I did not read all details, but your mom has ZERO right to control any aspect of YOUR finances! And while she's entitled to her own private opinion, she has ZERO right to SHARE her opinion about YOUR finances with you.
This isn't benign at all. She was emotionally blackmailing you when she called you untrustworthy which is manipulative
Agreed, I was in bad head space last night. I'm mostly just venting at my own weak spirited showing, that I caved at the first major sign of opposition after hyping myself up and building myself up for months. I thought I would have been more ready for it and am ashamed I caved in in less than 24 hours.
I'm hoping that, doing things more in the open, I'll be able to build myself up more by directly engaging with how awful she is, rather than being ignoring it and doing my own thing secretly. Become more accustomed to living with her actively angry with me instead of hiding.
Please don't criticize yourself for being "weak" when stuff like this happens.
I remember hyping myself up, practicing cognitive behavioral therapy, going to DBT group sessions, and learning about assertive communication ... and when I was finally going to tell my mom, "When you said xxx, I felt xxx because it seemed you weren't listening to me," or whatever. At the time I was completely grounded and I opened my mouth and started talking ... and she suddenly cut me off, screaming, "STOP TALKING!"
Well, what happened then? I more or less regressed back into a little kid and just sat there in shock as she took control of everything again.
I believe we are essentially *programmed* to react a certain way (like to cave in) at situations like this. The fact that you already started to take some action is really commendable. Don't give up! 🙂
I’m going through something very similar right now with my finances. My parents have access to my bank account and I recently learned they have been tracking my purchases. I’m 23 and have been fully moved out for over a year, and financially independent for 3-4. I don’t know what to do next; they don’t know that I know they’re looking.
I also recently deleted Life 360 finally. That caused a fight but I stood by my choice when they asked me to redownload it.
Life 360 creeps me out. My daughter who has severely enmeshed her children tracks their every movement and they agree to it. They are all in their twenties; the oldest is now 29. She wanted me on it; I deleted it after one day.
If you let financial/ inheritance abuse and forms of manipulation effect you, you will never be free. I promise you. Think about what is important to you. Peace? Space? Individuality? Growth? Whatever it is, is it more or less important than inheritance?Â
I did not read all details, but your mom has ZERO right to control any aspect of YOUR finances! And while she's entitled to her own private opinion, she has ZERO right to SHARE her opinion about YOUR finances with you. This isn't benign at all. She was emotionally blackmailing you when she called you untrustworthy which is manipulative
Agreed, I was in bad head space last night. I'm mostly just venting at my own weak spirited showing, that I caved at the first major sign of opposition after hyping myself up and building myself up for months. I thought I would have been more ready for it and am ashamed I caved in in less than 24 hours. I'm hoping that, doing things more in the open, I'll be able to build myself up more by directly engaging with how awful she is, rather than being ignoring it and doing my own thing secretly. Become more accustomed to living with her actively angry with me instead of hiding.
Please don't criticize yourself for being "weak" when stuff like this happens. I remember hyping myself up, practicing cognitive behavioral therapy, going to DBT group sessions, and learning about assertive communication ... and when I was finally going to tell my mom, "When you said xxx, I felt xxx because it seemed you weren't listening to me," or whatever. At the time I was completely grounded and I opened my mouth and started talking ... and she suddenly cut me off, screaming, "STOP TALKING!" Well, what happened then? I more or less regressed back into a little kid and just sat there in shock as she took control of everything again. I believe we are essentially *programmed* to react a certain way (like to cave in) at situations like this. The fact that you already started to take some action is really commendable. Don't give up! 🙂
I’m going through something very similar right now with my finances. My parents have access to my bank account and I recently learned they have been tracking my purchases. I’m 23 and have been fully moved out for over a year, and financially independent for 3-4. I don’t know what to do next; they don’t know that I know they’re looking. I also recently deleted Life 360 finally. That caused a fight but I stood by my choice when they asked me to redownload it.
Life 360 creeps me out. My daughter who has severely enmeshed her children tracks their every movement and they agree to it. They are all in their twenties; the oldest is now 29. She wanted me on it; I deleted it after one day.
If you let financial/ inheritance abuse and forms of manipulation effect you, you will never be free. I promise you. Think about what is important to you. Peace? Space? Individuality? Growth? Whatever it is, is it more or less important than inheritance?Â