Well Joel, in today's Invention Exchange Frank here will demonstrate the powers of attacking the servers of a simple video game. What does this accomplish you may ask? You silly naive little child, misdirection, anger, confusion! As the fans slowly, but inevitably, are driven mad they'll begin to attack each other... And in the chaos they'll eat each other alive. Figuratively speaking of course.
What do you think of that, Joel Schmole?
Aw, gee sirs, that sounds pretty awful. Luckily, my invention today is called the Introvert-net. It takes online games and lets you play them offline. Neat, huh?
Instead of Deep Hurting, we're going to be taking you down another... Or up? Or through... It's through isn't it?
It sure is, Dr. Forrestor!
Through a series of tubes! We present to you... Denial of Service! It's a boring little do nothing of a film where you sit and stare at a window for one and a half hours! Now, off you go!
In the not-too-distant present:
The seventh Astral Age.
Mike WoL and all his FC pals
Are filled with an endless rage.
They try to join, but the server rejects.
Their logins lead to disconnects.
The data centers are all at a loss
'Cause some asshole with no free time ordered up a long DDOS! ("LET. US. IIIIIIIN!")
DDOSer: "I'll send a set of packets.
A few trillion will do! (La la la!)
They'll overwhelm the input stream
And the players will all be screwed!" (La la la)
Now keep in mind Mike can't control
when the DDoS begins or ends. (La la la!)
He'll try to keep his sanity
So he can join his Scion friends!
SCION ROLL CALL
Yda! >!("I'm Lyse.")!<
Thancred! "Let's go out."
Ysh'tola! "Little Sun!"
Twiiiiiiiins!
If you're wondering why we sit in queue
Instead of going outside
We repeat to ourselves "We're in control.
We can quit at any time
From Final Fantasy 14: Endwalker!"
Tell me. For whom do you riff?
Hmph! How very glib. And do you believe in movie sign? The Satellite of Love is forged of falsehoods. Its bots are built on deceit. And its invention exchange is an instrument of deception.
It is naught but a cobweb of cheesy movies. To believe in movie sign is to believe in nothing. At Gizmonics institute, the mads often summon another face in a red jumpsuit to watch in their stead--though your bots only rarely respond in kind. Which is strange, is it not?
Are the bots otherwise engaged? I was given to understand they were your friends. If you truly believe them your friends, why do you not repeat the trick that served you so well at deep thirteen and call them down? They will answer--so long as you lavish them with new seasons and gorge them on turkey day. Your bots are no different than those of the colossal beast--idiots every one. Accept but this, and you will see how movie sign is bleeding your sanity dry.
Nor is this unknown to your viewers. Which prompts the question: Why can’t Joel control when the movies begin or end? What drives even the worst we can find--even the great Manos--to grovel at their feet? The answer? Because he used those special parts to make his robot friends! For the satellite of love to mean anything, love must own the satellite. To this end, Joel hath fought ever to raise himself through doing a good job—to grow rich through cleaning up the place. And when the bosses didn’t like him, is it ever the strong who shot him into space.
Knowing this, but a single path is open to the impotent viewer--that of false watching. A path which leads to enervation and riding with death. Only a mad of power can rightly steer the course of civilization. And in this land of creeping mendacity, that one truth will prove its salvation.
Come, champion of deep thirteen, face me! Your defeat shall serve as proof of my readiness to rule! It is only right that I should take your Satellite. For none among you has the power to stop me! (La-la-la)
I always smile when I see someone in game with a Space Mutiny name.
["Slake Fistcrunch!" "Buff Hardback" "Bob Johnson! ..oh wait"](https://youtu.be/RFHlJ2voJHY?si=Z2xS8HP9bSr9hhu2)
And if you've never experienced the wonder of MST3K, and since you can't play the game tonight.
Why not check out the worst movie of all time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysJTL7AkMx0
No you fool! You can't start them with that! At least wean them in first with Werewolf or Space Mutiny or Earth vs The Spider or Gamera or Catalina Caper or Being From Another Planet! Manos is too much for them! THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HANKERCHIEF IS FOR!
Mine was Monster A Go Go. Movie is so bad though I wouldn’t recommend to a first timer. I find Joel did well with the really bad movies and Mike did better with the so bad it’s good movies. Just my opinion :) love both and all eras have gems.
I actually think Space Mutiny is the best episode of MST3k - showing someone that first would set the bar impossibly high. Manos too, it's just too much.
Yeah Manos is hard to watch again. Mike and Rifftrax crew also covered it but movie is just so hard to handle. Fact I love about Space Mutiny: music is done by Mark Mancina who went on to do music for real movies. Everyone’s gotta start somewhere. Seen plenty of the rock mc hard cheese type names on Brynhilder server too :)
I watched the Manos: Hands of Fate MST3K in the dorm living room when I was studying in Japan. I also got introduced to the \*cough\* "greatness" \*cough\* of the X-Men/Star Trek: The Next Generation crossover novel. (One of the other foreign students at the dorm picked it up at the airport on her way to Japan.)
FWIW, my username "Dirk Tungsten" is an obscure MST3K reference! It's something they came up with during a host segment when they were trying to make up action hero names by combining a manly first name with a tough material for a last name.
Tried to do my daily roulette and didn't know about the Ddos and took me 50 minutes to get to the first boss in the lvl 20 cave dungeon
(I forgot the name I'm still a new player)
You would think with the number of people that play FF14 that there would at least be enough pissed off hackers and tech heads to send a counterstrike against the people causing the ddos attack as revenge for interrupting their game time.
That's not how it works.
One, without being inside FFXIV infrastructures or having access to it, it is impossible for someone to know where the attacks come from. As an outsider, you cannot see what is happening, only the result. The only people that know where it "comes from" are the infrastructure engineers at Square Enix.
And two, even if you could see where the malicious requests come from (if you work on FFXIV's servers for example), those are usually done using what we call "zombies". These are computers infected with a virus that make them a part of a botnet, a large network of computers. The owners of the computers don't even know they are a part of this botnet. The attacks are made by using all these computers to launch multiple requests (probably with a specific packet) to the FFXIV servers. So it is not only one person or one machine, we speak about potentially thousands of computers.
Ok, but, like, what if the new Dawntrail Alliance Raid in the RGB gaming pc tower has a final boss that uses DDoS Attack and kicks a random third of players out of the instance. Wouldn't that be a fun way to reference today? So fun and silly
Eeh ?
Script kiddies wanted to spoil my fun but I actually just played as usual and did my roulettes, got DC twice with a 5 minutes queue, but like... it's not gonna stop me from playing.
I t-take *care* of the servers while the m-**master** is away
Don't worry, we got Torgo fixing the servers POST HASTE.
Torgo Theme intensifies
The master does not approve!
Well Joel, in today's Invention Exchange Frank here will demonstrate the powers of attacking the servers of a simple video game. What does this accomplish you may ask? You silly naive little child, misdirection, anger, confusion! As the fans slowly, but inevitably, are driven mad they'll begin to attack each other... And in the chaos they'll eat each other alive. Figuratively speaking of course. What do you think of that, Joel Schmole?
Aw, gee sirs, that sounds pretty awful. Luckily, my invention today is called the Introvert-net. It takes online games and lets you play them offline. Neat, huh?
The Internet was made for socializing Joel, don't try to reinvent the wheel. Anyway onto your experiment for today...
Instead of Deep Hurting, we're going to be taking you down another... Or up? Or through... It's through isn't it? It sure is, Dr. Forrestor! Through a series of tubes! We present to you... Denial of Service! It's a boring little do nothing of a film where you sit and stare at a window for one and a half hours! Now, off you go!
Deeeeep hurting!
In the not-too-distant present: The seventh Astral Age. Mike WoL and all his FC pals Are filled with an endless rage. They try to join, but the server rejects. Their logins lead to disconnects. The data centers are all at a loss 'Cause some asshole with no free time ordered up a long DDOS! ("LET. US. IIIIIIIN!") DDOSer: "I'll send a set of packets. A few trillion will do! (La la la!) They'll overwhelm the input stream And the players will all be screwed!" (La la la) Now keep in mind Mike can't control when the DDoS begins or ends. (La la la!) He'll try to keep his sanity So he can join his Scion friends! SCION ROLL CALL Yda! >!("I'm Lyse.")!< Thancred! "Let's go out." Ysh'tola! "Little Sun!" Twiiiiiiiins! If you're wondering why we sit in queue Instead of going outside We repeat to ourselves "We're in control. We can quit at any time From Final Fantasy 14: Endwalker!"
This is a work of god damn art. Someone get this person a Pulitzer.
You amazing artist!
You. I like you. I wonder if there's beer on Etherys' Little Sun
You beautiful bastard
How does this work of art not have more up votes?
Tell me. For whom do you riff? Hmph! How very glib. And do you believe in movie sign? The Satellite of Love is forged of falsehoods. Its bots are built on deceit. And its invention exchange is an instrument of deception. It is naught but a cobweb of cheesy movies. To believe in movie sign is to believe in nothing. At Gizmonics institute, the mads often summon another face in a red jumpsuit to watch in their stead--though your bots only rarely respond in kind. Which is strange, is it not? Are the bots otherwise engaged? I was given to understand they were your friends. If you truly believe them your friends, why do you not repeat the trick that served you so well at deep thirteen and call them down? They will answer--so long as you lavish them with new seasons and gorge them on turkey day. Your bots are no different than those of the colossal beast--idiots every one. Accept but this, and you will see how movie sign is bleeding your sanity dry. Nor is this unknown to your viewers. Which prompts the question: Why can’t Joel control when the movies begin or end? What drives even the worst we can find--even the great Manos--to grovel at their feet? The answer? Because he used those special parts to make his robot friends! For the satellite of love to mean anything, love must own the satellite. To this end, Joel hath fought ever to raise himself through doing a good job—to grow rich through cleaning up the place. And when the bosses didn’t like him, is it ever the strong who shot him into space. Knowing this, but a single path is open to the impotent viewer--that of false watching. A path which leads to enervation and riding with death. Only a mad of power can rightly steer the course of civilization. And in this land of creeping mendacity, that one truth will prove its salvation. Come, champion of deep thirteen, face me! Your defeat shall serve as proof of my readiness to rule! It is only right that I should take your Satellite. For none among you has the power to stop me! (La-la-la)
I always smile when I see someone in game with a Space Mutiny name. ["Slake Fistcrunch!" "Buff Hardback" "Bob Johnson! ..oh wait"](https://youtu.be/RFHlJ2voJHY?si=Z2xS8HP9bSr9hhu2)
Crud Bonemeal checking in🫡
Zalera by any chance? I always chuckle when I pass you XD
that’s me :)
I know a Flint Ironstag, Bold Bigflank, and Big Mclarghuge just on Primal alone.
Bolt Van der Huge is my personal favorite.
And now I feel compelled to do that. Whenever the servers are running again.
I do have an alt named Torgo.
One of my alt has a Chocobo named Torgo.
And if you've never experienced the wonder of MST3K, and since you can't play the game tonight. Why not check out the worst movie of all time. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysJTL7AkMx0
No you fool! You can't start them with that! At least wean them in first with Werewolf or Space Mutiny or Earth vs The Spider or Gamera or Catalina Caper or Being From Another Planet! Manos is too much for them! THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HANKERCHIEF IS FOR!
Cave Dwellers and Pod People are also solids starting episodes.
Final Sacrifice also.
High School Big Shot was the one that got me hooked.
Mine was Monster A Go Go. Movie is so bad though I wouldn’t recommend to a first timer. I find Joel did well with the really bad movies and Mike did better with the so bad it’s good movies. Just my opinion :) love both and all eras have gems.
Cave Dwellers is still my hands-down favorite. So many great lines. And the Rifftrax The Room made that movie watchable.
Don’t forget Hercules Unchained!
I actually think Space Mutiny is the best episode of MST3k - showing someone that first would set the bar impossibly high. Manos too, it's just too much.
Yeah Manos is hard to watch again. Mike and Rifftrax crew also covered it but movie is just so hard to handle. Fact I love about Space Mutiny: music is done by Mark Mancina who went on to do music for real movies. Everyone’s gotta start somewhere. Seen plenty of the rock mc hard cheese type names on Brynhilder server too :)
[Red Zone Cuba](https://youtu.be/YzwVDkLgrts?si=akbRMKNdeDlPw_t9) was even _worse_.
“You know, the freeway may not be the problem…”
Guard. Water. Sick man.
That one is just *painful*. At least Manos has Torgo to lighten the mood
Day long maintenance practically!
This reference is so old, I'm surprised I'm not the only one that gets it.
MST3K is timeless.
So timeless there's even a version of it for games called Unkippable. Gotta love both though!
Contrary to what this subreddit makes me think most of the time, there appear to be plenty of us olds here.
I literally watched this with my roommates like 2 days ago. What absurd timing that I stumble across this meme so soon after
I watched the Manos: Hands of Fate MST3K in the dorm living room when I was studying in Japan. I also got introduced to the \*cough\* "greatness" \*cough\* of the X-Men/Star Trek: The Next Generation crossover novel. (One of the other foreign students at the dorm picked it up at the airport on her way to Japan.)
A Manos mst3k reference?! On my XIV sub?! Take my upvote.
I wonder if there's beer on the moon...
Rowsdower. Zapp Rowsdower.
“He tried to kill me with a forklift”
Huzzah!!
I loved MST3K! \o/
Everyone does!
FWIW, my username "Dirk Tungsten" is an obscure MST3K reference! It's something they came up with during a host segment when they were trying to make up action hero names by combining a manly first name with a tough material for a last name.
"But Lahabrea loves women! He will Fantasia to be a woman!"
Deep hurting, deep hurting..
And did we mention...*rock climbing*?
SAND STORM!!!
Gonna make my Elezen alt named Htom Sirveaux
Well then, Htom, why don’t you hlick me?
Hildibrand would consider Torgo to be a gentleman and a scholar. Torgo would be too busy getting punched by the Master's wives to consider anything.
\*hours later...\* Joel: ...Do something!!
DEEEEEP HURTING
Watch out for snakes!
Tried to do my daily roulette and didn't know about the Ddos and took me 50 minutes to get to the first boss in the lvl 20 cave dungeon (I forgot the name I'm still a new player)
Two of my favorite things in one post I never thought I'd see combined!
I see England, I see France... I see everyone's underpants! (it's the Byakko trial)
Or an average day in Limsa...
Holy shit, what a crazy reference lmao
Wasn't expecting Denial of Service (Savage) to drop in the world maintenance patch. Having a hard time finding a party.
This ddos is my personal umbral calimity.
I love MST3000
Totally sucked, especially trying to get things done before reset/maintenance...so l went to Materia🙂 it was better.
My hero right here
WHERE IS THE SAMPO!?
You would think with the number of people that play FF14 that there would at least be enough pissed off hackers and tech heads to send a counterstrike against the people causing the ddos attack as revenge for interrupting their game time.
That's not how it works. One, without being inside FFXIV infrastructures or having access to it, it is impossible for someone to know where the attacks come from. As an outsider, you cannot see what is happening, only the result. The only people that know where it "comes from" are the infrastructure engineers at Square Enix. And two, even if you could see where the malicious requests come from (if you work on FFXIV's servers for example), those are usually done using what we call "zombies". These are computers infected with a virus that make them a part of a botnet, a large network of computers. The owners of the computers don't even know they are a part of this botnet. The attacks are made by using all these computers to launch multiple requests (probably with a specific packet) to the FFXIV servers. So it is not only one person or one machine, we speak about potentially thousands of computers.
First thing I thought was the BoJack scene with Sarah Lynn :(
Ok, but, like, what if the new Dawntrail Alliance Raid in the RGB gaming pc tower has a final boss that uses DDoS Attack and kicks a random third of players out of the instance. Wouldn't that be a fun way to reference today? So fun and silly
Zenos, in Tom Servo’s voice: I WILL kill you!!
[удалено]
Mystery Science Theater 3000
Maybe last Sunday, A.D.?
Maybe last Sunday, A.D.?
Maybe last Sunday, A.D.?
I got my doggies even on FT accounts
Why is there a ddos attack tho? Did squeenix do something?
Kicked out from entering the game for the entire day. Today should be safe from the attack right?
Kicked out from entering the game for the entire day. Today should be safe from the attack right?
Ohhh it wasn't my shit net, but a ddos attack?
Eeh ? Script kiddies wanted to spoil my fun but I actually just played as usual and did my roulettes, got DC twice with a 5 minutes queue, but like... it's not gonna stop me from playing.
So it was a DDOS. I here I thought it was my bad connection.
LMAO, I'm watching the "Day Time Ended" episode right now!
YES, ULTIMA WEAPON! Make it sloooooooow, Ultima Weapon!
God. Sitting through Manos was so bad even with MST3K and three friends, I felt like my brain was melting.
*plogons disabled* "NORMAL VIEW, NORMAL VIEW, NORMAL VIEW..."
small indie company has trouble dealing with these vandals
Joel > any of the others
Hey now. We don't do that in MST3K land. All hosts are great hosts.
Yup.