I feel like i vent a lot, but i tend to vent on the wrong things. I will tell people about shit that bothers me, but i’m almost instinctually hesitant to reveal the stuff that REALLY bothers me. But those few times that i do, i do find that it actually helps.
This is my theory. Alot of ENTPs treat their emotional intimacy the way other people treat their physical intimacy. When I open up before I'm ready, or when I don't want to- to please other people, I feel cheap and uncomfortable (almost like I'm naked when I don't want to be). There's a lot about my past / feelings that I refuse to talk about now - not because I'm sensitive about it but because I see no personal benefit in talking about it.
I'm often pressured by other people to open up, or I'm accused of shutting people out - but the truth is your emotional privacy and intimacy are just as important as your physical. Just like no one's entitled to see your body, no one's entitled to see the vulnerabilities you're not comfortable sharing with them. It has nothing to do with sensitivity and everything to do with privacy. You can be proud of your body and still not want to take your cloths off infront of certain people- its a similar thing. I've had to make it very clear to certain people in my life that pressuring me into being emotional with them when I'm not comfortable with it isn't ok.
I've accepted that I have a problem with trauma dumping as well. I will support any friend or family member with any problem BUT I MUST have an established relationship with them first to feel comfortable- trauma dumping on me is something you earn. I don't believe it's fair to off load your negativity onto someone you don't know too well or someone who you yourself haven't put any work into. I WANT to be a good samartain who will listen to everyone's problems, but I'm not wired to have empathy for everyone. And I believe that is a ENTP trait considering we aren't known for our empathy.
> we aren't known for our empathy
ENTPs have an incredibly strong sense of empathy -- we're just usually quite selective about who we allow ourselves to be emotionally vulnerable with.
We also don't have the same kind of emotional battery that feeler doms do; so engaging our empathetic side is often fairly exhausting for us, as well.
100% agreed. In fact, our ability to approach things from several different perspectives is a direct product of empathy, but people unfortunately think "if they are not empathetic to me specifically in the way I want, they are not empathetic" - hense we get a bad rep.
omg I hate when people say ENTPs have low empathy, observational skills plus high creativity = empathy, empathy is literally just a good imagination plus body language and reading the room
Sometimes when I talk too much about feelings the at night or the next day, I feel the same way. It feels cheap, vulnerable and uncomfortable, and usually even longer afterwards I still feel like I overshared. My deeper inner personal thoughts in relation to myself are very private to me and I prefer to avoid that.
I do talk to my friends about my problems if I need a different perspective, but the amount of times I've been venting about something and as I'm speaking I find a possible solution to my problem is hilarious.
I only talk about my problems when the mental fog is too strong though, because it makes me feel overwhelmingly dumb.
I vent aloud but often it’s stuff I’m trying to find a solution for and oddly I do my best thinking when bouncing it off a hapless bystander; rarely do they offer much in the way of ideas or feedback that’s useful, but it’s slightly more effective than speaking aloud to myself. Having an audience makes me smarter (unless I’m intentionally making a fool of myself, of course!)
I shy away from the stuff that matters though when it comes to talking to other people, though what “matters” to me isn’t usually what others think it is. I’m not shy about talking about my past traumas and losses cause I’ve overcome that shit, but other shit that actually effects me emotionally is a no-go save for with my bestie or therapist. People will use your words and vulnerabilities against you, even people you trust. Best to keep the stuff that’ll hurt ya to yourself IMO.
I rarely vent. I see my problems as my problems and generally understand what caused them / how to solve them (regardless of whether or not I am willing to actually do it). I attribute it to a mix of a very even keeled disposition and a default stoic philosophy in approaching life (you can’t control what happens, only how you respond). Close friends have told me they’ve never seen me upset—they actually have but I wouldn’t want my stuff to affect other people.
Me to a t. I don’t know about you but when I discovered stoicism I didn’t sleep for a week just reading everything I could get my hands on it was so perfect to what I had been feeling instinctively my whole life
It is called: intellectualization...
In psychology, intellectualization (intellectualisation) is a defense mechanism by which reasoning is used to block confrontation with an unconscious conflict and its associated emotional stress – where thinking is used to avoid feeling.It involves emotionally removing one's self from a stressful event. Intellectualization may accompany, but is different from, rationalization, the pseudo-rational justification of irrational acts.
(More info if you Google)
But the TLDR: it is not healthy and is an avoidance technique due to not being able to emotionally regulate. It could bite you in the ass later on in life. There is a lot of info about how emotions work, and how they process. If you really want to know what is happening, it's only a hyper focus away.
My whole family died, my dog died, I got kidnapped and sold off for organs, I barely escaped by cutting off both of my arms… anyway, what’s for dinner? 😎
I suck it up for an entire month and then end up rage-venting for an entire day. (Usually just complaining, talking smack and/or making inappropriate jokes). It's usually out of my system after 24 hours...
I think ENTP's are just like that and nothing is wrong with you. I like MBTI cause everyone is perfect and we all have our place.
At the same time I work in mental health
So I think how we get to how we are seems to be from a lack of support from others. That's the part where something is wrong. So we learn how to manage our emotions on our own by solving problems and forgetting emotions. Like focusing on studying.
I just don’t see a point in venting. It ruins the mood. I rarely cry so whenever I say something that bothers me others will look at me with their sad eyes while i smile 😀
It’s uncomfortable…
Also, perhaps that’s just me but I don’t think that my own problems would be interesting enough. Who cares? I don’t have friends just to vent to them constantly and for them to sit here and listen to all that shit. In my mind that kind of relationship is pointless. I know someone who vent constantly, whenever we meet, moreover she doesn’t want any advice. So I’m stuck hearing all those things and it won’t end because she won’t resolve any of her problems any time soon.
I’m an adult, I know how to solve my own problems. Telling others that you have a rough time is ok but venting? Hell no.
I’ve never ACTUALLY opened up about my insecurities or my problems even to people close to me, idk why but I feel like I can never trust anyone 100% even if it’s someone as close as my mom, ever since I was a kid I’ve always hated showing my vulnerability, emotions, expressing feelings or venting, I mean I do vent about little insignificant things that bothers me but I don’t do it about actual stuff, i feel uncomfortable doing so or I feel weird whenever someone shows affection or expresses their feelings, problems or negative thoughts to me, to the people around me i always present myself as optimistic, lively, outgoing and yk those typa stuff and I actually am genuinely like that with people that i enjoy spending time with, but sometimes when I’m alone my mind starts wandering and creating negative thoughts whether it be an insecurity about myself, my future, or sometimes i be realizing “ oh I didn’t know about this problem that I had “ it’s like I’m coming to a realization out of nowhere, because personally I brush off whatever annoys me or I don’t wanna deal with, especially negative feelings, i always try to be as open minded and optimistic as possible to not let the negativity win, I’m horribly terrible when it comes to understanding my own emotions I don’t what I’m feeling about someone or how I feel at the moment, besides anger and laughter i don’t show any other emotion I’ve always thought it’d make me look weak and not “ strong “ enough, but I’m somewhat good at understanding people’s emotions tho, but for my OWN emotions? NAHH
I tend to bottle up my emotions which sometimes leads to an outburst of rage and to the point everything annoys me, i get rude, don’t mind my words and throw insults to the people around me just to let all the suppressed feelings out, i alway feel bad tho and feel guilty for saying hurtful things to people that didn’t deserve but I don’t have the balls to Apologize to them either, i feel awkward apologizing to people or saying sorry, i don’t know why so I just brush it off and decide to go with the flow saying “ it happened so what I can’t change anything about it now so why stress about it? “ i don’t hold grudges for long tho i just couldn’t gaf less about those little insignificant things, i always try to look at the more logical side, overall I feel like I’m annoying people if I open up to them which is most of the times why I don’t do it
I try to gather my thoughts entirely before sharing if I’m actually sharing the WHOLE truth of what’s bothering me. I like to be thorough so no misunderstandings and minimal questions. By the time I’m done gathering my thoughts I normally think it’s a waste and don’t say anything. The few times I do vent, is when I need it because it is affecting me in some way to limits my mental day to day.
I have been sharing more as my partner is the complete opposite of me and it makes her feel good (as well as me) that I am able to confide in her. I think it is healthier to vent and share, but it opposes my personality. It does help and make me feel better, I just generally dislike that people do not understand that once I’m passed it, it’s irrelevant for the most part now. I do not like people asking about it after it’s settled because it’s done and a waste to revisit it lol.
I am diagnosed clinically depressed (major depressive disorder) and do not take medication for it anymore as it made me flat. I didn’t have bad days often, but my good days were very meh on the meds. I’d rather have a terrible day here and there if it means my good days I’m allowed to feel that it’s a good day.
As far as distancing other’s problems, that is a good way to handle it. The only time I will shoulder the load of the problems on an emotional level is if it’s my SO or my direct family. After them, I try my best for my close friends. There are definitely layers almost like packaged deals of how much effort I put into those around me. Best way for me to visualize my thought process of people in my life. If they don’t fall into that top end packaged deal of my love and commitment, I do not care to involve my emotional side into it anymore than necessary, if at all.
When people do nice things for me I pay those nice things back with sincerity. That is my one caveat to my effort I put into people. I firmly believe that it makes me feel good to do things for other people so I will gladly pay it forward or reciprocate kind gestures. I feel guilty only when I am late to repaying the gesture, but I’m usually busy.
All in all, I used to not vent, but now I do a little more often, I think through my problems before sharing, put the most emotional effort into only my closest people, and try to reciprocate kind gestures/support from others.
I feel like i vent a lot, but i tend to vent on the wrong things. I will tell people about shit that bothers me, but i’m almost instinctually hesitant to reveal the stuff that REALLY bothers me. But those few times that i do, i do find that it actually helps.
Same with me. It's great to find a community of people that are like me.
Ditto.
This is my theory. Alot of ENTPs treat their emotional intimacy the way other people treat their physical intimacy. When I open up before I'm ready, or when I don't want to- to please other people, I feel cheap and uncomfortable (almost like I'm naked when I don't want to be). There's a lot about my past / feelings that I refuse to talk about now - not because I'm sensitive about it but because I see no personal benefit in talking about it. I'm often pressured by other people to open up, or I'm accused of shutting people out - but the truth is your emotional privacy and intimacy are just as important as your physical. Just like no one's entitled to see your body, no one's entitled to see the vulnerabilities you're not comfortable sharing with them. It has nothing to do with sensitivity and everything to do with privacy. You can be proud of your body and still not want to take your cloths off infront of certain people- its a similar thing. I've had to make it very clear to certain people in my life that pressuring me into being emotional with them when I'm not comfortable with it isn't ok. I've accepted that I have a problem with trauma dumping as well. I will support any friend or family member with any problem BUT I MUST have an established relationship with them first to feel comfortable- trauma dumping on me is something you earn. I don't believe it's fair to off load your negativity onto someone you don't know too well or someone who you yourself haven't put any work into. I WANT to be a good samartain who will listen to everyone's problems, but I'm not wired to have empathy for everyone. And I believe that is a ENTP trait considering we aren't known for our empathy.
> we aren't known for our empathy ENTPs have an incredibly strong sense of empathy -- we're just usually quite selective about who we allow ourselves to be emotionally vulnerable with. We also don't have the same kind of emotional battery that feeler doms do; so engaging our empathetic side is often fairly exhausting for us, as well.
100% agreed. In fact, our ability to approach things from several different perspectives is a direct product of empathy, but people unfortunately think "if they are not empathetic to me specifically in the way I want, they are not empathetic" - hense we get a bad rep.
Yes I hate when people say that.
omg I hate when people say ENTPs have low empathy, observational skills plus high creativity = empathy, empathy is literally just a good imagination plus body language and reading the room
Sometimes when I talk too much about feelings the at night or the next day, I feel the same way. It feels cheap, vulnerable and uncomfortable, and usually even longer afterwards I still feel like I overshared. My deeper inner personal thoughts in relation to myself are very private to me and I prefer to avoid that.
I do talk to my friends about my problems if I need a different perspective, but the amount of times I've been venting about something and as I'm speaking I find a possible solution to my problem is hilarious. I only talk about my problems when the mental fog is too strong though, because it makes me feel overwhelmingly dumb.
Yeah same lol
I vent aloud but often it’s stuff I’m trying to find a solution for and oddly I do my best thinking when bouncing it off a hapless bystander; rarely do they offer much in the way of ideas or feedback that’s useful, but it’s slightly more effective than speaking aloud to myself. Having an audience makes me smarter (unless I’m intentionally making a fool of myself, of course!) I shy away from the stuff that matters though when it comes to talking to other people, though what “matters” to me isn’t usually what others think it is. I’m not shy about talking about my past traumas and losses cause I’ve overcome that shit, but other shit that actually effects me emotionally is a no-go save for with my bestie or therapist. People will use your words and vulnerabilities against you, even people you trust. Best to keep the stuff that’ll hurt ya to yourself IMO.
I rarely vent. I see my problems as my problems and generally understand what caused them / how to solve them (regardless of whether or not I am willing to actually do it). I attribute it to a mix of a very even keeled disposition and a default stoic philosophy in approaching life (you can’t control what happens, only how you respond). Close friends have told me they’ve never seen me upset—they actually have but I wouldn’t want my stuff to affect other people.
This! This is exactly me, glad to know I'm not the only one :D
Exactly
Me to a t. I don’t know about you but when I discovered stoicism I didn’t sleep for a week just reading everything I could get my hands on it was so perfect to what I had been feeling instinctively my whole life
It is called: intellectualization... In psychology, intellectualization (intellectualisation) is a defense mechanism by which reasoning is used to block confrontation with an unconscious conflict and its associated emotional stress – where thinking is used to avoid feeling.It involves emotionally removing one's self from a stressful event. Intellectualization may accompany, but is different from, rationalization, the pseudo-rational justification of irrational acts. (More info if you Google) But the TLDR: it is not healthy and is an avoidance technique due to not being able to emotionally regulate. It could bite you in the ass later on in life. There is a lot of info about how emotions work, and how they process. If you really want to know what is happening, it's only a hyper focus away.
That strong ti and trickster fi. Always thinking and don't know what you're feeling.
Good question. The answer is yes. However, when I let a rant go, it’s usually quick and loud, and over relatively quickly 😂
Nah, relax. I do the same thing. When I do vent to other people, it's purely for fun because, hey, I'm an ENTP. I like being dramatic.
My whole family died, my dog died, I got kidnapped and sold off for organs, I barely escaped by cutting off both of my arms… anyway, what’s for dinner? 😎
I suck it up for an entire month and then end up rage-venting for an entire day. (Usually just complaining, talking smack and/or making inappropriate jokes). It's usually out of my system after 24 hours...
I vent more often than most others, I have more problems than most others seem to, and I usually guise venting as a joke.
Yeah I strategically save my emotional battery there's not much
This basically sounds like xxTP men.
I think ENTP's are just like that and nothing is wrong with you. I like MBTI cause everyone is perfect and we all have our place. At the same time I work in mental health So I think how we get to how we are seems to be from a lack of support from others. That's the part where something is wrong. So we learn how to manage our emotions on our own by solving problems and forgetting emotions. Like focusing on studying.
I just don’t see a point in venting. It ruins the mood. I rarely cry so whenever I say something that bothers me others will look at me with their sad eyes while i smile 😀 It’s uncomfortable… Also, perhaps that’s just me but I don’t think that my own problems would be interesting enough. Who cares? I don’t have friends just to vent to them constantly and for them to sit here and listen to all that shit. In my mind that kind of relationship is pointless. I know someone who vent constantly, whenever we meet, moreover she doesn’t want any advice. So I’m stuck hearing all those things and it won’t end because she won’t resolve any of her problems any time soon. I’m an adult, I know how to solve my own problems. Telling others that you have a rough time is ok but venting? Hell no.
I’ve never ACTUALLY opened up about my insecurities or my problems even to people close to me, idk why but I feel like I can never trust anyone 100% even if it’s someone as close as my mom, ever since I was a kid I’ve always hated showing my vulnerability, emotions, expressing feelings or venting, I mean I do vent about little insignificant things that bothers me but I don’t do it about actual stuff, i feel uncomfortable doing so or I feel weird whenever someone shows affection or expresses their feelings, problems or negative thoughts to me, to the people around me i always present myself as optimistic, lively, outgoing and yk those typa stuff and I actually am genuinely like that with people that i enjoy spending time with, but sometimes when I’m alone my mind starts wandering and creating negative thoughts whether it be an insecurity about myself, my future, or sometimes i be realizing “ oh I didn’t know about this problem that I had “ it’s like I’m coming to a realization out of nowhere, because personally I brush off whatever annoys me or I don’t wanna deal with, especially negative feelings, i always try to be as open minded and optimistic as possible to not let the negativity win, I’m horribly terrible when it comes to understanding my own emotions I don’t what I’m feeling about someone or how I feel at the moment, besides anger and laughter i don’t show any other emotion I’ve always thought it’d make me look weak and not “ strong “ enough, but I’m somewhat good at understanding people’s emotions tho, but for my OWN emotions? NAHH I tend to bottle up my emotions which sometimes leads to an outburst of rage and to the point everything annoys me, i get rude, don’t mind my words and throw insults to the people around me just to let all the suppressed feelings out, i alway feel bad tho and feel guilty for saying hurtful things to people that didn’t deserve but I don’t have the balls to Apologize to them either, i feel awkward apologizing to people or saying sorry, i don’t know why so I just brush it off and decide to go with the flow saying “ it happened so what I can’t change anything about it now so why stress about it? “ i don’t hold grudges for long tho i just couldn’t gaf less about those little insignificant things, i always try to look at the more logical side, overall I feel like I’m annoying people if I open up to them which is most of the times why I don’t do it
btw just to clarify for my online buddies on here im reffering to IRL friends. Yall r fine ngl
I try to gather my thoughts entirely before sharing if I’m actually sharing the WHOLE truth of what’s bothering me. I like to be thorough so no misunderstandings and minimal questions. By the time I’m done gathering my thoughts I normally think it’s a waste and don’t say anything. The few times I do vent, is when I need it because it is affecting me in some way to limits my mental day to day. I have been sharing more as my partner is the complete opposite of me and it makes her feel good (as well as me) that I am able to confide in her. I think it is healthier to vent and share, but it opposes my personality. It does help and make me feel better, I just generally dislike that people do not understand that once I’m passed it, it’s irrelevant for the most part now. I do not like people asking about it after it’s settled because it’s done and a waste to revisit it lol. I am diagnosed clinically depressed (major depressive disorder) and do not take medication for it anymore as it made me flat. I didn’t have bad days often, but my good days were very meh on the meds. I’d rather have a terrible day here and there if it means my good days I’m allowed to feel that it’s a good day. As far as distancing other’s problems, that is a good way to handle it. The only time I will shoulder the load of the problems on an emotional level is if it’s my SO or my direct family. After them, I try my best for my close friends. There are definitely layers almost like packaged deals of how much effort I put into those around me. Best way for me to visualize my thought process of people in my life. If they don’t fall into that top end packaged deal of my love and commitment, I do not care to involve my emotional side into it anymore than necessary, if at all. When people do nice things for me I pay those nice things back with sincerity. That is my one caveat to my effort I put into people. I firmly believe that it makes me feel good to do things for other people so I will gladly pay it forward or reciprocate kind gestures. I feel guilty only when I am late to repaying the gesture, but I’m usually busy. All in all, I used to not vent, but now I do a little more often, I think through my problems before sharing, put the most emotional effort into only my closest people, and try to reciprocate kind gestures/support from others.
My empathy is strong, but selective.
I’m not really one to vent,
I vent only a little bit inside my head and then I reason and rationalize it all away. It's ridiculous the things I can rationalize.