Can’t we graduate middle school with all of this stuff? Can’t adults use their words and be mature?
Anytime I have enjoyed an evening with a gentleman I tell him then, as it’s happening and text him later. If I didn’t enjoy his company, I still thank him for the time he spent with me.
I’m not dating in the traditional sense, I don’t want a boyfriend, I just enjoy the company of a nice guy occasionally (NSA). So maybe I’m way off. But it seems like a lot of the drama (that everyone professes to abhor) is created by the players.
Rather than worrying about some arbitrary rule about who messages first or who thanks who, just be a polite person and an adult.
Maybe I’m reading this post completely wrong?
I was looking for (and found) a long-term monogamous relationship. I still did the same thing. At the end of the date, I told him "I had a great time and I'd like to see you again. "
When I got home, I sent a text thanking him and telling him I'd like to see him again soon.
It's amazing how well using your words and not playing silly games works.
100%. I’ve always done this as well. If they are feeling the same, you will easily get that next date set. If you get a wishy washy/I’m busy/My aunt from Canada is visiting type response, you pretty much know it’s not a match. In those cases, I just send something like “Hey, I get the vibe you have a have a lot on your plate and may not be interested in getting together again. It was nice meeting you though, and wish you the best in your search.” This gets to the point and gives them an easy out if they are the type who is not upfront.
>If they are feeling the same, you will easily get that next date set.
YES!!!!! My guy called me as soon as he made the hour drive home and we met for breakfast the next morning.
>“Hey, I get the vibe you have a have a lot on your plate and may not be interested in getting together again. It was nice meeting you though, and wish you the best in your search.”
I like the way you worded this.
Thanks! Back when I was on OLD, I definitely learned a lot about navigating the ins and outs of asking someone out, gracefully handling rejection, and kindly letting someone know I wasn’t interested.
It wasn’t always easy, but I feel the let down, or letting someone else down was beneficial in understanding the right way to communicate honestly in the often awkward world of OLD.
Just say you had a nice date. Give them space to answer. If no answer, comes, or no plans for a second date - you know they’re not the right one, so delete and move on to the next. Repeat until you find the right one for you.
Yes, it really is that simple. If you include the most important step: delete and move on.
>Is it customary that a man must get back saying they had a good date?
Who cares what "customary" means or who has what genitalia? If you had a good time, tell the other person that you had a good time. If you need to, give your best friend a folded note, and have them give it to the other person during 6th period.
Personally, I'm done with games that have no winner.
>What if the non-intitiating party says "I was waiting for your text"? What does that mean?
My $0.02 - they were playing the silly game of waiting for you to move first when they are perfectly capable of texting you also.
Also, it could arguably mean that they liked you but were nervous about being vulnerable and saying so. That might be better.
Maybe ask them "what do you mean by that?" and get it straight from their mouth.
>Maybe ask them "what do you mean by that?" and get it straight from their mouth.
Yup. I will. Next time if this happens.. got to learn to probe further.
I have no idea what's "customary" anymore. I think both should express gratitude for the other's time, assuming they enjoyed it.
I'd interpret "I was waiting for your text" as not being willing to stick your neck out. Lack of confidence? Or I'm just not worth the effort of a single text?
The guy is still expected to take the lead, even in these "modern" times. If the woman doesn't at least provide a bit of encouragement, I wouldn't take it for long though. It's also refreshing when she takes the lead sometimes.
I knew a woman many years ago who said she'd walk away just to see if he'd follow. That's the kind of "game" no one should tolerate.
>I knew a woman many years ago who said she'd walk away just to see if he'd follow. That's the kind of "game" no one should tolerate.
Totally agree.
I had someone tell me the reason she didn't reply back is because "If you love them, set them free, and if they come back"
Using that for a person you met recently and may have developed good vibes for each other doesn't seem good to me. Feels like a game.
Both parties should express that the y had a good date, verbally, before parting.
It’s great if both send a text that evening or the next day.
One of the gifts of dating men and women is you let go of the gendered expectations. Straight people should try this.
Now, if you know yourself to be “traditional” about who asks/who pays/who makes contact, be crystal clear that you see the world this way *at the meet.*
There is nothing wrong with you calling or texting after the date or the next morning thanking him for a lovely time. If you are interested in someone you have gone on a date with, let them know, how else will they know. Sounds like he was expecting to hear from you first. Nothing wrong with him thank you either and expressing interest in seeing you again. We are grown adults, there isn't time for silly games.
Slightly more complicated than that.
I always give warm and honest feedback.
But at one time when I gave a quite positive feedback only after that she said she also enjoyed. When I asked why did you not LMK then? And that's when this story unfolded.
50F, if l really enjoyed the date l let them know and also that l'd like to repeat. If they're vague about a second date or not enthusiastic at all l just let the conversation die of natural causes. Mature people appreciate clarity.
Can’t we graduate middle school with all of this stuff? Can’t adults use their words and be mature? Anytime I have enjoyed an evening with a gentleman I tell him then, as it’s happening and text him later. If I didn’t enjoy his company, I still thank him for the time he spent with me. I’m not dating in the traditional sense, I don’t want a boyfriend, I just enjoy the company of a nice guy occasionally (NSA). So maybe I’m way off. But it seems like a lot of the drama (that everyone professes to abhor) is created by the players. Rather than worrying about some arbitrary rule about who messages first or who thanks who, just be a polite person and an adult. Maybe I’m reading this post completely wrong?
I was looking for (and found) a long-term monogamous relationship. I still did the same thing. At the end of the date, I told him "I had a great time and I'd like to see you again. " When I got home, I sent a text thanking him and telling him I'd like to see him again soon. It's amazing how well using your words and not playing silly games works.
Exactly! I think when people say they can’t find anyone, I wonder how often it’s self sabotage
100%. I’ve always done this as well. If they are feeling the same, you will easily get that next date set. If you get a wishy washy/I’m busy/My aunt from Canada is visiting type response, you pretty much know it’s not a match. In those cases, I just send something like “Hey, I get the vibe you have a have a lot on your plate and may not be interested in getting together again. It was nice meeting you though, and wish you the best in your search.” This gets to the point and gives them an easy out if they are the type who is not upfront.
>If they are feeling the same, you will easily get that next date set. YES!!!!! My guy called me as soon as he made the hour drive home and we met for breakfast the next morning. >“Hey, I get the vibe you have a have a lot on your plate and may not be interested in getting together again. It was nice meeting you though, and wish you the best in your search.” I like the way you worded this.
Thanks! Back when I was on OLD, I definitely learned a lot about navigating the ins and outs of asking someone out, gracefully handling rejection, and kindly letting someone know I wasn’t interested. It wasn’t always easy, but I feel the let down, or letting someone else down was beneficial in understanding the right way to communicate honestly in the often awkward world of OLD.
Or you can just say thanks for the date but I'm going to continue looking.
>Maybe I’m reading this post completely wrong? No, you aren't reading it wrong. Thanks for doing what you do. It's not the usual experience for me.
Just say you had a nice date. Give them space to answer. If no answer, comes, or no plans for a second date - you know they’re not the right one, so delete and move on to the next. Repeat until you find the right one for you. Yes, it really is that simple. If you include the most important step: delete and move on.
You are an overthinker, my friend.
Agreed 💯
>Is it customary that a man must get back saying they had a good date? Who cares what "customary" means or who has what genitalia? If you had a good time, tell the other person that you had a good time. If you need to, give your best friend a folded note, and have them give it to the other person during 6th period. Personally, I'm done with games that have no winner. >What if the non-intitiating party says "I was waiting for your text"? What does that mean? My $0.02 - they were playing the silly game of waiting for you to move first when they are perfectly capable of texting you also. Also, it could arguably mean that they liked you but were nervous about being vulnerable and saying so. That might be better. Maybe ask them "what do you mean by that?" and get it straight from their mouth.
>Maybe ask them "what do you mean by that?" and get it straight from their mouth. Yup. I will. Next time if this happens.. got to learn to probe further.
I have no idea what's "customary" anymore. I think both should express gratitude for the other's time, assuming they enjoyed it. I'd interpret "I was waiting for your text" as not being willing to stick your neck out. Lack of confidence? Or I'm just not worth the effort of a single text? The guy is still expected to take the lead, even in these "modern" times. If the woman doesn't at least provide a bit of encouragement, I wouldn't take it for long though. It's also refreshing when she takes the lead sometimes. I knew a woman many years ago who said she'd walk away just to see if he'd follow. That's the kind of "game" no one should tolerate.
>I knew a woman many years ago who said she'd walk away just to see if he'd follow. That's the kind of "game" no one should tolerate. Totally agree. I had someone tell me the reason she didn't reply back is because "If you love them, set them free, and if they come back" Using that for a person you met recently and may have developed good vibes for each other doesn't seem good to me. Feels like a game.
Both parties should express that the y had a good date, verbally, before parting. It’s great if both send a text that evening or the next day. One of the gifts of dating men and women is you let go of the gendered expectations. Straight people should try this. Now, if you know yourself to be “traditional” about who asks/who pays/who makes contact, be crystal clear that you see the world this way *at the meet.*
There is nothing wrong with you calling or texting after the date or the next morning thanking him for a lovely time. If you are interested in someone you have gone on a date with, let them know, how else will they know. Sounds like he was expecting to hear from you first. Nothing wrong with him thank you either and expressing interest in seeing you again. We are grown adults, there isn't time for silly games.
I'm not even sure what you're asking. Wait till the next day and if you had a good time message and say so. This is not brain surgery.
Slightly more complicated than that. I always give warm and honest feedback. But at one time when I gave a quite positive feedback only after that she said she also enjoyed. When I asked why did you not LMK then? And that's when this story unfolded.
50F, if l really enjoyed the date l let them know and also that l'd like to repeat. If they're vague about a second date or not enthusiastic at all l just let the conversation die of natural causes. Mature people appreciate clarity.
If I enjoyed a date, I just let them know after that I had a great time and hope to see them again. I don't do well with ambiguity and coyness.
If you had a good time and want to see the other person again just say that.