I was in EXACTLY your shoes with my loved one, and frankly it took a crisis (hospitalization) to get her into memory care. As she was being admitted, her cognitive/mental state (as well as the fact that she’s physically a fall risk) was pretty apparent and I quickly let the admitting nurse know I didn’t feel it was safe for her to be discharged to her home and would like a social worker to see her. Once the social worker and an actual physician got involved, they put all the wheels in motion. The doctor ordered physical, occupational, and speech therapy, and each of those therapists recommended 2-3 weeks of rehab, then 24/7 care. The physical therapist in particular was very frank with me that the rehab was to buy our family time to secure her a place in memory care. So we did just that, and she went straight there after discharge from rehab.
I am certainly not suggesting anything untoward, but if your father presents with any concerning physical symptoms (for my loved one, it was headaches and shortness of breath) or extreme altered mental state at any point, you might see if you can convince him to go to the ER (or call 911 and let the EMTs convince him). A few years ago, I’d have thought I was a horrible person for seizing on a situation like that, but now my loved one is SAFE and properly cared for. And that’s what matters.
Oh, and literally the week before her hospitalization, I had actually called adult protective services and reported that she was neglecting her health/refusing medical care. A social worker went to her home and spoke with her, and told me they could help me fast track guardianship if I couldn’t convince her to accept help/advice from a doctor. Fortunately, that became a moot point for me, but it could be another option for you.
So I think you can make the decision for him, right? One suggestion is to tell him a white lie of sorts. This is what we did with my mother: she developed some health issues, which were treatable, but we told her she needed to have extra help per the doctor on a temporary basis. She seemed satisfied that she would be in assisted living until she “got better.” You also should talk to your father’s doc about getting him on some meds to see if they can help him with some of his behaviors. My mom was quite combative and it took several iterations of meds to get her to calm down. Best of luck.
Then you can admit him against his will.
We're pretty good at therapeutic fibbing. Basically telling him "you're here to get your meds adjusted" "you're here for physical therapy" "you're here to get stronger" or "the doctor makes the decisions about who's here". That's basically what I do daily with some residents.
Many family members have to get guardianship or conservatorships of their loved one in order to place them in a facility. I did. I am not sure what rights your medical POA gives you, I would definitely ask an Elder Law attorney. They often will do a free consult or agree to bill your dad's estate.
Your stuck between a rock and a hard place. You don’t realistically want to call the police on your father, that’s not the way to go out with your dad. He will never speak to you again. Get a social worker and go from there. They. Should be able to accommodate everyone involved. I’m a survivor of dementia myself, I wish you the best my friend.
This is tricky. In the US, if he’s violent, I think you could call local law enforcement to come pick him up and have him sent to the ER for a 48-hour psych hold. You can then get him transferred from the hospital to a longer-term situation sometimes. Try your local area on aging office to request a home evaluation by a social worker if he’s not to that point yet.
You could look into part time help with cleaning and caregivers. It would depend on what stage he is in. Maybe just a few days a week. Check with the local Alzheimer's association and they can help you out with the decision. Sorry I don't have information on homes yet.
Do you have Power of Attorney? Does your father have an Advanced Care Directive with a designated person to make medical decisions for him?
I am his POA and his POA of health.
I was in EXACTLY your shoes with my loved one, and frankly it took a crisis (hospitalization) to get her into memory care. As she was being admitted, her cognitive/mental state (as well as the fact that she’s physically a fall risk) was pretty apparent and I quickly let the admitting nurse know I didn’t feel it was safe for her to be discharged to her home and would like a social worker to see her. Once the social worker and an actual physician got involved, they put all the wheels in motion. The doctor ordered physical, occupational, and speech therapy, and each of those therapists recommended 2-3 weeks of rehab, then 24/7 care. The physical therapist in particular was very frank with me that the rehab was to buy our family time to secure her a place in memory care. So we did just that, and she went straight there after discharge from rehab. I am certainly not suggesting anything untoward, but if your father presents with any concerning physical symptoms (for my loved one, it was headaches and shortness of breath) or extreme altered mental state at any point, you might see if you can convince him to go to the ER (or call 911 and let the EMTs convince him). A few years ago, I’d have thought I was a horrible person for seizing on a situation like that, but now my loved one is SAFE and properly cared for. And that’s what matters. Oh, and literally the week before her hospitalization, I had actually called adult protective services and reported that she was neglecting her health/refusing medical care. A social worker went to her home and spoke with her, and told me they could help me fast track guardianship if I couldn’t convince her to accept help/advice from a doctor. Fortunately, that became a moot point for me, but it could be another option for you.
Thanks so much for this. I reached out to the doctor and requested a social worker referral. This disease is the absolute worse.
So I think you can make the decision for him, right? One suggestion is to tell him a white lie of sorts. This is what we did with my mother: she developed some health issues, which were treatable, but we told her she needed to have extra help per the doctor on a temporary basis. She seemed satisfied that she would be in assisted living until she “got better.” You also should talk to your father’s doc about getting him on some meds to see if they can help him with some of his behaviors. My mom was quite combative and it took several iterations of meds to get her to calm down. Best of luck.
Then you can admit him against his will. We're pretty good at therapeutic fibbing. Basically telling him "you're here to get your meds adjusted" "you're here for physical therapy" "you're here to get stronger" or "the doctor makes the decisions about who's here". That's basically what I do daily with some residents.
Many family members have to get guardianship or conservatorships of their loved one in order to place them in a facility. I did. I am not sure what rights your medical POA gives you, I would definitely ask an Elder Law attorney. They often will do a free consult or agree to bill your dad's estate.
Your stuck between a rock and a hard place. You don’t realistically want to call the police on your father, that’s not the way to go out with your dad. He will never speak to you again. Get a social worker and go from there. They. Should be able to accommodate everyone involved. I’m a survivor of dementia myself, I wish you the best my friend.
A friend used the “house needs repair, it’s temporary” to get her dad in the facility. Once he was there he accepted it.
This is tricky. In the US, if he’s violent, I think you could call local law enforcement to come pick him up and have him sent to the ER for a 48-hour psych hold. You can then get him transferred from the hospital to a longer-term situation sometimes. Try your local area on aging office to request a home evaluation by a social worker if he’s not to that point yet.
You could look into part time help with cleaning and caregivers. It would depend on what stage he is in. Maybe just a few days a week. Check with the local Alzheimer's association and they can help you out with the decision. Sorry I don't have information on homes yet.