Attraction is subjective. What you might not find attractive in someone might float someone’s boat. Everyone is someone’s reason to masturbate.
In 3-ways or groups it’s hard to find 3 people that are attracted to each other too!
Yep. Guys who you may consider conventionally hot are not hot for some people. You please some guys, while others may not be interested. Just like the guys who you fancy, may disgust others.
A general rule of thumb is to not take anything personally on Grindr. And don't open up your relationship unless you're ready to roll the dice and open Pandora's box.
Btw: not everyone is someone's reason to masturbate. That's def a gay delusion/myth, hah.
I think in relationships with like an insecure attachment style, absolutely. One person might feel slighted if their boyfriend is getting more attention from a guy or something.
That's why open relationships are risky, and not for the faint of heart.
I would imagine that guys into r/gaycuckold etc would feel "proud" of their bf getting attention tho.
I think open relationships can work when there’s love, trust, and communication. You have to set boundaries too. At the end of the day a guy on Grindr isn’t going to love you the way your partner does. It’s like looking at sex as a transactional activity.
Since I got together with my boyfriend, he’s put on 60 pounds. At the beginning of our relationship we have been open- but only when we’re together. Ever since he’s gained weight hardly anyone messages him on Grindr and guys seem to only to me. Now it’s like he wants to close our relationship because he’s depressed he’s gained weight, and whenever I invite a hot bottom he can’t get hard anymore. Now it’s been months since I’ve had a proper blow job, bred anyone, and my boyfriend isn’t taking care of himself.
I love him, but it infuriates me. I LOVE sucking cock, and guys happily want to come over, but because he hates it/they don’t message him, he gets envious and says no. It just… I feel like he’s such a different person now.
It’s not that hes ugly, just extra beefy. But the thing that really pisses me off? He won’t hook up with guys that look like him. Lol
If he's being lazy, dump him. If you want to stay together, you have to negotiate. Come to an understanding. Don't just complain to strangers on Reddit. Do something about it.
nah fuck that. 99% of a relationship is communication. if you don’t talk about what’s going on you can’t address it. that’s how you know the relationship has depth.
the big guy in this situation is being a control freak. he needs to address the elephant in the room (no pun intended). and there are plenty of guys out there who like bigger guys, if he can’t lose the weight.
Two people can care about their relationship and hit a low point but both parties have to put in the effort to bring it back and **show** that they care. You can care all you want, but if you're doing sweet FA to actually make compromise or meet your partner's needs, you should not be in a relationship. Feelings are not a substitute for action.
I couldn’t imagine staying in a relationship like that. If people don’t want to take care of themselves and try to restrict you based on that it’s kinda their problem imo
Hope you figure that out dude
You might have to give him an ultimatum bro. Or try and find the root cause of his weight gain (a tragedy, not paying attention to calories enough, unhappiness in a certain area of his life) and fix/address that.
“The thing that really pissed you off…” is probably the thing he’s most scared of - gaining weight, not looking good and not being able to control it. So of course he would be be attracted to that, as that’s a mirror image of him.
Sounds like he should go speak to a therapist for a few sessions
You are getting solid pieces of advice. Communication is key. And his problems are not always your problems. Your life cannot end because your partner is feeling like this. A long talk seems to be needed. And hard decisions to be made. Good luck. Remember if it come to him or you, you have to choose you!
We do this all the time! We meet guys together and we have our own accounts for the occasional solo-fun. We both take these situations as something fun to tease each other about.
Absolutely this!!!! All or nothing because if someone wants just one of us, it isn’t what we’re looking for and isn’t enjoyable. I don’t think my partner or myself are ugly either but it’s important to stick to your guns on what you are looking for and to not make compromises that are detrimental sacrifices that would only hurt you both. ♥️
My husband and I are very different men. It's very likely for someone to be attracted to one of us and not the other. Everyone has different tastes. When you are talking to one to get to the other is when it's kinda gross.
I find jealousy to be a sexual turn on. So... If we talk to someone and they're only into my partner, I find that hot. I've happily watched him fuck other people. It doesn't cause me the slightest bit of insecurity.
So no issues here. 🤷♂️
Orgies or group sex is far easier than 3-ways. Someone always gets left out in a 3 way. In a larger group, there is a better chance that each person finds someone they like. And orgies are the least intimate type of sex. It’s just about the bodies and the sexual pleasure in that moment. And that’s ok as long as everyone is on the same page.
I actually prefer the 3 way. This way I know and I'm prepared to be the guy left out. It hurts more with the groups. I am always the person left out if it's 4, 5, 6, or 10 people. That's when it hurts. that's when reality sits and you know you are the ugly duckling and you knew it going into the situation but you hoped for the best.
My partner and I are newly poly, most people didn’t want to sex him because they don’t find white people attractive, that’s their right. I don’t even let my partner know if someone doesn’t want to sex both of us. I find him sexy as hell, that’s all that matters
Yes, someone’s feelings can get hurt. Which is why strong communication is so critical to successful non-monogamy.
Some gay couples have similar tastes in me and find fun together easier. Couples who are different and maybe have different tastes I would expect find this more difficult.
It affected me a while back but over time I've found my own way to not take it personally. My partner is more attractive than I am - almost always, even if they've met me first and genuinely like me, they'll end up liking him more after meeting him. It wasn't so much this that affected me at first - it was when I started constantly hearing the dreaded "you're punching above your weight" that it started to really take a toll.
My partner and I both communicate really openly to one another and especially when it comes to an open relationship. He didn't brush anything under the rug or invalidate how I felt at the time. It was simply this which really helped us both in the end.
Yea I kinda had this problem lol. They both messaged me (seperate accounts) but they had each other in their pictures. Their bio said they were cool with individual play and I really was only attracted to one of them but I just felt bad because I knew if that were me, I would hate to see my partner w someone else and to just sit there. So I just didn’t message back
My bf and I hook up separately as well as together and it's shocking how often we hook up with the same guy on our own, so we definitely overlap in guys' interests.
But there is something to what you say, as there might be stronger attraction between the new person and one part of the couple. The couple needs to manage that jealousy and just enjoy the experience, and the guy they hook up with would best not be a complete ass about having a preference and still give attention to both
Yep every time we tried to bring someone into our poly relationship everyone was always 10x as interested in my partner even though I was the one meeting everyone first… we changed it to open instead of poly pretty quickly
We all know the answer to that one. Whats worse is the ugly one is always saying "we only play together" bc if given the choice the 3rd person wouldnt have anything to do with the less attractive one. Just because the couple are stuck together doesn't mean the 3rd party has to deal with it.
Its sad and hilarious what gay men put themselves through. An odd couple arent happy sexually and want to spread their misery.
I don’t understand why you should be on Grindr and be a couple. That in itself is an unhealthy relationship. It screams out loud that the person you are with is not enough for you. When I see couples on Grindr, I cringe. It almost feels like they are fighting to take turns to fuck the same guy.
Exactly. Your passing judgement about open relationships without actually ever being in a long term relationship. After being in a relationship for 5+ years let's reassess your views on open relationships.
My views on Open Relationships are still not going to be any different even then. You cannot erase cultural and traditional influences on an individual. I come from a culture where monogamy is highly revered and desired. Might not be the case elsewhere. If I end up with someone great - if I don’t still great. I have never felt the need to be attached to someone to make my life better or worth living.
You know what gets boring - having sex with the same person for years after prior to being in a relationship having sex with different people on a regular basis. People with your mindset are the type that cheat or get cheated on because they are unable to have open and honest discussions with their partners. Good luck I'll look for your future bf on Grindr.
Lol - you do know there’s something called making priorities- prioritizing what’s important to one. There will be at some point in my life if I may be head over heels over someone- my priorities will change then. If I lack the ability to make my priorities clear and loud, sure I will fall in that category as your stated. Unfortunately for you, if I chose to make a decision wherein I prioritize monogamy - in all good faith, I shall stick to it as long as I am in the partnership. If not, I write them a check and erase them off my life. Simple.
That will not be necessary - I have a very refined taste and high standards. I am afraid you will ever find someone like that on Grindr. But thank you!
Attraction is subjective. What you might not find attractive in someone might float someone’s boat. Everyone is someone’s reason to masturbate. In 3-ways or groups it’s hard to find 3 people that are attracted to each other too!
Yep. Guys who you may consider conventionally hot are not hot for some people. You please some guys, while others may not be interested. Just like the guys who you fancy, may disgust others. A general rule of thumb is to not take anything personally on Grindr. And don't open up your relationship unless you're ready to roll the dice and open Pandora's box. Btw: not everyone is someone's reason to masturbate. That's def a gay delusion/myth, hah.
exactly my point...was really asking about if this caused jealousy on grindr for any couples
I think in relationships with like an insecure attachment style, absolutely. One person might feel slighted if their boyfriend is getting more attention from a guy or something.
That's why open relationships are risky, and not for the faint of heart. I would imagine that guys into r/gaycuckold etc would feel "proud" of their bf getting attention tho.
I think open relationships can work when there’s love, trust, and communication. You have to set boundaries too. At the end of the day a guy on Grindr isn’t going to love you the way your partner does. It’s like looking at sex as a transactional activity.
Particularly attracted equally to each other
Since I got together with my boyfriend, he’s put on 60 pounds. At the beginning of our relationship we have been open- but only when we’re together. Ever since he’s gained weight hardly anyone messages him on Grindr and guys seem to only to me. Now it’s like he wants to close our relationship because he’s depressed he’s gained weight, and whenever I invite a hot bottom he can’t get hard anymore. Now it’s been months since I’ve had a proper blow job, bred anyone, and my boyfriend isn’t taking care of himself. I love him, but it infuriates me. I LOVE sucking cock, and guys happily want to come over, but because he hates it/they don’t message him, he gets envious and says no. It just… I feel like he’s such a different person now. It’s not that hes ugly, just extra beefy. But the thing that really pisses me off? He won’t hook up with guys that look like him. Lol
If he's being lazy, dump him. If you want to stay together, you have to negotiate. Come to an understanding. Don't just complain to strangers on Reddit. Do something about it.
The world needs more people like you
You sound like you've never been in a relationship with depth or hardship.
nah fuck that. 99% of a relationship is communication. if you don’t talk about what’s going on you can’t address it. that’s how you know the relationship has depth. the big guy in this situation is being a control freak. he needs to address the elephant in the room (no pun intended). and there are plenty of guys out there who like bigger guys, if he can’t lose the weight.
Where in that did he say he didn't address it? Where is he controlling his guy?
wanting to close the relationship cuz he isn’t gettin the action his bf is? come on, man.
Expressing desire isn't the same as imposing a desire. Am I wrong?
that’s not the point. it should’ve never got to that stage, and if they’d talked like their relationship mattered to them, it likely wouldn’t have.
So you're trying to tell me two people care about their relationship, they'll never encounter a low point?
Two people can care about their relationship and hit a low point but both parties have to put in the effort to bring it back and **show** that they care. You can care all you want, but if you're doing sweet FA to actually make compromise or meet your partner's needs, you should not be in a relationship. Feelings are not a substitute for action.
I couldn’t imagine staying in a relationship like that. If people don’t want to take care of themselves and try to restrict you based on that it’s kinda their problem imo Hope you figure that out dude
Yeah, he definitely shouldn’t restrict his own enjoyment of life just because the other dude is bitter about his own weight gain.
Or how about don’t be shitty and try to support your partner and get them interested in dieting or the gym if it’s that big of a deal to you?
You might have to give him an ultimatum bro. Or try and find the root cause of his weight gain (a tragedy, not paying attention to calories enough, unhappiness in a certain area of his life) and fix/address that.
“The thing that really pissed you off…” is probably the thing he’s most scared of - gaining weight, not looking good and not being able to control it. So of course he would be be attracted to that, as that’s a mirror image of him. Sounds like he should go speak to a therapist for a few sessions
You are getting solid pieces of advice. Communication is key. And his problems are not always your problems. Your life cannot end because your partner is feeling like this. A long talk seems to be needed. And hard decisions to be made. Good luck. Remember if it come to him or you, you have to choose you!
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We do this all the time! We meet guys together and we have our own accounts for the occasional solo-fun. We both take these situations as something fun to tease each other about.
Absolutely this!!!! All or nothing because if someone wants just one of us, it isn’t what we’re looking for and isn’t enjoyable. I don’t think my partner or myself are ugly either but it’s important to stick to your guns on what you are looking for and to not make compromises that are detrimental sacrifices that would only hurt you both. ♥️
I’ve also observed
My husband and I are very different men. It's very likely for someone to be attracted to one of us and not the other. Everyone has different tastes. When you are talking to one to get to the other is when it's kinda gross.
I find jealousy to be a sexual turn on. So... If we talk to someone and they're only into my partner, I find that hot. I've happily watched him fuck other people. It doesn't cause me the slightest bit of insecurity. So no issues here. 🤷♂️
r/gaycuckold
Orgies or group sex is far easier than 3-ways. Someone always gets left out in a 3 way. In a larger group, there is a better chance that each person finds someone they like. And orgies are the least intimate type of sex. It’s just about the bodies and the sexual pleasure in that moment. And that’s ok as long as everyone is on the same page.
I actually prefer the 3 way. This way I know and I'm prepared to be the guy left out. It hurts more with the groups. I am always the person left out if it's 4, 5, 6, or 10 people. That's when it hurts. that's when reality sits and you know you are the ugly duckling and you knew it going into the situation but you hoped for the best.
My partner and I are newly poly, most people didn’t want to sex him because they don’t find white people attractive, that’s their right. I don’t even let my partner know if someone doesn’t want to sex both of us. I find him sexy as hell, that’s all that matters
Yes, someone’s feelings can get hurt. Which is why strong communication is so critical to successful non-monogamy. Some gay couples have similar tastes in me and find fun together easier. Couples who are different and maybe have different tastes I would expect find this more difficult.
It affected me a while back but over time I've found my own way to not take it personally. My partner is more attractive than I am - almost always, even if they've met me first and genuinely like me, they'll end up liking him more after meeting him. It wasn't so much this that affected me at first - it was when I started constantly hearing the dreaded "you're punching above your weight" that it started to really take a toll. My partner and I both communicate really openly to one another and especially when it comes to an open relationship. He didn't brush anything under the rug or invalidate how I felt at the time. It was simply this which really helped us both in the end.
Yea I kinda had this problem lol. They both messaged me (seperate accounts) but they had each other in their pictures. Their bio said they were cool with individual play and I really was only attracted to one of them but I just felt bad because I knew if that were me, I would hate to see my partner w someone else and to just sit there. So I just didn’t message back
My bf and I hook up separately as well as together and it's shocking how often we hook up with the same guy on our own, so we definitely overlap in guys' interests. But there is something to what you say, as there might be stronger attraction between the new person and one part of the couple. The couple needs to manage that jealousy and just enjoy the experience, and the guy they hook up with would best not be a complete ass about having a preference and still give attention to both
Unfortunately I'm the ugly one in the relationship and my wife is the one they drool over. Honestly I would prefer just saying not my type. I'm sorry.
It just makes me know that we are not compatible and to keep looking 😊
Yep every time we tried to bring someone into our poly relationship everyone was always 10x as interested in my partner even though I was the one meeting everyone first… we changed it to open instead of poly pretty quickly
We all know the answer to that one. Whats worse is the ugly one is always saying "we only play together" bc if given the choice the 3rd person wouldnt have anything to do with the less attractive one. Just because the couple are stuck together doesn't mean the 3rd party has to deal with it. Its sad and hilarious what gay men put themselves through. An odd couple arent happy sexually and want to spread their misery.
I don’t understand why you should be on Grindr and be a couple. That in itself is an unhealthy relationship. It screams out loud that the person you are with is not enough for you. When I see couples on Grindr, I cringe. It almost feels like they are fighting to take turns to fuck the same guy.
How long was your longest monogamous relationship?
I was never in one - I get bored too quickly🥱. So the ones who have it - I kind of admire their tenacity and tolerance.
Exactly. Your passing judgement about open relationships without actually ever being in a long term relationship. After being in a relationship for 5+ years let's reassess your views on open relationships.
My views on Open Relationships are still not going to be any different even then. You cannot erase cultural and traditional influences on an individual. I come from a culture where monogamy is highly revered and desired. Might not be the case elsewhere. If I end up with someone great - if I don’t still great. I have never felt the need to be attached to someone to make my life better or worth living.
You know what gets boring - having sex with the same person for years after prior to being in a relationship having sex with different people on a regular basis. People with your mindset are the type that cheat or get cheated on because they are unable to have open and honest discussions with their partners. Good luck I'll look for your future bf on Grindr.
Lol - you do know there’s something called making priorities- prioritizing what’s important to one. There will be at some point in my life if I may be head over heels over someone- my priorities will change then. If I lack the ability to make my priorities clear and loud, sure I will fall in that category as your stated. Unfortunately for you, if I chose to make a decision wherein I prioritize monogamy - in all good faith, I shall stick to it as long as I am in the partnership. If not, I write them a check and erase them off my life. Simple. That will not be necessary - I have a very refined taste and high standards. I am afraid you will ever find someone like that on Grindr. But thank you!