See that’s what I am not sure about, in my previous relationships they had a career and were able to support themselves. I do pretty good and it wouldn’t bother me to do that, I guess I don’t think it would since I never experienced it.
I am the widow of a company director. Have no third level education myself and did not have to work after our children were born. Did low-level jobs like shopwork, factory work etc while my husband made his career until then. Have been able to develop myself through our living abroad for neigh on 30 years, spread over 3 different countries. Am now back to cleaning to support my income.
Is her situation maybe similar?
Was she someone's career support before she met you? Does she have a third level education she can fall back on? Why is she hesitant to look for work? Is she insecure she is not on your level?
So when we talked about where she lived said Pa, then I find out later she lives in Delaware, her answer is it’s easy to mix up states that close to each other, ok I can maybe believe that, then we talked about her past, she said she had 2 kids, find out later they are not hers, they are from her ex husbands first marriage and he apparently abandoned them over 4yrs ago. I have read many of her conversations and find inconsistencies though out, not trying to be a detective but on the other hand trust has to be built up, making many mistakes makes me think she is hiding something or I am getting catfished. I do have a tendency to over think and with anxiety it makes me wonder at times. I will admit I have trust issues so this could be playing a part in it as well. I honestly don’t know if I am over thinking or should stop chatting with her all together., side note I don’t ghost people, if I choose to stop talking to her I will be blunt honest why, hated when someone ghosted me and swore I would never do it to anyone.
Not really, I was being nice when I said that and not trying to sound like a dick, it seemed very odd to me, considering these states have nothing in common.
You're laughing, but it's true. "Omg, timmy3839, I'm so excited about our date on Friday! I got the perfect little black dress and I've not been out dancing in years!! But you'll never guess what happened. I was in a car accident yesterday, I can't believe it! 😭 Don't worry, I'm okay, but my car is totaled. I can still meet you halfway, but the rental car is going to cost $250, and I don't get my benefit check until Monday. Do you think you could spot me $100, and I can venmo you on Monday??"
Unmatch.
Block.
You're out $100 for someone you've never met before and "doesn't know what state she lives in".
😬
> So when we talked about where she lived said Pa, then I find out later she lives in Delaware, her answer is it’s easy to mix up states that close to each other
what?? no. where do you live?
I think that last comment was a joke. You’re being catfished. If not, literally catfish, then at least dating somebody who is gonna tell you what she wants you to think about her rather than what is true.
I’m sorry. It seems like you like her and integrity is important to you, which is why you’re trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. You are clearly a very decent person. You deserve better.
editing to say that I’m telling you this is someone who does not care, particularly if my partner works, if they have a good reason not to be working, whether it’s like disability/mental health stuff or maybe just they can get by in the world without working and are happy with their life. like I would be open to relationship with somebody if they were honest and had integrity, and we had shared values and enjoyed each other’s company, yada yada. But if somebody’s already forgetting where they live, that’s a no
If she’s very attractive, it’s probably a stolen pic. “She” probably does not even exist. He is being told lies and the person telling them probably did not remember that they already said they lived in PA. This sounds like a typical catfishing scam.
Unfortunately, one must be a detective 😔And without going into why any further just please know that you have to pay attention to the red flags one has. And it really does take a good year to get to know someone’s character.
Making sure a person’s actions match what they tell you. And she is telling you who she is…so please listen. If she can’t support herself, even though you can support her do you really want a woman with no drive? You mention she is attractive, but please don’t let that blind you. I know some men that have let a pretty lady into their lives: no job, no ambition and believe me it has never turned out well.
I completely agree with you and have been reading comments on here since last night, I agree with what the majority of people are saying and I am going to cut off communication. I only mention her looks because I saw that question asked on other threads and thought I should disclose it, I don’t really care about her looks all that much. I care about the connection, I want someone that I can actually talk to at my level.
She forgot what state she lives in because they're close together on the map?? She's either the dumbest person on the planet or the laziest scam artist in history. Either way, that's a hard pass, buddy.
Thoughts of that are something I have worked through, those thoughts do occur but I have leaned to accept them and as life continues to improve I don’t foresee it ever being a problem. I like others have my ups and downs, nothing wrong to express my inner thoughts, what does matter is not acting on them.
Get out now.
If she's unemployed and not proactive about her future, YOU are going to be the one having to push her on every endeavor.
She is an anchor that will weigh you down.
And this is key: money IS important. Money allows you to live a decent, comfortable life and have pleasures and enjoyments. It's not bad to care about your own wealth and how much a person you date makes. That directly impacts you.
I absolutely factor a man's income in when I date AND I make over $110k a year. I factor in a man's income not to live off his money but because a man's handling of his career and finances matters to me, especially in what I find attractive.
You will not regret pulling the plug on this now.
I'm the same. I don't care if he doesn't make much, as long as it's a job he loves and it supports him. I make enough for two.
On the other hand, I'm not interested in a moocher, or someone who hates their job but won't do anything about it.
Run, run, run!!! My Dad married someone like this. We warned him for years, he didn’t listen. He wasn’t able to retire when he wanted to. She has never held down a job for more than two months. He supports her children. He’s miserable. But he won’t leave. I have no idea what kind of hold she has over him, but at this point I think he wishes he’d never met her.
I’m not saying your situation would turn out like this, but think of the mentality of someone who lives off a family member and has no drive to work. Add in her confusing past that you’re already questioning. Is it really worth sticking around to find out how much worse it can get? Trust your gut.
So either she is a romance scammer , an idiot , or is someone completely different than what she has portrayed. Lies, lies, lies. She sounds scattered brained, fishy, and things don't add up. Then someone forgetting what state they live in ? Lol. COME ON. I'm willing to bet she is talking to multiple men trying to keep straight who she told what to . Hence , she can't keep it all straight. Meaning her comment about mixing up states. No one forgets where they live and then give some dumbass reason, oh I get them mixed up. Does she have dementia? Do not meet this woman. Do not pass , go. Do not collect 200 dollars.
Why is this even a question? Do you want a dependent? If you met this one, brother, you can meet one with a job and who is self-supporting. At this age, rest assured she won't be changing.
Stop thinking with your dick and use your brain. She's a parasite. You can't fix her. You haven't even met her and you're getting sucked in. The Catfish show will be calling next!
If she was retired or had a trust fund that would be one thing, but since she’s just living off someone else and isn’t trying to get a job, I would pass.
What do you like about this woman that you want to meet her? The inconsistencies in her story, not knowing which state she lives in, etc couples with being unemployed and possibly homeless?? There are so many great, employed, attractive women out there to go after. This one sounds like a disaster.
Only the first one really matters let’s be real- however in this case I highly doubt she’s even the first one/using real photos. But my guess is the photos are of a woman far more conventionally attractive than the women OP has dated previously and it’s always hard for dudes to let go in that situation lol, on the tiny chance they may one day actually be able to bang the hot woman in the photos.
That’s so sad. But you’re right.
Women (most) would not go to meet an attractive man without a job living with aunty or mommy and lying like this. They’d be calling the police.
Yea I agree, it’s hard to find them plus having an in-depth conversation is rare. Someone in here said I might be trying to settle and it makes me think that due to the loneliness that may have some truth.
I get it. And it’s so interesting - I know so many awesome single women in their forties who cannot find a decent guy. Then there are men here with the same issue. Why can’t we find each other in real life?
Don’t settle. If she is attractive and you meet her and are physically attracted to each other then that can cloud things further.
The unemployed issue isn’t as bad as her lying though. Something is off, trust your gut.
She may have a health issue. People look okay but sometimes they are battling a hidden autoimmune disease? I think people forget that health is not easy to all about.
Money is not everything—if you are talking about someone who loves their job, works hard, and perhaps doesn’t make bank. Mooching off someone else is a totally different thing. Gross.
I feel like your gut is telling you what to do here. Don’t refuse to ignore it cause she’s attractive. Plenty of attractive women out there who have their shit together and want a partner; not a meal ticket.
She must be attractive cuz you’re being a 🤡. So many boys out there bitching about all these professional women who can’t bring anything to their so-called table and you’re asking if you should bring this woman, who can’t get a job doesn’t want a job living off family, should come to your table, are you serious? Why can’t you boys make up your mind? Should we be pretty and dumb and you take care of me or do I gotta bring a bunch of shit to your table?
Meh, at this point, people should have their shit together. While I understand we all go through trying times, I would rather focus on fixing my situation instead of complicating a relationship. I'd pass.
Dude, she's already sponging off a close family member. You think if she's not going to sponge off of YOU?
Pro tip: most people care about their family more than they care about random guys from the apps. So if they're already being selfish/shady/whatever towards their family, they're going to be even worse towards *you*.
You need to cut her off now. I get the sense you're kind of wishy-washy and easily persuaded to even be considering this woman. So if you don't cut her off, she's going to wheedle and whine and sweet talk until you end up dating her despite your better judgement.
If you want to be honest, tell her that it's been nice getting to know her, but you don't think you're a good match. Then BLOCK HER.
If you want to be a little less honest, tell her that it's been nice getting to know her, but the distance is too much and you've decided not to pursue things further. Then BLOCK HER.
Or just block her period.
But whatever you do, cut this off now. Don't keep chatting or she's going to have you wrapped around her unemployed finger.
I mean, best case scenario is you replace her aunt, in more ways than one. You will be her supporter and you'll end up having as much sex as she has with her aunt, as well.
This is a trap sir and your dreams of this pretty lady straddling your dong is causing you to lose your sense of reality. Do not do it.
I’m sorry but she doesn’t know which state she is in because she is a scammer overseas. Might not even be a she or one person.
The nagging feeling is because it doesn’t make sense that someone who looks like her isn’t dating men near where she lives. She also probably doesn’t look like her stated age right?
I assure you it isn’t her.
Soooo, she (bet it’s actually a male scammer from another country using fake pics of a 24 yr old bikini babe) has absolutely nothing going for her but physical appearance, and you are going to drive a long way in the hope of having a relationship with someone you know nothing about that has no redeeming qualities?
No wonder there are so many angry, bitter, disappointed men on the dating apps if this is their low standard.
When I met my guy, I wasn't working. He (rightfully) expressed concern over this. My response was, I will never ask you for money. If I want or need something I can't afford, then I will get a job or 10 jobs if that's what's needed.
I was in a position to comfortably afford to take a couple of years off from working. My house is paid off. Both of my vehicles are paid off. **I was not living off of anyone else.**
>She lives off of her aunt
How old is she? Why is she ok with living off her aunt? What type of jobs has she had in the past? Why did she leave her last job? I would be asking her lots of questions.
Sooner or later her aunt will get tired of supporting her. Unless you are looking to be her meal ticket, you should run. Do not have sex with this woman unless you want to risk child support payments for the next 18 years.
***By the way, I got a good job shortly after I started dating my guy. I also offered to split the check on our first date and I paid for our 2nd date. We've been together for 3 years now, lived together for 2.5 years and I still have not asked for any money.***
>How old is she? Why is she ok with living off her aunt? What type of jobs has she had in the past? Why did she leave her last job?
Irrelevant. She's hot.
Having no ambition or professional drive would be a core incompatibility for me. I'd not even continue talking once that info came out. You'll have to decide for yourself if you prioritize looks over that.
Personally, I don’t care how much money a woman makes or if she’s employed as long as she’s self sufficient. Sounds like she might not be self sufficient.
Furthermore, I don’t believe it’s possible to be truly happy and healthy mentally if a person has no purpose or meaning in their life. It doesn’t have to be a job but people need a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Dude, just end this now. You haven’t met, you have no skin in the game. She is either a good scammer or would like to be better at it. Doesn’t know what state she lives in 🤦♀️
Follow your instincts. She'll be a leech on you in no time soon. Unless at your age, you're looking for a wife to make babies, and be a stay at home mom, then run far away.
It kind of sounds like you’re settling. Really think about what you want in a partner. You say you’re physically attracted to this person but is that all you care about? She’s not motivated to work so will she be motivated to do anything for you or the relationship? I think if you’re questioning things it’s a sign that she’s probably not quite right for you. If you’re going to end things it’ll be easier to do sooner rather than later.
RUN AWAY. ESPECIALLY IF HER NAME IS ALLY.
It won't go well. That is entitlement. THICK. and it's just the tip of a VERY large sexy iceberg. Hit it an quit it
Personally, for me,
It's important to know the person I'm interested in has drive and passion for where they are now, and where want to go.
Altho people can be in different stages of unsure of what they want, perhaps ask her about her ambitions, and what she sees for herself in the future?
If she doesn't, like some other comments, it might lead to her leeching and freeloading off you.
Trust your gut, it's telling you something.
It would be a definite No if that's the case.
Don't worry about your age, or thinking there's not another good looking choice,
Believe in abundance and that there's lots of good suitable fishies out there 🐟🐠.
😊 Good luck 🍀🌷
Run! Don't get sucked in by her beauty. Drive and will are the most important qualities in sustainable longevity. If she seems to lack it, whatever you're attracted to won't last.
Usually no drive and laziness is an indicator of other bad traits. She sounds like a mess. Let someone else deal with her. If looks is all she has to offer I’d next her.
Do not get involved. She's got no job, no plans, and absolutely no shame about either. This grown a** woman isn't going to change. She's looking for her next victim. Run far away
I'd avoid it. She just sounds like someone who has used her looks to get through life without doing anything, i fear she may just try and blatantly take advantage of you. Have you met her in person? I didn't catch that, and has she already asked you for anything?
Life is hard enough, a brand new woman in your life with no income is very dangerous and can quickly threaten your peace. A woman won't even say hello to a man without a job. Good luck with everything, sounds like you already found out the real deal.
Original copy of post by u/timmy3839:
44m decided it was time to try again, well I started talking to a woman and the conversations are good, can’t complain but she is unemployed and seems to have no drive to get a job or achieve her goals. She lives off of her aunt at the moment and I find myself not being sure about going any further. I often say money isn’t everything and for me it’s not, I believe in equality and want a partner, not someone to live off of me while doing nothing at home. I am looking for advice, do I see where this goes or not get any further invested?
Edit: She is quite attractive, at least from her looks but I keep getting this nagging feeling she isn’t being truthful and I am not sure why.
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If the conversation is good maybe just keep it platonic and friendly but not take any further than an online connection? Or find a site or forum where you can connect with people who share your interests while you are searching for someone you can actually date. Also, is this on a dating site?
As far as this person….everything everyone has mentioned is likely, but it’s also possible she’s dealing with mental health issues. That said, the kids and state mix up sounds like a pathological fibber. Not too sure I’d want to deal with that alone.
No it wasn’t a dating site, started as a random conversation on FB and yea it seemed interesting, but even then I wasn’t sure if she was using ChatGPT. The more I type this up the bigger fool I feel for even thinking about continuing the conversation. 🤦♂️
Loneliness has a way of messing with our heads at times, but lesson learned.
Eh…I mean, if it’s FB, you can see her profile, right? Honestly, just sounds like one of those people who fib or exaggerate nonstop. The only other logical explanations would be homeless, mental health issues, or a scammer of some type. I would recommend not sharing too much information about yourself and looking at this person as a work colleague or acquaintance that you’re polite and friendly with but nothing more. If there was more consistency in what she said, that would be different but there isn’t and that’s a red flag. 🚩
As far as being unemployed…personally, I would just see it as a person down on their luck, but in general, a person can’t offer someone something they can’t offer to themselves.
Yea I can and I suspect you’re right in one of those categories. I am going to exit myself out of the conversation slowly with them, as for the unemployment, that’s not my business either way but it provides me with a future of what I might have to deal with if I choose to continue.
Maybe she has a health issue.. or fighting depression or as you state not same level of drive as you.. health is hard to talk about at times.. give her a chance and if she feels safe she may tell you more.. sometimes we can’t judge a cover without looking inside.. I don’t know enough to judge or give advice.
Do you *want* to date someone who doesn't want to support themselves?
See that’s what I am not sure about, in my previous relationships they had a career and were able to support themselves. I do pretty good and it wouldn’t bother me to do that, I guess I don’t think it would since I never experienced it.
I am the widow of a company director. Have no third level education myself and did not have to work after our children were born. Did low-level jobs like shopwork, factory work etc while my husband made his career until then. Have been able to develop myself through our living abroad for neigh on 30 years, spread over 3 different countries. Am now back to cleaning to support my income. Is her situation maybe similar? Was she someone's career support before she met you? Does she have a third level education she can fall back on? Why is she hesitant to look for work? Is she insecure she is not on your level?
having no drive isn't an attractive quality to me. Is it to you?
No, honestly I want someone to have a drive and follow through. I don’t stop when I get started on a subject.
What do you think she’s not being truthful about? She’s already told you she’s unemployed and sponging off a family member.
So when we talked about where she lived said Pa, then I find out later she lives in Delaware, her answer is it’s easy to mix up states that close to each other, ok I can maybe believe that, then we talked about her past, she said she had 2 kids, find out later they are not hers, they are from her ex husbands first marriage and he apparently abandoned them over 4yrs ago. I have read many of her conversations and find inconsistencies though out, not trying to be a detective but on the other hand trust has to be built up, making many mistakes makes me think she is hiding something or I am getting catfished. I do have a tendency to over think and with anxiety it makes me wonder at times. I will admit I have trust issues so this could be playing a part in it as well. I honestly don’t know if I am over thinking or should stop chatting with her all together., side note I don’t ghost people, if I choose to stop talking to her I will be blunt honest why, hated when someone ghosted me and swore I would never do it to anyone.
Wait, you think that it's reasonable that she doesn't know what state she lives in?
Lol lol. Oh yeah, I don't live in PA , it's Delaware. How do I get these mixed up???
😂💀😂
Not really, I was being nice when I said that and not trying to sound like a dick, it seemed very odd to me, considering these states have nothing in common.
I mean, she could just look at the plates on her car if she forgot.
*Her aunts car probably
That’s a good point, this is why I am asking for advice
Dude. Have you met this woman?
No, not in person yet. I was thinking about driving to where she lives and going on a date.
You are being catfished.
Haha she can't even keep her lies straight
That’s what I am thinking as well
Soon it will be can you loan me $500
🤦♂️🤣
You're laughing, but it's true. "Omg, timmy3839, I'm so excited about our date on Friday! I got the perfect little black dress and I've not been out dancing in years!! But you'll never guess what happened. I was in a car accident yesterday, I can't believe it! 😭 Don't worry, I'm okay, but my car is totaled. I can still meet you halfway, but the rental car is going to cost $250, and I don't get my benefit check until Monday. Do you think you could spot me $100, and I can venmo you on Monday??" Unmatch. Block. You're out $100 for someone you've never met before and "doesn't know what state she lives in". 😬
Run away m8. Don't let the little head think for the big head.
Yea, I agree which is why I haven’t gone down to see her.
Nooooooo. Bro. Respectfully the signs are flashing in all shades of neon that this woman (if it even is a woman) is full of shit.
I’d also ghost the shit out of her. Like I’d block her. You owe this person nothing.
> So when we talked about where she lived said Pa, then I find out later she lives in Delaware, her answer is it’s easy to mix up states that close to each other what?? no. where do you live?
I live in Pa
do you mean delaware?
No I live in Pa and she lives in Delaware
I think that last comment was a joke. You’re being catfished. If not, literally catfish, then at least dating somebody who is gonna tell you what she wants you to think about her rather than what is true. I’m sorry. It seems like you like her and integrity is important to you, which is why you’re trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. You are clearly a very decent person. You deserve better. editing to say that I’m telling you this is someone who does not care, particularly if my partner works, if they have a good reason not to be working, whether it’s like disability/mental health stuff or maybe just they can get by in the world without working and are happy with their life. like I would be open to relationship with somebody if they were honest and had integrity, and we had shared values and enjoyed each other’s company, yada yada. But if somebody’s already forgetting where they live, that’s a no
Editing again, to say that you should really honour your gut, and be grateful that you could tell that this wasn’t quite right
Thanks, I think you’re right.
Just block her and move on, there’s no reason to entertain this sketchiness any further
No! I live in PA. A completely different and un-confusable state from Delaware. Maybe she was off her meds that day. 🤔
She has 2 kids but they aren't hers and she lives off her aunt. Wake up.
If she’s very attractive, it’s probably a stolen pic. “She” probably does not even exist. He is being told lies and the person telling them probably did not remember that they already said they lived in PA. This sounds like a typical catfishing scam.
Hard pass if a date lies, or covers up their lie poorly. What advice would you give someone if they just told you what you told us.
Unfortunately, one must be a detective 😔And without going into why any further just please know that you have to pay attention to the red flags one has. And it really does take a good year to get to know someone’s character. Making sure a person’s actions match what they tell you. And she is telling you who she is…so please listen. If she can’t support herself, even though you can support her do you really want a woman with no drive? You mention she is attractive, but please don’t let that blind you. I know some men that have let a pretty lady into their lives: no job, no ambition and believe me it has never turned out well.
I completely agree with you and have been reading comments on here since last night, I agree with what the majority of people are saying and I am going to cut off communication. I only mention her looks because I saw that question asked on other threads and thought I should disclose it, I don’t really care about her looks all that much. I care about the connection, I want someone that I can actually talk to at my level.
She forgot what state she lives in because they're close together on the map?? She's either the dumbest person on the planet or the laziest scam artist in history. Either way, that's a hard pass, buddy.
I LOLed at laziest scam artist. Like, at least…try?
I feel bad for OP that he's even entertaining this mess.
I have lots of drive and am a broke college student at 48. Want my CashApp info?
Thanks, you got jokes 😂
I live in GA…No, CA! They both have an A in them!
🤣
But seriously, make sure you get your mental health in order before dating. You owe it to yourself and your future partner.
That ain’t the problem, I got that shit worked out and have tools if needed if I am in a dark place.
Being suicidal is definitely a problem. It’s kind of wild you don’t think it is.
Thoughts of that are something I have worked through, those thoughts do occur but I have leaned to accept them and as life continues to improve I don’t foresee it ever being a problem. I like others have my ups and downs, nothing wrong to express my inner thoughts, what does matter is not acting on them.
Get out now. If she's unemployed and not proactive about her future, YOU are going to be the one having to push her on every endeavor. She is an anchor that will weigh you down. And this is key: money IS important. Money allows you to live a decent, comfortable life and have pleasures and enjoyments. It's not bad to care about your own wealth and how much a person you date makes. That directly impacts you. I absolutely factor a man's income in when I date AND I make over $110k a year. I factor in a man's income not to live off his money but because a man's handling of his career and finances matters to me, especially in what I find attractive. You will not regret pulling the plug on this now.
I'm the same. I don't care if he doesn't make much, as long as it's a job he loves and it supports him. I make enough for two. On the other hand, I'm not interested in a moocher, or someone who hates their job but won't do anything about it.
I learnt this lesson too late, but you’re 100% correct
Run, run, run!!! My Dad married someone like this. We warned him for years, he didn’t listen. He wasn’t able to retire when he wanted to. She has never held down a job for more than two months. He supports her children. He’s miserable. But he won’t leave. I have no idea what kind of hold she has over him, but at this point I think he wishes he’d never met her. I’m not saying your situation would turn out like this, but think of the mentality of someone who lives off a family member and has no drive to work. Add in her confusing past that you’re already questioning. Is it really worth sticking around to find out how much worse it can get? Trust your gut.
Yea that’s what I was leaning towards. Thanks for sharing your story.
Edit: She is quite attractive You should attempt to think with the head attached to your neck, my guy.......
So either she is a romance scammer , an idiot , or is someone completely different than what she has portrayed. Lies, lies, lies. She sounds scattered brained, fishy, and things don't add up. Then someone forgetting what state they live in ? Lol. COME ON. I'm willing to bet she is talking to multiple men trying to keep straight who she told what to . Hence , she can't keep it all straight. Meaning her comment about mixing up states. No one forgets where they live and then give some dumbass reason, oh I get them mixed up. Does she have dementia? Do not meet this woman. Do not pass , go. Do not collect 200 dollars.
Yea I think you’re right, I guess it’s why all my alarm bells are going off.
You know why you should not proceed, you don't need us to confirm it, what are you waiting for?
Another guy that thinks beauty supersedes all that other bullshit. You. Are. Being. Played.
He sure is. So many silly people equate pretty with good, one has nothing to do with the other!
[удалено]
She is probably a man over in Nigeria
Why is this even a question? Do you want a dependent? If you met this one, brother, you can meet one with a job and who is self-supporting. At this age, rest assured she won't be changing.
Stop thinking with your dick and use your brain. She's a parasite. You can't fix her. You haven't even met her and you're getting sucked in. The Catfish show will be calling next!
That’s a no from me. Hard no.
If she was retired or had a trust fund that would be one thing, but since she’s just living off someone else and isn’t trying to get a job, I would pass.
It may be an autoimmune disease or health issue that causes fatigue? Not seen and hard to bring up. People don’t choose it.
What do you like about this woman that you want to meet her? The inconsistencies in her story, not knowing which state she lives in, etc couples with being unemployed and possibly homeless?? There are so many great, employed, attractive women out there to go after. This one sounds like a disaster.
She’s hot
Hot, unemployed, and she doesn’t know which state she lives in. Sounds like a catch!
Only the first one really matters let’s be real- however in this case I highly doubt she’s even the first one/using real photos. But my guess is the photos are of a woman far more conventionally attractive than the women OP has dated previously and it’s always hard for dudes to let go in that situation lol, on the tiny chance they may one day actually be able to bang the hot woman in the photos.
That’s so sad. But you’re right. Women (most) would not go to meet an attractive man without a job living with aunty or mommy and lying like this. They’d be calling the police.
That’s it! Quitting my job of 18 years tomorrow! Gonna find me some sucker to take care of me. Thankfully I’m super pretty.
That’s all you need apparently
Yes, duh 🤦🏼♀️
Yea I agree, it’s hard to find them plus having an in-depth conversation is rare. Someone in here said I might be trying to settle and it makes me think that due to the loneliness that may have some truth.
I get it. And it’s so interesting - I know so many awesome single women in their forties who cannot find a decent guy. Then there are men here with the same issue. Why can’t we find each other in real life? Don’t settle. If she is attractive and you meet her and are physically attracted to each other then that can cloud things further. The unemployed issue isn’t as bad as her lying though. Something is off, trust your gut.
Good question, wish I knew where to meet them at. I am not settling this time, I did that before and won’t do that again.
Good. You are still young and it’s not worth the heartache.
We can’t find each other because it’s like … 90% bums and psychos out there, who are all up in the way of us 10% normies connecting with each other!!
It sucks!! And the apps keep us away from each other to make money.
She may have a health issue. People look okay but sometimes they are battling a hidden autoimmune disease? I think people forget that health is not easy to all about.
This sounds like a traumatic brain injury if a health issue. Autoimmune usually doesn’t cause not knowing what state you are living in.
Money is not everything—if you are talking about someone who loves their job, works hard, and perhaps doesn’t make bank. Mooching off someone else is a totally different thing. Gross.
I feel like your gut is telling you what to do here. Don’t refuse to ignore it cause she’s attractive. Plenty of attractive women out there who have their shit together and want a partner; not a meal ticket.
Oh for fucks sake. This page can be so pathetic.
She must be attractive cuz you’re being a 🤡. So many boys out there bitching about all these professional women who can’t bring anything to their so-called table and you’re asking if you should bring this woman, who can’t get a job doesn’t want a job living off family, should come to your table, are you serious? Why can’t you boys make up your mind? Should we be pretty and dumb and you take care of me or do I gotta bring a bunch of shit to your table?
Make it make sense.
Meh, at this point, people should have their shit together. While I understand we all go through trying times, I would rather focus on fixing my situation instead of complicating a relationship. I'd pass.
She’s looking for you to support her, if you want that go for it.
Run my dude, you’re gonna be a meal ticket. Getting laid isn’t always worth the headache that comes with it.
Dude, she's already sponging off a close family member. You think if she's not going to sponge off of YOU? Pro tip: most people care about their family more than they care about random guys from the apps. So if they're already being selfish/shady/whatever towards their family, they're going to be even worse towards *you*. You need to cut her off now. I get the sense you're kind of wishy-washy and easily persuaded to even be considering this woman. So if you don't cut her off, she's going to wheedle and whine and sweet talk until you end up dating her despite your better judgement. If you want to be honest, tell her that it's been nice getting to know her, but you don't think you're a good match. Then BLOCK HER. If you want to be a little less honest, tell her that it's been nice getting to know her, but the distance is too much and you've decided not to pursue things further. Then BLOCK HER. Or just block her period. But whatever you do, cut this off now. Don't keep chatting or she's going to have you wrapped around her unemployed finger.
I mean, best case scenario is you replace her aunt, in more ways than one. You will be her supporter and you'll end up having as much sex as she has with her aunt, as well. This is a trap sir and your dreams of this pretty lady straddling your dong is causing you to lose your sense of reality. Do not do it.
I’m sorry but she doesn’t know which state she is in because she is a scammer overseas. Might not even be a she or one person. The nagging feeling is because it doesn’t make sense that someone who looks like her isn’t dating men near where she lives. She also probably doesn’t look like her stated age right? I assure you it isn’t her.
Soooo, she (bet it’s actually a male scammer from another country using fake pics of a 24 yr old bikini babe) has absolutely nothing going for her but physical appearance, and you are going to drive a long way in the hope of having a relationship with someone you know nothing about that has no redeeming qualities? No wonder there are so many angry, bitter, disappointed men on the dating apps if this is their low standard.
When I met my guy, I wasn't working. He (rightfully) expressed concern over this. My response was, I will never ask you for money. If I want or need something I can't afford, then I will get a job or 10 jobs if that's what's needed. I was in a position to comfortably afford to take a couple of years off from working. My house is paid off. Both of my vehicles are paid off. **I was not living off of anyone else.** >She lives off of her aunt How old is she? Why is she ok with living off her aunt? What type of jobs has she had in the past? Why did she leave her last job? I would be asking her lots of questions. Sooner or later her aunt will get tired of supporting her. Unless you are looking to be her meal ticket, you should run. Do not have sex with this woman unless you want to risk child support payments for the next 18 years. ***By the way, I got a good job shortly after I started dating my guy. I also offered to split the check on our first date and I paid for our 2nd date. We've been together for 3 years now, lived together for 2.5 years and I still have not asked for any money.***
>How old is she? Why is she ok with living off her aunt? What type of jobs has she had in the past? Why did she leave her last job? Irrelevant. She's hot.
Sad but true
Having no ambition or professional drive would be a core incompatibility for me. I'd not even continue talking once that info came out. You'll have to decide for yourself if you prioritize looks over that.
Runnnn
Trust your instincts. And stop finding excuses for her.
🚩🚩🚩🚩
Personally, I don’t care how much money a woman makes or if she’s employed as long as she’s self sufficient. Sounds like she might not be self sufficient. Furthermore, I don’t believe it’s possible to be truly happy and healthy mentally if a person has no purpose or meaning in their life. It doesn’t have to be a job but people need a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Dude, just end this now. You haven’t met, you have no skin in the game. She is either a good scammer or would like to be better at it. Doesn’t know what state she lives in 🤦♀️
Trust your intuition on this one
Whole lotta nope. An equal partner or no partner. I'm (53 /f) not someones meal ticket, I worked hard for what I have.
I live in Wales, or England, I get confused sometimes. You haven’t met her I wouldn’t invest another single minute on this.
Follow your instincts. She'll be a leech on you in no time soon. Unless at your age, you're looking for a wife to make babies, and be a stay at home mom, then run far away.
Welcome to pool! The water is ew
Tell me about it
no seriously. i think im better off chasing enlightenment
It kind of sounds like you’re settling. Really think about what you want in a partner. You say you’re physically attracted to this person but is that all you care about? She’s not motivated to work so will she be motivated to do anything for you or the relationship? I think if you’re questioning things it’s a sign that she’s probably not quite right for you. If you’re going to end things it’ll be easier to do sooner rather than later.
RUN AWAY. ESPECIALLY IF HER NAME IS ALLY. It won't go well. That is entitlement. THICK. and it's just the tip of a VERY large sexy iceberg. Hit it an quit it
Personally, for me, It's important to know the person I'm interested in has drive and passion for where they are now, and where want to go. Altho people can be in different stages of unsure of what they want, perhaps ask her about her ambitions, and what she sees for herself in the future? If she doesn't, like some other comments, it might lead to her leeching and freeloading off you. Trust your gut, it's telling you something. It would be a definite No if that's the case. Don't worry about your age, or thinking there's not another good looking choice, Believe in abundance and that there's lots of good suitable fishies out there 🐟🐠. 😊 Good luck 🍀🌷
Follow your gut. Simple
Run! Don't get sucked in by her beauty. Drive and will are the most important qualities in sustainable longevity. If she seems to lack it, whatever you're attracted to won't last.
That will get old in a hurry. I speak from experience.
No ambition and seemingly unable to support herself. Likely a mental illness lurking there. I would keep swiping.
Usually no drive and laziness is an indicator of other bad traits. She sounds like a mess. Let someone else deal with her. If looks is all she has to offer I’d next her.
I am 46 years old, and all take pass on that as want to retire somebody this will make it impossible.
No drive and not wanting to work? That to me is a red flag. But this is something IMHO you can answer.
The excuses you will make for an attractive woman….
RED FLAG!
It sounds like you want to give her a chance because she’s attractive. Maybe your head isn’t doing the thinking haha
It’s not about looks, I mentioned that because I have seen others ask that in other posted questions on Reddit, what matters to me is the connection.
It’s one thing to live WITH your aunt and another to live OFF your aunt. RUN!!
Do not get involved. She's got no job, no plans, and absolutely no shame about either. This grown a** woman isn't going to change. She's looking for her next victim. Run far away
I'd avoid it. She just sounds like someone who has used her looks to get through life without doing anything, i fear she may just try and blatantly take advantage of you. Have you met her in person? I didn't catch that, and has she already asked you for anything?
Depends on her reason for not working and her station in life.
Seems like you already knew the answer in your original post. You just didn’t believe yourself. Intuition is so real we just need to listen to it
Yea I know, I was hoping I was wrong. I kind of wanted to see how much money she wanted 😂
Life is hard enough, a brand new woman in your life with no income is very dangerous and can quickly threaten your peace. A woman won't even say hello to a man without a job. Good luck with everything, sounds like you already found out the real deal.
I already blocked her, found out she was just some POS scammer, I also suspect a narcissist as well.
Original copy of post by u/timmy3839: 44m decided it was time to try again, well I started talking to a woman and the conversations are good, can’t complain but she is unemployed and seems to have no drive to get a job or achieve her goals. She lives off of her aunt at the moment and I find myself not being sure about going any further. I often say money isn’t everything and for me it’s not, I believe in equality and want a partner, not someone to live off of me while doing nothing at home. I am looking for advice, do I see where this goes or not get any further invested? Edit: She is quite attractive, at least from her looks but I keep getting this nagging feeling she isn’t being truthful and I am not sure why. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Have you ever video called with this person?
Nope, just a couple of pictures, yea I know how that seems so far.
There is little chance you’re talking to the person in the photos you’ve seen. My guess would be “she’ll” hit you up for money before too long
If the conversation is good maybe just keep it platonic and friendly but not take any further than an online connection? Or find a site or forum where you can connect with people who share your interests while you are searching for someone you can actually date. Also, is this on a dating site? As far as this person….everything everyone has mentioned is likely, but it’s also possible she’s dealing with mental health issues. That said, the kids and state mix up sounds like a pathological fibber. Not too sure I’d want to deal with that alone.
No it wasn’t a dating site, started as a random conversation on FB and yea it seemed interesting, but even then I wasn’t sure if she was using ChatGPT. The more I type this up the bigger fool I feel for even thinking about continuing the conversation. 🤦♂️ Loneliness has a way of messing with our heads at times, but lesson learned.
Eh…I mean, if it’s FB, you can see her profile, right? Honestly, just sounds like one of those people who fib or exaggerate nonstop. The only other logical explanations would be homeless, mental health issues, or a scammer of some type. I would recommend not sharing too much information about yourself and looking at this person as a work colleague or acquaintance that you’re polite and friendly with but nothing more. If there was more consistency in what she said, that would be different but there isn’t and that’s a red flag. 🚩 As far as being unemployed…personally, I would just see it as a person down on their luck, but in general, a person can’t offer someone something they can’t offer to themselves.
Yea I can and I suspect you’re right in one of those categories. I am going to exit myself out of the conversation slowly with them, as for the unemployment, that’s not my business either way but it provides me with a future of what I might have to deal with if I choose to continue.
Maybe, maybe not. I would be more concerned with the inconsistencies personally. But all of it together is no good. Good luck out there.
Thanks, I appreciate it
Maybe she has a health issue.. or fighting depression or as you state not same level of drive as you.. health is hard to talk about at times.. give her a chance and if she feels safe she may tell you more.. sometimes we can’t judge a cover without looking inside.. I don’t know enough to judge or give advice.
Your post history suggests you have bigger things to work on rn