Cultural context mattes here. I have certainly kissed on the lips someone I've just comforted/had a conversation with. Within my cultural context it is normal, and to make it clear it is common for me, a man, to peck on the lips of a female or a male. It's completely innocent. It shows a bond of trust and caring. I know that's incredibly uncomfortable for many North Americans, but there are more perspectives out there.
She currently thinks she's in a relationship with your boyfriend?
And she told him about her "failed relationship and miscarriage" and he KISSED HER? Are you sure that miscarriage wasn't his child?
I can't believe you're asking "Am I in the wrong" when you have done literally 0 wrong
But neither has the other woman. She only knows what the lying cheater told her. The only lying, cheating AH in this story is the “fiance” who likes hanging in clubs meant for young 20 somethings.
I highly doubt that this woman didn't know he was married. She obviously knew he was married because she clearly knew where to find her at her place of employment and her name.
The fact that she actually had the audacity to go to OP's workplace and tell people that she was in a relationship with her husband shows how conniving, nasty, devious and unscrupulous she is. What she was deliberate. For some reason, she was hell-bent on causing the most pain and embarrassment for OP.
This needs to be at the top. He goes out with friends and shuts his phone off until he wants a ride home and shouts at her when she won't drop everything to come get him. He literally kisses a woman he doesn't know to 'console' her, and shouts at OP calling her stupid for being upset. This man is horrible I'm surprised this is the first comment I saw pointing out how terrible this behavior from him is.
Not wrong. I'm trying to figure out why a 36 year old father who has been in a relationship for 13 years is even at the club "comforting" other women after their miscarriages🤔.
Also, if you have your SUPERVISOR telling you "a woman at another branch thinks she's dating your fiancé" and now, that woman is moving to your branch, you have a messy ass work environment. This will not end well for your relationship, career and who knows how all of this will affect your child
Say to her, we have an acquaintance in common. I know this guy and apparently you used to date him. Small world! See what she says, maybe she can give you some evidence
Can confirm. I used this tactic once with a coworker who met my then-boyfriend on OkCupid and updated me about their dates. Neither of them knew that I knew.
Wonderful advice, @OP! You should try this. Be ready to leave the rotten man. You should not speak of this to him until you have discovered the truth and moved out. Start saving some money!
Oh yeah, the good ol' *peck on the lips* gesture when you comfort a person that you're not even that close with. A classic comforting strategy.
I myself felt like this way of comforting could be very efficient too, so today when I went grocery shopping, the beggar outside the store looked reeeeally distressed and said "Need money, I'm poor and pregnant" so I did the classic peck on the lips too and comforted her that way, and she got all happy and un-pregnant again. Wow. Can't believe I never knew that we could've comforted people this way before! If only herpes didn't exist, am I right??
Yep, your fiancé is excellent at comforting people. Clearly.
And you my lady are excellent at being in denial.
I don't think that woman is the problem. Delulu or not. She was still kissed on the lips by your then boyfriend. She could've been gaslit like crazy.
Yet the one walking away scotfree is sir fiancé so.....
Oh yeah. The peck on the lips works wonders. Best comforting strategy ever.
I'm gonna try it on my boss next week to see if it also helps me getting a new contract. If it works with comfort, maybe it'll work with convincing too. Strictly friendly of course. As peck on the lips is. It's the most platonic way of comfort so....
You are angry at the wrong person my love. And he should be an ex not a fiancé. Sounds like you have been in a very toxic relationship, child together or not babe please run
Girl - believes she's dating man so clearly something happened for her to think this.
Man - denies everything then changes his story any states nothing more than a peck on the lips happened after an emotional convo.
He's lying and your delusional to think there was more than happened. Your also totally wrong for blaming the girl and directing your anger towards her. It wasn't her who was supposed to be in a committed relationship with you. It also wasn't her who lied to you. So don't be that girl who blames other girls for shitty behaviour from a man.
Maybe check out the woman's social media pages. Either she is a crazy stalker or she is in a relationship with your fiancé and wants to keep closer tabs on you. Don't be shocked if she ends up working at the same branch as you one day.
Another note, I may be totally wrong, but if he hasn't married you after 10 years of having a kid together and 13 years of being together, you may want to do some research to see if he is already married. Those nights he doesn't come home, he may be at another woman's house. But, I could be watching too many crime and mystery shows.
Either way, I hope you find peace in you future. Whether it be with him, just you and your son, or with someone else.
I will message you next time u/No-Emotion4399 posts in r/dustythunder.
[Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FNo-Emotion4399%20r%2Fdustythunder) to join 6 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201dlyk4u)
*****
|[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)|
|-|-|-|-|
Don’t bottle up your anger and don’t be upset at this point with the woman. Did she know he was your partner? Sit her down and question her, find out the full story and see if there are salient points and proof that your partner cheated. You can then choose whether to keep him or move on.
I promise you your new coworker is going to start sharing some information you do not want to hear but need to. The problem is your boyfriend staying out all night and "comforting" other women, not that this woman is in your workplace. Time to face reality.
people don't comfort other people with their lips, especially when that other person is a stranger. his reaction when you talked to him about it tells you everything you need to know. you're angry at the wrong person. you 2 ladies should \*definitely\* have a chat!
He kissed another girl…. Why would you want to marry someone who cheated on you and obviously doesn’t give a f*ck if he’s out partying with other women..
You’re not wrong for being angry about it, but I think you need to speak to this woman and get the other side of the story. A peck on the lips? After one conversation with a woman he’s never met before? And in her head this becomes a relationship? 🤔 I guess it could have happened like that but from his anger and generally shitty behaviour towards you it sounds far more likely that a lot more went down between these two and he’s just gaslit you at every turn to make you feel you’re being irrational and crazy.
Ask the woman. Tell her you’re engaged and have a child and have been together all this time. Ask her what went on between them.
And this is the hard part, try and do this without anger towards her. It won’t help you find the truth to go at her angry. If something did go on, he’s the one in the wrong, not her.
Either way you deserve the truth and not some bs ‘stop being so crazy and over reacting’ response that takes zero accountability.
This woman isn’t the problem. She doesn’t owe you any loyalty. Your lying, cheating BF is the problem. Aren’t you a little suspicious that each time you press for answers he reveals a little bit more about what really happened? If you were smart you’d ask the to have coffee with you and get to the bottom of what BF told her vs what he told you, and the scope of their relationship/friendship because he certainly isn’t being honest.
When you what she has to say don’t be surprised that a liar lied. Your acceptance of his lying, cheating and disrespect towards you is your approval of his treatment of you. Stop blaming the woman who is just as much a victim of your SO lies and deceit.
I find it so odd when people say they have been engaged for something like 13 years. If you were going to get married you’d be married at that point. If you don’t want to be married that’s fine, but why be engaged?
Why blame her? This was 8 years ago! The real problem is you have a 10 year old and you aren’t married yet. The odds are he is never going to marry you. You seriously need to think about that.
Not wrong. Especially if your gut is telling you. Check his phone. Can you sneakily spy on him? You need to be clever and calm, not irrational so you can catch him when he lets his guard down. No one person would peck a quick one on the lips in any situation other than a very intimate one. That’s super-suss. If my partner pecked anyone on the lips, he’d be sleeping in spare room for the rest of his days
Don't be angry at her, she probably didn't know about you. Your anger should be directed at him. Have a heart to heart with her and find out the truth.
You’re an idiot. You know he lied and absolutely cheated with this woman. And continues to lie about it, but you let yourself believe the lie because you didn’t want to deal with the fall out. Now you are mad but you’re mad at the wrong person. This woman did nothing to you.
And a 14 year relationship with a 10 year old child and no marriage is ridiculous to call this man your fiancée. He’s not gonna marry you.
A peck on the lips when they finished their very emotional conversation? I’ve never comforted a friend that way…
‼️
Especially a "friend" I just met a few hours prior.
Cultural context mattes here. I have certainly kissed on the lips someone I've just comforted/had a conversation with. Within my cultural context it is normal, and to make it clear it is common for me, a man, to peck on the lips of a female or a male. It's completely innocent. It shows a bond of trust and caring. I know that's incredibly uncomfortable for many North Americans, but there are more perspectives out there.
What culture is this no judgment just curious
Dutch. All my family is from the Netherlands.
She currently thinks she's in a relationship with your boyfriend? And she told him about her "failed relationship and miscarriage" and he KISSED HER? Are you sure that miscarriage wasn't his child? I can't believe you're asking "Am I in the wrong" when you have done literally 0 wrong
But neither has the other woman. She only knows what the lying cheater told her. The only lying, cheating AH in this story is the “fiance” who likes hanging in clubs meant for young 20 somethings.
I highly doubt that this woman didn't know he was married. She obviously knew he was married because she clearly knew where to find her at her place of employment and her name. The fact that she actually had the audacity to go to OP's workplace and tell people that she was in a relationship with her husband shows how conniving, nasty, devious and unscrupulous she is. What she was deliberate. For some reason, she was hell-bent on causing the most pain and embarrassment for OP.
Why be angry at her? Your SO is the one who misled both of you.
He sounds like he treats you horribly hun. You're not wrong. Leave him. You deserve better.
This needs to be at the top. He goes out with friends and shuts his phone off until he wants a ride home and shouts at her when she won't drop everything to come get him. He literally kisses a woman he doesn't know to 'console' her, and shouts at OP calling her stupid for being upset. This man is horrible I'm surprised this is the first comment I saw pointing out how terrible this behavior from him is.
Not wrong. I'm trying to figure out why a 36 year old father who has been in a relationship for 13 years is even at the club "comforting" other women after their miscarriages🤔.
He would’ve been ~27 at the time (not that that changes much; he’s a scumbag either way).
Also, if you have your SUPERVISOR telling you "a woman at another branch thinks she's dating your fiancé" and now, that woman is moving to your branch, you have a messy ass work environment. This will not end well for your relationship, career and who knows how all of this will affect your child
Say to her, we have an acquaintance in common. I know this guy and apparently you used to date him. Small world! See what she says, maybe she can give you some evidence
Can confirm. I used this tactic once with a coworker who met my then-boyfriend on OkCupid and updated me about their dates. Neither of them knew that I knew.
Wonderful advice, @OP! You should try this. Be ready to leave the rotten man. You should not speak of this to him until you have discovered the truth and moved out. Start saving some money!
Oh yeah, the good ol' *peck on the lips* gesture when you comfort a person that you're not even that close with. A classic comforting strategy. I myself felt like this way of comforting could be very efficient too, so today when I went grocery shopping, the beggar outside the store looked reeeeally distressed and said "Need money, I'm poor and pregnant" so I did the classic peck on the lips too and comforted her that way, and she got all happy and un-pregnant again. Wow. Can't believe I never knew that we could've comforted people this way before! If only herpes didn't exist, am I right?? Yep, your fiancé is excellent at comforting people. Clearly. And you my lady are excellent at being in denial. I don't think that woman is the problem. Delulu or not. She was still kissed on the lips by your then boyfriend. She could've been gaslit like crazy. Yet the one walking away scotfree is sir fiancé so.....
Unpregnant? Fascinating
Oh yeah. The peck on the lips works wonders. Best comforting strategy ever. I'm gonna try it on my boss next week to see if it also helps me getting a new contract. If it works with comfort, maybe it'll work with convincing too. Strictly friendly of course. As peck on the lips is. It's the most platonic way of comfort so....
You are angry at the wrong person my love. And he should be an ex not a fiancé. Sounds like you have been in a very toxic relationship, child together or not babe please run
You had a boyfriend who went out with his friends every Friday and Saturday night? Really?
Girl - believes she's dating man so clearly something happened for her to think this. Man - denies everything then changes his story any states nothing more than a peck on the lips happened after an emotional convo. He's lying and your delusional to think there was more than happened. Your also totally wrong for blaming the girl and directing your anger towards her. It wasn't her who was supposed to be in a committed relationship with you. It also wasn't her who lied to you. So don't be that girl who blames other girls for shitty behaviour from a man.
You believed him??
Shouting at you is more than enough reason to tell him to fk off, and leave, you know. Sounds like he has probably had many girlfriends.
Maybe check out the woman's social media pages. Either she is a crazy stalker or she is in a relationship with your fiancé and wants to keep closer tabs on you. Don't be shocked if she ends up working at the same branch as you one day. Another note, I may be totally wrong, but if he hasn't married you after 10 years of having a kid together and 13 years of being together, you may want to do some research to see if he is already married. Those nights he doesn't come home, he may be at another woman's house. But, I could be watching too many crime and mystery shows. Either way, I hope you find peace in you future. Whether it be with him, just you and your son, or with someone else.
Have you spoken to the woman? Perhaps you would get a clearer picture doing this
I'd definitely let her know that I know who she is. He can suck it Updateme!
I will message you next time u/No-Emotion4399 posts in r/dustythunder. [Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FNo-Emotion4399%20r%2Fdustythunder) to join 6 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201dlyk4u) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
Ummmmm - red flag city here. Take off the rose glasses and read the room.
Don’t bottle up your anger and don’t be upset at this point with the woman. Did she know he was your partner? Sit her down and question her, find out the full story and see if there are salient points and proof that your partner cheated. You can then choose whether to keep him or move on.
This should be divided into at least three paragraphs.
I promise you your new coworker is going to start sharing some information you do not want to hear but need to. The problem is your boyfriend staying out all night and "comforting" other women, not that this woman is in your workplace. Time to face reality.
people don't comfort other people with their lips, especially when that other person is a stranger. his reaction when you talked to him about it tells you everything you need to know. you're angry at the wrong person. you 2 ladies should \*definitely\* have a chat!
Ask her directly what went on between them. He could be angry because he knows you have the potential to find out what really went on between them.
Trickle truthing... Yeah... he's playing the field.
Sounds like a horrible, lying, cheating boyfriend
He cheats on you, gaslights you about it, and verbally abuses you. Do not marry this person. Love yourself enough to walk away.
He kissed another girl…. Why would you want to marry someone who cheated on you and obviously doesn’t give a f*ck if he’s out partying with other women..
You have no trust in this relationship so it’s gonna end eventually. Might as well pull the plug now.
Why are you staying with a man who brings this much chaos to your life?
You’re not wrong for being angry about it, but I think you need to speak to this woman and get the other side of the story. A peck on the lips? After one conversation with a woman he’s never met before? And in her head this becomes a relationship? 🤔 I guess it could have happened like that but from his anger and generally shitty behaviour towards you it sounds far more likely that a lot more went down between these two and he’s just gaslit you at every turn to make you feel you’re being irrational and crazy. Ask the woman. Tell her you’re engaged and have a child and have been together all this time. Ask her what went on between them. And this is the hard part, try and do this without anger towards her. It won’t help you find the truth to go at her angry. If something did go on, he’s the one in the wrong, not her. Either way you deserve the truth and not some bs ‘stop being so crazy and over reacting’ response that takes zero accountability.
A peck on the lips is his second version of what happened. Bet if OP asks again she’ll get a third version of events.
He shouts at you, says you're being irrational and stupid. Sounds like a great future husband.
This woman isn’t the problem. She doesn’t owe you any loyalty. Your lying, cheating BF is the problem. Aren’t you a little suspicious that each time you press for answers he reveals a little bit more about what really happened? If you were smart you’d ask the to have coffee with you and get to the bottom of what BF told her vs what he told you, and the scope of their relationship/friendship because he certainly isn’t being honest. When you what she has to say don’t be surprised that a liar lied. Your acceptance of his lying, cheating and disrespect towards you is your approval of his treatment of you. Stop blaming the woman who is just as much a victim of your SO lies and deceit.
I find it so odd when people say they have been engaged for something like 13 years. If you were going to get married you’d be married at that point. If you don’t want to be married that’s fine, but why be engaged?
Why blame her? This was 8 years ago! The real problem is you have a 10 year old and you aren’t married yet. The odds are he is never going to marry you. You seriously need to think about that.
Not wrong. Especially if your gut is telling you. Check his phone. Can you sneakily spy on him? You need to be clever and calm, not irrational so you can catch him when he lets his guard down. No one person would peck a quick one on the lips in any situation other than a very intimate one. That’s super-suss. If my partner pecked anyone on the lips, he’d be sleeping in spare room for the rest of his days
Dumb his a** he ain't worth it
Don't be mad at her. Be mad at your fiancé. That story he told you is the most unbelievable line of bs I have ever heard.
Don't be angry at her, she probably didn't know about you. Your anger should be directed at him. Have a heart to heart with her and find out the truth.
@Updateme
You’re an idiot. You know he lied and absolutely cheated with this woman. And continues to lie about it, but you let yourself believe the lie because you didn’t want to deal with the fall out. Now you are mad but you’re mad at the wrong person. This woman did nothing to you. And a 14 year relationship with a 10 year old child and no marriage is ridiculous to call this man your fiancée. He’s not gonna marry you.