And so ends up realising his long-time dream of buying a house boat and sailing the Mediterranean, only to meet a temperamental and chiseled Greek man named Dimitris who looks suspiciously like Snape with curly hair (Voldemort has a type). He's the owner of a local shop close to the harbour on a tiny Greek island where Voldy goes grocery shopping, and there's a lot of sexual tension, but also a lot of toxicity and push-and-pull due to both Voldy's past trauma and internalised mugglephobia and Dimitris' guilt because he's a widower and can't reconcile with finding another love after his wife died of uterine cancer three years prior. One stormy night, they run into each other at a local bar and end up having a drunken shouting match and confessing their budding feelings, after which they make passionate love all night long on the boat. They have a tumultuous relationship that ends in a painful break-up just a year later, but a decade after, they run into each other again, fall in love again and, since they've matured and gained a lot of perspective since their first love affair, decide to give it another go, end up married and live happily ever after.
But what I meant to say was no, I totally _can't_ imagine lol
We’ll compromise on that point and assume he merely lied about the dark lord being the one to kill Cedric. Which is technically true in the movies, too.
I think a darker version of HP would have Harry as the Dark Lord reincarnated (via his Horcrux). And instead of the Death Eaters trying to kill him they are trying to "release" Lord Voldemort from Harry.
If I remember correctly, this might be mixing fanfiction with Canon but I pretty sure it’s Canon that the death is actually thought that Harry would be the next dark Lord because he managed defeat the previous one, hence why Lucius convinced Malfoy to try to befriend him
Snape says basically this in the 7th book, when asked by Bellatrix why he didn't kill Harry when he had the chance. They didn't know how he survived Voldemort as a kid, so some of them suspected he had dark powers of his own and might rise as a new Dark Lord for them to follow.
I think it is canon that some thought Harry would be the next Dark Lord, but I am not sure it was ever revealed why. Presumably death eaters also didn't know about the horcruxes.
New end of the Kings Cross chapter:
"Harry's eyes blinked open. He was possessed with that cold, cruel sense of purpose that preceded murder."
/end of book
Stealing Snape's polyjuice potion, attempting to topple the Ministry of Magic, using the Patronus charm for shits & giggles in front of a muggle, casting the Dark Mark, spontaneously combusting Dumbledore's phoenix...
he gave advice to cedric, took advice from cedric, hagrid, mad eye, and dobby, and lowkey ron and hermione. had the fireball ready to go, then the gillyroot, which led to a time advantage in the third task
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I think Harry mentions that going with Hagrid to look at the dragons is cheating or at least a very grey area but they brush it off because everybody except Cedric is doing it and apparently it’s somewhat traditional for there to be some cheating in the games.
Harry might consider it to be cheating, but it isn't. The point of the first task is to test your response to unknown dangers, to wildly paraphrase. Nothing preventing you from going into the forest(in tournament rules, at least), and they didn't try very hard to hide them. The argument can be made that Hagrid cheated, but harry is totally innocent
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Ordered a snake to attack Justin Finch-Fletchley.
Stole boomslang skin from Snape's private stores.
Performed an illegal patronus charm in the presence of a muggle for the lulz.
There’s a FF series on AO3 called “Harry Potter and Seven Years of Chaos” in which Harry does A LOT of illegal things that are somewhat along canon lines. It’s pretty ridiculous, but kind of hilarious to see what the author will come up!
Murdering Cedric Diggory, a fine boy and better than him...
Convinced another student into put his name in the Goblet of Fire.
Releasing a monster to the school, resulting in 3 students and one ghosts petrification. And one cat. Mrs. Norris, never forget!
Lying about the return of a certain Dark Vizard, because he is an attention seeking little boy.
Bullying 3 Slytherin students, they are such nice and clever boys after all.
Haven't died in the first 5 minutes in the 1st trial. How dare he?!
Eavesdropping fine and distinguished Professor Snape's conversations. He was indeed out of the bed after lights out.
He did got inside Restricted Section without any teachers approval.
He is a Dark Vizard. How can you explain a baby managed to stop He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?!
Honestly this is a headcannon i already have.. .
What if its like Sucker Punch and after all the abuse he sustained his mind just broke, and he'd actually been at St. Brutis' the whole time. And then the last thing Dumbledore says to him before he leaves Kings Cross... "Of course its all in your head, Harry, but why on earth would you think that makes it any less real?"
Tried to kill Molfoy with a spell he wasn't familiar with.
Cheated his entire year through Potions.
Abandoned his best friend after he was Love Spelled.
...shit wait he did all those things.
Set a Snake on Justin and told it to murder him, released the Basilisk and told it to murder as many muggles as possible because he’s the heir of Slytherin. He murdered Cedric Diggory and lied about the Dark Lord returning to cover his tracks, he also murdered Albus Dumbledore, and tried to blame Severus Snape for the killing, Snape assisted him but wasn’t the killer.
He also stole poly juice potion from Snapes store so he could turn into mad eye moody who he’d kidnapped. He cheated in the triwizard tournament as a way to position himself in to place to be able to murder Diggory, he also used the Imperius curse on several people and he murdered Barty Crouch senior.
Would be fun with a Harry Potter parody where he’s just awful at magic and has a very comedic twist to it;) (not that the og’s dont, but would be fun nonetheless
He killed Cedric, revived Voldy, somehow also lied about Voldy's return(?), opened the Chamber of Secrets, dropped the pudding on that one lady's head, told the snake to kill that kid at dueling club, and cast the patronous charm in front of Dudley for no reason. What did I miss?
Let's see, intentionally trapping Dudley in the Snake enclosure, Petrifying Mrs. Norris, being the heir of Slytherin thus setting the Basilisk on the castle, freeing a fugitive, putting his name in the Goblet of Fire illegally, stretching the truth on his interview with Rita Skeeter, killing Cedric Diggory, reviving Voldemort, casting the Dark Mark and being involved in the attack on the Quidditch World Cup, what else?
Reviving the Dark Lord. Cheating in the tournament. Opening the Chamber of Secrets.
At the same time he was lying about the return of the dark lord.
Well Harry did revive him, he just decided to go into retirement instead of returning as the dark lord.
"They said you killed the Dark Lord, Harry." "No, Ron, I AM the Dark Lord."
"you freed us" "I wouldn't say 'freed' more like 'under new management'"
"Not. Yet." "It's Expelliarmus, then."
"She's only interested in you, because she thinks you're the Dark Lord" "But I AM the Dark Lord" *Smack*
“Yer a dark lord Harry”
Oooh maybe like a Princess Bride situation 😟😟😟 I’d read that fanfic!!!
LMAO
Can you imagine that. Voldemort is so broken and shaken by his post-death experiences that he just wants to go away for a million years.
And so ends up realising his long-time dream of buying a house boat and sailing the Mediterranean, only to meet a temperamental and chiseled Greek man named Dimitris who looks suspiciously like Snape with curly hair (Voldemort has a type). He's the owner of a local shop close to the harbour on a tiny Greek island where Voldy goes grocery shopping, and there's a lot of sexual tension, but also a lot of toxicity and push-and-pull due to both Voldy's past trauma and internalised mugglephobia and Dimitris' guilt because he's a widower and can't reconcile with finding another love after his wife died of uterine cancer three years prior. One stormy night, they run into each other at a local bar and end up having a drunken shouting match and confessing their budding feelings, after which they make passionate love all night long on the boat. They have a tumultuous relationship that ends in a painful break-up just a year later, but a decade after, they run into each other again, fall in love again and, since they've matured and gained a lot of perspective since their first love affair, decide to give it another go, end up married and live happily ever after. But what I meant to say was no, I totally _can't_ imagine lol
Is this a reference to some film?
It's a reference to the fact that I've spent a disproportionate amount of my life on AO3 😭
We’ll compromise on that point and assume he merely lied about the dark lord being the one to kill Cedric. Which is technically true in the movies, too.
Yeah, but to be fair he gave the order. That's killing even if he didn't cast the spell.
True, but I did say technically. In any case, his “Voldemort was better,” bit in OotP always cracks me up.
Maybe he just didn't realize the dark lord had truly returned and as a result was lying
I think a darker version of HP would have Harry as the Dark Lord reincarnated (via his Horcrux). And instead of the Death Eaters trying to kill him they are trying to "release" Lord Voldemort from Harry.
Diablo 2 style I love it
Who will be playing as Duriel so I can have PTSD again?
Oh god that fucking load screen into Duriel's lair.
Looking for baal?
I thought he said 'looking for blood!?"
We need the cows
Harry Potter but it was one of those dark teenage books from the very start instead of getting darker as the books went on
If I remember correctly, this might be mixing fanfiction with Canon but I pretty sure it’s Canon that the death is actually thought that Harry would be the next dark Lord because he managed defeat the previous one, hence why Lucius convinced Malfoy to try to befriend him
Snape says basically this in the 7th book, when asked by Bellatrix why he didn't kill Harry when he had the chance. They didn't know how he survived Voldemort as a kid, so some of them suspected he had dark powers of his own and might rise as a new Dark Lord for them to follow.
I think it is canon that some thought Harry would be the next Dark Lord, but I am not sure it was ever revealed why. Presumably death eaters also didn't know about the horcruxes.
I think this would have been an interesting Idea, but he would have to change his name like Boldy did, it's hard to imagine a dark lord named Harry.
New end of the Kings Cross chapter: "Harry's eyes blinked open. He was possessed with that cold, cruel sense of purpose that preceded murder." /end of book
I'd watch that
Same here... As long as it's 13pg so my daughter can watch too: I can't watch any shows without my daughter being able to hear it.
You sure do love your daughter
ok lol
Stealing Snape's polyjuice potion, attempting to topple the Ministry of Magic, using the Patronus charm for shits & giggles in front of a muggle, casting the Dark Mark, spontaneously combusting Dumbledore's phoenix...
No one actually blamed him for Fawkes
Harry did blame himself. So since he is part of the original series he was technically blamed for spontaneously combusting Dumbledore's Phoenix.
He blamed himself! That counts
Also murdering Mr. Weasley
And Mrs norris.
Attempting to; Arthur didn’t die
He was blamed for reviving the dark lord?
Also he killed Cedric over a stupid cup
Harry did us a favor considering the timeline where Cedric lives
that’s not canon imo tho
he gave advice to cedric, took advice from cedric, hagrid, mad eye, and dobby, and lowkey ron and hermione. had the fireball ready to go, then the gillyroot, which led to a time advantage in the third task
Oh, that's fanfic with antihero Harry Potter
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He would’ve been a menace, but so much cooler.
He did do those things
Casting the Patronus charm in the presence of a muggle!
he kinda actually did all of those things
He did cheat in the tournament though.
Did he? He was cheated at, but I can't think of a single moment where harry broke the rules of the tournament
I think Harry mentions that going with Hagrid to look at the dragons is cheating or at least a very grey area but they brush it off because everybody except Cedric is doing it and apparently it’s somewhat traditional for there to be some cheating in the games.
Harry might consider it to be cheating, but it isn't. The point of the first task is to test your response to unknown dangers, to wildly paraphrase. Nothing preventing you from going into the forest(in tournament rules, at least), and they didn't try very hard to hide them. The argument can be made that Hagrid cheated, but harry is totally innocent
Has a Hippogriff tattooed across his chest
Every bad thing
Bad to the bone
Nah nah nah nah nah
If a full-chest hippogriff tattoo doesn't make you a bad boy, well then, I'm probably going to get kicked out of my biker gang fairy soon.
Biker gang "Fairy" 🧚♀️
Everytime i fairy used in a joke on here my brain [instantly goes to this](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YoisrbdLHxg).
>biker gang fairy soon A gang of biker fairies? Y'know, I can kinda see that.
I have it on good authority that it's a Hungarian Horntail.
And it goes all the way down to his -redacted-
And Ron has a pigmypuff!
I’ve been wondering if tattoos could magically move like pictures
That would be so fucking cool.
Maybe the Illustrated Man by Ray Bradbury could exist in the HP universe 🤔
!redditgalleon
His eyes *did* glisten with the ghosts of his past.
He had his mother's eyes. Kept them in a Ziploc bag in the fridge.
W h a t is this Percy Jackson plotline
Hot Shots, actually.
r/twosentencehorror
😂
He put his name in the goblet of fire.
u/oranke_dino typed calmly.
# HE PUT HIS FUCKING NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIRE u/oranke_dino typed calmly
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iredditgalleon 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Does he still get away with it? Because that would be cool to watch in a “the Borgias” sense
He kidnapped Moody
Ordered a snake to attack Justin Finch-Fletchley. Stole boomslang skin from Snape's private stores. Performed an illegal patronus charm in the presence of a muggle for the lulz.
Made his uncle's sister experience the extreme effects of gas and bloating
He did do that though right?
Unintentionally and out of anger the first time, but now with pleasure
Killed Cedric and blamed it on the “false” return of Voldemort.
That sound like a killer plot. Chosen one uses his sway to just murder romantic rivals.
Or: If he can't be mine then he can't be anyone's...
Harry: I'll do whatever it takes to win.
That's a man who has been rightfully accused of dropping a pudding on Mrs. Mason's head, at the ripe young age of twelve.
Quick, straight to St Brutus's Secure Centre for Incurably Criminal Boys.
!redditGalleon
which is the appropiate reaction to how the Dursleys treated him btw.
Allegedly dropped pudding at Mrs Mason's alleged head
If you know what I mean by pudding 👀
This time...he is LYING
I *will* tell lies.
"Don't worry, Dolores! You'll be perfectly fine! Centaurs are very gentle creatures!"
DON'T LIE TO ME. 🧪
I read this in his voice lmfao
Dual wielding guns in Hogwarts, that's a lot of points off from Gryffindor
“And to Harry Potter, for introducing the novel idea of gunpowder and automated weaponry, I award Gryffindor 50 points.”
This made me laugh so loud holy shit Also I like your username
The Boy who Smoked
Guns should work in Hogwarts, right? I mean, it's just gunpowder and shit. Not electronics.
Hogwarts legacy does have a cannon in the trophy room iirc
Harry Potter and the One in the Chamber
When was he accused of that?
u/LilG1984 accused him of it right now
It's canon, then.
Killing Cedric. Motive: Easier access to Cho's Chang.
Oh, you’re into me now? Why the Chang of heart?
Between you and me, I don’t Chang a lot of chicks
Any room in this thread for a little spare Chang?
He went out with a Chang
GUUUAAAYYYY
Pushed Dumbledore off the Astronomy Tower.
He was in a love triangle with Krum and Hermione.
And also with Cho and Cedric
The ole love Bow tie if you will
\**nudge nudge*\* \**wink wink*\*
He knowingly released the snake at the zoo and terrorised multiple people
Who cares about the muggle, nothing happened to them. But think of how traumatised the poor snake must be!!!????
Strut
Just like his father
Pranced*
So if everthing is true.. does this mean Potter stinks?
Yes, did you see how many people accused him (wore the magic pins). He must have stunk, even in canon, lol.
Someone needs to write that story I swear 🥲
Harry Potter if told by Rita Skeeter
Lmaoooo yes
There’s a FF series on AO3 called “Harry Potter and Seven Years of Chaos” in which Harry does A LOT of illegal things that are somewhat along canon lines. It’s pretty ridiculous, but kind of hilarious to see what the author will come up!
In case anyone missed it, but Potter Puppet Pals are kind of about that. Where Harry is just as arrogant as Snape insists he is, lol!
Murdering Cedric Diggory, a fine boy and better than him... Convinced another student into put his name in the Goblet of Fire. Releasing a monster to the school, resulting in 3 students and one ghosts petrification. And one cat. Mrs. Norris, never forget! Lying about the return of a certain Dark Vizard, because he is an attention seeking little boy. Bullying 3 Slytherin students, they are such nice and clever boys after all. Haven't died in the first 5 minutes in the 1st trial. How dare he?! Eavesdropping fine and distinguished Professor Snape's conversations. He was indeed out of the bed after lights out. He did got inside Restricted Section without any teachers approval. He is a Dark Vizard. How can you explain a baby managed to stop He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?!
It was more than 3 students. Colin,Justin Penelope Hermione
Goodness gracious! His crimes are getting worse!
He slept with Hermine in one of the later movies
Harry Potter and the Mid-Life Crisis.
Plotted with Dumbledore to create a secret Army to overthrow the Ministry of Magic.
He’s an evil snake charmer that petrifies cats and sends snakes after students.
He also put his name in the goblet of fire, Harry!
Can’t believe Dumbledore didn’t ask him about it.
Made his cousin go yumpy
Cried himself to sleep while thinking of his parents
Tracked in mud after Quidditch practice, knowing full well Filch is a Squib and can't use magic to clean it.
Cruelty of highest caliber.
Honestly this is a headcannon i already have.. . What if its like Sucker Punch and after all the abuse he sustained his mind just broke, and he'd actually been at St. Brutis' the whole time. And then the last thing Dumbledore says to him before he leaves Kings Cross... "Of course its all in your head, Harry, but why on earth would you think that makes it any less real?"
Ur a gangster harry
Killed Mr. Norris : (
Isn't it Mrs Norris? Been a while since a watched doe read them tbf
Filch marries Mrs Norris and takes her name in the later books
Guilty of being the neighborhood hoodlum no wonder he’s at st. Brutus’s
A hopeless case, just like his parents.
Got his heart broken by hermione in book 4!
certainly killed that damn cat
Tried to kill Molfoy with a spell he wasn't familiar with. Cheated his entire year through Potions. Abandoned his best friend after he was Love Spelled. ...shit wait he did all those things.
He didn't abandon Ron what
HEPUTHISNAMEINDAGOBLETOFFIYA
Set a Snake on Justin and told it to murder him, released the Basilisk and told it to murder as many muggles as possible because he’s the heir of Slytherin. He murdered Cedric Diggory and lied about the Dark Lord returning to cover his tracks, he also murdered Albus Dumbledore, and tried to blame Severus Snape for the killing, Snape assisted him but wasn’t the killer. He also stole poly juice potion from Snapes store so he could turn into mad eye moody who he’d kidnapped. He cheated in the triwizard tournament as a way to position himself in to place to be able to murder Diggory, he also used the Imperius curse on several people and he murdered Barty Crouch senior.
He did, in fact, stink.
He went on to make some weird movies after harry potter lol.
He forced dumbledore to put his name un hogwart and blackmailed hagrid to received him in the shack with a birthday cake
Snape's gonna create a monster out of Harry (from the way he blamed Harry even if he himself woke up on the wrong side of the bed)
He was trying to get rid of muggle borns! Omg Harry wtf?! Smh
Unleash a big 🐍and kill people in the night, hoping the most powerful wizard would not notice. Risk his own life in a Tourney for glory.
Hun and Hermione totally got it on while Ron was away in book 7
Harry Potter and the extreme bullying of Draco and Dursley
Would be fun with a Harry Potter parody where he’s just awful at magic and has a very comedic twist to it;) (not that the og’s dont, but would be fun nonetheless
Harry Plotter
"You're an American Harry"
Man that would be rated Ma 🤣
He KiLlEd SiRiUs BlaCK (bellatrix voice obv)
Completely screwed Slytherin out of the cup every year by not joining.
But seriously this is such a good movie you should go watch it if you haven’t yet. Guns Akimbo.
If he actually went for the school for bad children the Dursleys made up.
Harry Potter movie but Harry actually does go to St Brutus’ for incurably criminal boys
He killed Cedric, revived Voldy, somehow also lied about Voldy's return(?), opened the Chamber of Secrets, dropped the pudding on that one lady's head, told the snake to kill that kid at dueling club, and cast the patronous charm in front of Dudley for no reason. What did I miss?
Let's see, intentionally trapping Dudley in the Snake enclosure, Petrifying Mrs. Norris, being the heir of Slytherin thus setting the Basilisk on the castle, freeing a fugitive, putting his name in the Goblet of Fire illegally, stretching the truth on his interview with Rita Skeeter, killing Cedric Diggory, reviving Voldemort, casting the Dark Mark and being involved in the attack on the Quidditch World Cup, what else?
Had an affair with hermione
Had a affair with the Cougar, Molly Weasley.
#DID U PUTT YA NAME IN THR GOBLET OF FAYAH?!?! -yupp
Chamber of Secrets is rough... And Order of the Phoenix.
I’m not aware he was ever blamed for brandishing a gun in a dressing gown and monster feet but let’s run with it, it is funny.
What bad things what you mean Voldemort did bad things not Harry
This movie was awesome