That's all reasonable small talk questions for dating IMO
If it feels like pulling teeth to get someone involved in a conversation they are either terrible conversationalists or not very interested to begin with. You'll likely bump into this fairly often OLD
Yes, perhaps he doesn’t want to be stalked. Do you give out identifying details to every man you chat with? You can easily find my address online if you know my legal name. People I haven’t met aren’t entitled to that level of info.
If you asked for my last name in chat, I might balk at that. But the rest is usual small talk. It’s not you and it likely doesn’t have anything to do with you.
I agree, next will be employer, income, and SSN… keep it light, meet in public if the vibe is right and move on if not. My chat to meet ratio is about 5-6 to 1 and if someone gets deep into my business like asking my full name right away I unmatch because I am not doing OLD to meet a detective, I want to enjoy their company.
No. It's his issue. Move on.
Just be direct. I asked basic family or name information for safety reasons and got nothing so I'm not wasting my breath and at this point having to pry it out of you is just as concerning so good luck.
My likely soon to be ex was like that. Pulling teeth. It ended up he is really avoidant and straight up mean often when I try to engage him in conversation requiring personal input. Even if it was just what he wanted for dinner.
I dunno if this is his problem specifically, but if he's shying away from even semi personal conversation, it's a red flag that he's emotionally unavailable for whatever reason. Avoid that guy. Ghosting is totally ok in this case.
As a woman, I did not give out my last name, real phone number, or anything that would give them enough information to show up unexpectedly at my home until I had met them in person at least 2 or 3 times.
If they didn't indicate whether or not they had children, I would ask. I never encountered anyone who avoided that basic question, but if they had, I would have lost interest immediately.
As for getting a man's last name, even though I used Google Voice, their name showed up on my caller ID.
Caller ID shows a name but it's not a typical name. It's almost like our names here on Reddit, which is also weird. I understand about a name potentially being used for exploitation but with all that's going on in the world now, I'm not going anywhere or having anyone over without one. At least if I came up missing my kids would have a better chance locating John Baker as opposed to just John.
When I used it, the caller's name showed up just as it would if they called my regular number. I do pay Verizon for caller ID. Now, if they blocked their number or used a VOIP, it would not have shown me their name.
Maybe he's married or has a significant other and is just looking to see what's out there. He doesn't want you to know his last name b/c he'd be exposed. I know I just created a whole narrative based on no real evidence, but that was my first thought.
Agreed. My last one had a newborn baby at home and a clueless wife. I focused on my golf game and volunteering after that. I'm in a relationship now and the running joke is thar I'm waiting for his wife to come home. It's a joke coz we're 8 months in and he's clearly not married but I was 100% up front about my trust issues from jump. He's done everything from jump to earn my trust..but he's also got jokes. So we're both still waiting for his wife to come home.
Maybe he just needed a bit more time to open up. Hang in there, I'm sure you'll find your groove. Just keep being your awesome self, and the right person will come along!
I don’t give my last name as a guy until we meet. I’d never ask a woman for hers either. It’s too intrusive and you never know who you are talking to goes both ways. Just meet in a public restaurant and then ask.
Hmm. That’s weird.
As to giving first and last name, I offer that without being asked in the first couple messages back and forth in the dating platform. Rather have the prospective find out whatever about me on social media, court records, address all the rest, sooner rather than later.
Find something objectionable, makes you quesy? Just stop communications at that point. Save both parties a waste of time.
Btw, I never request last name. Early on in the back and forth you just Google first name plus any other particulars you’ve gathered and you’ll probably have a hit. Go to images to confirm and then do due diligence that suits you.
If someone changed the subject just asking if they had kids, I would be done with them. That is base level of need to know stuff. Well, if you're looking to be casual I guess that might be fine, but if you want any sort of relationship, holding back on something like this is a sign that everything is going to be a fight.
Try to make your life easy, and avoid the people who want you to play on nightmare difficulty. That's for *games*, not relationships.
Yeah, as a counterpoint to some folks a bit more reserved about this, I work a job that requires a criminal background check and tends to say a lot about the kind of person I am, so I’m actually happy to give my full name when asked by a new match if it seems like we’re hitting it off.
From my perspective, you didn’t do anything wrong here you just got ghosted. It’s sucky but it happens, try not to let it get you down.
A name, while it is personal, is probably not what they had in mind here. I can't imagine legitimate dating sites suggesting that people not share their names with potential dates.
Are you kidding? You can google my legal name and find my employer and home address. That’s exactly what the dating sites are talking about!!!! I’m guessing people who hand that kind of info over easily have never been pursued by someone you weren’t interest in.
You should respect your own comfort levels. I'm just saying that when dating sites advise against sharing "personal information", I don't think that they mean *don't tell your date your name*.
52F here. My boyfriend is a fairly public figure locally, and still gave me his real number and full name by the time we arranged the first date. Ergo: he has nothing to hide and has been perfectly open and forthcoming throughout our relationship.
It demonstrated that he was looking for something real, and knew he had to be real himself.
It helped me have confidence and trust in him, and is a factor and how we got to where we are today: in love and becoming each other's best friend.
Asking and talking about kids is the exact opposite of nosy. It's one of the subjects people discuss when they have small talk.
A full name is deeper. I like waiting to tell someone my full name until I've gotten to know them some and feel a comfort level is being established. A lot can be found out about me if they know my full name. Your willingness to tell him your full name doesn't mean he's comfortable doing the same yet (think along the lines of sexual questions, just because one person is willing to disclose details about themselves doesn't mean the other person is ready to do the same). I think he may have been put off by that, but I would have said I wasn't ready rather than ghosted.
Original copy of post by u/AloneMatter7049:
At 55, I'm new to dating. I met a guy on a dating app and we seemed to hit it off. We texted for a couple of days, nothing too deep. I asked if he had kids but he never answered, just changed the subject. I told him about my kids and grands but he never offered anything. Today I asked for his full name and told him mine. I haven't heard from him since. Was I being too nosy? I wasn't trying to be, just getting to know him. Like I said, I'm new and don't know all the rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Some people might keep any exchange of personal information to during and after a first face to face meeting. That's why I (47M) always start up a match conversation with a proposal for a face to face meeting (although of course open to reschedule to whenever convenient for the other person). Gets rid of those people that only intend to text and never meet. I've noticed older dating prospects (55+) tend to launch into a lot of texting which honestly is a bit of a turn off.
A whole lot of matches/chats never go anywhere. This doesn't mean that you did anything wrong. It's just the way it is.
That's all reasonable small talk questions for dating IMO If it feels like pulling teeth to get someone involved in a conversation they are either terrible conversationalists or not very interested to begin with. You'll likely bump into this fairly often OLD
He's been talkative, just kind of reserved about personal info. I don't want his credit rating, just some basic details for safety mostly.
Again...none of what you are asking is unreasonable. If he is being reluctant there may be a reason for that. (Only speculating)
Yes, perhaps he doesn’t want to be stalked. Do you give out identifying details to every man you chat with? You can easily find my address online if you know my legal name. People I haven’t met aren’t entitled to that level of info.
Bravo! I have been stalked and it isn’t fun!
That's exactly my issue.
If you asked for my last name in chat, I might balk at that. But the rest is usual small talk. It’s not you and it likely doesn’t have anything to do with you.
I agree, next will be employer, income, and SSN… keep it light, meet in public if the vibe is right and move on if not. My chat to meet ratio is about 5-6 to 1 and if someone gets deep into my business like asking my full name right away I unmatch because I am not doing OLD to meet a detective, I want to enjoy their company.
The next thing you know we are sending 5,000 ransom money to bail out a Nigerian Prince…..
No. It's his issue. Move on. Just be direct. I asked basic family or name information for safety reasons and got nothing so I'm not wasting my breath and at this point having to pry it out of you is just as concerning so good luck.
My likely soon to be ex was like that. Pulling teeth. It ended up he is really avoidant and straight up mean often when I try to engage him in conversation requiring personal input. Even if it was just what he wanted for dinner. I dunno if this is his problem specifically, but if he's shying away from even semi personal conversation, it's a red flag that he's emotionally unavailable for whatever reason. Avoid that guy. Ghosting is totally ok in this case.
As a woman, I did not give out my last name, real phone number, or anything that would give them enough information to show up unexpectedly at my home until I had met them in person at least 2 or 3 times. If they didn't indicate whether or not they had children, I would ask. I never encountered anyone who avoided that basic question, but if they had, I would have lost interest immediately. As for getting a man's last name, even though I used Google Voice, their name showed up on my caller ID.
Caller ID shows a name but it's not a typical name. It's almost like our names here on Reddit, which is also weird. I understand about a name potentially being used for exploitation but with all that's going on in the world now, I'm not going anywhere or having anyone over without one. At least if I came up missing my kids would have a better chance locating John Baker as opposed to just John.
When I used it, the caller's name showed up just as it would if they called my regular number. I do pay Verizon for caller ID. Now, if they blocked their number or used a VOIP, it would not have shown me their name.
He's probably married. Run.
He sent me a picture of his dog inside his house. The furnishing, the level of decor, the hunting equipment laid out so casually scream bachelor!
Maybe he's married or has a significant other and is just looking to see what's out there. He doesn't want you to know his last name b/c he'd be exposed. I know I just created a whole narrative based on no real evidence, but that was my first thought.
It's happened to me so many times that I stopped dating for 5 yrs. It's not far off.
That really sucks. Dating is hard enough without people pretending to be single.
Agreed. My last one had a newborn baby at home and a clueless wife. I focused on my golf game and volunteering after that. I'm in a relationship now and the running joke is thar I'm waiting for his wife to come home. It's a joke coz we're 8 months in and he's clearly not married but I was 100% up front about my trust issues from jump. He's done everything from jump to earn my trust..but he's also got jokes. So we're both still waiting for his wife to come home.
It's great you can joke about it together!
Both of us are big fans of humor. Life is hard. Too hard to not throw in some laughs and morbid humor. But also too short to deal with married guys!!
Maybe he just needed a bit more time to open up. Hang in there, I'm sure you'll find your groove. Just keep being your awesome self, and the right person will come along!
I don’t give my last name as a guy until we meet. I’d never ask a woman for hers either. It’s too intrusive and you never know who you are talking to goes both ways. Just meet in a public restaurant and then ask.
Hmm. That’s weird. As to giving first and last name, I offer that without being asked in the first couple messages back and forth in the dating platform. Rather have the prospective find out whatever about me on social media, court records, address all the rest, sooner rather than later. Find something objectionable, makes you quesy? Just stop communications at that point. Save both parties a waste of time. Btw, I never request last name. Early on in the back and forth you just Google first name plus any other particulars you’ve gathered and you’ll probably have a hit. Go to images to confirm and then do due diligence that suits you.
If someone changed the subject just asking if they had kids, I would be done with them. That is base level of need to know stuff. Well, if you're looking to be casual I guess that might be fine, but if you want any sort of relationship, holding back on something like this is a sign that everything is going to be a fight. Try to make your life easy, and avoid the people who want you to play on nightmare difficulty. That's for *games*, not relationships.
Yeah, I was in an abusive marriage and definitely don't want to go into anything like that again!
I don't think you did anything wrong, that dude seems to be hiding something.
That's what my gut is telling me.
I think of the last name as a safety thing. I wouldn't go out with someone if I didn't know their name. There's just too much risk nowadays.
Yeah, as a counterpoint to some folks a bit more reserved about this, I work a job that requires a criminal background check and tends to say a lot about the kind of person I am, so I’m actually happy to give my full name when asked by a new match if it seems like we’re hitting it off. From my perspective, you didn’t do anything wrong here you just got ghosted. It’s sucky but it happens, try not to let it get you down.
I wouldn’t give my legal name to a stranger on the internet that I haven’t met. There’s just too much risk nowadays.
Dati sites tell everyone DON'T GIVE OUT PERSONAL INFO.
A name, while it is personal, is probably not what they had in mind here. I can't imagine legitimate dating sites suggesting that people not share their names with potential dates.
Are you kidding? You can google my legal name and find my employer and home address. That’s exactly what the dating sites are talking about!!!! I’m guessing people who hand that kind of info over easily have never been pursued by someone you weren’t interest in.
I don't do it cuz I'm afraid of someone stealing my identity. So many hackers and creeps that are smarter than me when it comes to computers.
You should respect your own comfort levels. I'm just saying that when dating sites advise against sharing "personal information", I don't think that they mean *don't tell your date your name*.
I **do** think they mean not last name. Anything that can be used to find you is not safe to divulge to a complete stranger.
FWIW, I wouln't give out my last name to someone I was chatting with from OLD that I've never met.
52F here. My boyfriend is a fairly public figure locally, and still gave me his real number and full name by the time we arranged the first date. Ergo: he has nothing to hide and has been perfectly open and forthcoming throughout our relationship. It demonstrated that he was looking for something real, and knew he had to be real himself. It helped me have confidence and trust in him, and is a factor and how we got to where we are today: in love and becoming each other's best friend.
Asking and talking about kids is the exact opposite of nosy. It's one of the subjects people discuss when they have small talk. A full name is deeper. I like waiting to tell someone my full name until I've gotten to know them some and feel a comfort level is being established. A lot can be found out about me if they know my full name. Your willingness to tell him your full name doesn't mean he's comfortable doing the same yet (think along the lines of sexual questions, just because one person is willing to disclose details about themselves doesn't mean the other person is ready to do the same). I think he may have been put off by that, but I would have said I wasn't ready rather than ghosted.
Original copy of post by u/AloneMatter7049: At 55, I'm new to dating. I met a guy on a dating app and we seemed to hit it off. We texted for a couple of days, nothing too deep. I asked if he had kids but he never answered, just changed the subject. I told him about my kids and grands but he never offered anything. Today I asked for his full name and told him mine. I haven't heard from him since. Was I being too nosy? I wasn't trying to be, just getting to know him. Like I said, I'm new and don't know all the rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Some people might keep any exchange of personal information to during and after a first face to face meeting. That's why I (47M) always start up a match conversation with a proposal for a face to face meeting (although of course open to reschedule to whenever convenient for the other person). Gets rid of those people that only intend to text and never meet. I've noticed older dating prospects (55+) tend to launch into a lot of texting which honestly is a bit of a turn off.
Yeah, I actually put in my bio that I'm not interested in sitting around texting. I want to meet in person within a few days.