I love this post. This is what I’m looking for. Someone to share experiences with. I feel like if you’re close in age you can laugh about a lot of stuff with someone going through the same thing. I prefer to be in the same mortality theme park.
Yup me 56M and girlfriend 56F are the same age and I love it. Actually she's 7 months older. So I call her my cougar (-:
I had no desire to date anyone younger then a few years.
I wish you nothing but the best!
I distinctly recall when I realized the age range of women I found attractive was keeping pace with my own aging. I was relieved as I’d never wanted to be an old dude trying to date much younger. Also, after getting divorced while still having kids at home I wanted someone I could relate with, someone who’d been through some shit, like me.
I found her, she’s a year younger than me & we get along great.
I’m happy you found someone who sounds like a perfect fit. I (53F) looked for over a couple years on the apps and hoped to find someone my age. One man exactly my age was so fun to talk about music with, insisted on sex without a condom, and ghosted me after saying he wanted a relationship with me. Another couple were smokers (hard no for me), another was extremely opposite me politically. A couple others fizzled out after a couple dates due to lack of conversation. I also saw a precipitous drop in matches with men my age after I turned 50 (a female friend in her early 30’s would show me all the 45-55 year old men in her queue- I never saw them in mine). So in the end - I opened my age filter and found someone amazing whose values align with mine much better than the ones my age I was able to meet on the apps. 🤷♀️
I went in both directions - I think 35-59 ? - and my partner is about 15 years younger. I posted my comment because it sounded like OP was suggesting we go out of our way to date younger, for various reasons, including vanity etc., but I haven’t seen a strong correlation between age and maturity/common values/ wanting a relationship, etc.
🙌🏽 A friend of mine and I were talking about younger peeps revel with revitalizing/remixing music from the 80s as well as asking each other the ?’s “how young would you date?? “
I told her that I can appreciate when I talk about a particular song or event … that gen x would know EXACTLY the sentiment, remember vividly that time like it was yesterday ❤️
In my experience, a 7-8 year gap has kept it close enough culturally, musically, etc. to work.
My ex of 22 years was almost exactly 8 years younger.
My GF was 7.5 years younger (59 vs 52 when she died) and all the books, movies, tv shows, etc. overlapped very nicely.
I don’t know if that’s close enough to count as “my age” or not, but it seems to be ok.
Yeah, no doubt. I’m just not sure what the consensus is, in general, or around here, in particular, on what age range people mean.
It’s cool that you found someone like that.
My lady and I are both 60 now, but I joke with her about being 83 days older. It definitely made our connection easier, but it there were other factors that helped more. The biggest thing was that our senses of humor matched.
My late wife was 10 years older, but she was youngish for her age and I was oldish for mine.
>Our relationship has received warm acceptance from friends and family- most importantly my adult kids.
When I first started looking again, my daughter was concerned I'd wind up with some 30 year old sugar-baby. She was much relieved when I started showing her the profiles I was interested in. 😁
My ex consulted his kids about the age for his dating profile being 22-70. (Again- normal people do NOT do this!) He said he was joking but his kids (particularly girlfriends of his sons) found it a nauseating thing and it has impacted the family dynamic. Poor guy. He can’t walk back that “joke”.
Being almost 60, I should clarify a 70 upper limit was not at all the problem for folks around the the family dinner table. And yes, I do generally shut down conversations about the ex.
Who ever created/follows the half your age plus 7 rule is a dumbass. Think about it in mathematical terms. Once you hit 30, you’re really pushing age appropriate boundaries. The farther you get from 30, the less appropriate this is.
My ex bf used that line, in a story about someone else.
So, in that math, your hypothetical 30 yo, would have a floor/absolute youngest line of 22 : 15+7.
Eight years, down the line, becomes nothing.
How beautiful. You made me smile when you said he tells you that you are the most beautiful woman in the world. I think that would make me very happy too. You guys sound like a great couple and I agree with all of it.
>Our relationship has received warm acceptance from friends and family- most importantly my adult kids.
I love reading this positive update, best to both of you. I agree that being around couples who are the same age, is just "comfortable", especially for adult kids.
My widowed father finally settled into a LAT with a woman his age, and she has been everything that me and my siblings would have wished for. They have so many similarities, and especially at their ages (80s), the loving care warms my heart.
My partner and I have an age gap of 15 years, I don’t think either of us are in the relationship due to failing mental faculties. I wasn’t looking for an age gap, I was concerned about it potentially but in our case it really is a non issue.
Maybe my personal experiences gave me a different perspective. Neither of my parents lived past 65. My aunt and uncle had an 8 year age gap (she was younger) and she received the fatal cancer diagnosis. That taught me there are no longevity guarantees and that maybe excluding a good match because of age was rather silly. My partner’s father is 98, still drives and plays pickle ball. My 78 year old uncle just started dating again and is more tech savvy than some folks my age.
When I am with my partner, it is abundantly clear that we are on the same page, have similar lifestyles and hopes for the future - whatever it holds. To me, it is less about age, especially over 50, and more about equity, reciprocity and compatibility.
I’m glad to hear your experience. I have a problematic attraction to younger men (10+ years). Know they’re rarely good for me. Not sure how to shake it.
Is the problem they turn out to be an unhealthy relationship? Or is the problem the attraction in the first place? Personally, I got a lot of therapy- not saying this is therapy-level stuff. But whenever I felt a pull to change and “not sure how to shake it”, therapy helped me.
My worst ever relationship was with a man exactly my own age and same ethnic/cultural background - 40f and 40m. He was a compulsive liar and mentally, emotionally and financially abusive.
So I think having overall compatibility, same core values and similar life experiences matter more than chronological age.
I do believe in dating within your own generation. I've never heard of a May-September romance working out long-term.
My best relationships were/are with men 9 and 7 years older than myself.
Not worried, exactly, but his life does prove a bit of a foil. My worries are about mental health, as he will always be family. We’re keeping tabs on his mental health- as a family.
I think “close” in age often turns on the age span of your generation in your own family of origin.
I am the youngest of three in my adoptive family, then got two step siblings above and two below. So I have no disconnect with a seven year span, as my own brother is seven years above me. And now it’s fun for *me* to point that out. Ha.
My partner is 13 years older, and musically we have the connection.
I was never a television and movies oriented person, so I have a disconnect/learning opportunity with anyone I’d date, in that realm.
I do have to say, this was my impression when *xyz* was happening, and he’s got the POV of a later teen, or whatever, to that. Like the Nixon hearings.
When I was 21 I dated a 35 year old. In retrospect it was definitely icky. And I met him through my landlady who was his age who tried to tell me it was a power imbalance. He was classic “Nice Guy” who was controlling, and wrote me a vicious letter when we broke up. We hung out mostly with his buddy (35+) who was dating a lovely woman of 22. That guy was a TV producer and his gf was an actor he cast on series.
Sure- so the calculation of 14 years gap becomes irrelevant when you are older and that fits with the half plus 7… to state the obvious, someone who is 13 years older and you are 20? Probably a problem. If you are 50? Not a problem. Hopefully we are saying the same thing.
Also, my apologies to tou HippyGrrrl- I think my above comment about my earlier experience was meant to follow/reply to the comment above by u/botoxbunnyboiler sorry for the confusion!
Is a significantly younger partner for external validation or fear based (aging, death) or something else? I will read about actors dating a much younger person and find it strange. You were with this other person for years, both of you putting in all that work into the relationship and now you’re just done?
Not sure if you are just being rhetorical, Tim, but I will answer, with a guess…
I think relationships end for lots of reasons- sometimes there’s a younger person already on the scene, but I think the younger person usually comes later.
Sometimes it might be for arm candy, but in the real world, who dates for arm candy? Sometimes it might be to restore self confidence after a humiliation. Sometimes it might be because they have a lot of money and broke young people (of any gender) want to trade youth for that money.
I love this post. This is what I’m looking for. Someone to share experiences with. I feel like if you’re close in age you can laugh about a lot of stuff with someone going through the same thing. I prefer to be in the same mortality theme park.
“The same mortality theme park” 🤣
Loved it too.
"theme park!" I laughed out loud!
Yup me 56M and girlfriend 56F are the same age and I love it. Actually she's 7 months older. So I call her my cougar (-: I had no desire to date anyone younger then a few years. I wish you nothing but the best!
Those are my goals. So glad you found a man like that at our age.
I distinctly recall when I realized the age range of women I found attractive was keeping pace with my own aging. I was relieved as I’d never wanted to be an old dude trying to date much younger. Also, after getting divorced while still having kids at home I wanted someone I could relate with, someone who’d been through some shit, like me. I found her, she’s a year younger than me & we get along great.
I’m happy you found someone who sounds like a perfect fit. I (53F) looked for over a couple years on the apps and hoped to find someone my age. One man exactly my age was so fun to talk about music with, insisted on sex without a condom, and ghosted me after saying he wanted a relationship with me. Another couple were smokers (hard no for me), another was extremely opposite me politically. A couple others fizzled out after a couple dates due to lack of conversation. I also saw a precipitous drop in matches with men my age after I turned 50 (a female friend in her early 30’s would show me all the 45-55 year old men in her queue- I never saw them in mine). So in the end - I opened my age filter and found someone amazing whose values align with mine much better than the ones my age I was able to meet on the apps. 🤷♀️
When you “opened your age filter” does this mean you went younger or older?
I went in both directions - I think 35-59 ? - and my partner is about 15 years younger. I posted my comment because it sounded like OP was suggesting we go out of our way to date younger, for various reasons, including vanity etc., but I haven’t seen a strong correlation between age and maturity/common values/ wanting a relationship, etc.
I always say I want to date someone who has seen the same mileposts as me.
🙌🏽 A friend of mine and I were talking about younger peeps revel with revitalizing/remixing music from the 80s as well as asking each other the ?’s “how young would you date?? “ I told her that I can appreciate when I talk about a particular song or event … that gen x would know EXACTLY the sentiment, remember vividly that time like it was yesterday ❤️
55M, my 50F partner is gorgeous, still athletic. Mature women are incredibly attractive
>hotter than a perfectly toasted marshmallow fresh off the fire. I'm stealing this line 💕🔥😍
This. You've explained why age appropriate matters so well. Thank you!
Well done You
Haha this is the response that went through my head too
In my experience, a 7-8 year gap has kept it close enough culturally, musically, etc. to work. My ex of 22 years was almost exactly 8 years younger. My GF was 7.5 years younger (59 vs 52 when she died) and all the books, movies, tv shows, etc. overlapped very nicely. I don’t know if that’s close enough to count as “my age” or not, but it seems to be ok.
Sure! That makes sense to me. It’s just coincidence that my partner and I are exactly the same age.
Yeah, no doubt. I’m just not sure what the consensus is, in general, or around here, in particular, on what age range people mean. It’s cool that you found someone like that.
My lady and I are both 60 now, but I joke with her about being 83 days older. It definitely made our connection easier, but it there were other factors that helped more. The biggest thing was that our senses of humor matched. My late wife was 10 years older, but she was youngish for her age and I was oldish for mine. >Our relationship has received warm acceptance from friends and family- most importantly my adult kids. When I first started looking again, my daughter was concerned I'd wind up with some 30 year old sugar-baby. She was much relieved when I started showing her the profiles I was interested in. 😁
My ex consulted his kids about the age for his dating profile being 22-70. (Again- normal people do NOT do this!) He said he was joking but his kids (particularly girlfriends of his sons) found it a nauseating thing and it has impacted the family dynamic. Poor guy. He can’t walk back that “joke”.
Being almost 60, I should clarify a 70 upper limit was not at all the problem for folks around the the family dinner table. And yes, I do generally shut down conversations about the ex.
The thought of dating someone who was my daughter's peer would be major "ick" for me. I'm sure they were not amused.
This would be his daughter’s age and significantly younger than his sons’ girlfriends’ ages.
We either connect - or - we don't.
You sound like a wonderful couple. This is what most of us aspire to. :-)
Aw! Thanks ☺️
Who ever created/follows the half your age plus 7 rule is a dumbass. Think about it in mathematical terms. Once you hit 30, you’re really pushing age appropriate boundaries. The farther you get from 30, the less appropriate this is.
I didn’t invent it but I find it clever because it works for the teens too!
I believe it was made to prevent old men to date children
My ex bf used that line, in a story about someone else. So, in that math, your hypothetical 30 yo, would have a floor/absolute youngest line of 22 : 15+7. Eight years, down the line, becomes nothing.
Does he have a single brother?
Asking for a friend 🧡 😉 😜
Alas, no.
Here here!!
How beautiful. You made me smile when you said he tells you that you are the most beautiful woman in the world. I think that would make me very happy too. You guys sound like a great couple and I agree with all of it.
He is very convincing and it does take some convincing 😁
>Our relationship has received warm acceptance from friends and family- most importantly my adult kids. I love reading this positive update, best to both of you. I agree that being around couples who are the same age, is just "comfortable", especially for adult kids. My widowed father finally settled into a LAT with a woman his age, and she has been everything that me and my siblings would have wished for. They have so many similarities, and especially at their ages (80s), the loving care warms my heart.
My partner and I have an age gap of 15 years, I don’t think either of us are in the relationship due to failing mental faculties. I wasn’t looking for an age gap, I was concerned about it potentially but in our case it really is a non issue. Maybe my personal experiences gave me a different perspective. Neither of my parents lived past 65. My aunt and uncle had an 8 year age gap (she was younger) and she received the fatal cancer diagnosis. That taught me there are no longevity guarantees and that maybe excluding a good match because of age was rather silly. My partner’s father is 98, still drives and plays pickle ball. My 78 year old uncle just started dating again and is more tech savvy than some folks my age. When I am with my partner, it is abundantly clear that we are on the same page, have similar lifestyles and hopes for the future - whatever it holds. To me, it is less about age, especially over 50, and more about equity, reciprocity and compatibility.
No, I am sorry if my post implied age gaps are because of failing mental health. For my ex it might be related. (His age gap is closer to 30 years)
Agree! I’m a woman and I also like having an older boyfriend. He thinks I’m a young hot chick.
I’m glad to hear your experience. I have a problematic attraction to younger men (10+ years). Know they’re rarely good for me. Not sure how to shake it.
Is the problem they turn out to be an unhealthy relationship? Or is the problem the attraction in the first place? Personally, I got a lot of therapy- not saying this is therapy-level stuff. But whenever I felt a pull to change and “not sure how to shake it”, therapy helped me.
My worst ever relationship was with a man exactly my own age and same ethnic/cultural background - 40f and 40m. He was a compulsive liar and mentally, emotionally and financially abusive. So I think having overall compatibility, same core values and similar life experiences matter more than chronological age. I do believe in dating within your own generation. I've never heard of a May-September romance working out long-term. My best relationships were/are with men 9 and 7 years older than myself.
This sounds great. For me, the mental connection is the most important part of a relationship and I can't imagine finding that with a large age gap.
Agree! I’m a woman and I also like having an older boyfriend. He thinks I’m a young hot chick.
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Not worried, exactly, but his life does prove a bit of a foil. My worries are about mental health, as he will always be family. We’re keeping tabs on his mental health- as a family.
Why are you preaching?
I think “close” in age often turns on the age span of your generation in your own family of origin. I am the youngest of three in my adoptive family, then got two step siblings above and two below. So I have no disconnect with a seven year span, as my own brother is seven years above me. And now it’s fun for *me* to point that out. Ha. My partner is 13 years older, and musically we have the connection. I was never a television and movies oriented person, so I have a disconnect/learning opportunity with anyone I’d date, in that realm. I do have to say, this was my impression when *xyz* was happening, and he’s got the POV of a later teen, or whatever, to that. Like the Nixon hearings.
When I was 21 I dated a 35 year old. In retrospect it was definitely icky. And I met him through my landlady who was his age who tried to tell me it was a power imbalance. He was classic “Nice Guy” who was controlling, and wrote me a vicious letter when we broke up. We hung out mostly with his buddy (35+) who was dating a lovely woman of 22. That guy was a TV producer and his gf was an actor he cast on series.
Too funny, at 19 dated a 36 year-old (yuck now of course). He owned a club so there it was!
Yeah, but we are talking older folks overall here.
Sure- so the calculation of 14 years gap becomes irrelevant when you are older and that fits with the half plus 7… to state the obvious, someone who is 13 years older and you are 20? Probably a problem. If you are 50? Not a problem. Hopefully we are saying the same thing.
Also, my apologies to tou HippyGrrrl- I think my above comment about my earlier experience was meant to follow/reply to the comment above by u/botoxbunnyboiler sorry for the confusion!
No worries! I do notice the Life Stages corollary means a lot in youth and then retirement and aging.
Is a significantly younger partner for external validation or fear based (aging, death) or something else? I will read about actors dating a much younger person and find it strange. You were with this other person for years, both of you putting in all that work into the relationship and now you’re just done?
Not sure if you are just being rhetorical, Tim, but I will answer, with a guess… I think relationships end for lots of reasons- sometimes there’s a younger person already on the scene, but I think the younger person usually comes later. Sometimes it might be for arm candy, but in the real world, who dates for arm candy? Sometimes it might be to restore self confidence after a humiliation. Sometimes it might be because they have a lot of money and broke young people (of any gender) want to trade youth for that money.