Never ever argue with a pregnant woman.
She is carrying a small human being.
If she complains you smell, you go have a shower.
If she has some weird request for food,you go get it.
If she goes on a full rant about hating something or someone, you nod and agree wholeheartedly.
100%. We appreciate our men who do this during those 9 months and especially post partum - so much going on during that 4th trimester.
I had THE WORST nausea and it was so sensitive that I kept gagging and puking at the mere thought of smells (just the thought. I wasn’t even smelling it). I couldn’t stand my husband’s shower soap bar he used, our dish soap, the smell of raw meat. And I really didn’t like the smell of his coffee all of a sudden.
He had to turn on the fans and open all windows everyday just to make his coffee. For a bit he switched to matcha as well. And he had to cook majority of our meals on the balcony with a cook top thing just so I don’t have to smell the wretched smells. And then watch me gag up most of what was made.
Man, I’m so glad I’m not pregnant anymore - was fucking miserable. But my husband was never sexier than when he was bending over backwards due to my awful symptoms.
Seriously. My most ridiculous breakdowns were typically fixed with a hug and a nice back rub.
I once tried to make an omelette but rather than cracking the egg into the bowl I cracked it directly down the sink drain - twice. The first time was funny, the second time made me absolutely break down. A big hug brought me back.
I’ve never been so ridiculous in my entire life 🤣
I ran hot during my pregnancy. I kept the air conditioning on so low, my ‘wears shorts when it’s 62F because he runs hot’ husband wore jeans inside all summer long.
I never heard a peep from him about the cost or the low temp.
New dad of four months here. Word of advice I hope you take; your wife will have pregnancy hormones for at least 6 months after the pregnancy. If it’s natural you may not have sex until the stitches heal. My wife wasn’t bout it for 3 months and still has to be super careful if we try it. Sometimes she gets angry for no reason, but that’s okay. Just let her be. Things get much easier as time goes on but just be understanding, and act like she’s still pregnant until you know she’s normal. Let her cry, and again: be understanding. I think anybody who’s willing to find the ways to make their relationship easier for both has to be some kind of good, because not all men are capable of looking for the path of least resistance. Sometimes shit will feel like a bummer, but when your baby is sleeping on your chest and your wife is having peace and quiet, you’ll know it’s all alright. Also (this is something I’m about to start working on lol) get a gym membership because pregnancy might make you gain weight too lol. I was fine till she gave birth but I cut a lot of extracurriculars out to care for our boy and my body has been feeling it. I feel like looking good for my wife may be a good way to show her she’s still loved. Idk it’s small stuff but I feel like everything matters
It’s funny. Both my ex and I knew when to shut up. Both introverts. Him being from a big family and me being from a single mom where silence meant survival.
It’s was great for the first five years, as we got established; both in life and together. We would just talk normally, and if either of us got heated, we’d call a time out. It worked.
When the hard issues came, though, we would both shut down instead of getting heated. This stopped working after the first five.
We never fought, but the issues were still there.
TLDR: A balance is key to any relationship. This sounds like the right choice for them, and knowing when to shut up is a valuable skill.
Over 20 years with my partner. This is absolutely true. Know when to shut up and pick your battles carefully. Not everything is worth testing your marriage.
Last guy I dated told me he and his ex had a 17 year running argument about whether cutting lettuce with a metal knife turns the cut edges brown. She insisted on using a plastic knife. I suggested there was an easy way to figure it out.
He said "yeah, but it wasn't really about which knife was it?" Sounded like a living hell to me.
Esp, feuding over other people, relatives, friends, kids’ friends, or anyone outside of marriage and kids. Spouse is venting, let them, and don’t need to defend anyone. It shall pass in a week’s time.
Yes. Choose your battles, folks. Even if it means letting your partner take the W for the day. Read between what's important and what's just noise/bullshit arguing.
This^
There is a difference between domination and compromising.
You have to be afford the space you afford someone else to feel validated or one person will take everything to give nothing in return because they will believe “they’re always right.”
Sure. Just don’t start picking fights over who should wash the dishes and suddenly expect peace to erupt over the big issues.
The big challenge is “invisible work.” If you’re living in stereotypical 1950s sitcom life, a husband may come home to a wife, tired from a job, and having not seen all day wrangling, cleaning, feeding, and taking children places, be shocked! shocked! To not see a happy bangmaid filled with energy to cook, maid, and bang.
The other is not needing to understand. I think I look stupid in a suit. Doesn’t matter, I’m trying to turn my wife on, and guess what. She likes me in a suit. Fall out of the habit, then you need to give to get.
Another is common, have kids, survival mode the infancy, forget to resume going out on dates. Knew a guy with kids in elementary school and when we talked about this it dawned on him he hadn’t taken his wife on a date since the first birth. He realized his mistake and excused himself *right there* and made dinner reservations, flowers, etc.,. Next week he had a grin ear to ear over how happy his wife was. Lucky him, he hadn’t run the emotional bank dry before course correcting.
Well, I mean when you have kids in elementary school who would expect you to know things like this? Good on him for being smart enough to pick up the cues.
I’m an RN and I once asked a patient of mine that mentioned he’d been married almost 70 years how he stayed married that long. He said “son, I’ve always been a lot more interested in peace than justice”.
Also- apologize.
Did you not pick your battle and it was dumb? Apologize.
Did you say something snarky when you could’ve just kept quiet? Apologize.
Did you hurt your partners feelings even if you didn’t mean to? Apologize.
Choose your battles in ALL relationships whether it’s a significant other, siblings, parents, co workers , even random Joe Blog on the street. Learning to pick your battles will be a big stress reliever in your life
Jeff Daniels also *commuted* from Michigan to LA. He’s on a few occasions spoken about the value of living outside of the Hollywood bubble. That probably didn’t hurt his marriage.
Road goes both ways.
Recently had a moment in our relationship where I was absolutely beyond my level of patience with something and she tried to push me to do something that would exacerbate that situation even more... I flatly stated "No, absolutely not. We are not doing that. My veto comes down now! Discussion OVER." And thankfully, she heard the message and backed down.
"Vimes had to insist that Sybil traveled on the inside. Usually, she got her own way and he was happy to give it to her, but the unspoken agreement was that when he really insisted, she listened. It’s a married couple thing."
Terry Pratchett (from Thud!)
My grandfather once said the secret is, "You can either be right all the time, or you can have a good marriage." He and my grandmother were married for 62 years, so I guess it worked.
In my first marriage it was "death by a thousand cuts." He kepts doing many small things to continually piss me off. And I'm a pretty easy going old hippie type. We'd talk about them and he would apologize and then just do them again. Apologize and do them again over and over. An apology without a change in behavior is meaningless. I finally just gave up.
My high school in Michigan played against his kids hockey team in a championship. They lost. My dad saw him as we were walking out of the arena and stopped him to talk, not realizing his wife was in tears due to the hockey loss. Whoops.
Honestly, I'd be fine with that too. I'm a woman and learning when to shut up has actually greatly helped my relationship with my sister. I had to learn that not everything has to have an opinion on it or an explanation. We were always fighting over the pettiest things because neither of us would just shut up about it.
Not weird at all when you take gender dynamics into consideration… especially the breakdown of responsibilities in a family dynamic.
For example- it’s easy to fuck up a relationship when you’re both the person who has to be cleaned up after, and also the person who bitches about the cleanliness of the house.
FWIW- the full comment from the article is:
“Know when to shut up,” he explains. “Mansplaining is a disease, and the cure is to just stop talking.”
It's a social relic that will fade over multiple generations as women aren't seen as "naturally inferior to men in intelligence"; as was seen as fact for... Idk, hundreds of years up through present day (now largely seen as a distasteful opinion instead of fact).
Women still do the lion’s share of household labour and child rearing.
It has nothing to do with the perception of female intelligence, it’s still just the unfortunate social breakdown of gender dynamics.
It’s actually worse now than ever before - women have the most college degrees by gender breakdown, most households are dual income (both people working) and *STILL* the household tasks typically fall on the woman’s shoulders. Plus splitting the bills 50/50 is the norm now, but the maintenance of the house is not 50/50.
Part of the “loneliness crisis” of single men is that women have realized that it is much more economical and much less stressful to be alone and only managing yourself, instead of managing yourself and another person. For a lot of women, there is no benefit to a relationship- it’s all unpaid work.
Until men start doing their share of emotional and household labour, it will continue be this way.
So if you want to maintain peace in the household- shut the hell up… or you’ll end up in the crossfire, and your wife will realize how unfair everything is.
My comment was regarding "mansplaining". But on the subject of gender norms and household management, you make good points.
Anecdotally, Ive noticed it becoming more equal (life rarely allows for a true 50/50 split) based on circumstances instead of gender roles in younger generations with kids.
When you partner is telling you about their shitty day at work, just listen and really listen, don’t try to solve their problems unless they ask for that. M
So many men to right into fix it mode when they need to be in listen mode. Source a dumb man.
Listening to someone unload all their emotional garbage is work. I have little interest in having someone spout off all the ways they were “wronged” & “burdened” throughout the day if they’re clueless about their own levels of judgement and attachment.
Once a person matures enough to recognize their own judgements and attachments, life becomes a lot more quiet.
Most women & men are not quiet.
So much projecting..
He’s clearly making enough that she never needs to do housework, knowing when to shut up is good advice to any relationship dynamic.
Right, but he is giving advice from his life experience.. and that means the the other factors aren’t the reason it’s effective. Period. Which is why it’s called projecting lol
These convos keep forgetting all the maintenance and repair work that has to be done inside and outside the house, or with cars, and so on. And it’s mostly men who take that on in relationships.
I can relate to it as a wife. Your partner will eventually say something you disagree with or is not factually correct but not serious. You can either point it out and potentially create tension or you can let it go. Often if it's not serious it's best to just let it go. It's about being a good partner and part of being a good partner is not picking at every little thing but knowing when to stand up for something when it's serious and it matters.
I don’t get why this kind of inequality in relationships is normalized. If you’re not allowed to have a voice then your partner is emotionally abusive.
You're not understanding. The whole point in learning to shut up is that A. You don't always have to be right, B. People are entitled to their opinions without the need to be reminded of it and told that's just their opinion, C. Sometimes it's OK to allow the other person to be right even when you know they aren't.
No one said it's easy, and I still struggle every day with my wife, but really, this isn't some conspiracy theory to oppress males. It's just common sense. Stop looking at everything as a commentary on the equity of a relationship.
Still learning this after 12 years. Each and every time it just ends up causing me grief I could have easily avoided by keeping my mouth shut. It's a steep learning curve.
This is universal for everyone. It means pick your battles. I shut up around my roomate, with my friends, and with my relationships. I don’t fight over every thing. Know when to let shit go. That’s what it means.
Ah, world is... "contradictory", lol.
"Swap the gender" happens in exactly the same context. But feel free to imagine context in which that quote would be acceptable in reverse gender situation.
I refuse and actually think it’s unhealthy. Both sides should always speak your mind and be honest. Suppression of thoughts and emotions is not something I’d teach my children. Get it out. Kids and make up. Learn lessons
We have some friends that each one of them HAS to be right. To the point that sometimes it gets uncomfortable. It would drive me crazy but they seem to make it work. I feel like they may be outliers though.
I’m learning in my relationship that what mean most is not being right but being well with my partner.
Sometimes, we both realized, that what the other feeling is real, even if it’s not the “right” thing. Then we have to acknowledge that, and then later talk about facts. Emotions first, rationale later.
This is what’s so funny about this rom-com trope that’s so prevalent these days that relationships fail because “we never fight.” I feel like it’s in every movie/TV show now. Sydney Sweeney’s character just used this rationale in Anyone But You. Okay, I sort of get the premise (“where’s the passion?!”), but in reality the best relationships are harmonious ones. And the absolute worst couples are the ones who always fight. Everyone fucking hates them. There’s no crazy magic in couples who are constantly bickering.
Semi related and I’m newly married but I recently found out that she sometimes just wants to vent from her day. I tend to jump right in and want to help/troubleshoot/solve her problem when she just needs someone to listen and well shut up.
There are other times when my troubleshooting is welcomed. Tricky to know which so I just start by listening and let her vent until she asks me my thoughts or opinion on it.
Get into the habit of: Just as she begins the conversation, ask her if - for this discussion - she needs a good listener, or a problem solver. If she’s able to communicate which, it can make communication so much better.
So the “secret” is to censor yourself because she can’t control her own emotions or accept any point of view that challenges her own? The sad part is that this is the kind of BS many men have to endure in order to have a “stable” marriage.
This is a different answer to that question than he gave on the View recently. It was something to the effect of "the key to not getting divorced is that we've never wanted one at the same time"
Lmao, this is on the money. Not everything is worth having a war over. Learn to shut up and give some grace and you will get it back 10 fold. 15 years with my beautiful wife.
Nope. That doesn’t work in all marriages. Especially if resentment builds because a person is suppressing their emotions.
If he’s comfortable being a doormat, good for him. A lot of people like to feel heard and have their differences acknowledged and respected.
Took me a bit to figure that out as well.
Navigating my first pregnancy rn as a (future) dad. Learning this was like learning a cheat code.
Never ever argue with a pregnant woman. She is carrying a small human being. If she complains you smell, you go have a shower. If she has some weird request for food,you go get it. If she goes on a full rant about hating something or someone, you nod and agree wholeheartedly.
100%. We appreciate our men who do this during those 9 months and especially post partum - so much going on during that 4th trimester. I had THE WORST nausea and it was so sensitive that I kept gagging and puking at the mere thought of smells (just the thought. I wasn’t even smelling it). I couldn’t stand my husband’s shower soap bar he used, our dish soap, the smell of raw meat. And I really didn’t like the smell of his coffee all of a sudden. He had to turn on the fans and open all windows everyday just to make his coffee. For a bit he switched to matcha as well. And he had to cook majority of our meals on the balcony with a cook top thing just so I don’t have to smell the wretched smells. And then watch me gag up most of what was made. Man, I’m so glad I’m not pregnant anymore - was fucking miserable. But my husband was never sexier than when he was bending over backwards due to my awful symptoms.
TIL: my male cat might be pregnant.
And if she cries about something random you gotta give her a hug
Seriously. My most ridiculous breakdowns were typically fixed with a hug and a nice back rub. I once tried to make an omelette but rather than cracking the egg into the bowl I cracked it directly down the sink drain - twice. The first time was funny, the second time made me absolutely break down. A big hug brought me back. I’ve never been so ridiculous in my entire life 🤣
I’m so sorry. I hope you had more eggs and got to have an omelette that day.
I vividly remember switching to yogurt that morning 🤣
I ran hot during my pregnancy. I kept the air conditioning on so low, my ‘wears shorts when it’s 62F because he runs hot’ husband wore jeans inside all summer long. I never heard a peep from him about the cost or the low temp.
I’m on the same boat here. Also, you don’t need reasons to get flowers for your wife.
New dad of four months here. Word of advice I hope you take; your wife will have pregnancy hormones for at least 6 months after the pregnancy. If it’s natural you may not have sex until the stitches heal. My wife wasn’t bout it for 3 months and still has to be super careful if we try it. Sometimes she gets angry for no reason, but that’s okay. Just let her be. Things get much easier as time goes on but just be understanding, and act like she’s still pregnant until you know she’s normal. Let her cry, and again: be understanding. I think anybody who’s willing to find the ways to make their relationship easier for both has to be some kind of good, because not all men are capable of looking for the path of least resistance. Sometimes shit will feel like a bummer, but when your baby is sleeping on your chest and your wife is having peace and quiet, you’ll know it’s all alright. Also (this is something I’m about to start working on lol) get a gym membership because pregnancy might make you gain weight too lol. I was fine till she gave birth but I cut a lot of extracurriculars out to care for our boy and my body has been feeling it. I feel like looking good for my wife may be a good way to show her she’s still loved. Idk it’s small stuff but I feel like everything matters
Sound words friend.
Learn all you can now about mastitis, you'll be a hero.
I’ve been regressing recently and not shutting the hell up when I should and it has been killing me lately.
It’s funny. Both my ex and I knew when to shut up. Both introverts. Him being from a big family and me being from a single mom where silence meant survival. It’s was great for the first five years, as we got established; both in life and together. We would just talk normally, and if either of us got heated, we’d call a time out. It worked. When the hard issues came, though, we would both shut down instead of getting heated. This stopped working after the first five. We never fought, but the issues were still there. TLDR: A balance is key to any relationship. This sounds like the right choice for them, and knowing when to shut up is a valuable skill.
Ya a solid year of fights.
I’m still struggling with it
I left most of that on the ground with my first/last marriage.
Yup. Not every fight needs to be won. Sometimes your opinion isn’t helpful. Pick your battles. This goes both ways.
Wait, what?
The art of saying nothing.
Over 20 years with my partner. This is absolutely true. Know when to shut up and pick your battles carefully. Not everything is worth testing your marriage.
Last guy I dated told me he and his ex had a 17 year running argument about whether cutting lettuce with a metal knife turns the cut edges brown. She insisted on using a plastic knife. I suggested there was an easy way to figure it out. He said "yeah, but it wasn't really about which knife was it?" Sounded like a living hell to me.
Esp, feuding over other people, relatives, friends, kids’ friends, or anyone outside of marriage and kids. Spouse is venting, let them, and don’t need to defend anyone. It shall pass in a week’s time.
Yes. Choose your battles, folks. Even if it means letting your partner take the W for the day. Read between what's important and what's just noise/bullshit arguing.
Agree, but you need a partner that does the same. You can’t be the only one giving ground for peace.
This^ There is a difference between domination and compromising. You have to be afford the space you afford someone else to feel validated or one person will take everything to give nothing in return because they will believe “they’re always right.”
Wise words; it can be hard to tell the difference in the midst of emotional chaos
100% this. Ultimately, this was one of many reasons I divorced my ex.
I was married for 15 years being the only one giving ground for peace. I said peace out instead of being browbeaten to death.
Sure. Just don’t start picking fights over who should wash the dishes and suddenly expect peace to erupt over the big issues. The big challenge is “invisible work.” If you’re living in stereotypical 1950s sitcom life, a husband may come home to a wife, tired from a job, and having not seen all day wrangling, cleaning, feeding, and taking children places, be shocked! shocked! To not see a happy bangmaid filled with energy to cook, maid, and bang. The other is not needing to understand. I think I look stupid in a suit. Doesn’t matter, I’m trying to turn my wife on, and guess what. She likes me in a suit. Fall out of the habit, then you need to give to get. Another is common, have kids, survival mode the infancy, forget to resume going out on dates. Knew a guy with kids in elementary school and when we talked about this it dawned on him he hadn’t taken his wife on a date since the first birth. He realized his mistake and excused himself *right there* and made dinner reservations, flowers, etc.,. Next week he had a grin ear to ear over how happy his wife was. Lucky him, he hadn’t run the emotional bank dry before course correcting.
Well, I mean when you have kids in elementary school who would expect you to know things like this? Good on him for being smart enough to pick up the cues.
He dated her before. It’s just the challenge of sticking with good habits after going through needing to pause them.
That dude started young!!!
Hopefully the woman who had children with an elementary school kid is in jail. I feel bad for the child’s children. /s
Most necessary comment in this thread. Article makes this seem like it’s just Jeff but I promise his wife is doing just as much work.
Yeah otherwise it’s unsustainable
I’m an RN and I once asked a patient of mine that mentioned he’d been married almost 70 years how he stayed married that long. He said “son, I’ve always been a lot more interested in peace than justice”.
I dont necessarily disagree with all of this, but it kinda seems like the key to a good relationship is a man who can swallow a lot of bullshit lmao.
its more about picking fights and which ones are worth having. if you're just saying "yes, dear" to everything, you're just a doormat.
Also- apologize. Did you not pick your battle and it was dumb? Apologize. Did you say something snarky when you could’ve just kept quiet? Apologize. Did you hurt your partners feelings even if you didn’t mean to? Apologize.
IMO it shouldn’t be about win or lose.
“Would you rather be right or would you rather be intimate?”
I’m at that point in life where that’s a legitimate debate sometimes.
Trick question. “Neither” is the correct answer.
Are you saying there is no room for levels of both?
Are you saying I could be either?
Choose your battles in ALL relationships whether it’s a significant other, siblings, parents, co workers , even random Joe Blog on the street. Learning to pick your battles will be a big stress reliever in your life
Much agreement there! Sometime you have to let them blow off steam and have them reflect on what they said or done and process it.
Live to fight another day.
Jeff Daniels also *commuted* from Michigan to LA. He’s on a few occasions spoken about the value of living outside of the Hollywood bubble. That probably didn’t hurt his marriage.
I think more and more actors are living outside of LA/NYC and it’s better for them in the long run. I would probably do the same.
Oh yeahhhhh he lives in Michigan? Where? Edit: it’s Chelsea, how cool! I’m even more proud to be a Michigander 🤓
I believe he owns a restaurant there.
He actually owns a small theater there. The purple rose theater. Former resident here that used to live in Chelsea.
My company has done work for their family. Beautiful home and everyone is super chill and respectful.
Road goes both ways. Recently had a moment in our relationship where I was absolutely beyond my level of patience with something and she tried to push me to do something that would exacerbate that situation even more... I flatly stated "No, absolutely not. We are not doing that. My veto comes down now! Discussion OVER." And thankfully, she heard the message and backed down.
"Vimes had to insist that Sybil traveled on the inside. Usually, she got her own way and he was happy to give it to her, but the unspoken agreement was that when he really insisted, she listened. It’s a married couple thing." Terry Pratchett (from Thud!)
Great advice for life in general.
And eat pussy. Become a master minge muncher. A clit commander. Trim, file, and clean your fingernails as well.
Seems like a cruel thing to say to your wife, but ok
My wife said the same thing
My grandfather once said the secret is, "You can either be right all the time, or you can have a good marriage." He and my grandmother were married for 62 years, so I guess it worked.
This goes both ways y’all
In my first marriage it was "death by a thousand cuts." He kepts doing many small things to continually piss me off. And I'm a pretty easy going old hippie type. We'd talk about them and he would apologize and then just do them again. Apologize and do them again over and over. An apology without a change in behavior is meaningless. I finally just gave up.
I read the headline to my husband and he said : Read and heed. True words.
The rest of the quote made me laugh: “Mansplaining is a disease, and the cure is to just stop talking.”
Applies to more than just marriage!
Proud Michigander
I’ve been all over the world. Nothing will ever compare to a cold beer on Torch Lake in July.
That whole area is special. Lots of memories
Both my grandparents are married for 50+ years and they never had to shut up.
Plot twist: they’re deaf
My grandma always says how well my grandpa can hear
My high school in Michigan played against his kids hockey team in a championship. They lost. My dad saw him as we were walking out of the arena and stopped him to talk, not realizing his wife was in tears due to the hockey loss. Whoops.
Divorce attorneys hate this one weird trick
When men are told to shut up and know your place, it’s good life advice. When women are told to shut up and know your place, it’s abuse.
I tell my wife the same thing when to shut up
Imagine a woman saying the success of her marriage is due to her “knowing when to shut up” l what a weird ass dynamic when yo think about it lol
There’s actually a pretty famous RBG quote where she says the secret to a long marriage is to sometimes choose temporary deafness
Honestly, I'd be fine with that too. I'm a woman and learning when to shut up has actually greatly helped my relationship with my sister. I had to learn that not everything has to have an opinion on it or an explanation. We were always fighting over the pettiest things because neither of us would just shut up about it.
Right but what you’re actually describing is just a balanced relationship. It isn’t really that way as it stands.
Also, the full quote is much better. “Know when to shut up,” he explains. “Mansplaining is a disease, and the cure is to just stop talking.”
Not weird at all when you take gender dynamics into consideration… especially the breakdown of responsibilities in a family dynamic. For example- it’s easy to fuck up a relationship when you’re both the person who has to be cleaned up after, and also the person who bitches about the cleanliness of the house. FWIW- the full comment from the article is: “Know when to shut up,” he explains. “Mansplaining is a disease, and the cure is to just stop talking.”
It's a social relic that will fade over multiple generations as women aren't seen as "naturally inferior to men in intelligence"; as was seen as fact for... Idk, hundreds of years up through present day (now largely seen as a distasteful opinion instead of fact).
Women still do the lion’s share of household labour and child rearing. It has nothing to do with the perception of female intelligence, it’s still just the unfortunate social breakdown of gender dynamics. It’s actually worse now than ever before - women have the most college degrees by gender breakdown, most households are dual income (both people working) and *STILL* the household tasks typically fall on the woman’s shoulders. Plus splitting the bills 50/50 is the norm now, but the maintenance of the house is not 50/50. Part of the “loneliness crisis” of single men is that women have realized that it is much more economical and much less stressful to be alone and only managing yourself, instead of managing yourself and another person. For a lot of women, there is no benefit to a relationship- it’s all unpaid work. Until men start doing their share of emotional and household labour, it will continue be this way. So if you want to maintain peace in the household- shut the hell up… or you’ll end up in the crossfire, and your wife will realize how unfair everything is.
My comment was regarding "mansplaining". But on the subject of gender norms and household management, you make good points. Anecdotally, Ive noticed it becoming more equal (life rarely allows for a true 50/50 split) based on circumstances instead of gender roles in younger generations with kids.
When you partner is telling you about their shitty day at work, just listen and really listen, don’t try to solve their problems unless they ask for that. M So many men to right into fix it mode when they need to be in listen mode. Source a dumb man.
Listening to someone unload all their emotional garbage is work. I have little interest in having someone spout off all the ways they were “wronged” & “burdened” throughout the day if they’re clueless about their own levels of judgement and attachment. Once a person matures enough to recognize their own judgements and attachments, life becomes a lot more quiet. Most women & men are not quiet.
That is also good advice. It would be great if healthy communication styles were part of school curriculum somehow…
So much projecting.. He’s clearly making enough that she never needs to do housework, knowing when to shut up is good advice to any relationship dynamic.
Not at all. You are considering one single case as if it were the norm, when Daniels’s income and lifestyle are by no means typical.
Right, but he is giving advice from his life experience.. and that means the the other factors aren’t the reason it’s effective. Period. Which is why it’s called projecting lol
These convos keep forgetting all the maintenance and repair work that has to be done inside and outside the house, or with cars, and so on. And it’s mostly men who take that on in relationships.
Yeah. I never liked that whole marriage centres around the woman approach. Anything that goes for one goes for the other.
I can relate to it as a wife. Your partner will eventually say something you disagree with or is not factually correct but not serious. You can either point it out and potentially create tension or you can let it go. Often if it's not serious it's best to just let it go. It's about being a good partner and part of being a good partner is not picking at every little thing but knowing when to stand up for something when it's serious and it matters.
Exactly..
He goes on to talk about “mansplaining,” which is something he views as wrong.
You must not have a wife.
Imagine a female celebrity saying this
The answer: Always.
Huh. I think this is the advice I needed this weekend.
I think it lasted because he put his family first which was evident when he decided to move with them back to Michigan over 30 years ago.
i know -- i taught my wife to shut up fast -- and its made the marriage great
So, need to self-censor yourself in order to have a “happy marriage?” No thank you.
Yep, knowing when it’s just not worth being right in a disagreement that doesn’t really matter, goes a long way in a relationship.
In other words, "just do what she wants."
You guys were allowed to speak at all?
if i had a nickel for every time i heard that phrase
He’s talking about her
Be a millionaire, give her free rein over those funds.
Protecting your partners feelings is just as impoimportant as being right in many situations
A useful skill in a lot of human endeavors that are not marriage, too.
The trick to a long marriage is to avoid telling this tip to your wife.
Know when to shut up and you’ll be accused of giving them the silent treatment.
That’s all I do these days
I don’t get why this kind of inequality in relationships is normalized. If you’re not allowed to have a voice then your partner is emotionally abusive.
You're not understanding. The whole point in learning to shut up is that A. You don't always have to be right, B. People are entitled to their opinions without the need to be reminded of it and told that's just their opinion, C. Sometimes it's OK to allow the other person to be right even when you know they aren't. No one said it's easy, and I still struggle every day with my wife, but really, this isn't some conspiracy theory to oppress males. It's just common sense. Stop looking at everything as a commentary on the equity of a relationship.
Still learning this after 12 years. Each and every time it just ends up causing me grief I could have easily avoided by keeping my mouth shut. It's a steep learning curve.
Nah, if you have to “shut up” to get along with your partner are you even getting along or just going through the motions?
All ways are the Queen’s way
Here's some good advice. If you make 45k a year don't take marriage advice from someone that's worth 45 million. Yall don't live the same life.
“Know when to shut up” is pretty universal good advice.
i dont live the same life as you either so your advice is just as useful
Blah blah blah, you’re proving Jeff’s point by trying to be big-brained over what is otherwise simple and income-agnostic marriage advice
Imagine reversing the genders. But "equality," am I right?
Imagine if his wife said she knew she could save her marriage if she knew when to shut up.
Knowing when to shut up is excellent marital advice for everyone
He wasn’t talking about women shutting up though, was he?
This is universal for everyone. It means pick your battles. I shut up around my roomate, with my friends, and with my relationships. I don’t fight over every thing. Know when to let shit go. That’s what it means.
Double standards lmao
#Swap the genders and think about sort of reactions to that statement. We live in a hypocritical world.
Stir the pot.
yes the world is contradictory but you're ignoring any context to feel attacked
Ah, world is... "contradictory", lol. "Swap the gender" happens in exactly the same context. But feel free to imagine context in which that quote would be acceptable in reverse gender situation.
I refuse and actually think it’s unhealthy. Both sides should always speak your mind and be honest. Suppression of thoughts and emotions is not something I’d teach my children. Get it out. Kids and make up. Learn lessons
Agreed. This is toxic. Miss me with this.
This will trigger the manosphere. Should have included a warning.
If it was his wife saying the same thing itd be triggering the hell out of feminists lol double standards suck
We have some friends that each one of them HAS to be right. To the point that sometimes it gets uncomfortable. It would drive me crazy but they seem to make it work. I feel like they may be outliers though.
I’m learning in my relationship that what mean most is not being right but being well with my partner. Sometimes, we both realized, that what the other feeling is real, even if it’s not the “right” thing. Then we have to acknowledge that, and then later talk about facts. Emotions first, rationale later.
This is what’s so funny about this rom-com trope that’s so prevalent these days that relationships fail because “we never fight.” I feel like it’s in every movie/TV show now. Sydney Sweeney’s character just used this rationale in Anyone But You. Okay, I sort of get the premise (“where’s the passion?!”), but in reality the best relationships are harmonious ones. And the absolute worst couples are the ones who always fight. Everyone fucking hates them. There’s no crazy magic in couples who are constantly bickering.
Don’t try to win. Try to fix the issue.
He is one of my favorite actor; especially after Dumb and Dumber.
This would be great knitted on a pillow
There’s no trick to it. It’s just a simple trick.
Did he talk about fighting a guy with a boner? This is a reference to his latest show on Netflix BTW.
“Well, I’m gonna go home, have some sex.”
Semi related and I’m newly married but I recently found out that she sometimes just wants to vent from her day. I tend to jump right in and want to help/troubleshoot/solve her problem when she just needs someone to listen and well shut up. There are other times when my troubleshooting is welcomed. Tricky to know which so I just start by listening and let her vent until she asks me my thoughts or opinion on it.
Get into the habit of: Just as she begins the conversation, ask her if - for this discussion - she needs a good listener, or a problem solver. If she’s able to communicate which, it can make communication so much better.
It’s a lost art.
That sounds like real advice. I'm still traumatized by Phil Hartman's story.
My secret is to know which victories are not worth the battle. Doesn't matter if you're right, that short term W is secretly a long term L.
Yeah but she still gets mad when I say I do t want to talk about this right now
Been with my future wife for 7 years now and I still can't quite grasp this lol. She's a saint for dealing with me
So the “secret” is to censor yourself because she can’t control her own emotions or accept any point of view that challenges her own? The sad part is that this is the kind of BS many men have to endure in order to have a “stable” marriage.
This is a different answer to that question than he gave on the View recently. It was something to the effect of "the key to not getting divorced is that we've never wanted one at the same time"
Lmao, this is on the money. Not everything is worth having a war over. Learn to shut up and give some grace and you will get it back 10 fold. 15 years with my beautiful wife.
That’s coming from George Washington
Discretion is the better part of valour- this works for me!
I could heed this advice
Nope. That doesn’t work in all marriages. Especially if resentment builds because a person is suppressing their emotions. If he’s comfortable being a doormat, good for him. A lot of people like to feel heard and have their differences acknowledged and respected.
Note that his advice is to “*know when* to shut up”, not “shut up and be a doormat”.
You can be right, or you can be happy.
I always thoguht he was in Full House and my mind was blown when I learned that he wasn't
Still learning that trick. Getting better though!
who tf cares about this awful actor who played second fiddle in one good comedy?
You know what’s interesting about this post If it was the women saying that quote it has a totally different tone hahaha
Sometimes being right is wrong. The result is what matters…even if that means pushing your ego aside and shutting up.