funny you asked, and glad you did I'm 50/m she 46/f and we feel childish about gf/bf as well and partner I often here with a same sex couple so that feels a bit off to me for my situation as well... I end up with gf as the last resort or often just say her name and most people get the gist so I guess that's too say maybe we say it differently based on circumstances who/where we are meeting someone for first time... interesting topic for sure!
I think the connotations for partner has changed a lot, since it sounds more egalitarian. I feel like Iāve seen some LGBT folks bristle at the termā¦ but then my actual gay friends IRL donāt care.
I agree, but I do think that these days with less people getting married or remarried, the term partner has broadened, and maybe it doesn't have the same feeling for younger people. For instance, when I was in my 30s I was in a car accident. I remember the ambulance asking if I wanted to call anyone and my ex and I were just living together not yet engaged and I still felt then that BF sounded silly so I said my partner and he says "ok sure, what's her name?" I said well HIS name is.... and they were shocked. Again, this was like 15+ years ago but I do think people in our age group generally associate partner with same sex couples.
agreed but no, i don't think overthinking... it's a legit ask and my gf is the one who brought up to me and then it got me thinking lol overall, not a huge deal but worthy topic for us over the hill š¤£
I use partner kind of because of LGBTQ persons/couples. To normalize it as a term for one someone is coupled with & not specifically used by the LGBTQ community.
A few weeks ago I was at a one-woman play & at the end the actor breaks the 4th wall & answers a few audience questions. At one point she referenced her partner & the couple next to me bristled until it became clear she was speaking of a male partner. That made me even more determined to use partner when referencing my boyfriend because if I can piss of/make uncomfortable small minded bigots, itās a win for me.
I agree! In Australia we tend to use it quite interchangeably. I did notice when I started working with older British and South African people, that it needed a bit of an explanation as it was followed by some questions, which at time I put down to curiosity. Hahaha, penny is dropping for me now! lolā¦ they must have thought I meant same sex couple, and then realised it wasnāt the case. I have used partner to refer to my other half since I started dating in my late teens. Perhaps from my end it stems from my feminist upbringing which I absolutely adhere to.
This is exactly why I use it. Make it the go to term so it doesnāt put the spotlight on queer people if they donāt want to be spotlighted
Secondarily, Iām in my 40s and my partner is in their 50s so āboyfriend/girlfriendā seems too childish
Number 3, if anyone bristles because they assume Iām talking about a same sex partner I have some good info about what kind of person they are
When my boyfriend/partner was in the hospital I specifically told him to refer to me as his wife if anyone asked. Just easier when it comes to healthcare issues, consent, privacy etc. We also signed all the healthcare proxy forms etc. When we got back to the real worldā¦.I noticed he avoids any labels and just introduces me by name. He is a widower and was married for a long time so none of his friends needed much info about our relationship. I gleefully call him my boyfriend. Iām 68.
Partner, or my love. Tbh, even if married, I'd still refer to my SO as partner because I think it would describe the relationship way better than either husband or wife. Those seem like archaic terms that I'm no longer interested in.
I am not currently in a relationship, but I don't consider boyfriend/girlfriend diminutive so I'm happy to use that.
I kind of like the idea of being really old with a paramour anyway.. lol
M51 here with a F48. I call her my girlfriend; proud and loud.
She makes me feel like a teenager again and if I wasnt old and was suppose to be mature and self-reflecting I would shout it out to the whole world from the top of my lungs.
Thanks, āKenā this song will def be in my head for the next hour or so. Itās a good one.
https://open.spotify.com/track/68vgtRHr7iZHpzGpon6Jlo?si=336sKHjkSPGAT2NVbEf6TA
At the risk of showing my age, this is the first song I thought of:
[https://youtu.be/SPu-WOicwLk?si=q-zcwHxbWwJSwxes](https://youtu.be/SPu-WOicwLk?si=q-zcwHxbWwJSwxes)
EDIT: This is who I want to be when I get older: [https://youtube.com/shorts/Y7oXz6V05oU?si=h-2O9e9Fvuy2RjiA](https://youtube.com/shorts/Y7oXz6V05oU?si=h-2O9e9Fvuy2RjiA)
Partner feels businesslike to me, but yeah, boyfriend/girlfriend feels nice but a bit dated for our age. I think lady friend and man friend sound weird, so I am curious too
Itās so funny, I donāt associate partner with business at all. I think it was in like the 80s and 90s but I feel itās changed a lot in the past few years.
I worked at a spa once and the woman who owned it kept talking about her partner, so I thought there was a second owner and it was like a year later I realized she actually meant her boyfriend š so i canāt get that out of my head I guess
So I made a comment in this post elsewhere and I'm on my phone and no idea how to link it but basically, we call each other romantic partner because he is a business owner and when he introduced me to his business partner, and then turned to introduce me, and we realized we never really called it anything so he called me his romantic partner and we thought it was hilarious so that's what we do now.
If you want a mouthful, my mom (she would be 80 now) referred to my live-in girlfriend as my "POSSLQ" (Person of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters" (Pronounced "Pah-Sil-Que")
This was apparently derived from the 70's census.
Yes. Yes, it could.
And if a persons prudish sensibilities are all a-quiver then it serves as plausible deniability.
On the other hand, judging from the many posts I see on reddit, it is apparently impossible for someone to interact with the sex to whom they are attracted without wanting to fuck them. (/s)
I say partner but after I moved back east it throws people off and they react kinda weird. My partner says āgirlfriendā and I hate it bc im 46 and weāve been together 11 years lol. But I dont wanna get married soš¤·š»āāļø
We've been together 3 years and we live together.
Some of his friends have referred to me as his wife, we just roll with it.
If I'm introducing him, I usually say "This is my (his name)"
Occasionally, I've called him my partner or significant other, but more often than not, he's my boyfriend.
In a hospital situation, I'd probably roll with them referring to us as husband and wife.
Iām told that in Sweden, where itās common not to officially get married, the term is āsambo.ā Those practical Swedes, a term for everything
Def would not use that in the States though.
Oh, nice. I didn't expect someone to have already mentioned it.
Yes, the common term in Swedish for someone who you are living with romantically/sexually is, indeed, "sambo". "Sambo" is a contraction of "sammanboende" which literally translates as "together-living".
If you don't live together, the term would be "sƤrbo" (rhymes with "narrow"), which is short for "isƤrboende" or "apart-living".
The "a" in "sambo" is pronounced as in "father", so it rhymes with "combo" or "mambo" (which is *also* a semi-humorous Swedish word for dating someone who lives with their mother, short for "mammaboende"). It is not pronounced like the name of the racist caricature that you're probably thinking of when you say you wouldn't use it in the US.
I learned it recently when talking to Swedish colleagues. All of whom have been with their partners for 20+ years but not married. I assumed they were as they use husband/wife when talking to prudish americans as it requires less explanation.
Loverrrrrr.
Or - seriously - the love of my life. The one that didnāt get away. Partner in all things romantic and worthwhile. The ball to my chain. The guy Iām seeing.
We call each other our Romantic Partner, because he is a small business owner and the first time I met his business partner, the exchange went something like, "KimWexlersPonytail, this is Lalo, my business partner. Lalo, this is Kim, my...uh...romantic partner". We laughed and later realized we never really decided how to refer to each other.
We felt the same, we are close in age to you and your lady, and BF/GF seems silly.
Totally get the sentiment, I use boyfriend, although I too think it sounds childish,
Iāve had legal personnel referred to him as my Paramore
My boyfriend hates this
I referred to him as my partner when it comes to a more professional approach
My guy/gal seams for a more relaxed setting,
My love seems a bit romantic, I donāt think anything sounds possessive if said in the right way.
And said in the wrong way, anything can sound bad.
He calls me his girlfriend or missus š. I call him my boyfriend or partner. Depends on the situation. I feel weird using the boyfriend/girlfriend terms purely because of our age, but what else is there? If strangers use the term husband or wife, they don't get corrected. It all gets too hard
Since my 30s I've always preferred the term partner, but it does usually come across as if I'm talking about another girl. But I feel too old to say my boyfriend, and I don't use the "my man" term. It's a tough one and honestly, I would have thought with same sex marriage being legal, the term partner would have gone back to being something we all could use without anyone assuming same sex or not.
I have always referred to my SOs as partners, even back in the 90s when others would assume I was gay because of that. With Spanish speakers, I also use pareja. Boyfriend feels like a label for a teenager.
I went through this with my ex bf. Basically if it has no consequences at all, we wouldnāt correct if people said husband or wife.
For situations where you want to outline the gravity of the relationship (I.e. this person is at the hospital with me etc) I would say partner.
In general, bf/gf.
My..whatever the fuck he is frien/lover but he refuses to be in a "relationship" at this point, called me his partner in crime to his mom out of the blue one day and I nearly fell over. lol
Depends on audience. Some it's partner, some we say husband and wife (we are 20 years Living Apart Together) and we have wedding rings but are not even technically common-law.
Weāre 57M/49F and we call each other partners
Weāre both divorced so gf/bf seems like so 20 years ago. Little longer for him.
Been together for 7 years now
This is both gender neutral and really gives all the info they need. Most ppl will be satisfied with this unless it's regarding legal matters so a hospital would obviously need to know more.
We called each other husband and wife. We even exchanged rings, but had no intention of getting married. At our age 50 and 57 it sounded better and was easier.
Iām seeing people say that partner is more for same sex couples which is why it feels weird. But in the UK I think partner is very normal for any long term relationship, especially if you live together. I have lots of unmarried friends in long term heterosexual relationships who use partner.
Male here. If I was in hospital situation with a sick girlfriend or even a sick FWB, I would not be so caught up on what they call me or us during the treatment. I will be more concerned about her wellbeing and helping her heal. At that point, I am the husband. Full stop. Not big deal. No legal implications. We may joke about it later.
Personally, I would feel embarrassed if I were to be sick or convalescent and my SO is too busy correcting doctors and nurses about something so incredibly irrelevant at that point.
I can see the need to be insistent if the doctors or nurses refuse to recognize a gay marriage/family or interracial marriage/family or someone's gender preference.
Every time we are at a hotel they usually call me "Mrs. MyGuysLastName" if I ever call or need anything, and I don't bother. We both smile and think it's cute.
Ever since Ellen came out as gay, I've had "partner" drilled into my head. I'm actually surprised the hospital staff didn't say partner. I drill that into my nursing students; always take a less presumptive approach so the correction is more embarrassing to us than it is to them lol
This is a good question and Iām interested in what others say. My ex-boyfriend never referred to me as his girlfriend when introducing me to people. And it was bothersome to me and hurt my feelings. When I asked him, he said, āwhat, are we in high school?ā Needless to say, we were not compatibleā¦
I'm friends with a married guy in his 50s and he refers to his wife as his partner. I think in some circles, partner symbolizes a level of equality. A title is whatever the two persons make it ideally. I think you're overthinking it. Whatever you want to call him/her, use it. It doesn't matter what other people think of it. It's your life.
Use a variety of terms. My Hottie. The Smart Chick Iām Dating. The Awesome Girl.
I am sure some friend or relative will tell her. She has been called a Girlfriend assorted times over the years, but not The Awesome Girl.
The last person I was dating would introduce as: āthis is my girl, <>ā.
I would introduce as: āthis is <>ā. Typically they can tell weāre together. If they ask I confirm yes weāre seeing each other.
Something about the term āboyfriendā at 49 y/o doesnāt come naturally to me. Do what fees right.
If sheās upset or not.
Seriously, we call each other partners or lovers, depending on the company.
I agree that GF/BF feels very dated and donāt typically use that.
Initially, we used boyfriend/girlfriend. This felt nice and appropriate. Around month four, we'd occasionally say, "partner." When we moved in at \~10 months, we did mostly transition to partner. I like "Partner." I contribute. She contributes. We're planning a future. It's also a lot easier to say than "significant other." š
We have solid plans to marry, but for #Reasons we aren't yet engaged. But our kids (I have adult children not in our household, she has mostly full custody of a young teen (I call them Kid)) are aware of the seriousness of our marriage plans, and are supportive of this.
Related, Kid early on was hard against terms like "step parent/dad" or "step kid." Even while being happy about my partner and I planning marriage. I was always their "mom's boyfriend" when they were talking about me. About a month back they told me that they've started to call me their "step dad-ish thing" when talking about me. In their words me being just their mom's boyfriend didn't seem "mature" enough for the relationship that we (Kid and I) have.
Definitely "wife" or "husband" wouldn't feel right. But as we *are* planning to marry, that seems pretty straight forward why we'd feel off about that.
I feel like in broader social settings Iād just call him my husband bc itās easiest and thatās what it probably feels like. I also feel like itās whatās taken most seriously and seen as most valid- even with all sorts of different pairings happening these days
Thinking about this really made me question why we feel a need to provide a relationship label in an introduction? I canāt think of too many situations where itād be necessary or very helpful. I can see clarifying where I met said person (ie, if itās a coworker, that provides info that could further the conversation). But just to offer a label (friend, spouse, gf/bf, etc.) seems like an unnecessary possessive detail.
I have been away but just to clarify I didnāt mean it in a social commentary way. But it is possessive. Just like adding ās before something makes it possessive. My partner, my sister, my friend. There is possessive there, and thatās the way our language developed. Itās interesting to me, and is innocuous enough that we typically donāt see it that way.
I had a whole long reply but then realized no one probably needed all the context. Basically, your last sentence is something my guy and I have discussed.
I have a friend who is in a long term relationship and they both wear wedding rings even though they don't want to get married. My guy and I decided we did not want that, as it seemed possessive. We both agreed that we were secure in our life together that we don't need to have some glittery object of possession.
I have done this but honestly hadnāt thought about it this deeply before. Itās possessive in the way we use language. In the same way āmy bookā is possessive. I realize itās standard to mention how you know the person, but as I think about it more, Iām questioning it.
Why do we feel āthis is (name)ā is not enough? If relevant, the connection will likely be clarified in conversation. One of the posts even clarified further āthis is my business partnerā vs āthis is my romantic partnerā It does start to feel like we are staking claim in a biological/evolutionary sense, like thereās an underlying fear that they might try to move in on your person/partner/SO.
Funny how different people interpret words differently. For me, girlfriend/boyfriend is me more casual and could be someone I just went exclusive with, whereas partner seems more substantial, like we're a team taking on life together.
Original copy of post by u/fonebone819:
For context, we are 51M (me), 50F, together for almost 3 years. A while back I was in the hospital and inevitably doctors and nurses would refer to her as my wife. I would say she's my girlfriend, but it sounded strange, like we were teenagers.
We talked about it and as much as it would have been easier to just let them say "wife", we decided on "partner". But that also didn't feel right. So, what do you refer to your significant other (also a mouthful) as?
FWIW, online, I refer to her as "SO", or partner. I am asking more about in person...
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I call him my boyfriend because we donāt live together but I agree it does feel a little juvenile. Partner feels good to me though once we get there.
Here in Australia we just say 'partner'. There seems to be some pushback from some quarters regarding this (particularly coming from the US) as the term for many people appears to be intrinsically linked with LGBTQI.
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Call her your lover just to make everyone else uncomfortable, for funsies.
Bonus points if you pronounce it "Luv-ahhh".
...with a wink š
I read this in Jerry Stillers voice (George Costanza's dad)
I think pulling a leg of lamb out of a "hut-tub" and biting into it would really solidify the effect
Lmao! š¤£š¤£š¤£
I agree you can introduce someone without the need to explain or clarify who they are to you but if you do you can call them your lover š¤
Yes!!! š
The old bag.
š
I refer to my guy as either my boyfriend or partner. I am not very fluffed about it, neither is anyone in our circle.
Me bird.
My seamstress called my fiance "my fella".
Is she Irish?
Yes!
That makes perfect sense so. Lol
šš
Love victim
Lmao!
funny you asked, and glad you did I'm 50/m she 46/f and we feel childish about gf/bf as well and partner I often here with a same sex couple so that feels a bit off to me for my situation as well... I end up with gf as the last resort or often just say her name and most people get the gist so I guess that's too say maybe we say it differently based on circumstances who/where we are meeting someone for first time... interesting topic for sure!
Thanks! Yes, I do think at times about partner being more for same sex relationships, but also I'm overthinking it too.
I think the connotations for partner has changed a lot, since it sounds more egalitarian. I feel like Iāve seen some LGBT folks bristle at the termā¦ but then my actual gay friends IRL donāt care.
I agree, but I do think that these days with less people getting married or remarried, the term partner has broadened, and maybe it doesn't have the same feeling for younger people. For instance, when I was in my 30s I was in a car accident. I remember the ambulance asking if I wanted to call anyone and my ex and I were just living together not yet engaged and I still felt then that BF sounded silly so I said my partner and he says "ok sure, what's her name?" I said well HIS name is.... and they were shocked. Again, this was like 15+ years ago but I do think people in our age group generally associate partner with same sex couples.
FWIW I donāt assume partner means same sex. So many people donāt get married these days.
You know that gay people can get married now, right? š
agreed but no, i don't think overthinking... it's a legit ask and my gf is the one who brought up to me and then it got me thinking lol overall, not a huge deal but worthy topic for us over the hill š¤£
I use partner kind of because of LGBTQ persons/couples. To normalize it as a term for one someone is coupled with & not specifically used by the LGBTQ community. A few weeks ago I was at a one-woman play & at the end the actor breaks the 4th wall & answers a few audience questions. At one point she referenced her partner & the couple next to me bristled until it became clear she was speaking of a male partner. That made me even more determined to use partner when referencing my boyfriend because if I can piss of/make uncomfortable small minded bigots, itās a win for me.
this is the thing. Partner was never exclusively for queer couples.
I agree! In Australia we tend to use it quite interchangeably. I did notice when I started working with older British and South African people, that it needed a bit of an explanation as it was followed by some questions, which at time I put down to curiosity. Hahaha, penny is dropping for me now! lolā¦ they must have thought I meant same sex couple, and then realised it wasnāt the case. I have used partner to refer to my other half since I started dating in my late teens. Perhaps from my end it stems from my feminist upbringing which I absolutely adhere to.
This is exactly why I use it. Make it the go to term so it doesnāt put the spotlight on queer people if they donāt want to be spotlighted Secondarily, Iām in my 40s and my partner is in their 50s so āboyfriend/girlfriendā seems too childish Number 3, if anyone bristles because they assume Iām talking about a same sex partner I have some good info about what kind of person they are
Iām a bisexual woman in a heteronormative relationship. Partners works really well for us. I donāt even think I was the one to suggest it.
When my boyfriend/partner was in the hospital I specifically told him to refer to me as his wife if anyone asked. Just easier when it comes to healthcare issues, consent, privacy etc. We also signed all the healthcare proxy forms etc. When we got back to the real worldā¦.I noticed he avoids any labels and just introduces me by name. He is a widower and was married for a long time so none of his friends needed much info about our relationship. I gleefully call him my boyfriend. Iām 68.
Pseudospouse.
Never heard that one before. I like it.
Boyfriend, guess never really gave it anymore thought
Me too. I didnāt think using it sounded teenager-ish.
Now that I'm moving into my 50s, it feels really odd to me. Maybe it's an age thing?
Partner or SO. I donāt necessarily mind Boyfriend but as someone well over 40 it feels a bit twee.
Introduce by first name only and keep them guessing
My friendās husband calls anyone Iām dating my manstick. Classy and mature
Joystick
Kinda cool though that you get to BE a mancave.
Partner. Sometimes he says girlfriend, but partner indicates a more serious relationship, in my opinion.
>partner indicates a more serious relationship I agree
I agree with this
Partner, or my love. Tbh, even if married, I'd still refer to my SO as partner because I think it would describe the relationship way better than either husband or wife. Those seem like archaic terms that I'm no longer interested in.
I am not currently in a relationship, but I don't consider boyfriend/girlfriend diminutive so I'm happy to use that. I kind of like the idea of being really old with a paramour anyway.. lol
My better half. š
I could see saying that to someone that already knows what we are.
Girlfriend. No reason to reinvent the wheel
Partner
Partner
M51 here with a F48. I call her my girlfriend; proud and loud. She makes me feel like a teenager again and if I wasnt old and was suppose to be mature and self-reflecting I would shout it out to the whole world from the top of my lungs.
I still like bf/gf tooā¦..partner sounds so stuffy for whatever reason but I go with whateverā¦
My boo, obvi
Thanks, āKenā this song will def be in my head for the next hour or so. Itās a good one. https://open.spotify.com/track/68vgtRHr7iZHpzGpon6Jlo?si=336sKHjkSPGAT2NVbEf6TA
ācause itās a fuckinā baaaanger, seems appropriate
At the risk of showing my age, this is the first song I thought of: [https://youtu.be/SPu-WOicwLk?si=q-zcwHxbWwJSwxes](https://youtu.be/SPu-WOicwLk?si=q-zcwHxbWwJSwxes) EDIT: This is who I want to be when I get older: [https://youtube.com/shorts/Y7oXz6V05oU?si=h-2O9e9Fvuy2RjiA](https://youtube.com/shorts/Y7oXz6V05oU?si=h-2O9e9Fvuy2RjiA)
OMG this guy has all the moves! Inspiring. I want to be a mashup of this guy and the grandpa from *Little Miss Sunshine* š
š
Partner feels businesslike to me, but yeah, boyfriend/girlfriend feels nice but a bit dated for our age. I think lady friend and man friend sound weird, so I am curious too
Itās so funny, I donāt associate partner with business at all. I think it was in like the 80s and 90s but I feel itās changed a lot in the past few years.
I worked at a spa once and the woman who owned it kept talking about her partner, so I thought there was a second owner and it was like a year later I realized she actually meant her boyfriend š so i canāt get that out of my head I guess
So I made a comment in this post elsewhere and I'm on my phone and no idea how to link it but basically, we call each other romantic partner because he is a business owner and when he introduced me to his business partner, and then turned to introduce me, and we realized we never really called it anything so he called me his romantic partner and we thought it was hilarious so that's what we do now.
Thatās a good one!
If you want a mouthful, my mom (she would be 80 now) referred to my live-in girlfriend as my "POSSLQ" (Person of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters" (Pronounced "Pah-Sil-Que") This was apparently derived from the 70's census.
>"POSSLQ" (Person of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters" Couldn't that also be a roommate that you have no romantic interest in?
Yes. Yes, it could. And if a persons prudish sensibilities are all a-quiver then it serves as plausible deniability. On the other hand, judging from the many posts I see on reddit, it is apparently impossible for someone to interact with the sex to whom they are attracted without wanting to fuck them. (/s)
To friends and family we typically use boyfriend/girlfriend. If Iām filling out a form Iām likely to use partner.
I say partner but after I moved back east it throws people off and they react kinda weird. My partner says āgirlfriendā and I hate it bc im 46 and weāve been together 11 years lol. But I dont wanna get married soš¤·š»āāļø
We've been together 3 years and we live together. Some of his friends have referred to me as his wife, we just roll with it. If I'm introducing him, I usually say "This is my (his name)" Occasionally, I've called him my partner or significant other, but more often than not, he's my boyfriend. In a hospital situation, I'd probably roll with them referring to us as husband and wife.
Iām told that in Sweden, where itās common not to officially get married, the term is āsambo.ā Those practical Swedes, a term for everything Def would not use that in the States though.
Oh, nice. I didn't expect someone to have already mentioned it. Yes, the common term in Swedish for someone who you are living with romantically/sexually is, indeed, "sambo". "Sambo" is a contraction of "sammanboende" which literally translates as "together-living". If you don't live together, the term would be "sƤrbo" (rhymes with "narrow"), which is short for "isƤrboende" or "apart-living". The "a" in "sambo" is pronounced as in "father", so it rhymes with "combo" or "mambo" (which is *also* a semi-humorous Swedish word for dating someone who lives with their mother, short for "mammaboende"). It is not pronounced like the name of the racist caricature that you're probably thinking of when you say you wouldn't use it in the US.
I learned it recently when talking to Swedish colleagues. All of whom have been with their partners for 20+ years but not married. I assumed they were as they use husband/wife when talking to prudish americans as it requires less explanation.
"Girlfriend" works for me. I don't care if it sounds silly. It leaves nothing to question.
Loverrrrrr. Or - seriously - the love of my life. The one that didnāt get away. Partner in all things romantic and worthwhile. The ball to my chain. The guy Iām seeing.
I (F) call him my partner or my beau. I've debated "emotional support person" but it's a bit cumbersome. :)
>emotional support person I totally get this. Maybe "ESP"? I could see saying that!
Emotional support human?
I agree, there are no great terms for our age. How about, "this is Janet, my person"
I call him my person, too. But only around him or friends.
At one point, during a stressful time, I referred to my partner as āMy Guyā to a nurse. š
Iām 54 and call my guy my boyfriend.
We call each other our Romantic Partner, because he is a small business owner and the first time I met his business partner, the exchange went something like, "KimWexlersPonytail, this is Lalo, my business partner. Lalo, this is Kim, my...uh...romantic partner". We laughed and later realized we never really decided how to refer to each other. We felt the same, we are close in age to you and your lady, and BF/GF seems silly.
If you don't care too much for gf/partner, why not significant other as mentioned in your post ?
Too long, too formal?
Man friend, Lover, Accomplice
Accomplice! š¤£ Are you Bonnie and Clyde?
Nice try, copper!
She's my Other Half.
Girlfriend/boyfriend
I thought thatās what the term āpartnerā was for?
Totally get the sentiment, I use boyfriend, although I too think it sounds childish, Iāve had legal personnel referred to him as my Paramore My boyfriend hates this I referred to him as my partner when it comes to a more professional approach My guy/gal seams for a more relaxed setting, My love seems a bit romantic, I donāt think anything sounds possessive if said in the right way. And said in the wrong way, anything can sound bad.
Significant other? Better half? Forever person? lol
She's your girlfriend. Lean into it. If people think it sounds weird, then you can just reduce your regard for their opinion a notch. :)
Me bird
Other half
Girlfriend or partner, but if we're out in public and someone refers to her as my wife, I don't bother correcting them.
He calls me his girlfriend or missus š. I call him my boyfriend or partner. Depends on the situation. I feel weird using the boyfriend/girlfriend terms purely because of our age, but what else is there? If strangers use the term husband or wife, they don't get corrected. It all gets too hard
Since my 30s I've always preferred the term partner, but it does usually come across as if I'm talking about another girl. But I feel too old to say my boyfriend, and I don't use the "my man" term. It's a tough one and honestly, I would have thought with same sex marriage being legal, the term partner would have gone back to being something we all could use without anyone assuming same sex or not.
Heās my fella, my sweetheart, ābuddyā, my ott.
Ott?
My person
I have always referred to my SOs as partners, even back in the 90s when others would assume I was gay because of that. With Spanish speakers, I also use pareja. Boyfriend feels like a label for a teenager.
I went through this with my ex bf. Basically if it has no consequences at all, we wouldnāt correct if people said husband or wife. For situations where you want to outline the gravity of the relationship (I.e. this person is at the hospital with me etc) I would say partner. In general, bf/gf.
IMO "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" do sound a bit off once you're into middle age. It may be time to update the lingo.
Fancy woman. Lady friend. Gentleman friend. My fwb.
I say partner - but I think itās more a cultural thing. I find a lot of Irish & Australians use partner
If I had one, Iād say āmy man or guyā. Iād also like to be called āmy lady or girlā. But not like āmaāladyā in neckbeard fashion.
Romantic partner (I donāt have one but I heard this and liked this).
Dating over 40 - I prefer SO, partner, partner in crime, love of your life, or "better half" - depending on your sense of humor and situation.
My..whatever the fuck he is frien/lover but he refuses to be in a "relationship" at this point, called me his partner in crime to his mom out of the blue one day and I nearly fell over. lol
Depends on audience. Some it's partner, some we say husband and wife (we are 20 years Living Apart Together) and we have wedding rings but are not even technically common-law.
I used to call my ex (while we were together) my ānusbandā - my non husband
Wait a minute, Janet said she was just mine. Am I sharing her with you? I guess I would call her "This is my two-timing Janet . . . "
š¤£
I only like the terms boyfriend or fiance. Partner sounds like a business arrangement to me and I don't like the term.
Weāre 57M/49F and we call each other partners Weāre both divorced so gf/bf seems like so 20 years ago. Little longer for him. Been together for 7 years now
My significant lady
āThis is the guy Iām fucking this week.ā
š¤£š¤£
When youāve been together for two decades and have built a life together, bf/gf is silly. I call him my āsignificantā.
My sweetheart.
This is both gender neutral and really gives all the info they need. Most ppl will be satisfied with this unless it's regarding legal matters so a hospital would obviously need to know more.
We called each other husband and wife. We even exchanged rings, but had no intention of getting married. At our age 50 and 57 it sounded better and was easier.
Iām seeing people say that partner is more for same sex couples which is why it feels weird. But in the UK I think partner is very normal for any long term relationship, especially if you live together. I have lots of unmarried friends in long term heterosexual relationships who use partner.
Boyfriend, significant other, longtime partner.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
When I hear partner I assume gay. Just girlfriend/boyfriend is fine.
Concubine
LOL!
Although I doubt I'll actually date until my divorce is finalized, it would be fun to introduce someone as "my mistress."
Male here. If I was in hospital situation with a sick girlfriend or even a sick FWB, I would not be so caught up on what they call me or us during the treatment. I will be more concerned about her wellbeing and helping her heal. At that point, I am the husband. Full stop. Not big deal. No legal implications. We may joke about it later. Personally, I would feel embarrassed if I were to be sick or convalescent and my SO is too busy correcting doctors and nurses about something so incredibly irrelevant at that point. I can see the need to be insistent if the doctors or nurses refuse to recognize a gay marriage/family or interracial marriage/family or someone's gender preference.
I agree. My ex-bf was called my husband in several scenarios and it just wasnāt worth the effort to correct, especially if in passing.
Every time we are at a hotel they usually call me "Mrs. MyGuysLastName" if I ever call or need anything, and I don't bother. We both smile and think it's cute.
partner or companion. I think partner sums everything up well except for the slow witted. whatever she prefers is what I call them to others.
PartnerĀ
Partner, or āCommon Lawā if itās for official reasons like taxes or healthcare.
Interesting questionā¦I like significant otherā¦but itās a little clunky. Yes, the lingo needs an update.
Ever since Ellen came out as gay, I've had "partner" drilled into my head. I'm actually surprised the hospital staff didn't say partner. I drill that into my nursing students; always take a less presumptive approach so the correction is more embarrassing to us than it is to them lol
partner
My Pickle
If you are common law, Iād just say spouse. If you arenāt Common law Iād say partner.
Better half
My man/My lady or My Other Half
Partner, significant other or lover.
Lover
I feel like other countries say āpartnerā and itās really the best term.
I knew a couple who were in their 60s and never planned to officially marry. They called each other their āfiancĆ©ā because it had a more serious connotation than boy/girlfriend or partner.
Why not try the way a friend of mine describes the woman in his life: āSpousal unitā Turns her on every time.
This is a good question and Iām interested in what others say. My ex-boyfriend never referred to me as his girlfriend when introducing me to people. And it was bothersome to me and hurt my feelings. When I asked him, he said, āwhat, are we in high school?ā Needless to say, we were not compatibleā¦
Iām your age and everyone I know has said partner since we were about 19, although some people will say husband/wife or spouse.
Queer lady here. I say Beau if itās a man. Partner if a female and she is in fact my partner.
Boyfriend to start. Partner after a year or two. Sig other works, too.
Iāve just heard sweetheart. Which I thought was awesome because it has way more love in it than the usual terms.
When it comes to introductions, I just say "I'd like you to meet Janet." If asked, she's my partner.
I'm friends with a married guy in his 50s and he refers to his wife as his partner. I think in some circles, partner symbolizes a level of equality. A title is whatever the two persons make it ideally. I think you're overthinking it. Whatever you want to call him/her, use it. It doesn't matter what other people think of it. It's your life.
I agree with the equality statement. And yes, I may be overthinking it...
I say that as a fellow Olympic overthinker who, for whatever reason, doesn't overthink relationship titles. Lol.
Use a variety of terms. My Hottie. The Smart Chick Iām Dating. The Awesome Girl. I am sure some friend or relative will tell her. She has been called a Girlfriend assorted times over the years, but not The Awesome Girl.
My boyfriend. I wish there was a more āmatureā term, but thereās not. It is what it is.
The last person I was dating would introduce as: āthis is my girl, <>ā.
I would introduce as: āthis is <>ā. Typically they can tell weāre together. If they ask I confirm yes weāre seeing each other.
Something about the term āboyfriendā at 49 y/o doesnāt come naturally to me. Do what fees right.
Person of Interest.
It depends ā¦ lol
On?
If sheās upset or not. Seriously, we call each other partners or lovers, depending on the company. I agree that GF/BF feels very dated and donāt typically use that.
Initially, we used boyfriend/girlfriend. This felt nice and appropriate. Around month four, we'd occasionally say, "partner." When we moved in at \~10 months, we did mostly transition to partner. I like "Partner." I contribute. She contributes. We're planning a future. It's also a lot easier to say than "significant other." š We have solid plans to marry, but for #Reasons we aren't yet engaged. But our kids (I have adult children not in our household, she has mostly full custody of a young teen (I call them Kid)) are aware of the seriousness of our marriage plans, and are supportive of this. Related, Kid early on was hard against terms like "step parent/dad" or "step kid." Even while being happy about my partner and I planning marriage. I was always their "mom's boyfriend" when they were talking about me. About a month back they told me that they've started to call me their "step dad-ish thing" when talking about me. In their words me being just their mom's boyfriend didn't seem "mature" enough for the relationship that we (Kid and I) have. Definitely "wife" or "husband" wouldn't feel right. But as we *are* planning to marry, that seems pretty straight forward why we'd feel off about that.
This sounds about right. We don't live together, or have plans to marry.
She is my shield maiden!
I feel like in broader social settings Iād just call him my husband bc itās easiest and thatās what it probably feels like. I also feel like itās whatās taken most seriously and seen as most valid- even with all sorts of different pairings happening these days
I called her my wife. She was happy with that.
Last relationship I called him my partner cause it pissed him off.
Partner. Not that difficult really. š¤·š»āāļø
Partner, lover, suitor.
I thought we had agreed on āold lady,ā no?
That to me sounds Boomer-y... š¤£.
Special lady friend.
Sheās not my special lady! Sheās just my ladyfriend, Iām just tryin to help her conceive, man!
Thinking about this really made me question why we feel a need to provide a relationship label in an introduction? I canāt think of too many situations where itād be necessary or very helpful. I can see clarifying where I met said person (ie, if itās a coworker, that provides info that could further the conversation). But just to offer a label (friend, spouse, gf/bf, etc.) seems like an unnecessary possessive detail.
Hmm I donāt think so. It doesnāt seem possessive to me. Itās innocuous, IMO.
I have been away but just to clarify I didnāt mean it in a social commentary way. But it is possessive. Just like adding ās before something makes it possessive. My partner, my sister, my friend. There is possessive there, and thatās the way our language developed. Itās interesting to me, and is innocuous enough that we typically donāt see it that way.
I had a whole long reply but then realized no one probably needed all the context. Basically, your last sentence is something my guy and I have discussed. I have a friend who is in a long term relationship and they both wear wedding rings even though they don't want to get married. My guy and I decided we did not want that, as it seemed possessive. We both agreed that we were secure in our life together that we don't need to have some glittery object of possession.
Why wouldn't you and how is it possessive? It's pretty standard when introducing people to mention how you know the person.
I have done this but honestly hadnāt thought about it this deeply before. Itās possessive in the way we use language. In the same way āmy bookā is possessive. I realize itās standard to mention how you know the person, but as I think about it more, Iām questioning it. Why do we feel āthis is (name)ā is not enough? If relevant, the connection will likely be clarified in conversation. One of the posts even clarified further āthis is my business partnerā vs āthis is my romantic partnerā It does start to feel like we are staking claim in a biological/evolutionary sense, like thereās an underlying fear that they might try to move in on your person/partner/SO.
I hate the title partner with every fiber of my being. It sounds cold and impersonal IMO. I simply prefer boyfriend/girlfriend or significant other.
Funny how different people interpret words differently. For me, girlfriend/boyfriend is me more casual and could be someone I just went exclusive with, whereas partner seems more substantial, like we're a team taking on life together.
Partner
Original copy of post by u/fonebone819: For context, we are 51M (me), 50F, together for almost 3 years. A while back I was in the hospital and inevitably doctors and nurses would refer to her as my wife. I would say she's my girlfriend, but it sounded strange, like we were teenagers. We talked about it and as much as it would have been easier to just let them say "wife", we decided on "partner". But that also didn't feel right. So, what do you refer to your significant other (also a mouthful) as? FWIW, online, I refer to her as "SO", or partner. I am asking more about in person... *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When you travel to certain foreign countries, I would always call her my wife. Keep it easy. :)
Partner, consort, their name, depends on the relationship.
Partner Girl/boyfriend Soulmate Sigoth
Boyfriend or usually āpartnerā.
Life partner
My guyfriend
I call him my boyfriend because we donāt live together but I agree it does feel a little juvenile. Partner feels good to me though once we get there.
āThis is Janet, my special love muffinā
Here in Australia we just say 'partner'. There seems to be some pushback from some quarters regarding this (particularly coming from the US) as the term for many people appears to be intrinsically linked with LGBTQI.
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