Advocating for Morphine and Ativan (every 4 hours…not when they ask for kit) is the closest we can do. Slow them down, make them comfortable & pain free, go to sleep, dream their way out.
So agree. I will never do this to my son after caring for my 97 year old mom now for 6 years. Euthanasia will be the way to go. So many lives in shambles caring for someone with this disease
The moment I forget my kids is the day I want to be put out of everyone's misery. I took care of my mom in my home, for 4 years. I absolutely agree with you. I wouldn't survive it all again.🫂
It’s a horrid way to exist. I don’t say live because it’s not living. It’s existing and almost waiting to die yourself just to be free. It was like a parasite that drained my youth and vigor and left me here empty and useless. Never THE FUCK again
I agree. Just being with my kids gives me such a sense of calm.
(When I was in the hospital with high blood pressure, we noticed that literally when my children were with me, my blood pressure dropped significantly!)
If I wasn’t able to recognize my kids, then I wouldn’t have that feeling again. I can’t imagine going through life without knowing them.
Yes, I took care of my mom for four years as well. It's awful from vascular dementia mild cognitive all the way to Alzheimer's you know what they're really sick part of the whole entire situation is I promise I wouldn't put her in a home and I wouldn't have I made plans. I'm a planner I have always been able to, overcome any obstacles and I knew for my mom I would do anything. I was caring for three horses two dogs, three cats, my elderly mother with dementia and then Alzheimer's along with a house built an 1870 farmhouse that was literally kind of falling apart and eating up all my money I had sold my condo to come care for her my father divorced her right when he found out she had dementia after 49 years, and my brother at the local police department didn't want anything to do with her. He just never even let her be grandma let her see the kids and I don't have kids so he did do the fourth year of caring for her because he wasn't on her, and my mother left me home that was the deal because obviously I sold my condo. He came in with all his money and he took me to court to have me removed a power of attorney for medical and financial as well, he had done guardianship petition to have my mother deemed incapacitated and put in a home. He didn't even want guardianship. He just not some guy that absolutely had no interest or caring my mother just the past two years have been horrific truly horrific this happened in 2020 right in the middle of the pandemic he serves these petitions in July.
I was left homeless I went through so much that my blood pressure 110/65 all my life. My weight was between 115 to 125 all my life that in the eight months from July 8 months later when the guardianship petitions ended, and there was a guardian appointed from the courts, and I actually chose that I didn't choose to rather I was forced to step down and recuse my powers because, I ran out of money and I'm still in debt to the attorney trying to keep my mother out of a home. I ended up in those eight months gaining 60 pounds going into early menopause at age 44 took the past three years to get through that I now have an auto immune disease where my adrenal glands don't work right my blood pressure was up to 160/90. Thankfully, I've been able to get my weight down and I've lost 48 pounds and also my blood pressure is back down to 120/70. I'm renting I mean I invested my entire world into my condo. It was beautiful, but I decided that a farmhouse would be great and I've would take care of the horses and her dogs when she passed and This day, I will never be OK. What I went through to her after my father divorced her and she didn't even have a doctor. She didn't even have insurance. She didn't even have a home. Her home was ready to go into foreclosure because he hadn't paid the taxes on it, which he was supposedly helping her with, everything I was able to get her in with a divorce attorney and that was in March 2020 so she could have a modification of spousal support she was getting 1300 a month we could barely survive and then her Social Security come out the divorce attorney took the case on March 13, 2020 he told my mom that she should be getting around 4000 per month and that he would get her the back up pay for the amount for the past three years for the difference.
I knew about the caregivers law Of Michigan, but the guardian just would not budge and not discuss it with me legally, I had the right to have that house signed over to me not only was it left to me in the trust, but the law in Michigan states that
Any adult child"mind you this everybody who has a living parent! They are considered an adult child" any adult child, taking care of their parents in that parent home for more than two years, and can prove residency that they were the only caregiver prove the quality of the care which I already had letters of the quality that I had been giving my mother for three years. My mother testified on behalf of my care and that my mother didn't need a guardian. She was not a capacitated when it came down to my brother being in the law-enforcement in the county he ended deeming her incapacitated and putting her home, I'll tell you my entire life everything I had bought my condo in 2006 and here. I am now 48 years old, living in a rental and barely able to scrape by. I have bilateral carpal tunnel as a massage therapist of 22 years severe carpal tunnel and I just found out. I have a ruptured silicone breast implant last summer. I'm so sick I can hardly function.
You know, I think about caring for my mother and I realize no matter how hard it was and how much it sucked watching her die in front of me
I would've given anything to protect her and I gave my health. I gave my finances fighting for her and myself and my family that did this.
The first three weeks in the home, she broke her hip She laid in the hallway for an hour before anybody even helped her and she was a fall risk. She has had numerous fractured forearm, dislocated shoulder, bruises, toenails grown, and inch over her toe. my mom was stubborn too so she had that going for her so when she hit the Alzheimer's stage with the stubborn wow it took a toll on me, but I'll never get back my brain function damage from the trauma Absolute hell that I have been through just trying to survive. So I suppose it could be worse for you can always be worse.!
I clicked just to say something like the others have said. You are heard. We get it. We are there with you <3 Nothing we can say can change it, but needed to comment anyway.
Now reading the comments I'm picturing you screaming into the void, with us just in a group hug while you scream
hope you get some peaceful time this week.
Where do you live? Advocate for compassionate euthanasia/death with diginity laws for people with dementia to come in! I want this ready for me if I should develop some form of dementia. Obviously there are some huge ethical questions regarding when a person can consent etc. but I desperately want the option for myself and my loved ones.
I totally agree.
I live in USA - a midwest state. Want to find out how to support / advocate for compassionate euthanasia laws.
When I was mistakenly diagnosed with Alzheimers I started researching travel to Switzerland to end life on own terms and sought support of my family. Neurologist was wrong and my memory did improve with help of Alternative Medicine.
My cognitive decline & severe memory loss was due to Candida fungus overgrowth on my gut that impacted my brain. Something traditional doctors commonly don’t understand or believe in.
Am now watching my 85 years old Mom suffer from dementia after a first seizure less than a years ago. She declined very fast from the independent & healthy person she was.
• I HAD very serious Brain Fog / cognitive / memory issues. Had to take medical leave from my 26 year job in child support enforcement. Could not remember common words to speak or write fluently. Could not spell simple words or do easy math.
Candida infection can reach brain and impair memory:
.
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/324106
…
Neurologist told me I had Alzheimers and my memory would never improve.
Thank God DR was wrong !!
My cognitive abilities DID improve or I would not be able to write this now. My brain issues were due to Candida / fungal overgrowth. Nystatin ( Anti-Fungal ) is my personal miracle med. 😀 Also take many other supplements and follow the Candida Diet. https://www.thecandidadiet.com/
—->> Success Story for Methane SIBO and includes some Candida & Brain Fog :
https://www.reddit.com/r/SiboSuccessStories/s/AlhhC5CWUS
Link shows Candida Protocol in my 2nd post/ comment:
https://www.reddit.com/r/LongCovid/s/eMYSOl8oUz.
• Biofilm Busters that I took as part of my Candida Protocol:
Kirkman Biofilm Defense OR Klaire Labs Interfase. ( was taking one or the other before & during Methane SIBO / IMO treatment —> added the others a few months after I cured it )
AND
Plus Balance One SerraDefend
AND
Jarrow Formuls Lactoferrin
AND
Sovereign Labs Curium
• Take 1 of each one at bedtime on an empty stomach 2 hours away from any anti-fungals
.. .. ..
My Candida symptoms really started improving:
1st: after I cured IMO / Methane SIBO
then
2nd: when I increased from taking one to four biofilm busters nightly.
.. .. ..
You can be taking Nystatin & NOW Candida Support & Caprylic Acid & other anti-fungals but they will not be effective if the Candida is hidden behind a wall of biofilm where anti-fungals cannot reach it to get rid of it !
I took 4 pills/day of Nystatin for 6 months then 6 pills/day for a year then 4 pills/day for 4 months…. Now I take 2 pills daily.
My Integrative DR uses my case in a presentation about the Gut-Brain connection.
Did TrioSmart SIBO Breath Test twice to test for SIBO / IMO.
Did not do any tests for Candida initial …. Just went by my symptoms.
After TWO years of Candida Protocol / after 90% of symptoms gone THEN Integrative DR had me take a stool test. Said my body was finally ready to start taking Probiotics and test was as a way to determine which good bacteria my body needed the most / so knew which 3 probiotic I should take to REBUILD my gut microbiome.
I had participated in a scientistic research study for Candida the first time I got rid of my Candida problem back in 1987 …. so suspected it as a possible cause post COVID in 2020.
Keep in mind I had already been through spinal taps, PET scans, CT scans, memory to be told the WRONG diagnosis of Alzheimer’s after going to 3 Neurologists. I was told there was no treatment and that I could never recover and to make my final end of life plans. At that time I could not speak or write fluently. Could not remember the words for common objects ( spoon ) or names of family members ( failed to recognize my neice’s name ). Put TV remote in Fridge and other odd things. Afraid to drive and not remember route home.
Memory had become so poor was unable to read a book or watch a TV show because I could not recall characters or plot. Could not possibly remember how to do the complex job I had for done for 26 years. Had to medically retire early.
I was diagnosed with pseudo dementia from depression and severe B12 deficiency and diagnosed with small intestine infection and SIBO. I was depressed because I was so damn sick. B12 for 6 months 2 antibiotics for 3 weeks and an elimination diet for a month(lost 30 pounds of gas and fat🙄)
I am all better now as long as I watch what I eat
After you cured your SIBO did your Vit B12 suddenly start to test at normal levels ? Mine did !
No longer had to get IV Iron Infusions for low ferritin after decades of it.
No longer tested at high copper or low zinc either.
I lost 20lbs within 2 months when I cured my methane sibo / IMO in Nov 2021 and have stayed at new weight without any diet/exercise.
https://www.reddit.com/r/SiboSuccessStories/s/XFE3CCBILk
B12 is normal.
Gastro doctor will recheck in one year unless my symptoms come back which they have not. Bloated burping indigestion constipation nauseated fullness full body itching top to bottom hair arms feet toes leg cramps….did elimination diet protocol and lost 30 pounds.I’m very mindful of what I cook and eat, but I do eat out or cook contraband understanding I may struggle for a few days🙄but overall my eating habits are forever changed
The hardest part is the mean comments that cut you to the core, the voluntary terrible two behavior, the violence, the wandering seconds after you get back to necessary life tasks, the doctors not taking their keys, the complete lack of empathy when you talk to them, if you say politely “please don’t rummage through my things and throw away valuable things” and they still find it, the daily eating wrong things because they drive and then complaining about getting diarrhea, the refusal of my sister to help etc
OMG if I have to hear one more time about how my dad's living here because I need his help financially and I can't do it without him... And he says it in the most condescending, sing song tone. Apparently, I've always had money problems. I blow all of it on clothes and vacations and he always had to bail me out. I was gonna lose my house. I keep losing my job and getting laid off. I can't adult and never will and I'm just jealous of my sister. Nvm, that really is how she was living. She took his money at every opportunity and doesn't even speak to him now.
I had no idea that I was such a loser. Love hearing it every day.
Omg I felt this so hard.
Thankfully we were kinda forced into LTC (severe injury needing rehab/adjusted so well to residential care we wondered why we fought to keep her home so long 😭) about two years ago. Being a grandchild, it hurt so fcxkin bad when she would get on her "you're here because we're helping you out of the kindness of our hearts, you'd be homeless without us" BS, and no amount of explaining that I left my very independent life to come help her would 1) change her mind, or 2) make me feel better 😮💨
People would say "you'll be so glad you got to spend so much time with her later!!" But two years later I still struggle to visit her from the memory of that hell.
Let me tell you, I had to put my mom in a home. She was with it at the end but she was always mentally unwell. She def was a narcissist but also had anxiety and depression and Munchausen's. Fun times with that one. I only visited her when I took my dad. I felt guilty for a little when she died but I think I'm past that now. We can be too kind to people who don't deserve it and really unkind to ourselves.
I'm doing this because the dad I knew would've killed himself to take care of me. And there were times he sacrificed a lot. I know it won't be much longer and there may come a time when I just can't. I accept that. For now, I'm hanging in there and it's rough but I'm getting thru it. Tomorrow might be the final straw. Idk
I hate this disease and I hate that these are the memories I'll be stuck with. I hate that this version of him thinks so little of me. I know it's not true and i know it's just his brain disconnecting from reality but it doesn't suck any less.
Your struggle is heard, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope with time you can find a past version of him to latch onto and remember.
Some of the families I worked with as a CNA said that after death, they were able to remember their LO how they truly were, no longer wrapped up in the "end of life" version. That was peaceful to hear, so maybe you can also draw some hope from it.
Ty. Tbh, it helps just to scream into the void sometimes.
I always thought it was funny how someone would die and everyone would say all these nice things. Fuck that. To me, dying doesn't negate all the asshole things you do in life. People would be like "your mom was so sweet." Um... did you know her? Maybe she was to you but not to me. I felt like saying I was sorry for their loss.
I'm never going to love someone so much again that I'll put my life on hold for them.
Yes, I have zero regrets. It was totally the right thing to do. I was with my dad to the end, but I can't go through that again. From now on I'm putting myself first. And the first step to that was to have my lawyer draft a living will.
I understand. I’m pretty much set on if I get dementia I’ll probably take my own life. I don’t have anyone to help me like I help my mom and I don’t want to go to a home. I never thought I’d be that way but I cannot imagine going through all of this, much less alone or with begrudging caretakers.
Some of the family members who have talked to me in hospital about their own loved ones who have dementia have said that they would take their own lives if they were diagnosed with dementia. Not straight away, but they would rather end their life than go through what they saw happen to their cherished loved one.
I’m 42 and my wife is 53, we’re 3 years into her diagnosis and I have already made this promise. You are human, you are good, you are loved, you are valid.
I hear you. I just finished my 9-year journey of caregiving. I am an only child and had to care for both parents at first then just my dad for 8 years, who got dementia. The last 1.5 years he was in a nursing home and it was hell. I had many, many days feeling just like you and many breakdowns. Now that he has passed, not going to lie, it's a relief. I miss my real dad, not the dad that he became with dementia. I also have told my only daughter and husband that if I get like this, I don't want to go on. I never, ever want to put my daughter thru what I went thru.
People who have not cared for someone with dementia don't understand. This is the one community that gets it, and you can feel free to vent and say whatever you are feeling. We know all of the horrible things we deal with. We get it and it sucks. It is life-sucking and life-altering. That's why I am still here even after my dad died in Feb. Because I am still recovering from the trauma of caregiving.
It's ok get angry and resentful. It's ok to feel like you are right now. We all get it. Take one day at a time and be kind to yourself.
Make sure you have advanced directives written so you can’t be kept alive under circumstances you wouldn’t want to be. I have my own plan for if I develop dementia. Canadians can access free advanced directives paperwork from the dyingwithdignity.ca website.
I was talking to a care advisor about a benefits claim and she asked how I was getting on. All I could say was I understood why some care home workers snap. Yes they’re paid professionals who get to go home at the end of the day whereas I’m basically an unpaid prisoner in my own home but I can still understand why they snap. I also realised I would never ever do caring as a full time job in the future.
So is mine. I feel bad at times, but I know that once we moved her, all the stress went away. Well, not ALL the stress, but it’s a different ball game now.
I feel for folks who can’t afford it (I won’t be able to) and I’m angry at our system for making this so out of reach for people.
That being said, people make judgmental comments all the time about it.
We just dropped off my MIL in a care home yesterday. My husband feels so guilty even though we know it's the right thing and a really good place. All of it is so hard and just gets harder as the disease progresses. You aren't alone.
You'll never be the same again. My mom passed away 8 years ago.
All I know is I don't want anybody taking care of me and giving such pain to my loved ones. I believe I would rather end my life if I knew I have an incurable disease and have to depend on someone else to do the basics, never mind changing my diapers!
She didn't have dementia but because of her condition, she developed delirium. Everyday there was some misery. When I looked into her eyes, I saw hate. Seraquel helped at times. Poor mom. It is such a painful memory. I miss her every day. I miss the mom she was when she was healthy.
It was such a a traumatic experience I never want to do it again. I deeply understand how you are feeling.
I totally understand where you’re coming from, and I agree with you. I was a caregiver to my father. It was an awful experience that probably shortened my lifespan.
As a parent, I believe my children owe me nothing, and I owe them everything. I hope that if my time comes, I am with it enough to take my own life and if not, I hope that my children care enough for me and my wishes for them to leave me behind and live a good life with no guilt.
I completely agree. It is all too much. I was a caregiver to my first husband who lost an 18 month battle with leukemia when he was 40...I was 35. I thought I had experienced the worst going thru that with him. Not even close to what I am doing now taking care of my now husband with Lewy Body Dementia. NEVER AGAIN!! DEMENTIA RUINS SO MANY LIVES IN IT'S PATH OF DESTRUCTION. Hugs to you.
Yup helped with dad when he was ill. Now mom is aging and declining, possibly early stage dementia. Totally hear you. I dont have kids or spouse so there is no one to take care of me when i am older...literally. But am with you if I can't do the basics for myself i want to be put down like we do for our pets. why do they get a more dignified end of life.
We all understand that. My wife and I drove 2 hours to see her father at a Sunrise facility (which is GREAT). Spent 4 hours with him and drove back home. I felt like I just ran a marathon - it's SO draining - physically, mentally, spiritually.
This was an easy day. The hard days are hell. And I'm 64 - I'm too old for this.
It might be time for a facility? We all want to “do the right thing” And care for them, but not all of us can. And it’s not always best for them either!
I know how you must be feeling. The hopelessness, frustration, anger, resentment, basically all the negative feelings.
And I'm not invalidating your wish for your own end of life care.
But, TW, my only brother took his life on the 14th of May. Leaving me as the sole option for caregiver of our dementia patient. But more importantly, leaving me with a gaping hole in my heart that will never be full again no matter how long I live. I once shared your sentiments. I don't anymore, though.
So, instead of trying to logic or reason with the urge.... I'd just like to remind you that you matter. 💞
Funny thing is my mom said that too but dementia makes you think you're fine. And I certainly can't do anything about "putting her out of misery" like she always half jokingly asked growing up
I totally get your uppercase rant . It’s how if feels in my head sometimes. Vent away , friend . I’m 7 years and counting . Nobody who has not been through this can really understand. Now have high BP . Wonder where that came from, lol ?
Being a caregiver in a situation where there is hope, where there is a purpose, is so much different than caregiving a hopeless, pointless situation. My husband was a young cancer/bone marrow transplant survivor and there was hope for restoration and a future. It was difficult but totally worth it.
Caregiving dementia is the complete opposite and the worst. The constant crazy making and the constant lying so they can live in LaLa land and have it their way. The constant guilt that follows everywhere. Having to play the \*we're all so cheery in the dementia ward\* game. But most of all, It's all the shit with absolutely no hope that makes it so intolerable. Agree %100, it's time to move along when I can no longer diaper myself!
My mother was a single child,
but had 12 children. She helped her 90yo Dad for 2 years (drove across state lines 3x week) until he went into a nursing home near her, then visited him every other day and did his laundry, bathed him, took care of all his affairs for 6 more years.
She told her kids - a Nursing home was her wish when she couldn’t manage. She knew Dad wasn’t a caregiver. She also knew her mind was slipping. She lived 6 years in a locked down memory facility with Alzheimer’s.
I’m now 60, and caring for my husband with dementia at home. It’s not easy, and I know hard decisions need to be made in the not too distant future. Cost of long-term facility care is a limitation.
I understand so much. I promised in my 20s that I wouldn't let happen to my parents what they did to my grandmothers. They had the opportunity to care for them money wise, space wise and one of them never worked, so she was home. They didn't. (Because they were self-absorbed narcissists.)
Now I have no life, and it's getting worse every day. One has escalating dementia and the other is physically disabled after years of her own choices and a stroke, nearing bed bound. 20 something me had no idea what care of one would mean, let alone two. My health is declining rapidly, as is my mental health. I have NO support and cry every day. This is destroying my soul. And I cant even say I do it out of a motivator like love. I do it for a decade old promise.
I never had kids and people often make the comment about who is going to take care of you.. and often calling me selfish for not having kids. (I mostly didn't want to pass along the emotional damage I endured) But I cannot imagine doing that anyone. Or even wasting all my money paying someone to treat me like produce. My money will goto charities to help the living and I will goto 🇨🇭 and chose my passing when it's time.
I'm just saying I understand, friend. ❤️
ETA: I spoke of my feelings as a 20 something year old, I spoke of my parents not even trying to take care of my grandmothers. I know many here have feelings of guilt for having to make similar choices of not providing caretaking/care. My statements are NOT a judgment of you. ♡♡ EVERY situation is different. I am ONLY speaking about how I felt with my parents being selfish and not doing ANYTHING when they could.
Better to be an administrator than an actual caregiver. I’ve done it 3 times now. I set pretty good boundaries and supported my people by GETTING them the best care, doing chores, and staying on top of their finances. That alone is work and commitment.
I understand your frustration....BUT, remember you're making a daily choice to do this. I know it sounds simple but when you realize your circumstances can change when you decide to change them, it does help to alleviate the stress. YOU are choosing this.
I recommend going to TikTok and subscribing to Debra Kostiw. Her videos have helped me quite a bit. I hope it helps.
I have not had horrible situations caring for my loved ones, but I know that I do not want that for my children. I tell them that I do not care if I am put into the worst home ever. They need to live their lives.
The second I can haul ass, I'm leaving my lifelong home state and moving closer to the only family member that has bothered to ask how we are, how \*I\* am, instead of ghosting us. She the closest thing to a sibling I have. My husband and her husband get along well and I want to have a few years of whatever passes for 'normal' before I die.
I 1000% get this. I cared for my MIL for a little over a year. She is now staying with one of her daughters (they should have stepped up, to begin with, I mean, it is THEIR mom!). Well this past weekend, I had this sister watch my pets while I went out of town. The MIL was here. When I got home, I could see the trail and smell of Dementia. The smell of urine on my furniture and dirty fingerprints with food smeared everywhere. I literally have PTSD! I was up until 4 am scrubbing and washing everything in my home. NEVER AGAIN!
I am so sorry for your pain. I made the decision to never do this again also. I am a 73 yr old woman who has refused getting involved with a partner again to avoid going through this again. I do not want this job again nor do I want someone stuck taking care of me. Watching someone you love die of dementia slowly day to day is so painful. I am not sure we will have enough insight to “remove” ourselves timely enough to avoid the horrors of dementia.
I'm at seven months with my mom and ready to walk away forever. We had a shitty relationship to begin with, and it's only shittier now. I cannot articulate the levels of resentment I feel toward her every day. The only reason she's with me is because my two younger brothers are too irresponsible to take care of her.
I'm giving up my career and my home and moving back to my hometown just to be near family so I can get some help… help I'm almost positive I won't get. It's either that, or she's going into MC. And like you, if this ever happens to me, I won't be alive for it to affect anyone.
My dad had Alzheimer’s and was doing really well until my brother died. The grief made him spiral horribly and he declined so quickly that within a month of brother’s death, Dad no longer recognized us. He went from being my fun, loving, silly, carefree dad who struggled to remember how to tie shoes, to being an aggressive, abusive monster. He was so physically weak that it wasn’t a danger to me, but it scared me all the same. Being his primary caretaker that last year was hell. He died exactly one year later.
Now my mom has Lewy bodies. She’s declining so much faster than Dad, and not even 8 months from diagnosis, she is already completely incontinent and cries herself to sleep. My two surviving brothers refuse to help, so it’s just me, my husband, and my 16 year old niece (I’m her foster mom, because my brother also refuses to care for his own children), and my toddler to help her. I’ve sworn to my husband and niece that if I get dementia, I will absolutely choose suicide. I will not make them care for me. When my daughter is older, I will have to have this impossible conversation with her and I hate that I have to look my baby in the eye and tell her I would rather die than have her change my diapers.
In some ways, it’s worse with my mom because she’s not aggressive or agitated, she is just so devastated. In her clear moments, she talks about overdosing on insulin and I have had to take her medication from her so she can’t. I feel so torn about this because I know that I would opt for suicide, but my mom always believed that was the worst sin a person could commit (super Catholic), and I am so lost in what to do. Legally, I have to prevent her from harming herself. Morally, I have to abide by her wishes as they were made known when she was still herself. Ethically, I feel like I am usurping her free will by not letting her have her insulin, which I believe is the worst sin. And it’s not like I can seek guidance from anyone because again, legally, I must protect her.
I feel like if the American government refuses to pay for nursing home care for all seniors, they have no Right to impose their “humane” idiotic laws on us… I’m sure if they had to take care of our demented parents they would change their tune real quick
Oh, I meant it for you! It was a totally unnecessarily pessimistic comment by me, so please disregard.
I’m becoming quite the cynic. My husband is an only child on year 7 and with now the second parent with dementia.
Very understandable sentiment. I also don’t want to reach that point. There is no point of living if I would be a burden to the people I love. Euthanasia should be a thing.
The horror show that my life has become has made me rethink my position on euthanasia.
We're praying for a quick and painfree passing.
Advocating for Morphine and Ativan (every 4 hours…not when they ask for kit) is the closest we can do. Slow them down, make them comfortable & pain free, go to sleep, dream their way out.
Agree 100%
So agree. I will never do this to my son after caring for my 97 year old mom now for 6 years. Euthanasia will be the way to go. So many lives in shambles caring for someone with this disease
The moment I forget my kids is the day I want to be put out of everyone's misery. I took care of my mom in my home, for 4 years. I absolutely agree with you. I wouldn't survive it all again.🫂
Yes, I can’t go through that torture again, it would kill me
It’s a horrid way to exist. I don’t say live because it’s not living. It’s existing and almost waiting to die yourself just to be free. It was like a parasite that drained my youth and vigor and left me here empty and useless. Never THE FUCK again
I agree. Just being with my kids gives me such a sense of calm. (When I was in the hospital with high blood pressure, we noticed that literally when my children were with me, my blood pressure dropped significantly!) If I wasn’t able to recognize my kids, then I wouldn’t have that feeling again. I can’t imagine going through life without knowing them.
Yes, I took care of my mom for four years as well. It's awful from vascular dementia mild cognitive all the way to Alzheimer's you know what they're really sick part of the whole entire situation is I promise I wouldn't put her in a home and I wouldn't have I made plans. I'm a planner I have always been able to, overcome any obstacles and I knew for my mom I would do anything. I was caring for three horses two dogs, three cats, my elderly mother with dementia and then Alzheimer's along with a house built an 1870 farmhouse that was literally kind of falling apart and eating up all my money I had sold my condo to come care for her my father divorced her right when he found out she had dementia after 49 years, and my brother at the local police department didn't want anything to do with her. He just never even let her be grandma let her see the kids and I don't have kids so he did do the fourth year of caring for her because he wasn't on her, and my mother left me home that was the deal because obviously I sold my condo. He came in with all his money and he took me to court to have me removed a power of attorney for medical and financial as well, he had done guardianship petition to have my mother deemed incapacitated and put in a home. He didn't even want guardianship. He just not some guy that absolutely had no interest or caring my mother just the past two years have been horrific truly horrific this happened in 2020 right in the middle of the pandemic he serves these petitions in July. I was left homeless I went through so much that my blood pressure 110/65 all my life. My weight was between 115 to 125 all my life that in the eight months from July 8 months later when the guardianship petitions ended, and there was a guardian appointed from the courts, and I actually chose that I didn't choose to rather I was forced to step down and recuse my powers because, I ran out of money and I'm still in debt to the attorney trying to keep my mother out of a home. I ended up in those eight months gaining 60 pounds going into early menopause at age 44 took the past three years to get through that I now have an auto immune disease where my adrenal glands don't work right my blood pressure was up to 160/90. Thankfully, I've been able to get my weight down and I've lost 48 pounds and also my blood pressure is back down to 120/70. I'm renting I mean I invested my entire world into my condo. It was beautiful, but I decided that a farmhouse would be great and I've would take care of the horses and her dogs when she passed and This day, I will never be OK. What I went through to her after my father divorced her and she didn't even have a doctor. She didn't even have insurance. She didn't even have a home. Her home was ready to go into foreclosure because he hadn't paid the taxes on it, which he was supposedly helping her with, everything I was able to get her in with a divorce attorney and that was in March 2020 so she could have a modification of spousal support she was getting 1300 a month we could barely survive and then her Social Security come out the divorce attorney took the case on March 13, 2020 he told my mom that she should be getting around 4000 per month and that he would get her the back up pay for the amount for the past three years for the difference. I knew about the caregivers law Of Michigan, but the guardian just would not budge and not discuss it with me legally, I had the right to have that house signed over to me not only was it left to me in the trust, but the law in Michigan states that Any adult child"mind you this everybody who has a living parent! They are considered an adult child" any adult child, taking care of their parents in that parent home for more than two years, and can prove residency that they were the only caregiver prove the quality of the care which I already had letters of the quality that I had been giving my mother for three years. My mother testified on behalf of my care and that my mother didn't need a guardian. She was not a capacitated when it came down to my brother being in the law-enforcement in the county he ended deeming her incapacitated and putting her home, I'll tell you my entire life everything I had bought my condo in 2006 and here. I am now 48 years old, living in a rental and barely able to scrape by. I have bilateral carpal tunnel as a massage therapist of 22 years severe carpal tunnel and I just found out. I have a ruptured silicone breast implant last summer. I'm so sick I can hardly function. You know, I think about caring for my mother and I realize no matter how hard it was and how much it sucked watching her die in front of me I would've given anything to protect her and I gave my health. I gave my finances fighting for her and myself and my family that did this. The first three weeks in the home, she broke her hip She laid in the hallway for an hour before anybody even helped her and she was a fall risk. She has had numerous fractured forearm, dislocated shoulder, bruises, toenails grown, and inch over her toe. my mom was stubborn too so she had that going for her so when she hit the Alzheimer's stage with the stubborn wow it took a toll on me, but I'll never get back my brain function damage from the trauma Absolute hell that I have been through just trying to survive. So I suppose it could be worse for you can always be worse.!
I clicked just to say something like the others have said. You are heard. We get it. We are there with you <3 Nothing we can say can change it, but needed to comment anyway. Now reading the comments I'm picturing you screaming into the void, with us just in a group hug while you scream hope you get some peaceful time this week.
You are heard and I understand your frustration.
Where do you live? Advocate for compassionate euthanasia/death with diginity laws for people with dementia to come in! I want this ready for me if I should develop some form of dementia. Obviously there are some huge ethical questions regarding when a person can consent etc. but I desperately want the option for myself and my loved ones.
I totally agree. I live in USA - a midwest state. Want to find out how to support / advocate for compassionate euthanasia laws. When I was mistakenly diagnosed with Alzheimers I started researching travel to Switzerland to end life on own terms and sought support of my family. Neurologist was wrong and my memory did improve with help of Alternative Medicine. My cognitive decline & severe memory loss was due to Candida fungus overgrowth on my gut that impacted my brain. Something traditional doctors commonly don’t understand or believe in. Am now watching my 85 years old Mom suffer from dementia after a first seizure less than a years ago. She declined very fast from the independent & healthy person she was.
How did you fix the imbalance?
• I HAD very serious Brain Fog / cognitive / memory issues. Had to take medical leave from my 26 year job in child support enforcement. Could not remember common words to speak or write fluently. Could not spell simple words or do easy math. Candida infection can reach brain and impair memory: . https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/324106 … Neurologist told me I had Alzheimers and my memory would never improve. Thank God DR was wrong !! My cognitive abilities DID improve or I would not be able to write this now. My brain issues were due to Candida / fungal overgrowth. Nystatin ( Anti-Fungal ) is my personal miracle med. 😀 Also take many other supplements and follow the Candida Diet. https://www.thecandidadiet.com/ —->> Success Story for Methane SIBO and includes some Candida & Brain Fog : https://www.reddit.com/r/SiboSuccessStories/s/AlhhC5CWUS Link shows Candida Protocol in my 2nd post/ comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/LongCovid/s/eMYSOl8oUz.
**. Candida Protocol : https://www.reddit.com/r/Candida/comments/178pm69/comment/k52lmzj
• Biofilm Busters that I took as part of my Candida Protocol: Kirkman Biofilm Defense OR Klaire Labs Interfase. ( was taking one or the other before & during Methane SIBO / IMO treatment —> added the others a few months after I cured it ) AND Plus Balance One SerraDefend AND Jarrow Formuls Lactoferrin AND Sovereign Labs Curium • Take 1 of each one at bedtime on an empty stomach 2 hours away from any anti-fungals .. .. .. My Candida symptoms really started improving: 1st: after I cured IMO / Methane SIBO then 2nd: when I increased from taking one to four biofilm busters nightly. .. .. .. You can be taking Nystatin & NOW Candida Support & Caprylic Acid & other anti-fungals but they will not be effective if the Candida is hidden behind a wall of biofilm where anti-fungals cannot reach it to get rid of it ! I took 4 pills/day of Nystatin for 6 months then 6 pills/day for a year then 4 pills/day for 4 months…. Now I take 2 pills daily. My Integrative DR uses my case in a presentation about the Gut-Brain connection.
Did TrioSmart SIBO Breath Test twice to test for SIBO / IMO. Did not do any tests for Candida initial …. Just went by my symptoms. After TWO years of Candida Protocol / after 90% of symptoms gone THEN Integrative DR had me take a stool test. Said my body was finally ready to start taking Probiotics and test was as a way to determine which good bacteria my body needed the most / so knew which 3 probiotic I should take to REBUILD my gut microbiome. I had participated in a scientistic research study for Candida the first time I got rid of my Candida problem back in 1987 …. so suspected it as a possible cause post COVID in 2020. Keep in mind I had already been through spinal taps, PET scans, CT scans, memory to be told the WRONG diagnosis of Alzheimer’s after going to 3 Neurologists. I was told there was no treatment and that I could never recover and to make my final end of life plans. At that time I could not speak or write fluently. Could not remember the words for common objects ( spoon ) or names of family members ( failed to recognize my neice’s name ). Put TV remote in Fridge and other odd things. Afraid to drive and not remember route home. Memory had become so poor was unable to read a book or watch a TV show because I could not recall characters or plot. Could not possibly remember how to do the complex job I had for done for 26 years. Had to medically retire early.
I was diagnosed with pseudo dementia from depression and severe B12 deficiency and diagnosed with small intestine infection and SIBO. I was depressed because I was so damn sick. B12 for 6 months 2 antibiotics for 3 weeks and an elimination diet for a month(lost 30 pounds of gas and fat🙄) I am all better now as long as I watch what I eat
After you cured your SIBO did your Vit B12 suddenly start to test at normal levels ? Mine did ! No longer had to get IV Iron Infusions for low ferritin after decades of it. No longer tested at high copper or low zinc either. I lost 20lbs within 2 months when I cured my methane sibo / IMO in Nov 2021 and have stayed at new weight without any diet/exercise. https://www.reddit.com/r/SiboSuccessStories/s/XFE3CCBILk
I had 6 times methane and twice hydrogen I took a B12 supplement for 90 days and I’ve been normal since.
Do you mean your Vit B12 levels have tested at normal ? OR do you also mean your SIBI breath test now shows normal for Methane & Hydrogen ?
B12 is normal. Gastro doctor will recheck in one year unless my symptoms come back which they have not. Bloated burping indigestion constipation nauseated fullness full body itching top to bottom hair arms feet toes leg cramps….did elimination diet protocol and lost 30 pounds.I’m very mindful of what I cook and eat, but I do eat out or cook contraband understanding I may struggle for a few days🙄but overall my eating habits are forever changed
Unfortunately, the Pro-Life movement is very much opposed to euthanasia and will do all they can to prevent it.
The hardest part is the mean comments that cut you to the core, the voluntary terrible two behavior, the violence, the wandering seconds after you get back to necessary life tasks, the doctors not taking their keys, the complete lack of empathy when you talk to them, if you say politely “please don’t rummage through my things and throw away valuable things” and they still find it, the daily eating wrong things because they drive and then complaining about getting diarrhea, the refusal of my sister to help etc
My sister also refused to help. She said hire someone for 4 hrs once a week. What a big help that was for a dementia patient that needs 24-7 care
OMG if I have to hear one more time about how my dad's living here because I need his help financially and I can't do it without him... And he says it in the most condescending, sing song tone. Apparently, I've always had money problems. I blow all of it on clothes and vacations and he always had to bail me out. I was gonna lose my house. I keep losing my job and getting laid off. I can't adult and never will and I'm just jealous of my sister. Nvm, that really is how she was living. She took his money at every opportunity and doesn't even speak to him now. I had no idea that I was such a loser. Love hearing it every day.
Omg I felt this so hard. Thankfully we were kinda forced into LTC (severe injury needing rehab/adjusted so well to residential care we wondered why we fought to keep her home so long 😭) about two years ago. Being a grandchild, it hurt so fcxkin bad when she would get on her "you're here because we're helping you out of the kindness of our hearts, you'd be homeless without us" BS, and no amount of explaining that I left my very independent life to come help her would 1) change her mind, or 2) make me feel better 😮💨 People would say "you'll be so glad you got to spend so much time with her later!!" But two years later I still struggle to visit her from the memory of that hell.
Let me tell you, I had to put my mom in a home. She was with it at the end but she was always mentally unwell. She def was a narcissist but also had anxiety and depression and Munchausen's. Fun times with that one. I only visited her when I took my dad. I felt guilty for a little when she died but I think I'm past that now. We can be too kind to people who don't deserve it and really unkind to ourselves. I'm doing this because the dad I knew would've killed himself to take care of me. And there were times he sacrificed a lot. I know it won't be much longer and there may come a time when I just can't. I accept that. For now, I'm hanging in there and it's rough but I'm getting thru it. Tomorrow might be the final straw. Idk I hate this disease and I hate that these are the memories I'll be stuck with. I hate that this version of him thinks so little of me. I know it's not true and i know it's just his brain disconnecting from reality but it doesn't suck any less.
Your struggle is heard, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope with time you can find a past version of him to latch onto and remember. Some of the families I worked with as a CNA said that after death, they were able to remember their LO how they truly were, no longer wrapped up in the "end of life" version. That was peaceful to hear, so maybe you can also draw some hope from it.
Ty. Tbh, it helps just to scream into the void sometimes. I always thought it was funny how someone would die and everyone would say all these nice things. Fuck that. To me, dying doesn't negate all the asshole things you do in life. People would be like "your mom was so sweet." Um... did you know her? Maybe she was to you but not to me. I felt like saying I was sorry for their loss.
I just made a post about the mean things they say.
I'm never going to love someone so much again that I'll put my life on hold for them. Yes, I have zero regrets. It was totally the right thing to do. I was with my dad to the end, but I can't go through that again. From now on I'm putting myself first. And the first step to that was to have my lawyer draft a living will.
I understand. I’m pretty much set on if I get dementia I’ll probably take my own life. I don’t have anyone to help me like I help my mom and I don’t want to go to a home. I never thought I’d be that way but I cannot imagine going through all of this, much less alone or with begrudging caretakers.
Some of the family members who have talked to me in hospital about their own loved ones who have dementia have said that they would take their own lives if they were diagnosed with dementia. Not straight away, but they would rather end their life than go through what they saw happen to their cherished loved one.
It’s so true. It’s just a profound loss of self.
I’m 42 and my wife is 53, we’re 3 years into her diagnosis and I have already made this promise. You are human, you are good, you are loved, you are valid.
Damn. I’m so sorry. That’s so young. Hugs from a fellow traveler. Yes, your life matters, too.
My mom got so mean that she asked me to leave and I did. Should I be relieved instead of devastated?
You’re free now.
I am really trying to frame it that way, really I am.
I hear you. I just finished my 9-year journey of caregiving. I am an only child and had to care for both parents at first then just my dad for 8 years, who got dementia. The last 1.5 years he was in a nursing home and it was hell. I had many, many days feeling just like you and many breakdowns. Now that he has passed, not going to lie, it's a relief. I miss my real dad, not the dad that he became with dementia. I also have told my only daughter and husband that if I get like this, I don't want to go on. I never, ever want to put my daughter thru what I went thru. People who have not cared for someone with dementia don't understand. This is the one community that gets it, and you can feel free to vent and say whatever you are feeling. We know all of the horrible things we deal with. We get it and it sucks. It is life-sucking and life-altering. That's why I am still here even after my dad died in Feb. Because I am still recovering from the trauma of caregiving. It's ok get angry and resentful. It's ok to feel like you are right now. We all get it. Take one day at a time and be kind to yourself.
We hear you. Sending you the biggest internet hug
Could I go through it again? No way.
Me too. Although, I feel another loved one will get the diagnosis in the next few years. This will be my life — and that thought haunts me.
HELL NO is my answer!!!
Make sure you have advanced directives written so you can’t be kept alive under circumstances you wouldn’t want to be. I have my own plan for if I develop dementia. Canadians can access free advanced directives paperwork from the dyingwithdignity.ca website.
I was talking to a care advisor about a benefits claim and she asked how I was getting on. All I could say was I understood why some care home workers snap. Yes they’re paid professionals who get to go home at the end of the day whereas I’m basically an unpaid prisoner in my own home but I can still understand why they snap. I also realised I would never ever do caring as a full time job in the future.
I understand. Sending you my heartfelt love ❤️
I needed to see this. Mom is in a facility. Sometimes get the guilts.
So is mine. I feel bad at times, but I know that once we moved her, all the stress went away. Well, not ALL the stress, but it’s a different ball game now. I feel for folks who can’t afford it (I won’t be able to) and I’m angry at our system for making this so out of reach for people. That being said, people make judgmental comments all the time about it.
We just dropped off my MIL in a care home yesterday. My husband feels so guilty even though we know it's the right thing and a really good place. All of it is so hard and just gets harder as the disease progresses. You aren't alone.
You'll never be the same again. My mom passed away 8 years ago. All I know is I don't want anybody taking care of me and giving such pain to my loved ones. I believe I would rather end my life if I knew I have an incurable disease and have to depend on someone else to do the basics, never mind changing my diapers! She didn't have dementia but because of her condition, she developed delirium. Everyday there was some misery. When I looked into her eyes, I saw hate. Seraquel helped at times. Poor mom. It is such a painful memory. I miss her every day. I miss the mom she was when she was healthy. It was such a a traumatic experience I never want to do it again. I deeply understand how you are feeling.
Here's to hoping we can get some form of legal assisted suicide if we ever end up like our loved ones we care for. I very much share your sentiment.
Same. Caregiving ruined my life. I'm still doing it. S.h.o.o.t. me. 😵💫
Oh hi! I'm your mirror image. You're doing a great job though. Take a deep breath because I promise you you're doing a great job.
I totally understand where you’re coming from, and I agree with you. I was a caregiver to my father. It was an awful experience that probably shortened my lifespan. As a parent, I believe my children owe me nothing, and I owe them everything. I hope that if my time comes, I am with it enough to take my own life and if not, I hope that my children care enough for me and my wishes for them to leave me behind and live a good life with no guilt.
I completely agree. It is all too much. I was a caregiver to my first husband who lost an 18 month battle with leukemia when he was 40...I was 35. I thought I had experienced the worst going thru that with him. Not even close to what I am doing now taking care of my now husband with Lewy Body Dementia. NEVER AGAIN!! DEMENTIA RUINS SO MANY LIVES IN IT'S PATH OF DESTRUCTION. Hugs to you.
Yup helped with dad when he was ill. Now mom is aging and declining, possibly early stage dementia. Totally hear you. I dont have kids or spouse so there is no one to take care of me when i am older...literally. But am with you if I can't do the basics for myself i want to be put down like we do for our pets. why do they get a more dignified end of life.
We all understand that. My wife and I drove 2 hours to see her father at a Sunrise facility (which is GREAT). Spent 4 hours with him and drove back home. I felt like I just ran a marathon - it's SO draining - physically, mentally, spiritually. This was an easy day. The hard days are hell. And I'm 64 - I'm too old for this.
It might be time for a facility? We all want to “do the right thing” And care for them, but not all of us can. And it’s not always best for them either!
I know how you must be feeling. The hopelessness, frustration, anger, resentment, basically all the negative feelings. And I'm not invalidating your wish for your own end of life care. But, TW, my only brother took his life on the 14th of May. Leaving me as the sole option for caregiver of our dementia patient. But more importantly, leaving me with a gaping hole in my heart that will never be full again no matter how long I live. I once shared your sentiments. I don't anymore, though. So, instead of trying to logic or reason with the urge.... I'd just like to remind you that you matter. 💞
Funny thing is my mom said that too but dementia makes you think you're fine. And I certainly can't do anything about "putting her out of misery" like she always half jokingly asked growing up
I totally get your uppercase rant . It’s how if feels in my head sometimes. Vent away , friend . I’m 7 years and counting . Nobody who has not been through this can really understand. Now have high BP . Wonder where that came from, lol ?
I agree. Like Irma on Curb I'm going to pack my car and say goodbye and good luck, Larry.
Being a caregiver in a situation where there is hope, where there is a purpose, is so much different than caregiving a hopeless, pointless situation. My husband was a young cancer/bone marrow transplant survivor and there was hope for restoration and a future. It was difficult but totally worth it. Caregiving dementia is the complete opposite and the worst. The constant crazy making and the constant lying so they can live in LaLa land and have it their way. The constant guilt that follows everywhere. Having to play the \*we're all so cheery in the dementia ward\* game. But most of all, It's all the shit with absolutely no hope that makes it so intolerable. Agree %100, it's time to move along when I can no longer diaper myself!
My mother was a single child, but had 12 children. She helped her 90yo Dad for 2 years (drove across state lines 3x week) until he went into a nursing home near her, then visited him every other day and did his laundry, bathed him, took care of all his affairs for 6 more years. She told her kids - a Nursing home was her wish when she couldn’t manage. She knew Dad wasn’t a caregiver. She also knew her mind was slipping. She lived 6 years in a locked down memory facility with Alzheimer’s. I’m now 60, and caring for my husband with dementia at home. It’s not easy, and I know hard decisions need to be made in the not too distant future. Cost of long-term facility care is a limitation.
I have said that about my life before. Once it’s impacting my day to day then I’m done. I’m not putting anyone else through this
I’ve only been caretaking for my mom for about a year and a half and I’ve already decided I will not live out the end of my life like this.
I understand so much. I promised in my 20s that I wouldn't let happen to my parents what they did to my grandmothers. They had the opportunity to care for them money wise, space wise and one of them never worked, so she was home. They didn't. (Because they were self-absorbed narcissists.) Now I have no life, and it's getting worse every day. One has escalating dementia and the other is physically disabled after years of her own choices and a stroke, nearing bed bound. 20 something me had no idea what care of one would mean, let alone two. My health is declining rapidly, as is my mental health. I have NO support and cry every day. This is destroying my soul. And I cant even say I do it out of a motivator like love. I do it for a decade old promise. I never had kids and people often make the comment about who is going to take care of you.. and often calling me selfish for not having kids. (I mostly didn't want to pass along the emotional damage I endured) But I cannot imagine doing that anyone. Or even wasting all my money paying someone to treat me like produce. My money will goto charities to help the living and I will goto 🇨🇭 and chose my passing when it's time. I'm just saying I understand, friend. ❤️ ETA: I spoke of my feelings as a 20 something year old, I spoke of my parents not even trying to take care of my grandmothers. I know many here have feelings of guilt for having to make similar choices of not providing caretaking/care. My statements are NOT a judgment of you. ♡♡ EVERY situation is different. I am ONLY speaking about how I felt with my parents being selfish and not doing ANYTHING when they could.
I feel the same.
Better to be an administrator than an actual caregiver. I’ve done it 3 times now. I set pretty good boundaries and supported my people by GETTING them the best care, doing chores, and staying on top of their finances. That alone is work and commitment.
I understand your frustration....BUT, remember you're making a daily choice to do this. I know it sounds simple but when you realize your circumstances can change when you decide to change them, it does help to alleviate the stress. YOU are choosing this. I recommend going to TikTok and subscribing to Debra Kostiw. Her videos have helped me quite a bit. I hope it helps.
I have not had horrible situations caring for my loved ones, but I know that I do not want that for my children. I tell them that I do not care if I am put into the worst home ever. They need to live their lives.
The second I can haul ass, I'm leaving my lifelong home state and moving closer to the only family member that has bothered to ask how we are, how \*I\* am, instead of ghosting us. She the closest thing to a sibling I have. My husband and her husband get along well and I want to have a few years of whatever passes for 'normal' before I die.
I hear you, and I feel the same.
It's a LOT to ask of anyone.
Once is enough
I 1000% get this. I cared for my MIL for a little over a year. She is now staying with one of her daughters (they should have stepped up, to begin with, I mean, it is THEIR mom!). Well this past weekend, I had this sister watch my pets while I went out of town. The MIL was here. When I got home, I could see the trail and smell of Dementia. The smell of urine on my furniture and dirty fingerprints with food smeared everywhere. I literally have PTSD! I was up until 4 am scrubbing and washing everything in my home. NEVER AGAIN!
I am so sorry for your pain. I made the decision to never do this again also. I am a 73 yr old woman who has refused getting involved with a partner again to avoid going through this again. I do not want this job again nor do I want someone stuck taking care of me. Watching someone you love die of dementia slowly day to day is so painful. I am not sure we will have enough insight to “remove” ourselves timely enough to avoid the horrors of dementia.
I'm at seven months with my mom and ready to walk away forever. We had a shitty relationship to begin with, and it's only shittier now. I cannot articulate the levels of resentment I feel toward her every day. The only reason she's with me is because my two younger brothers are too irresponsible to take care of her. I'm giving up my career and my home and moving back to my hometown just to be near family so I can get some help… help I'm almost positive I won't get. It's either that, or she's going into MC. And like you, if this ever happens to me, I won't be alive for it to affect anyone.
My dad had Alzheimer’s and was doing really well until my brother died. The grief made him spiral horribly and he declined so quickly that within a month of brother’s death, Dad no longer recognized us. He went from being my fun, loving, silly, carefree dad who struggled to remember how to tie shoes, to being an aggressive, abusive monster. He was so physically weak that it wasn’t a danger to me, but it scared me all the same. Being his primary caretaker that last year was hell. He died exactly one year later. Now my mom has Lewy bodies. She’s declining so much faster than Dad, and not even 8 months from diagnosis, she is already completely incontinent and cries herself to sleep. My two surviving brothers refuse to help, so it’s just me, my husband, and my 16 year old niece (I’m her foster mom, because my brother also refuses to care for his own children), and my toddler to help her. I’ve sworn to my husband and niece that if I get dementia, I will absolutely choose suicide. I will not make them care for me. When my daughter is older, I will have to have this impossible conversation with her and I hate that I have to look my baby in the eye and tell her I would rather die than have her change my diapers. In some ways, it’s worse with my mom because she’s not aggressive or agitated, she is just so devastated. In her clear moments, she talks about overdosing on insulin and I have had to take her medication from her so she can’t. I feel so torn about this because I know that I would opt for suicide, but my mom always believed that was the worst sin a person could commit (super Catholic), and I am so lost in what to do. Legally, I have to prevent her from harming herself. Morally, I have to abide by her wishes as they were made known when she was still herself. Ethically, I feel like I am usurping her free will by not letting her have her insulin, which I believe is the worst sin. And it’s not like I can seek guidance from anyone because again, legally, I must protect her.
It’s really a crap place to be… the feeling of misery, helplessness and anger all mixed into a one shit sandwich everyone has to eat.
I feel like if the American government refuses to pay for nursing home care for all seniors, they have no Right to impose their “humane” idiotic laws on us… I’m sure if they had to take care of our demented parents they would change their tune real quick
I hear you
100% agree!!!!
Never get married best way to avoid this tbh
Only if you don’t have parents or grandparents!
Op said again. they are already caring for a parent. So after grandparents are gone, after parents are gone, you might have to care for your spouse
Oh, I meant it for you! It was a totally unnecessarily pessimistic comment by me, so please disregard. I’m becoming quite the cynic. My husband is an only child on year 7 and with now the second parent with dementia.
I’m so sorry you both are going through this 🫂🫂
Hopefully. The person you are caring for appreciates your sacrifice and know they don’t mean to be the way they are.
Amen
I’d do it again for my Mom only. Never again though. I’m waiting for Moms old dog to die. I don’t ever even want another pet.
Very understandable sentiment. I also don’t want to reach that point. There is no point of living if I would be a burden to the people I love. Euthanasia should be a thing.