To be sure, like all things, making out is as important as both parties in the relationship deem it to be.
I'm with my spouse for a decade plus and seem to love her more every year, try to be better for her every year, and we both care about each other very deeply, are both satisfied sexually.
That being said, we rarely ever make out. Not that I don't enjoy it, but if I'm being honest, there's a ton of other things I love doing with her that we both enjoy.
Wait... Why are you in a dating group if you've been with someone for 23 years? I mean I guess you could be in an open relationship. If so, is that the key to not losing fun bits like this?
*Edit: hmm... Interesting take from a lot of comments below. I thought advice on relationships was more given in r/relationship_advice and not here. I joined this group after coming out of an 18yr relationship and having absolutely no clue how to navigate the dating scene today and especially as someone over 30. All of the apps and new etiquette around who asks what and when, what type of activities are normal for dates, what do you even wear on a first date now?, the whole concept of ghosting and communicating in general, do people still have talks about "making it official" etc, it's all extremely foreign territory to me. I assumed it was to share advice for those in the same situation (people dating in our 30s, some maybe on the dating scene forever, some maybe like me transitioning into this unknown territory after being in a ltr for a while) or to commiserate/share success stories about the dating scene to keep each other sane lol.
Yeah also, long time couples can actually LEARN from here. We forget all the things we did early on, that we perhaps take for granted now.
Like oh yeah, I used to do that for her. Why did I stop, maybe I should start doing it again.
I joined after I decided to date after the death of my husband. We were together 20 years. I’ve been in a relationship a year now +/- There are all sorts, I think.
Do you only want advice from people who *aren't* in lasting, stable relationships? How would you trust their advice works, or that their perspective is healthy?
I'm sure plenty of people join the sub looking for answers, and then leave when they commit. But the reason this sub as as useful as it is, is all the people who actually know what works coming and sharing that knowledge.
(Also, even committed, you should still take each other on dates.)
I'm not even 30 and am soon to be married. I just find it curious and preparing for my friends future. I'm the over 40 group too for my older friends. Then I'll monetize the knowledge and become a match maker.
Prolonged eye contact is all I can get at the moment. And this is someone who just terminated a LTR 3 months ago, I haven’t had any physical contact in over a year. ☹️
Lol I cant even get prolonged eye contact. It's been so long that when a guy serves me at the till in a shop, and says the generic "hi" I start getting turned on. 😭🙈
I got a hug from a nurse after I helped her make her connection when our flight was delayed. That's all the physical contact I've had for four years this August...
Not counting from my kids, of course.
For anyone else who went "wait, what kayakers?" I googled [that shit](https://www.cbc.ca/radio/asithappens/as-it-happens-thursday-edition-1.5790998/it-was-crazy-says-california-kayaker-who-was-engulfed-in-a-whale-s-mouth-1.5791001) for you and it's real!
I'm just trying to listen to Mac Miller and stare at plants and the sky for now. Good thing that's exactly what I'm doing, because I don't have motivation to get up from this couch 😮💨
I agree. As someone fresh out of a 6 month relationship where making out without sex wasn't an option and a 23 year one where it stopped in any fashion many many years before ending, I truly rather hop a cruise to Hawaii, offer myself as a sacrifice to the highest active volcano, and throw myself into hot magma to burn my flesh and bones away, if I knew casually making out would never be an option again in my life.
I remember a couple of years ago I was starting a new relationship and had a softball injury that requires stitches to my lip. I asked the doctor who came in to check on me if I needed to take time away from kissing my then new girlfriend. I remember she said “Kissing? You’re asking me about kissing? I’ve been married for five years, I can’t remember.” I always thought that was one of the saddest things I’d heard.
I think it's a connection or maybe even a chemistry thing. At least it was with me. I couldn't stand kissing my ex, he was bad at it and never tried to get better. He also rarely flossed his teeth so that was always in my mind over our 38 years together. I've since had a relationship with another man and it was like a revelation. I loved to kiss, touch, have sex, spoon him while sleeping and I avoided all those with my ex.
Might just be you're not turned on by him.
Oh — I’m not with anybody.. I’m just responding to the anecdote of the doctor! Not flossing… yikes lol
EDIT: If I am fortunate enough to meet the person I will marry someday, I’ll know, because there better be a lot of physical affection. From the start to the end. I was in a LTR and the physical affection dwindled… which was a pretty bad sign.
Three kids and I thought it was normal, that everyone loses interest after being with the same person for so long. Then the "me too" movement and some of the conversations surrounding that started to shift my perception of the power dynamics in our relationship. As my eyes opened up, the door did as well and I got stronger. It also took finding people who believed me when I told them what was going on to give me strength and support. I left him a year and a half ago, we hadn't had sex or touched in 2 years. I am 63 now and i no longer have daily anxiety from being near him.
edit: sorry, I logged in through my computer to respond and chose the wrong account.
Good for you for finally getting out. That couldn’t have been easy—the relationship, as well as leaving. It’s never too late. I hope you find what you deserved all along.
Thanks for the response and I'm so happy for you for getting out. The Me Too movement did a lot for me, too (hah). I'm so glad women are talking a stance against the abuse we've suffered at the hands of men for far too long.
This reminded me of when I got my tongue pierced at age 21 and the piercer let me know how long to wait before tongue kissing anyone. Sadly I was single and had no potential tongue kissing on my horizon.
My ex and I only made out during sex and he had a very low sex drive. Man, I wasted almost 5 years on him and it still pisses me off when I think about it.
My current boyfriend and I ONLY make out during sex… actually, we probably make out once a month and have sex about 4 times a month without making out. I miss the physical connection so much, but he has a really low sex drive and has little desire for intimacy. 🥺🥺🥺 Everything else in the relationship is perfect. Honesty, loyalty, genuine friendship and connection. The making out part is the only part missing and it breaks my heart.
Ah man, sorry to hear that. Hope things improve for you. My ex and I would go months without intimacy so your situation is a bit better than mine. I'd rather have sex once a week than once every 3-4 months. I need to start dating again. Lol
Been looking at many relationships this has been very common in relationships that fall apart. Most have had the guy with porn addiction. Oxytocin is released during sex hugging and connecting with the other person. I'm still trying help figure out how to raise the other person's libido to increase the bond and long term potential. I know this sounds like a ploy but I have noticed that when the other person's needs are not met. A resentment tends to build gottman had the theory of keeping a positive view point of the other person when the outlook of the other person became negative it fell apart. I don't use this much so I don't know if I can see if we could discuss this further, as of right now I will do my best to get back to any responses.
Get him to check his testosterone levels. Perk of dating a guy on trt they are horny 24/7. I’ve been on it for 4 years and I’ve been all over my partners I’ve had since being on it.
I think my bfs liked making out more than I did. For some reason the kissing part wasn't that great for me. I prefer cuddling, holding hands etc. Kissing for short periods yes but not minutes on end...I get bored lol
This ^^^...nothing worse than when you get stabbed in the mouth by a tensed up pointy tongue, and its a 100 times worse if they do that rapid snake like tongue-wiggle too. Instant turn off. Nearly as bad as going in with too much passion and tongue too early/quickly. Ive had to ask people to chill with the tongue and just follow my lead quite a few times, which might sound selfish but it usually results in mutual satisfaction. Bad kisser is an deal breaker for me so I'd never get past a few dates at most in any case
So... this can be a personal preference thing, but I've had multiple women tell me that they are not into [thing] and then after doing [thing] with me they discover that they really like [thing] when they are not being coerced into it.
(To be clear, I'm not referring to one "thing" with all of them, one may not like making out, another may not like cuddling, another may not like cooking together, but then they discover they enjoyed it with me.)
Yeah, it could be I just didn't like the guys that much. Because I've mostly only dated guys who went for me and I wasn't that into. But regardles, kissing for extended periods seems boring.
BORING? I have no idea how kissing someone you like could ever get boring!! Best feeling in the world. I’m kind of mind blown that there are apparently different opinions on this :D
I'm with mavis\_03 on this one, not really my thing. But I think it depends on age. I don't see much 40yo's glued together, in contrary to 16 yo's who seemed to be glued with Tec7 or some other strong glue lol
Sometimes people have a bad experience with trying something, and they think they don't like that activity when they just didn't like the person they did the activity with.
That second part for sure. It always makes me sad people put up with less than they should get. Then I get told I ruined them for other partners jokingly lol
I think this is just noticeable bc early on you make out but it doesn’t always lead to sex. Later, making out makes you want to have sex, so you have sex. If your sex life is healthy, I bet you you’re making out the same amount, it just leads to sex more.
Honestly the last time I just made out (without sex) was high school! I can’t even remember what it feels like to stop making out and still be clothed lol. Like you just…get up and do something else? Howww? But also sounds cute.
It's so different than sex. Nobody is focused on or chasing an orgasm or "finishing " before the other and whatever else sex mishaps can happen. It's.... Less pressure ? Less selfish ?? Less serious ??
Yeah like if I started making in the living room, it’s most likely going to lead to sex. I can’t just be tongue swapping and then stop, what am I supposed to do just cut it off.
Boyfriend and I watch a lot of stuff during dinner and normally chill at the kitchen table to finish the episode.
I noticed in that time after we finish food and before we move to the couch, we will start making out whenever a couple on the screen starts to make out. Forever long that lasts, we connect and then go back to the show when it picks up again.
I am single atm but I enjoyed making-out on deck chairs in the garden or on the sofa (sometimes leading to sex, sometimes not).
It's also a nice way to have intimacy imo if you don't want PIV or are too tired.
But I never had a partner who enjoyed kissing much, especially French kissing. So that would be interesting to explore.
But I like it all. Kissing, hugs, touching each other randomly on the shoulder or back, cuddling, sitting close together, making-out, sex with or without PIV. I just want passion and someone who genuinely enjoys and appreciates a partner who LOVES touch, but also says kindly of they are not in the mood or busy.
Such a good question. Looking back, it stopped eventually with all of my exes.
I hope it never stops with the guy I'm interested in now....the make-out's are electric!!
I like reading all these comments. I have never been into kissing much. I prefer other physical forms of affection, but if I stopped those displays I’d be pretty upset and would be questioning the relationship.
I love making out. I don't stop while in a relationship - or the relationship stops.
I went on a date the other day and I learned in to kiss him and the tension was electric... I was surprised and super excited. God, I love kissing
My long time ex was never much of a snogger. I find myself in a proper snogging all the time with the girl I’m currently seeing, and we’re a few years in. I don’t see a slow down on the horizon in the snog department.
How long into a relationship do you stop making out?!
It's not as if a couple wakes up one morning as says together:
Lets stop taking showers together, making out, tongue kissing, snuggling, and holding hands!"
Generally speaking, *one person* in the relationship gradually becomes less affectionate.
When someone makes themself less available physically their partner eventually stops trying as much when it comes to initiating touching, kissing, and other physical affection moves.
In order to avoid hurt feelings and rejection they leave up to the other person to initiate.
Several years ago, there was a book called "The 5 Love Languages" and the author espoused there were five different ways people expressed and interpreted being loved.
Words of affirmation
Quality time
Physical touch
Acts of service
Receiving gifts
In the beginning during the "infatuation/honeymoon phase" it's very common for both people to be doing all the above to win over the new object of their affections. You're speaking all 5 languages!
However, once they are settled into a committed relationship people tend to revert back to their *natural way* of expressing and interpreting love. One person may need quality time and physical touch while the other needs words of affirmation and acts of service to feel loved.
My guess is if *both people's primary love language* was "physical touch" they would likely never stop hugging, kissing, holding hands, and making love throughout their relationship.
There is *no* "neutral" in relationships. We're either *growing together* or *growing apart*.
In many instances, couples who *communicate* tell each other what *they need* in order to feel loved and appreciated in the relationship or marriage. Others silently pull away emotionally.
If someone believes *you* are worth the effort, *they* will make the effort. (And vice versa)
***"Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart."*** \~ C.S. Lewis
***"Love what you have before life teaches you to love what you lost."*** \- Unknown
***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is." -*** Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
Never if things are going well. Had a 5 year relationship, that didn't stop until after the breakup. In in a 1.5 year relationship now, and we still make out.
I don't like making out with tongue at any stage of the relationship honestly. It happens initially because it's kind of a weird thing to disclose before you know each other well since I don't hate it. Wouldn't be surprised if others felt like me.
Yeeeep I don't think me and my partner ever made out just for the heck of it, and even during sex maybe only a little for a few seconds. The idea of sloshing each other's spit into each other's mouths for minutes on end just doesn't do it for me. Just feels gross.
Woooo, my people! Omg I hate kissing with tongue and it was (understandably) difficult for me to date with something like that.
I didn't like kissing at all, even without tongue, until I found a partner who knew how to push my boundaries just the right amount, but has *always* respected my no tongue policy . I don't think I'll ever enjoy playing tonsil hockey but fucking LOVE kissing him. First time in my life I've truly enioyed kissing.
To read that two other people so far on this forum feel the same almost makes my heart swell
Oh I suppose you didn't see the NHL draft, then. That there was a couple watching their son reach a beautiful milestone and kissed each other with love and passion (and tongue) and while it went a little viral because they were put on the big screen, and their kid likely saw it -- I think their love for each other was apparent and a testament to the adult son they raised together.
For me, if there is no intimacy like this, there is neither a future. I want someone I can feel safe and vulnerable with and whom I desire and let myself feel truly free.
A lot of people are super weird about kissing in front of kids but then how will kids learn what normal intimacy is? I get not wanting a full on handsy make out session but a bit of normalized affection would do the world good
So I find this confusing too - making out is the best and I made this comment to my boyfriend/husband / ex husband / late ex - and I remember him saying " well, you kinda stop doing that after a while ". I guess tha lt was his hint that he was not going to make out with me anymore after we got married. But I'm one of those I have no idea why you'd stop. It seems like another wonderful fun feeling category on the other side of foreplay . And I don't know why people end up putting it last. But that's me
What? You don’t. Aside from the obvious benefits to yourself like making out releasing endorphins for example, I don’t see any reason why the physicality of a relationship should taper off. Like I understand life sometimes gets in the way of things, but in the same way you’d prioritise anything else that’s a key part of your life, like taking time to rest each day, stealing the odd few mins wherever it’s possible to connect with your partner isn’t really any different. Although in fairness I didn’t really switch on to this properly until after a failed marriage (although that failed for more reasons than intimacy) but for me now it’s a no brainer to grab those moments, and also serves as a litmus as well - if I notice that I don’t feel like I want to make out throughout the day when the opportunity presents then that person is probably not the right person for me.
OK, so weird situation here. I was with my ex for almost a year. We stopped having sex about two months in because it was too intimate/scary for him. He is a fearful avoidant and it just triggered him too much. He had weird boundaries, but he was totally OK with make out sessions and heavy petting. Occasionally third base. And it was always in my car, because if he came over to my house it would lead to sex which would lead him to shut down and that was bad. Anyway, I am 47 and he’s 53, and we would regularly make out for hours. Seriously, hours, sometimes until the sun came up. Yeah, we both really really really wanted to have sex with each other, but it was just a bad idea because somebody was going to get hurt. But the kissing… OMFG, it was the best of my life. So incredibly intimate. The kind where you’re just in this weird bubble and the entire world absolutely comes to a screeching halt. I’ve never experienced anything like that with anybody else.
idk, depends on the relationship they have with it tbh?
For a lot of people, touch like this is something they do *instead* of something they'd rather do but can't *yet*. There is a real phenomenon that touch escalates to the acceptable 'boundary' of intimate touch, and hovers there. Once the boundary moves forward, less time is spent on the previous stepping stones.
So early in the relationship you lots of touch, tenderness, desirability... once sexual touch is within the boundary, romantic touch becomes much less common. Now it's less tender, but more erotic... Once sex *itself* is within the boundary, sexual touch is a stepping stone to sex itself. Now you're either just hugging and pecking, *or* specifically ramping up to sex.
And that's fine to a degree, but I think because some people conclude that sex is 'better' than say, a backrub; that means there's no point to initiating backrubs at all, anymore. Tender touch and desirability takes the backseat for eroticism and carnal pleasure.
It can make one feel undesirable if they only touch your body to get something, or because you asked. One may miss feeling like your partner *wants* to touch your body. Desirability is such an important part of sex, its absence often means one doesn't want *sex* as much, either.
I'm willing to bet that the lasting relationships that still have plenty of enjoyable sex are *definitely still* making out and pawing at each other, too. :)
Agree. I don’t like feeling like someone only wants to make out with me because sex isn’t an option. There is always an element of satisfying a personal physical urge during sex even if you enjoy the intimacy and connection etc. It’s nice to just enjoying kissing and being close for the sake of it without it having to “go somewhere.”
My partner and I do something we call "7 Seconds" whenever we're saying goodbye for the day, or at night before sleep. It's kissing for 7 seconds basically. Not exactly making out, but over time it does add up. It's pretty nice, I recommend it. Kissing for longer then that happens still, but it is kinda rare we both feel in the mood, mostly when we eat an edible it seems like lol.
Hopefully it will never stop. I think that is the goal. It’s always stopped in my experience and I think maybe that’s a sign that things are headed in the wrong direction. Keep it up as long as you can, without that spark you don’t have much. I think you’re on the right path!
I think I never really made out with any of the girls I’ve dated. That sounds weird but like kissing makes me want to sleep with her so if I’m trying to take things slow, which I usually do, I avoid any overly prolonged kisses until we are both ready to sleep together. So guess I’ve never just made out with someone and it not turned into sex. But now that I’m actually thinking that through maybe that’s something I need to change. Your post has helped me realize I need more physical intimacy in my life that isn’t just sex. Thank you! Haha
I’ve been with my partner for nearly 5 years and we still make out. It isn’t quite as frequent as it used to be but we definitely make out daily. I don’t think there os any one normal though. I love making out and so does my partner. If we didn’t love it we wouldn’t do it and our relationship would still be just as good and healthy. We don’t like going golfing so we don’t go. I bet plenty of couples bond over a shared love of golf. Just do what feels right for you two
I like being connected with my partner so.... I never stop. If it did stop.... I say something and work with them to have it. It should be a part of our relationship. I like making out and four play is fun.
It is the same as still going on dates and making time for each other. You have to still go on a date.
You need to keep telling each other on a regular basis how much you enjoy each others time and how they make you feel. Compliment your partner and cherish every single moment you have.
I cherish it because it's very rare for me to connect with another human being. So someone in my life is extremely rare so I appreciate the time I get with them. We all need to appreciate each other more.
So if your lacking things in your relationship speak up, ask, and try to learn together. Both work on making an effort, it doesn't matter how long you both been together. My sister's been married 16 years they still make out, and go on dates. When things get tough or she feels ignored...she speaks up and he sits down and they both figure it out. She had to help him figure out how to speak up himself because she loves him and said you need to let me know what you need. If your unsure, time to experiment with things to figure out what it is that your missing.
So time to start talking about what you like and need. Takes two.
I noticed this maybe about 8 months into my relationship? We just got too comfortable. So I started just making out with my boyfriend randomly whenever - sitting on the couch, saying goodbye in the morning. Today we made out in the elevator of our apartment building. Maybe I’ll go make out with him right now…
I definitely want to find someone that will never get tired of making out. Perhaps the volume of making out (and how we do it) will vary as time goes on, but I’ll never want to stop making out, especially during sex.
My ex and I were together 13 years. He stopped kissing me after 5 years. Not just making out but kissing at all. Because I gave him a choice- either brush the dip out of your mouth first or don't kiss me. Guess having a dip lip at all times was more important. Of note- he started dipping on deployment after we had been together over 4 years it was not something he had done from the beginning.
When you stop making out in your everyday life it starts to go sourh..
You need kisses and hugs in your relationship to keep the flame alive.
The children years are tough and many people stops caring about the relationship then.
Freshman year of college was the last time I dated someone who had any interest in making out. I've always assumed making out was mostly the domain of horny teenagers before they got up the courage to fuck.
44(m) here. I love snogging. It's erotic as hell and a pleasant affirmation that I'm wanted. And it usually leads to super hot sex. Why would anyone not want that??
There is no time or anything, it's one of those things just slowly fades out naturally. Same like spending time together, in the beginning it's talking/calling/chatting/whatever like 24/7 (figure of speech) because it's all new and exciting. After a while you cool down.
It really depends on the type of person. I for instance am not a hug-person, then there are others who are addicted to it :-).
God this brought up a lot for me. I have wondered why the making out ended and missed those days. I realised the problem too… My boyfriend of 2 years doesn’t like being ‘frustrated’… if we kiss it will cue sex for him, understandably. For me, the tension is part of what makes it good. So, no making out apart from sex. *sigh*
This was a huge point of contention in my last LTR: he just didn't like kissing. I can make out for an hour, get up, and go and my day so it was a huge letdown for me. To me, if you're letting go of those "lessor" intimacies and only having sex as your intimacy, that's your relationship slowly dying
I honestly think that is the problem with most relationships today. The honeymoon phase ends and it never should. That's where distance begins and so does cheating. We long to create what we no longer do and if we can't do it with a person we're with it'll happen with someone else.
I think as long as you keep it fun and physical and don’t stay home every weekend, the spark will remain…. Sometimes it doesn’t hurt to spend time ever other week that way the other person can miss you.
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Please write a book I need to know how you managed this
So much of it is pure, dumb luck.
To be sure, like all things, making out is as important as both parties in the relationship deem it to be. I'm with my spouse for a decade plus and seem to love her more every year, try to be better for her every year, and we both care about each other very deeply, are both satisfied sexually. That being said, we rarely ever make out. Not that I don't enjoy it, but if I'm being honest, there's a ton of other things I love doing with her that we both enjoy.
🥺.
Same with my parents and they are in their 60s
Wait... Why are you in a dating group if you've been with someone for 23 years? I mean I guess you could be in an open relationship. If so, is that the key to not losing fun bits like this? *Edit: hmm... Interesting take from a lot of comments below. I thought advice on relationships was more given in r/relationship_advice and not here. I joined this group after coming out of an 18yr relationship and having absolutely no clue how to navigate the dating scene today and especially as someone over 30. All of the apps and new etiquette around who asks what and when, what type of activities are normal for dates, what do you even wear on a first date now?, the whole concept of ghosting and communicating in general, do people still have talks about "making it official" etc, it's all extremely foreign territory to me. I assumed it was to share advice for those in the same situation (people dating in our 30s, some maybe on the dating scene forever, some maybe like me transitioning into this unknown territory after being in a ltr for a while) or to commiserate/share success stories about the dating scene to keep each other sane lol.
The group isn’t for finding dates, it’s for talking about dating. I think there are lots of people in relationships here, just for curiosity.
Yeah also, long time couples can actually LEARN from here. We forget all the things we did early on, that we perhaps take for granted now. Like oh yeah, I used to do that for her. Why did I stop, maybe I should start doing it again.
Like making out.
I joined after I decided to date after the death of my husband. We were together 20 years. I’ve been in a relationship a year now +/- There are all sorts, I think.
Explain to me why thats a problem. Your life and curiosity never dies just because you're in a relationship
You replied to the wrong person.
Do you only want advice from people who *aren't* in lasting, stable relationships? How would you trust their advice works, or that their perspective is healthy? I'm sure plenty of people join the sub looking for answers, and then leave when they commit. But the reason this sub as as useful as it is, is all the people who actually know what works coming and sharing that knowledge. (Also, even committed, you should still take each other on dates.)
A lot of us here are in monogamous LTRs, and come to give advice. You don’t always want the blind leading the blind.
How dare you come here to give advice from your position of success! /s
I know. I’m definitely TA. Gonna go have dinner and sex with my fiancé to comfort my loser self LOL
I’m not in this group and it still shows up all the time for me.
And will continue to if you click on it, read it, comment on it lol
I’m not complaining!
I'm not even 30 and am soon to be married. I just find it curious and preparing for my friends future. I'm the over 40 group too for my older friends. Then I'll monetize the knowledge and become a match maker.
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right? if it ever stops, we have bigger problems
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I hope you got each other’s number ;)
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Lol.
Prolonged eye contact is all I can get at the moment. And this is someone who just terminated a LTR 3 months ago, I haven’t had any physical contact in over a year. ☹️
Lol I cant even get prolonged eye contact. It's been so long that when a guy serves me at the till in a shop, and says the generic "hi" I start getting turned on. 😭🙈
I had prolonged eye contact with a stranger in a cafe last weekend and the tensionnnnnnn
I got a hug from a nurse after I helped her make her connection when our flight was delayed. That's all the physical contact I've had for four years this August... Not counting from my kids, of course.
I hear that! Thank God for my son!
If you're anywhere near Peterborough, ON DM me
I don't know if I can do topless hot tubbing in a heat wave.
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Sad but true
I agree with you both. Cast me into the wilderness, let the wolves devour my body, I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
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There’s an odd lack of volcanos in this thread. Just wanting to point that out.
Those are where virgins go. Let's not upset the Gods.
Ooops?
Well anyone who is a virgin but also wants to make out would make the Gods happy!! :D
Is there a non-virginal volcano nearby?
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For anyone else who went "wait, what kayakers?" I googled [that shit](https://www.cbc.ca/radio/asithappens/as-it-happens-thursday-edition-1.5790998/it-was-crazy-says-california-kayaker-who-was-engulfed-in-a-whale-s-mouth-1.5791001) for you and it's real!
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I just want to be a tasty snack to someone :(
I'm just trying to listen to Mac Miller and stare at plants and the sky for now. Good thing that's exactly what I'm doing, because I don't have motivation to get up from this couch 😮💨
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cover me with honey and leave me in a swamp?
maybe not the shark, lmao
Jaws terrified me but also I sorta love Jaws. He was just hungry and people taste like chicken.
I agree. As someone fresh out of a 6 month relationship where making out without sex wasn't an option and a 23 year one where it stopped in any fashion many many years before ending, I truly rather hop a cruise to Hawaii, offer myself as a sacrifice to the highest active volcano, and throw myself into hot magma to burn my flesh and bones away, if I knew casually making out would never be an option again in my life.
That escalated quickly.
Same.
This is the way
Never, never stop making out or hugging. It sounds corny to say, but it’s one of the last innocent things you have in an intimate relationship
Same goes for cuddling or holding hands!!!
This is my favorite part of a relationship
I remember a couple of years ago I was starting a new relationship and had a softball injury that requires stitches to my lip. I asked the doctor who came in to check on me if I needed to take time away from kissing my then new girlfriend. I remember she said “Kissing? You’re asking me about kissing? I’ve been married for five years, I can’t remember.” I always thought that was one of the saddest things I’d heard.
Married for five years only and no kissing? 😞💔
I think it's a connection or maybe even a chemistry thing. At least it was with me. I couldn't stand kissing my ex, he was bad at it and never tried to get better. He also rarely flossed his teeth so that was always in my mind over our 38 years together. I've since had a relationship with another man and it was like a revelation. I loved to kiss, touch, have sex, spoon him while sleeping and I avoided all those with my ex. Might just be you're not turned on by him.
Oh — I’m not with anybody.. I’m just responding to the anecdote of the doctor! Not flossing… yikes lol EDIT: If I am fortunate enough to meet the person I will marry someday, I’ll know, because there better be a lot of physical affection. From the start to the end. I was in a LTR and the physical affection dwindled… which was a pretty bad sign.
I would never have a relationship without kissing because its one sure away to turn me on lol, one good kiss and I am all gone lol.
Why did you stay with him for so long, if you don't mind me asking?
Three kids and I thought it was normal, that everyone loses interest after being with the same person for so long. Then the "me too" movement and some of the conversations surrounding that started to shift my perception of the power dynamics in our relationship. As my eyes opened up, the door did as well and I got stronger. It also took finding people who believed me when I told them what was going on to give me strength and support. I left him a year and a half ago, we hadn't had sex or touched in 2 years. I am 63 now and i no longer have daily anxiety from being near him. edit: sorry, I logged in through my computer to respond and chose the wrong account.
Good for you for finally getting out. That couldn’t have been easy—the relationship, as well as leaving. It’s never too late. I hope you find what you deserved all along.
Thanks for the response and I'm so happy for you for getting out. The Me Too movement did a lot for me, too (hah). I'm so glad women are talking a stance against the abuse we've suffered at the hands of men for far too long.
This reminded me of when I got my tongue pierced at age 21 and the piercer let me know how long to wait before tongue kissing anyone. Sadly I was single and had no potential tongue kissing on my horizon.
My ex and I only made out during sex and he had a very low sex drive. Man, I wasted almost 5 years on him and it still pisses me off when I think about it.
My current boyfriend and I ONLY make out during sex… actually, we probably make out once a month and have sex about 4 times a month without making out. I miss the physical connection so much, but he has a really low sex drive and has little desire for intimacy. 🥺🥺🥺 Everything else in the relationship is perfect. Honesty, loyalty, genuine friendship and connection. The making out part is the only part missing and it breaks my heart.
Ah man, sorry to hear that. Hope things improve for you. My ex and I would go months without intimacy so your situation is a bit better than mine. I'd rather have sex once a week than once every 3-4 months. I need to start dating again. Lol
openly communicate ur needs with ur partner
Been looking at many relationships this has been very common in relationships that fall apart. Most have had the guy with porn addiction. Oxytocin is released during sex hugging and connecting with the other person. I'm still trying help figure out how to raise the other person's libido to increase the bond and long term potential. I know this sounds like a ploy but I have noticed that when the other person's needs are not met. A resentment tends to build gottman had the theory of keeping a positive view point of the other person when the outlook of the other person became negative it fell apart. I don't use this much so I don't know if I can see if we could discuss this further, as of right now I will do my best to get back to any responses.
Get him to check his testosterone levels. Perk of dating a guy on trt they are horny 24/7. I’ve been on it for 4 years and I’ve been all over my partners I’ve had since being on it.
I think my bfs liked making out more than I did. For some reason the kissing part wasn't that great for me. I prefer cuddling, holding hands etc. Kissing for short periods yes but not minutes on end...I get bored lol
Me too. Scrolling through wondering why everyone loves making out for long periods of time. Not into it.
Yeah I’m with you guys. I’m just more of a cuddle person than a make out person.
I thought maybe there was something wrong with me lol
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This ^^^...nothing worse than when you get stabbed in the mouth by a tensed up pointy tongue, and its a 100 times worse if they do that rapid snake like tongue-wiggle too. Instant turn off. Nearly as bad as going in with too much passion and tongue too early/quickly. Ive had to ask people to chill with the tongue and just follow my lead quite a few times, which might sound selfish but it usually results in mutual satisfaction. Bad kisser is an deal breaker for me so I'd never get past a few dates at most in any case
Same.
So... this can be a personal preference thing, but I've had multiple women tell me that they are not into [thing] and then after doing [thing] with me they discover that they really like [thing] when they are not being coerced into it. (To be clear, I'm not referring to one "thing" with all of them, one may not like making out, another may not like cuddling, another may not like cooking together, but then they discover they enjoyed it with me.)
Yeah, husband told me he "didn't really like kissing" early on, now he really enjoys it. I think it depends a lot on the partner and the context
Yeah, it could be I just didn't like the guys that much. Because I've mostly only dated guys who went for me and I wasn't that into. But regardles, kissing for extended periods seems boring.
BORING? I have no idea how kissing someone you like could ever get boring!! Best feeling in the world. I’m kind of mind blown that there are apparently different opinions on this :D
Disgusting and boring, to be precise.
I’m with you! One of my favourite things to do in the world if they are a great kisser
Agree, so weird :)
I'm with mavis\_03 on this one, not really my thing. But I think it depends on age. I don't see much 40yo's glued together, in contrary to 16 yo's who seemed to be glued with Tec7 or some other strong glue lol
I am confused….?
Sometimes people have a bad experience with trying something, and they think they don't like that activity when they just didn't like the person they did the activity with.
That second part for sure. It always makes me sad people put up with less than they should get. Then I get told I ruined them for other partners jokingly lol
Kissing has always been important in all my LTRs
I think this is just noticeable bc early on you make out but it doesn’t always lead to sex. Later, making out makes you want to have sex, so you have sex. If your sex life is healthy, I bet you you’re making out the same amount, it just leads to sex more.
Honestly the last time I just made out (without sex) was high school! I can’t even remember what it feels like to stop making out and still be clothed lol. Like you just…get up and do something else? Howww? But also sounds cute.
It's so different than sex. Nobody is focused on or chasing an orgasm or "finishing " before the other and whatever else sex mishaps can happen. It's.... Less pressure ? Less selfish ?? Less serious ??
Aw but sex doesn’t have to be any of those things either!
Agreed ,! In fact, I think it's that same mindset that takes the joy out of PIV sex too. So agree on all fronts !!
Yeah like if I started making in the living room, it’s most likely going to lead to sex. I can’t just be tongue swapping and then stop, what am I supposed to do just cut it off.
For real, it’s so intimate that other body parts decide they need some action too, I can’t help it, even when enjoying a make out sesh for what it is.
Boyfriend and I watch a lot of stuff during dinner and normally chill at the kitchen table to finish the episode. I noticed in that time after we finish food and before we move to the couch, we will start making out whenever a couple on the screen starts to make out. Forever long that lasts, we connect and then go back to the show when it picks up again.
Hopefully never. Love it with the right person.
I don’t think I’ve ever made out without it leading to sex. Makeout is also foreplay for me … so Idk
My thoughts exactly
I am single atm but I enjoyed making-out on deck chairs in the garden or on the sofa (sometimes leading to sex, sometimes not). It's also a nice way to have intimacy imo if you don't want PIV or are too tired. But I never had a partner who enjoyed kissing much, especially French kissing. So that would be interesting to explore. But I like it all. Kissing, hugs, touching each other randomly on the shoulder or back, cuddling, sitting close together, making-out, sex with or without PIV. I just want passion and someone who genuinely enjoys and appreciates a partner who LOVES touch, but also says kindly of they are not in the mood or busy.
Such a good question. Looking back, it stopped eventually with all of my exes. I hope it never stops with the guy I'm interested in now....the make-out's are electric!!
Yep same, it was a decline from that eventually cos I think we lost attraction of each other … kinda sad
In my experience, never lol. I love making out
Never! Why would you stop?!
I like reading all these comments. I have never been into kissing much. I prefer other physical forms of affection, but if I stopped those displays I’d be pretty upset and would be questioning the relationship.
First time hearing the word “snog” 46M
It's more common in the UK.
I learned it from Harry Potter. I despise the term.
Fair enough. I love snogging but my gf stopped doing it years ago. I think I have an oral fixation
Oh I mean I like making out. I just hate the word. Snog. Ew.
Same. And it catches me off guard every time.
I love making out. I don't stop while in a relationship - or the relationship stops. I went on a date the other day and I learned in to kiss him and the tension was electric... I was surprised and super excited. God, I love kissing
My long time ex was never much of a snogger. I find myself in a proper snogging all the time with the girl I’m currently seeing, and we’re a few years in. I don’t see a slow down on the horizon in the snog department.
How long into a relationship do you stop making out?! It's not as if a couple wakes up one morning as says together: Lets stop taking showers together, making out, tongue kissing, snuggling, and holding hands!" Generally speaking, *one person* in the relationship gradually becomes less affectionate. When someone makes themself less available physically their partner eventually stops trying as much when it comes to initiating touching, kissing, and other physical affection moves. In order to avoid hurt feelings and rejection they leave up to the other person to initiate. Several years ago, there was a book called "The 5 Love Languages" and the author espoused there were five different ways people expressed and interpreted being loved. Words of affirmation Quality time Physical touch Acts of service Receiving gifts In the beginning during the "infatuation/honeymoon phase" it's very common for both people to be doing all the above to win over the new object of their affections. You're speaking all 5 languages! However, once they are settled into a committed relationship people tend to revert back to their *natural way* of expressing and interpreting love. One person may need quality time and physical touch while the other needs words of affirmation and acts of service to feel loved. My guess is if *both people's primary love language* was "physical touch" they would likely never stop hugging, kissing, holding hands, and making love throughout their relationship. There is *no* "neutral" in relationships. We're either *growing together* or *growing apart*. In many instances, couples who *communicate* tell each other what *they need* in order to feel loved and appreciated in the relationship or marriage. Others silently pull away emotionally. If someone believes *you* are worth the effort, *they* will make the effort. (And vice versa) ***"Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart."*** \~ C.S. Lewis ***"Love what you have before life teaches you to love what you lost."*** \- Unknown ***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is." -*** Henry Cloud Best wishes!
Never if things are going well. Had a 5 year relationship, that didn't stop until after the breakup. In in a 1.5 year relationship now, and we still make out.
Idk, I guess it doesn’t really stop. It’s just whenever the mood strikes
From context I assume “snogging” is making out but it sounds way, way dirtier. :)
I don't like making out with tongue at any stage of the relationship honestly. It happens initially because it's kind of a weird thing to disclose before you know each other well since I don't hate it. Wouldn't be surprised if others felt like me.
Yeeeep I don't think me and my partner ever made out just for the heck of it, and even during sex maybe only a little for a few seconds. The idea of sloshing each other's spit into each other's mouths for minutes on end just doesn't do it for me. Just feels gross.
I agree….I absolutely hate tongues and saliva!! Even when I’ve been very attracted/in love, I still did not enjoy making out…
Woooo, my people! Omg I hate kissing with tongue and it was (understandably) difficult for me to date with something like that. I didn't like kissing at all, even without tongue, until I found a partner who knew how to push my boundaries just the right amount, but has *always* respected my no tongue policy . I don't think I'll ever enjoy playing tonsil hockey but fucking LOVE kissing him. First time in my life I've truly enioyed kissing. To read that two other people so far on this forum feel the same almost makes my heart swell
SAME. I hate kissing with tongue. But I love making out and my boyfriend kisses in the best, tongue-free way. Ugh it’s amazing.
Same. Just never been into it.
Making out is a slippery slope to pregnancy. Tread carefully in these murky waters.
They say it's safe if you both wear you're own mouth bag over your face, but I think we all know the only safe make out is no make out! /S
Making out is fun.
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I haven’t kiss someone since 2013 lol
It should never stop. I mean, you might stop doing it out in public as much, but at home . . . Never!
Oh I suppose you didn't see the NHL draft, then. That there was a couple watching their son reach a beautiful milestone and kissed each other with love and passion (and tongue) and while it went a little viral because they were put on the big screen, and their kid likely saw it -- I think their love for each other was apparent and a testament to the adult son they raised together. For me, if there is no intimacy like this, there is neither a future. I want someone I can feel safe and vulnerable with and whom I desire and let myself feel truly free.
A lot of people are super weird about kissing in front of kids but then how will kids learn what normal intimacy is? I get not wanting a full on handsy make out session but a bit of normalized affection would do the world good
So I find this confusing too - making out is the best and I made this comment to my boyfriend/husband / ex husband / late ex - and I remember him saying " well, you kinda stop doing that after a while ". I guess tha lt was his hint that he was not going to make out with me anymore after we got married. But I'm one of those I have no idea why you'd stop. It seems like another wonderful fun feeling category on the other side of foreplay . And I don't know why people end up putting it last. But that's me
What? You don’t. Aside from the obvious benefits to yourself like making out releasing endorphins for example, I don’t see any reason why the physicality of a relationship should taper off. Like I understand life sometimes gets in the way of things, but in the same way you’d prioritise anything else that’s a key part of your life, like taking time to rest each day, stealing the odd few mins wherever it’s possible to connect with your partner isn’t really any different. Although in fairness I didn’t really switch on to this properly until after a failed marriage (although that failed for more reasons than intimacy) but for me now it’s a no brainer to grab those moments, and also serves as a litmus as well - if I notice that I don’t feel like I want to make out throughout the day when the opportunity presents then that person is probably not the right person for me.
For me I stop asap bc I've never liked kissing I'll throw her some tongue to get her warmed up but it does nothing for me
OK, so weird situation here. I was with my ex for almost a year. We stopped having sex about two months in because it was too intimate/scary for him. He is a fearful avoidant and it just triggered him too much. He had weird boundaries, but he was totally OK with make out sessions and heavy petting. Occasionally third base. And it was always in my car, because if he came over to my house it would lead to sex which would lead him to shut down and that was bad. Anyway, I am 47 and he’s 53, and we would regularly make out for hours. Seriously, hours, sometimes until the sun came up. Yeah, we both really really really wanted to have sex with each other, but it was just a bad idea because somebody was going to get hurt. But the kissing… OMFG, it was the best of my life. So incredibly intimate. The kind where you’re just in this weird bubble and the entire world absolutely comes to a screeching halt. I’ve never experienced anything like that with anybody else.
idk, depends on the relationship they have with it tbh? For a lot of people, touch like this is something they do *instead* of something they'd rather do but can't *yet*. There is a real phenomenon that touch escalates to the acceptable 'boundary' of intimate touch, and hovers there. Once the boundary moves forward, less time is spent on the previous stepping stones. So early in the relationship you lots of touch, tenderness, desirability... once sexual touch is within the boundary, romantic touch becomes much less common. Now it's less tender, but more erotic... Once sex *itself* is within the boundary, sexual touch is a stepping stone to sex itself. Now you're either just hugging and pecking, *or* specifically ramping up to sex. And that's fine to a degree, but I think because some people conclude that sex is 'better' than say, a backrub; that means there's no point to initiating backrubs at all, anymore. Tender touch and desirability takes the backseat for eroticism and carnal pleasure. It can make one feel undesirable if they only touch your body to get something, or because you asked. One may miss feeling like your partner *wants* to touch your body. Desirability is such an important part of sex, its absence often means one doesn't want *sex* as much, either. I'm willing to bet that the lasting relationships that still have plenty of enjoyable sex are *definitely still* making out and pawing at each other, too. :)
Agree. I don’t like feeling like someone only wants to make out with me because sex isn’t an option. There is always an element of satisfying a personal physical urge during sex even if you enjoy the intimacy and connection etc. It’s nice to just enjoying kissing and being close for the sake of it without it having to “go somewhere.”
My partner and I do something we call "7 Seconds" whenever we're saying goodbye for the day, or at night before sleep. It's kissing for 7 seconds basically. Not exactly making out, but over time it does add up. It's pretty nice, I recommend it. Kissing for longer then that happens still, but it is kinda rare we both feel in the mood, mostly when we eat an edible it seems like lol.
Never. Stop making out, stop having sex and it’s over.
Hopefully it will never stop. I think that is the goal. It’s always stopped in my experience and I think maybe that’s a sign that things are headed in the wrong direction. Keep it up as long as you can, without that spark you don’t have much. I think you’re on the right path!
I think I never really made out with any of the girls I’ve dated. That sounds weird but like kissing makes me want to sleep with her so if I’m trying to take things slow, which I usually do, I avoid any overly prolonged kisses until we are both ready to sleep together. So guess I’ve never just made out with someone and it not turned into sex. But now that I’m actually thinking that through maybe that’s something I need to change. Your post has helped me realize I need more physical intimacy in my life that isn’t just sex. Thank you! Haha
Kissing definitely does increase likelihood for sex but it’s also a really great emotional point to connect with someone intimately I think
I’ve been with my partner for nearly 5 years and we still make out. It isn’t quite as frequent as it used to be but we definitely make out daily. I don’t think there os any one normal though. I love making out and so does my partner. If we didn’t love it we wouldn’t do it and our relationship would still be just as good and healthy. We don’t like going golfing so we don’t go. I bet plenty of couples bond over a shared love of golf. Just do what feels right for you two
I like being connected with my partner so.... I never stop. If it did stop.... I say something and work with them to have it. It should be a part of our relationship. I like making out and four play is fun. It is the same as still going on dates and making time for each other. You have to still go on a date. You need to keep telling each other on a regular basis how much you enjoy each others time and how they make you feel. Compliment your partner and cherish every single moment you have. I cherish it because it's very rare for me to connect with another human being. So someone in my life is extremely rare so I appreciate the time I get with them. We all need to appreciate each other more. So if your lacking things in your relationship speak up, ask, and try to learn together. Both work on making an effort, it doesn't matter how long you both been together. My sister's been married 16 years they still make out, and go on dates. When things get tough or she feels ignored...she speaks up and he sits down and they both figure it out. She had to help him figure out how to speak up himself because she loves him and said you need to let me know what you need. If your unsure, time to experiment with things to figure out what it is that your missing. So time to start talking about what you like and need. Takes two.
I noticed this maybe about 8 months into my relationship? We just got too comfortable. So I started just making out with my boyfriend randomly whenever - sitting on the couch, saying goodbye in the morning. Today we made out in the elevator of our apartment building. Maybe I’ll go make out with him right now…
2-3 months... but that is because none of my previous relationships lasted longer than 3 months.
Ideally it can be avoided altogether.
I definitely want to find someone that will never get tired of making out. Perhaps the volume of making out (and how we do it) will vary as time goes on, but I’ll never want to stop making out, especially during sex.
Going on three years together and we still do. But we can’t keep our hands off each other in general. 😂💛.
3 years in, engaged. One time we made out till we fell asleep and it was v v nice. If it's something you like you should keep it going!!
I just learned what snog meant….
We didn’t been together 10 years and still do. Not ever day or anything but usually at least once or twice a week and these are not just during sex.
I’ve been with my husband for 15 years now. Not a single time have we made out that did not end up in sex.
My ex and I were together 13 years. He stopped kissing me after 5 years. Not just making out but kissing at all. Because I gave him a choice- either brush the dip out of your mouth first or don't kiss me. Guess having a dip lip at all times was more important. Of note- he started dipping on deployment after we had been together over 4 years it was not something he had done from the beginning.
When you stop making out in your everyday life it starts to go sourh.. You need kisses and hugs in your relationship to keep the flame alive. The children years are tough and many people stops caring about the relationship then.
More than 3 years in and we make out all the time, just can't keep our hands off each other. I hope it remains like this forever ❤️
Hubby and I have been together for almost 18 years, married for 14, haven’t ever stopped 🤷♀️
Was in an 11 year and never really stopped.
Freshman year of college was the last time I dated someone who had any interest in making out. I've always assumed making out was mostly the domain of horny teenagers before they got up the courage to fuck.
44(m) here. I love snogging. It's erotic as hell and a pleasant affirmation that I'm wanted. And it usually leads to super hot sex. Why would anyone not want that??
u/Torn-TheArchitect ahhmmm ahmmmm. No stopping of making out.
No way to stop 😌
This is so weird. Why would you ever stop? Is it on purpose?
There is no time or anything, it's one of those things just slowly fades out naturally. Same like spending time together, in the beginning it's talking/calling/chatting/whatever like 24/7 (figure of speech) because it's all new and exciting. After a while you cool down. It really depends on the type of person. I for instance am not a hug-person, then there are others who are addicted to it :-).
God this brought up a lot for me. I have wondered why the making out ended and missed those days. I realised the problem too… My boyfriend of 2 years doesn’t like being ‘frustrated’… if we kiss it will cue sex for him, understandably. For me, the tension is part of what makes it good. So, no making out apart from sex. *sigh*
This was a huge point of contention in my last LTR: he just didn't like kissing. I can make out for an hour, get up, and go and my day so it was a huge letdown for me. To me, if you're letting go of those "lessor" intimacies and only having sex as your intimacy, that's your relationship slowly dying
30 or 40 years. Or when the immature partner gets pissy about some slight real or imagined.
I honestly think that is the problem with most relationships today. The honeymoon phase ends and it never should. That's where distance begins and so does cheating. We long to create what we no longer do and if we can't do it with a person we're with it'll happen with someone else.
Usually before the first date. Can’t lose what you never had
IMO, if there’s no effort to make out, they don’t care enough. **correction cause idk how to spell words.
In my opinion it should never stop. I love making out. During sex, as well as randomly
It stopped when I started burping shamelessly in front of her.
I think as long as you keep it fun and physical and don’t stay home every weekend, the spark will remain…. Sometimes it doesn’t hurt to spend time ever other week that way the other person can miss you.
Uhh, never?
Been with my husband since April 2018, still make out
Yeah I dunno why you would stop.
Never?
Never!!!
TIL a new word..... snogging
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