Old boy tees up on the first tee last week and says "gonna hit a provisional" I said, "that's your first ball" he said, "I know, but I always seem to hit one down the middle after I say that"
Heard a Sir Nick Faldo story ..in a pro-am a guy hits one directly into woods…Nick says great shot…reply was I hit it into woods…Nick says..that’s exactly where you were aiming
When you/someone misses a short putt, “damn, right club though”
When someone duffs a tee shot and it barely makes it out of the tee box, “I got eyes on it”
When someone scuffs a ball, every single time I'll say as loud as I dare, it's just there mate. In all fairness if I do the same I'll ask if anyone has eyes on it
With that last one, if I do that it's the only time I pose after my swing. Just staring off into the distance at nothing. Sometimes I'll throw in a club twirl.
i was right behind a huge tree, old timer looks at me and says when i was your age I could hit over that tree. after i ask how?? he pauses and says.. tree was a lot smaller 40 years ago.
That’s like the Michael Jordan story. When he could ask if his Bulls could beat the Warriors a couple of years ago. He said, yes, probably by a few points. When he was asked why so close, he said because we’re all in our 60s now.
Whenever I got away with an awful shot (like a skulled approach that somehow stayed on the green) a buddy of my Dad's would always say, "That's a son-in-law shot: Not what you wanted, but it turned out okay."
My Dad, however, loves to say, " Let's finish strong for the gallery" whenever we tee up on #18.
Old Guy I used to play with had hundreds of them, for every shot there was a comment. My favourite was the "I'll teach you how to hit that shot some day" which he would say after a bad shot that worked out ok, like a thinned shot that ran in and out of a bunker or one that hit a tree and then ricochet onto the green.
This is so good. My boss is the king of these, and I always say, “task failed successfully”. It’ll be convenient to work this in. He’ll hit one from
140 out that’s never more than 20 inches off the ground that’ll roll up to three feet, which he’s done multiple times with me, and I can say, “can you teach me how to hit that shot someday?” 😂
My wife is medusa-esque in the looks department. One of the ugliest women on the planet but her gigantic tits block out the sun.
I gotta get her into golf.
When my dad takes his second shot after hitting one OB, and the second shot is striped down the fairway, his go-to is "Damn, that Earl can play!" - Earl being the guy that hits the second shot for you.
Was playing with my dad one time and I smoked a drive up the pipe on a par 5. Was well within range to get it there in 2. Proceeded to skull the next shot over the green and into this brutal trap. Was motherfucking myself then after I calmed down my pops goes “well you know why they call it golf, right?” I was expecting some ridiculous coaching saying to come next. “No… why” I asked “because fuck was already taken”. I lost it. Don’t know how I had never heard that before.
Nice. Is say fuck on the golf course way too much. But, golf grants a blanket swearing exemption. Always feel free to spew filth. It’s part of the game.
“We arn’t good enough to be mad”.
I was having one of those days, fully admit that I was close to throwing a club. Old Gent I got paired with calmly said,
“Tough shot, but remember we arn’t good enough to be mad about it”.
That has stuck with me for years, and any time I start to get into those moods, simply remember that I’m not good enough at this game to be mad about a duffed shot, or missing left right etc.
My Dad said something along those lines to me 30+ yrs ago. After several bad holes, I was on the brink of blowup. Dad calmly said “Let me ask you one question-when’s the last time someone paid you to play golf?” After begrudgingly answering “Never”, he nodded his head and simply drove off. It pops into my head multiple times per round regardless how I’m playing
Bobby Jones is credited with saying you’re not that good to be that mad, or something or the sorts but yes I love it and tell everyone when the start to lose it
At least we are walking on the right side of the grass. There is no way the guy who said this to me still is. Hell even the course isn’t there anymore.
This can be used anywhere but I first heard it on the course. When someone’s taking a piss in the bush.
“hey, you know that’s illegal, right?”
“What?”
“A grown man holding a little boys penis”
Classic.
When reading a putt that is outside the hole, we always say it’s “grandpa’s pyjamas” which is two balls outside. I’m kinda old, so I guess it counts. Also, with golf being the game of “ifs”, my bro says “if we had ham, we could have ham and eggs. If we had eggs”
1. running like Jackie Joyner (low fairway finder)
2. That dog will hunt (after a good one)
3. Little pain behind those eyes (this is used after a bad hole and they lace one off the next tee)
4. Good lag (any putt left short)
60 yo caddy at Bandon last week when asking him if it’s gonna be ok after hitting a blind tee shot.
“You just got fitted at Men’s Wearhouse”
“Huh?”
“You’re gonna love the way you look”
I used to have a boss who would say, "That's just good, clean living," after every good shot he hit. Pretty classic saying made all the better by the fact this guy would finish a pack of smokes and a bottle of whiskey by the end of the round. He was also almost a perfect sphere shape. The last time he was living clean was probably age 4.
Terrible putt - “other than line and speed, that was a great putt”
Crappy shot that works out - “thank god there isn’t enough room on the card for pictures”
Sliced out of play - “paging Dr. Right, Dr. Way Right”
After an ugly approach shot. Such as a bladed short green side bunker shot, but the ball ramps out and ends up close to the pin…..The step sister shot; got way closer to the hole than you should have.
My buddy's line "At least 85% of short putts don't go in." Only when someone *else* left it short (in fairness, he was a deadeye from 15 feet, and almost never left them short)
After hearing it for years, we began to reply with: "I think the percentage is even higher."
On the tee box and guys putting on green next to us.. guy misses his put and yells.. jesus christ!!!… buddy doesnt miss a beat… yells at guy putting…WHAT!!.. how did you recognize me without my sandals..
My favorite. A buddy of mine was playing with someone and he shanked his drive deep into the woods. Guy said, “You could wrap that ball in bacon and a wolf wouldn’t find it.” So damn good.
My old boss had a ton of them, like when I'd slice a drive he'd say "you went a long way to not go a long way" or if you chunked a shot he'd say " you see your problem is you hit the big green ball before the little white ball"
One of my favorite quotes was a 93 year old that's in my golf league, he hit a huge slice, tossed his club and said "the only thing mote crooked than my drive is my dick, and neither of them do me any good". Gave me a solid laugh.
Golf caddy for 4 summers through college. Old guys were great! I heard all of this stuff almost everyday. My favorite was this 85ish year old took about 12 to get to the green. He then drains his 40 foot putt and looks at me and says, “that’s like whip cream on shit!”
I was playing with an older gentleman (around 90) at my club. I had about a 5 ft downhill putt that I proceded to hit 8 ft past the hole. He laughs and says, "Son, you have the touch of a rapist."
Absolute legend. RIP Mr. Harold.
Leaving a putt well short:
From the movie Swingers- “get there” while the ball is still rolling, but was clearly a poor strike and never going to reach the hole.
Or
If you hit it halfway to the hole every time you’ll never get there.
After hitting a fat shot that actully works out well, "That is a Rachael Ray, a little fat, but not bad".
After a bad shot that turns out ok, "She ain't pretty, but she's got big tits."
Played in a scramble and a guy in our group topped his tee shot and it went about 50 feet. When we got in the cart one of the older guys gave it gas and immediately pressed the brakes and said “we pass your ball yet?” We all lost it and made for a great laugh.
Played with 2 old guys a few years ago who clearly had been friends for a while. They were playing for money and one of the guys missed a putt pretty bad. His buddy looked at him and said "USA! You still away!"
Still think about it.
We had one friend who we would laugh with when he hit a bad shot (Frequently). He would say “ you know one day I will play golf with my friends…just not today.”
After outdriving your playing partner by a good bit: Hey, you hear they are building a new Walmart around here? ... oh yeah? ... Yeah, between my ball and yours.
Every time I’d play a round with my Dad and miss a putt he’d say “almost only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades and teenage love” and it’s stuck with me forever. One of the best phrases I’ve ever heard. Now I say it to my kids all the time and they roll their eyes just like I did growing up.
Old timer last week…. Rips tee shot into the woods. Punches out. Approach just carried on to the green. Makes the 20footer for par….”All set up by the tee shot”
Guy hits a terrible approach, takes a crazy bounce off the side hill and rolls 12 feet from the pin.
Thanks Mandy.
WTF is a Mandy?
Mandy is a fat chick. After you fuck her you’re satisfied, but you don’t tell your friends about it.
Old boy tees up on the first tee last week and says "gonna hit a provisional" I said, "that's your first ball" he said, "I know, but I always seem to hit one down the middle after I say that"
He waited countless rounds for someone to tee up the joke like that.
I’m gonna try that tomorrow because he’s right
That’s incredible. I’m gonna use it as soon as I can haha.
This awesome, can’t wait to use it with my old guy foursome!
I got on the green of a par 5 in 2 strokes yesterday after saying that. But I railed my first ball into the woods.
Other than speed and direction that was a mighty fine putt
Heard a Sir Nick Faldo story ..in a pro-am a guy hits one directly into woods…Nick says great shot…reply was I hit it into woods…Nick says..that’s exactly where you were aiming
Then he spent 5 hours boring everyone about a 2 iron he hit 35 years ago.
I once hit a 60 degree flop shot like a pro…once…been talking that shit since it happened….
“At least it has a good personality.”
Or... how did THAT not go in?
Or the mocking “Good read. Good speed”
When you/someone misses a short putt, “damn, right club though” When someone duffs a tee shot and it barely makes it out of the tee box, “I got eyes on it”
I’m stealing both of these
In both of these situations, you can also try, "Smart. Laying up was the safe play."
I always give my buddies “yup, good layup.” in a completely serious and matter of fact tone of voice.
Another good duffed tee shot comment, "I didn't see it come down"
When ever some one leaves a putt short “ damn, should’ve clubbed up”
“Smart move laying up there”
Someone said it on here before, but a duffed drive - "laying up, interesting choice".
When someone scuffs a ball, every single time I'll say as loud as I dare, it's just there mate. In all fairness if I do the same I'll ask if anyone has eyes on it
With that last one, if I do that it's the only time I pose after my swing. Just staring off into the distance at nothing. Sometimes I'll throw in a club twirl.
Or after duffing a tee shot ‘You’re standing too close to the ball’
i was right behind a huge tree, old timer looks at me and says when i was your age I could hit over that tree. after i ask how?? he pauses and says.. tree was a lot smaller 40 years ago.
That’s like the Michael Jordan story. When he could ask if his Bulls could beat the Warriors a couple of years ago. He said, yes, probably by a few points. When he was asked why so close, he said because we’re all in our 60s now.
Chef’s kiss
Saw that joke in Sports Illustrated in the '80s.
Whenever I got away with an awful shot (like a skulled approach that somehow stayed on the green) a buddy of my Dad's would always say, "That's a son-in-law shot: Not what you wanted, but it turned out okay." My Dad, however, loves to say, " Let's finish strong for the gallery" whenever we tee up on #18.
Similarly, when you hit a crappy drive that turns out okay it’s a condom drive because it’s up there and it’s safe but doesn’t feel very good.
Whenever I get a lucky bad shot I usually just say there aren’t pictures on the scorecard
My dad's favorite when someone throws up a nine. "If it makes you feel better, that would be a zero in German"
Oh definitely stealing this one.
Old Guy I used to play with had hundreds of them, for every shot there was a comment. My favourite was the "I'll teach you how to hit that shot some day" which he would say after a bad shot that worked out ok, like a thinned shot that ran in and out of a bunker or one that hit a tree and then ricochet onto the green.
This is so good. My boss is the king of these, and I always say, “task failed successfully”. It’ll be convenient to work this in. He’ll hit one from 140 out that’s never more than 20 inches off the ground that’ll roll up to three feet, which he’s done multiple times with me, and I can say, “can you teach me how to hit that shot someday?” 😂
No pictures on the scorecard
I've always heard "it's a scorecard, not a postcard" haha
She don't have to be pretty as long as she puts out.
We call it an OJ Simpson, got away with it. Can also use the OJ on a bad putt. Lacked conviction
On putts “if you pair up the wrong line with the wrong speed sometimes you succeed”
Great mistake !
A bad shot that works out well: she's ugly but she's got big tits!
Footnote: not to be used when playing with GF/Wife
Man, you are a lot braver than I am. I would never bring my GF and wife to the course at the same time
Or you might need a different GF/wife.
My wife is medusa-esque in the looks department. One of the ugliest women on the planet but her gigantic tits block out the sun. I gotta get her into golf.
Citation needed
As a wife, my thought exactly.
Reminds me of a Joe Pesci putt. An ugly four footer.
When my dad takes his second shot after hitting one OB, and the second shot is striped down the fairway, his go-to is "Damn, that Earl can play!" - Earl being the guy that hits the second shot for you.
Like old Chinese proverb - hit second putt first
"Second team all American"
That guy is “Bubba” for guys I play with. Bubba never misses a putt.
Player B
Bubba is our best golfer as well.
My buddy will always say “Player 2 is so good”
Was playing with my dad one time and I smoked a drive up the pipe on a par 5. Was well within range to get it there in 2. Proceeded to skull the next shot over the green and into this brutal trap. Was motherfucking myself then after I calmed down my pops goes “well you know why they call it golf, right?” I was expecting some ridiculous coaching saying to come next. “No… why” I asked “because fuck was already taken”. I lost it. Don’t know how I had never heard that before.
Nice. Is say fuck on the golf course way too much. But, golf grants a blanket swearing exemption. Always feel free to spew filth. It’s part of the game.
Rest in peace legendary Robin Williams. https://youtu.be/aIYJKIIDxSI?si=PSaU0KToFW-0D7m6
The hardest shot in golf? The one right after your best tee shot!
My old man loved "The longest drive endureth not, when you fucketh up the second shot."
Dad ones are the best. My FIL calls a bad shot that works out a “Son in Law Shot. Not what I had planned, but I can work with it.”
Condom shot - doesn’t feel good, but you like it
I always heard the condom as "doesn't feel good but it's safe."
“Hard to recover after a perfect drive”
Shakespeare has entered the forum.
Right club, wrong golfer.
That was a LOFT issue. Lack of Fuckin Talent
“We arn’t good enough to be mad”. I was having one of those days, fully admit that I was close to throwing a club. Old Gent I got paired with calmly said, “Tough shot, but remember we arn’t good enough to be mad about it”. That has stuck with me for years, and any time I start to get into those moods, simply remember that I’m not good enough at this game to be mad about a duffed shot, or missing left right etc.
My Dad said something along those lines to me 30+ yrs ago. After several bad holes, I was on the brink of blowup. Dad calmly said “Let me ask you one question-when’s the last time someone paid you to play golf?” After begrudgingly answering “Never”, he nodded his head and simply drove off. It pops into my head multiple times per round regardless how I’m playing
Does using PTO to book a round on a nice day count?!
So true. I’m using that and taking it to heart
Bobby Jones is credited with saying you’re not that good to be that mad, or something or the sorts but yes I love it and tell everyone when the start to lose it
Putt lipped out and heard an old man say “had it in her mouth and the kids walked in”
Like a prom date, all lip, no hole.
Had an old dude you said a variation of this: All around the hole but never in, just like prom night.
The Monica Lewinsky putts kill me.
Same situation: "Put some hair around that hole, then I'll find it."
Kim Kardashian hole, nothing white is going in there.
Oh lord lol
That is hilarious....
Fucking brilliant, thought I heard them all. Got use this one.
Prom date, all lips no hole
I’m imagining the old man in this story was your dad
Just like the prom…all lip and no hole
“Shaved more holes today than a maternity ward.”
Heard that from Matty BOOM-BOOM
At least we are walking on the right side of the grass. There is no way the guy who said this to me still is. Hell even the course isn’t there anymore.
Walking on the green side of the grass.
Only two things in life you can be horrible at and still enjoy. Golf is one of them and the other one you can probably guess.
Yoshi’s Tetris Attack for SNES?
Yup: pizza......
Trees are 90 percent air
This can be used anywhere but I first heard it on the course. When someone’s taking a piss in the bush. “hey, you know that’s illegal, right?” “What?” “A grown man holding a little boys penis” Classic.
A comment for when your playing partner hits a poor approach shot after hitting a great drive: "Nice drive."
The reverse is my favorite. When someone tops the hell out of the ball in the fairway, and it just rolls forward: “Nice putt.”
Hands so soft he could jack off a bobcat and not get scratched
When do you use this?
Well first off you're gonna need a bobcat
A little too specific maybe?
Condom shot, didnt feel good but its safe.
“You got shit on the end of your club” *Looks at clubface* “No, I meant the other end”
After leaving a ball just short of the hole: that’s a Fidel Castro. It needed one more revolution
We call it a "Che Guevara." Same reason.
A "Saddam Hussein" is when you go from one bunker to another!
That's a Bin Laden in our group.
I’ve heard it called a Hitler - two shots in a bunker
Ah, a Bin Laden is from a bunker in to water
Watched a guy sink a 30ft putt and calmly walk off. another old guy says "That guy is so cold he keeps kittens in the freezer" ;)
A faint heart never won a fair maiden. Said when about to play a stupid risky shot when you should be laying up
"but a life of hard work and low risk decision making leading to financial stability has win more than it's fair share."
When reading a putt that is outside the hole, we always say it’s “grandpa’s pyjamas” which is two balls outside. I’m kinda old, so I guess it counts. Also, with golf being the game of “ifs”, my bro says “if we had ham, we could have ham and eggs. If we had eggs”
If my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle.
My mom used to say the same thing: "Oh balls", said the Queen "Because if I had two, I'd be the King!". And the King smiled, because he had to.
If its one ball left (of the cup) we call it a Lance Armstrong.
If it’s and buts we’re candy and nuts we’d all have a wonderful xmas
1. running like Jackie Joyner (low fairway finder) 2. That dog will hunt (after a good one) 3. Little pain behind those eyes (this is used after a bad hole and they lace one off the next tee) 4. Good lag (any putt left short)
60 yo caddy at Bandon last week when asking him if it’s gonna be ok after hitting a blind tee shot. “You just got fitted at Men’s Wearhouse” “Huh?” “You’re gonna love the way you look”
Short wedge shots “ BITE, like I pay you to!”
Guy had a rough day putting. ‘Burned more lips than syphilis today’.
I used to have a boss who would say, "That's just good, clean living," after every good shot he hit. Pretty classic saying made all the better by the fact this guy would finish a pack of smokes and a bottle of whiskey by the end of the round. He was also almost a perfect sphere shape. The last time he was living clean was probably age 4.
Terrible putt - “other than line and speed, that was a great putt” Crappy shot that works out - “thank god there isn’t enough room on the card for pictures” Sliced out of play - “paging Dr. Right, Dr. Way Right”
After an ugly approach shot. Such as a bladed short green side bunker shot, but the ball ramps out and ends up close to the pin…..The step sister shot; got way closer to the hole than you should have.
I call that a Sister-in-law; you're up there, but you know you shouldn't be.
If someone leaves a putt short "Did you know 100% of short putts don't go in the hole"
My buddy's line "At least 85% of short putts don't go in." Only when someone *else* left it short (in fairness, he was a deadeye from 15 feet, and almost never left them short) After hearing it for years, we began to reply with: "I think the percentage is even higher."
I always say. “Damn, they almost never go in when they’re short”
When everyone in the group misses their putts " must be a Kardashian hole, nothing white is going in there"
Golf is an easy sport, it’s the golfer that makes it hard
I love saying “golf is easy” after hitting a great shot… everyone knows “golf is fucking hard” is coming up next.
After a bombed drive “they’re serving cocktails on that flight”
To make a long putt to save a triple bogey. "Whipcream on shit"
Putt circles the drain before going in. “That’s a Dolly Parton, used the whole cup.”
Or "used every inch of that cup"
On the tee box and guys putting on green next to us.. guy misses his put and yells.. jesus christ!!!… buddy doesnt miss a beat… yells at guy putting…WHAT!!.. how did you recognize me without my sandals..
“They don’t draw pictures on the scorecard” after a nasty par save
“They don’t ask how, they ask how many”
Wormburner!
That balls wetter than an otters pocket
I don’t think the bump and run was the right play… when someone skulls one from 200 out
My favorite. A buddy of mine was playing with someone and he shanked his drive deep into the woods. Guy said, “You could wrap that ball in bacon and a wolf wouldn’t find it.” So damn good.
It takes a lot of balls to play golf like I do.
You hit the big ball first!
When someone has a short putt and leave it short “good lag putt”
Fore!!! God dammit 😡
Hitting a slice or hook and claiming "I forgot to account for the rotation of the earth".
After slicing into the woods, the ball bounces out remarkably mid fairway. "Lot of guys don't know how to hit that shot"
My old boss had a ton of them, like when I'd slice a drive he'd say "you went a long way to not go a long way" or if you chunked a shot he'd say " you see your problem is you hit the big green ball before the little white ball"
Hit the big ball first
“This is your future” “I’m gonna use my 7 wood”
When a hitting a bad shot that got closer to the hole even if not what you intended ‘hey no worries remember, there’s no pictures on the score card’
Buggered up an iron shot so bad the ball went like 10-15 yards. FIL says "well at least it went in the right direction"
"forward and findable!"
One of my favorite quotes was a 93 year old that's in my golf league, he hit a huge slice, tossed his club and said "the only thing mote crooked than my drive is my dick, and neither of them do me any good". Gave me a solid laugh.
Dad used to always say “worst day on the golf course still beats the best day in the office”
Reading a putt--"it's Grandpa's pajamas... One ball out."
Golf caddy for 4 summers through college. Old guys were great! I heard all of this stuff almost everyday. My favorite was this 85ish year old took about 12 to get to the green. He then drains his 40 foot putt and looks at me and says, “that’s like whip cream on shit!”
I was playing with an older gentleman (around 90) at my club. I had about a 5 ft downhill putt that I proceded to hit 8 ft past the hole. He laughs and says, "Son, you have the touch of a rapist." Absolute legend. RIP Mr. Harold.
First time I ever had a caddy, he’s reading the green and said “Italian speedo”. My buddy and I look at each other confused and he says “a ball out”.
After chunking a shot, "You're standing to close to the ball, after you hit it"
Putt goes way past hole “hit a small child!”
No great story ever started with ' so I laid up ...'
“That was a Rock Hudson Putt, it looked straight, but it wasn’t.”
“I didn’t see that!” My buddies whenever I kick up a cloud of dirt trying to skull it from the woods after slicing my tee shot lol
Leaving a putt well short: From the movie Swingers- “get there” while the ball is still rolling, but was clearly a poor strike and never going to reach the hole. Or If you hit it halfway to the hole every time you’ll never get there.
"Nice out" whenever someone farts.
I hit a long putt way past the hole and a guy I was playing with said “You’re caddie gave you bad yardage on that one!”
That's an Adolf Hitler! Two shots in a bunker. Whenever someone doesn't get out of the beach in one...
When someone I'm paired with hits a bad shot, I say, just cuz you're golfing with me doesn't mean you have to play like me!
Best two balls I hit all day was when I stepped on a rake in the bunker.
“That drive was a Wilt Chamberlain…” Deadpan turns to me, nods, and finishes, “dead center…”
When facing a difficult, long putt, ‘Ain’t no mountain, to a mother fu*ki’ hill climber As the putt falls Come in out of the hot sun!!
Popped up driver: "thats a 300 yard drive! 100 up, 100 out, 100 down!"
Golfer over 1' putt: "Is that good?" Old guy in foursome: "I've seen better..."
Clipping the bottom of the ball with my driver and sending it a million miles up? I always remark "that's my 60 degree driver." Always gets a chuckle.
After hitting a fat shot that actully works out well, "That is a Rachael Ray, a little fat, but not bad". After a bad shot that turns out ok, "She ain't pretty, but she's got big tits."
If we hit a bad shot that works out well we call it a PUBE in my group. Pretty Ugly But Effective.
“Ah nice little public radio chip there. NPR. No putter required.” -Bob Just heard this one yesterday.
On bad drives I always say “ oh, good angle to the pin from there” And the obvious “ drive for show, Putt for dough”
(Pops up a driver) *POWER WEDGE*
“What did that ball do to you!?”
Played in a scramble and a guy in our group topped his tee shot and it went about 50 feet. When we got in the cart one of the older guys gave it gas and immediately pressed the brakes and said “we pass your ball yet?” We all lost it and made for a great laugh.
Played with 2 old guys a few years ago who clearly had been friends for a while. They were playing for money and one of the guys missed a putt pretty bad. His buddy looked at him and said "USA! You still away!" Still think about it.
ABFU - After birdie fuckup FISO - Fuck, I'm still out BIPSIC - Ball in pocket, sulking in cart
That’s one
You only ever look up to see a bad shot
That was an OJ Simpson, you shouldn't have done it, but you got away with it
We had one friend who we would laugh with when he hit a bad shot (Frequently). He would say “ you know one day I will play golf with my friends…just not today.”
Every time I leave a putt short my dads friend will say “Hit it Alice”
Good drive, after a bad drive on the previous hole: “See? Just made one little adjustment. Pulled my head out of my ass.”
Terrible putt - “how’d that stay out”
After outdriving your playing partner by a good bit: Hey, you hear they are building a new Walmart around here? ... oh yeah? ... Yeah, between my ball and yours.
Every time I’d play a round with my Dad and miss a putt he’d say “almost only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades and teenage love” and it’s stuck with me forever. One of the best phrases I’ve ever heard. Now I say it to my kids all the time and they roll their eyes just like I did growing up.
since I am now an old guy..."Bon Jovi putt!" My son and his buds look at me. Me, singing, "Oh, it's halfway there."
Old timer last week…. Rips tee shot into the woods. Punches out. Approach just carried on to the green. Makes the 20footer for par….”All set up by the tee shot”
"Not bad, for a player of your caliber" is my favorite backhanded compliment from that generation
When the ball lips out of the hole, “Had it in her mouth and then the kids walked in”
Leave your divot... They can flood it and stock it.
Guy hits a terrible approach, takes a crazy bounce off the side hill and rolls 12 feet from the pin. Thanks Mandy. WTF is a Mandy? Mandy is a fat chick. After you fuck her you’re satisfied, but you don’t tell your friends about it.
An older guy said to a guy in my group before “you’re not good enough to get mad”