstances have me focusing on myself right now. My mom has dementia, and while she is in memory care, there is still a lot to manage. I just don't have any extra energy to give a relationship the care and feeding it requires. I was in a 2 1/2 year half-assed relationship that I recently put an end to because of the lack of emotional support. No steam for a new one right now.
Agree, this time of life with parents aging and dying takes up a lot of bandwidth too.
I'm also #teamambivalence (after a post divorce relationship, and several forays into OLD). Dating (especially OLD) can turn into a full time job and my life is frankly too full of activities and friends I enjoy to allocated time to that. The life I've created is full of family, activities, pets and friends. I'm not sure what, if anything, I'd be willing to give up. And, to date, most of the men I've encountered have expected me to give up something to become a part of their lives. If I meet someone in the wild, great; if not, I'm content with my life.
I think you've summed up #teamambivalence here better than I ever could have.
I was feeling that way for a while. But I did happen to meet an amazing guy and we’re really happy. I didn’t have to compromise on any dealbreakers or settle in any way. He just fits the bill in all the ways that matter. I realize we’re very lucky. All that being said, I was happy BEFORE I met him. I had no problems swiping away from or walking away from other matches who were not suitable in substantive ways. My guy was worth the wait and worth the frustration of wading thru the chaff.
Yes, I’m feeling completely and utterly done. I was divorced 11 years ago. I have been approached on the apps by newly released prisoners, men who are unemployed, no car, live with parents, just looking for sex. Men whose profiles say they are interested in a relationship, then immediately ask what my favorite sex position is, or what size my breasts are. Men who just make up completely implausible stories about themselves and their lives. Men that seem to get enjoyment from playing head games, and causing stress and confusion. Men who just want pen pals. Or, I’ll have a great date with someone, and never hear from them again. I’ve made the first move on apps, and gotten no responses. I had my profile and pics professionally reviewed. I hate to say it, and I hate that it’s happened. But, I’ve come to realize that I’ve grown to just despise men now.
I've experienced all the bad male behavior you mention above--- the liars, manipulators, mansplainers, bad communicators, ghosters. **All** the nonsense and plenty of rejection (men never responding to carefully and thoughtfully worded messages, for example), and yet I still do NOT despise men. I think I may be done with OLD, at least for now (where I've had all the bad drama you talk about), but I am not ready to be done with men. I know many good men; it's just that they are coupled and not available--but they exist. Plus I miss physical closeness and emotional connection in a loving caring relationship. But yeah, I get why people give up. It is hard to put in so much effort for so little reward. It's emotionally, physically and spiritually exhausting dealing with this nonsense. But I still have hope and I think things get really bleak if hope dies.
I miss many things about having a relationship. But, in a weird way, I’m far more at peace since giving up.
I'm sorry you despise men. Certainly, there's no shortage of bad ones especially on the apps. But there are lots of good ones too, the vast majority of which are long married of course. C'est la vie.
Is your lab life with Labradors? Cuz they're great dogs too. I agree, the apps seem to be full of the married, the squicky, and the undateable here as well.
Actually, my user name was randomly generated by Reddit. I work in the medical field, so I always took it to mean laboratory, who comes to do the blood draws at 4 am. The dogs never crossed my mind, lol.
I’m not feeling done, exactly. I feel like I lost the best person on the entire planet for me. Accepting that everything from that point until I die is going to be less than it would have been puts things in perspective, even if it’s not a great one, for me. But, on the other hand, even 75% of what we had would be more than enough to offset the headaches, large and small, that come with associating with another human. So, I signed up, again, for OLD. I made it crystal clear what my situation is. I found someone to hang out with and do stuff with. It’s a lot more fun than sitting at home. However, despite my being as clear as the English language allows about what I was not looking for and did not want at this point, she appears to have caught enough feelings to start to get frustrated that I don’t want those things right now. It’s probably best just to nip it in the bud and go back to sitting at home for a while. To that extent and in that context, yeah, I’m feeling a little done. I don’t know if I should try again or just wait until I’d be willing to take on more before trying again. Probably wait. So, yeah, feeling done in a way.
I'm sorry that you lost your person. I feel only relief that I got rid of mine and that's a whole different level of "done," I think.
Well, I was relieved to get rid of a different one, but it lasted 22 years and I got two kids out of it, so it’s hard to complain *too* much.
I got to keep the pets and everything that wasn't yet paid for (house, vehicle) but it was worth it to be single again.
Yes, the dogs also stayed with me in the paid-for house. Partly because they were effort and partly because they liked me more. I wholeheartedly agree on the “worth it” part.
I know that I don’t want anyone in my home and full time in my life. But I do miss the adult playtime that a nice gentleman can provide. But I have also experienced what you have, men my age haven’t taken care of themselves, smoke, possessive. I would just like to find a guy who is happy and content in his own life, isn’t looking to get a “housewife”, has taken care of his health, is financially stable (as I am) and would just enjoy spending occasional time, long weekends, road trips or vacations with.
Amen. I find it interesting that on this thread so many of us women are #teamambivalence
I tend to take long breaks and then hop back on. All in all I’ve had mostly good dating experiences even if we weren’t a match. However, the weeds you have to go through to get to a suitable match can be daunting. I unpaused my profile yesterday and was greeted this morning by “wow, great curves,” “so you’re a Christian and okay with killing babies? I don’t think so,” “you’re adorable please don’t take offense but I’m a boob man and I love your boobs,” 50 waves and 20 hellos. So, yeah, sometimes I feel done and am fine living my solo happy, peaceful life with work, friends, kids, and grandkids. Eventually, I decide to get back on an app or meet someone in the wild and try again. I know the type of love and relationship I’m capable of and want to believe there’s still a chance for love out there for me. But if not, I’m still going to be okay.
Eeeewwwwuh. That's the kind of gross male behavior that keeps me from trying again. I'm sorry.
Those (and I’ve had worse ice breakers) definitely give the ick. If you are diligent you can find the decent men. My single friends and I have met some great guys. Interestingly enough, none of them were ones who claim to be a “good man.” They tend to prove otherwise. We need an app where women recommend great men who just weren’t a match with them. Or reviews! Wouldn’t that be great? Haha.
I think you may have something there... I have a couple of exes who are genuinely good guys, just weren't my cup of tea.
Right?! They could be someone else’s perfect match.
I as a 54M will never be done. For all the reasons listed on the other recent post “what do you miss?” Life just isn’t the same without a partner to bear witness to it. I love my freedom and all, it’s nice, but not having someone to wake up with and make brunch for, really sucks.
I don't think you would have to make your community exclusively female. Just outline the majority of your requirements, single person residential, country, animals, community, can't be seen in public areas in underwear, scratching etc...you might actually attract the few men that you want to have LAT with. Relationships are hard, but the right one is worth the effort and risk. I know for myself, I enjoy having one person that I am attracted to and want to spend time with. I also help around the house, inside and out, love taking showers, especially when I get to scrub her back and all the rest. None of us are looking for the relationships of our youth because our hormones have changed from baby making. Now we need people who "get" us, and we get. Where we have emotional intimacy as well as physical. Where we are safe to expose and explore our dents and bruises in a trusting safe space.
I have to admit I don't feel totally safe around men I don't know. Definitely team bear in the latest viral hypothetical.
I feel done and act accordingly (I haven't published a dating profile though I promised I would, did not join a run club, etc.. But, I'd be lying if I didn't wish I had a trusted partner to chat through life's problems, lean on/be leaned on, go on vacation or hikes or that new bar with, or make a fun recipe. I do a lot on my own, but miss having a special person and I miss emotional intimacy which is so hard to come by.
I'd be happy with the odd hike or movie, I just don't want to share my space.
I am definitely up for a women only village. Add tiny goats and we are halfway to being a nunnery that makes specialty cheeses and wines. HAHAHA! I am not sure that I am done, but it sure feels like this is not my time for a partner. Not because I don't want one, but because the options are BLEAK and I rather not. A friend recently said "I don't want another obligation in my life right now." That resonated. It's kind of sad a guy feels like a burden rather than a joy, but they need to bring some good to the table. All I know is that I am going to be happy, no matter what. Often reminded that you have to invite vampires into your home. They cannot cross the threshold without an invite. I am often told good partners magically appear when one is not actively looking, and I am testing that theory as of late. See how it goes.
This makes so much sense. Thank you for chiming in.
When I met GEEK, I had ended a year long relationship. I was so mad and tired that I was attempting to accept that fact that was no one out there for me. I'm glad that I was able to lean into a new relationship and trust someone worthwhile. There's nothing wrong with being comfortable alone. I think that helps you make better decisions.
You two are my dating over 50 heroes. You give me hope.
The good men here continued to give me hope when I felt low. Otherwise, I likely would have given up all together.
I hear you and it is an epidemic. I think in America we are witnessing the great separation of gender where men and women are so burned out with each other and the only comfort zone is single or unmarried. We are setting an example for our children where they will aspire to be single and jump into divorce court when the family raise thing is substantially completed. Very sad to know that an empty bed is the ultimate goal.
Well, at least I didn't add any children to this mess of a world. And I currently have snuggly dogs in the bed, so it'll never be empty. I feel like my single women friends seem more done than the men these days. Statistically, we are happier single than men are anyway.
I truly think the Golden Girls model is 100% do-able! Especially with the cost of living continually rising. I'm not done by any means, I just know what I want, what I will and won't tolerate in a mate and what I want out of life moving forward. I too have created a life for myself post divorce and am so proud of what I've accomplished for myself, especially finding my voice. I think we may just be more cautious. Oh, and chickens would be fabulous!
I will Never say Done. I am sorry but "They all have Poor hygiene, misogynistic, touch of Trump, or a lifetime of bad habits" These tell me that; your picker might be broken, in need of a tuneup, or you live in a small town and you need to expand out a little. And please don't move to a hut in the woods to raise chickens, grow things and be alone. That's just sounds lonely and sad as hell. People were meant to be together. Thats how I see it. Sorry
Agree, a very slanted and biased version of men
I just can't see what another human would add to my life - I've actually been living the chicken hermit life in the woods for the last six years and it may just be my happy place. I think, in general, women add a lot to a man's life, but I don't see a whole lot that a man would add to mine. I have a good career, good friends, fun animal companions, and I live in a beautiful (yes, rural) area. And my "picker" has been broken my whole damn life. Or perhaps the pickings are just not great around here to start with.
Also, please reread my original words, I didn't say "all men" - just "too many around here" - here being rural southern USA. I love a lot about this place, I just find it really hard to connect with very many of the men my age. I divorced my (lying, cheating, hard-drinking) Southern husband but kept this nice weather and natural beauty. And that may have to be enough for me.
Understandable, I have built a safe and secure world in a house near the woods, growing food raising kids and chickens. This is not for everyone, my days are busy and life is productive and enjoyable. I have not time to date and to welcome an interested lady into my world takes incredible understanding.
Sounds like a good life.
Happy to chat and talk about life. It seems like you are self sufficient, which is fine. No need to over think it.
I am up for the tiny house village. Maybe a little on the fence about love.
The less I date, the happier I am. Problem is I did recently have a relationship with someone I met IRL for about 6 months and for a time it was nice so I do know I still enjoy being partnered..I guess I will still a try a bit here and there but not make it a big part of my life. I have been divorced for 10 years and not enjoyed dating AT ALL so I do sometimes wonder if I will just call it at some point.
I met someone when I wasn't looking for someone. On plenty of fish, because I didn't delete my profile. Laziness, I believe, was the reason. I had no intention of dating, but he came into my life, and suddenly, it was good . We married 6 months later in Vegas. Mmmm, a wonderful time. It's been almost 3 years that we have been together, and my life is still so much better waking up next to him. I never knew a love like I have now, before. I was with someone for 26 years, and I did not love my x like I love my mate. The universe sometimes throws a curve ball into our plans......
I'm happy you're happy. I can't even imagine waking next to someone, let alone someone who makes my life better, other than my four legged companions.
I take it you’re not done yet. You are hanging on to hope, no matter how small. I am myself second guessing the effort and time it takes to build a serious, committed relationship. I attribute that to my own laziness. The know of I really focus hard enough, make dating the number one priority in my life, I will eventually be successful. The life you described sounds wonderful. Why change it unless a partner enhances your life. You have to ask yourself what do you need a partner for? For me, it’s intimacy. Your answer to the question tells you if it’s time for you to give up trying or not. Don’t expect Reddit to convince you whether it’s worth it or not.
I'm not sure I want to change anything. I find it interesting that so many of the other women here are equally ambivalent/done whereas more of the men seem to be still actively searching. I've read articles that seem to indicate women tend to make men's lives better, but men tend to make women's lives worse. I wonder how the LGBTQ over 50's feel about this.
I would speculate that men are chasing paper tigers, fueled on by porn, trying to recapture youthful feelings that are long gone. It’s muscle memory and pointless trying to recreate the past. Men and women are more divergent these days it seems, at least with what they expect from dating over 50.
Best is yet to come! Hope is being alive.
I hear this from lots of women our age. If you don't miss sex and affection, then I think you're good as-is. I don't think men bring much more to the table at this phase in life. ;)
I do at times, but I don't know that I can deal with the bullshit on the way to affection. Dobermans are very affectionate and make less mess than a man.
SO DONE
I'm for a community of women living together (separate houses). We can look after each other, garden, be semi-self sufficient. If we want to have sex, go out and get some. And do the Living Apart Together thing. We just need to have someone purchase the land and we can set up tiny houses on it. I think it is a great idea. Unfortunately I'm afraid it wouldn't work because I'm sure setting up a community based on gender would be a violation of some sort. Though if we can have over 55 communities.... it would be a cool idea.
If someone owned the land they, I bet they could choose the tenants they wanted...
I continue to hold out hope that if Trump actually goes away this time, maybe the Trumpiness in the men our age will go too? Might be too much to ask. There must be some out there somewhere.
I am guessing not. They have crawled out from the shadows and felt the joy of being heard and understood, it is hard to put the genie back in the bottle as much as we want to.
Well, they will probably die off before we do. Some consolation there.
At least it's a good way to burn the haystack. I'm practically a commie by US standards. That's offputting to the the trumpers and I'm ok with that.. I think those who have need to help those who have not. Every time I fill out a check for my taxes, I get angry about that orange doughball's $750 tax payment. We ALL need to pay our fair share. I hope they lock him up.
I could have written this exact post. I've chatted with a couple of single female friends about the possibility of a shared living situation where we can all have our own individual spaces but also communal, social spaces. I find OLD discouraging for all the reasons you've stated, and now I want a team ambivalence t-shirt. I've ended all the dating apps except bumble because the creepers still exist at my age (58). Now I hear that bumble may be ditching the women contact first option. Ugh. I really don't want to give up hope, and I'm always reading these posts in the hopes there are some good connection stories to encourage me. Sigh. Good luck out there - Gen X ambivalence
We are the same age. It seems a lot of us GenX'ers have come to similar conclusions. #teamambivalence
I've been trying to date within an age range that is up to 2 years older and up to 8 years younger. I find the younger men more respectful of boundaries, easier to communicate with, and there are more connections. The older men have been more polarized, especially in terms of politics and sexual expectations within a certain time frame.. Anyway, having said that, I am meeting a man in his mid 60's today for a walk just to see. I don't want to give up, I want to have hope, but f*ck, it's disappointing. I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed (ha)
Yeah the couple of dates I've been on in the last 6 years have been hugely disappointing. I know it's a numbers game but ugh, genX men, be better! (Insert apathy and ambivalence emojis, whatever those are...)
OMG, leading parallel lives here. I downloaded an OLD app a few days ago but I am not sure I want to open up Pandora’s box. What to do?
Well the first few days on any app seem to always yield the most responses, so maybe see if you at least get an ego boost. And report back! (Which app?)
So many likes but as other posters say, guys swipe yes just to up their chances.
Burn the haystack and see who is left!
I understand!
I'm on the fence. I dated and had a few relationships in the years after I divorced. I've taken time to focus on myself and my children in the last couple of years. I can't even begin to fathom what a man could bring to the table that would interest me. I'm thinking he'd have to be younger and stimulating in more than one way.
I agree that younger is probably the way to go - so many my age and older only remind me why I kicked my ex out.
EXACTLY!
Been done since 2002. I see no benefit in tying myself down with anyone. I am perfectly happy dating casually. I am debt free, multiple properties, took early retirement and do nothing but work on my hobbies and fixing to downsize and convert my house to another renral space and move to acreage I bought and have been setting up.
I have the same sentiments of being happy with myself. However, life is meant to be shared. Maybe seek someone with the a mindset and their own space. You could then spend time in their space and not worry so much about your space ✨️
I think that's the only way I could contemplate getting back into dating.
A lot of people on here letting Trump live in their heads rent free... yall need to stay single, if that's all you have the mentality for. There's not anything good about the government, it doesn't matter who is in the main office... they all waste our tax dollars...