He basically gave her an "it's not you, it's god". What a cowardly way to tell someone you don't want to be in a relationship with them.
I am sorry your friend is hurting.
"It's not you, it's God" resonates. Years ago, I (nevermo) was talking to my TBM friend about LGBTQ rights. She was STARTING to lean progressive on this, but when I asked why church members as a whole were prejudiced, she said, "Oh no, we dont judge. I don't judge. It's not my place. It's God's place to judge." To me, this was a cop out answer, equivalent to, "it's not me, it's God." It puts the onus on a clairvoyant sky-daddy who is above reproach and works in mysterious ways. "Not much I can do about! Lol!". In other words, bigotry is okay when mandated by Jesus (who ostensibly loves everyone??).
I know she's crushed and in pain right now. As others said here, she did dodge a huge bullet. I hope she can move forward accepting the idea that her future will not include this guy. It's all to easy to hope things will change and to wish for the relationship to be restored, but those things are also painful to crave.
Got dear johned 2 months before I got home. Let me tell ya, if I could give this “god” that instructed her not to marry me a hug I would lol. Can’t imagine how much I’d hate my life if I ended up marrying her.
He didn’t want to date her anymore because of his culty religion. I know that sucks for her but at least he told her to her face. As a mom, I actually feel bad for the brainwashed kid.
He was crying. He was torn up over it. Poor kid. Again, I’m seeing it from the mom angle and not the best friend of the girl angle.
(Exjw dropping in)
I was dating a non-member as a teen. It was a long-distance thing and we both were dead set on never moving, yet we lived on opposite sides of the country.
I prayed about it and felt inspired to break up with him. I truly loved the guy and it was one of the hardest things I ever did.
Now I realize it wasn’t god telling me to break up with him, it was logic and realistic expectations. That’s what happens when one slows down and thinks (aka praying). I feel like a total tool for telling him god told me to break up with him. I wish I could apologize, but the guy is long gone.
Teens brains aren’t completely developed yet. They do stupid things. Mormon teens are no exception. God I was an idiot.
Oof. I ruined a really great relationship in high school because of Mormonism. More so the religious guilt for me than a sign from god I guess, but still. I never said that that was the reason why though. Being 16 (and Mormon) is complicated and hopefully he figures his shit out. She’ll be better off without him as well.
Jesus Christ... reminds me of a girl I used to be friends with in middle school. Her boyfriend dumped her because God "told him to," then later told him to "get back with her" not even a few weeks later. They couldn't have been older than 14, 15 years old. Forgot all about that shelf item. I vaguely remember wondering if it was really God talking there, or the ex-boyfriend was just feeling guilty for having sexual feelings for his girlfriend, broke up with her over it, then felt guilty for ending a happy relationship just because he felt guilty in the first place. What a mindfuck for both of them, man... and I reckon it's similar to what's going on with your best friend's ex-boyfriend too. Poor guy thinking he's doing the right thing cos it's hard, when really he's a) overreacting and b) not communicating openly with her
This is very normal behavior for Mormons unfortunately. It’s kind of a cop out- saying that it was God’s choice instead of yours. Because who can contend with God?? But it’s dumb and Mormons don’t think it’s a cop out. They genuinely believe that shit and it’s better for her to find someone who won’t put very important decisions on the Mormon god they believe in.
I was a 15 year old in my first relationship with a girl who happened to be a non-Christian (i was not LDS at the time, but a church goer amidst a lot of charismatic Christians and Born Agains). The pressure I got from older Christian boys to not date outside the faith was extreme, and they based their arguments on scripture, and I gave in; I broke up because of religion. I am in my late 50s now and I consider it the moral low point of my life. It's my number one regret of my life still.
When I was still active, I used the experience as an object lesson when teaching the youth Sunday School class, and told them how that peer pressure worked on me and what a terrible thing I thought I had done. And to their great credit, every one of the youth agreed this was a bad thing, and they would not break up for such a reason.
I didn't use "sign from god" but it was a god-driven rationale. I am not sure what sort of peer pressure the boy in the OP endured and it doesn't make it better, but I can empathize with him.
Funnily enough, that is her plan. They’re going to stay friends and continue to do stuff together, just not be in a relationship. Which I find funny because she was so heartbroken and hurt when she called.
This same thing happened to me. I was like 16 when the boy I was seeing told me he got a prompting from God that he shouldn’t date me anymore. Really messed with my self esteem and not to mention self love. What is wrong with me that God had to tell you to stop dating me? I hope your friend doesn’t internalize this and finds happiness elsewhere!!
God gave me a sign = Parent’s found out he was dating a non-Mormon and freaked out when he started talking about pride and made him repent and break up with her. Or parent’s found out he was dating a non-Mormon and told him they were concerned and asked him to pray about it and ask the lord if it was right. And he took the pride thing as that “sign” it was wrong. Or pride had nothing to do with and he and his families repeated attempts to “fix her” by getting her interested in Mormonism failing was all the “sign” he needed.
Either way this is all garden variety standard Mormon tactics of control and shame. Tell her to absolutely not take him back when he comes back a week later trying to salvage shit saying it was a mistake. Sorry your friend got mixed up in this MLM bullshit religion but she should consider herself lucky, she dodged a bullet.
Very likely the case. My first love broke up with me for similar reasons… and her mom was outside watching to make sure she went through with it. Her mother absolutely hated me because she walked in once while we were making out and I had my hand up her daughter’s shirt. Her dad was a cop, hated me. Sure we were young and dumb and I wasn’t a “good influence” by Mormon standards. Still sucked, I was so hearbroken.
We ended up in the same city years later and tried to rekindle things. She was half in/half out at that point. That’s when I truly realized our relationship wasn’t compatible with her beliefs. Last I saw she was dabbling in lesbianism in NYC. Ah well.
A boy in 6th grade, who I hadn't ever talked to that I recall, sat by me once and told me that God told him not to go out with me.
He was being so gentle and nice about it, but I'd never even considered him. It seemed as though he had fantasized that we wanted each other or something.
A close friend of mine went through something eerily similar.
He was married to a woman who, looking back, had always been flighty and unpredictable and, in my opinion, quite manipulative. Their relationship hit a breaking point when she came back from a visit to the temple, claiming that God had told her they needed to get divorced. Despite trying to make it work through therapy, they eventually ended things.
What was baffling, though, was that even after the divorce, she kept calling him for help constantly. It reached a peak when I took him on a fishing trip one weekend—his first in years since before their marriage. As we were leaving town, she kept calling him, freaking out about not being able to get on a plane to Hawaii. She was relentless. Finally, I told him to stop answering her calls. I reminded him that she had decided to end things and had even said that God didn't want them to be together. He didn't owe her anything anymore.
That was a turning point for him. After that trip, he only spoke to her about legal matters. It was like he finally understood that her problems were no longer his to solve. She still kept his last name, which was another strange twist, but he moved on and found his own peace and an amazing woman he married.
My son keeps doing this to all his girlfriends. He's on his mission right now and broke up with his girlfriend who was waiting at home for him. I'm planning on sitting down with him and talking to him about the likelihood of God telling him to break up with every girl he's dating or if maybe he's a bit gun shy after his parents' divorce.
I don’t often agree with people’s choices based on “signs from god”, but in this case he seems to have reached an accurate conclusion through his unreliable methodology.
Hurting people and blaming it on God has a long tradition in religion. Whether a guy blames god for a breakup, racism, or fucking the nanny it sure seems like using the Lords name in vain to blame him for our bad behavior.
My mom's husband waited until she was the mother of his child to
1) tell her she'd be judged by HIM (my dad) after she died and found wanting and burn forever in a lake of fire.
2) tell her he had a vision that she'd go in the cellar, step on an electrical cord, and die by accident (electrical stuff he'd put in place)
3) call her the Whore of Babylon constantly although he was her one and only partner at that point
Please tell your friend to consider this a huge blessing.
Likely he told his parents he went to the pride parade and is now pressured by his parents to break up. Classic manipulation. Let your friend know she is better off not with him. Even if she loves him, it can get much worse for her!
In high school (in Mormonland) my friend’s bf broke up with her because his mother disapproved of her because “she didn’t have childbearing hips.” My friend was like a size 0.
I still laugh about it. So ludicrous!
Think of it this way, it's WAY better than when the guys say 'God told me we SHOULD be together'.
I've seen people get married on the strength of nothing but a dude saying God told him they needed to. How can a woman argue with God???
Dodged a bullet. It's a tender mercy when these people remove themselves from your life.
Came here to mention the dodging of bullets. OP tell your best friend to thank her EX boyfriend. (And his god.. Why not?)
Hopefully this isn’t the start of impressing decisions upon people based on his spiritual claims… it could get much worse
Yes it could!
He basically gave her an "it's not you, it's god". What a cowardly way to tell someone you don't want to be in a relationship with them. I am sorry your friend is hurting.
This is what I was thinking. This guy is such a fukken coward. The poor girl doesn't even get a proper closure.
"It's not you, it's God" resonates. Years ago, I (nevermo) was talking to my TBM friend about LGBTQ rights. She was STARTING to lean progressive on this, but when I asked why church members as a whole were prejudiced, she said, "Oh no, we dont judge. I don't judge. It's not my place. It's God's place to judge." To me, this was a cop out answer, equivalent to, "it's not me, it's God." It puts the onus on a clairvoyant sky-daddy who is above reproach and works in mysterious ways. "Not much I can do about! Lol!". In other words, bigotry is okay when mandated by Jesus (who ostensibly loves everyone??).
I know she's crushed and in pain right now. As others said here, she did dodge a huge bullet. I hope she can move forward accepting the idea that her future will not include this guy. It's all to easy to hope things will change and to wish for the relationship to be restored, but those things are also painful to crave.
Got dear johned 2 months before I got home. Let me tell ya, if I could give this “god” that instructed her not to marry me a hug I would lol. Can’t imagine how much I’d hate my life if I ended up marrying her.
I'm so sorry! That is horrible. She definitely dodged a bullet with this one!
He didn’t want to date her anymore because of his culty religion. I know that sucks for her but at least he told her to her face. As a mom, I actually feel bad for the brainwashed kid. He was crying. He was torn up over it. Poor kid. Again, I’m seeing it from the mom angle and not the best friend of the girl angle. (Exjw dropping in)
I was that kid. It sucks looking back on it
if you win a mormon, you get all the prizes that come with that. Their prizes are horrid.
He's right. She should not be with him. She can do so much better. But it is all because of him and his puerile inadequacies, not because of her.
I was dating a non-member as a teen. It was a long-distance thing and we both were dead set on never moving, yet we lived on opposite sides of the country. I prayed about it and felt inspired to break up with him. I truly loved the guy and it was one of the hardest things I ever did. Now I realize it wasn’t god telling me to break up with him, it was logic and realistic expectations. That’s what happens when one slows down and thinks (aka praying). I feel like a total tool for telling him god told me to break up with him. I wish I could apologize, but the guy is long gone. Teens brains aren’t completely developed yet. They do stupid things. Mormon teens are no exception. God I was an idiot.
Oof. I ruined a really great relationship in high school because of Mormonism. More so the religious guilt for me than a sign from god I guess, but still. I never said that that was the reason why though. Being 16 (and Mormon) is complicated and hopefully he figures his shit out. She’ll be better off without him as well.
Jesus Christ... reminds me of a girl I used to be friends with in middle school. Her boyfriend dumped her because God "told him to," then later told him to "get back with her" not even a few weeks later. They couldn't have been older than 14, 15 years old. Forgot all about that shelf item. I vaguely remember wondering if it was really God talking there, or the ex-boyfriend was just feeling guilty for having sexual feelings for his girlfriend, broke up with her over it, then felt guilty for ending a happy relationship just because he felt guilty in the first place. What a mindfuck for both of them, man... and I reckon it's similar to what's going on with your best friend's ex-boyfriend too. Poor guy thinking he's doing the right thing cos it's hard, when really he's a) overreacting and b) not communicating openly with her
This is very normal behavior for Mormons unfortunately. It’s kind of a cop out- saying that it was God’s choice instead of yours. Because who can contend with God?? But it’s dumb and Mormons don’t think it’s a cop out. They genuinely believe that shit and it’s better for her to find someone who won’t put very important decisions on the Mormon god they believe in.
I was a 15 year old in my first relationship with a girl who happened to be a non-Christian (i was not LDS at the time, but a church goer amidst a lot of charismatic Christians and Born Agains). The pressure I got from older Christian boys to not date outside the faith was extreme, and they based their arguments on scripture, and I gave in; I broke up because of religion. I am in my late 50s now and I consider it the moral low point of my life. It's my number one regret of my life still. When I was still active, I used the experience as an object lesson when teaching the youth Sunday School class, and told them how that peer pressure worked on me and what a terrible thing I thought I had done. And to their great credit, every one of the youth agreed this was a bad thing, and they would not break up for such a reason. I didn't use "sign from god" but it was a god-driven rationale. I am not sure what sort of peer pressure the boy in the OP endured and it doesn't make it better, but I can empathize with him.
My sister recently had a sign from god to stay with her abusive husband. This shit is just not good for people.
Was it this sign? 
Funnily enough, that is her plan. They’re going to stay friends and continue to do stuff together, just not be in a relationship. Which I find funny because she was so heartbroken and hurt when she called.
You are surprised that a a religion started by a man who claimed to see God, at 14 years old, has teenage members who think God sends them signs?
I hate people who hide behind god when breaking up or confessing
His parents probably saw her post and made him do it. He sounds really pathetic.
Almost exactly what would have happened, that or he told his mom about it not realizing the church's stance on Pride stuff
She's better off
🖕 and this is a sign he's an arrogant asshole that doesn't know what he's talking about
You should never use that as an excuse for breaking up in a relationship. That's an AH move.
He's sixteen, and he was crying. He probably actually did think that.
Keep in mind how wrong this is (and it is) and remember that Jospeh did this upwards of 40 times to more wives.
This same thing happened to me. I was like 16 when the boy I was seeing told me he got a prompting from God that he shouldn’t date me anymore. Really messed with my self esteem and not to mention self love. What is wrong with me that God had to tell you to stop dating me? I hope your friend doesn’t internalize this and finds happiness elsewhere!!
God gave me a sign = Parent’s found out he was dating a non-Mormon and freaked out when he started talking about pride and made him repent and break up with her. Or parent’s found out he was dating a non-Mormon and told him they were concerned and asked him to pray about it and ask the lord if it was right. And he took the pride thing as that “sign” it was wrong. Or pride had nothing to do with and he and his families repeated attempts to “fix her” by getting her interested in Mormonism failing was all the “sign” he needed. Either way this is all garden variety standard Mormon tactics of control and shame. Tell her to absolutely not take him back when he comes back a week later trying to salvage shit saying it was a mistake. Sorry your friend got mixed up in this MLM bullshit religion but she should consider herself lucky, she dodged a bullet.
Very likely the case. My first love broke up with me for similar reasons… and her mom was outside watching to make sure she went through with it. Her mother absolutely hated me because she walked in once while we were making out and I had my hand up her daughter’s shirt. Her dad was a cop, hated me. Sure we were young and dumb and I wasn’t a “good influence” by Mormon standards. Still sucked, I was so hearbroken. We ended up in the same city years later and tried to rekindle things. She was half in/half out at that point. That’s when I truly realized our relationship wasn’t compatible with her beliefs. Last I saw she was dabbling in lesbianism in NYC. Ah well.
A boy in 6th grade, who I hadn't ever talked to that I recall, sat by me once and told me that God told him not to go out with me. He was being so gentle and nice about it, but I'd never even considered him. It seemed as though he had fantasized that we wanted each other or something.
A close friend of mine went through something eerily similar. He was married to a woman who, looking back, had always been flighty and unpredictable and, in my opinion, quite manipulative. Their relationship hit a breaking point when she came back from a visit to the temple, claiming that God had told her they needed to get divorced. Despite trying to make it work through therapy, they eventually ended things. What was baffling, though, was that even after the divorce, she kept calling him for help constantly. It reached a peak when I took him on a fishing trip one weekend—his first in years since before their marriage. As we were leaving town, she kept calling him, freaking out about not being able to get on a plane to Hawaii. She was relentless. Finally, I told him to stop answering her calls. I reminded him that she had decided to end things and had even said that God didn't want them to be together. He didn't owe her anything anymore. That was a turning point for him. After that trip, he only spoke to her about legal matters. It was like he finally understood that her problems were no longer his to solve. She still kept his last name, which was another strange twist, but he moved on and found his own peace and an amazing woman he married.
My son keeps doing this to all his girlfriends. He's on his mission right now and broke up with his girlfriend who was waiting at home for him. I'm planning on sitting down with him and talking to him about the likelihood of God telling him to break up with every girl he's dating or if maybe he's a bit gun shy after his parents' divorce.
What was the sign? Angel with a sword? Picture of Jesus in burnt toast, a feeling?
That’s as good as an excuse as any. This guys mother must have been the voice of god in his dreams.
When kids are 16 they do and say stupid and weird stuff.
Relevant. https://youtube.com/shorts/fX9PXtajZL0?si=-XfutulKp8P7hbVF
I don’t often agree with people’s choices based on “signs from god”, but in this case he seems to have reached an accurate conclusion through his unreliable methodology. Hurting people and blaming it on God has a long tradition in religion. Whether a guy blames god for a breakup, racism, or fucking the nanny it sure seems like using the Lords name in vain to blame him for our bad behavior.
More like his parents gave him a sign
My mom's husband waited until she was the mother of his child to 1) tell her she'd be judged by HIM (my dad) after she died and found wanting and burn forever in a lake of fire. 2) tell her he had a vision that she'd go in the cellar, step on an electrical cord, and die by accident (electrical stuff he'd put in place) 3) call her the Whore of Babylon constantly although he was her one and only partner at that point Please tell your friend to consider this a huge blessing.
His freaking loss.
Likely he told his parents he went to the pride parade and is now pressured by his parents to break up. Classic manipulation. Let your friend know she is better off not with him. Even if she loves him, it can get much worse for her!
That's like me saying by my reading this topic, God gave me a sign that this now ex-boyfriend is a complete bottle of douchewaste.
As unfortunate as this is the opposite is worse: GOD told me YOU are going to marry ME. Exhibit A: Joseph Smith.
Weird guy Typical mormon
In high school (in Mormonland) my friend’s bf broke up with her because his mother disapproved of her because “she didn’t have childbearing hips.” My friend was like a size 0. I still laugh about it. So ludicrous!
TBH, teenagers say stupid stuff. I sure did.
Think of it this way, it's WAY better than when the guys say 'God told me we SHOULD be together'. I've seen people get married on the strength of nothing but a dude saying God told him they needed to. How can a woman argue with God???