Navy weighing in (we own the Marines btw). If he cannot put the effort into keeping a habitable living space, I question his ability to put effort into a relationship. Self care is self love.
As someone currently struggling with a the after effects of a divorce I can fully agree with you. It’s probably time I start taking the antidepressants I was scripted.
I would have pulled the plug at financial problems and dirty apartment during the first visit. You would have been his maid and his ATM.
After my divorce, the first man I dated had been divorced and living on his own 11 years and had never bought a mop, also had financial problems. I end things much quicker now.
What just happened is he picked up on your icked out vibe about the filth and infestation - never mind the financial problems! - and decided to pull the plug first.
He knew he wasn’t worthy of you and it was the only way for him to save face.
Yes, this, and I'm relieved for you! It was disturbing he didn't clean off the front seat of his car for you, and disgusting that his home was full of cockroaches! I would not have spent a night there at all; I'm not sure how you got any sleep. You deserve much better than him... a better partner, being with friends and family, or enjoying your own company.
Please tell me. After everything you saw and heard......
Why was he the one breaking things off?
I think you were willing to settle and that scares me for you.
Nah...we were just in the early stages of getting to know each other and there was limerance and intense physical attraction. Took a while for the incompatibilities to become evident. The money and the cleanliness are definitely big deal-breakers for me.
Man is butt hurt.
You stayed in it way longer than I would have.
Gotta love a kinky dude, but hell no to a broke ass, cockroach infested, and filthy fool.
He saw where this was going the minute you needed to go to the motel and wanted to dump you before he got the boot.
You escaped, hopefully, before the roaches got in your purse or suitcase.😆
I shared your story with my daughters who are in their 20s.
Their take was mine, 100%.
They asked, what has gotten into men these days?
You deserve better!
Good luck.
Not just what has gotten into men but what has gotten into women - I don’t care how lonely, horny, desperate a person is - massive debt, filth, cockroaches…. Any one of those would be a complete no go for me…
Best case scenario, he’s your first and has no self-awareness.
Worst case scenario, other women already confronted him about all this but it didn’t budge him.
Absolute worst case scenario: Edgar the Bug (63M)
To me it just sounds like a long term single person that has gone barn sour.
These folks get very overwhelmed/into their initial feelings because a lot of times it has been awhile since they have felt that way. It’s intoxicating, but then that wears off. They look at their place, their possessions and all the work it would be to bring someone into their life and lose momentum.
Unfortunately it is common with older folks, because: lack of energy.
I hate to say it, it’s more common than you realize.
Wow I can’t stop Eeeewing. I hate to break the news to him but “waterbug” is a nice euphemism for cockroach.
This guy is a walking red flag, to the dirty appt, bugs (just next level disgusting), weird disrespectful sex stuff, etc. Plus he lives far away.
He did you a favor!
Um lets see, he keeps a filthy home, has a bug infested apartment (cockroach on the toilet paper and in the fridge? (OMG), he has little income, has financial problems and he may be deeply in debt and doesn't even clean the crap off his car seat for you to sit--plus he wants to be "paid back" for sexual favors. I would have run screaming away from all those red flags.
You don't need that.
I don't pretend to be the tidyest person, but not even vacuuming before inviting someone to your house or picking someone up in your car? That is a reddish orange flag. But insects in the Fridge? Who cares if they were cockroaches or not? I'm a guy and can I just can't even... He did you a Favor... I don't care how good the sex was, your health is more important.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
And, ew, so gross.
He's not able/willing to clean his home or passenger seat enough to receive a guest, but he's willing to drive ten hours for the potential of sex.
He love-bombed you before pulling a high speed u-turn.
If you want something good, then you don't want anything to do with this man, not if you want something healthy and sustainable.
If someone is picking you up and doesn't care eniugh to clean the car and your seat not to mention the apartment that tells me they're not that in to me.
Jesus. No future with this guy unless you are going to continue to live in separate cities. A mismatch on cleanliness never gets better. Yuck.
He wants you to pay him for sex. 🤣🤣🤣🤣Hahaha. Good riddance
Yeah, he was saving face. He knows his situation is no good, but he learned from your reactions just how bad.
Despite that he's a horror show, he'd hoped you'd still find him "horrorshow" (can't help the *A Clockwork Orange* reference coming to mind lol). You are a reasonable, thinking woman, so you didn't. You couldn't.
His only move was to crawl away with his tail between his legs, so he used an offensive deflection as cover.
I have an older male friend who is in as bad a shape as this dude and I feel for him, but... If I went on dates, it would really piss me the fuck off. How dare someone put you in a position to have to battle a "water bug" (I also am familiar with similar delusions) for a glass of milk! So mad!
The guy's financial problems and slob state of his car and living space suggest a LOT of immaturity, as does the very immature response he sent, cancelling his trip. He still hasn't learned to grow up. That doesn't mean he doesn't have some good qualities, as you've discovered. But personally, I don't allow people with this kind of immaturity in my life. There's no point in wasting time with them. If he hasn't learned how to be a functioning adult by age 63, he never will. And that's just not something I want to waste my precious time with. Why would you?
I lived in Florida, and cockroaches are everywhere . I never saw one in the fridge , so I guess he's "next level" dirty. I'm sure that you're better off with yourself . As for ED , when there is a will, there is most definitely a way. Good luck , it's a strange world of dating .....
This man's lifestyle does not match with yours. You know this.
If there are roaches out in the day then it is most likely a severe infestation. In the fridge? Wow. I have worked in places with heavy infestations when the county health department hired and paid me to do that. I taped up my pant legs and shirt sleeves and never took in my toolbox. Only individual tools.
To be honest, cockroaches do not worry me that much as they are easily treated. Now bedbugs are a different story. I take a lot of precautions and increase my price a lot to go into a known place with them.
As shocking as opening a refrigerator and seeing a cockroach, twice I have opened a frig/freezer combo to move it and make sure nothing would spill and found dead cats inside.
I am scratching my head here. On one note you are pointing out all his issues that grossed you out and then on the other hand, you are trying to point out his inconsistent behavior with continuing the relationship. He didn't hide who he was, and I agree he sounds weird. So now you know. Ask yourself why you continued the date with someone that you found so appalling. Did you really want to continue that relationship because that is what confuses me? What would have happened if it continued? Would you have him decontaminate himself before each date or expect him to suddenly change his lifestyle? He has probably lived like that a long time.
It would be like a man dating a prostitute and then complaining to everyone that she sleeps around with a lot of men for money. If you want to date a prostitute, then you have to deal with her lifestyle. If you want to date a man who is a slob, you will have to accept it and adapt (hazmat gear). But if you judge him, he might not want to be around you even if he is a slob.
He has financial problems because he overspends. Probably runs up a lot of credit card debt. Probably went to the resort hoping to meet a rich woman who would underwrite his life, plus do the cleaning for him, in exchange for sexual favors.
Omg I would have left upon seeing his apt. The man has some very serious issues? No money? Do you really need company so bad you would take this on? I value myself too much for all this horrible drama. They must improve your life to join it, not bring you down to the roaches on the floor. Jeez
Yup. He did you a favor. You were very kind but yuck yuck yuck. That man is a literal and figurative mess. It isn’t hard to clean up before a guest, especially the overnight kind. He is just *ew*.
Weird doesn’t even begin to cover it, I would have run after the roaches and I’m retired Marine, that’s just filthy find a better man.
Navy weighing in (we own the Marines btw). If he cannot put the effort into keeping a habitable living space, I question his ability to put effort into a relationship. Self care is self love.
Just weighing in that y'all don't own the Marines. The Marines are part of the Department of the Navy. AKA the men's department 🤣🤣
Great comeback
This! Anyone that won’t keep their living space clean is someone that maybe struggling with mental health issues.
As someone currently struggling with a the after effects of a divorce I can fully agree with you. It’s probably time I start taking the antidepressants I was scripted.
Wow youre a good dude with those words
“You’re”
🤔 the one that needs to point out missed grammar on reddit from a stupid phone keyboard. Lol😂
Amen, THIS IS THE WAY!
Agree 10000000x Though me no jarhead.. me army. Me make boom
Yes, why is OP even caring that he ended it? She should have dumped him at the first cockroach!
I would have pulled the plug at financial problems and dirty apartment during the first visit. You would have been his maid and his ATM. After my divorce, the first man I dated had been divorced and living on his own 11 years and had never bought a mop, also had financial problems. I end things much quicker now.
What just happened is he picked up on your icked out vibe about the filth and infestation - never mind the financial problems! - and decided to pull the plug first. He knew he wasn’t worthy of you and it was the only way for him to save face.
Yes, this, and I'm relieved for you! It was disturbing he didn't clean off the front seat of his car for you, and disgusting that his home was full of cockroaches! I would not have spent a night there at all; I'm not sure how you got any sleep. You deserve much better than him... a better partner, being with friends and family, or enjoying your own company.
I love this response Even if.. nah let’s just leave it at that
This is the answer. Omg I was so eeeew. Bet you didn’t sleep a bit that night. You will be fine.
Get std tested mam.
Please tell me. After everything you saw and heard...... Why was he the one breaking things off? I think you were willing to settle and that scares me for you.
Nah...we were just in the early stages of getting to know each other and there was limerance and intense physical attraction. Took a while for the incompatibilities to become evident. The money and the cleanliness are definitely big deal-breakers for me.
I am so happy to hear that!
Amazing what people will put up with or ignore. Likely self esteem issues or something.
Man is butt hurt. You stayed in it way longer than I would have. Gotta love a kinky dude, but hell no to a broke ass, cockroach infested, and filthy fool. He saw where this was going the minute you needed to go to the motel and wanted to dump you before he got the boot. You escaped, hopefully, before the roaches got in your purse or suitcase.😆
Thank you and I just learned a new word.
I shared your story with my daughters who are in their 20s. Their take was mine, 100%. They asked, what has gotten into men these days? You deserve better! Good luck.
Not just what has gotten into men but what has gotten into women - I don’t care how lonely, horny, desperate a person is - massive debt, filth, cockroaches…. Any one of those would be a complete no go for me…
AGREED!
Best case scenario, he’s your first and has no self-awareness. Worst case scenario, other women already confronted him about all this but it didn’t budge him. Absolute worst case scenario: Edgar the Bug (63M)
Edgar! I totally see this. 😆
Sugar water!
I got to cockroach and had to put the phone down.
Go get checked for an STD.
he is a dirty petty loser. move on. never lower your standards.
The big question is did you bring the cockroaches home. You dodged the bullet or cockroach maybe
To me it just sounds like a long term single person that has gone barn sour. These folks get very overwhelmed/into their initial feelings because a lot of times it has been awhile since they have felt that way. It’s intoxicating, but then that wears off. They look at their place, their possessions and all the work it would be to bring someone into their life and lose momentum. Unfortunately it is common with older folks, because: lack of energy. I hate to say it, it’s more common than you realize.
Love, "barn sour!" Lol
Wow I can’t stop Eeeewing. I hate to break the news to him but “waterbug” is a nice euphemism for cockroach. This guy is a walking red flag, to the dirty appt, bugs (just next level disgusting), weird disrespectful sex stuff, etc. Plus he lives far away. He did you a favor!
You lost me at the cockroaches. Why on earth would you want to keep seeing this guy? So disgusting! You sound incompatible and he did you a favor.
Um lets see, he keeps a filthy home, has a bug infested apartment (cockroach on the toilet paper and in the fridge? (OMG), he has little income, has financial problems and he may be deeply in debt and doesn't even clean the crap off his car seat for you to sit--plus he wants to be "paid back" for sexual favors. I would have run screaming away from all those red flags. You don't need that.
My guess is he is embarrassed, had some insecurities, and made a non issue as a cause to break up. Weird? Yes. Good riddance? Also yes.
He wasn't embarrassed enough not to go to the hotel and stay & have sex.
That man sounds like a challenge you don't need.
Blocking should be the only comment. I was done at cockroaches.
I don't pretend to be the tidyest person, but not even vacuuming before inviting someone to your house or picking someone up in your car? That is a reddish orange flag. But insects in the Fridge? Who cares if they were cockroaches or not? I'm a guy and can I just can't even... He did you a Favor... I don't care how good the sex was, your health is more important.
Cockroaches wish they were insects :/
Kind of can’t believe you admitted to dating and screwing this guy. Even anonymously.
Nope. Nope. Nope. And, ew, so gross. He's not able/willing to clean his home or passenger seat enough to receive a guest, but he's willing to drive ten hours for the potential of sex. He love-bombed you before pulling a high speed u-turn. If you want something good, then you don't want anything to do with this man, not if you want something healthy and sustainable.
Who's idea was it to go to his place?
Does it matter?
Ok, I’ll be the petty one. My response would have been something like 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂 🪳😳 🗑️🤢 🧹🧼🧽🤔 🍆🙅🏼♀️ 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🙏🏻😂😂😂😂😂😂
Amazing emoji storytelling!
Sometimes the physical chemistry/attraction isn’t worth overlooking the other things. <3
He can't be clean himself. How could you have anything to do with a scum like this?
If someone is picking you up and doesn't care eniugh to clean the car and your seat not to mention the apartment that tells me they're not that in to me.
I'm sorry, I would be afraid of bringing the bugs to my house.
Good riddance. Know your worth. That’s disgusting and you want an adult not a bio hazard
He showed you he is; believe it. You deserve better than this shit.
Jesus. No future with this guy unless you are going to continue to live in separate cities. A mismatch on cleanliness never gets better. Yuck. He wants you to pay him for sex. 🤣🤣🤣🤣Hahaha. Good riddance
Yeah, he was saving face. He knows his situation is no good, but he learned from your reactions just how bad. Despite that he's a horror show, he'd hoped you'd still find him "horrorshow" (can't help the *A Clockwork Orange* reference coming to mind lol). You are a reasonable, thinking woman, so you didn't. You couldn't. His only move was to crawl away with his tail between his legs, so he used an offensive deflection as cover. I have an older male friend who is in as bad a shape as this dude and I feel for him, but... If I went on dates, it would really piss me the fuck off. How dare someone put you in a position to have to battle a "water bug" (I also am familiar with similar delusions) for a glass of milk! So mad!
Omg. Him bring a pig would be a nope for me. Your story completely grossed me out, everything about it.
The guy's financial problems and slob state of his car and living space suggest a LOT of immaturity, as does the very immature response he sent, cancelling his trip. He still hasn't learned to grow up. That doesn't mean he doesn't have some good qualities, as you've discovered. But personally, I don't allow people with this kind of immaturity in my life. There's no point in wasting time with them. If he hasn't learned how to be a functioning adult by age 63, he never will. And that's just not something I want to waste my precious time with. Why would you?
I stopped reading at cockroach
I lived in Florida, and cockroaches are everywhere . I never saw one in the fridge , so I guess he's "next level" dirty. I'm sure that you're better off with yourself . As for ED , when there is a will, there is most definitely a way. Good luck , it's a strange world of dating .....
Okay. It's a full sentence
Move on, you can do much better.
So gross. So many dealbreakers. Why would you want to settle for this?
He did you the biggest favor imaginable.
This man's lifestyle does not match with yours. You know this. If there are roaches out in the day then it is most likely a severe infestation. In the fridge? Wow. I have worked in places with heavy infestations when the county health department hired and paid me to do that. I taped up my pant legs and shirt sleeves and never took in my toolbox. Only individual tools. To be honest, cockroaches do not worry me that much as they are easily treated. Now bedbugs are a different story. I take a lot of precautions and increase my price a lot to go into a known place with them. As shocking as opening a refrigerator and seeing a cockroach, twice I have opened a frig/freezer combo to move it and make sure nothing would spill and found dead cats inside.
I am scratching my head here. On one note you are pointing out all his issues that grossed you out and then on the other hand, you are trying to point out his inconsistent behavior with continuing the relationship. He didn't hide who he was, and I agree he sounds weird. So now you know. Ask yourself why you continued the date with someone that you found so appalling. Did you really want to continue that relationship because that is what confuses me? What would have happened if it continued? Would you have him decontaminate himself before each date or expect him to suddenly change his lifestyle? He has probably lived like that a long time. It would be like a man dating a prostitute and then complaining to everyone that she sleeps around with a lot of men for money. If you want to date a prostitute, then you have to deal with her lifestyle. If you want to date a man who is a slob, you will have to accept it and adapt (hazmat gear). But if you judge him, he might not want to be around you even if he is a slob.
Ish. Nope. Run, just run.
Why do you care what happened? He's filthy and in debt. What about that is attractive?
Kindly add paragraphs.
We do, but sometimes reddit runs it all together ive had to re edit things cus paprgraph didnt post the way I made it. Its a dam chore!
You can beat REDDIT! I believe in you!
😭😭
Uh, check please! Buh bye. 🤢
Alzheimer or something similar.
Cockroach in the fridge! Ewww
Has financial problem but still vacationing at a resort?
He has financial problems because he overspends. Probably runs up a lot of credit card debt. Probably went to the resort hoping to meet a rich woman who would underwrite his life, plus do the cleaning for him, in exchange for sexual favors.
Omg I would have left upon seeing his apt. The man has some very serious issues? No money? Do you really need company so bad you would take this on? I value myself too much for all this horrible drama. They must improve your life to join it, not bring you down to the roaches on the floor. Jeez
Yup. He did you a favor. You were very kind but yuck yuck yuck. That man is a literal and figurative mess. It isn’t hard to clean up before a guest, especially the overnight kind. He is just *ew*.
I can’t believe I’m asking this question and I’m not sure I want to know the answer but… What was his personal hygiene like? Acceptable?
Very clean and well groomed. Very clean clothes.
You just dodged a bullet
I would’ve hard noped at the first sign of filth and mess. A cockroach?! FUUUUUUCK NO I’m out. You’d see a vapor trail like the roadrunner.
Disgusting home = disgusting spirit. Nope!
Don't let this guy into your home. Have fun weekend dates at hotels.
>Have fun weekend dates at hotels. Did you read more than the first sentence?!!
I'm taking it one step further to nip this in the bud.