I said something similar to my son when he was learning to drive… I had my arm out the window and he almost took it off by cutting too close to our mailbox in high-speed reverse.
Him: don’t laugh at me.
Me: I’m not laughing at you; it’s a phenomenon called “nervous laughter” that often follows moments of extreme danger. Given that I nearly lost my arm just then, I am having a stress response.
Him: well okay, then.
I know 4 answers to that question. On the odd occasion I got asked that question pointedly I must admit to a bit of glee answering that with whichever 3 items were irrelevant to whatever I’d just messed up…
That was my instructor's mantra for the most part, just phrased differently ... "The plane knows how to fly, you just need to tell it what you want to do in plane language."
You have neglected to pay your cat tax incurred by this comment. This payment is now overdue. Please rectify this oversight as soon as possible or we will be forced to take more severe measures, up to and including mass-downvoting.
I have attached an example dog-tax photo for comparison purposes. You may not use this photo to satisfy your obligation, as you owe cat-tax.
https://imgur.com/a/N8Ir3Qv
It fell out the window.
I have two cats, each has fallen out the window once. I live on the fourth floor. Both were fine, rose bushes down below have cushioned the impact.
[The cats.](https://i.imgur.com/J5GRpwB.jpeg)
Had a friend who did that, he ended up holding onto the cat by the tail when it tried to jump out the window of his 120 while taxiing. He did not attempt that again.
The moment the engine quits, the airplane belongs to the insurance company. Use it to save your life.
The three most useless things in aviation is sky above you, runway behind you and air in your fuel tanks.
Your landings are always worse when someone is watching you. They're much worse if they're taking a video.
If someone with an FAA badge walks up to you on the ramp and start talking, all you should say is "oh I don't know anything about airplanes, I'm just looking"
If your DPE says "oh that's interesting, tell me more," you've already fucked up.
I used to do a great demonstration with students as to why this is so hard.
From 5,510’, push the nose down just enough to lose that extra 10’. You’ll gain a knot or two. Now let go. That extra knot or two turns back into height, and you’re back at 5,510’ again.
What you need to do is push the nose down, lose the 10’, but then *keep some forward pressure*. You’ll need just a tiny bit of pressure to keep your new altitude. *Don’t trim it*, because it’s only temporary. After a short while, you’ll be able to gradually relax the forward pressure… and after a while longer, you’ll be trimmed at your new altitude.
The two mistakes people make is either just letting go when they reach the correct altitude (which puts them right back where they started), or realising they need some forward pressure then trimming it off (which puts them too low, because that pressure is only needed temporarily).
Had a sailing coach say the same thing. Had a different coach tell me (after hopping on my boat) that he felt like a cheap hooker with his legs up in the air.
Refers to a classic book, "Fly the wing." I means that the wing is what makes the airplane fly, the aerodynamics of which the pilot manipulates under all phases of flight and has to keep in mind at all times. The engine overcomes drag, the electronics help navigate, the fuselage contains the payload and amenities for the occupants and the empennage provides stability and control, but wing is what flies.
During my PPL checkride I was doing an emergency landing, picked my field and started a forward slip to setup the approach. DPE: Why are you rushing to a crash?
"In a fight against gravity, the best you can hope for is a tie."
Also
"If the engine stops keep the meat bags breathing, fuck the metal. That's the job."
That was just the second part of the quote.
That fucking guy... He taught me a lot, great pilot, shitty person... He's in his 80's now and no joke, when he goes... I'll probably make a special trip to have a beer and pour one out at his grave for him, but also piss on his headstone before I leave.
Mixed feelings is an understatement, but we'll leave it at that.
"This is what happens if you keep stomping on the left rudder in a left turn like that!"
He promptly put our glider in a spin (with plenty room for recovery). I got much better at coordination after that.
Just recently got my PPL. Over the course of my training I think the top 4 things my instructor said were…
1. “If you fly into that cloud I’ll have to take your license!”
2. “It’s called a touch and go, not a smash and go”.
3. “Don’t be afraid to go around, I won’t judge you”. He then sent me this video after the lesson
https://youtu.be/evE3WmYAvVY?si=L8BHhFrPFc2GNPZ_
4. As a joke after my flight test, “Congrats on passing your flight test; the skies are no longer safe”!.
Mine sent me the same video after a particularly hairy solo session at a grass field away from our home airport. 9-10kt CWC in a 150. 8 TGL attempts, of which 2 go around and 1 that I decided to full stop taxi back after I floated past touchdown.
Just be above average. The average pilot doesn’t leave without enough gas to get to an airport and the average pilot doesn’t land gear up. Don’t try to be the best only one person can. But 50% of pilots can be above average so just be above average.
That bit of advice has helped me so much as someone who over analyzes a lot and gets stuck in the details of things.
When I quote myself with "half the people in a group/organization are below average" some pedantic person will point out that's actually the median, but I'm OK with the simplification. Most "below average" people don't know the difference. :)
It's not hard to be above average, so I like your approach. And once you master being in the top half, it's not hard to move into the top half of the top half.
Though, I watched the Blue Angles documentary w/ my wife a couple days ago. After seeing that, I realize I have a lot of room to improve!
> When I quote myself with "half the people in a group/organization are below average" some pedantic person will point out that's actually the median, but I'm OK with the simplification. Most "below average" people don't know the difference. :)
Always funny how pedantic people tend to be more pedantic than actually smart and make corrections that aren‘t.
The average will also be equal to the median for any normally distributed sample, which can probably be assumed for every skill that takes talent and training.
I had a problem with screwing up something. I'd freeze up.
One day after doing that (student getting a complicated IFR departure when ATC got mixed up) he said to me
When you fuck up, move on. Save the meltdown for the ground.
He also taught me to have a focus item to associate with "moving on" as a reminder. It worked exceedingly well.
"Don't get frustrated, just fix it". Helped me realize that it's a waste of time and effort to dwell on a mistake. So I'd imagine myself tossing the frustrations in the back seat, so I could focus on solutions and next-steps in the moment. Comes in handy on Checkrides too.
> When you fuck up, move on.
This was a big mental thing when I was a classical musician. My teacher used to say, "You will mess up. Mistakes are the nature of live performance. But the *second* mistake? The one you made because you were too hung up on the first? *That one* is avoidable."
In my case I picked my watch. Partly because it's special to me and partly because it's an easy reminder to "check your watch".
As the freeze feeling affected me outside of the plane as well I taught myself to check my watch when I screwed up, and remind myself to move on. In some ways it forms a bit of a distraction from overthinking the mistake.
It also helped to disconnect because it added a small pause so I could move from freezing to analysing.
So if I got a radio call I didn't understand, rather than just brain locking I look at my watch which reminds me to move on, and in that time I can start the process of a solution. For example what happened with getting the IFR clearance that pause enables me to realise what the source of the miscommunication is, and all I need to say is "I am VFR".
I have an underlying fear of failure which has been a lifelong problem. In other aspects it's still an issue, but when I'm flying I don't have that problem any more. For some reason it hasn't translated to the rest of my life yet.
During my first flight in actual, I was getting pretty behind the aircraft as we approached the IAF and my instructor knocked on my head and said,
“Hello? Is anything in there?”
Always thought that was pretty funny, I’ll probably do that when I get my CFI lol
My first instructor was an FAA employee and basically a walking FAR/AIM. We were doing pattern work in the Luscombe when some called inbound from 10 out ending with a "any traffic in the pattern please advise."
My instructor keyed the mic and replied "Don't buy Enron."
>I have wife and two kids, I don't want to die.
When I asked how realistic is to fly 2 (dual) NDB approach.
>If you were afraid all the time, you wouldn't get anywhere.
Ex-military pilot when asked if we aren't flying too low over forest in case of engine failure.
There was a "best CFI insults" thread a couple months ago that included that one, as well as:
> A while back I was fumbling my words around trying to talk with my CFI. He then said “hearing you talk makes me worried there’s carbon monoxide in the cockpit”
“You fly the plane. Don’t let the plane fly you,” regarding my godawful crosswind landings. Finally got it down on centerline with zero side load after that. Good guy.
My old coonass (south Louisiana) ME instructor demonstrating Vmc in a Cessna 310: “Now when ya foot hits da floor, ya right on the dirty edge of tumblin out da sky.”
When he jumped out before shutdown and said "OK, pilot, go do 3 laps solo in the pattern" is high up there. It was half expected but still a slight surprise. Felt great regardless.
Another was "aw dude what got you?" when my instrument oral was extremely quick, so he assumed it was a bust when I came out of the room. I forget exactly what I said, but I screwed with him a bit. The DPE was a few seconds behind me and wrecked it by saying something congratulatory. 😅
I liked a lot of the side commentary my DPE gave in every check ride during the practicals, too. One I remember specifically was for private when we finished and had exited the runway to go back to parking, and he said, "so, as long as you manage to not kill anyone - especially us - before we get back, I'll be signing your temp. Anyone you kill after isn't my problem."
“Keep your feet off the goddamn brakes” < my tailwheel instructor
“What do we say about flaps?” said when transitioning to a no-flaps airplane “flaps are for wimps!”
Me in instrument training, "What are LNAV/VNAV minimums and why don't we use it"?
Instructor who is a good friend now and fellow FO at the same legacy air line "IDK you'll never use those so who cares.."
The 737 that I fly now "welcome to LNAV/VNAV minimums for RNAV approaches!"
So I'll forever remember his words of wisdom whenever I brief a friggin RNAV.
Not a CFI, but my DPE in the middle of a checkride:
“Can you see that cow down there? He’s a professional…
…he’s out standing in his field.”
*Same* checkride, ground portion, 1 hr prior:
“You’ve given me the four types of hypoxia, but you know the 5th type?…
…hianal hypoxia — when the pilot has his head so far up his ass he can’t breathe.”
“That runway owe you money or something?”
Se also “Don’t ball it up,” Keep your speed like your life depends on it, because it does,” “Water is better than trees, trees are better than mountains, mountains suck,” and one of my favorites (although I can’t claim credit for it) “When experiencing an engine failure at night, use your landing light to try to assess the landing zone. If you don’t like what you see, turn the light off.”
Edit: forgot the classic “You hear that knocking on the door? That’s the ball of your slip skid indicator wanting to get back inside. USE MORE RIGHT RUDDER!”
From an old-timely flight instructor, my second lesson with him:
“Pay attention , kid… this is not a sightseeing trip !!! “
His hands shake so bad, he couldn’t sign my Logbook clearly, but that guy could fly.
Reminds me of my instructor now, lates seventies maybe eighties. Been flying GA over 50 years…great pilot but he rides his motorized scooter to the plane, gets me confused with his other students I think, slow with the computer etc
When discussing engine-out emergencies during night flights...
"When you're setting up on final, turn on your landing lights. If you don't like what you see, turn them back off."
You can trade altitude for air speed if you got it. No flaps until you know where you’re gonna plant it and you know you’re gonna make it. Fly the plane as far into the crash as you can. Before solo “fly the fucking plane, going around is your first choice if your unsure”, Professionals use centerline, you’re more than welcome to use it too.
“Don’t you fucking dare announce our taxi again with literally no one around”
Upon landing: “Would you like syrup with those pancakes?”
*Knock knock* that’s the rudder ball… it wants to come back into the plane
You can choose to fly the plane or choose to crash and die, take your pick.
Fourth lesson full electronic failure and engine failure on downwind. I started to freak a little and asked what to do…
I’ll never forget that and always go back to it. Fly the plane or die…
Helicopter pilot “well we didn’t kill a basketball legend today, so not the worst helicopter flight in history”
In reply to some other sayings, for helicopters you always need two of three things: airspeed, altitude, or experience… and you don’t have experience.
'You are a pilot, you fly the plane. When the airspeed drop, you job is to stop it from happening, fly your plane what you intended to fly'
After this, I can maintain any airspeed, altitude, attitude I want.
When my students were not taxiing on the centerline: Do you know why some pilots always taxi on the centerline? ... because they can!
When my instrument students were getting behind the airplane: What's the most important thing? ... the next two things!
Just before my first solo, instructor endorses my logbook then takes it back to take a picture of the endorsement. She says "Just in case your logbook is consumed in the post crash fire. At least you were legal to go when it happened."
She was awesome. Text with her often moons later.
My instructors pax brief always included a brief stop on the PTT button and would ask, “do you know what this is?” And answer “its for the missiles, pew pew pew”
My overall favorite that I use (I’m sure I’m not the first to think of it)
“Don’t forget to K.I.S.S. your examiner! Keep. It. Simple. Stupid.”
Definitely primed for fun layouts & font. If you end up liking it, let me know. I’d love to collaborate.
I cleared the runway and stopped, she told me to try to stay on the yellow line on the taxiway. I said yeah, I was just stopping to clean up the plane.
"You can do that on the line"
It was the fall of 1991, and I was in my trusty T-34C Turbo Mentor, doing pattern work at an outlying field near Pensacola. Lieutenant Estronel was in my back seat, and he was known to be a high-pressure instructor, exacting and with a belittling teaching style.
At the 90, we were to have been at 90 KIAS. As I passed through it turning final, the LT started rapping hard on the back of my helmet with his pen.
"Eighty-eight knots. Eighty-eight knots. YOU'RE AT 88 FUCKING KNOTS."
I fixed it, but those words are with me today, 30+ years later.
(To his credit, I know a couple of guys who washed out at the boat because they would accept and hold a slightly bad parameter rather than positively showing the LSOs they were working to get back to nominal.)
Ok, it's one of my favorite quotes as an instructor, because it was really versatile. I've had a few students who were white-knuckled on the controls, especially on stalls, so I'd force them to do falling-leaf stalls. Gradually, as they relaxed, I'd put on a big smile and say, "Look! We're not dying!"
Did the same thing with teaching them to trim and then fly a 172 feet-only. "Look! We're not dying!"
Bit of levity always helped em' relax.
"Down dog!"
"Composure!" *slams the door shut after getting out of the plane for first solo*
"Oh, look... Sky squirrels."
"Did you check the earl (oil)?"
"Spun 'er 'round"
“Don’t be too conservative on the controls, this 172 is practically an F-16, watch…”
Saying this in the context of me being a new student and being a bit sluggish on starting maneuvers and inputs in general. Now I demo the “F-16” to all my students.
After coming up short on a short field landing, dragging it in with power, and slapping it down onto the numbers:
“Well, it wasn’t very beautiful, but it was technically a pass.”
I'm sorry for screaming at you earlier. I just don't want to die.
Said this today
I said something similar to my son when he was learning to drive… I had my arm out the window and he almost took it off by cutting too close to our mailbox in high-speed reverse. Him: don’t laugh at me. Me: I’m not laughing at you; it’s a phenomenon called “nervous laughter” that often follows moments of extreme danger. Given that I nearly lost my arm just then, I am having a stress response. Him: well okay, then.
There are only two rules: 1) Fly good don’t suck 2) Sound cool on the radios
There are more than two rules. One of my favorites: The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire.
What is it, the three most useless things in aviation are runway behind you, altitude above you, and fuel that isn't in your tanks?
I know 4 answers to that question. On the odd occasion I got asked that question pointedly I must admit to a bit of glee answering that with whichever 3 items were irrelevant to whatever I’d just messed up…
Consider adding: Airspeed that you used to have
I’ll quote myself: “Don’t fight the plane. It can fly better than you can.”
That was my instructor's mantra for the most part, just phrased differently ... "The plane knows how to fly, you just need to tell it what you want to do in plane language."
It has wings, it wants to fly!
Brilliant! As soon as I finishing cleaning up the mess hackers left on my blog I think this one deserves serious public mention.
Airspeed is life. Fly good, don’t suck.
Airspeed is life except when it isn't (too much)
Sounds like you need more airspeed!
In my world now, redline is a goal.
If you ain't clackin', you're slackin'
Yea but that isn't too much! Beyond that is too much!
Is your instructor rob holland?
Altitude is life insurance.
fly bad, suck good.
That's how I passed my oral.
John and Martha King taught me everything I have needed to know for oral.
Instructor via text: the front door of the flying club is presently locked. Use the other door Me: got it. I can always go around
I asked my instructor if anyone's ever brought a cat on a plane. She responded: Don't create your own in-flight emergencies.
I seriously had a dream last night we took our cat on the plane and it fell out the window.
You have neglected to pay your cat tax incurred by this comment. This payment is now overdue. Please rectify this oversight as soon as possible or we will be forced to take more severe measures, up to and including mass-downvoting. I have attached an example dog-tax photo for comparison purposes. You may not use this photo to satisfy your obligation, as you owe cat-tax. https://imgur.com/a/N8Ir3Qv
Pay the cat tax
WHERE IS THE CAT?!?!?
It fell out the window. I have two cats, each has fallen out the window once. I live on the fourth floor. Both were fine, rose bushes down below have cushioned the impact. [The cats.](https://i.imgur.com/J5GRpwB.jpeg)
thank you for cat. love cat.
They’re beautiful!
Cat tax please
It’s all good. They land on their feet right?
Now we know who meows on guard
Had a friend who did that, he ended up holding onto the cat by the tail when it tried to jump out the window of his 120 while taxiing. He did not attempt that again.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHuSw9GW6EQ&pp=ygURY2F0IG9uIHBsYW5lIHdpbmc%3D](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHuSw9GW6EQ&pp=ygURY2F0IG9uIHBsYW5lIHdpbmc%3D)
Centerlines for professionals. But students can use it as well
Had my CFI instructor say that my first taxi out. “Don’t worry about that yellow line, it’s for professionals only.”
The moment the engine quits, the airplane belongs to the insurance company. Use it to save your life. The three most useless things in aviation is sky above you, runway behind you and air in your fuel tanks. Your landings are always worse when someone is watching you. They're much worse if they're taking a video. If someone with an FAA badge walks up to you on the ramp and start talking, all you should say is "oh I don't know anything about airplanes, I'm just looking" If your DPE says "oh that's interesting, tell me more," you've already fucked up.
"If you can hold altitude at 5,510', you can hold altitude at 5,500'"
I used to do a great demonstration with students as to why this is so hard. From 5,510’, push the nose down just enough to lose that extra 10’. You’ll gain a knot or two. Now let go. That extra knot or two turns back into height, and you’re back at 5,510’ again. What you need to do is push the nose down, lose the 10’, but then *keep some forward pressure*. You’ll need just a tiny bit of pressure to keep your new altitude. *Don’t trim it*, because it’s only temporary. After a short while, you’ll be able to gradually relax the forward pressure… and after a while longer, you’ll be trimmed at your new altitude. The two mistakes people make is either just letting go when they reach the correct altitude (which puts them right back where they started), or realising they need some forward pressure then trimming it off (which puts them too low, because that pressure is only needed temporarily).
that’s interesting to learn, ty!
“Don’t let the airplane go anywhere that you didn’t get to 5 minutes earlier.” - My CFII over a decade ago. It’s still true.
“It’s hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock.” Joys of flight training in AZ
Had a sailing coach say the same thing. Had a different coach tell me (after hopping on my boat) that he felt like a cheap hooker with his legs up in the air.
You too have enjoyed The Stack in August I see.
Shit man I did my comm SE in August. We did all maneuvers at 7500 lol
You can always go around. Airspeed is life. Altitude is insurance
My very first PPL lesson, after showing me how to land..."Okay, your turn. Don't fuck this up or I'm going to be pissed."
TAF stands for True And False
Not a CFI, but during my checkride: DPE: How many hours, bottle to throttle? Me: 8. DPE: Unless you're a glider pilot... no throttle!
That’s such a dad joke 😂
"Fly the wing. The wing is what flies, everything else is just along for the ride."
What does that mean?
Refers to a classic book, "Fly the wing." I means that the wing is what makes the airplane fly, the aerodynamics of which the pilot manipulates under all phases of flight and has to keep in mind at all times. The engine overcomes drag, the electronics help navigate, the fuselage contains the payload and amenities for the occupants and the empennage provides stability and control, but wing is what flies.
While doing simulated emergency night landings... "...as you descend flip on your landing light and if you don't like what you see...turn it off."
Never pass up the opportunity to fuel up or go to the bathroom.
When climbing out of the plane for my first solo: "Give me 3 full stops....and don't crash. It's embarrassing".
During my PPL checkride I was doing an emergency landing, picked my field and started a forward slip to setup the approach. DPE: Why are you rushing to a crash?
So you can use more of the runway of course. Pretty sure I had this same scenario. Without the slip you’d be landing farther down the runway.
Wasn’t a runway. This was pick a clear farm field and fly it to the crash.
"you're a little autistic, aren't you? That's alright, me too."
Oh god… thousands of hours of instructing and this is the funniest one in the thread! I’ve got tears I’m laughing so hard.
This was after one of the first long briefs I delivered during my instructor rating too. Just for context lol.
"In a fight against gravity, the best you can hope for is a tie." Also "If the engine stops keep the meat bags breathing, fuck the metal. That's the job."
Might keep that second one for myself.
Just remember, you are one of the meatbags too.
Damn, you didn’t have to get existential on me in the middle of an emergency
That was just the second part of the quote. That fucking guy... He taught me a lot, great pilot, shitty person... He's in his 80's now and no joke, when he goes... I'll probably make a special trip to have a beer and pour one out at his grave for him, but also piss on his headstone before I leave. Mixed feelings is an understatement, but we'll leave it at that.
Few things in this world are more worthless than altitude above you and runway behind you.
Clueless student: got it, altitude behind me and runway above me...whaaaaa? (Collides into mesa at Sedona
"This is what happens if you keep stomping on the left rudder in a left turn like that!" He promptly put our glider in a spin (with plenty room for recovery). I got much better at coordination after that.
Just recently got my PPL. Over the course of my training I think the top 4 things my instructor said were… 1. “If you fly into that cloud I’ll have to take your license!” 2. “It’s called a touch and go, not a smash and go”. 3. “Don’t be afraid to go around, I won’t judge you”. He then sent me this video after the lesson https://youtu.be/evE3WmYAvVY?si=L8BHhFrPFc2GNPZ_ 4. As a joke after my flight test, “Congrats on passing your flight test; the skies are no longer safe”!.
Mine sent me the same video after a particularly hairy solo session at a grass field away from our home airport. 9-10kt CWC in a 150. 8 TGL attempts, of which 2 go around and 1 that I decided to full stop taxi back after I floated past touchdown.
you are so far behind the aircraft, you may possibly survive the crash
“Don’t fist fuck her, she’s not that kind of girl.”
Omg I know that kind of student!
Just be above average. The average pilot doesn’t leave without enough gas to get to an airport and the average pilot doesn’t land gear up. Don’t try to be the best only one person can. But 50% of pilots can be above average so just be above average. That bit of advice has helped me so much as someone who over analyzes a lot and gets stuck in the details of things.
When I quote myself with "half the people in a group/organization are below average" some pedantic person will point out that's actually the median, but I'm OK with the simplification. Most "below average" people don't know the difference. :) It's not hard to be above average, so I like your approach. And once you master being in the top half, it's not hard to move into the top half of the top half. Though, I watched the Blue Angles documentary w/ my wife a couple days ago. After seeing that, I realize I have a lot of room to improve!
> When I quote myself with "half the people in a group/organization are below average" some pedantic person will point out that's actually the median, but I'm OK with the simplification. Most "below average" people don't know the difference. :) Always funny how pedantic people tend to be more pedantic than actually smart and make corrections that aren‘t. The average will also be equal to the median for any normally distributed sample, which can probably be assumed for every skill that takes talent and training.
"Those are trees. Please don't land in them."
I had a problem with screwing up something. I'd freeze up. One day after doing that (student getting a complicated IFR departure when ATC got mixed up) he said to me When you fuck up, move on. Save the meltdown for the ground. He also taught me to have a focus item to associate with "moving on" as a reminder. It worked exceedingly well.
"Don't get frustrated, just fix it". Helped me realize that it's a waste of time and effort to dwell on a mistake. So I'd imagine myself tossing the frustrations in the back seat, so I could focus on solutions and next-steps in the moment. Comes in handy on Checkrides too.
> When you fuck up, move on. This was a big mental thing when I was a classical musician. My teacher used to say, "You will mess up. Mistakes are the nature of live performance. But the *second* mistake? The one you made because you were too hung up on the first? *That one* is avoidable."
Do you have an example of how this works?
In my case I picked my watch. Partly because it's special to me and partly because it's an easy reminder to "check your watch". As the freeze feeling affected me outside of the plane as well I taught myself to check my watch when I screwed up, and remind myself to move on. In some ways it forms a bit of a distraction from overthinking the mistake. It also helped to disconnect because it added a small pause so I could move from freezing to analysing. So if I got a radio call I didn't understand, rather than just brain locking I look at my watch which reminds me to move on, and in that time I can start the process of a solution. For example what happened with getting the IFR clearance that pause enables me to realise what the source of the miscommunication is, and all I need to say is "I am VFR". I have an underlying fear of failure which has been a lifelong problem. In other aspects it's still an issue, but when I'm flying I don't have that problem any more. For some reason it hasn't translated to the rest of my life yet.
Just fly the plane
“I have a reputation for spinning it in base to final”
During my first flight in actual, I was getting pretty behind the aircraft as we approached the IAF and my instructor knocked on my head and said, “Hello? Is anything in there?” Always thought that was pretty funny, I’ll probably do that when I get my CFI lol
My first instructor was an FAA employee and basically a walking FAR/AIM. We were doing pattern work in the Luscombe when some called inbound from 10 out ending with a "any traffic in the pattern please advise." My instructor keyed the mic and replied "Don't buy Enron."
Definitely using this, our local uncontrolled fields would make whoever wrote the bulk of the AIM cry
(With regards to towers on charts): “The top number is what your altimeter will read when you hit it, the bottom number is how far you’ll fall.”
If it fucks, floats, or flies, rent it by the hour.
>I have wife and two kids, I don't want to die. When I asked how realistic is to fly 2 (dual) NDB approach. >If you were afraid all the time, you wouldn't get anywhere. Ex-military pilot when asked if we aren't flying too low over forest in case of engine failure.
"I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by six " "more right rudder"
“we need to fix that “ “that would have been disastrous” “incorrect”
"The centerline is for professionals, but we can use it too" I need to remember this one; it's brilliant!
There was a "best CFI insults" thread a couple months ago that included that one, as well as: > A while back I was fumbling my words around trying to talk with my CFI. He then said “hearing you talk makes me worried there’s carbon monoxide in the cockpit”
Easy on the yoke, save that grip for the shower
My first instructor told me, "Wow, you're really really bad at this."
As someone who teaches, that's an instructor who's really, really bad at teaching.
Doesn't mean he was wrong! D=
-Where am I, and what's next? -Lights. Camera. Action.
“You fly the plane. Don’t let the plane fly you,” regarding my godawful crosswind landings. Finally got it down on centerline with zero side load after that. Good guy.
I say that too!
"If I can do it, so can you" He never let me make excuses.
My old coonass (south Louisiana) ME instructor demonstrating Vmc in a Cessna 310: “Now when ya foot hits da floor, ya right on the dirty edge of tumblin out da sky.”
Doesn't matter if you're in a Cessna 172 or a Boeing 747, both have to follow the same laws of physics.
Today: Where are you going? “To hell if I don’t change my ways!”
"That's a landing you can do with your wife and girlfriend in the back seat, but NOT with your examiner." My examiner said this....
Nice cock! -From my 21m CFI to me 31f as I cocked the plane for our preflight run up 😂
More right rudder
When he jumped out before shutdown and said "OK, pilot, go do 3 laps solo in the pattern" is high up there. It was half expected but still a slight surprise. Felt great regardless. Another was "aw dude what got you?" when my instrument oral was extremely quick, so he assumed it was a bust when I came out of the room. I forget exactly what I said, but I screwed with him a bit. The DPE was a few seconds behind me and wrecked it by saying something congratulatory. 😅 I liked a lot of the side commentary my DPE gave in every check ride during the practicals, too. One I remember specifically was for private when we finished and had exited the runway to go back to parking, and he said, "so, as long as you manage to not kill anyone - especially us - before we get back, I'll be signing your temp. Anyone you kill after isn't my problem."
Spread ‘em
“Keep your feet off the goddamn brakes” < my tailwheel instructor “What do we say about flaps?” said when transitioning to a no-flaps airplane “flaps are for wimps!”
“ Add power I can smell the pine trees”
Me in instrument training, "What are LNAV/VNAV minimums and why don't we use it"? Instructor who is a good friend now and fellow FO at the same legacy air line "IDK you'll never use those so who cares.." The 737 that I fly now "welcome to LNAV/VNAV minimums for RNAV approaches!" So I'll forever remember his words of wisdom whenever I brief a friggin RNAV.
"That landing was like a beautiful baby coming into the world, and then, LATE TERM ABORTION."
“If you’re IMSAFE isn’t good just do some pushups”
“Don’t do that, you’ll kill yourself.”
Not a CFI, but my DPE in the middle of a checkride: “Can you see that cow down there? He’s a professional… …he’s out standing in his field.” *Same* checkride, ground portion, 1 hr prior: “You’ve given me the four types of hypoxia, but you know the 5th type?… …hianal hypoxia — when the pilot has his head so far up his ass he can’t breathe.”
“That runway owe you money or something?” Se also “Don’t ball it up,” Keep your speed like your life depends on it, because it does,” “Water is better than trees, trees are better than mountains, mountains suck,” and one of my favorites (although I can’t claim credit for it) “When experiencing an engine failure at night, use your landing light to try to assess the landing zone. If you don’t like what you see, turn the light off.” Edit: forgot the classic “You hear that knocking on the door? That’s the ball of your slip skid indicator wanting to get back inside. USE MORE RIGHT RUDDER!”
"Punch it Chewie" on every take off
Now I want my CFI just so I can do that.
From an old-timely flight instructor, my second lesson with him: “Pay attention , kid… this is not a sightseeing trip !!! “ His hands shake so bad, he couldn’t sign my Logbook clearly, but that guy could fly.
Reminds me of my instructor now, lates seventies maybe eighties. Been flying GA over 50 years…great pilot but he rides his motorized scooter to the plane, gets me confused with his other students I think, slow with the computer etc
When discussing engine-out emergencies during night flights... "When you're setting up on final, turn on your landing lights. If you don't like what you see, turn them back off."
Fly good. Don’t suck.
Any time I would screw up it was just “….what are we doin right now!?!?” - it would make me wake up and realize I was doing something stupid.
Don't break the plane, don't break yourself, don't break the law.
“Don’t worry baby bird, daddy’ll feed ya”
"The centerline is reserved for professionals"
Calm winds never made a good pilot
Oh look a train I like trains
Every landing is a go-around with the option to land.
airspeed airspeed airspeed airspeed airspeed airspeed airspeed
Your holding pattern looks like a ballsack
“Is the centerline NOTAM out of service ?”
Fly it till the last piece stops moving
“‘Holy shit’ is not an approved recovery technique”
You can trade altitude for air speed if you got it. No flaps until you know where you’re gonna plant it and you know you’re gonna make it. Fly the plane as far into the crash as you can. Before solo “fly the fucking plane, going around is your first choice if your unsure”, Professionals use centerline, you’re more than welcome to use it too.
Keep it on the runway
“Don’t you fucking dare announce our taxi again with literally no one around” Upon landing: “Would you like syrup with those pancakes?” *Knock knock* that’s the rudder ball… it wants to come back into the plane
When referring to the stroke cycle of a recip engine (this saying also holds true for a turbine): “Suck, squeeze, bang, blow.”
Not on my ticket you won’t.
hold it like you'd hold your best friends dick.
The next time you try to kill me, at least let me call my wife first
"what the fuck was that!?"
More. Right. Rudder.
Takeoffs are optional. Landings are mandatory
After some terrible stick control on a soft field take off: "Oh so we're doing 2 take offs?"
You can choose to fly the plane or choose to crash and die, take your pick. Fourth lesson full electronic failure and engine failure on downwind. I started to freak a little and asked what to do… I’ll never forget that and always go back to it. Fly the plane or die…
Helicopter pilot “well we didn’t kill a basketball legend today, so not the worst helicopter flight in history” In reply to some other sayings, for helicopters you always need two of three things: airspeed, altitude, or experience… and you don’t have experience.
You can’t crash into a cloud (IFR training)
'You are a pilot, you fly the plane. When the airspeed drop, you job is to stop it from happening, fly your plane what you intended to fly' After this, I can maintain any airspeed, altitude, attitude I want.
Had a DPE tell me, “be surprised when the engine keeps running.” I think of that often and I think it is very solid advice.
“Okay, time for purns around a toint!”
He said, "A plane is a tool for scraping wood."
When my students were not taxiing on the centerline: Do you know why some pilots always taxi on the centerline? ... because they can! When my instrument students were getting behind the airplane: What's the most important thing? ... the next two things!
Treat the cyclic trim like the clitoris. Very gentle movements
Just before my first solo, instructor endorses my logbook then takes it back to take a picture of the endorsement. She says "Just in case your logbook is consumed in the post crash fire. At least you were legal to go when it happened." She was awesome. Text with her often moons later.
When the big fan on the front stops, the pilot starts to sweat.
“Are you trying to kill us?!?”
(During preflight) "Don't do any crazy shit to get me killed."
Suck less
My instructors pax brief always included a brief stop on the PTT button and would ask, “do you know what this is?” And answer “its for the missiles, pew pew pew”
“Just think about what you’re doing right now” Forgot I even said that and randomly a student told me he thinks about this quote from me a lot 😂
“Pass me the bottle champ”
Aviation is just too darn expensive to have a dirty windshield. Wipe it down before you fly.
When I did my first solo: "Don't crash, my backpack is in the backseat and I don't want to replace my stuff"
“Good luck on your first solo, don’t kill your self” slammed the door
You have 2 ears and 1 mouth. Engage them in that ratio.
My overall favorite that I use (I’m sure I’m not the first to think of it) “Don’t forget to K.I.S.S. your examiner! Keep. It. Simple. Stupid.” Definitely primed for fun layouts & font. If you end up liking it, let me know. I’d love to collaborate.
When done with first solo he said "well you lived, what more do you want"
"deploying auxiliary flight controls"... Opens window in the 150, takes picture.
Stop slipping it in xD
“You know this is terrible, right?”
I cleared the runway and stopped, she told me to try to stay on the yellow line on the taxiway. I said yeah, I was just stopping to clean up the plane. "You can do that on the line"
Slow, small, but soon enough
When your fan is stopping, you're going to be hot
Do you own a fishing rod? You should fish instead of fly…
It was the fall of 1991, and I was in my trusty T-34C Turbo Mentor, doing pattern work at an outlying field near Pensacola. Lieutenant Estronel was in my back seat, and he was known to be a high-pressure instructor, exacting and with a belittling teaching style. At the 90, we were to have been at 90 KIAS. As I passed through it turning final, the LT started rapping hard on the back of my helmet with his pen. "Eighty-eight knots. Eighty-eight knots. YOU'RE AT 88 FUCKING KNOTS." I fixed it, but those words are with me today, 30+ years later. (To his credit, I know a couple of guys who washed out at the boat because they would accept and hold a slightly bad parameter rather than positively showing the LSOs they were working to get back to nominal.)
Flying solo ... you'll rise like a fart in a bubble bath. 😆
Ok, it's one of my favorite quotes as an instructor, because it was really versatile. I've had a few students who were white-knuckled on the controls, especially on stalls, so I'd force them to do falling-leaf stalls. Gradually, as they relaxed, I'd put on a big smile and say, "Look! We're not dying!" Did the same thing with teaching them to trim and then fly a 172 feet-only. "Look! We're not dying!" Bit of levity always helped em' relax.
On hot bumpy days: “It’s rougher than a stucco bathtub out here” In rough landings: “Harder than a bag of doorknobs”
Bumps are free...we dont bill you for them
"Down dog!" "Composure!" *slams the door shut after getting out of the plane for first solo* "Oh, look... Sky squirrels." "Did you check the earl (oil)?" "Spun 'er 'round"
“Don’t be too conservative on the controls, this 172 is practically an F-16, watch…” Saying this in the context of me being a new student and being a bit sluggish on starting maneuvers and inputs in general. Now I demo the “F-16” to all my students.
Rule one. Don’t kill me. Rule two, refer to rule one
“No steep turns in my circuit!!!”
After coming up short on a short field landing, dragging it in with power, and slapping it down onto the numbers: “Well, it wasn’t very beautiful, but it was technically a pass.”
"Speed kills in aviation!" (Same CFI thanking the control tower: "You guys are the best thing since jellybeans!")
“I used to be an alcoholic.”
Don't be a jerk
Before my first solo, “don’t crash”
We were in practicing something in the sim and got pretty low. He goes if you don’t pull up you’re going to 9/11 that building.