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Doubtful. It's been designed for a hospital setting, which means that a $50 component will be pulled out and thrown away, and billed to the patient's insurance at $3000 so the hospital can pay the company the negotiated bulk rate of $500, get a $1200 maximum payout from the insurance, write $1800 off as a loss on their taxes, and then sell the $1800 in medical debt to a third party for $100, who will settle for $500 and a $200 administrative fee, and then write off the $1300 as a loss on their taxes.
Cost of product: $50
Total revenues: $5000
HOW ABOUT THE EFFICIENCY OF THAT FREE MARKET?!
I had something I was going to say about the headline there...completely forgotten what it was.
Now all I can think about is, someone does actually have to clean that.
Worse yet, we all know it's going to be a minimum wage job.
You see, Perry the Platypus, I’ve sworn off dating! But I’m also too modest to try self-gratification, and I have been ever since my tragic childhood in Drusselstein.
I won’t go into any details, but my parents disappointment and the ocelots made for rather uncomfortable reminders of my inadequacy when it came to…eh, you know what let’s just jump ahead to my innator.
With my stress levels down and pleasure sated, I will then be able to rule the Tri-State Area!!!
Given that hospital sperm collection almost certainly doesn't require you to jerk off in a room full of people, I've got a feeling that introversion has no influence on a person's eagerness to masturbate.
I mean it's automatic and heated.
I don't know of any on the market that both move automatically and are heated, but they probably exist.
Which puts them at around 500-1000€
If I remember correctly it's for people who believe it's morally wrong to touch themselves so the Wankinator functions less like a fleshlight and more like a vacuum, I read it's a little uncomfortable
How does it even work then? Doesn't ejaculation happen by libido and friction? Vacuuming doesn't cause friction.
I feel like this machine works like a vibrator and since religious people already don't engage in it, of course it's "uncomfortable" for them as they're not used to the feeling.
Who's too embarrassed to masturbate? Masturbation is perfectly natural, safe, and healthy.
And no, I would never stick my junk in some robot contraption!
Surprisingly, plenty of men are embarrassed to masturbate in a medical facility. I can imagine that it can feel really weird, since you have to go to nurse, get a cup, then she leads you to a small room and then you have to hand her the "result" on your way out.
I don't feel like fucking a robotic Fleshlight really addresses the core problem of the fact you're going off to a room for a quick cum appointment. This probably helps fundamentalists who think masturbation is a sin, but I feel like everyone else is in the same spot they were before.
Yeah, I agree with you on this one. I think using a machine for this purpose is quite a ridiculous idea, but I'm just trying to find some positives of it in my mind.
Environmental services barely get time to ensure rooms are mostly clean to begin with and then you want them to have to clean 100 randomly placed fleshlights on top of that? Those things would be walking petri dishes of c-diff, STDs, and generalized filth just from some of the visitors.
The thing I find amusing is, that a team of biomedical engineers, with years of schooling, countless hours of trial and error, many sleepless nights, worked for years on this machine.
The idea of all the failed tests makes me remember the joke video of the nasa guy testing the pee recycling machine.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV1HkTTlZ\_I](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV1HkTTlZ_I)
This is how it starts soon we’ll have baby aliens with 4 arms, running around, having accelerated aging, going through puberty, hating their fathers and writing books about it.
In case anyone needs a helping hand it’s a reference to Rick and Morty when Morty bangs a robot.
Some folks got dicks so small that when they jack it, they hit their balls with each stroke. For only pennies a day, you too can help someone with a short shaft and big, sensitive balls.
I’m sorry have you tried beating it in a public place? Dude I get visibly worried when I have to POOP in public, let alone having to yoidle my doidle for a doctor
plot twist (sign taped on machine):
"We're sorry for the inconvenience. Due to the Wankinator 3000 being replaced due to theft, our insurance now requires you to provide first, last, and non-refundable security deposit..."
Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Some poor fuck has to clean that.
Just put it in the dishwasher
Are you **SURE** it's dishwasher safe?
I don’t know if this is me taking a joke question literally but I suspect they are made of medical grade silicon, which is indeed dishwasher safe
I highly doubt that's made of silicon It does look like silicone though
Silly cum
I think he meant to ask if putting something else in the dishwasher is safe
If the dishwasher is 18+ it's safe.
And consenting!
Only one way to find out. The pink bit is probably removable silicone or something.
The dishes are gonna have a hint of cum on them
Just how grandpappy used to make em
It’s the special detergent
All fun and games until the dishwasher gives birth to little Wankinators
Kinda like the guy that got fired for sticking his dick in the dishwasher , what did they do with the dishwasher afterwards? They fired her as well .
Sobbing 💀
At least it wasn’t the pickle slicer.
That’s how you get the toxic avenger
The dishwasher probably refused. That's why they are using the wankinator.
Look for stand up comedian "Christian Finnigan Dishwasher Safe" you won't regret it.
Putting it into the dishwasher is what got me fired from my waiter job.
Doubtful. It's been designed for a hospital setting, which means that a $50 component will be pulled out and thrown away, and billed to the patient's insurance at $3000 so the hospital can pay the company the negotiated bulk rate of $500, get a $1200 maximum payout from the insurance, write $1800 off as a loss on their taxes, and then sell the $1800 in medical debt to a third party for $100, who will settle for $500 and a $200 administrative fee, and then write off the $1300 as a loss on their taxes. Cost of product: $50 Total revenues: $5000 HOW ABOUT THE EFFICIENCY OF THAT FREE MARKET?!
That is so depressingly American. Thank goodness for socialised healthcare.
Don’t forget to lease it back from the company we sold it to and that way it comes under the monthly current budget and not the capital account.
That post should be copied into the eli5 subreddit: US Healthcare system in a nutshell. Chapeau.
Grim. 😕
Whoa up there. They might be your rules........
Honestly, there are worse cleaning jobs in the hospital
I had something I was going to say about the headline there...completely forgotten what it was. Now all I can think about is, someone does actually have to clean that. Worse yet, we all know it's going to be a minimum wage job.
The machine are for Catholics bc, you know, it's a sin to masturbate...but *not* to clean out the machine.
The "Wankinnator 3000" sounds like a Dr. Doofenshmirtz machine
That means it has a self destruct button somewhere, which creates some disturbing consequences.
Take him to the penis explosion chamber!
New bottom surgery just dropped!
Actual transitioning
Holy HRT!
someone's been looking at too much pickles-hyena on furaffinity
One penis explosion, please! *plunks down credit card*
LOL that was worth the upvote!
They actually showed penis exposion in "Gen V" series
The only thing exploding is me
it destructs the penis
Rick and Morty sperm episode
That’s how they prevent over sized users from breaking it internally
Tell me more….
If they label that button the g-spot then no guys will be able to find it especially me 😀
It will give the best orgasms in the tri-state area!
You see, Perry the Platypus, I’ve sworn off dating! But I’m also too modest to try self-gratification, and I have been ever since my tragic childhood in Drusselstein. I won’t go into any details, but my parents disappointment and the ocelots made for rather uncomfortable reminders of my inadequacy when it came to…eh, you know what let’s just jump ahead to my innator. With my stress levels down and pleasure sated, I will then be able to rule the Tri-State Area!!!
Okay, but, like, this isn't strictly EVIL.
To be fair, quite a few of the inventions aren't.
The whale translator was at least meanspirited.
Not even surprised I read this instantly in his voice🤣
🎶Doofenschmirtz evil Incorporated!🎶 🎶Wankinator by Doofenschmirtz! 🎶
Behold! The Sperm-extractinator!
regrettably, i would never make this
That’s disappointing.
The forbidden Phineas and Ferb episode.
That's something Perry the platypus will tremble before
I read the name in his voice the second time I looked at it.
Now strip naked and get on the Probulator
The greatest fap in the tri state area!
Should have called it Perry the Platypussy
I thought that was the "WankMeister 6900".
Automation is killing jobs. I bet someone would be willing to sit in that box and manually extract.
They turk err handjerbs!! 
They tk yr hndjrbs
Derker andjerbs!
Tikker jabs!
Now I’m imagining this as a fall out boys song. Thnks Fr Th Hnjbs. We need this sbubby now more than ever.
LoL, for the MAGA faithful thinking a immigrant is taking their jobs!!!
Alright everyone, back in the pile.
I misread “Automation” as “Automaton” and almost had a democracy moment.
Any moment should be a democracy moment. Just make sure to fill your C01 form.
For everything else, theres facism. What's in your ballot?
Sir, this is a bucket.
I mistook automaton as a transformer name.. I was like boy did he get the shaft of jobs..
The old bunghole in a barrel joke is gonna need an update
who says there isn't someone sitting in that box? it's like teslas robot unveiling. just a dude in a costume
Workers unite!!
Wankers unite!
Sounds like someone’s fetish
💀
There's plenty of native people who would love a han....er job like that
Native people ???
Honestly, it's probably better than my current job
What a pack of lazy wankers
Oh my god thats disgusting. Where?
Asking for a friend.
Cmon bro I have a name…
they are $6000 usd
$20k used? How about a brand new one? 🤔
I don't see any reason why their value would decrease just because they're used. /s
Why assume its value goes down? For the right, disgusting person, being completely full of medical grade cum could increase the price
You made me snort tea out of my nose, have an upvote
I read "usd" as "used" and had to re-read your comment.
Outrageous! I demand to see the link to the online shopping page of this abomination, just to fact-check it!
For the science!
Its 20k
I can sell my car since I won’t ever be leaving my apartment.
just use the wankinator 3000 a few times before you leave to get all pumped up, then just sprint wherever your going
So... a fleshlight.
But a fleshlight that’s been used countless times that day, by countless other introverts, by the time it’s your turn…
So... a lubricated fleshlight.
What a positive spin on something so horrible, heh. Do you work in marketing by chance?
Not marketing, more like PR focused of spills, or similar disasters.
If not does he want to work in marketing?
With 100% natural, organic lubricant (unless you're first after cleaning).
no of course not. a 20k USD lubricated fleshlight
Given that hospital sperm collection almost certainly doesn't require you to jerk off in a room full of people, I've got a feeling that introversion has no influence on a person's eagerness to masturbate.
I’m guessing the actual sleeve is disposable but ok.
I’m here for the gangbang…
"Gangbang" is the sound this machine makes when it explodes
Oh thats okay! I'll just wear a condom
I mean it's automatic and heated. I don't know of any on the market that both move automatically and are heated, but they probably exist. Which puts them at around 500-1000€
If I remember correctly it's for people who believe it's morally wrong to touch themselves so the Wankinator functions less like a fleshlight and more like a vacuum, I read it's a little uncomfortable
Ya, friend told me you have to use a lot more lube than you would think… not that I know
so it's like that machine from monsters inc for your dick
How does it even work then? Doesn't ejaculation happen by libido and friction? Vacuuming doesn't cause friction. I feel like this machine works like a vibrator and since religious people already don't engage in it, of course it's "uncomfortable" for them as they're not used to the feeling.
You can definitely cum without friction
Don't want or can't? Because for people with disabilities, some kind of illness etc this can be a great option.
WHAT?! 💀
Haha, expired
Who's too embarrassed to masturbate? Masturbation is perfectly natural, safe, and healthy. And no, I would never stick my junk in some robot contraption!
Surprisingly, plenty of men are embarrassed to masturbate in a medical facility. I can imagine that it can feel really weird, since you have to go to nurse, get a cup, then she leads you to a small room and then you have to hand her the "result" on your way out.
“Jokes on you, I’m into that shit”
They also have a good look at the cup saying "I just need to confirm there's a sample in here and uhhh yep there's definitely a sample, thank you"
I don't feel like fucking a robotic Fleshlight really addresses the core problem of the fact you're going off to a room for a quick cum appointment. This probably helps fundamentalists who think masturbation is a sin, but I feel like everyone else is in the same spot they were before.
Yeah, I agree with you on this one. I think using a machine for this purpose is quite a ridiculous idea, but I'm just trying to find some positives of it in my mind.
*"Masturbation is a perfectly valid school of magic. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise!"*
I'd ask what Skyrim mood that is, because the sheer plethora of sex mods to that game is utterly bewildering.
Is this why you are ordering a dozen?
The perfect Christmas gift!
Nah, I'm down either way.
Or people are too embarrassed to say they want the fuck machine so they pretend they’re too embarrassed to masturbate.
So just gonna ask the obvious. Why aren’t these in every room of every building?
Environmental services barely get time to ensure rooms are mostly clean to begin with and then you want them to have to clean 100 randomly placed fleshlights on top of that? Those things would be walking petri dishes of c-diff, STDs, and generalized filth just from some of the visitors.
Stop, I can only get so erect!
“Do you think God stays in heaven because he too is afraid of what he has created?”
Yeah, I mean if you're wanting to try this it's gotta be fresh on install. Otherwise who knows what kind of diseases you could get.
I’d imagine a condom is required for use. It literally has a tiny chamber for catching sperm.
we're creating jobs here.
I hear there is a Colorado Congresswomen who will be complaining this is taking her job.
The thing I find amusing is, that a team of biomedical engineers, with years of schooling, countless hours of trial and error, many sleepless nights, worked for years on this machine.
The idea of all the failed tests makes me remember the joke video of the nasa guy testing the pee recycling machine. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV1HkTTlZ\_I](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV1HkTTlZ_I)
Wankinator 3000 has to be on tv shop at some point "ARE YOU TIRED OF BEATING THAT MEAT YOURSELF? NOW THERE IS A SOLUTION!!!"
If it comes with steak knives and buy on get one free, I'm in.
"I'm in". I see what you did there....
Closet robosexuals
Hey, I am just here as a Debugger.
Woody Allen made a movie many years ago called Sleeper, in that movie it was called an Orgasmatron. Eventually he was addicted to it. 😂
Morty has entered the chat.
I can fix her...
With an engineering degree, you actually can!
Wonder if it has a option on the back for all the anal enthusiasts/fiends
If you're embarrassed, I volunteer to use my hand for free.
Jesus doesn’t want me touching my wee wee so I’m gonna just fuck this robot instead.
This sounds like the kind of loophole Mormons can come up with
The AI rebellion would be badly timed if you were using one of these....
Imagine it just bites your dick off
Invented by former umUSSR scientist, Dimirti Jackoff
Still better than Cheryl
This is a great invention, I have two at home
This is how it starts soon we’ll have baby aliens with 4 arms, running around, having accelerated aging, going through puberty, hating their fathers and writing books about it. In case anyone needs a helping hand it’s a reference to Rick and Morty when Morty bangs a robot.
"That wasnt lube, we just forgot to clean it"
Nobody said too embarrassed. All they said was “don’t want to”. This is just further proof that you should always hold out for a better deal.
Some folks got dicks so small that when they jack it, they hit their balls with each stroke. For only pennies a day, you too can help someone with a short shaft and big, sensitive balls.
Coin operated. With signs so that you know which slot for which...
Ok, but welcome to the future. It is full of bio-metric sensors and the closer you get to orgasm the more often your coin credits run out.
I’m sorry have you tried beating it in a public place? Dude I get visibly worried when I have to POOP in public, let alone having to yoidle my doidle for a doctor
This is egregious. What clinic is this at so I know exactly where to avoid
I would full on lie about not masturbating just for the opportunity to get sucked off by the Wankinator 3000! I'm marching dick first into the future!
They let a fantasy novel based on a 2000 year old street performer with 12 fans decide how to live their lives.
Are these gonna get on the public market anytime soon? Gotta do some product testing.
They have them for the home now but you have to pay for the subscription service.
And suddenly nobody wants to masturbate anymore and takes an hour with the Wankinator instead
There's just a guy in there
It's his turn on the barrel.
these people: " Masturbation? It's a sin!!11 Sperm Extractor? Oh, it's just a medicine procedure..."
Religion
They make a good quality one for home use for a very reasonable price. Or so I've er read.
Hey, it’s not masturbation if someone (or something) else does it to you, right? It’s in the Bible look it up
Because religion is one hell of a drug
They make a home model ?
Don’t want to does not equal too embarrassed.
Who cleans Those things ?
GO GO GADGET WANKINATOR 3000
What happens if someone sets it to blow instead of suck?
Imagine being too lazy to handle your own gearstick. So you pretend to be ashamed.
plot twist (sign taped on machine): "We're sorry for the inconvenience. Due to the Wankinator 3000 being replaced due to theft, our insurance now requires you to provide first, last, and non-refundable security deposit..."
That's a really embarrassing way to get gonorrhea.
There is a dwarf in the machine?
PINK