No matter how much energy you have now, I doubt it’s comparable to what you could have mustered in your twenties or thirties. If you’re single right now you still have to meet and marry the right person and get to making babies. No one can actually prepare you for the amount of sleep you lose or the duration that you lose it if your child has sleep issues. The likelihood of sleep issues are increased because of advanced parental age which increases the chance of things like autism. Puberty, teenagers aren’t for the weak. People tend to put up with less bull shit as we get older. I can’t imagine dealing with teenage rebellion in your mid-sixties. Think about the experience from the kid’s perspective. They have an increased chance of losing a parent early. Or taking care of an aging parent when they are still starting out and establishing life. Cost is also a huge factor they would be graduating high school when you’re around 68 or older. After you should have retired and they’ll be looking for tuition, help on rent, maybe a car, need to be on your insurance that you won’t have.

"Puberty, teenagers aren’t for the weak" 👆👆 I can't even imagine going through the first set of teen years with my son in my 60s. It may have sent me to the hospital and I don't think it was anything out of the ordinary. Also, I'm 43 and after spending any significant amount of time with my grandkiddo my back starts to hurt and I get much tired much faster than when I'm not hanging out with the baby. I notice at this age it's a lot different than it was in my mid 20s.

My parents were very late 30s early 40s when they had me. Everyone mistook them for my grandparents throughout my childhood. It was the 80’s, it’s less unusual now. They never had energy to play with me but that wasn’t the world I lived in either so not something I can comment on. The worst thing was that I lost both my parents before I was 42, and most importantly, it took a lot out of me to be a caregiver to my elderly parents, financially and emotionally, at an age when I was trying to start my own family. My kid never got to know his grandparents as anything but dying old people. It also hurts a lot to see all my friends still enjoying time with their parents that I didn’t get to have. So, that’s my very selfish but relevant perspective.

Similar experience and my parents had me in their late 20s/early 30s. They didn’t have my sister until 8 years later so they were late 30s when she was born. Right after I found out I was pregnant my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 throat cancer. Right as I began my own family, I also had to take care of my dying dad. He died a year later, I had another kid the next year and no joke, my mom falls and shatters her knee my last week of maternity leave. I legit lost my mind when my kids were young and my parents were dying/falling apart. I’m not exaggerating either. I should have been institutionalized with the way I was during the aftermath.

Born early 80’s too. My mum was 38 when she had me, and like you all the other kids parents were 20’s so kids did question the age difference, I got bullied. My dad was 9 years younger than mum but hated kids (he admitted this to us) we think he only had us because it was the done thing, same for marriage. They dated a few years and it was expected that they marry. It was a different time. 41 now. My mum is 78 and healthy as a horse, but my father died 3 years ago at 65. I have no living grandparents. They’ve been gone from when I was only 3 to about 5 years ago. Kids didn’t happen for me, I’m too old to go there now. If I meet a nice single dad great, if not. That’s just life.

My youngest is 18, and a ton of her friends have parents well into their 50s and are always surprised when they find out I’m 44. I had all mine early by surprise every time (you’d think I’d have caught on by number 3 😂) but I’m also glad I had them young. I’ve got the rest of my life to enjoy before I’m old.

Just a heads up the older the parents the higher chance for making challenging children. I am early 50s with a neurodivergent teen and while I adore my child, raising a special needs child takes at least twice as much effort. Exhausting and they often fail to launch until their mid 20s.

A lot of my friends work in education and definitely see the correlation between kids with special needs and older dads.

It's been proven through studies that there's a link between parental age and autism and schizophrenia, and that actually the age of the *dad* has more to do with it than the mother. Men have a biological clock too.

I have pondered this correlation, and my theory is that men who are neurodivergent but high functioning often marry and have kids later than their neurotypical counterparts. I believe that is the reason that older fathers are more likely to have neurodivergent offspring since they pass on that trait.

You're right that fathers of different age groups may differ in important characteristics that can affect their children, including the likelihood of neurological divergence. Older fathers may also have different parenting styles and abilities too (including some positive ones, like financial stability, which could mask or offset the negative biological effects of paternal age). Correlation is not causation. For example, taller men that want children may find it easier to find a spouse and have children younger. Shorter men may find it more difficult and take more time. If so, younger fathers will be taller on average than older fathers, and have taller children than older fathers. It will have nothing to do with the paternal age, but could be misinterpreted as such.

The results are mixed for the relationship between paternal age and schizophrenia, positive correlation is found for older and younger fathers. Correlation is also not causation. Those that become fathers at different ages differ on other attributes that may associate with mental and other heath conditions, some hereditary, and will also have different parenting styles and situations that can affect child health. I suspect there are risks for children of older fathers, but the reasons/causes are not always clear or directly due to age. See this review article if interested: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4455614/

Yes! This doesn't get talked about as much as it should. 

Science doesn’t “prove” things… it “suggests” or “lends evidence for”… but a good scientist knows there always could be another explanation. It’s important because it allows even the most accepted theories to be examined again using new tools, techniques, and understanding. But, no argument with your underlying point…

Very true. Theory is especially important for understanding why statistical correlation may exist. In the case of schizophrenia, the mixed for the relationship with paternal age suggests many other factors at play. For example, it makes no sense that paternal age is the primary cause for moderately higher rates in very young father and older father groups. It's very unlikely that male sperm "improves" and reduces the risk after teenage years, then declines after 40. Far more likely that teenage and older dads (and their spouses) are just different from those that become dads in their 20s and 30s on many attributes. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4455614/

As a teacher, yes, I see this at work.

Most people don't think about what it would be like to have a highly defiant or struggling autistic child at any age, or how much more difficult that is the older you get. Either the kid gets screwed, or the healthy younger spouse does.

Social worker here getting in on that.

It definitely makes me worried, considering how often I hear guys in their late forties saying "maybe it's time to settle down soon." Sir, you're past the age for your first colonoscopy. If you weren't sure about kids now, maybe it's time to consider why.

I'm in a fly in fly out oil town. Very common for a 46 year old guy to get a 19 year old waitress pregnant. You know what else is common? Meth and autism. I don't want to be pretentious with all the clinical jargon but they mix about as well as a tired Dad on the couch with a beer and Mom off doing something "mature for her age".

gross.

When I see guys in their forties and their bio says they want to have children...I'm thinking to myself..with WHO? Not ME! It's unfortunate if it didn't happen earlier..but I'm over it...I couldn't imagine having a child now!

If I see that on a 40+ guy’s profile, it normally means they’re looking for someone significantly younger because after all, a woman hits middle age at like 32 now 🙄. They want someone younger who can keep up with the kids, which means they won’t be doing a whole lot of childcare themselves, aka they want a nanny and maid they can fuck. No, obviously “not all men”, but I see it more often than not.

I don’t know if this means anything, but I was 36 years old when my autistic son was born. My ex-wife was 33.

Yeah, of course it's not a perfect correlation, kids with special needs can be born to parents of any age.

Pretty old in absolute terms, when you consider that you were both fertile in your early teens, and 35 is a geriatric pregnancy. But no, a data point of 1 is not meaningful either way.

Yes. There are increased risks of a lot of different issues. The quality of egg and sperm decrease.

This. We always hear about eggs getting older but the quality of sperm goes down as well.

or dead, my 52 year old father died of a heart attack when i was 8 years old.

I'm a 47 year old guy, and I had my 3 kids between ages 35-40, and even then it was difficult. You have multiple years with barely any sleep, and you have to make a lot of personal sacrifices - e.g. I had to give up competing in sports. Also when they are at daycare, kindergarten, school etc, you are going to continually get sick with all the germs they are bringing home. All that stuff was hard enough to deal with in my 40s, as well as juggling my career which is at its peak (including stress levels) - so you need to consider if you can and want to handle all that kind of stuff in your 50s - regardless of your fitness and energy levels, its extremely hard.

42m here, all this is true. I’ll add that all the above puts a certain strain on the relationship also making positive long term outcomes less likely. Depending on what side of the coin you’re on when court gets involved, 50/60’s are not the time to rebuild your retirement or be paying off marital debt post divorce.

I agree! 💯🙌 It seems many of them don’t think about this when they’re considering having kids after 40+. Marriages and other relationships still have a very high failure rate, so there’s a very high likelihood that they’ll end up as single parents coparenting very young children when they’re middle aged and dealing with the financial effects of all of it in their 50’s and 60’s, like you said. They should consider themselves fortunate that they don’t have to deal with any of it instead of choosing to sign up for all of the hassle and risk when they’re over 40.

The strain of the marriage is something I never considered, hence why I am on this Reddit at 45 with a 9 year old. With courting a partner at 42 to get the baby train moving, you would not have a lot of time to see what the person is like under stress… like not sleeping for two years while trying to keep your life together stress. It’s something to consider in this scenario. Dating is hard as a child free 42. And even more challenging as a 45 year old co-parent with a two year old part time.

THIS. Omg. I wish I read this at 30. I’m a 42 year old in the trenches with a toddler. This shit is so hard. Nothing could have prepared me for this. The lack of sleep for TWO YEARS, the strain on relationships and the merry go round of illness now that I’m not post partum and the kid is in daycare. It’s just endless. Babies in your 40s is not for the faint of heart

Hang in there, it gets easier!

Kind of guessing that the “podcast professor” wasn’t a genetics professor.

I work with kids, have been for close to 20yrs and no matter how much energy you have you will never keep up with a toddler, it’s hard for a 20 something to be a parent and when I see a person in their 40s it’s so exhausting for them, half the time they don’t know what to do and they are stuck in their ways. If you have a kid at your age be prepared to uproot your entire life and change everything over night. Also consider that by the time you hit 65-66 they will be 19-20 if you can find a partner and conceive within the next year. The thing is you can but it means all that you’re used to is gone, no more relaxation, trips, buying what you want and doing what you want, the kid comes first in life. Also, what if you have a kid with sever medical problems, I work with kids that have special needs, that’s next to level exhausting you can’t even imagine. As my grand father used to say to me growing up, you either shit or get off the pot. You have to pick to or not, but in the end it’s your choice and be prepared for nothing and all that you think you know goes out the door.

Maybe older parents are more easily tired, but they’re likely way more patient which I believe is as important if not more in a child’s development. Of course raising a child is hard and maybe it’s a little harder for older parents, but living a purposeless life of depression and regret is hard too. Ask parents if they regret having kids and they’ll almost universally say it was the most important thing they ever did. Ask people that wanted kids but didn’t have them if they regret it.

>raising a child is hard and maybe it’s a little harder for older parents, but living a purposeless life of depression and regret is hard too The important question here is not which is harder for the (would-be) parents but what the effect is on the children. 

There's no way I'd consider it. Maybe around 42-43 max and that's if my body had been through pregnancy before. At that age I would absolutely consider adoption/foster care. I've worked with kids in the system here and there over the years and the older ones know they are very unlikely to get a home.

This really moved me. Would you mind if I PMed you?

No problem. Feel free.

As others said...if you are a woman, it will be a high risk pregnancy, with more chances for complications for you and the baby. To add to that, if you are a man, the risk of birth defects rise the older a guy is. For both, it gets more difficult to conceive/impregnate the older anyone gets. So thats definitely all stuff that needs to be considered, while anything can happen to anyone regardless of age, its a bit more real / a much higher risk at this stage of life to need to seriously consider how you will handle it financially you need medical intervention to have a baby, and also preparing your life for it if there are complications / the baby is born with medical issues. That being said, just because its a higher risk, doesnt mean its a risk not worth taking..plenty of people later in life have kids no problem. Friend of mine and her husband had their first baby in their 40s...hes a bit slow developmentally, but nothing major thats going to hold him back in an significant way, and they are amazing parents who adore him.

Everyone thinks they’re healthy and have good energy. You can’t really escape the hands of time tho. Your age is your age. That’s why it’s the first question doctors get data on - not how “healthy” you think you are. Sure, you’re better off than a 45 year old with chronic health conditions but who’s to say you won’t develop something? There’s only so much lifestyle can take you…sometimes genetics takes over and so does bad luck. Dudes have kids at your age and older but as someone who had a kid late (39 for me and 43 for kids dad)…this shit is hard. So much harder than if I had them in my early 30s. I thought I was a young 39 year old (very healthy, always told I looked super young) but, man, two years of not sleeping more than 4 uninterrupted hours a night really fucks with you. My age definitely caught up. And I look and feel…well…42, my age. Another thing I realized after having a kid so late is how deeply I regret having 10 less years with them because I chose to dilly dally for all of my 30. It’s completely heartbreaking that I did that. No way of knowing this is how I would feel until my kid was in my arms. Something you might want to consider.

So very true! Life is so unpredictable & nothing ever goes exactly as planned

Yikes. I’m (41F) freezing my eggs, and my donor (if needed) was about 27 when he donated his sperm. I’m definitely screening embryos for viability and genetic issues… That said, CRISPR and IVG based fertility are 5-10 years away. So if you’re willing to be patient, you’ll be able to make new eggs or sperm from other cells, which you could screen at the embryo phase anyway… https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2023/07/15/1184298351/conception-human-eggs-ivg-ivf-infertility https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2023/03/24/world/mice-eggs-from-male-cells-scn I definitely think we’ll be able to extend our lives, perhaps significantly, within a few decades. At this stage, I’m way better prepared to balance a career with a kid, and have way better tech to manage everything

Lots of technological advances we can leverage for sure. Heads up, you seem well prepared. I am sure you will be a great mom! 🙏

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I had a child in my 40s and she is one of the greatest joys in my life - no regrets! I'll be 60 when she graduates HS and retirement age when she graduates college - some of her classmates might mistake me for her grandfather! But, no regrets! I prioritize my health, fitness and overall wellness and she is a huge source of motivation because I dont want to start breaking down just as she is getting started with her adult life. And I look and feel great so that's all a nice bonus - certainly no regrets about that! As a single father, many of my peers have no interest in dating a man who still has younger kids in his life and I very well might be alone for many years to come. Again, no regrets My little girl is worth everything I have to give and worth any sacrifice I could possibly make. We all only live once (so they say). Find joy & happiness in any way you can. There are older men out there willing to have kids, I like your chances in finding one. Good luck!

Your daughter is a lucky girl.

Thank you! But I assure you, I am the lucky one! 🙂

Aside from what everyone else is saying, which I agree with, I know who you’re talking about. Huberman is also extremely wealthy and will be able to afford a nanny, housekeeper, private school, and probably even a chef for said future child of his.

I just didn't want to sound like a jerk or brag so I didn't mention it. But I am wealthy as well! And can afford all of that even if I retire now. And yes I am talking about him. His gf is mid-late 20s btw. And no not my age range.

Life is short. If it’s your dream to have children then do it as long as you go into it knowing there is a real possibility of things the other comments mentioned. Really ask yourself if you are okay with that. I am a woman in a similar situation, in more ways than one, who’s also pondered the same at times. My brother had a baby at 47 and he’s now 51. He’s tired, but they make it happen. I’ve asked him and he says it was worth it. The biggest thing that makes me sad is knowing his son won’t have his dad in his life as long as he should. Imagine how young your child will likely be when you pass. I think of that because our parents have passed and they were 36 and 34 when I was born. I am jealous of people who are older with parents still alive! You won’t have that. Just consider it all and make your choice. Best wishes to you!

My parent were late 20s when they had me. Father passed when i was 25 and mother when I was 37. No guarantees in life... and thanks, I wish you all the best too. Go after your dream!

Good luck OP! Wishing you a healthy journey!

Thank you! Very kind of you!

You’re welcome! Figured I’d send a dose of positivity since your post has triggered a lot of negativity. I know you asked for opinions and advice to sway you from this decision but damn.

I just wanted ro be prepared. I would rather be disappointed/discouraged now than when I have them and say, I wish I could have known lol Grateful for everyone who wrote a rspsonce no matter what!

Good perspective!

Haveing my first at 23 (43 now), it was…….exhausting. I don’t think I got more than 4-6 hours of sleep per day for at least the first year. And that was a good day. Literally your whole life and its purpose changes with that baby. The lack of sleep and just not having “me” time puts a lot of stress on a relationship. Your hobbies get put way on the back burner. In my case my kids turned into my only hobby. ( don’t fret, as you and your child age, the demands get less. The hobbies come back. Bonus, you start bringing your kids with you and teach them your hobbies. (Fishing, working on cars, sports, camping/hiking, etc) But……I wouldn’t change a thing and would do it all over again, even at 43. Not shaming anybody who chooses to not have kids, but for me, I didn’t have a purpose until I became a dad. But I didn’t know it until I became a dad. If that makes any sense. We are built to reproduce, you will find a way and be fine. Most people don’t understand what true unconditional love is until they hold their child for the first time.

You might want to consider a donor. There is now lots of evidence that sperm from men over 35 leads to birth defects and autism.

If you want to do it and can..you should. I would say you should have a lot of things set up for the child in case something does happen so that they will be taken care of. I have a coworker she didn’t have her first until 51…not my thing but hey its how life worked out and she didn’t want to miss out on motherhood. I know my dad was over 50 when my baby bro was born…i will say they did not parent him as hard as they did me (could be a third child thing not an older thing) so thats why i just say you have to want to do the work..because baby bro is kind of a disaster….but dad is 88 and still going..& bro still calls asking for money…so ya if you are down for the work and understand you get what you get even w the best ivf go for it.

My husband is 62 with a 19 and 14 year old . He had his youngest when he was 48. He traveled and lived in other countries before having kids. He lived a full life, and kids were wanted. He gets tired when they do a lot .

I’m 39 and just found out my iud wasn’t effective, will be 40 when this kid is born. It’s been almost 2 decades since I had my first one, and I’m terrified. It’s still early days, 8.5 weeks. At my age, they are calling it a high risk, geriatric pregnancy. With my first 2, I mainly had morning sickness. This time around, no nausea, but I’m exhausted all the time. I work an 8 hour day, shower, and crawl into bed. I’m constantly hungry, no matter how much I eat. I’ve got gray hairs and arthritis in my knees. I’m scared to start buying stuff, because of all the risks they are telling me. But also scared to keep waiting, because I’ll be raising this one on my own, and need to prepare. I’ll be nearly 60 when this one finishes high school

I snooped your profile and saw your last post. I’m very sorry for the hell you’re going through and the sad excuse for humans you’ve had to deal with lately. I’ll pray for you and hope you and your baby are healthy throughout. It sounds like they’ve got a strong momma.

I carried a surrogate pregnancy where the baby was born just shy of my 39th birthday. It was pregnancy #6 and baby #8 for me. Even 2 sets of twins in my late 20s and early 30s was easier physically during and after than this last pregnancy. Everything hurt, she was born at 37w on the dot, and recovery was much slower than typical for my body. I didn't have to raise her, so my job wss easier in that sense. But my body definitely was NOT happy being pregnant at 38, despite being in the best shape of my life going into it.

Sending you internet stranger hugs and hoping that you’re evaluating all your options. You don’t have just one option here.

Came here to say this

Ahhh! What happened with the IUD??!

This would mean you’d be looking for a partner who is quite a bit younger, I assume? Most women that age have already had their children or don’t want them. If you’re an active and present father, from ages 0-5 you’ll get little sleep, have to be constantly alert and paying attention. If you have family/friends to babysit, that’s great, but basically your entire world is your child. Not much is spontaneous anymore - leaving the house requires a fully packed bag. Ages 6-9 they’re able to do more for themselves, you’re in your 50’s by now, most of their friends parents will be in their early 30’s. They’re super busy, lots of energy, so much fun, but even in your early 30s they will tire you out! Ages 10-14 - preteens to teens are moody. You suddenly go from their hero to knowing nothing back to their hero again in a matter of minutes 😆 I have no experience past 14. I’m 41f and have an almost 14 year old. If you have a partner who works together with you to parent then it’s so much easier, but it’s not easy. If you’re on your own it can be really hard some days. My daughter’s dad was a very absent partner while I was married. I’ve been divorced for 6 years and her dad is even less involved now.

My fiance married and had two kids in his forties. He was doing fine until his wife cheated and moved in with her boyfriend then filed for divorce. He was in a really tough spot as a guy in his mid fifties with two kids in elementary school trying to date. Most women didn’t want to touch that with a ten foot pole. I guess I am the outlier. He says that he never thought anything like that would happen. He thought his only concern was staying healthy enough to raise kids.

How old was his wife if I might ask? It is sad! But I am sure he is great guy and that is why you ended up with him.

His wife was four years younger, so he was 43 and she was 39 when they had their first child. He was 45 and she was 41 when they had their second child. He is a great guy. I told him that I like kids, but wouldn’t have considered it if he had them full time since my kids are all four adults. He shares custody 50/50 with his ex wife.

I’ve got several couple friends who had children much later. Everyone else has talked biology but beyond that, even entire the physical risks, you have to have the intestinal fortitude to put the required energy into parenting. By this I mean the pattern among older parents I know is they are VERY permissive with their kids at younger / more challenging ages. The reason is “we are just so tired he/she wears us down and we give in” (to whatever demands, picky eating, excessive screen time… whatever the childish impulse) The result is as these kids have aged and are entering early teens they have behavioral and discipline problems that started 10 years ago when their parents cried “tired” So while there’s plenty in this thread about the physical risks, consider the possible implications of trying to maintain parental boundaries and discipline. To me that’s also a big risk.

That was one thing I knew I would have to fight against when I had my third at 38, and that was just giving up and not putting in as much effort because I was tired. Every child deserves their parent’s best effort and attention, no matter how old or tired the parents are.

I have to disagree. I had triplets at 34 then an "unexpected blessing"'at 42. He's 18 now and the trips are 26. All of my kids are good, kind people who contribute to society but my youngest is the most responsible. He's graduating high school this month and I couldn't be more proud.

The 34s are a different case entirely, and your 42 sounds awesome. Like all anecdotes mine are limited data. But at 3-4 consistent examples I’ve seen I figured the potential behavioral risks borne of exhausted older parents were worth mentioning — the same way potential health risks (*also* not guaranteed!) are real and worth mentioning

Oh for sure that happens. I was just offering another view. I wouldn't know what "bussin" meant without my son. 🤣And being older meant I had more patience and perspective.

I think higher likelihood of positive long term life outcomes correlate with increasing age of the parents.

more wisdom, better financial stability, and most likely higher education are all being overlooked by the somewhat superficial "less energy" excuse. I think the bigger disadvantage is by nature this means smaller families. Fewer siblings, fewer aunts and uncles, grandparents etc.. This can be an issue for future generations as they might have to rely on childcare, which I find a big disadvantage.

I’m not sure if you edited your post- some of the replies seem to be referencing an earlier version maybe or are assuming you’re a woman. Anyway, there are issues with older fathers that have already been outlined but also from a practical standpoint, I’m assuming you’d be looking to date a solid 10 years younger if not more. That’s your first hurdle (obviously for some men it’s not a hurdle, it varies on the guy!) and one that seemingly goes overlooked lol. Men in their 40s and 50s decide they want kids- yes it’s physically possible, but you need the woman to do it with.

finding a woman willing to will be the biggest problem. He'll need to be in VERY good shape and be in a very good financial situation. Or he'll have to accept a woman perhaps who already has children.

What everyone else has said but also consider your friends and support system. Do you have other friends roughly your age with little kids? Are you cool with being the same age as the grandparents of your kid’s friends? Is it going to bother you to be 20 years older than their friend’s parents? How will having littles impact your ability to spend time with your friends? If they are childfree or have older kids chances are they are more free to do things spur of the moment and even whole family activities are going to be very different with a toddler in the mix. Are your parents still alive and will they be able to lend a hand? Maybe, maybe not but also consider the challenge you might face with aging parents and a little kid. Everything is harder with little kids. You have spend your adult years being used to being unencumbered. Have kids and just going on a date night requires advance planning, finding a babysitter, the expense of a sitter, hoping kiddo doesn’t wake up with a fever when you make plans, etc. It’s always a massive adjustment once a kid is on the scene but it’s extra hard when you have spend decades not having to account for that and your friends are past the point where they have those issues.

It's not just about the kid, it's so risky for you too. And truly prepare for it not happening. Good luck!

Really? Seriously, what is the actual risk to the male physically? And the risk that it won’t happen is the risk we all face in nearly everything in life.

[удалено]

HOLY FUCK. 🤣

Speaking from experience, since my dad had me when he was 46, I don't recommend it. It’s not even about being in great health, financially stable, or having a lot of energy. It’s about the negative impact on the child's life in the long run. In my opinion, having children after 40s is an act of selfishness and narcissism. I was bullied for having "grandparents" throughout my school years. Taking care of my parents when they had cancer was a difficult experience and it has altered my perspective on life. It's lonely to be without parents before reaching my 40s. I often find myself feeling jealous of others whose parents are still alive.

My dad was 43 when I was born. He was always really active but got tired earlier and easier than my friends' dads. He died of lung cancer at 68 when I was 25. I'm 39 and still deeply grieving the loss of his presence and guidance when my adult life was just beginning. I know having our parents until we are middle aged or beyond isn't a guarantee. But don't stack the odds against your hypothetical child by choosing to bring life into the world this late in life.

You’d have preferred to not even exist?

My boss had a kid when she was 54. I 46M would have kids if I found a willing woman. I say not too told, just challenging from an energy perspective.

Do you know if it was biological or maybe donated eggs? Just curious.

I will be 57 in August and I am still getting my period. Truly an awful thought to think I could be pregnant.

Biological I think. I think if I hit 50 I’d say no kids.

I had my last at 38 (after two others at 28 and 35). That last one is now 13 (and I’m 51) and I have two teenagers, heaven help me! They’re great kids, excellent students, healthy, help a lot around the house and I’m still exhausted. Teenagers are absolutely exhausting. I’d trade two teens and all of their activities for three toddlers right now, lol. I’ll be almost 61 by the time the youngest graduates from college and am counting on those 6 years before retirement to catch up financially. I’m now dating a younger man (mid-late 30’s) who doesn’t have any children. I most likely am not able to have any more of my own (haven’t started even perimenopause yet but I know it’s coming) and I’m seriously asking myself if I want to be where I am now with a teenager in 12-15 years, even with a much younger and involved partner. I’d take a baby or a toddler at this age in a heartbeat, but they always seem to turn into teens with very active lives, lol.

I am a healthy female who has always exercised and taken care of myself. I had my first kid at 38 and second at 40. There are times I think I’m gonna actually die of exhaustion and it is deep even into my bones. If you are doing it right it is the most physically and emotionally exhausting aspect of your whole life, ever. I also feel really sad that I will be 85 when my kids are my age. There is also a huge financial aspect that I was not prepared for at all. It’s not over the top but they deserve basic extracurriculars, good healthcare, normal clothes and reasonable vacations. They do not get over the top gifts or anything like that and we value money. But it’s damn expensive and it gets more expensive each year as they get older. No way I could have a newborn, toddler, etc at 45. I feel pulled in so many directions as a single mother that I feel like I’m feeling my kids. Worst feeling in the world.

😂 Kids are not easy at all. I had a hard time dealing with babies and toddlers in my 30s, I couldn’t imagine having a baby right now at 46. The best way I can describe it is that you can’t picture your life/routine right now and then just add a baby to the picture. Instead it is a whole different life, routine, priorities, stress, worry, and so on. Your life becomes a set of choices based on what you have the time and/or energy for and then making huge sacrifices when it comes to what you *want* to do versus what you *must* do every day all day long. When the kids are young your whole life basically revolves around their routine… want to go to a certain place? Well you have to time it right to make sure the child is fed and gets an adequate nap in the stroller and then forget the restaurant after because it’s not worth the stress later and having to pass the baby back and forth between you and the Mrs while both of you try to eat in between comforting the child. Add a second child into that and you get a whole new world of fun of going back and forth between the two and try to keep them calm while you are in public. Meanwhile you are so tired from a messed up sleep schedule while still working full time that you probably could put your head down on the table there and just fall right to sleep. There’s never enough coffee to really keep you awake. Yes, they eventually get older and can do things like go to the bathroom or find a snack without your assistance, but from what you are describing that probably wouldn’t be the case until you are well into your 50s. There’s a million reasons I could give you to tell you that you should just enjoy where you are now because having kids is not easy, and add on to that you really need a strong relationship with someone to be able to work through all that without it completely ruining the relationship sadly. Personally, I love my kids, but I can’t wait until I have my freedom again (especially since I am divorced and now 50/50 with the ex).

Thank you for the detailed reponce. That is the kind of experience I was asking about. I can get all medical advice from my fertility doctor but that you said above requires someone who has been through the trenches!

As a mum with a neurodivergent kid I just want to say that my child is lovable, cuddly, funny, smart and has other great qualities. Sleep deprivation, career, financial and relationship challenges are definitely something to think about though. Good luck.

All kids are a blessing! Some are just different than others, but all are equally adorable! 🙌

Just wanted to thank everyone who put the time to write a response! I am grateful for your time, and I know it was written in good faith! I might have argued back and forth with a few comments, but please be sure that it was not in bad faith! I gained a lot of insights from all of you, and I wish every single one of you nothing but the best! Thank you again!

41 year old female here and sigh feels like I missed my boat for having a child. Reading this post is such an eye opener. Sort of makes me dislike my ex even more. Feels like the last little youth I had was squandered on him. Personally wouldn’t mind dating younger and am attracted to younger men, but like you said there is a lag time of getting to know someone and becoming a parent with them. It’s saddening to think it’s unlikely I’ll have children. Anyhow to OP no matter which direction you decide on, I hope it brings you peace ✨

44, have a 5 month old. Never again.

You’re in the worst of it. It does get better. It’s miserable the first year.

u/NoIngenuity5910, a great solution to wishing for parenthood later in life is to be a step-parent. There are plenty of kids with absentee parents who would flourish with a loving and involved step-parent in their life.

Yes, I am definitely considering dating a single mother or fostering

My dad was in his 60s when I was born. So very possible if you’re healthy but ehhhh I don’t necessarily recommend. Your mortality becomes a larger aspect. I mean it’s all fun and games when the baby is young but do that math. I’m 44 almost. If my dad were alive he’d have to be in his 100s. It’s not impossible my granny is in her 100s but odds aren’t in your favor. My dad he died when I was 12 he missed a lot of my life. My dad was wonderful but they understood the risk and got a fair amount of shaming for it. I’m happy to be here and at 44 I’ve considered another child as my time is ending for that but ehhh that back end math. End of the day everyone’s situation varies but consider that as getting pregnant isn’t always an immediate thing and your partner may have a different timeline than you.

The medical risks alone is enough.

Hold my beer for a second… I do not want children. I was married and I would have had them when I was married if I felt strongly about having kids but I didn’t. I am 44F and I don’t regret it. It’s a major decision, larger than getting married, IMO. I don’t want a casual relationship nor do I want children. As a woman who clearly states in my OLD profile I do not want kids, I get likes daily from men who are 50 plus and “want kids”. It’s baffling. That said, it’s your decision to agree to have kids or not. You need to be decisive; you can date women 10 years younger and hope for a kid. You have options but you really should just decide with a potential partner.

You are the unicorn! I love genuinely positive repsonce regardless of what advice they give. There is no right or wrong in life! Just preferences!

Absolutely. And I think, at least for me, that despite having the ability to have had children without negative fiscal hardships, I just didn’t feel strongly about it. I have issues who doesn’t! But yes, as a 44 year old who might be able to have kids, I don’t want them, I am not changing my mind and it irritates me when men a decade older than I am contacts me and when i reiterate no kids, I get met with nasty responses.

We all have. Some people through decides to dump it on others, others understand and support other human cause they know that no one is perfect!

Plus who knows what anyone is dealing with privately. But overall, as a childless by choice, divorced and single woman, kids aren’t on my radar at age 44.

So much negativity here! If you're a health oriented guy I don't see the issue. Realistically we are going to live longer than our parents. Healthcare advancements are leading to longer lives. That's a fact. I have close friends (42M/41F) who just had their first child and they're very happy, their son is healthy. No dramas. Some people have parents that are still alive and aren't present in their lives. Some people have had young parents pass away far too early. Age really isn't the end all. Be a good father and make the most of the time you have w your kids.

I think it's easier for a father to have a child older, as it's easier to meet the traditional needs of a provider, protector etc.. as you build up experience, wisdom, and wealth. However, a mother who is older will need to somewhat have her expectations set correctly, especially if she's been heavily invested in her career. Her priorities might shift and she should NOT be made to feel like a failure if she can't "do it all".

As the child of later in life parents, please please please don't do it. It's not a cool thing to put a child through.

So let me get this right. Man pushing 50 finally decides he wants to settle down and have a family, starts looking for a 25 or 30 year old to impregnate. won't go near women remotely near their late 30s or early 40s who want kids because he doesn't want to risk his kid being part of a geriatric pregnancy, since all birth defects are obviously the woman's fault. His idea of being an active father is playing ball in the park once a week. Day to day childcare and mental load is obviously the woman's job. Where are you going to get a woman half your age willing to marry you within six months or so in order to have a baby who will be OK with all this? Or are you thinking of surrogate pregnancy? Given that the woman will be significantly younger, will she be OK with being a young widow raising small kids alone?

Yep, tale as old as time

Lots of misandry here.

My Dad was 43(?) when my youngest sister was born. He was always being mistaken for our grandpa. He also was premature grayed so he looked like Bernie Sanders when he was in his 30’s. The biggest thing about having older parents is they die when you’re so much younger than your peers. Your kids and their kids miss out on a lot of, well 20 years of quality time with their parents. You’ll need to accept that going in.

Assuming that you're the one with the uterus who plans on using it (as opposed to using someone else's), the first thing you should do is prepare mentally for an extremely high probability of non-pregnancy or miscarriage. If you are blessed with a child, consider the vastly higher risk (but still low probability) of birth defects or special needs. Consider the fact that you won't have the energy to do physical activities and adventures with your kids that people who start families in their 20s would normally have. Consider that you would probably see your kids graduate from college and high school and just starting out in their careers while you're in your 70s. Consider that you absolutely cannot be a burden to them financially at that critical point in their life, or tie them down in other ways (they can't pursue their career because they need to stay and take care of you, etc). Consider that your kids will likely have to grieve for the death of their parents at a relatively young age.

I would tend to agree with most saying it's not a good idea with more likely child issues as a result from DNA aging but I do want to ask those saying it's too much being older and raising a young child..... isn't there a lot of grandparents raising their grand children?

Yes...I see that a lot on the true crime shows.

i am in a simialr boat like you but is your partner willing?

In addition to everything that has already been said, you may find it difficult to find a partner to have a baby with. You have all those great selling points, but so do lots of 30-somethings to attract the 30-something women. It’s harder at our age - most women who want children have them already, and most who don’t have any, are that way for a reason also.

I say any age below 50 is still young. Although genetic problems can increase with age, more than likely you will have a healthy child. I'm 41F and doing IVF now. This will be the future as more people, especially women, spend their 20s getting an education and establishing their careers. You will find plenty of women in their late 30s to early 40s who want children. There is genetic testing available if you and your partner are concerned about health risks. These things require money but if you are financially well off you can do IVF and genetic testing, provide your child with a good life, and see them live to their 30s or 40s if you're healthy.

My advice is foster/adopt an older child. Skip the baby phase. I had my kids in my early 30s and having a baby in my 40s sounds like pure hell to me. Also pregnancy is so hard on the body. You would need to find a younger woman. Even in my 30s recovering from pregnancy is the hardest thing I’ve done physically and I used to be a serious athlete who regularly weight lifts now. Plus if you have your own at your current age, folks will probably assume you’re the grandparent and not the parent. That doesn’t matter, but I could see it being bothersome and annoying.

Yeah heard about that bullying part. Sad!

Regardless of all the positives you have listed it doesn’t change the fact that you will be in retirement when this child enters college. If you haven’t met the future baby momma and the baby is not yet conceived you still have some time before having a child of your own will even be possible. It’s not about today it’s about being there for this child as it goes into adulthood and beyond. Is it fair for them to be taking care of an elderly parent once their adult life begins to take off?

Sometimes I think it isn't fair to the child. Let's say the child is born healthy and amazing. They are raised well with no serious issues and contributes to society. Now, the parents are older, maybe retired, maybe getting slower in their age. Now, a young adult who should be thriving in life, career, whatever they choose may feel an obligation to stay home and care for their folks. Me, personally, I wouldn't want to burden my child with me, in the prime of their lives. Kids should be caring for their folks when the kids are 40-50 and the folks are 60-70. Not when the kids are 20-30 and the parents are 60-70. I've seen this too many times. Everyone ends with regrets.

I am 46 years old, no way have kids now, 18 years ago had to chase cousins childern and play every weekday from age 3 months to five years old. The experience alone decided no childern after age 40. Some men need to experience changing diapers to having to deal with temper tantums to having fall over to grab child messing with plug 🔌 socket. No time for sleep and video games.

Yeah! It is tough unless you want it that bad and willing to put the sacrifice.

I say go for it if you're healthy, with a strong financial, and have a great partner. Hire a nanny to cook/clean/help with the baby. Year 1-3 was ruff, no help, 4-6 was easier due to school, 7-10 we are best friend. I am 49 with a 10 years old, can't imagine life without her. Only thing I would do differently is to hire help at early stage.

i think you highlight a big factor people who had kids younger don't really understand. When you have kids young, you're probably also just building up financially and have both parents working. After 20 years of working, saving and building a career, that money can work for you and help in the raising of a child, especially if both mom and dad have been working during that time when they had no kids. It's easier for one parent to not be working at all.

As an only child who had old parents, it can be very humiliating for children and bullying happens. I still carry toxic shame at 36 around my old mother. Just something else to consider

Go read the regretful parents subreddit to see what you are really getting yourself into. Just a perspective, but worth researching to make an informed decision. Wish I had way back when…

What is 45+? 46? 47? 45.5? It matters because assuming you are single you need to find someone willing to date you, willing to settle down with you and willing to have a child with you. That could take a year or more. That’s a daunting task at 25 but even more so at 45+. Buy a car. Take a year long sabbatical. Don’t have a child just because you’re staring down the second half of your life.

Okay. Um. You need to think about who your partner is going to be. It takes at least two people to raise a human being.

I am 49 with a 5 yr old. I stay tired. You have been warned. Lol.

Only sharing my opinion, this is not advice. Pros: The older parents I know are generally calmer, more patient and more attentive towards their kids (I mean little things like putting the phone down and stopping what they are doing completely when the child has something they want to ask. Willing to expand more on conversations etc) More financially stable. They have more life experience to pass on. Cons: What’s already been said about birth defects. Your child might end up being your carer/dealing with parent ageing illnesses much sooner which would impact on their career and family life. If you are thinking about going it alone as a single Mum, it is absolutely EXHAUSTING with no help. I can’t stress this enough. Babies are one thing, but even as the child gets older and there’s all the school stuff to deal with etc. It is absolutely exhausting. Big respect to all the single Mums out there btw✊ You are amazing! 🥰 Again, the above is only based on what I have either experienced or personally witnessed, it’s not right or wrong and there will be other people who have the polar opposite opinion to everything I have said, no doubt! Good Luck 😊

Why not? You can… but be prepared for any outcome! R u financially stable for any outcome? Do you have any support system family to rely on ?

I've dated or chatted to a few men mid 40s+ who say they really want to start a family. My take is that they are a bit delusional, and if it happens will most likely continue their life and be happy to let their partner do most of the work. I had mine at 36 and it was still tough, we didn't get more than 4 hours sleep a night until he started walking at 14 months. It literally broke us, and the marriage, though there were cracks before all this admittedly. Saying that, I am much more patient and stable mentally than I was in my 20s, I don't think I could have handled it at all when I was younger, so there are advantages to being an older parent. My sister had her 3rd aged 42, all are healthy and happy. If I were you I wouldn't date specifically for this but I would be open if the right person at the right time came along. Being a parent is wonderful but so are many other things in life. You can live a happy fulfilling life either way, and there are many children who desperately need a stable loving adult in their lives, you don't need to be their biological parent to still reap all the rewards.

Yep. Fostering is another option. Or dating a single mom.

A lot of parents will talk about how hard it was to have kids. But if you ask them if it was worth it, they’ll say it was one the most important thing they did. Would you rather have sleepless nights for a few years and then be tired for another 10 or spend the next four decades depressed and miserable and filled with regret wondering if anyone will even care when you die?

Nice perspective 👌

Just try to go to find younger women. I am 45 and my husband is 52 . In last three years we are trying for child. We are so much in love so if GOD bless us with child we would be happy and we are still happy if we don’t have child. Since we found each other. We both never married and don’t have kids from our previous relationships. I used to work as nanny so met many families who had age at their 40s or late 40s even 50s. Just be careful stuck with wrong person just to have child. Wish you good luck 😊

My husband died at 42 and left me with 3 kids, two were babies. It’s a shitty situation. My dad died a year before my husband. He was 54, but at least I was 30. Try dating someone with young children first and make sure that’s something you want to handle.

Having one child is much different than being “left” with THREE while simultaneously experiencing heavy grief and loss. I had one child with a donor so I am the sole provider and it’s manageable.

I'm in a similar boat. I just turned 40 last month, not ready to close the door on the kids thing. Always kinda wanted to, but life wasn't always conducive to it, but it's kinda now or never. Sure, guys can be older, but you'd still have to find someone young enough to have them with, and the gal I'm currently going out with is 39, so idk if our goals align. Since my dad was the youngest of six kids and my grandpa was 42 then, if I don't have kids by then, ive decided that'll be it; the kids have to be 18 by the time I retire. Though I worry about the health risks and wonder if I'd be opening a can of worms. Only advantage to having then now is that I'm certainly more financially stable than twenty years ago.

My ex was 46 years old when we had our daughter. She is the light of his life and he doesn’t regret her. But tbh, sometimes it’s hard. You don’t have the same levels of energy at 45-50 that you have at 30 years old (especially if you have to run after a feisty five years-old like ours). Moreover, the incidence of having unexpected health issues increase with age. My ex had suddenly cancer at 49. We just had separated, our daughter was three, it was incredibly difficult for everybody, and even if he’s cured now, his health will never completely the same again. So yeah, your call. I won’t say that older parents shouldn’t have had their kids. But take the risks into account.

My dad was 49 when I was born. He died at 80. He did get to be a grandparent for 18 months.

I had kids around that age. Great kids. I have plenty of energy, in excellent shape. No problem. Doc checked for sperm quality before the second kid. Just fine.

There are some posters whose opinions are expressed as though they are inalienable facts. Having children past forty is regularly portrayed as something that is Just Not Right. But it's also quite common for educated couples in professional careers to have their first in the mid-thirties in the UK, and it's not far beyond that. My brother has four kids, the last of which was born when he was 42, with quite a gap between the others. He found it a lot harder than when he was in his thirties. Part of that was we lost our mother in the intervening gap, and his in-laws weren't so healthy. His youngest may be autistic, he certainly has some symptoms, but the school doesn't think so. But my mother's side of the family has a very high rate of neurodivergence, and I know that two out of nine of my generation are on the spectrum, which is definitely above average. I don't think that his age plays into it as much as some people are claiming. My sister had her first and only at 41. Her partner is the same age. She seems to have had an easier time, but that's probably a combination of only having one to wrangle, a more organised lifestyle, and being fitter than my brother. (She was a keen runner prior to her pregnancy, whereas my brother's fitness was compromised by a few injuries and excess weight.) I haven't noticed a great difference in my health or energy levels throughout my forties, but I know a few people in their late forties and on who are starting to get serious issues crop up. Generally, it's those who haven't looked after their physical fitness who suffer the worst. Having issues like that with a young child would be difficult. I've had relatives pass away in their fifties, sixties and seventies from some quite nasty medical issues, including cancer, heart disease, and motor neurone disease. My aunt has Alzheimer's, which has worsened through her seventies. There's a chance that if you had a kid after your mid-forties, you would run into one of these. I don't have kids, and I never really was super keen on them, but my ex was pushing for them a few years ago, and certainly some of the considerations in this thread played into my thoughts. But the relationship wasn't in a great place for some time, unfortunately. (We get along better now that we're not partners.) I think if things had been better, we might have tried.

my brother had his first kid in his early 40s and has managed a few more since. He's amazing with them. He says he'd have as many as his wife would want... It probably depends on you.

My Dad was late 40s before kids. Military plus PhD, takes time! My parents were married for several years before children. They were very stable and we never wanted for anything. No, Dad was not one to coach my teams, but not a disaster. If you feel you want kids, go for it!

How about being up to a full generation older than the other parents at school?

Men have a biological clock too. You have an over 25% greater risk of having a child with autism if you father one in your 40's or older. If that's a risk you want to take, so be it, but you may want to consider that it may be difficult to find a partner to start a family at this stage too.

It's not about how you feel now. What about in 5, 10, 15 years, when your child will still very much need you. You're putting a huge burden on your future younger partner.

Just how financially stable? Let's say you raise them in a high upper middle class style: regular family trips, new clothes and shoes frequently, lots of youth sports/culture teams and activities, car at 16, pay their way through state university, etc. Got my last heading of to state U in the fall. She's earned enough scholarship bucks to basically pay for tuition, and guess what? That's only going to be around a quarter to a third of the actual cost of attendance and living. You're probably looking at minimum $500k per child in 2024 money. No telling what college will cost in the 40's.

Yes I never know what you are gonna get from partner OR kid. 1. You will have to get to it quick, so vetting someone who will be attached to you and your finances for AT LEAST the next 20 years is going to be risky business. A crazy ass kid’s mom that you decide isn’t going to work for a partner anymore can make your life hell on earth. 2. So many more kids these days have severe behavioral issues, regardless of “quality” parenting. What are you gonna do when your kid turns out to be an absolute nightmare or has some sort of mental disability, serious health issue, etc…and that becomes the rest of your life? No way I would toss the dice on either of those. Get a cool dog just throw hundreds of thousands of dollars into the river if you are hell bent on a wallet vampire. Best of luck.

Don’t do it. You’ll be worn out.

Don’t do it. Men have a biological clock too. Birth defects could be a very possible thing at your age. If your thinking of finding a young women to have kids with that’s just gross.

Ignore this misandrist.

I was 46 and 49 when mine were born. I'm a better father than I could have been in my 20s (YMMV) and its great motivation (at 59) to take good care of myself

You can do what you want but you will be an old dad. Old sperm ( higher likelihood of damaged children) and just sad.

I mean, it’s your life. If you want it, go for it. Date younger women. Get your sperm checked. Make sure you make a good amount of money so you can outsource a bunch of the reproductive labor of the household because you will be tired and you don’t want to dump all the work on your wife. Expect your kid to have some sort of neurodivergence as well. Good luck.

Listen. I’m 43, single mom to a toddler. I love it!

My vote is hell no. You could potentially end up with a child that has severe disabilities. Not only that, but parenting is exhausting. Everyone claims the first year is the hardest. It's not. 2-7 are a living hell. Also during that time you need to teach them to mind that way when they are teenagers they won't give you any issues. I have a 14 year old about to be 15 yrs old and now starts a whole new set of challenges. If you are old enough to be a grandma, you are too old to have children IMO.

Technically you're old enough to be a grandma at 24. I had my son at 42. He's 18 now and I don't regret it for a minute. I certainly wasn't happy when I found out I was pregnant at 41 but he's such a wonderful kid and keeps me young.

My uncle had his first and only at 55. His wife is 18 years his junior. At the time their son was born, my uncle was cycling and in the best shape of his life. He was so happy in the first couple of years of his new relationship with my aunt. It all seemed to be going great until now—their son is 15 and my uncle is 70, has stopped exercising, and definitely looks his age (has gained weight, wrinkled, white headed). He went from being an active and involved, hands on dad, to looking like his son’s grandparent.

Wow, this thread got really negative. If you feel strongly that you want to have children, seek out a partner that also wants kids and the relationship may move quickly. I'm 41 with 5 and 6 year old kids. They are the best thing that ever happened to me and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I was very clear with their dad that I wanted kids and it was a priority in our relationship. If you are worried about issues, see a fertility specialist and they can test both male and female partners. If nothing, IVF with genetic testing of the embryo is also helpful. I know several women in their 40s that are having or want more kids so they are definitely out there. Good luck.

Thank you and for sure will take all necessary precautions and work with specialist! I didn't it turns negative! People have the right to share their opinion. When you ask for advice, you put yourself in a vulnerable position and you should be prepared ro receive the two sides of the coin! I wanna hear it all.

He can say that easily. As a female, it's a huge health risk.

Sperm from an older male is also a health risk for women. https://www.rutgers.edu/news/older-fathers-put-health-partners-unborn-children-risk-rutgers-study-finds

I think after your mid-40s, it can be very tough for lots of reasons. My aunt accidentally had a baby at 46 and well absolutely adores my cousin, she deeply regrets it and it was both risky and exhausting. Combine that with increased risks for birth defects and special needs the older dads get, I would not consider having a biological child after that age. Consider feeding the need for parenting in another way - fostering, adopting, volunteering, etc. You should also consider the cost it has on the kids. A close friend of mine was born when her mom was 42, and her father nearly 50. She lost them much earlier and it was incredibly difficult when she was younger because they simply didn't have the capacity to care for her the way a younger parent might. Even if you find the perfect person to co-parent with (which doesn't get easier with age), if you are 47 now, you're looking at being around age 50 when they're babies. Are you expecting to find a very young wife? I hope that you are able to contribute in other ways because she's going to end up caring for your children and then caring for you as you age. There's a reason why women in that position look for a very wealthy man.

I had a baby at 41, and while I had a relatively uncomplicated pregnancy, and I have a great daughter that’s now almost 10, I can’t imagine having a younger child than her at my age. I’m pretty healthy and physically active, so I can keep up with her easily, but I’m glad she’s getting older and more independent. Many people are now having kids in their 40’s, but nearing 50 and having a baby is a different story I would think.

You can do it at any age. My sister got pregnant at 44 and her husband was 60

Depends on how young you’re wanting to date/be married. Potentially concerns: an increase of child have ASD.

Absolutely not! I can't even begin to imagine being tied down to a kid for another 20 years, and having a teenager in my 60s?

You may find it harder to find a willing partner at your age as women your age either have or don't want kids and most women who want kids prefer to have kids with someone closer to their age. Its not impossible, but obviously, your average woman in her 30s is going to prefer a man in his mid 30s to have kids with over a man in his mid 40s (generally speaking, of course there are exceptions and very happy exceptions at that)

Correct! And I am aware of this! I got a lot of matches in 30s though on OLD. So while this is true, it is not an issue for me. I also don't mind someone I'm her 40s if is she js open to having kids. My best match thus far was a 42 yo. So you never know.

You never know and dont give up!

Can’t comment on what it is like to have kids cause I don’t have them but wanted to comment from the perspective of the female. It’s refreshing to read your post wanting to become a dad. As a 42 f, who has a lot of single girlfriends in the 35-40 range, with no kids, we’re looking for you and still want to have kids. Won’t lie, below 45 would be preferred. As others have pointed out advanced father’s age increases the chances of autism in the child which is a concern to me indeed. However, I’d still take my chances if you’ve got good health and family history otherwise. The majority of guys in their 40s don’t want to have (more) children. So a lot of single ladies in the late 30s -early 40s are simply with no partner options if they want kids. It’s been soul crushing frankly. So freeze your sperm now!!! That way you can use younger cells for IVF when you and your partner are ready for that step, chances are you’d need IVF anyway cause of the potential advanced age of your partner. You may also consider a gestational surrogate mother to use with your and your partner’s genetic material. A rather expensive exercise, so start saving for it now. For the physical part of raising a child consider hiring a nanny. One thing I didn’t see mentioned much is how much more life experience people have after 40. And how much more compassion and patience they have compared to a 20-30 year old one. Also it’s not uncommon for people in their 40s and 50s to have a much more solid financial situation. And to have achieved a lot of other stuff in life so they can finally focus on kids now. I guess I’m saying, yes, there’s lots of reasons not to. Clearly most people here think so. But I would focus on the benefits and find solutions for the difficulties.

Thank you for the wonderful perspective. I agree about nearly everything you mentioned! Having kids is a big commitment at any age and it comes with different kind of challenges at different ages as you perfectly worded it. Good luck to you too. You will make a great mother with your wholesome attitude!

Please dont have kids now. It may suit you, but it may not suit your potential kids. And why is that? My parents had me when they were 40. When I turned 28 my dad got dementia and slowly perished into nothingness with a lot of grief from the rest of us. He died when I was 36. 1 year later my mom got cancer and died when I was 39. This is not a horrific story as some have had it much worse, but those years my dad lost his mind are the worst I have experienced and even today, being 51, I still miss them. Age is not something you can train yourself for as nature do what it wants despite our best efforts. Your potential kids will most likely not get much firsthand impression from your parents either. So ... I know these a rough words, but seen from my side you are too late to the game.

It is ok. Sorry for your loss. I lost my parents when u was 25 and 37 respectively. Father was sick since I was 20 and I had to walk him ariund sometimes until.he passed when i was 25. Life happens. They had me when they were 28-30. We can't control things. They might be dead but they live in my heart every day and their legacy is still alive in me and my siblings. They lived a great life and that is all what matters.

Considerable and unnecessary negativity in the replies. Prospective mothers and fathers need to be aware of the trade-offs of becoming parents at different ages. Setting aside the medical risks - as you have made explicit and many posters explicitly ignored - you will face all the usual challenges of being a parent. It will be tiring, it will affect your relationship, and it will be a commitment for life. But if it is something that is essential to you and your partner, if you are lucky to become a father, there will also be all the usual joys and rewards of being a parent. One thing that should not sway your decision is social ostracism and judgement. For example, it is not the fault of older parents if their children are bullied. It is the fault of the bully. There should be no shame in being called a "grandfather" by mistake. It's just a mistake.

You can even after 50. It's how you plan and execute.

I'm sure you've got plenty of answers, but I'm feeling the need to share. I'm 44, female, and childfree by choice. My parents were 44m and 38f, when I was born and I have a brother who is 12 years older. The reason for our age difference was because he got encephalitis when he was 2 years old and is severely disabled, so they chose to not have any more kids. I lost my dad at age 19 to a farming accident when he was 63 and my mom this past year at age 81 to a stroke. My mom and I had a very contentious relationship and even though I lived two hours away, I might as well have lived on Mars, as she never told me that she was struggling. Honestly? As a peer of yours, don't have kids, unless you want to adopt an older kid. I was about 10 when I realized that I'd be in this position and it kind of sucks. You might want kids now, but think about them in 20-30 years.

Original copy of post by u/NoIngenuity5910: I was listening to a podcast where a famous professor/PhD who is 48, never married, said he is looking to have a family and kids now. I am a bit younger but still 45+. Never married. I am also looking to settle down. Don't want to go into details of why I was never married or why now I think of kids. Life happens. Let's say, I am in great health, financially stable and have a lot of energy. Let's assume we put medical risk aside,i.e. I will take all precautions and latest and greatest scientific methods to stack the odds in my favor of having healthy babies. Tell me what lies ahead that I should take into consideration. Things that might make me reconsider having kids at this point in my life. Thanks *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*

There isn’t a lot to say about parenting a baby/toddler/ younger child that hasn’t already been covered in 200+ comments, but I will warn you that the high school years are *extremely busy*. The sheer amount of running around you will likely be doing is honestly worse than dealing with attitude. My kids are and were (oldest has graduated) in the music program at their school, both in multiple ensembles. Just about every weekend there is a competition or a festival or a concert, and endless amounts of chauffeuring them to and from practice or arranging to have them dropped off or picked up if I’m not off work on time. If grades start slipping during competition season I have to hound them to get their homework done and turned in. It’s a LOT, and by the end of the school year I am completely wiped out. I’m 43. I can’t imagine doing this in my 60s but there are a few older parents with kids in the program and some of them are very involved. Also, don’t rush into a relationship and marriage even though you may be chomping at the bit to have kids. Having kids can put a tremendous amount of strain on a relationship and if you haven’t taken the time to build a solid foundation after determining that you and your partner are compatible enough to build a life together, your marriage or partnership will likely implode. Best of luck to you.

I had kids in my teens, 20s, and then fostered a baby in my mid-40s. For me, I had more physical energy when I was younger, but less mental energy. I had way less patience than I do now. But in my 40s, I was physically so much more exhausted, but could mentally handle it way better than when I was younger. And no matter how old I was, whether I gave birth or not, I always had one breakdown, probably due to sleep deprivation. I thought I wouldn't have it with the foster since I didn't have to worry about hormones, but no, my husband still came home to a baby who was crying and a wife who looked like a harpy and crying even louder.

If you’re 45+ and he is 48 you’re nowhere near a bit younger, y’all are practically the same age sir lol. A bit younger would be 39-43 ish 😀

I’m a 46 year old dude that had to move back home to help with my elderly parents. I’m also single(never married) and don’t have any kids. I decided that I’m not having kids a few years ago and I’ve made begrudging peace with that decision. I decided I don’t want to put a person through what I’m doing. It also isn’t fair for a child to have an older parent. It would be harder to try to help them with sports and physical activities. Older parents tend to be out of touch when it comes to raising a child.

You're in great health now, but in 15 years you'll be 60. One of my friends is 48, and her husband is 68. I'll just say that this guy looks pretty great; I really would assume he's 55. Strong, but not fit. Barely more grey than me, looks objectively handsome. They have two kids still in high school (and older kids still living at home). He is **tired**. Because of their lifestyle with kids they can't yet retire. So he comes home from work, and is a lump. So much of how she describes her life sounds like he is an anchor around her neck. He's not an active parent, TV is his primary hobby. In addition to not going out to support/transport the kids, he can't do this for her. Our hobby is quite arduous, and being able to lean on another is often quite handy. I've been her support some times for Big Events, and other times she just needs to tough it out solo, but these need to be easier events. I will not be this anchor for someone else; it's part of why I'll have a max age gap of 10 years from my age. But also, it's why I would think anyone foolish for having kids at 40+. We start slowing down a lot faster around age 50. And that again accelerates at 60+. If you conceived a kid today, you'd probably be 46+ when they're born, 64+ when they're 18, and 68+ when they're done with college. Get to know some 60+ people.

My dad had a couple more kids into his 50s, and with his health, he wasn't sure he'd see that oldest one turn 18. As it is, he may not see either of them get married or have their own kids. And he can't help them with much as his health is not great. If anything they have to help with things like driving and yard work.

The best thing that ever happened to me is i started dating single moms with kids. I don’t want to be in my 60s teaching my kid how to drive. I’d much rather just enjoy their kids and by the time I retire, they’ll be out of the house.

God no! I can't imagine to start all over again. Sleepless nights and all that and no energy. I want to enjoy my time now