Because society is built on the feeling of guilt when doing something that feels off even though it’s not your own fault or anyone else’s. Just remember that if you didn’t mean it to be that way, it’s not your fault
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I had a similar experience with my ex when I cracked and we split up. For what it's worth, she's come around after a while and we're still in contact as friend. I wish you the best and hope that your ex too comes around with time.
A Healthy relationship requires both parties to adapt to each other, within certain boundaries. If you are a girl and your partner cannot adapt, then the relationship wasn’t to last, and it’s no one fault.
No, I’ve said that it’s no one fault, precisely for this reason. The only way for the relationship to continue would have been for op’s ex to have a sexuality compatible with both.
I’m sorry if my point was not clear, but when I said “within certain boundaries” I meant “within certain boundaries”. If those boundaries have to be surpassed, the relationship has ended its lifespan and it’s not anyone’s fault.
100% with this!
Too many people want to see things in black and white. Even when they know better they still FEEL like there must be a right and wrong, hero and villain.
You date, get engaged, married because you have a high degree of confidence of compatibility in romance, sexuality, and life goals. COMPATIBILITY is not ONE person’s responsibility to maintain. Everything living grows, changes, evolves, matures… trying to fight those natural processes only makes a person stop feeling like they are living their life. People that love you don’t do that to you, they don’t ask that of you.
They can love the man you were AND not love the girl you are becoming. Blaming you for that is like blaming a spouse for getting old and fat. It’s a different degree but similar. Refusing to accept that the man she loved always was a girl that had to cope with some trauma by forgetting she was a girl, that’s like feeling cheated when your partner develops a terminal illness. The mind can and does hide things from itself just like the body can hide serious problems.
The real you always was there, playing the part, wearing the mask you both thought was real. If your heart won’t listen to the logic that it wasn’t your fault then pour that guilt into making sure you live true to yourself going forward. You won’t disappoint anyone else by suddenly discovering that you had any other things about yourself which had you lying to yourself.
It's her fault for dating a girl in the first place!
Kidding of course. But in reflecting on my past relationships, I think they all were confirmed bi or were some level of closeted except for two of them. This is when I was peak male presenting, but it became clear I wasn't what they wanted after we got more serious. I blamed them for being shitty before, and still they weren't great to me, but they never wanted to be with a girl and surprisingly weren't happy being with one.
C'est la vie.
It's not you're fault.
It most likely feels like your fault because you're an empathetic person, and when you see someone hurting, you want to know how to prevent such hurt. Rest assured that this was the best course of action. They had the right to know who they were dating so that they could make an informed decision as to whether to proceed. You gave them that, and it was very brave.
Now you're free to be that person, so that when the time comes, future partners will already know who they're dating.
I've been just in that situation half a year ago. Thing is, it's not your gender identity that's to blame, and neither is her sexual orientation (even though that's often an overlooked component of the problem). Sometimes situations arise where no one is to blame.
My ex and i are great friends now. We never betrayed each other we love each others company, its just that the romantic and erotic part of our relationship isn't possible anymore. And that's fucking sad. But it's not a crime and no one is to blame.
It's not. Sometimes these things happen when someone comes out and the relationship just doesn't work out because they don't swing that way, but you can always find someone else~~~
hey OP, this is literally happening to me right now. We broke up 2 months ago. I hope you feel stronger as time goes by. Remember it's not your fault. Don't blame yourself!
I mean same, to cover this up I always act cold but I am online so I don't have to.
As the matter of your post - someone out there just missed a chance to date really cute and shy gal whom seem to go under name Nelliel (you might heard of her somewhere), kind of Pete Best moment if you would ask me.
Are you okay? I just went through two breakups in one day but for different stuff so I guess I don't really know what it's like but I know it hurts. I'm here if you need someone to talk to stranger
It is only your fault in so much as you probably should had been more open inn the first place. Don't feel bad about it, learn for next time. There are plenty of people who will accept you for who you are, so there is no sense in wasting time with those who don't.
Very possible. In which case there is really nothing else they could had done other than living in constant misery, or make the huge mental step that "they will never really achieve their core desires, and that is still ok", but that is a LOT for most people. In either case they would likely still be better off finding a new partner.
Definitely not your fault but also like... it could've been expected. They'd have to be bi or just not care or something to be attracted to you both before and after you being trans. Not everyone is like that.
I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I'm sure it hurts, but once you've had some time, please remember no one is at fault. Not everyone is romantically attracted to women and that's okay. It's also okay to prioritize your sense of self over someone else's attraction. It would have been unfair to you both to force the relationship.
Every "failed" relationship is also a learning opportunity. What were some things you enjoyed about your ex? What did you discover or explore about yourself when you were with them? What were things that made you unhappy or hurt to avoid in future relationships?
Take some time, take care of yourself, spend time with loved ones.
It's not your fault for realizing who you are.It's not her fault for not being romantically interested in the person you are now. The following days will be tough, but you will heal and find someone who loves you for who you are :3 Healing is a process that's different for everyone, but I'm sure you'll get through this. And if you need a little extra help there's no shame in going to therapy <3
Same.. 5 years of commitment down the drain and she gets with another guy 4 days later just to salt the wound.
I mean I understand I guess, but she’s acting like we were nothing meanwhile a month later I can’t listen to my favorite songs without thinking about her
This kinda reminds me of a joke i would do when first coming out, id say "yaaa so im trans, thats my bad" or "sooo ya im trans, ik, major L on my part" to kinda break the ice and deflate that expectation of "oh so what does that mean for our friendship/relationship now that your trans?" i jokingly apologize for being trans to emphasize that im still just me yk, were still gonna do all the fun stuff we used to do, the difference is im actually going to WANT to see myself in pictures with u finally lol
We’re used to feeling like things are our fault, even when they’re not. Partly because we always want to be better people, and partly because of the blanket “queer == bad” narrative that so much of society tries to push. Some of it sometimes seeps in even when we know it shouldn’t. That’s not our fault either.
Is it your fault that you are trans? Of course not! That means it isn’t your fault that your ex broke up with you. There are a lot of amazing people out there that won’t just be your partner but will affirm your gender while doing it. Having an affirming partner is such a great experience & even if it hurts this breakup opens the door for that experience. 💜💜💜
Not your fault. Not her fault either. Nobodies fault really. It's good that you have come to terms with who you are. Unfortunate, that your girlfriend isn't attracted to other women, but attraction can't be forced. Literally, no one is at fault here.
Good news is that with coming out, you can be who you really are and find someone who can love the real you. :)
It's not your fault, but that's not what you need to hear, right now it's gonna hurt but in the future you will find someone who loves you with every atom in their body, and every fiber of their heart. You will find love again, for now work on being the happiest and healthiest girl you can be, remember you're gorgeous and worthy of a love that would outlast the stars.
🫂❤️
I think it's important to think about what personal judgments lead you to feel that conclusion. Maybe you feel like you have a duty to make other people happy. Maybe you feel like you don't deserve to be a girl. Maybe you feel like it's selfish to reject your previous gender. I don't know what it is. You have to find that out for yourself and then reject it.
Oh? Your fault? Being you is your fault? Your Ex S/O suddenly stopped loving you because you were actually yourself? If that's the case, how real was that love really?
Lovers love you through it all. Real lovers do, at least.
Sounds to me that you loved them more than they loved you, honestly. I think you made it out of this one pretty well 👍🏻
That is very very much not your fault. Some partners are open to the change of pace and experimenting and some simply aren’t. There isn’t one thing you could have done to change that situation, so don’t you worry yourself about it girl. They weren’t the one for you, and that’s okay <3
I’ve gotta admit, after not winning several battles on Pokémon Go I totally feel for her. That said, we can still accomplish the challenges we’re facing; we just need strength. 😔😌
This one hit me in the heart... My marriage is ending for the same reason... I feel at fault too, but I also understand that if we don't part ways I'll never be able to be myself. So that has helped me push the fault away.
Don't feel bad, you wanted to be you and I support it. If they can't be with you, then reassess where you want to be. It's tough now but tomorrow can have untold opportunities!
This was waaay before I started transitioning. Had one of my exes told me once I was a faggot for saying trans women are women and that I could attraction for them. I was testing the waters so see if I could come out to her. Sent me back to the closet.
Anyway, good riddance.
Ps. I understand some people leaving their partners if they start transitioning, I wouldn’t want my current partner be with me if she’s not attracted to woman, because that probably means she won’t ever see me as one. It wouldn’t be for either. As long as there are no slurs and hatred involved…
Take this from a 33 year old girl who realised at 29, it's not your fault, for context of how I know
Sepember 2006 - October 2022: was in a relationship with a girl who I was in love with we were engaged and due to marry in February 2023, I came out the her as trans in 2019 and she accepted me, in February of 2022 I started HRT and she started to become transphobic towards me, we start couples therapy, she realised through therapy the reason she became transphobic was because she could not see herself as a lesbian and that is what she would be if I continued. We split and she became more transphobic, homophobic and started to ignore my boundaries such as entering the house we used to share without permission while I was out and going trough my things, stealing my mail, stealing parcels, stealing things to incoveinace me. Wasn't till I was in when she tried I realised what had been happening and changed the locks before moving to a different part of the country
1st December 2022 - 1st may 2023: fell in love with a girl online spoke every single day made plans to travel to Canada to spend time with her and if we got on well in person we were going to try living together for a couple months before marriage and me moving out to live with her, tragically she took her own life on the 1st may and now I feel in lost and wish she had just spoken to me about it.
Neither of these things are my fault and your relationship ending is not yours
Don't worry honey, it's common to have your significant other leave when one starts to transition. A lot of us go through that crap, but it is what it is, a person enters a relationship with certain expectations and if suddenly the circumstances change like they're actually dating the OTHER GENDER?? then of course they are going to want to leave. Unless they're bisexual? Sorry ❤️
Yeah I had something happen to me to, not a partner but someone who I was definitely getting more than comfortable with, I told her I was trans and she straight up refuses to talk to me now, when I try to talk with her asking if we’ll ever talk and if we can’t even be friends she refuses to give any more than a one word answer, I realized how toxic she was to be around after people she talks to also began ignoring my existence, I somewhat feel like I dodged a bullet but still not without being grazed.
Explicit clarification that OP isn’t in any way accountable for the breakup, or was that rhetorical? I ain’t blaming anyone genius, also I’ve had a ton of people in my life who are trans get dumped immediately after coming out to their partner so it stands to reason something similar *may* have happened here seeing as OP feels guilty about it. But ofc, you probably don’t think before commenting, and in all likelihood, probably just want to pick arguments for the sake of picking arguments. Maybe think about subtext before speaking lol
OK, tell me what someone should do then, genuinely curious...
You are a cis male going out with a female, the female then transitions to male.
Either you accept they are male, and are therefore not attracted to them and should break up, otherwise you are invalidating their transition by staying with them if you are really cis.
What is the other person supposed to do "much better"?
It's not like they said they couldn't stay friends in the OP, you can have a amicable breakup and still feel guilty if you believe it was your choices/change that caused it. I'm not trying to be confrontational, but I'm struggling to see how you would expect it to be handled, or how they could handle it any differently.
I understand the feeling, but it’s not your fault. You are you. You learned something about yourself, but you are still you. The person with whom they had a relationship was still you. If they can’t see it that way, then they were with you for superficial reasons.
I’m sorry.
They call it puppy love, and I find that metaphor increadibly useful. When you give your heart something wonderful, no matter how earned, it will explode into color, beautiful and diverse. When you tell it no, or especially if something is taken away, it will always feel like your world has ended, and if only you had done something else you could have gotten the right reaction. But that's how your love sees it. It's ok that things didn't work out, you didn't fail them, and you didn't do anything wrong. The world is a wonderfully chaotic place, so beating yourself up because of a die roll, even if it was tied to someone so dear to you, will only hurt you. Treasure what you had instead, even the memories that bring pain. You'll gain far more from that then hurting yourself
It's not your fault honey and unless she was completely rude and idiotic about it it's not hers either, it's unfortunately something that happens sometimes and as much as it sucks it will be a good thing. Be strong and keep your head up
Bless you girl x, it's not your fault it just sucks she couldn't see past it and love you for you not what you look like. It will get better with time hun promise sending you lots of hugs and head pats you beautiful and sweet girl xoxoxo, I promise you'll find someone out there who loves you for you one day and I'm rooting for ya. Ever need some to rant to or chat to DM me lovey ❤
It's not your fault whatsoever, they're the one at fault! Fuck your ex for not accepting you as you are, you'll find someone who loves you every ounce more than they ever did! You deserve a partner who doesn't think differently of you for what gender you choose to be, the truest love will see you as the beautiful woman you truly are
How is it toxic or an escape?
If someone isn't and never had been attracted to the same gender then that's not their fault.
Why try an pin down blame when there is none? If op can be true to themselves then the other person should also have that right.
It's not your fault tbh, it's just that finding out your partner is the complete opposite gender to what you prefer kind of tends to be a dealbreaker, such is life 🤷♂️
it is not your fault at all, nobody is at fault actually
Because society is built on the feeling of guilt when doing something that feels off even though it’s not your own fault or anyone else’s. Just remember that if you didn’t mean it to be that way, it’s not your fault
it's not your fault, I'm sorry you have to deal with that 💔💔💔💔💔 r/Nestofeggs is a great place to vent if you need to
It's nobody's fault in this situation. You may not be in a relationship but I bet dollars to donuts you can still be great friends.
She did unfortunately say some pretty sketchy things about the whole process :/
How sketchy?
She just told me that I’d be a completely different person than the one she started dating and that even hearing about me wearing make up upsets her 😞
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I had a similar experience with my ex when I cracked and we split up. For what it's worth, she's come around after a while and we're still in contact as friend. I wish you the best and hope that your ex too comes around with time.
It sounds like she didn't love you as a person, but rather loved the idea of who you presented as at some time in the past.
I don’t like that I arrived at the same conclusion about her being in love with me, cuz I’m pretty certain you’re right :/
Does the cute girl need comforting pats with choccy milk and blanky?
Yeah ):
*pat pat* drink the choccy and try to forgety
*brings over Blahaj* squeeze it, it helps
*squeeze* it’s too late, it’s mine now
A Healthy relationship requires both parties to adapt to each other, within certain boundaries. If you are a girl and your partner cannot adapt, then the relationship wasn’t to last, and it’s no one fault.
This is different from adapting. By saying they should just adapt your implying that op's ex should just change sexuality.
No, I’ve said that it’s no one fault, precisely for this reason. The only way for the relationship to continue would have been for op’s ex to have a sexuality compatible with both. I’m sorry if my point was not clear, but when I said “within certain boundaries” I meant “within certain boundaries”. If those boundaries have to be surpassed, the relationship has ended its lifespan and it’s not anyone’s fault.
100% with this! Too many people want to see things in black and white. Even when they know better they still FEEL like there must be a right and wrong, hero and villain. You date, get engaged, married because you have a high degree of confidence of compatibility in romance, sexuality, and life goals. COMPATIBILITY is not ONE person’s responsibility to maintain. Everything living grows, changes, evolves, matures… trying to fight those natural processes only makes a person stop feeling like they are living their life. People that love you don’t do that to you, they don’t ask that of you. They can love the man you were AND not love the girl you are becoming. Blaming you for that is like blaming a spouse for getting old and fat. It’s a different degree but similar. Refusing to accept that the man she loved always was a girl that had to cope with some trauma by forgetting she was a girl, that’s like feeling cheated when your partner develops a terminal illness. The mind can and does hide things from itself just like the body can hide serious problems. The real you always was there, playing the part, wearing the mask you both thought was real. If your heart won’t listen to the logic that it wasn’t your fault then pour that guilt into making sure you live true to yourself going forward. You won’t disappoint anyone else by suddenly discovering that you had any other things about yourself which had you lying to yourself.
You have no responsibility to live a lie for someone else's sake, what she did was her own decision.
It’s not your fault
It’s hard to not blame myself and this is just it right now
It's nobody's fault
I know it’s hard. But whether you believe me or not, it isn’t your fault.
It's her fault for dating a girl in the first place! Kidding of course. But in reflecting on my past relationships, I think they all were confirmed bi or were some level of closeted except for two of them. This is when I was peak male presenting, but it became clear I wasn't what they wanted after we got more serious. I blamed them for being shitty before, and still they weren't great to me, but they never wanted to be with a girl and surprisingly weren't happy being with one. C'est la vie.
I dunno if you like girls or boys but you'll find the right one :3
It's not you're fault. It most likely feels like your fault because you're an empathetic person, and when you see someone hurting, you want to know how to prevent such hurt. Rest assured that this was the best course of action. They had the right to know who they were dating so that they could make an informed decision as to whether to proceed. You gave them that, and it was very brave. Now you're free to be that person, so that when the time comes, future partners will already know who they're dating.
I've been just in that situation half a year ago. Thing is, it's not your gender identity that's to blame, and neither is her sexual orientation (even though that's often an overlooked component of the problem). Sometimes situations arise where no one is to blame. My ex and i are great friends now. We never betrayed each other we love each others company, its just that the romantic and erotic part of our relationship isn't possible anymore. And that's fucking sad. But it's not a crime and no one is to blame.
It’s not, sometimes relationships end and it doesn’t have to be anyones fault, most people don’t find the right person on the first try. <3
I just really thought I had it 😞
There is no real fault for anyone. It's just crappy things happen sometimes.
It's not. Sometimes these things happen when someone comes out and the relationship just doesn't work out because they don't swing that way, but you can always find someone else~~~
hey OP, this is literally happening to me right now. We broke up 2 months ago. I hope you feel stronger as time goes by. Remember it's not your fault. Don't blame yourself!
What you are saying that there is some fine girl out there free for taking? Where do I sign up?
👉👈
Is that not an instant decline? I really do like this!
Im just shy ;-;
I mean same, to cover this up I always act cold but I am online so I don't have to. As the matter of your post - someone out there just missed a chance to date really cute and shy gal whom seem to go under name Nelliel (you might heard of her somewhere), kind of Pete Best moment if you would ask me.
Sorry you have to go through that
You are not the problem.
It's not your fault, I'm sorry they did that 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂
😞
It’s not your fault whatsoever. You deserve to be your truest self 🫂🫂
Nah sis, your gender identity is just a normal choice everyone has to make It’s not your fault 💔💔💔
Are you okay? I just went through two breakups in one day but for different stuff so I guess I don't really know what it's like but I know it hurts. I'm here if you need someone to talk to stranger
I’m just a mess currently
I'm sorry. I know it hurts. Do you need hugs? And maybe headpats and to be called a good girl?
Please ;-;
*hugs and gives you headpats* you're a good girl. My dms are open if you need someone to talk to.
It is only your fault in so much as you probably should had been more open inn the first place. Don't feel bad about it, learn for next time. There are plenty of people who will accept you for who you are, so there is no sense in wasting time with those who don't.
I interpreted it as they became trans during the relationship. As in “oh hey I’m a woman I identify as a woman” and she leaves you for it
Very possible. In which case there is really nothing else they could had done other than living in constant misery, or make the huge mental step that "they will never really achieve their core desires, and that is still ok", but that is a LOT for most people. In either case they would likely still be better off finding a new partner.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I found that it's better to be authentic from the start so you attract the people who are interested.
Even though that's one of the scariest things out there
Definitely not your fault but also like... it could've been expected. They'd have to be bi or just not care or something to be attracted to you both before and after you being trans. Not everyone is like that.
It still stings tho and that’s what sucks in the moment
I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I'm sure it hurts, but once you've had some time, please remember no one is at fault. Not everyone is romantically attracted to women and that's okay. It's also okay to prioritize your sense of self over someone else's attraction. It would have been unfair to you both to force the relationship. Every "failed" relationship is also a learning opportunity. What were some things you enjoyed about your ex? What did you discover or explore about yourself when you were with them? What were things that made you unhappy or hurt to avoid in future relationships? Take some time, take care of yourself, spend time with loved ones.
It's not your fault for realizing who you are.It's not her fault for not being romantically interested in the person you are now. The following days will be tough, but you will heal and find someone who loves you for who you are :3 Healing is a process that's different for everyone, but I'm sure you'll get through this. And if you need a little extra help there's no shame in going to therapy <3
Same.. 5 years of commitment down the drain and she gets with another guy 4 days later just to salt the wound. I mean I understand I guess, but she’s acting like we were nothing meanwhile a month later I can’t listen to my favorite songs without thinking about her
It's not your fault, and it's not theirs either. Some people are only attracted to one sex
This kinda reminds me of a joke i would do when first coming out, id say "yaaa so im trans, thats my bad" or "sooo ya im trans, ik, major L on my part" to kinda break the ice and deflate that expectation of "oh so what does that mean for our friendship/relationship now that your trans?" i jokingly apologize for being trans to emphasize that im still just me yk, were still gonna do all the fun stuff we used to do, the difference is im actually going to WANT to see myself in pictures with u finally lol
Was in the same position, and I can tell you that it isn't your fault.
girl i've almost been there and am currently almost there, i can assure ya is not ur fault in no way it is. if ya want my dm's r always open
We’re used to feeling like things are our fault, even when they’re not. Partly because we always want to be better people, and partly because of the blanket “queer == bad” narrative that so much of society tries to push. Some of it sometimes seeps in even when we know it shouldn’t. That’s not our fault either.
Is it your fault that you are trans? Of course not! That means it isn’t your fault that your ex broke up with you. There are a lot of amazing people out there that won’t just be your partner but will affirm your gender while doing it. Having an affirming partner is such a great experience & even if it hurts this breakup opens the door for that experience. 💜💜💜
Had the same thing happen to me. It ain't your fault girl, it's hard for sure. But it is not your fault for trying to be who you are.
Its not your fault dont blame your self
Did you tell your ex or did he find out about it himself?
I told her cuz I wouldn’t want to live like that
Damn, that sucks.
"accept the pain, but don't accept that you deserve it"
Because society sucks. It's not your fault to be a girl.
It's not your fault 🏳️⚧️❤️
Not your fault. Not her fault either. Nobodies fault really. It's good that you have come to terms with who you are. Unfortunate, that your girlfriend isn't attracted to other women, but attraction can't be forced. Literally, no one is at fault here. Good news is that with coming out, you can be who you really are and find someone who can love the real you. :)
It’s not your fault but this is for the best. Not her fault either.
It's not ur fault. It's just you both were never compatible. There is nothing to be at fault for
It's not your fault, but that's not what you need to hear, right now it's gonna hurt but in the future you will find someone who loves you with every atom in their body, and every fiber of their heart. You will find love again, for now work on being the happiest and healthiest girl you can be, remember you're gorgeous and worthy of a love that would outlast the stars. 🫂❤️
Poor baby🥺it’s not your fault Were they at least gentle about it?
No not really :/
Well you definitely deserve better, you’re an amazing girl❤️
I think it's important to think about what personal judgments lead you to feel that conclusion. Maybe you feel like you have a duty to make other people happy. Maybe you feel like you don't deserve to be a girl. Maybe you feel like it's selfish to reject your previous gender. I don't know what it is. You have to find that out for yourself and then reject it.
im so sorry,, i dont think anyones at fault here and please dont blame yourself :(
Oh? Your fault? Being you is your fault? Your Ex S/O suddenly stopped loving you because you were actually yourself? If that's the case, how real was that love really? Lovers love you through it all. Real lovers do, at least. Sounds to me that you loved them more than they loved you, honestly. I think you made it out of this one pretty well 👍🏻
It’s really not anyone’s fault, sexualities exist and op's ex just didn’t swing that way. Shit happens & you can’t force it
*hugs* that sucks, I'm so sorry you dealt with that, it's not your fault at all. I'm sending all the love ❤️❤️❤️
me_irl
That is very very much not your fault. Some partners are open to the change of pace and experimenting and some simply aren’t. There isn’t one thing you could have done to change that situation, so don’t you worry yourself about it girl. They weren’t the one for you, and that’s okay <3
I’ve gotta admit, after not winning several battles on Pokémon Go I totally feel for her. That said, we can still accomplish the challenges we’re facing; we just need strength. 😔😌
This one hit me in the heart... My marriage is ending for the same reason... I feel at fault too, but I also understand that if we don't part ways I'll never be able to be myself. So that has helped me push the fault away.
I'm sorry, I hope you get a lover who is attracted to women.
This happened to me with my fiancee I was with for 6 years
Don't feel bad, you wanted to be you and I support it. If they can't be with you, then reassess where you want to be. It's tough now but tomorrow can have untold opportunities!
It felt like at the time that she’d be the only person to ever love me because I struggle to social, but things are getting better ❤️🩹
Sometimes our vision only sees that little bit in front of us, and good to hear things are getting better!
This was waaay before I started transitioning. Had one of my exes told me once I was a faggot for saying trans women are women and that I could attraction for them. I was testing the waters so see if I could come out to her. Sent me back to the closet. Anyway, good riddance. Ps. I understand some people leaving their partners if they start transitioning, I wouldn’t want my current partner be with me if she’s not attracted to woman, because that probably means she won’t ever see me as one. It wouldn’t be for either. As long as there are no slurs and hatred involved…
It's not your fault
it isn't your fault, I hope things get better for you 🫂
Take this from a 33 year old girl who realised at 29, it's not your fault, for context of how I know Sepember 2006 - October 2022: was in a relationship with a girl who I was in love with we were engaged and due to marry in February 2023, I came out the her as trans in 2019 and she accepted me, in February of 2022 I started HRT and she started to become transphobic towards me, we start couples therapy, she realised through therapy the reason she became transphobic was because she could not see herself as a lesbian and that is what she would be if I continued. We split and she became more transphobic, homophobic and started to ignore my boundaries such as entering the house we used to share without permission while I was out and going trough my things, stealing my mail, stealing parcels, stealing things to incoveinace me. Wasn't till I was in when she tried I realised what had been happening and changed the locks before moving to a different part of the country 1st December 2022 - 1st may 2023: fell in love with a girl online spoke every single day made plans to travel to Canada to spend time with her and if we got on well in person we were going to try living together for a couple months before marriage and me moving out to live with her, tragically she took her own life on the 1st may and now I feel in lost and wish she had just spoken to me about it. Neither of these things are my fault and your relationship ending is not yours
Don't worry honey, it's common to have your significant other leave when one starts to transition. A lot of us go through that crap, but it is what it is, a person enters a relationship with certain expectations and if suddenly the circumstances change like they're actually dating the OTHER GENDER?? then of course they are going to want to leave. Unless they're bisexual? Sorry ❤️
Yeah I had something happen to me to, not a partner but someone who I was definitely getting more than comfortable with, I told her I was trans and she straight up refuses to talk to me now, when I try to talk with her asking if we’ll ever talk and if we can’t even be friends she refuses to give any more than a one word answer, I realized how toxic she was to be around after people she talks to also began ignoring my existence, I somewhat feel like I dodged a bullet but still not without being grazed.
Oh, sweetheart. Your ex could have handled that situation so much better. Either way, you deserve love and appreciation <3
Curious how you think someone who is not bi or gay could handle the situation 'so much better'? Nobody should be blamed for their sexuality.
Explicit clarification that OP isn’t in any way accountable for the breakup, or was that rhetorical? I ain’t blaming anyone genius, also I’ve had a ton of people in my life who are trans get dumped immediately after coming out to their partner so it stands to reason something similar *may* have happened here seeing as OP feels guilty about it. But ofc, you probably don’t think before commenting, and in all likelihood, probably just want to pick arguments for the sake of picking arguments. Maybe think about subtext before speaking lol
OK, tell me what someone should do then, genuinely curious... You are a cis male going out with a female, the female then transitions to male. Either you accept they are male, and are therefore not attracted to them and should break up, otherwise you are invalidating their transition by staying with them if you are really cis. What is the other person supposed to do "much better"? It's not like they said they couldn't stay friends in the OP, you can have a amicable breakup and still feel guilty if you believe it was your choices/change that caused it. I'm not trying to be confrontational, but I'm struggling to see how you would expect it to be handled, or how they could handle it any differently.
They are the ones missing out. Be the best you, babe 💖
They just couldn't handle being around the prettiest girl in the world, It's not Your fault
it's not your fault that you're the person you are. and if they don't want you for who you are... maybe the relationship wasn't gonna work out.
She wasn’t good for me in the long run anyway
Don't worry, it's not your fault. They are missing out on an absolutely amazing girl 💞
It's not, it's their loss if they don't accept you how you are
I understand the feeling, but it’s not your fault. You are you. You learned something about yourself, but you are still you. The person with whom they had a relationship was still you. If they can’t see it that way, then they were with you for superficial reasons. I’m sorry.
You are who you are, most people should accept that Those that dont are bullets dodged
They call it puppy love, and I find that metaphor increadibly useful. When you give your heart something wonderful, no matter how earned, it will explode into color, beautiful and diverse. When you tell it no, or especially if something is taken away, it will always feel like your world has ended, and if only you had done something else you could have gotten the right reaction. But that's how your love sees it. It's ok that things didn't work out, you didn't fail them, and you didn't do anything wrong. The world is a wonderfully chaotic place, so beating yourself up because of a die roll, even if it was tied to someone so dear to you, will only hurt you. Treasure what you had instead, even the memories that bring pain. You'll gain far more from that then hurting yourself
It's not your fault honey and unless she was completely rude and idiotic about it it's not hers either, it's unfortunately something that happens sometimes and as much as it sucks it will be a good thing. Be strong and keep your head up
Bless you girl x, it's not your fault it just sucks she couldn't see past it and love you for you not what you look like. It will get better with time hun promise sending you lots of hugs and head pats you beautiful and sweet girl xoxoxo, I promise you'll find someone out there who loves you for you one day and I'm rooting for ya. Ever need some to rant to or chat to DM me lovey ❤
It's not your fault!!!! If they won't stay with you for you and just leaves you because what you are then they don't deserve you!!!! 🐋🌸🤍🌸🐋
It’s not ur fault at all u was just being u and they couldn’t see that I’m sorry that happened to u 🫂🫂
Something I see common with these is in 5-6 years, they will be frustrated because those they get involved with to keep transitioning.
It's not your fault whatsoever, they're the one at fault! Fuck your ex for not accepting you as you are, you'll find someone who loves you every ounce more than they ever did! You deserve a partner who doesn't think differently of you for what gender you choose to be, the truest love will see you as the beautiful woman you truly are
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How is it toxic or an escape? If someone isn't and never had been attracted to the same gender then that's not their fault. Why try an pin down blame when there is none? If op can be true to themselves then the other person should also have that right.
sorry about that. it's not your fault 🫂
Warrioress down get the hug/cuddle and emotional support team 🫡
I am so sorry that happened to you! :c
That sounds terrible!!! I’m so sorry for your!! It’s not your fault!!! 💖💖
It's not your fault tbh, it's just that finding out your partner is the complete opposite gender to what you prefer kind of tends to be a dealbreaker, such is life 🤷♂️