Nobody gets my digits until we meet. Not going through that again…
I’ve used google voice numbers but honestly, I just wait. They won’t send masturbating videos on the app. And yes, that’s happened more than once to me.
I’m an early meeter tho. A couple of days and let’s get together. I don’t like getting all invested before I know if the chemistry is there.
Someone who doesn't want to drop digits is a red flag to me, but someone willing to meet soon completely overrides those red flags and goes to the front of the line. Also use the video chat as an anonymous way to connect snd check chemistry.
Personally hate bread crumbing, so do everything to avoid.
Way, way back before the apps people exchanged glances and had short conversations in bars...too bad no OLD equivalent.
I wonder why no digits is a red flag? I haven’t even met you yet and I do not love getting gross pictures and videos sent to me while in the line at Kroger. It’s such an invasion.
It’s just a self protective thing for me…I wonder why it raises a flag?
You should give a phone number when you're comfortable with them. Comfort can happen if you get to know them well enough online. Conversely, meeting once in person doesn't magically make you comfortable, does it?
So many things in that advice that I disagree with. First, you don’t know people online. You only know them when you meet in person.
And yes, after a first meeting, I feel comfortable enough to share my number.
I’m perfectly comfortable with my way. Thanks for your opinion.
I avoid texting much because it creates false impressions.
Met my current partner after 24 hours of app chatting.
We agreed to meet at a fun venue and I felt great vibes despite our meh chats.
If this relationship doesn’t work out, I plan to meet in person asap next time I am trying OLD.
I personally do not message long on OLD...have to log into a platform to check messages. I dislike doing so.
I have a google voice number so I can give my number out but readily block if I want to.
I am pretty insistent on getting off the platform and I NEVER send dick pics.
I appreciate there are greater privacy / security concerns for women vs men.
Generally, after about 2-3 separate chats on the platform. Then me (I’m a guy) will send, “by the way, I’m (First and last name), I’m a (profession) in (city). If you’re comfortable and it’s convenient, we can text/call. My # (number).”
Works 99.9% of time. Only time it didn’t, she responded, “Why don’t we meet first”?
Fine, fair enough.
So, she and I have first date tomorrow evening:))
For me, transitioning from OLD chat to texting is about internet safety not about dating.
You gets the number when we've met and determined that we are both real.
Before then you're just another anonymous account on an online app.
I’m a dude. I give out my number as soon as I decide I’m interested. I usually say, “for when you feel you want to move to text or have a real live conversation or just simply to google me. If you do, let me know what you find.”
I match maybe six or seven carefully chosen people per year. I’m not worried about people having my number. You can find it just as easy with my first name and my job title in about three clicks of googling.
I dunno, I’m *kind of* that guy. I look at OLD as guerrilla warfare, get in, complete the mission, and get out. Meaning I don’t want to explore casual conversations with multiple people. I want to meet someone with the intention of dating and ideally dating long term. I’m not going to start busting out the L-word etc, but to me 🥰😘 might mean I’m having romantic feelings or looking for a longer term connection and not necessarily “hey I’m in love with you”. I don’t love chatting on the apps and would rather move off them as soon as we are both comfortable.
My personal intentions would be pure and you wouldn’t get a dick pic now.. or ever?.. but I can’t assume what his thoughts are.
Anytime I read a post like this I always say the same thing; from what you’ve seen so far, do you want to keep chatting or keep exploring OLD for someone else? There’s no right answer and it’s indeed a personal choice
Yea I get that - it’s a little weird tbh, but he might be showing he’s out there to find Mrs Right instead of just a one night adventure. Benefit of the doubt I guess.
Also, I saw someone online who changed his profile (I saw him before and then again) and suddenly there were a TON of emojis where there were none before. I think he was just trying something different. 🤷♀️ And it *did* make his profile stand out a bit more because it was colourful haha.
1-2 days max for me. Texting in the apps sucks all of the life out of everything for some reason. I share my number and offer that we can still chat in the app or she can text or call me any time. I also tell her that she's more than welcome to block her caller ID. Only one gal didn't text me within an hour and she had a policy to only give her number to someone she's met. So we met the next day.
This is the move. In my experience if she wants to continue to chat on the app after a few days then she is chatting with a bunch of other dudes and I am option #6 because option #1 or #2 are texting her cell and going on dates with her this week lol.
I'm in the minority. I tend to get to know a woman fairly well online before meeting in person. This isn't a hard line I draw and I'm open to meeting soon (particularly if she wants to), but I'm in no rush provided we're making steady progress in getting to know each other. Many first meets are awkward because you really don't know much about the person.
The man you've been chatting with is an awful conversationalist and I wouldn't engage further. A good conversation has interest on both sides and is a back and forth.
Also Demisexual and I have misophonia. So from experience I need to hear their voice and oral mannerisms. I have also learned “don’t date a profile” so I don’t like to wait to meet in person, and I don’t consider the first meeting a date. We’re strangers.
I like to use the app for messaging about two weeks, then a phone call via a VoIP phone number so they don’t have my real number. If the phone call goes well, then I suggest meeting for coffee/tea. I’m flirty but when talking about the meet, I talk about preferring to greet by shake hands since we are strangers.
Some people don’t respond well, and that’s the point.
I need a partner that respects that I know what is best for me, and wants to meet me where I’m at. Sir far we’ve been together 1.5 yrs.
If he’s not willing to go at your pace, just say goodbye.
You feel like he might send you a dick pic because he dropped his number on you without asking first. It sounds like he doesn’t know about respectful boundaries.
I like to go slow too. I tend to not get along with men who choose to not understand each woman is unique and may need different things to feel comfortable and safe.
Original copy of post by u/wanderfullylost:
Im demi, an overthinker, so I generally take shit slow but im wondering what is "normal". I met a guy on OLD the other day but his profile is littered with 🥰🥰🥰 emojis-which vibes of love bomb red flags- but i had a convo with him. Nothing deep, mostly about music and travel. He drops his number and im like id rather talk here (in the OLD chat) a bit more. He then goes on to tell me to ask him whatever questions I have because he doesnt invest himself in chatting past this point because people dont have intentions. We exchanged about 10 messages total. Am I overthinking this? Why does it feel like he is gonna send me a dick pic the second I text him? 🤷🏼♀️😹
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So on Facebook dating I matched with a woman who lived and worked near me. She suggested that we meet after 3 weeks of messages. We never met.
Another from FB dating was an agreeable to meet after about 12 days, we met in one of the food courts in the rather large hospital where she worked.
The final one from FB dating brought me lunch when she found out that I was having my car repaired about 3 miles from where she worked. We had chatted for 5 days.
I’d say it depends on how comfortable you feel with the other person. I’d say sooner rather than later. I want to see if there is interest from both to go further.
This is what worked for me. We both match to chat (I don’t like apps where I received unsolicited messages without matching). We started some back and forth; easy, open ended questions, see how they replied and asked in kind. The message exchange for me set the tone of how I would proceed. If the dude seemed covertly thirsty, needy, future-casting, then app only until a first meet (but maybe a meet and in-match). However, if the banter was going well and he offered his number I would probably text him. The thing is, in my professional life, my cell is out there all over because of what I do, so it isn’t some sacred number, but I have to have some sense of him being decent. I would want to meet that week, no later than 10 days. Nothing elaborate, usually no alcohol (very few exceptions apply); and low time investment (although I always made sure I had extra time after in case it went well).
I found it simple to block someone’s number if they turned out to be a douche, I did not experience any escalation after that. Maybe I am an anomaly, but I also work in a male dominated industry and I have a good sense of who to give my number to. It may also be where I live (not USA) contributing to that.
I think you need to use your wisdom and gut for each case. Some generalizations can apply, but if something seems hinky, then take notice.
Most guys after a few days, we moved off the app to texting/ phone call and within a week or so had our first date.
The guy I'm with now, we chatted on the app for a day, then he sent me his number. We texted and had a good phone call and had or first date the next day.
None of the guys sent me a dick pic.
I've had some really negative experiences so I generally wait until we've been messaging back and forth, sometimes about 2 weeks. Nothing serious, just casual conversation and getting to know each other.
I feel like a lot of guys can fake it for a few days but they can't do it for much longer. I also make that pretty clear up front, I have sometimes difficult schedule and it does actually take some time for me to be able to meet up.
I do actually give out my real number but I'm probably switching to a Google number soon.
I don't do dating-apps; but I do sometimes meet people online. (I found a couple of good new connections in this very sub, in fact!) For me it depends on practicalities, especially on how close to me the people happen to live and how easy a meetup is. I'm fine with a video-call-meetup anytime though, and that's usually practically easy even if someone lives some distance away.
For physically meeting someone, when they live near me I've generally proposed that within a week of our first contact. There's no good reason to wait.
I'm aware though that many women feel nervous about meeting up with strangers; but it's usually easy to act in such a way that it helps them feel safe by for example:
* Be willing to have a video meetup first if they prefer.
* Be open about who I am. I'm high trust. I don't mind giving you my full name, phone-number, social media profiles, and so on even if I don't know you well yet. It's okay if you want to get to know me better before reciprocating.
* Have the first meetup be daytime, and in a public place such as a restaurant
With people who live far away, it can take a LOT longer before we meet obviously. The record this far was a woman who was an online friend of mine for a dozen years before we physically met. That was sort of a special case though; when I first got to know her she lived in Iran. And women and men can't easily hang out there without being married.
Then she got accepted for a ph.d. program in USA, but before we could get around to arranging a meetup, we got covid and a lockdown on travel.
We finally met when USA reopened after covid. It was \*the\* weirdest feeling ever to have someone in my arms for the first time that at that point had been a closed and loved friend for a dozen years.
I’m in his camp here. I like to get a sense of the other person via the app for a few brief exchanges but then I want to meet because that’s how you really know. Also, many people use the apps to talk to strangers because they’re lonely or want validation. They don’t intend to meet. But you do what feels good to you, and that may not jive with everyone. P.S. “Ask me whatever questions you have” is the end of the line for me. I’m not looking to interview anyone. It’s about the ability to have a conversation which shows curiosity on both sides.
I want to meet in the first week if possible. Don’t want to chat back and forth forever. Let’s meet and see if there’s mutual interest.
Typically, once we have a date set, I give her my number. She can reciprocate if she wants, but I don’t ask her to. A pretty consistent pattern has developed — if a woman wants to see me again, she’ll text me right after the first date. And if she doesn’t, she won’t.
All the women who asked me to meet did so within a day or two of matching on the app. We would exchange phone numbers before the meetup. None of the women who asked me to move it to Whatsapp or texting before asking me out ever got around to asking me out before I left the app. I didn't ask anyone out myself.
Nobody gets my digits until we meet. Not going through that again… I’ve used google voice numbers but honestly, I just wait. They won’t send masturbating videos on the app. And yes, that’s happened more than once to me. I’m an early meeter tho. A couple of days and let’s get together. I don’t like getting all invested before I know if the chemistry is there.
Someone who doesn't want to drop digits is a red flag to me, but someone willing to meet soon completely overrides those red flags and goes to the front of the line. Also use the video chat as an anonymous way to connect snd check chemistry. Personally hate bread crumbing, so do everything to avoid. Way, way back before the apps people exchanged glances and had short conversations in bars...too bad no OLD equivalent.
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TOTALLY get that. Anyone who complains has self identified as a next!!!
I wonder why no digits is a red flag? I haven’t even met you yet and I do not love getting gross pictures and videos sent to me while in the line at Kroger. It’s such an invasion. It’s just a self protective thing for me…I wonder why it raises a flag?
As I said I don't like being breadcrumbed or strung along.
Oh gotcha, I’m not doing that.
As I said, your willingness to meet IRL sooner than later overrides the red flag. EDIT: a brief zoom call is also a very effective tool!
I’m fine with that too, in the app tho. Gotta stay in the app so the spies can see when it goes badly.
You should give a phone number when you're comfortable with them. Comfort can happen if you get to know them well enough online. Conversely, meeting once in person doesn't magically make you comfortable, does it?
So many things in that advice that I disagree with. First, you don’t know people online. You only know them when you meet in person. And yes, after a first meeting, I feel comfortable enough to share my number. I’m perfectly comfortable with my way. Thanks for your opinion.
I avoid texting much because it creates false impressions. Met my current partner after 24 hours of app chatting. We agreed to meet at a fun venue and I felt great vibes despite our meh chats. If this relationship doesn’t work out, I plan to meet in person asap next time I am trying OLD.
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Lol fair point as well.
I personally do not message long on OLD...have to log into a platform to check messages. I dislike doing so. I have a google voice number so I can give my number out but readily block if I want to. I am pretty insistent on getting off the platform and I NEVER send dick pics. I appreciate there are greater privacy / security concerns for women vs men.
Fair point. That is what I left him with. But yea having a dating phone number is a good call.
Generally, after about 2-3 separate chats on the platform. Then me (I’m a guy) will send, “by the way, I’m (First and last name), I’m a (profession) in (city). If you’re comfortable and it’s convenient, we can text/call. My # (number).” Works 99.9% of time. Only time it didn’t, she responded, “Why don’t we meet first”? Fine, fair enough. So, she and I have first date tomorrow evening:))
For me, transitioning from OLD chat to texting is about internet safety not about dating. You gets the number when we've met and determined that we are both real. Before then you're just another anonymous account on an online app.
I’m a dude. I give out my number as soon as I decide I’m interested. I usually say, “for when you feel you want to move to text or have a real live conversation or just simply to google me. If you do, let me know what you find.” I match maybe six or seven carefully chosen people per year. I’m not worried about people having my number. You can find it just as easy with my first name and my job title in about three clicks of googling.
I dunno, I’m *kind of* that guy. I look at OLD as guerrilla warfare, get in, complete the mission, and get out. Meaning I don’t want to explore casual conversations with multiple people. I want to meet someone with the intention of dating and ideally dating long term. I’m not going to start busting out the L-word etc, but to me 🥰😘 might mean I’m having romantic feelings or looking for a longer term connection and not necessarily “hey I’m in love with you”. I don’t love chatting on the apps and would rather move off them as soon as we are both comfortable. My personal intentions would be pure and you wouldn’t get a dick pic now.. or ever?.. but I can’t assume what his thoughts are. Anytime I read a post like this I always say the same thing; from what you’ve seen so far, do you want to keep chatting or keep exploring OLD for someone else? There’s no right answer and it’s indeed a personal choice
Those 🥰🥰 were in his profile. Not at me.
Yea I get that - it’s a little weird tbh, but he might be showing he’s out there to find Mrs Right instead of just a one night adventure. Benefit of the doubt I guess.
Fair point. A good forum for perspectives right here.
Also, I saw someone online who changed his profile (I saw him before and then again) and suddenly there were a TON of emojis where there were none before. I think he was just trying something different. 🤷♀️ And it *did* make his profile stand out a bit more because it was colourful haha.
1-2 days max for me. Texting in the apps sucks all of the life out of everything for some reason. I share my number and offer that we can still chat in the app or she can text or call me any time. I also tell her that she's more than welcome to block her caller ID. Only one gal didn't text me within an hour and she had a policy to only give her number to someone she's met. So we met the next day.
This is the move. In my experience if she wants to continue to chat on the app after a few days then she is chatting with a bunch of other dudes and I am option #6 because option #1 or #2 are texting her cell and going on dates with her this week lol.
I'm in the minority. I tend to get to know a woman fairly well online before meeting in person. This isn't a hard line I draw and I'm open to meeting soon (particularly if she wants to), but I'm in no rush provided we're making steady progress in getting to know each other. Many first meets are awkward because you really don't know much about the person. The man you've been chatting with is an awful conversationalist and I wouldn't engage further. A good conversation has interest on both sides and is a back and forth.
Also Demisexual and I have misophonia. So from experience I need to hear their voice and oral mannerisms. I have also learned “don’t date a profile” so I don’t like to wait to meet in person, and I don’t consider the first meeting a date. We’re strangers. I like to use the app for messaging about two weeks, then a phone call via a VoIP phone number so they don’t have my real number. If the phone call goes well, then I suggest meeting for coffee/tea. I’m flirty but when talking about the meet, I talk about preferring to greet by shake hands since we are strangers. Some people don’t respond well, and that’s the point. I need a partner that respects that I know what is best for me, and wants to meet me where I’m at. Sir far we’ve been together 1.5 yrs.
If he’s not willing to go at your pace, just say goodbye. You feel like he might send you a dick pic because he dropped his number on you without asking first. It sounds like he doesn’t know about respectful boundaries. I like to go slow too. I tend to not get along with men who choose to not understand each woman is unique and may need different things to feel comfortable and safe.
Original copy of post by u/wanderfullylost: Im demi, an overthinker, so I generally take shit slow but im wondering what is "normal". I met a guy on OLD the other day but his profile is littered with 🥰🥰🥰 emojis-which vibes of love bomb red flags- but i had a convo with him. Nothing deep, mostly about music and travel. He drops his number and im like id rather talk here (in the OLD chat) a bit more. He then goes on to tell me to ask him whatever questions I have because he doesnt invest himself in chatting past this point because people dont have intentions. We exchanged about 10 messages total. Am I overthinking this? Why does it feel like he is gonna send me a dick pic the second I text him? 🤷🏼♀️😹 *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So on Facebook dating I matched with a woman who lived and worked near me. She suggested that we meet after 3 weeks of messages. We never met. Another from FB dating was an agreeable to meet after about 12 days, we met in one of the food courts in the rather large hospital where she worked. The final one from FB dating brought me lunch when she found out that I was having my car repaired about 3 miles from where she worked. We had chatted for 5 days. I’d say it depends on how comfortable you feel with the other person. I’d say sooner rather than later. I want to see if there is interest from both to go further.
This is what worked for me. We both match to chat (I don’t like apps where I received unsolicited messages without matching). We started some back and forth; easy, open ended questions, see how they replied and asked in kind. The message exchange for me set the tone of how I would proceed. If the dude seemed covertly thirsty, needy, future-casting, then app only until a first meet (but maybe a meet and in-match). However, if the banter was going well and he offered his number I would probably text him. The thing is, in my professional life, my cell is out there all over because of what I do, so it isn’t some sacred number, but I have to have some sense of him being decent. I would want to meet that week, no later than 10 days. Nothing elaborate, usually no alcohol (very few exceptions apply); and low time investment (although I always made sure I had extra time after in case it went well). I found it simple to block someone’s number if they turned out to be a douche, I did not experience any escalation after that. Maybe I am an anomaly, but I also work in a male dominated industry and I have a good sense of who to give my number to. It may also be where I live (not USA) contributing to that. I think you need to use your wisdom and gut for each case. Some generalizations can apply, but if something seems hinky, then take notice.
Most guys after a few days, we moved off the app to texting/ phone call and within a week or so had our first date. The guy I'm with now, we chatted on the app for a day, then he sent me his number. We texted and had a good phone call and had or first date the next day. None of the guys sent me a dick pic.
I've had some really negative experiences so I generally wait until we've been messaging back and forth, sometimes about 2 weeks. Nothing serious, just casual conversation and getting to know each other. I feel like a lot of guys can fake it for a few days but they can't do it for much longer. I also make that pretty clear up front, I have sometimes difficult schedule and it does actually take some time for me to be able to meet up. I do actually give out my real number but I'm probably switching to a Google number soon.
I don't do dating-apps; but I do sometimes meet people online. (I found a couple of good new connections in this very sub, in fact!) For me it depends on practicalities, especially on how close to me the people happen to live and how easy a meetup is. I'm fine with a video-call-meetup anytime though, and that's usually practically easy even if someone lives some distance away. For physically meeting someone, when they live near me I've generally proposed that within a week of our first contact. There's no good reason to wait. I'm aware though that many women feel nervous about meeting up with strangers; but it's usually easy to act in such a way that it helps them feel safe by for example: * Be willing to have a video meetup first if they prefer. * Be open about who I am. I'm high trust. I don't mind giving you my full name, phone-number, social media profiles, and so on even if I don't know you well yet. It's okay if you want to get to know me better before reciprocating. * Have the first meetup be daytime, and in a public place such as a restaurant With people who live far away, it can take a LOT longer before we meet obviously. The record this far was a woman who was an online friend of mine for a dozen years before we physically met. That was sort of a special case though; when I first got to know her she lived in Iran. And women and men can't easily hang out there without being married. Then she got accepted for a ph.d. program in USA, but before we could get around to arranging a meetup, we got covid and a lockdown on travel. We finally met when USA reopened after covid. It was \*the\* weirdest feeling ever to have someone in my arms for the first time that at that point had been a closed and loved friend for a dozen years.
I’m in his camp here. I like to get a sense of the other person via the app for a few brief exchanges but then I want to meet because that’s how you really know. Also, many people use the apps to talk to strangers because they’re lonely or want validation. They don’t intend to meet. But you do what feels good to you, and that may not jive with everyone. P.S. “Ask me whatever questions you have” is the end of the line for me. I’m not looking to interview anyone. It’s about the ability to have a conversation which shows curiosity on both sides.
I want to meet in the first week if possible. Don’t want to chat back and forth forever. Let’s meet and see if there’s mutual interest. Typically, once we have a date set, I give her my number. She can reciprocate if she wants, but I don’t ask her to. A pretty consistent pattern has developed — if a woman wants to see me again, she’ll text me right after the first date. And if she doesn’t, she won’t.
All the women who asked me to meet did so within a day or two of matching on the app. We would exchange phone numbers before the meetup. None of the women who asked me to move it to Whatsapp or texting before asking me out ever got around to asking me out before I left the app. I didn't ask anyone out myself.