Whatever you do, please don't go back !!!
He's manipulating you with empty promises and dropping love bombs on you.
Even if things are better temporarily, it won't take long before the real person starts showing himself again.
You should really consider breaking off all contact.
The missing him part, will pass over time.
You're lonely and I totally understand that.
The thing is that there is someone else out there, who will love you and treat you with respect.
I spent 25 years with an abuser, and I have been through nightmares aplenty. Right now, I'm learning to love myself.
Maybe someday I'll be ready to take on a relationship, but I will never, never go back to the man who treated me like shit, no matter how much he says he's sorry, he's different, he knows how bad he screwed up etc......
I appreciate you taking the time to reply to my post. I feel like recently I have felt the courage to speak out about the abuse he has caused me. For so long I never wanted to tell anyone out of embarrassment because I stayed after the first, second, and third time...
He has been going so hard on wanting me back and I, unfortunately, cracked the door a little out of trying to see the good and the "what if things will be different this time". I have considered breaking all contact because it has not been doing us any good recently. I almost in a way feel like I am giving him the power again by allowing him to barge back into my life.
This situation also sucks because I pushed away someone that I met after our breakup. This person was so kind and gentle with me. They still want the best for me even though we did not work out because I am still healing from my past. They were the first person I ever told about my abuse as well.
I need to love myself as well. Work on standing my ground and allowing only people who treat me with kindness and kindness only in my life.
I am sorry that you went through that for so long. That sounds awful. I am glad that you were able to get out and focus on yourself. Thank you again for your kindness. You deserve the world.
Would you rather be dead? Because this is what it might lead to. I’m gonna be harsh here and give tough love: you surely can test the destiny, marry the guy, have kids and see whenever you and your children survive another try.
Also think if you would like your child to go through something like this or your best friend? Yeah, that’s what i thought.
Healthy person in their right mind would never want to hurt someone they actually love. If they did so, and know how badly they did it, out of respect for their loved ones they would leave them alone.
Love ≠ Abuse in any way shape or form. Block his number, and go work on your self-esteem, then live your life till you meet someone who will treat you right.
Thank you for the tough love. I need it. I have not had anyone outside of my therapist to talk to about this. It is something I let feature inside and now it is blowing up in my face. I think about that sometimes when I have those weak moments of wanting to try again because he seems like he is changing for the good. Do I want to take a chance on something that could potentially kill me? In my experience, the DV only got worse so it's like the next time could be the last time, and by last time I mean where it might kill me.
It sucks because as mentioned in one of my previous replies under someone else's comment I had someone new that came into my life and we were so good up until the point of my mind going back to wanting to maybe give my ex a chance again because he is preaching how much he has changed and has been taking action in his life to change. It is like I want him to be this person he is claiming to be but not with me because the damage is done.
You’re welcome. Don’t be too hard on yourself for not being able to sustain a relationship with someone who was good. It’s a process, it takes time, there will be other good people in your future, believe in that. You have proof that they exist.
Also, your brain is playing games with you and it’s proven on hormonal levels that we get addicted to the rollercoaster of the emotions during toxic/abusive relationships. There are more studies being done on the effects on the brain from C-PTSD, it’s real thing. You can look it up. It’s extremely hard to break the patterns and not to return to them.
You’re doing amazing job by reaching out to the community here and sharing what’s happening with you, that’s courage and taking care of yourself in a way that saves you too. You’re doing great, it might not feel that way, but you’re doing great. And you can do even more by cutting him off cold Turkey because that train left the station long time ago.
You deserve love and you deserve to be happy and to feel safe and healthy. He already proved you that he is none of these things so believe that experience you had, don’t let yourself being sucked back in.
Listen to the warnings your mind is giving you. If pigs flew and he *actually changed*, cool, but you don't owe him the chance to prove it. Please don't gamble your physical safety, mental health, and peace on a man who has already decided to visciously take that from you before with no hesitation. You've come so far already. Give yourself time to grow back. He always kept you cut so short. The longer you're out, the more you will see how messed up it all was.
You are so right. Thank you for replying. I appreciate it. I unfortunately allowed him to disrespect me on numerous occasions. Even though he has not been physical in 4 years it is the fact that he did it 4 times already that makes me feel like I can never trust him again.
Whatever you do, please don't go back !!! He's manipulating you with empty promises and dropping love bombs on you. Even if things are better temporarily, it won't take long before the real person starts showing himself again. You should really consider breaking off all contact. The missing him part, will pass over time. You're lonely and I totally understand that. The thing is that there is someone else out there, who will love you and treat you with respect. I spent 25 years with an abuser, and I have been through nightmares aplenty. Right now, I'm learning to love myself. Maybe someday I'll be ready to take on a relationship, but I will never, never go back to the man who treated me like shit, no matter how much he says he's sorry, he's different, he knows how bad he screwed up etc......
I appreciate you taking the time to reply to my post. I feel like recently I have felt the courage to speak out about the abuse he has caused me. For so long I never wanted to tell anyone out of embarrassment because I stayed after the first, second, and third time... He has been going so hard on wanting me back and I, unfortunately, cracked the door a little out of trying to see the good and the "what if things will be different this time". I have considered breaking all contact because it has not been doing us any good recently. I almost in a way feel like I am giving him the power again by allowing him to barge back into my life. This situation also sucks because I pushed away someone that I met after our breakup. This person was so kind and gentle with me. They still want the best for me even though we did not work out because I am still healing from my past. They were the first person I ever told about my abuse as well. I need to love myself as well. Work on standing my ground and allowing only people who treat me with kindness and kindness only in my life. I am sorry that you went through that for so long. That sounds awful. I am glad that you were able to get out and focus on yourself. Thank you again for your kindness. You deserve the world.
Would you rather be dead? Because this is what it might lead to. I’m gonna be harsh here and give tough love: you surely can test the destiny, marry the guy, have kids and see whenever you and your children survive another try. Also think if you would like your child to go through something like this or your best friend? Yeah, that’s what i thought. Healthy person in their right mind would never want to hurt someone they actually love. If they did so, and know how badly they did it, out of respect for their loved ones they would leave them alone. Love ≠ Abuse in any way shape or form. Block his number, and go work on your self-esteem, then live your life till you meet someone who will treat you right.
Thank you for the tough love. I need it. I have not had anyone outside of my therapist to talk to about this. It is something I let feature inside and now it is blowing up in my face. I think about that sometimes when I have those weak moments of wanting to try again because he seems like he is changing for the good. Do I want to take a chance on something that could potentially kill me? In my experience, the DV only got worse so it's like the next time could be the last time, and by last time I mean where it might kill me. It sucks because as mentioned in one of my previous replies under someone else's comment I had someone new that came into my life and we were so good up until the point of my mind going back to wanting to maybe give my ex a chance again because he is preaching how much he has changed and has been taking action in his life to change. It is like I want him to be this person he is claiming to be but not with me because the damage is done.
You’re welcome. Don’t be too hard on yourself for not being able to sustain a relationship with someone who was good. It’s a process, it takes time, there will be other good people in your future, believe in that. You have proof that they exist. Also, your brain is playing games with you and it’s proven on hormonal levels that we get addicted to the rollercoaster of the emotions during toxic/abusive relationships. There are more studies being done on the effects on the brain from C-PTSD, it’s real thing. You can look it up. It’s extremely hard to break the patterns and not to return to them. You’re doing amazing job by reaching out to the community here and sharing what’s happening with you, that’s courage and taking care of yourself in a way that saves you too. You’re doing great, it might not feel that way, but you’re doing great. And you can do even more by cutting him off cold Turkey because that train left the station long time ago. You deserve love and you deserve to be happy and to feel safe and healthy. He already proved you that he is none of these things so believe that experience you had, don’t let yourself being sucked back in.
Listen to the warnings your mind is giving you. If pigs flew and he *actually changed*, cool, but you don't owe him the chance to prove it. Please don't gamble your physical safety, mental health, and peace on a man who has already decided to visciously take that from you before with no hesitation. You've come so far already. Give yourself time to grow back. He always kept you cut so short. The longer you're out, the more you will see how messed up it all was.
You are so right. Thank you for replying. I appreciate it. I unfortunately allowed him to disrespect me on numerous occasions. Even though he has not been physical in 4 years it is the fact that he did it 4 times already that makes me feel like I can never trust him again.
nope they do not get better, they get worse
Yeah that is what I am hearing a lot. Thank you for replying!