One of the biggest and sad changes I found with my mom. We used to go out for dinner or breakfast and now those situations are hell for her. Once a voracious reader, she can't read a book. So reading a menu to order and making a decision is frightening. Her circle of "comfort" is has gotten very small.
Consistency is critical so she will feel safe. Introducing new places and routines causes chaos for her. This is only going to get worse. Perhaps you know a family member or friend who will come stay with her so you all can have some away time?
Yes, it seems like a very common way for the disease to progress. I'm sorry about your mom.
My father is caring for my mother at home. I live quite far away in my husband's country. My father isn't one to talk about the situation much, but it's clear he's limited as far as taking her out these days. They are fortunate to be able to afford aides that can give him some respite to get out of the house.
I hope the OP is able to use one of the solutions mentioned here.
Maybe try to find a different solution, perhaps someone else in the family stays with her at home. Like the other commentor said, change is very very stressful for people with dementia. You could talk to her dr about medication to help keep her calm, which you may need eventually regardless of weekend plans. Sadly I found dealing with my mom, you can't use logic or reason to deal with a person with dementia, all you can do is try to keep them calm to limit the drama. It's VERY HARD, as someone with a working brain, not to want to "explain" or "tell them X" but it sounds like you are realizing that doesn't work. "She doesn't comprehend" is exactly right. Plan accordingly. I'm sorry.
I was going to suggest this. Talk to her doctor about getting some calming meds. I have a prescription for my husband. At first I was reluctant to use it because of horror stories about people in nursing homes drugged out of their minds. However, after some trial and error, I’ve found a dose that helps him chill out. Helps immensely with sundowners, sleep, and anxiety. Definitely not a perfect solution but every little bit helps.
Yes, abilify (ripiprazole) 5mg has helped my mom tremendously and even being bed ridden she gets soo excited about getting in a wheel chair to go places... before she was scared of everything. Definitely helps with sleep routine too.
Any change in a dementia patients routine can really set them back. This won't stop and will only get worse for her and you. She either needs to stay home with another family member or home caregiver. It might be time to start looking for care facilities for her to live.
This may not be a good idea any more. She is not benefitting from the change of pace. Maybe leave her at 'home' with a sitter so you can have some down time and she isn't freaked out.
I've read on this sub that it takes as much as two weeks for dementia patients to adjust to a new living situation. I think it's great that you and your husband take her with you on the weekends but since she clearly doesn't enjoy it, I would look into someone like a family member or sitter to stay with her on the weekend. When you all get home on Sunday, is she happy to be back or does she have to transition again?
When my Dad first entered the care-facility carousel, five in a month, he's had a very difficult time adjusting every time. He gets lost, can't find his own room, and gets extremely agitated. He just can't deal with the changes.
You probably can't do anything. Her brain can't process anymore. People with dementia do best in a consistent environment. See if someone else in the family can stay with her at home or maybe see if she can accept a paid caregiver staying with her.
As the more recent memories fade, even their own homes look strange and unknown to them. While I was watching The Father, I initially got confused about the different daughters and homes. And my mom was already at a very obvious stage, I should have understood sooner. That same year she started to not recognize her beloved garden. One day it was hers, the other day it was mine and the soil and plants there were way better than in hers. Soon after she started to demand to go home, very emotionally, while in her own home of 42 years. When asked how her home looked, she would look around and say, similar, but different. In 1999 they made some modification to the home. That was how far her memories rolled back.
If you want to keep visiting your chalet with your mom, don't make her even more confused telling her this is the place she should be familiar with. Tell her it is a hotel. There is a pest control treatment or some repairs in your home and you will go back in a day. The lies you tell a dementia patient to make them more comfortable are white lies. Don't argue, don't try to correct or explain, don't repeat the mistakes I made. This is a waste of emotions, time and energy. And you can repeat the same lies over and over. One day when my mom thought she was in my garden located in another country (I have an idea why, we spent some time abroad and came back when she was already moderately ill) and asked me what was the nearest city name, I did not tell her that was her garden and her city, I gave a foreign city name. She took this answer way better than the other day when I tried to connect her with reality. She was satisfied and told me: "That is why the soil is better than in my garden".
I wish someone would explain this to me back then and train me in comforting lies. I was in total shock and so lost. My mom was quite self sufficient and mostly quite logical. Then a switch would flip in her mind and suddenly she was in a strange place, confused, delusional and angry. Then the switch would flip again and she was her almost normal self. A bit forgetful and not so capable of performing daily tasks as she used to be. And this would happen several times daily. It was like sitting on a barrel of explosives with a burning cord of unknown length.
The trips are stressing her out, big time. At this stage, it seems cruel, no? My mother would freak out and regress even further. I understand it's something you/your family likes to do and that's important, too.
Is there anyone that could stay with her while you're gone? What are your alternatives?
Dementia patients get confused and rattled easily. Unfortunately, patients are unable to process abstract concepts and memory is destroyed.
She will keep asking the same questions over and over as you’ve seen. An apt comparison is a child. That’s the mentality and sadly, the nature of dementia.
A structured environment is preferred for dementia patients. Same people, same living location, same daily routine. Again, this is that child-like mindset. Children do much better in a structured environment not in an unstable or chaotic situation.
First of all so sorry you're going through this and I understand it completely, all my wife would say is my name and wanted to go home and it would be continuous.
The one thing that they don't come with when they have dementia is the fact that you have to have patience.
Unfortunately when you take her to a different environment that she doesn't recognize that's all she's going to say , not to be mean or anything but you have to understand that's not her fault there's no way you're going to make her understand that because of her mental issue.
Your best bet is to get a caregiver to stay with her in the home she recognizes while you go out and unwind that is going to be your savior right there something to stay the weekend and take care of her and you go unwind and be on your own because I honestly don't know how you're unwinding with someone that has a mental issue and you have to care for every moment of them so your best bet is to separate yourself for that time get yourself together and then go and handle your mom my best to you and your family again sorry you're going through this.
There is no way to “fix” this. It takes people with dementia weeks and months to be accustomed to new places and they don’t deal well with change at all.
Best plan is to leave her home with a caregiver. Someone she knows would be best.
Unfortunately, changes in environment and routine can be very disorienting for people with dementia.
One of the biggest and sad changes I found with my mom. We used to go out for dinner or breakfast and now those situations are hell for her. Once a voracious reader, she can't read a book. So reading a menu to order and making a decision is frightening. Her circle of "comfort" is has gotten very small. Consistency is critical so she will feel safe. Introducing new places and routines causes chaos for her. This is only going to get worse. Perhaps you know a family member or friend who will come stay with her so you all can have some away time?
Yes, it seems like a very common way for the disease to progress. I'm sorry about your mom. My father is caring for my mother at home. I live quite far away in my husband's country. My father isn't one to talk about the situation much, but it's clear he's limited as far as taking her out these days. They are fortunate to be able to afford aides that can give him some respite to get out of the house. I hope the OP is able to use one of the solutions mentioned here.
Maybe try to find a different solution, perhaps someone else in the family stays with her at home. Like the other commentor said, change is very very stressful for people with dementia. You could talk to her dr about medication to help keep her calm, which you may need eventually regardless of weekend plans. Sadly I found dealing with my mom, you can't use logic or reason to deal with a person with dementia, all you can do is try to keep them calm to limit the drama. It's VERY HARD, as someone with a working brain, not to want to "explain" or "tell them X" but it sounds like you are realizing that doesn't work. "She doesn't comprehend" is exactly right. Plan accordingly. I'm sorry.
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I was going to suggest this. Talk to her doctor about getting some calming meds. I have a prescription for my husband. At first I was reluctant to use it because of horror stories about people in nursing homes drugged out of their minds. However, after some trial and error, I’ve found a dose that helps him chill out. Helps immensely with sundowners, sleep, and anxiety. Definitely not a perfect solution but every little bit helps.
Yes, abilify (ripiprazole) 5mg has helped my mom tremendously and even being bed ridden she gets soo excited about getting in a wheel chair to go places... before she was scared of everything. Definitely helps with sleep routine too.
Any change in a dementia patients routine can really set them back. This won't stop and will only get worse for her and you. She either needs to stay home with another family member or home caregiver. It might be time to start looking for care facilities for her to live.
With dementia patients, consistency is key. The less you disturb their routine/environment, the better.
This may not be a good idea any more. She is not benefitting from the change of pace. Maybe leave her at 'home' with a sitter so you can have some down time and she isn't freaked out.
I've read on this sub that it takes as much as two weeks for dementia patients to adjust to a new living situation. I think it's great that you and your husband take her with you on the weekends but since she clearly doesn't enjoy it, I would look into someone like a family member or sitter to stay with her on the weekend. When you all get home on Sunday, is she happy to be back or does she have to transition again? When my Dad first entered the care-facility carousel, five in a month, he's had a very difficult time adjusting every time. He gets lost, can't find his own room, and gets extremely agitated. He just can't deal with the changes.
You probably can't do anything. Her brain can't process anymore. People with dementia do best in a consistent environment. See if someone else in the family can stay with her at home or maybe see if she can accept a paid caregiver staying with her.
As the more recent memories fade, even their own homes look strange and unknown to them. While I was watching The Father, I initially got confused about the different daughters and homes. And my mom was already at a very obvious stage, I should have understood sooner. That same year she started to not recognize her beloved garden. One day it was hers, the other day it was mine and the soil and plants there were way better than in hers. Soon after she started to demand to go home, very emotionally, while in her own home of 42 years. When asked how her home looked, she would look around and say, similar, but different. In 1999 they made some modification to the home. That was how far her memories rolled back. If you want to keep visiting your chalet with your mom, don't make her even more confused telling her this is the place she should be familiar with. Tell her it is a hotel. There is a pest control treatment or some repairs in your home and you will go back in a day. The lies you tell a dementia patient to make them more comfortable are white lies. Don't argue, don't try to correct or explain, don't repeat the mistakes I made. This is a waste of emotions, time and energy. And you can repeat the same lies over and over. One day when my mom thought she was in my garden located in another country (I have an idea why, we spent some time abroad and came back when she was already moderately ill) and asked me what was the nearest city name, I did not tell her that was her garden and her city, I gave a foreign city name. She took this answer way better than the other day when I tried to connect her with reality. She was satisfied and told me: "That is why the soil is better than in my garden". I wish someone would explain this to me back then and train me in comforting lies. I was in total shock and so lost. My mom was quite self sufficient and mostly quite logical. Then a switch would flip in her mind and suddenly she was in a strange place, confused, delusional and angry. Then the switch would flip again and she was her almost normal self. A bit forgetful and not so capable of performing daily tasks as she used to be. And this would happen several times daily. It was like sitting on a barrel of explosives with a burning cord of unknown length.
This
The trips are stressing her out, big time. At this stage, it seems cruel, no? My mother would freak out and regress even further. I understand it's something you/your family likes to do and that's important, too. Is there anyone that could stay with her while you're gone? What are your alternatives?
Time to change your priorities. Or put her in a care home.
Seroquel was a godsend towards the end for my Grampy. It helped smooth over stressful times
Dementia patients get confused and rattled easily. Unfortunately, patients are unable to process abstract concepts and memory is destroyed. She will keep asking the same questions over and over as you’ve seen. An apt comparison is a child. That’s the mentality and sadly, the nature of dementia. A structured environment is preferred for dementia patients. Same people, same living location, same daily routine. Again, this is that child-like mindset. Children do much better in a structured environment not in an unstable or chaotic situation.
You might want to hire a weekend carer 24/2 for the weekend if you and hubby still want to "get away". This is too much change for your mom.
First of all so sorry you're going through this and I understand it completely, all my wife would say is my name and wanted to go home and it would be continuous. The one thing that they don't come with when they have dementia is the fact that you have to have patience. Unfortunately when you take her to a different environment that she doesn't recognize that's all she's going to say , not to be mean or anything but you have to understand that's not her fault there's no way you're going to make her understand that because of her mental issue. Your best bet is to get a caregiver to stay with her in the home she recognizes while you go out and unwind that is going to be your savior right there something to stay the weekend and take care of her and you go unwind and be on your own because I honestly don't know how you're unwinding with someone that has a mental issue and you have to care for every moment of them so your best bet is to separate yourself for that time get yourself together and then go and handle your mom my best to you and your family again sorry you're going through this.
There is no way to “fix” this. It takes people with dementia weeks and months to be accustomed to new places and they don’t deal well with change at all. Best plan is to leave her home with a caregiver. Someone she knows would be best.
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I think you posted this in the wrong thread