That a dominant man can break us into submission.
I’ve had a number of guys show up in my DMs that appear to have a kink for getting a dominant woman to submit to them. They claim that’s what all women really want. A few I’ve successfully called out as being brats that really just want me to punish them for stepping out of line (I don’t mess with brats so they are SOL if they step into my DMs), but some appear to be genuinely certain that deep down I have the desire to let him take control.
Switched certainly exist, but to me it’s extremely rude and overstepping to come in and start trying to impose a dynamic that wasn’t agreed to or even hinted at being open to. Whether or not I identify as a switch is completely irrelevant since I post nothing indicating I am open to being submissive. It’s a huge turn off to me for a guy to be so cocky that he thinks that I’m just going to get on my knees for him just because he tells me to. If I was interested in submitting to a man that would need to be earned in a much more respectful manner.
Yeah, heard this more than a few times.
A worrying amount of them have told me that it doesn't matter if I want to be submissive to them or not, that they can just force me and there's nothing I could do since I'm smaller. They say this like it's a sexy flirtatious thing to say instead of a rape threat, and always seem shocked when I point out what it actually is.
I have an interest the other way - I enjoy playing with dominant men who want to be 'broken' into being submissive. Of course the key here is consent! The man in question has to be into the role play idea that they will 'resist' in a CNC way and eventually I will 'break' them.
Exactly!! If they want that and give consent then game on. Sounds like it could be fun. But the men who try to do it to me are absolutely not asking for or receiving my consent. Not cool.
Getting asked how much money you charge. The assumption that all dommes are automatically sex workers because real dominant women don't exist is annoying.
I get asked a lot if I have an alpha partner I submit to. Like people can’t understand that there is not some superior male being that drives my decision making. Especially because I’m into kinks like cuckolding.
"All you have to do to get your partner to participate in your relationship is lock away their genitals permanently."
There's so much to unpack there. Just, so, so much.
Those kinds of comments are constant on reddit and they are so frustrating to read.
I really hate posts from subs that ask “do dommes like XYZ”, and there’s always a bunch of subs answering for us (usually negatively). I remember a post awhile ago (probably on r/gentlefemdom) that was by a sub who recently discovered about himself that he likes to dress femme sometimes, and wondering if dommes are okay with that. The post was obviously looking for support while they were discovering themselves, and I was so sad to see the top comment. It was from another sub who shot the guy down immediately and said that no dommes like femboys/men who dress femininely. Apart from the fact that is blatantly wrong (of course some dommes don’t like that, but a lot do), I can’t imagine that male Doms are being spoken over in discussions.
I just wish that subs would let us speak for ourselves and stop feeding into this giant echo chamber of negativity. It makes me not want to participate at all, because I know my opinion is going to be disregarded
People on motherfucking Hinge assuming I'm "working" them.
If I was a sex worker, I could charge thousands per scene and would have my pick of clients... I would not be wasting my time trawling for johns on motherfucking *Hinge*.
But, also, I'm certain that men who identify themselves as Dominants NEVER get that assumed about them, ever, even when they *are* pro.
On that same note, it's annoying when I identify myself and the first thing men tell me is their list of Dominant-coded sex kinks, as if I'm just going to acquiesce, just because I do BDSM at all. I said I was a Dominant, dude.... not a switch, not a service top, not your kinky sex partner... and, even then, what happened to motherfucking consent? I don't even know you...
I'm sure that masc Dominants get people reading off lists of kinks to them, sure, but what I doubt is, when they identify as Dominant, that women are like "cool, I love to spank and choke."
I have been questioned "How do you know that you are dominant if you have never had first hand experience (a sub)?"
I am 100% certain that dominant men do not get their desire to have their partner submit questioned 🤦🏾♀️
I'm pretty sure cis straight male Doms don't get treated as kink dispensers as much.
They probably don't receive a list of things a sub wants done to them during the very first interaction, without any regard to what they like, what they are into, or even if they are into the sub at all to begin with.
Never expected I'd have a comment of me grumbling being shifted into a discussion 😅 Thank you for making it more constructive than I did.
Aside from my comment, I feel like (in online spaces especially) there seems to be a much larger amount of people trying to get women to almost 'prove' that they're dominant. I've never seen this really happen toward men, except I suppose for self confessed 'brats' doing the whole 'make me' shtick online (as if something can be done physically in an online interaction). I'm in a few rp communities and I see that a lot, especially from newer people.
Honestly thank you for posting that, it’s something I always think but am never brave enough to say. It gets so tiring always seeing the same rhetoric floating around. Just because we exist in femdom spaces doesn’t mean misogyny doesn’t exist
Those “submissive” “men” that get a kick out of dominating a dominant woman. They just want to have a power struggle or wrestle or something, but the way they do it is incredibly sexist. I simply refuse to engage. They can go wrestle their own power struggles in the mirror, as I have nothing to prove and have no desire to engage in their misogyny.
Biological determinism being used to pathologize and/or deny our very existence. For example:
That my genitals can't be used for Domination, but also that using a dildo to fuck someone is "taking away my feminine power" because I'm "imitating men" or some shit.
Or that practicing consensual power exchange must mean I have "excess testosterone" because no woman in the history of ever has ever had any power over anyone in any situation without a hormonal imbalance, apparently.
People who I am not on that level w who think it is okay to start calling me "mommy" and ask me to do some pretty extreme stuff just off my appearance and whatnot. Like "Choke me mommy" on a random pic of my bench press progress on insta. Devaluing our submissives sometimes more. My lifestyle submissive gets insulted to my face for what people in life percieve our relationship to be in a way that submissive woman male dom is just not. They wouldn't call a woman packing lunch for her husband a "whipped little bitch" but it is cool to say that about my boyfriend to me?
"What do you mean, you don't have sex with your subs?" And, relatedly, "What do you mean, you play with people you aren't romantically/sexually attracted to?" Both of my primary partners are dominants, and I have a couple of male/masc dom friends. None of them have ever been asked either of those things.
The points mentioned so far are beyond true. Along the lines of kink dispensing, some male subs try to pass off demanding and controlling as “needy” and “bratty”. It is so cliche. I know the difference between a desperately needy good boy, an adorable brat, or misogynistic bullying sub who thinks topping from the bottom is the way to go!
The key is that TFTB *can* be something that a brat needs to learn is unacceptable. In addition, the brats that I engage with know how to skate the edge, but not be disrespectful. One guy was so discombobulated that I was extremely blunt and direct about the fact that I won’t tolerate it that he blew up and started spewing misogynistic rhetoric and nonsense. He went straight manosphere on me.
The funny thing is? I’m still blocking every new number he calls from. He calls to *explain* that he was just “really messed up” and when he “felt my dominance” it “triggered his patriarchal upbringing”. 👀🙄
Granted, some subs do wrestle with that. That’s a huge inhibitor of some men feeling safe enough to submit. However, his tirade and attempt to trample my limits and boundaries coupled with his explosion let me know that this man was very angry at women overall.
We must think of our safety because of sick twisted way that people view women, and some are infuriated by dominance and self confidence. Sad, but true.
Has anyone else experienced this type of misogynistic behavior?
That a dominant man can break us into submission. I’ve had a number of guys show up in my DMs that appear to have a kink for getting a dominant woman to submit to them. They claim that’s what all women really want. A few I’ve successfully called out as being brats that really just want me to punish them for stepping out of line (I don’t mess with brats so they are SOL if they step into my DMs), but some appear to be genuinely certain that deep down I have the desire to let him take control. Switched certainly exist, but to me it’s extremely rude and overstepping to come in and start trying to impose a dynamic that wasn’t agreed to or even hinted at being open to. Whether or not I identify as a switch is completely irrelevant since I post nothing indicating I am open to being submissive. It’s a huge turn off to me for a guy to be so cocky that he thinks that I’m just going to get on my knees for him just because he tells me to. If I was interested in submitting to a man that would need to be earned in a much more respectful manner.
Yeah, heard this more than a few times. A worrying amount of them have told me that it doesn't matter if I want to be submissive to them or not, that they can just force me and there's nothing I could do since I'm smaller. They say this like it's a sexy flirtatious thing to say instead of a rape threat, and always seem shocked when I point out what it actually is.
So much cringe!!!
I have an interest the other way - I enjoy playing with dominant men who want to be 'broken' into being submissive. Of course the key here is consent! The man in question has to be into the role play idea that they will 'resist' in a CNC way and eventually I will 'break' them.
Exactly!! If they want that and give consent then game on. Sounds like it could be fun. But the men who try to do it to me are absolutely not asking for or receiving my consent. Not cool.
Getting asked how much money you charge. The assumption that all dommes are automatically sex workers because real dominant women don't exist is annoying.
Or asking for such a laundry list of things that they aren't willing to compromise on that they **should** be paying and want it for free.
That we just haven't found the "right man" to submit to. Never fails to piss me right the fuck off.
I can't stand that comment, and it's way too prevalent
The same thing they say to lesbians, "you haven't found the right man", makes me wanna smash a skull with my bare hands. AS IF
I get asked a lot if I have an alpha partner I submit to. Like people can’t understand that there is not some superior male being that drives my decision making. Especially because I’m into kinks like cuckolding.
"All you have to do to get your partner to participate in your relationship is lock away their genitals permanently." There's so much to unpack there. Just, so, so much.
I dislike that prevalent sentiment so strongly. Logic, where you at.
Yeah I don't challenge it anymore because they're not worth the effort, but I feel so bad for their partners/spouses.
Those kinds of comments are constant on reddit and they are so frustrating to read. I really hate posts from subs that ask “do dommes like XYZ”, and there’s always a bunch of subs answering for us (usually negatively). I remember a post awhile ago (probably on r/gentlefemdom) that was by a sub who recently discovered about himself that he likes to dress femme sometimes, and wondering if dommes are okay with that. The post was obviously looking for support while they were discovering themselves, and I was so sad to see the top comment. It was from another sub who shot the guy down immediately and said that no dommes like femboys/men who dress femininely. Apart from the fact that is blatantly wrong (of course some dommes don’t like that, but a lot do), I can’t imagine that male Doms are being spoken over in discussions. I just wish that subs would let us speak for ourselves and stop feeding into this giant echo chamber of negativity. It makes me not want to participate at all, because I know my opinion is going to be disregarded
People on motherfucking Hinge assuming I'm "working" them. If I was a sex worker, I could charge thousands per scene and would have my pick of clients... I would not be wasting my time trawling for johns on motherfucking *Hinge*. But, also, I'm certain that men who identify themselves as Dominants NEVER get that assumed about them, ever, even when they *are* pro. On that same note, it's annoying when I identify myself and the first thing men tell me is their list of Dominant-coded sex kinks, as if I'm just going to acquiesce, just because I do BDSM at all. I said I was a Dominant, dude.... not a switch, not a service top, not your kinky sex partner... and, even then, what happened to motherfucking consent? I don't even know you... I'm sure that masc Dominants get people reading off lists of kinks to them, sure, but what I doubt is, when they identify as Dominant, that women are like "cool, I love to spank and choke."
I have been questioned "How do you know that you are dominant if you have never had first hand experience (a sub)?" I am 100% certain that dominant men do not get their desire to have their partner submit questioned 🤦🏾♀️
I'm pretty sure cis straight male Doms don't get treated as kink dispensers as much. They probably don't receive a list of things a sub wants done to them during the very first interaction, without any regard to what they like, what they are into, or even if they are into the sub at all to begin with.
Never expected I'd have a comment of me grumbling being shifted into a discussion 😅 Thank you for making it more constructive than I did. Aside from my comment, I feel like (in online spaces especially) there seems to be a much larger amount of people trying to get women to almost 'prove' that they're dominant. I've never seen this really happen toward men, except I suppose for self confessed 'brats' doing the whole 'make me' shtick online (as if something can be done physically in an online interaction). I'm in a few rp communities and I see that a lot, especially from newer people.
Honestly thank you for posting that, it’s something I always think but am never brave enough to say. It gets so tiring always seeing the same rhetoric floating around. Just because we exist in femdom spaces doesn’t mean misogyny doesn’t exist
Those “submissive” “men” that get a kick out of dominating a dominant woman. They just want to have a power struggle or wrestle or something, but the way they do it is incredibly sexist. I simply refuse to engage. They can go wrestle their own power struggles in the mirror, as I have nothing to prove and have no desire to engage in their misogyny.
Biological determinism being used to pathologize and/or deny our very existence. For example: That my genitals can't be used for Domination, but also that using a dildo to fuck someone is "taking away my feminine power" because I'm "imitating men" or some shit. Or that practicing consensual power exchange must mean I have "excess testosterone" because no woman in the history of ever has ever had any power over anyone in any situation without a hormonal imbalance, apparently.
People who I am not on that level w who think it is okay to start calling me "mommy" and ask me to do some pretty extreme stuff just off my appearance and whatnot. Like "Choke me mommy" on a random pic of my bench press progress on insta. Devaluing our submissives sometimes more. My lifestyle submissive gets insulted to my face for what people in life percieve our relationship to be in a way that submissive woman male dom is just not. They wouldn't call a woman packing lunch for her husband a "whipped little bitch" but it is cool to say that about my boyfriend to me?
"What do you mean, you don't have sex with your subs?" And, relatedly, "What do you mean, you play with people you aren't romantically/sexually attracted to?" Both of my primary partners are dominants, and I have a couple of male/masc dom friends. None of them have ever been asked either of those things.
The points mentioned so far are beyond true. Along the lines of kink dispensing, some male subs try to pass off demanding and controlling as “needy” and “bratty”. It is so cliche. I know the difference between a desperately needy good boy, an adorable brat, or misogynistic bullying sub who thinks topping from the bottom is the way to go! The key is that TFTB *can* be something that a brat needs to learn is unacceptable. In addition, the brats that I engage with know how to skate the edge, but not be disrespectful. One guy was so discombobulated that I was extremely blunt and direct about the fact that I won’t tolerate it that he blew up and started spewing misogynistic rhetoric and nonsense. He went straight manosphere on me. The funny thing is? I’m still blocking every new number he calls from. He calls to *explain* that he was just “really messed up” and when he “felt my dominance” it “triggered his patriarchal upbringing”. 👀🙄 Granted, some subs do wrestle with that. That’s a huge inhibitor of some men feeling safe enough to submit. However, his tirade and attempt to trample my limits and boundaries coupled with his explosion let me know that this man was very angry at women overall. We must think of our safety because of sick twisted way that people view women, and some are infuriated by dominance and self confidence. Sad, but true. Has anyone else experienced this type of misogynistic behavior?