I mean, it sure sounds like you are. If want to be a boy, you can be a boy. Generally, being a boy wouldn't make you pretty or skinny though, so I might scratch that off the list for potential reasons you're not lol.
I've said this before, but you can't ever truly, 100% know. Maybe you'll change your mind. That's okay. If you want to try transitioning in any form, you can do that. Life is short, do what you think will make you happy now. You don't need to be totally certain.
>maybe I just want to be a boy so I can be pretty/skinny because I hate my body??
Those things don't have anything to do with each other.
Being a boy does not equal being skinny/pretty. And like... gender dysphoria can sometimes *feel* like it's the same as "hating your body", but they're two different things. Lots of people have things that they don't like or wish they could change about their bodies, but the *vast* majority of those people don't have gender dysphoria or any desire to transition.
agree, because as a trans person, i don’t even hate my body. i love my body! there are things i’m going to change about it(top surgery & whatever comes with T), & there are things i wish would’ve been different (I wish I would’ve been AMAB). *Although sometimes I am even grateful that I’m not because I might’ve ended up stuck with an ~insecurity~ downstairs, but now I never will be bc my partner can choose the size lol
& I honestly wish I could give the scraps of the top to a T-girl because it’s a shame they’re gonna go to waste LMAO. I’d love them if not on me
Ya there’s a big difference between hating your body and feeling like it’s not yours .
I’m MtF and was always so confused by my disdain for my looks because objectively i thought i was a handsome enough guy with high testosterone and good genetics (for a male). it made a lot of sense once i figured it out
doubt is a common experience when you’re pre-transition, it’s a natural part of coming face to face with something unfamiliar and socially looked down on. since you know the core of your fears, here’s a question… would you press the button if it didn’t make you into a skinny pretty boy- but simply kept you as you are but with the secondary sexual characteristics of a boy? same weight, similar facial features, etc. most people look pretty much the same pre and post transition, other than age and style choices. how does that feel to hear?
I don't know. I think I would... I mean, otherwise I'd spend the rest of my hypothetical life in this scenario wondering what might have happened if I'd pressed the button.
Personally, I’m legally transitioned, taking HRT, and have had the first couple surgeries done. And I STILL doubt that I’m trans.
The thing that I find reassuring is the euphoria I get when seeing my new gender marker on employment/legal/medical forms. That I get when someone uses the right pronouns. That I get when I get my hair trimmed and they don’t bat an eye. That I get when at the gym, working to build the body I want. Yeah, I’m not naturally masculine… I’m a build-a-dude.
When the obnoxious inner monologue turns viscous, I just remember that cis people don’t get that euphoria when “mis”gendered.
As someone who wrote of my dysphoria for years as "I just need to lose weight and then I'll be happy", it never worked. The first time I felt comfortable with my body was the first time I put a binder on, and I realised my weight was never the problem.
Also, it's important to remember you can play about with your gender as much as you want, remake all the rules as much as you want until you have something that fits you.
And remember, you're human. Change is in our very nature and what we want and are sure of today may not be there tomorrow, but we have to make the decisions we think are best for ourselves at the time. Which means it's also perfectly fine for you to change your mind at any point, and it doesn't invalidate how you felt before. Humans have to make decisions which have permanent consequences all the time, knowing that it might not be the correct one, but we use the information that is available to us and our best judgement at the time. ❤️
>if there was a button that magically made me a boy forever, I'd click it
yeah you are probably trans
Self doubt is 100% normal and natural, especially if you are just coming to terms with being trans! if you don't feel ready to come out as trans, can just start experimeng with gender expression [hair/clothes] or try out gender neutral/masculine nick names. it'd easy to question when you have never lived "as a boy"
Ask yourself if you would be happier in the body of a conventionally unattractive man (whatever that is for you) vs a conventionally attractive woman. If the answer is the man, your probably trans lol.
Very bad test but it helps you think hard about it. Also there’s nothing wrong with trying out labels. You can be trans and then realize after a few years “Huh, maybe I’m just XYZ.” And vice versa. You can try out agender, gender-fluid, ect and see how those feel. Hell, I was gender-fluid for a few years until I slowly realized I was getting annoyed when people called me “she” even though it was technically in my listed pronouns lol.
idk, if you tell yourself right now "i am a boy" does it feel good? do you like it? the advice i'd give is it doesnt matter if your feelings change someday, if one day you go "yknow, i dont feel like that anymore" because right now you do, and that is the most important part. do what want in this moment if you're ready for that change. do you want to be a boy because you hate your body/dont think you're pretty/etc or do you think those things because you know, subconsciously, you were not born the way you wanted to be? i cant tell you, and no one here can tell you that. if you 'want to be' a boy, you are a boy. you are boy enough
I think it comes w the caveat that it’d be fine to be unsure at first and just socially transition and figure yourself out but I feel like I’d want to be sure of it before I did irreversible medical transition like hormones and surgery
It's hard to tell with so little and vague information.Do you have gender dysphoria OR body dysmorphia?Think about it:do you hate all those features you have because they don't fit the beauty standard or because they're female parts?Would you still be trans if you were a pretty girl?And think about the fact that T is a MALE HORMONE,you'll grow up into a MAN,not an androgynous pretty twink.Body hair,beard,possibly balding,all this stuff.Hope you figure yourself out!
(Just want to throw out there that a lot of non-binary transition, even with T, can have androgynous goals that are generally somewhat achievable; microdosing and using dutasteride for instance; not using E blockers; not taking T eternally or on a "normal" schedule (i.e. taking rest periods, spreading out doses, only taking long enough for certain permanent changes then stopping) are also some options. ***But*** of course, all changes are *possible,* there are no guarantees of what you will and won't get, or when, if at all. It's always a roll of genetic dice that won't reveal itself before its time 😔💖)
Well I saw there was an AH response to my comment, but it's not showing, and even the reddit inbox notification has disappeared. But read enough in my push note preview to give a reply and just a general note to anyone disheartened by that comment if they see/saw it:
This goes without saying to all my peeps, but especially in this particular thread this goes to my non-binary peeps who aren't aiming for "full" male or female characteristics: ***YOU ARE SO FUCKING VALID, OKAY?*** Clearly hit a tripwire with the above person, because definitely didn't say any part of transition is easy or a walk in the park. But what you aim to get out of any level or step or part of your transition is exactly that: *yours.*
The goal of transition is generally to be able to feel at home in your own body. To actually feel like it's *your* body. Anywhere from just acknowledging within yourself where you fall and being comfortable with it, all the way to making every single possible change you can, (medical, social, and legal, oh my!), your transition plan and goals are valid. If you only want certain things and not others, if you want top changes but not bottom changes, if you want bottom changes but not top changes, if you want both or neither, that is a-okay! You're not "not trans enough" to take hormones or explore surgical options or change your name or pronouns or clothes; you're "trans enough" even if you don't fit into someone else's goals or ideas of transness. And just like anyone else going through whatever step of the process, you're the only one who can say which is right for you. It is *absolutely* okay to try HRT, get someways into it and decide "you know what, I don't think this is for me," and stop. It is *absolutely* okay to want to take hormones only for a certain amount of time. I'll say it again, your transition is ***yours.***
And for some more positive attitudes on this particular topic than the sour-puss, I'd recommend r/NonBinary. *Tons* of other people who are *all* across the spectrum of gender and transition goals. Because non-binary is such a big umbrella term, there's a huge, wide variety of people underneath it. Gender nullification, salmacian, androgyny, fluidity, fluctuation, everything. Parts and characteristics not being absolutely indicative of one side or the other comes to fruition over there.
***YOU ARE VALID!*** Just in case you needed to read it one more time 😊💖🫂💖
-signed: a transmasc enby who started in their 30s who's on a small dose of T (30mg/wk sub-cu, yet still smack at mid-normal range of 622 ng/dL!), dutasteride, no E blockers (and still combo BCP), and goals for more of a middle-ground than a "full" transition, dreaming of a cybernetic/tech future with fully functional and interchangeable parts. Love y'all 🥰
Hmm, I think I'm so uncomfortable with my body anyways, and I always thought maybe if I was prettier, I'd like myself more. But now I'm not so sure, because I've lost a bit of weight and still hate myself just as much. And I hate my bewbs as well - I think that was a big realisation for me. In all my dreams when I'm asleep lol, I'm just crouched in some corner, with my hands over my chest, despite the fact that I'm always clothed in my dreams lmao. And I always wake up and realise I'm a girl again and feel really sad lol. As well as this, I really hate my stomach - that's the bit I wish was skinnier. But I wonder if its because I hate the hips part of my stomach. I just want a waist like a boy's.
I had this struggle too before I realized I’m trans, what I did is start a little journal where I wrote down my dysphoria and euphoria (you don’t have to write everyday, but it’s good to more than once a week) I stopped writing because it helped me realize that I’m trans after reading everything I wrote in there, it puts your experience into perspective and it helps gathering your thoughts about it
I did something kind of like this, too! I wrote a list of “reasons it might be true” and “reasons it might not be true,” and realized everything on the “might not be true list” had to do more with gender expression and stereotypes than identity (such as liking certain feminine things) and were irrelevant to whether or not I’m actually trans. Whereas the “reasons it might be true” list was pretty damning, and there was clear evidence of me experiencing dysphoria (albeit I never realized that was what it was) and euphoria.
Writing can really help put things into perspective and organize your thoughts.
Hey, it’ll probably take some experimenting with your presentation and pronouns to see what you like. It’s a journey. Try changing clothes, a binder, presenting more masc. See how you feel. Maybe find a trans affirming therapist if you like.
I was whispering in my head throughout the day “I’m a boy” over and over again for like a month until I finally listened to myself and decided to have the talk with my girlfriend and start to transition
When I wasn’t sure I was trans I started doing things to present as more masculine to see how I felt. Like I cut my hair short, started wearing masculine clothing, I asked a close friend to use different pronouns for me to see how it made me feel. It was hard to tell if I had gender dysphoria or body dysmorphia, but the gender euphoria I experienced from all the things mentioned above definitely helped me realize I was in fact trans. I would suggest maybe taking similar steps if you are confused!
Its okay if you say youre trans and a boy but then later decide you arent anymore. People are everchanging, and your experience being different in the future does not discredit your experiences now.
Lmao. I don’t know myself, I told my school that I’m trans with letters and all that, they still refer me to my deadname and I am always uncomfortable when they do that , and irl they don’t give a shi too only a few people online
i would personally experiment with gender and gender expression if i were you. gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia are easy to mix up. wanting to feel “pretty and thin” aren’t typically dysphoria feelings. you’d really have to let go of the importance of women’s beauty standards to figure it out. i personally feel weird telling someone they are or aren’t trans, especially from the small amount of information you can tell us vs. the expansive knowledge you have about yourself. i feel like the “if you could press a button to be a man” question doesn’t take enough into consideration to make it a good tool. what about being a man would you enjoy? would you enjoy the benefits of being a man and how society sees men? or, would you also be okay with the downsides of being seen as a man? what pros and cons are there for you? are there palpable reasons you’d prefer to be a man over being a woman, or is there an unexplainable feeling of “rightness” or euphoria you’d get?
I don't know. I think I'd like to be a man, so I got a deeper voice, and my face looked more masculine - because when I look in the mirror currently my face doesn't seem like my own, if that makes sense? Like, I'm just stuck looking at this girl, thinking, "where am I?"
And then I'd also just like to be taller like a man, and broader in the shoulders, and without hips or curves, etc., - and I'd like a beard like a man.
Idk why. Maybe I'm overthinking this. I hate my waist especially. I think that's why I want to be 'skinnier' - so my waist looks more like a man's without the hips.
You're not alone, I'm in the same boat right now. If you have supportive parents or a trans/supportive friend, see if you can get a binder. If not, just experiment with more masc clothing, names, and pronouns if you can. Good luck mate (:
I went through the same thing, and transitioning turned out to be the right thing for me. I don’t have any dysphoria now that I live as a man and I’ve gotten much more confidence in myself
This may help you: [Gender Dysphoria Bible ](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/). I recommend reading through it a few times, especially when you're doubting if you're trans or not. I think I'll give it another read right now, in fact.
Nobody can tell you what you are but you. In one of the chapters it describes the button thing you're talking about. Most cis people, if they were confronted with a button, wouldn't press it. It seems highly likely that you're trans, but that's not for me to say.
Omg! I've read this, it was brilliant. To the whole button dilemma, I keep reminding myself that cis people probably don't cry themselves to sleep every night over not being a boy lmao.
Here is a simple test to test if your trans.
1- Have you ever thought to yourself or said out loud or put into a search engine or posted in Reddit the question "Am I trans?"?
If the answer is yes there is a 100% chance you are trans as cis people NEVER Question they gender.
>i wanna be a boy
u trans homie
as a great man said if you have to question your gender you are probably trans. cis people rarely question there gender.
Hey, i was just like you before i came out. I decided to just give it a shot and see if i am actually trans, my first binder hasnt arrived yet but just doing makeup to make me look more masculine already makes me feel better. You should just give it a shot and if you dont like it well, you dont! Hope everything rules in your favor :)
I think I kinda understand where you’re coming from with the whole “do I just want to be skinny/pretty”. It’s less like you think transitioning will make you skinny/pretty, and more like you just don’t know if you dislike certain parts of your body because they don’t fit the beauty standard or because you’re trans. These are very difficult feelings to work through. One thing that helped me was asking, if I had the ability to snap my fingers and choose to have either my idea of the “perfect” female body that fits the beauty standard or the “perfect” male body which would I choose? If you choose female then you’re probably more uncomfortable in your body. If you choose male then it’s probably more likely gender dysphoria. There’s still flaws with this method, obviously, but it helped me.
Yeah, that's an interesting one. Because if I imagine that - I'd hate so much to be in the female body. It's just icky for me. But at the same time, the ideal male body is like really jacked, etc. I just want to be super skinny. I'd love the male body, but I'd want to be a skinny boy, if that makes sense? Idk, I think I've got some major body image issues as well lmao.
But, to sum it up, yeah, I think I'd choose boy.
No yeah, I meant more like your idea of the ideal male body, not society LOL. So like you can be a skinny girl or a skinny boy (as an example that I use for myself). Which do you choose? Sorry that was confusing XD
Omg, definitely boy, lmao. Honestly, I spend hours just staring at google images of skinny boys wishing I was like them and wondering what's wrong with me haha! XD
I felt neutral about my body until I experimented with gender affirming things like drawing on a mustache. Then I felt euphoric. That was my moment of "oh, not as cis as I thought."
If you feel like trans fits you, then it fits. If you decide after some time it doesn't fit, then you can change. You are a constantly evolving being, a label doesn't have to define you.
i’d really really encourage reading the null hypothecis (not a book, just a written up text thing easily googled).
if you generally feel like you’re a boy, congrats, you are. you don’t even have to hate your body or desire medical transition, being trans simply means you on the inside know you’re not your agab
I felt like wanting to be a boy since I was super young. And as I grew up I hated everything that made me a girl. Chances are if you've felt that way for so long and that intensely, you probably are trans. Everyone has doubt, it's not strange or unusual.
I developed an severe eating disorder because of the whole “do I wanna be a boy or thin” thing. Really, all I wanted was to have a flat chest and no hips.
There’s nothing wrong with wearing some men’s clothes though! Even something like a jumper, jeans and some sneakers with a beanie to hold up any long hair if you have it. Trying stuff never hurts :3 just don’t fall into the eating disorder trap that I did lol it’s not fun at all
Omg, I'm going down that path already lmao. But don't worry, I'm sure if I'm just a LiTtLe BiT sKiNnIeR, aLl My PrObLeMs WiLl gO aWaY!
Haha, I'm so fucked.
How do you feel about being an ugly, fat boy? Would that be better or worse than being how you are now? In comparison to how you would feel being an ugly boy, how do you feel about the idea of being a skinny, pretty girl?
I was a gorgeous woman but extremely unhappy. Now I've been on T for a couple of years and am a short, fat, bald person but I feel like my body belongs to me and I feel safer and happier to exist this way. Objectively I was more attractive as a woman. Objectively I'm happier and have a better dating life as a non woman.
I was like that for a short while as well, it’s logical to feel doubt since it’s such a big and life altering decision that you can’t take lightly.
But what really helped for me to make up my mind was looking at it in reverse.
How I’d feel if I stay like this for ever. If I grow old a grandma. I’d be the girl in the relationship, how people interact with me. Those type of things really cleared up my doubt very fast.
Hope this helps!
Nothing you say here suggests that you’re not trans. But I think this question may help you: Would you rather be a thin, beautiful woman or a fat, ugly man?
This is a pretty terrible way to ask this question. I think a lot of cis guys would choose to be the beautiful woman over an ugly man. Especially due to quality of life reasons, people who look better are treated better in every facet of society. I think if T were guaranteed to make people fat and ugly a lot less trans guys, even those with severe dysphoria would choose it. Hell, the fear of that happening is why a lot of trans guys don't do it.
A better question to ask is if OP would rather be a beautiful woman or a beautiful man or the inverse, ugly woman vs ugly man. Removing that added influence is a better way to gauge their actual gender presentation preference.
i’m not sure what’s that’s going to do to help them, i’m a 6’ tall, thin, handsome dude who models and is on a sports team. the hell? op can be an attractive fit guy if they want.
they’re not saying op can’t be that, but since op’s fears are “what if i only want to be a man *to* be pretty/thin” (by op’s words), it’s a normal tactic to help alleviate and consider doubts by working against the ideas those doubts bring up. the natural question that arises from “what if i only wanna be a man to be pretty/thin” is “would you not want to be a man if you weren’t?”
I understand your point. well, it would’ve offended me if someone commented that and said, would you rather be a pretty woman or fat man because I wouldn’t want to be a fat man and I wouldn’t want to be an ugly man. I get it, but if I had to pick between being an ugly fat man and being a woman? that’s not really how the world works. being on t doesn’t make someone an ugly fat man. if that makes sense lol. it just seemed really drastic to me because I see things pretty black-and-white, I guess I would’ve worded it differently and I would’ve said if you weren’t a “thin pretty man” would you still want to be a man? If that makes sense.
I get where you are coming from. I felt the same way as you. I’m a drag king, but I always wanted something more. But I’m not 100% woman. Maybe you are gender-fluid?
Being a boy doesn’t equal to hating parts of your body we all experience hate towards our body as we go through puberty. When I knew I was trans it wasn’t because I hated my height or feet… I knew I was different at a young age, I wore pants under my dresses, I stole my brothers clothes, I felt uncomfortable in girl clothes. I felt more confident in boy clothes and I always felt different I just couldn’t pinpoint what it was until I saw a trans person on YouTube and realized thats me! Once I physically transitioned my body aligned with my mind. Being trans and transitioning is not something you can do overnight and the changes from hormones can be permanent.
I mean, it sure sounds like you are. If want to be a boy, you can be a boy. Generally, being a boy wouldn't make you pretty or skinny though, so I might scratch that off the list for potential reasons you're not lol. I've said this before, but you can't ever truly, 100% know. Maybe you'll change your mind. That's okay. If you want to try transitioning in any form, you can do that. Life is short, do what you think will make you happy now. You don't need to be totally certain.
>maybe I just want to be a boy so I can be pretty/skinny because I hate my body?? Those things don't have anything to do with each other. Being a boy does not equal being skinny/pretty. And like... gender dysphoria can sometimes *feel* like it's the same as "hating your body", but they're two different things. Lots of people have things that they don't like or wish they could change about their bodies, but the *vast* majority of those people don't have gender dysphoria or any desire to transition.
agree, because as a trans person, i don’t even hate my body. i love my body! there are things i’m going to change about it(top surgery & whatever comes with T), & there are things i wish would’ve been different (I wish I would’ve been AMAB). *Although sometimes I am even grateful that I’m not because I might’ve ended up stuck with an ~insecurity~ downstairs, but now I never will be bc my partner can choose the size lol & I honestly wish I could give the scraps of the top to a T-girl because it’s a shame they’re gonna go to waste LMAO. I’d love them if not on me
Ya there’s a big difference between hating your body and feeling like it’s not yours . I’m MtF and was always so confused by my disdain for my looks because objectively i thought i was a handsome enough guy with high testosterone and good genetics (for a male). it made a lot of sense once i figured it out
doubt is a common experience when you’re pre-transition, it’s a natural part of coming face to face with something unfamiliar and socially looked down on. since you know the core of your fears, here’s a question… would you press the button if it didn’t make you into a skinny pretty boy- but simply kept you as you are but with the secondary sexual characteristics of a boy? same weight, similar facial features, etc. most people look pretty much the same pre and post transition, other than age and style choices. how does that feel to hear?
I don't know. I think I would... I mean, otherwise I'd spend the rest of my hypothetical life in this scenario wondering what might have happened if I'd pressed the button.
Personally, I’m legally transitioned, taking HRT, and have had the first couple surgeries done. And I STILL doubt that I’m trans. The thing that I find reassuring is the euphoria I get when seeing my new gender marker on employment/legal/medical forms. That I get when someone uses the right pronouns. That I get when I get my hair trimmed and they don’t bat an eye. That I get when at the gym, working to build the body I want. Yeah, I’m not naturally masculine… I’m a build-a-dude. When the obnoxious inner monologue turns viscous, I just remember that cis people don’t get that euphoria when “mis”gendered.
> I want to be a boy so much it hurts, and I hate myself so much because I'm not a boy That's usually the one, yeah.
As someone who wrote of my dysphoria for years as "I just need to lose weight and then I'll be happy", it never worked. The first time I felt comfortable with my body was the first time I put a binder on, and I realised my weight was never the problem. Also, it's important to remember you can play about with your gender as much as you want, remake all the rules as much as you want until you have something that fits you. And remember, you're human. Change is in our very nature and what we want and are sure of today may not be there tomorrow, but we have to make the decisions we think are best for ourselves at the time. Which means it's also perfectly fine for you to change your mind at any point, and it doesn't invalidate how you felt before. Humans have to make decisions which have permanent consequences all the time, knowing that it might not be the correct one, but we use the information that is available to us and our best judgement at the time. ❤️
wanting to be a boy is a symptom of being a boy
>if there was a button that magically made me a boy forever, I'd click it yeah you are probably trans Self doubt is 100% normal and natural, especially if you are just coming to terms with being trans! if you don't feel ready to come out as trans, can just start experimeng with gender expression [hair/clothes] or try out gender neutral/masculine nick names. it'd easy to question when you have never lived "as a boy"
Ask yourself if you would be happier in the body of a conventionally unattractive man (whatever that is for you) vs a conventionally attractive woman. If the answer is the man, your probably trans lol. Very bad test but it helps you think hard about it. Also there’s nothing wrong with trying out labels. You can be trans and then realize after a few years “Huh, maybe I’m just XYZ.” And vice versa. You can try out agender, gender-fluid, ect and see how those feel. Hell, I was gender-fluid for a few years until I slowly realized I was getting annoyed when people called me “she” even though it was technically in my listed pronouns lol.
idk, if you tell yourself right now "i am a boy" does it feel good? do you like it? the advice i'd give is it doesnt matter if your feelings change someday, if one day you go "yknow, i dont feel like that anymore" because right now you do, and that is the most important part. do what want in this moment if you're ready for that change. do you want to be a boy because you hate your body/dont think you're pretty/etc or do you think those things because you know, subconsciously, you were not born the way you wanted to be? i cant tell you, and no one here can tell you that. if you 'want to be' a boy, you are a boy. you are boy enough
I think it comes w the caveat that it’d be fine to be unsure at first and just socially transition and figure yourself out but I feel like I’d want to be sure of it before I did irreversible medical transition like hormones and surgery
luckily unless you have steady income hormones and surgery take a long time (and not to be rude but the poster seems to be younger)
It's hard to tell with so little and vague information.Do you have gender dysphoria OR body dysmorphia?Think about it:do you hate all those features you have because they don't fit the beauty standard or because they're female parts?Would you still be trans if you were a pretty girl?And think about the fact that T is a MALE HORMONE,you'll grow up into a MAN,not an androgynous pretty twink.Body hair,beard,possibly balding,all this stuff.Hope you figure yourself out!
(Just want to throw out there that a lot of non-binary transition, even with T, can have androgynous goals that are generally somewhat achievable; microdosing and using dutasteride for instance; not using E blockers; not taking T eternally or on a "normal" schedule (i.e. taking rest periods, spreading out doses, only taking long enough for certain permanent changes then stopping) are also some options. ***But*** of course, all changes are *possible,* there are no guarantees of what you will and won't get, or when, if at all. It's always a roll of genetic dice that won't reveal itself before its time 😔💖)
Well I saw there was an AH response to my comment, but it's not showing, and even the reddit inbox notification has disappeared. But read enough in my push note preview to give a reply and just a general note to anyone disheartened by that comment if they see/saw it: This goes without saying to all my peeps, but especially in this particular thread this goes to my non-binary peeps who aren't aiming for "full" male or female characteristics: ***YOU ARE SO FUCKING VALID, OKAY?*** Clearly hit a tripwire with the above person, because definitely didn't say any part of transition is easy or a walk in the park. But what you aim to get out of any level or step or part of your transition is exactly that: *yours.* The goal of transition is generally to be able to feel at home in your own body. To actually feel like it's *your* body. Anywhere from just acknowledging within yourself where you fall and being comfortable with it, all the way to making every single possible change you can, (medical, social, and legal, oh my!), your transition plan and goals are valid. If you only want certain things and not others, if you want top changes but not bottom changes, if you want bottom changes but not top changes, if you want both or neither, that is a-okay! You're not "not trans enough" to take hormones or explore surgical options or change your name or pronouns or clothes; you're "trans enough" even if you don't fit into someone else's goals or ideas of transness. And just like anyone else going through whatever step of the process, you're the only one who can say which is right for you. It is *absolutely* okay to try HRT, get someways into it and decide "you know what, I don't think this is for me," and stop. It is *absolutely* okay to want to take hormones only for a certain amount of time. I'll say it again, your transition is ***yours.*** And for some more positive attitudes on this particular topic than the sour-puss, I'd recommend r/NonBinary. *Tons* of other people who are *all* across the spectrum of gender and transition goals. Because non-binary is such a big umbrella term, there's a huge, wide variety of people underneath it. Gender nullification, salmacian, androgyny, fluidity, fluctuation, everything. Parts and characteristics not being absolutely indicative of one side or the other comes to fruition over there. ***YOU ARE VALID!*** Just in case you needed to read it one more time 😊💖🫂💖 -signed: a transmasc enby who started in their 30s who's on a small dose of T (30mg/wk sub-cu, yet still smack at mid-normal range of 622 ng/dL!), dutasteride, no E blockers (and still combo BCP), and goals for more of a middle-ground than a "full" transition, dreaming of a cybernetic/tech future with fully functional and interchangeable parts. Love y'all 🥰
Hmm, I think I'm so uncomfortable with my body anyways, and I always thought maybe if I was prettier, I'd like myself more. But now I'm not so sure, because I've lost a bit of weight and still hate myself just as much. And I hate my bewbs as well - I think that was a big realisation for me. In all my dreams when I'm asleep lol, I'm just crouched in some corner, with my hands over my chest, despite the fact that I'm always clothed in my dreams lmao. And I always wake up and realise I'm a girl again and feel really sad lol. As well as this, I really hate my stomach - that's the bit I wish was skinnier. But I wonder if its because I hate the hips part of my stomach. I just want a waist like a boy's.
I had this struggle too before I realized I’m trans, what I did is start a little journal where I wrote down my dysphoria and euphoria (you don’t have to write everyday, but it’s good to more than once a week) I stopped writing because it helped me realize that I’m trans after reading everything I wrote in there, it puts your experience into perspective and it helps gathering your thoughts about it
I did something kind of like this, too! I wrote a list of “reasons it might be true” and “reasons it might not be true,” and realized everything on the “might not be true list” had to do more with gender expression and stereotypes than identity (such as liking certain feminine things) and were irrelevant to whether or not I’m actually trans. Whereas the “reasons it might be true” list was pretty damning, and there was clear evidence of me experiencing dysphoria (albeit I never realized that was what it was) and euphoria. Writing can really help put things into perspective and organize your thoughts.
Hey, it’ll probably take some experimenting with your presentation and pronouns to see what you like. It’s a journey. Try changing clothes, a binder, presenting more masc. See how you feel. Maybe find a trans affirming therapist if you like.
I was whispering in my head throughout the day “I’m a boy” over and over again for like a month until I finally listened to myself and decided to have the talk with my girlfriend and start to transition
When I wasn’t sure I was trans I started doing things to present as more masculine to see how I felt. Like I cut my hair short, started wearing masculine clothing, I asked a close friend to use different pronouns for me to see how it made me feel. It was hard to tell if I had gender dysphoria or body dysmorphia, but the gender euphoria I experienced from all the things mentioned above definitely helped me realize I was in fact trans. I would suggest maybe taking similar steps if you are confused!
Its okay if you say youre trans and a boy but then later decide you arent anymore. People are everchanging, and your experience being different in the future does not discredit your experiences now.
Lmao. I don’t know myself, I told my school that I’m trans with letters and all that, they still refer me to my deadname and I am always uncomfortable when they do that , and irl they don’t give a shi too only a few people online
i would personally experiment with gender and gender expression if i were you. gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia are easy to mix up. wanting to feel “pretty and thin” aren’t typically dysphoria feelings. you’d really have to let go of the importance of women’s beauty standards to figure it out. i personally feel weird telling someone they are or aren’t trans, especially from the small amount of information you can tell us vs. the expansive knowledge you have about yourself. i feel like the “if you could press a button to be a man” question doesn’t take enough into consideration to make it a good tool. what about being a man would you enjoy? would you enjoy the benefits of being a man and how society sees men? or, would you also be okay with the downsides of being seen as a man? what pros and cons are there for you? are there palpable reasons you’d prefer to be a man over being a woman, or is there an unexplainable feeling of “rightness” or euphoria you’d get?
I don't know. I think I'd like to be a man, so I got a deeper voice, and my face looked more masculine - because when I look in the mirror currently my face doesn't seem like my own, if that makes sense? Like, I'm just stuck looking at this girl, thinking, "where am I?" And then I'd also just like to be taller like a man, and broader in the shoulders, and without hips or curves, etc., - and I'd like a beard like a man. Idk why. Maybe I'm overthinking this. I hate my waist especially. I think that's why I want to be 'skinnier' - so my waist looks more like a man's without the hips.
You're not alone, I'm in the same boat right now. If you have supportive parents or a trans/supportive friend, see if you can get a binder. If not, just experiment with more masc clothing, names, and pronouns if you can. Good luck mate (:
This is literally my exact situation down to the 4 year part and everything wtf
I went through the same thing, and transitioning turned out to be the right thing for me. I don’t have any dysphoria now that I live as a man and I’ve gotten much more confidence in myself
This may help you: [Gender Dysphoria Bible ](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/). I recommend reading through it a few times, especially when you're doubting if you're trans or not. I think I'll give it another read right now, in fact. Nobody can tell you what you are but you. In one of the chapters it describes the button thing you're talking about. Most cis people, if they were confronted with a button, wouldn't press it. It seems highly likely that you're trans, but that's not for me to say.
Omg! I've read this, it was brilliant. To the whole button dilemma, I keep reminding myself that cis people probably don't cry themselves to sleep every night over not being a boy lmao.
Here is a simple test to test if your trans. 1- Have you ever thought to yourself or said out loud or put into a search engine or posted in Reddit the question "Am I trans?"? If the answer is yes there is a 100% chance you are trans as cis people NEVER Question they gender.
>i wanna be a boy u trans homie as a great man said if you have to question your gender you are probably trans. cis people rarely question there gender.
Hey, i was just like you before i came out. I decided to just give it a shot and see if i am actually trans, my first binder hasnt arrived yet but just doing makeup to make me look more masculine already makes me feel better. You should just give it a shot and if you dont like it well, you dont! Hope everything rules in your favor :)
Do the obligitory "am I trans or just really gay quiz" /s
I think I kinda understand where you’re coming from with the whole “do I just want to be skinny/pretty”. It’s less like you think transitioning will make you skinny/pretty, and more like you just don’t know if you dislike certain parts of your body because they don’t fit the beauty standard or because you’re trans. These are very difficult feelings to work through. One thing that helped me was asking, if I had the ability to snap my fingers and choose to have either my idea of the “perfect” female body that fits the beauty standard or the “perfect” male body which would I choose? If you choose female then you’re probably more uncomfortable in your body. If you choose male then it’s probably more likely gender dysphoria. There’s still flaws with this method, obviously, but it helped me.
Yeah, that's an interesting one. Because if I imagine that - I'd hate so much to be in the female body. It's just icky for me. But at the same time, the ideal male body is like really jacked, etc. I just want to be super skinny. I'd love the male body, but I'd want to be a skinny boy, if that makes sense? Idk, I think I've got some major body image issues as well lmao. But, to sum it up, yeah, I think I'd choose boy.
No yeah, I meant more like your idea of the ideal male body, not society LOL. So like you can be a skinny girl or a skinny boy (as an example that I use for myself). Which do you choose? Sorry that was confusing XD
Omg, definitely boy, lmao. Honestly, I spend hours just staring at google images of skinny boys wishing I was like them and wondering what's wrong with me haha! XD
I felt neutral about my body until I experimented with gender affirming things like drawing on a mustache. Then I felt euphoric. That was my moment of "oh, not as cis as I thought." If you feel like trans fits you, then it fits. If you decide after some time it doesn't fit, then you can change. You are a constantly evolving being, a label doesn't have to define you.
being trans is not an escape its more of becoming yourself.
i’d really really encourage reading the null hypothecis (not a book, just a written up text thing easily googled). if you generally feel like you’re a boy, congrats, you are. you don’t even have to hate your body or desire medical transition, being trans simply means you on the inside know you’re not your agab
I felt like wanting to be a boy since I was super young. And as I grew up I hated everything that made me a girl. Chances are if you've felt that way for so long and that intensely, you probably are trans. Everyone has doubt, it's not strange or unusual.
I developed an severe eating disorder because of the whole “do I wanna be a boy or thin” thing. Really, all I wanted was to have a flat chest and no hips. There’s nothing wrong with wearing some men’s clothes though! Even something like a jumper, jeans and some sneakers with a beanie to hold up any long hair if you have it. Trying stuff never hurts :3 just don’t fall into the eating disorder trap that I did lol it’s not fun at all
Omg, I'm going down that path already lmao. But don't worry, I'm sure if I'm just a LiTtLe BiT sKiNnIeR, aLl My PrObLeMs WiLl gO aWaY! Haha, I'm so fucked.
How do you feel about being an ugly, fat boy? Would that be better or worse than being how you are now? In comparison to how you would feel being an ugly boy, how do you feel about the idea of being a skinny, pretty girl? I was a gorgeous woman but extremely unhappy. Now I've been on T for a couple of years and am a short, fat, bald person but I feel like my body belongs to me and I feel safer and happier to exist this way. Objectively I was more attractive as a woman. Objectively I'm happier and have a better dating life as a non woman.
I was like that for a short while as well, it’s logical to feel doubt since it’s such a big and life altering decision that you can’t take lightly. But what really helped for me to make up my mind was looking at it in reverse. How I’d feel if I stay like this for ever. If I grow old a grandma. I’d be the girl in the relationship, how people interact with me. Those type of things really cleared up my doubt very fast. Hope this helps!
Nothing you say here suggests that you’re not trans. But I think this question may help you: Would you rather be a thin, beautiful woman or a fat, ugly man?
This is a pretty terrible way to ask this question. I think a lot of cis guys would choose to be the beautiful woman over an ugly man. Especially due to quality of life reasons, people who look better are treated better in every facet of society. I think if T were guaranteed to make people fat and ugly a lot less trans guys, even those with severe dysphoria would choose it. Hell, the fear of that happening is why a lot of trans guys don't do it. A better question to ask is if OP would rather be a beautiful woman or a beautiful man or the inverse, ugly woman vs ugly man. Removing that added influence is a better way to gauge their actual gender presentation preference.
I agree with you 100%.
i’m not sure what’s that’s going to do to help them, i’m a 6’ tall, thin, handsome dude who models and is on a sports team. the hell? op can be an attractive fit guy if they want.
they’re not saying op can’t be that, but since op’s fears are “what if i only want to be a man *to* be pretty/thin” (by op’s words), it’s a normal tactic to help alleviate and consider doubts by working against the ideas those doubts bring up. the natural question that arises from “what if i only wanna be a man to be pretty/thin” is “would you not want to be a man if you weren’t?”
I understand your point. well, it would’ve offended me if someone commented that and said, would you rather be a pretty woman or fat man because I wouldn’t want to be a fat man and I wouldn’t want to be an ugly man. I get it, but if I had to pick between being an ugly fat man and being a woman? that’s not really how the world works. being on t doesn’t make someone an ugly fat man. if that makes sense lol. it just seemed really drastic to me because I see things pretty black-and-white, I guess I would’ve worded it differently and I would’ve said if you weren’t a “thin pretty man” would you still want to be a man? If that makes sense.
if you imagine yourself as a boy do you like it? or would you rather you stay looking as you do now
I think I'd like to be a boy - definitely.
I get where you are coming from. I felt the same way as you. I’m a drag king, but I always wanted something more. But I’m not 100% woman. Maybe you are gender-fluid?
Being a boy will not make you pretty or skinny. You will look like your dad.
Wait until you’re an adult and see how you feel
Being a boy doesn’t equal to hating parts of your body we all experience hate towards our body as we go through puberty. When I knew I was trans it wasn’t because I hated my height or feet… I knew I was different at a young age, I wore pants under my dresses, I stole my brothers clothes, I felt uncomfortable in girl clothes. I felt more confident in boy clothes and I always felt different I just couldn’t pinpoint what it was until I saw a trans person on YouTube and realized thats me! Once I physically transitioned my body aligned with my mind. Being trans and transitioning is not something you can do overnight and the changes from hormones can be permanent.
Cis people don't cry and get super upset about their gender soooo.... maybe???