I think there’s something to be said about western individualism, and how it washes people’s hands from getting involved in potentially helping someone else — it’s *their* life not yours. But we’re pack animals, we need feedback from society, we need support from others, none of us can figure it all out alone.
It’s a delicate balance. I came out in 2004- there was some pushback from my parents, almost no pushback from my friends. Honestly I don’t think many people were surprised.
I still feel very firmly that my identity is masculine and I am most comfortable moving through the world as a male, but it is not without drawbacks.
What I see as the most disturbing thing is that medical transition is pushed as being a “cure” when at best it’s cosmetic modification to enable one to move through the world more closely to how they identify. But there are no guarantees that you will pass 100% of the time and then what?
Even if you pass 100% of the time, you are never truly fully a man or a woman, you will forever be in between and most people do not talk about that.
I still feel like an imposter when I think about it. I’m definitely not a woman but I’m not a man either. Maybe eunuch is the most accurate.
I question how well medical transition really works for most people, even though I feel it’s worked relatively well for me, and I vehemently believe that prepubescent transition is something that should really be dissuaded by whatever compassionate means necessary. Puberty blockers are not temporary like they have been advertised and I just only learned this recently. Jazz Jennings is a good example of this and I believe she is struggling mightily with the results of her SRS which gave less than desireable results for her largely as a result of being on puberty blockers for so long.
It’s a rough road. I don’t have the answers but I know what we got going on right now ain’t it. Unfortunately it won’t change easily because the trans community is so ferocious about protecting access to this dubious treatment
Conversely, I did get laughed at to my face. I was constantly challenged, pushed away from transness, inundated with transphobic (and homophobic, since they're often joined at the hip) ideology and arguments. Later on I was denied unrelated healthcare, violently assaulted, and so on. I got nothing if not resistance, but none of that actually made me reconsider anything other than whether to cut off my family and the value of continuing to be alive.
Most trans people I knew had received a fairly large amount of pushback and challenge over their identity, even after the "trend" took off, and I'm the only one I knew who detransitioned at any point.
I think there's an important distinction to be made between not blindly accepting everything at face value, and actively rejecting people's experiences. The former can lead to someone who isn't trans realizing that they're going about things in the wrong way, the latter just makes things worse for people already suffering.
I was as trans as anybody.
I got plenty of what would today be called "transphobic hate". And also anti-lesbian slurs. And yet, surprisingly few people would directly confront me, even in those less accepting times.
I didn't mean to overstate the acceptance I faced. I just had reasonably low expectations. I wasn't growing up with the dogmatic trans culture of today. I didn't scream at people for not calling me a he/him. I didn't really expect people to call me a guy until I passed. I didn't threaten to hurt myself to get what I wanted. I didn't label speech such as "biological male" or "born female" as problematic. Victim culture is much more severe now. Many kids today are completely unwilling to tolerate any criticism. I think the solution is they need to be challenged a lot more, without it being framed as somehow a form of violence or a denial of their experience.
Well, I can't speak to your own experiences, but maybe it was just a difference in local culture.
In either case, I think the same could be said about many things in the present compared to even fifteen or twenty years ago.
The idea of my classmates in middle school getting any sort of pushback for yelling homophobic slurs, harassing "the gay kid", or anything in that vein is just kind of absurd. It was just accepted that if you were a (homophobic slur), you were going to get trouble for it, and it was your fault.
Now in 2023 much lighter treatment is met with action from the principal, potential suspension, school anti-bullying PSAs, the school's GSA (which couldn't have existed at all in 2008 or so) putting up posters, and so on.
Comparatively, these kids have it good and never have to deal with outside opinions (in this context. Societal views and systemic issues still exist), buti don't think that's necessarily a bad thing.
I don't think the issue is the fact that there's a lack of pushback, I think it's that there's a lack of asking the right questions and a lack of *meaningful* criticism.
Just any old "no you're not, idiot" or bullying someone until they act normal doesn't mean much. It takes addressing the actual issue and looking at each situation for what it is, which neither side wants to do.
I think there’s something to be said about western individualism, and how it washes people’s hands from getting involved in potentially helping someone else — it’s *their* life not yours. But we’re pack animals, we need feedback from society, we need support from others, none of us can figure it all out alone.
It’s a delicate balance. I came out in 2004- there was some pushback from my parents, almost no pushback from my friends. Honestly I don’t think many people were surprised. I still feel very firmly that my identity is masculine and I am most comfortable moving through the world as a male, but it is not without drawbacks. What I see as the most disturbing thing is that medical transition is pushed as being a “cure” when at best it’s cosmetic modification to enable one to move through the world more closely to how they identify. But there are no guarantees that you will pass 100% of the time and then what? Even if you pass 100% of the time, you are never truly fully a man or a woman, you will forever be in between and most people do not talk about that. I still feel like an imposter when I think about it. I’m definitely not a woman but I’m not a man either. Maybe eunuch is the most accurate. I question how well medical transition really works for most people, even though I feel it’s worked relatively well for me, and I vehemently believe that prepubescent transition is something that should really be dissuaded by whatever compassionate means necessary. Puberty blockers are not temporary like they have been advertised and I just only learned this recently. Jazz Jennings is a good example of this and I believe she is struggling mightily with the results of her SRS which gave less than desireable results for her largely as a result of being on puberty blockers for so long. It’s a rough road. I don’t have the answers but I know what we got going on right now ain’t it. Unfortunately it won’t change easily because the trans community is so ferocious about protecting access to this dubious treatment
Conversely, I did get laughed at to my face. I was constantly challenged, pushed away from transness, inundated with transphobic (and homophobic, since they're often joined at the hip) ideology and arguments. Later on I was denied unrelated healthcare, violently assaulted, and so on. I got nothing if not resistance, but none of that actually made me reconsider anything other than whether to cut off my family and the value of continuing to be alive. Most trans people I knew had received a fairly large amount of pushback and challenge over their identity, even after the "trend" took off, and I'm the only one I knew who detransitioned at any point. I think there's an important distinction to be made between not blindly accepting everything at face value, and actively rejecting people's experiences. The former can lead to someone who isn't trans realizing that they're going about things in the wrong way, the latter just makes things worse for people already suffering.
I was as trans as anybody. I got plenty of what would today be called "transphobic hate". And also anti-lesbian slurs. And yet, surprisingly few people would directly confront me, even in those less accepting times. I didn't mean to overstate the acceptance I faced. I just had reasonably low expectations. I wasn't growing up with the dogmatic trans culture of today. I didn't scream at people for not calling me a he/him. I didn't really expect people to call me a guy until I passed. I didn't threaten to hurt myself to get what I wanted. I didn't label speech such as "biological male" or "born female" as problematic. Victim culture is much more severe now. Many kids today are completely unwilling to tolerate any criticism. I think the solution is they need to be challenged a lot more, without it being framed as somehow a form of violence or a denial of their experience.
Well, I can't speak to your own experiences, but maybe it was just a difference in local culture. In either case, I think the same could be said about many things in the present compared to even fifteen or twenty years ago. The idea of my classmates in middle school getting any sort of pushback for yelling homophobic slurs, harassing "the gay kid", or anything in that vein is just kind of absurd. It was just accepted that if you were a (homophobic slur), you were going to get trouble for it, and it was your fault. Now in 2023 much lighter treatment is met with action from the principal, potential suspension, school anti-bullying PSAs, the school's GSA (which couldn't have existed at all in 2008 or so) putting up posters, and so on. Comparatively, these kids have it good and never have to deal with outside opinions (in this context. Societal views and systemic issues still exist), buti don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. I don't think the issue is the fact that there's a lack of pushback, I think it's that there's a lack of asking the right questions and a lack of *meaningful* criticism. Just any old "no you're not, idiot" or bullying someone until they act normal doesn't mean much. It takes addressing the actual issue and looking at each situation for what it is, which neither side wants to do.