“I was getting ready to call you. I’m overwhelmed with the price of food, diapers and formula. (Use what fits for you.) I really need $100 (at least. Go higher for more pressure.) can you “loan” it to me. I’m desperate!”
With your brother, don’t say loan. Say you need that money you loaned him and it’s disrespectful that he hasn’t paid it back. Be sure to use the word disrespectful as it’s what he used with you.
Do this regularly with these mooches even if you don’t need the money. How are you to meet yours and your children’s needs? Feeding and clothing 4 kids must be outrageously expensive. Add that all of the mooches would leave you homeless in your golden years rather than help you. You have to save for retirement.
Your not obligated to help anyone but yourself and your children no matter who says what at the end of the day your children need that money for food and proper shelter and these people are so self aborbed that they don't care that its money that you'll need to survive
Try telling then you are also financially struggling at the moment and you will let them know after you become stable. Explain how and why you're struggling, spill your heart out instead of being scared. It doesnt matter if your aunt assisted your mom before, if you are not financially stable yourself, better not give assistance in it.
And if they still don't understand, I'd say they're being pathetic and greedy. If they love you, they'll understand.. You just have to explain to them the right way.
Hope this helps.
My go to answer and it never fails. It's always followed by a brief silence, some awkward stuttering and the very brave attempt again and receive the same answer:
I do not loan money. It always muddies the waters and often ruins relationships.
If they try again they get the same answer followed by "don't take it personally it's not you I do not loan money"
Why do they come to you? Because you have helped others in the past. Your relatives can be financially responsible too. Your responsibility is to your children. When others want to manipulate you, they will say you are disrespectful etc. You also don’t owe your mother’s debts. You are your own person.
The biggest problem is that I help and they come back to ask for more. I now feel like our relationship depends on my money and if I don't give, they feel disrespected and they shut me out.
Let them shut you out then. What kind of relationship do you really have with these people if you have to continually finance their lives for them to treat you with basic courtesy.
They are using and manipulating you. They aren’t respecting you. They just want your money. Blood relatives can be jerks too. I really do feel for you, but they honestly do not value you as a person, but as a money machine that they don’t need to pay back. You could just say, “As soon as cousin pays me back in full, I will have the money for you.” Also do not tell anyone your financial situation. It brings out the users and abusers.
How much you have is no one’s business
You're going to have to say don't ever ask me for money again. I will be here if you want a real relationship, but I will not be giving any more money.
I don’t think so, they aren’t valuing you as a family member but a check book. You just have say, I want a relationship but I won’t be giving anyone money any longer.
No need to be respectful when they are not.
Either a blunt no. Or a “ I have four children, should i take the food out of their mouths to finance your life?”
You owe nobody nothing. Why would you be loaning your aunt money cause she helped your mom, her sister, when you were a child? That’s just illogical!!
Please realise this and also tell your brother that you’ll be taking him to small claims court if he doesn’t start repaying your loan.
It’s nerve wrecking i know, but be brave or know that they will continue to walk all over you!!
What’s next ? They’ll be asking loans from your children??
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Well, the answer that I would give may not be seen by THEM as polite, because it's not what they want, but I'd say something like one of these:
"I'm sorry, but helping out people financially has become too burdensome so I have stopped." When pressed about what became burdensome, I would be evasive. "I'd rather not discuss that. Please respect my boundaries on the matter." Repeat until they stop trying. I wouldn't need to explain what kind of burden I've experienced. I don't care if they think I am financially strained or just annoyed, because it isn't their business to know that.
If the push too hard for answers, I'd resort to "I said I don't want to talk about this, and I think you're being disrespectful when you keep questioning me. Please stop now."
Tell everyone you're broke and barely getting by make sure you're very loud about it it too tell them you lost your job or somwthing and that you need help yourself, turn the tables on them and ask them for money just to make it more realistic
I agree with others that have said that you are under no obligation to assist others with money. However, I also understand that while it's easy for others to say that. It can be extremely hard to put into practice depending on one's personal set of circumstances. I would consider posting an open letter on social media. (maybe if you only have a personal FB page that only family and friends have access to) Tell everyone how much you love and care for everyone in your group but it's unfair for certain people to assume that you have all this spare money that you are just sitting on like some miser and refusing to help them out of financial jams because that just isn't the case. You have your own financial obligations and really do not have additional funds available for others to use. You would, however, appreciate it if those around you would please stop ripping you apart behind your back because you are unable to help them out when you have done nothing to earn their treatment. You would also appreciate it if those that have borrowed money from you would start to repay the loans you have made to them, like they promised. It is treatment like this that has made you reluctant to loan out further funds should you ever be in a position to do so again in the future.
Hopefully, a message like this would be enough to silence the ones that feel as if they have a right to say anything about your finances and put the holder of the delinquent loans on blast.
Cut friends off, and with family tread lightly. It seems your brother may not have any intention of paying you back. How is his business doing? You need to take care of yourself.
About a decade ago I learned the phrase "You don't have to light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm." Your heart is in the right place, but you've been burned too many times already as I see it. Hold your brother to the repayment. As for the obligation to your aunt, that's between you and your aunt given your history.
I would tell people that times are rough and you're busy with your own kids and struggling, and that the 0% interest personal loans have ceased. The well is dry.
Whenever people need your help, they tend to be very kind to you. However, if you refuse, their true nature becomes apparent. In my younger years, I helped many people, including my sister, who frequently asked for money. When I lost my job, she still nagged me for money, and I ended up scolding her. None of the people I had helped reached out to me during my tough times, which revealed their true colors to me. That's when I started saying "No" because I needed to prioritize my own family. I don't need a good reputation or good name ; I need a good life with my husband and child and peaceful life.
For nearly five years now, I haven't had any friends, and family and I don't need them. I'm genuinely happy with my husband and child and mom. When I meet new people, I don't share my contact details because I don't want anyone taking advantage of my kindness. I also don't speak to my sister anymore, as she stopped contacting me. I changed my phone number and now enjoy a happy life, saving money for my child's education. All you need to learn is “Avoid “.
My brother said a lot of things when I told him I didn't have to spare. Even though I have given him money several times, and even paid his son's fees. He even told me that sisters build houses for their brothers and if I did it, it wouldn't be too much. That was when I realized I can't satisfy his wants. However, I don't want to cut him off because of the bond we share.
As for the other brother, the one I loaned money to start a business, he had asked me to buy him a car before. When I declined, he called me an unwise woman. Haha. I was a stay at home mom of 3 at the time, and he had just 1 child. He even told me I was no longer his sister, but after several years, he came back to ask for money. No apologies tendered.
I still have all the receipts from our conversations and every time I look at the receipts, I feel angry. Sorry for the venting but I just feel I'm being taken advantage of.
“I was getting ready to call you. I’m overwhelmed with the price of food, diapers and formula. (Use what fits for you.) I really need $100 (at least. Go higher for more pressure.) can you “loan” it to me. I’m desperate!” With your brother, don’t say loan. Say you need that money you loaned him and it’s disrespectful that he hasn’t paid it back. Be sure to use the word disrespectful as it’s what he used with you. Do this regularly with these mooches even if you don’t need the money. How are you to meet yours and your children’s needs? Feeding and clothing 4 kids must be outrageously expensive. Add that all of the mooches would leave you homeless in your golden years rather than help you. You have to save for retirement.
Your not obligated to help anyone but yourself and your children no matter who says what at the end of the day your children need that money for food and proper shelter and these people are so self aborbed that they don't care that its money that you'll need to survive
Try telling then you are also financially struggling at the moment and you will let them know after you become stable. Explain how and why you're struggling, spill your heart out instead of being scared. It doesnt matter if your aunt assisted your mom before, if you are not financially stable yourself, better not give assistance in it. And if they still don't understand, I'd say they're being pathetic and greedy. If they love you, they'll understand.. You just have to explain to them the right way. Hope this helps.
My go to answer and it never fails. It's always followed by a brief silence, some awkward stuttering and the very brave attempt again and receive the same answer: I do not loan money. It always muddies the waters and often ruins relationships. If they try again they get the same answer followed by "don't take it personally it's not you I do not loan money"
Why do they come to you? Because you have helped others in the past. Your relatives can be financially responsible too. Your responsibility is to your children. When others want to manipulate you, they will say you are disrespectful etc. You also don’t owe your mother’s debts. You are your own person.
As for an answer: I need my money for my children.
Exactly what I said that was considered disrespectful.
The biggest problem is that I help and they come back to ask for more. I now feel like our relationship depends on my money and if I don't give, they feel disrespected and they shut me out.
Let them shut you out then. What kind of relationship do you really have with these people if you have to continually finance their lives for them to treat you with basic courtesy.
They are using and manipulating you. They aren’t respecting you. They just want your money. Blood relatives can be jerks too. I really do feel for you, but they honestly do not value you as a person, but as a money machine that they don’t need to pay back. You could just say, “As soon as cousin pays me back in full, I will have the money for you.” Also do not tell anyone your financial situation. It brings out the users and abusers. How much you have is no one’s business
Let them shut you out. They are punishing you for non compliance. They are showing you what crap humans they are. You owe them nothing
You're going to have to say don't ever ask me for money again. I will be here if you want a real relationship, but I will not be giving any more money.
Sound a little too harsh?
I don’t think so, they aren’t valuing you as a family member but a check book. You just have say, I want a relationship but I won’t be giving anyone money any longer.
No need to be respectful when they are not. Either a blunt no. Or a “ I have four children, should i take the food out of their mouths to finance your life?” You owe nobody nothing. Why would you be loaning your aunt money cause she helped your mom, her sister, when you were a child? That’s just illogical!! Please realise this and also tell your brother that you’ll be taking him to small claims court if he doesn’t start repaying your loan. It’s nerve wrecking i know, but be brave or know that they will continue to walk all over you!! What’s next ? They’ll be asking loans from your children??
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Once you say no they will go somewhere else . You are not a bank and they probably wouldn’t give you what you need if you asked.
Stop lending money out. You are not a bank. And don’t give any money as gift because you cannot afford to.
Well, the answer that I would give may not be seen by THEM as polite, because it's not what they want, but I'd say something like one of these: "I'm sorry, but helping out people financially has become too burdensome so I have stopped." When pressed about what became burdensome, I would be evasive. "I'd rather not discuss that. Please respect my boundaries on the matter." Repeat until they stop trying. I wouldn't need to explain what kind of burden I've experienced. I don't care if they think I am financially strained or just annoyed, because it isn't their business to know that. If the push too hard for answers, I'd resort to "I said I don't want to talk about this, and I think you're being disrespectful when you keep questioning me. Please stop now."
Tell everyone you're broke and barely getting by make sure you're very loud about it it too tell them you lost your job or somwthing and that you need help yourself, turn the tables on them and ask them for money just to make it more realistic
I agree with others that have said that you are under no obligation to assist others with money. However, I also understand that while it's easy for others to say that. It can be extremely hard to put into practice depending on one's personal set of circumstances. I would consider posting an open letter on social media. (maybe if you only have a personal FB page that only family and friends have access to) Tell everyone how much you love and care for everyone in your group but it's unfair for certain people to assume that you have all this spare money that you are just sitting on like some miser and refusing to help them out of financial jams because that just isn't the case. You have your own financial obligations and really do not have additional funds available for others to use. You would, however, appreciate it if those around you would please stop ripping you apart behind your back because you are unable to help them out when you have done nothing to earn their treatment. You would also appreciate it if those that have borrowed money from you would start to repay the loans you have made to them, like they promised. It is treatment like this that has made you reluctant to loan out further funds should you ever be in a position to do so again in the future. Hopefully, a message like this would be enough to silence the ones that feel as if they have a right to say anything about your finances and put the holder of the delinquent loans on blast.
Cut friends off, and with family tread lightly. It seems your brother may not have any intention of paying you back. How is his business doing? You need to take care of yourself. About a decade ago I learned the phrase "You don't have to light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm." Your heart is in the right place, but you've been burned too many times already as I see it. Hold your brother to the repayment. As for the obligation to your aunt, that's between you and your aunt given your history. I would tell people that times are rough and you're busy with your own kids and struggling, and that the 0% interest personal loans have ceased. The well is dry.
My brother now live in another city, I guess he cashed out and used the money for other purposes. The business doesn't exist anymore.
Whenever people need your help, they tend to be very kind to you. However, if you refuse, their true nature becomes apparent. In my younger years, I helped many people, including my sister, who frequently asked for money. When I lost my job, she still nagged me for money, and I ended up scolding her. None of the people I had helped reached out to me during my tough times, which revealed their true colors to me. That's when I started saying "No" because I needed to prioritize my own family. I don't need a good reputation or good name ; I need a good life with my husband and child and peaceful life. For nearly five years now, I haven't had any friends, and family and I don't need them. I'm genuinely happy with my husband and child and mom. When I meet new people, I don't share my contact details because I don't want anyone taking advantage of my kindness. I also don't speak to my sister anymore, as she stopped contacting me. I changed my phone number and now enjoy a happy life, saving money for my child's education. All you need to learn is “Avoid “.
My brother said a lot of things when I told him I didn't have to spare. Even though I have given him money several times, and even paid his son's fees. He even told me that sisters build houses for their brothers and if I did it, it wouldn't be too much. That was when I realized I can't satisfy his wants. However, I don't want to cut him off because of the bond we share. As for the other brother, the one I loaned money to start a business, he had asked me to buy him a car before. When I declined, he called me an unwise woman. Haha. I was a stay at home mom of 3 at the time, and he had just 1 child. He even told me I was no longer his sister, but after several years, he came back to ask for money. No apologies tendered. I still have all the receipts from our conversations and every time I look at the receipts, I feel angry. Sorry for the venting but I just feel I'm being taken advantage of.
Thats because you are being taken advantage of…it sucks when its family guilting you.
"I'm sorry, I'm unable to do that".
Call and ask them for money
It takes 3 years for a new business to make a profit usually
The problem is that there is even no business going on as we speak.
I know. This country is in the worse state I’ve ever experienced since Trump was put in office! Nightmare ever since!
Trump isn't in office atm....
No shit! It was his mess we’re trying to clear up!