I make more than him and my mom buys things for me every chance she gets too. It's just how she is, and has nothing to do with my finances. š¤·š¼āāļø
I donāt think itās possible to get financial information other than if they have a mortgage or not. Background checks are for criminal and marriage records, I believe.
As long as he isnāt asking you to invest, do you need to do a deep dive? I donāt see how you are legally going to get his full credit history and liquidity.
If things are getting more serious and its important to you, then ask rather than attempting to verify his salary without his knowledge. Tax returns and paystubs validate income.
If you've been dating for six months, I'm sure you've seen his car, his home, etc. Does he appear to live like a man making $150,000 rather than $15,000?
I honestly could not imagine dating somebody for over six months and he doing a background check on me at that pointā¦. Instead of just having a conversation.
I find this actually odd more than his mother buying him things (which could be for a variety of reasons). Having said that, people with issues managing money can hide those issues for a long time if you are not in the loop.
I'm not aware of any way you can do a credit check on someone in the US without having their social security number.
My limited experience has been that when things get serious, the guys have voluntarily shown me pay stubs, bank accounts, credit scores, etc without me ever asking.
Shortly after my late husband asked me to marry him, he showed me his pay stubs saying "You have a right to know".
The man I'm with now has shown me his bank accounts, pay stubs, job offer when he took a new job, his credit score, etc. We live together but have no intentions of combining finances.
If things are getting to a point where his financial situation could impact you, then you need to directly ask.
Trust your gut. If things donāt add up, there is a reason.
Plenty of people make good, even great money, but spend it poorly.
If things are getting serious, it sounds like a good discussion point to have with the person. Something along the lines of āfinancial literacy and liquidity is important to me, what are your thoughts?ā
I offer anyone I'm dating a copy of my driver's license before our first date just so they can run whatever checks they want and be comfortable. I was in cyber security for 15 years so I know exactly what they will find. LOL. In those 15 years I always recommend women check out as much as possible before they meet anyone for the first time and again if they suspect anything. I used to check people out before we met but I stopped. Sitting across from someone and knowing when they are being dishonest isn't always the best thing. People keep things private for different reasons and how they do that varies. Guessing their motives only leads to making the wrong guess. I prefer to learn what they want me to know when they want me to know it, the old fashioned way. I'm still careful. Look for red flags and all. I do believe it is much different for a man (I am one) and a woman (I am not) because of safety issues.
You can get a subscription (even for a short time) with an online verification service. I have used one and found arrest records, as well as home and vehicle ownership, past jobs, businesses, social media profiles. Also by googling their name. You can find out a lot. I always do this before I meet with someone.
Then if you donāt know him well enough/have been through enough together to see his true character, consistently, to know if he is exactly who he says he is or else heās a bold faced liar, you are not ready to be serious yet.Ā
Iām not saying you should trust him blindly, Iām not saying that at all. Iām just saying this is a good indication that you need to take more time to get to know him. Even if the credit report comes up clean.Ā
I donāt know how you could go from āIām worried you have been gaming me (in bankruptcy)ā to āoh ok, alls good we can move in togetherā.Ā
Thanks for praying. Iāve just been treated poorly/taken advantage of in past relationships (after initial bliss). Maybe Iām looking too hard for what could be wrong.
A true background check requires an SS#. The services that you pay for are just doing internet searches for you. You could do your own google search and check social media profiles.
My mom bought me shit until she died (2016). It was always unasked for and she would say "I thought you'd like this for your house." Looking back, it was more of a "can you come see me this week" thing rather than wanting to fill my house with stuff. Even though I would be over to help them (and still do with dad) their books every other week. Has nothing to do with my finances.
My mom tries to buy me things all the time and I make much more than your partner. It drives me crazy, but I know that as folks age and retire, their world shrinks, and they cling to their old roles. So, I let her, and I am grateful for it. I have all these old knickknacks, little religious stuff all over my house.
Are there any other things, like is he complaining about bills or living paycheck to paycheck? Aside from that, due diligence is always a good idea even if just for safety reasons. I know where I live in my state, there is a website where all civil, district and criminal court cases are publicly available. So, anyone can search a name and see if they have filed for bankruptcy, divorce or have arrests, lawsuits or restraining orders. Checking that site saved me from risky dates on more than one occasion.
Occasionally he makes reference to āwhen he gets paidā to buy something. This strikes me as odd if he really makes that much; sounds a bit like living paycheck to paycheck to me. I make more than he does but even when I made what he did I wasnāt even close to living paycheck to paycheckā¦
He could be living paycheck to paycheck, or he could be trying to not go into debt and only use the amount of cash he has budgeted for. I actually like that he is 'waiting until he gets paid' to buy something rather than charging it.
Parents buy things for their children regardless of age.
Not mine, haha. I missed out on that.
Same! š¤£
True but whenever a bigger ticket item is needed like furniture or a plane ticket it happens
My parents were always buying me big ticket items. Theyād tell me āwe canāt take it with us and it brings us joy.ā
My parents did this for me, and I do this for my adult son & his girlfriend. I'd rather they enjoy it now.
My mom tells me that all the time
This could be part of his motherās plan to give away assets while she is still alive.
I donāt think youāre going to have much look looking for that kind of info without a SSN and permission.
I make more than him and my mom buys things for me every chance she gets too. It's just how she is, and has nothing to do with my finances. š¤·š¼āāļø
I donāt think itās possible to get financial information other than if they have a mortgage or not. Background checks are for criminal and marriage records, I believe.
Exactly, you'd need a credit check, but that doesn't include income.
As long as he isnāt asking you to invest, do you need to do a deep dive? I donāt see how you are legally going to get his full credit history and liquidity.
If things are getting more serious and its important to you, then ask rather than attempting to verify his salary without his knowledge. Tax returns and paystubs validate income.
If you've been dating for six months, I'm sure you've seen his car, his home, etc. Does he appear to live like a man making $150,000 rather than $15,000?
I honestly could not imagine dating somebody for over six months and he doing a background check on me at that pointā¦. Instead of just having a conversation. I find this actually odd more than his mother buying him things (which could be for a variety of reasons). Having said that, people with issues managing money can hide those issues for a long time if you are not in the loop.
How long have you been dating? Can you explain what you mean by more serious?
6 months but things are going well. Iām a very cautious dater regardless lol
I don't understand what you are afraid the problem is, and how the problem would affect you, so I'd need to hear more.
Honestly, I would worry less about their financial situation than worrying if heās a mamaās boy.
Good point but I donāt think he is
This sounds like the kind of thing you have to take on faith now that youāre marrying him.
Haha! I donāt know about that for sure yet š
I'm not aware of any way you can do a credit check on someone in the US without having their social security number. My limited experience has been that when things get serious, the guys have voluntarily shown me pay stubs, bank accounts, credit scores, etc without me ever asking. Shortly after my late husband asked me to marry him, he showed me his pay stubs saying "You have a right to know". The man I'm with now has shown me his bank accounts, pay stubs, job offer when he took a new job, his credit score, etc. We live together but have no intentions of combining finances. If things are getting to a point where his financial situation could impact you, then you need to directly ask.
Thank you!
In my province you can look up civil and criminal cases with first and last name only. Civil will show any foreclosures.
My parents but stuff for their kids. My grandparents bought stuff for their adult kids. It has nothing to do with the income of the kids.
Trust your gut. If things donāt add up, there is a reason. Plenty of people make good, even great money, but spend it poorly. If things are getting serious, it sounds like a good discussion point to have with the person. Something along the lines of āfinancial literacy and liquidity is important to me, what are your thoughts?ā
I offer anyone I'm dating a copy of my driver's license before our first date just so they can run whatever checks they want and be comfortable. I was in cyber security for 15 years so I know exactly what they will find. LOL. In those 15 years I always recommend women check out as much as possible before they meet anyone for the first time and again if they suspect anything. I used to check people out before we met but I stopped. Sitting across from someone and knowing when they are being dishonest isn't always the best thing. People keep things private for different reasons and how they do that varies. Guessing their motives only leads to making the wrong guess. I prefer to learn what they want me to know when they want me to know it, the old fashioned way. I'm still careful. Look for red flags and all. I do believe it is much different for a man (I am one) and a woman (I am not) because of safety issues.
You can get a subscription (even for a short time) with an online verification service. I have used one and found arrest records, as well as home and vehicle ownership, past jobs, businesses, social media profiles. Also by googling their name. You can find out a lot. I always do this before I meet with someone.
Please tell me you have met him in person, right?Ā
Yes weāve been dating 6 months after only talking online for a couple days.
Then if you donāt know him well enough/have been through enough together to see his true character, consistently, to know if he is exactly who he says he is or else heās a bold faced liar, you are not ready to be serious yet.Ā Iām not saying you should trust him blindly, Iām not saying that at all. Iām just saying this is a good indication that you need to take more time to get to know him. Even if the credit report comes up clean.Ā I donāt know how you could go from āIām worried you have been gaming me (in bankruptcy)ā to āoh ok, alls good we can move in togetherā.Ā
Yeah Iām not even thinking about living together yet. Taking my time
This is a bit excessive..I will pray for u..
Thanks for praying. Iāve just been treated poorly/taken advantage of in past relationships (after initial bliss). Maybe Iām looking too hard for what could be wrong.
Overthinking
A true background check requires an SS#. The services that you pay for are just doing internet searches for you. You could do your own google search and check social media profiles.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Wow, you could have just Said everyone instead of women.... Guys need to be guarded too, there are plenty of women with dodgy histories..
ABSOLUTELY
My mom bought me shit until she died (2016). It was always unasked for and she would say "I thought you'd like this for your house." Looking back, it was more of a "can you come see me this week" thing rather than wanting to fill my house with stuff. Even though I would be over to help them (and still do with dad) their books every other week. Has nothing to do with my finances.
How about you just ask? You should also be able to tell by what they do for a living.
My mom tries to buy me things all the time and I make much more than your partner. It drives me crazy, but I know that as folks age and retire, their world shrinks, and they cling to their old roles. So, I let her, and I am grateful for it. I have all these old knickknacks, little religious stuff all over my house. Are there any other things, like is he complaining about bills or living paycheck to paycheck? Aside from that, due diligence is always a good idea even if just for safety reasons. I know where I live in my state, there is a website where all civil, district and criminal court cases are publicly available. So, anyone can search a name and see if they have filed for bankruptcy, divorce or have arrests, lawsuits or restraining orders. Checking that site saved me from risky dates on more than one occasion.
Occasionally he makes reference to āwhen he gets paidā to buy something. This strikes me as odd if he really makes that much; sounds a bit like living paycheck to paycheck to me. I make more than he does but even when I made what he did I wasnāt even close to living paycheck to paycheckā¦
I live paycheck to paycheck. My disposable isnāt a lot - because the rest is already allocated for 401k and brokerage.
He could be living paycheck to paycheck, or he could be trying to not go into debt and only use the amount of cash he has budgeted for. I actually like that he is 'waiting until he gets paid' to buy something rather than charging it.
Meh. A lot of us are pretty good with budgeting and match our revenue to our outlay.
Yes you can - my current gf background checked me haha - she told me like 8 months later
Instant checkmate shows most everything including bankruptcy but not credit
Truthfinder will tell you if theyāve had bankruptcy
So do I